This is not my usual post as I was trying to promote a new business specializing in confectionery and initially I thought that it would be apt to promote it as a feel-good factor as I reckon anyone occasionally needs a bit of TLC regardless if there is nothing wrong with them or if they have mental or physical disabilities and most of us have a sweet tooth.
I for one when I am feeling low turn to chocolate as the current medication I am on is a waste of time other than it makes me drowsy just before bed.
The ingredients in Chocolate.
Tryptophan is an amino acid found in small quantities in chocolate and is also the precursor for Serotonin. … However, because chocolate contains tryptophan, the resulting increase in serotonin can help explain why one might feel happier, calmer, or less anxious after eating a piece of their chocolate cake (Serotonin).
Serotonin & Dopamine: The Neurological Benefits of Chocolate
Though chocolate is known for its ability to increase levels of the calming neurotransmitter serotonin, it also contains small amounts of a compound called phenylethylamine, which acts like an amphetamine, stimulating your brain cells to release dopamine.
I am currently taking prescribed medication which has serotonin (Mirtazapine 30mg).
In fact, I have only stumbled upon this article by accident: Mirtazapine can cause a life-threatening condition called “Serotonin Syndrome”. Your risk may be higher if you also take other drugs that have similar effects as mirtazapine. These include antidepressants or triptans, such as sumatriptan and zolmitriptan.
So you get prescribed medication to counteract your depression that may lead to suicide, where is the sense in that?
The pharmaceutical industry is a multi-trillion dollar industry and the end-user is basically the guinea pig at the end of the day. To be precise the pharmaceutical industry is responsible for the research, development, production, and distribution of medications. The market has experienced significant growth during the past two decades, and pharma revenues worldwide totaled 1.27 trillion U.S. dollars in 2020.
This drug has a black box warning. This is the most serious warning from the Food and Drug Administration (FDA). A black box warning alerts doctors and patients about drug effects that may be dangerous. (My doctor still has not answered a letter that the practice manager read and so did the cluster pharmacist which was sent 25th May 2021, this is negligence at its finest).
Mirtazapine may cause an increase in suicidal thoughts or actions. (I wrote in my letter I was feeling low when I found out my ex-husband had died).This risk is higher in children, teenagers, and young adults. It’s also higher within the first few months of treatment and during dosage changes. You and your family members, caregivers, and doctor should watch for any new or sudden changes in your mood, behaviors, thoughts, or feelings. Call your doctor right away if you notice any of these changes. (I did in May and am still waiting for a response).
As medical professionals, GPs are given a lot of trust by their patients. If you believe that this trust has been breached and your GP has put your health at risk as a result of their negligence, then the law provides a remedy for you to obtain compensation. It is possible for you to sue any doctor who works in an NHS hospital, private practice, or GP surgery. Any Doctor treating you owes you a duty of care, so if that duty was breached and you have suffered as a result, then you may have a claim for compensation.
To think I have been taken this drug for a good number of years not only to help with my OCD and my depression but also to deal with my insomnia as the drug is very sedative and does the trick as I fall asleep within 15 minutes of taking it. In fact, it is so sedative that I feel so lethargic when I wake up and have to resort to energy drinks to keep me awake. You would think that GP’s would let their patients know of any (DANGER HEALTH WARNINGS) from the FDA or EMA.
Not everyone researches about side effects and it does not exactly get advertised on social media channels or in the news.
“It is about time I ween myself off this drug and finds alternative remedies. I am going to stick with chocolate from now on but need to find something else that can help me fall asleep, any suggestions will be welcome”…
Natural Alternative Homeopathic Remedies – Confectionery.
If you have a sweet tooth and are looking for a way to cheer yourself up or want to buy a gift for a family or friend, why not visit the “Newly Launched Confectionery Shop In Wales”. Anthony is currently Only Shipping UK Mainland.
Feeling Suicidal is when a person is in a very dark place metaphorically speaking when they have lost the will to live and they see no other way of escaping from the nightmare they are in.
The rise in suicides likely to be linked to austerity – but the story behind each suicide is complex.
When a person has lost all hope and the will to live they cannot see anything else other than dying. They believe that once they die their nightmare will be over and they will not feel anguish, sadness, loneliness, or despair. They do believe the grass is greener on the other side but is it though?.. Some people believe if you commit suicide you go to hell. So if life feels like hell right now, the real hell will be far worse.
When a person falls into this state of feeling hopeless when nothing is working out fine for them and no one understands them or cares or bothers with them it is understandable they may sink deeper into the abyss.
Most of our depression is fueled by fear, loss, and grief. “Disabled Entrepreneur UK” covers all topics in all categories (I have linked some of the topics in this article).
There are many factors that can cause a person to feel so low:
They feel like a failure, they have nothing to show for their life, they fear failure.
They have lost their job.
They have lost their home, through evicition or natual disaster, divorce, seperation or money problems such as bankruptcy or not being able to keep up with the mortgage payments.
They have lost their family through death or family fued.
They have or are going through a divorce and are losing their home, their children and their money.
They have been robbed.
Their business is going under.
They have lost their life partner, through seperation, or death.
They have lost their child through miscarrage, illness or accidental death.
They are discriminated, humiliated or made a mockery of. They have people or institutes that judge them.
The have financial burdens that if their money was taken away how would they cope (benefits).
They feel no one cares or understands them and every time they reach out people do not take them seriously.
They are stuck in a physically and mentally abusive relationship.
They are being bullied in school or in the workplace.
Harrassment because of sexual orientation, religion, skin colour, beliefs, ethnicity.
They have no friends.
They feel lonely.
They feel the world has turned against them.
Their family and friends have turned against them because or their sexual orientation, religion or beliefs.
They are the abuser in a domstic viilent relationship and have they gone too far with their actions and feel worried they will get caught.
Many adults will experience feelings of hopelessness or suicidal thoughts at some point in their lives.
This could be because they do not have a close support network that understands them (friends/family/co-workers) and they may feel embarrassed to reach anyone in their network for the fear of being laughed at or for the worries they have to be brushed under the carpet so to speak.
SIGNSTO LOOK OUT FOR.
Crying For No Reason.
Hating Everything and Everyone.
Talking about Death or Suicide.
“If you are feeling suicidal, the most important thing is to talk to someone“.
“If authoritarian institutions try to judge or discriminate against a person for their mental health, remind them no one is perfect and everyone could be in the same shoes as a suicidal person one day feeling life is not worth living”.
When you feel sad and lonely and feel you have no one to turn to there are organizations specifically designed to help people going through what you are going through. They are not discriminating or judgemental they actually care about you as they would not be there otherwise. They are there to lend an ear, you do not even have to say your real name. You just need to take the brave steps to reach out that is all you have to do.
If you are going through a difficult time, you may be feeling isolated and disconnected from your friends, family, or other groups. It might it difficult to start a conversation about your feelings, therefore there are organizations such as the Samaritans that can listen to your problems and perhaps steer you in the right direction. But it’s important that you let the people around you know how you are feeling. It’s important to remember that people in these organizations care and will want to help you.
Saying that, be prepared for the people in your immediate circle that may be oblivious to your sadness and may try to back away because they have their own problems.
The best people to start with are the ones that have been professionally trained, such as a GP or Mental Health Organisation. Not everyone in your close network of friends and family will understand or even want to help you, so keep that in mind.
What to do if you are experiencing suicidal thoughts
Your GP should be the first point of contact for any issues affecting your physical and mental health, including suicidal thoughts. They will also be able to diagnose a state of depression or anything in your lifestyle that may be contributing to how you may be feeling.
If you do not have a GP but need to speak with a doctor urgently, you can call NHS non-emergency number on 111 and they will direct you to the nearest available walk-in centre or doctor’s surgery.
Tips for coping with suicidal feelings:
Try not to think about the future, just focus on the present and getting through the day, start by taking baby steps.
Avoid drugs or alcohol, these will only add fuel to the fire.
Go to a safe place like a friend’s house, family or public area, avoid being stuck at home alone, go somewhere where there are people around.
Start a journal, this could be a physical book or online blog.
Find a reason to help others through your personal story.
Do something you usually enjoy.
If you are about to harm yourself or have already done so, call 999 as soon as possible or go to Accident and Emergency (A&E) at the nearest hospital.
Professional suicide support services
If you’re feeling very low, you can contact any of the professional support services below for free.
Sane Line – call 0300 304 7000 (available 4.30pm – 10.30pm every day)
Papyrus Hopeline – call 0800 068 4141, text 07786209697 or email firstname.lastname@example.org (available 10am – 10pm weekdays, 2pm – 10pm weekends and bank holidays)
The Mental Health Foundation is concerned but not surprised by the latest UK suicide figures. They are in line with other evidence of the distress people are feeling, such as rates of self-harm and self-reported feelings of shame.
Some of the rises in the number of suicides may be due to a change in the rules in England and Wales about how coroners should record suicides. However, it is currently too soon to know what difference the change has made.
Whenever a person takes their own life, there is a complex story behind it.
There is also not a single simple explanation for the increase in the number of people taking their own lives, but it is likely to be linked with economic austerity. We know that suicide rates are linked with people’s uncertainty about their financial futures, unemployment, persistent inequality, loneliness, discrimination, and ill-health.(Citation/Credit).
Asking about suicide does not encourage it, nor does it lead a person to start thinking about it; in fact it may help prevent it, and can start a potentially life-saving conversation
Note From the Editor.
However, I have to agree to disagree, I suffer from Mental Health Issues and on my last PIP assessment I was asked that very question, have I had suicidal thoughts.
Firstly I would not admit to anyone if I had them or not.
Secondly if I did not have those thoughts I basically was given a loaded gun because if I was not thinking about it before, I most certainly was thinking it now and had a seed planted in my head, which I could have easily gone through with it had I have been in that state of mind.
“The difference is I do have everything to live for and can teach people including institutions asking someone directly if they are feeling suicidal can go one of two ways and one has to tread carefully”.
“One needs to be subtle and not cause a person to immediately go on the defense and on guard. No one will admit they feel suicidal especially to a stranger unless they actively are looking to get help and are prepared to get the support they need”.
For me personally, this crossed my mind on the odd occasion, but I was not telling a PIP assessor who I did not know and besides my own personal story is complex, it is not one incident but many incidents with many people’s/entities actions that I can blame over many years that have caused me to feel depressed”.
“As I walked away with a loaded gun that the PIP Assessor had metaphorically given and had I not found the strength to over-ride my thoughts I very much doubt you would be reading my story today”.
I have since learned that one can over-ride one’s thoughts with neuroscience which I am actively researching. I hope to publish my findings in the near future.
What assessors should ask instead is:
Have you been feeling low?
Do you feel you can talk to someone?
How often do you feel low?
Do you have friends or family you can talk to?
Do you feel hopeless?
Do you feel worthless?
Do you feel the world is against you?
Do you know of any support networks you can reach out to?
Do you turn to alcohol or recreational drugs to surpress your thoughts?
Do you feel your thoughts are very intrusive?
Do you isolate yourself from society?
Can you cope with life?
Do you have any hobbies?
Do you feel proud of yourself?
Has anyone tried to hurt you physically or mentally?
World Health Organisation:
According to “WHO” Nearly 800,000 people die by suicide in the world each year, which is roughly one death every 40 seconds.
Suicide is the 2nd leading cause of death in the world for those aged 15-24 years.
Depression is the leading cause of disability worldwide.
FINAL THOUGHTS FROM THE EDITOR.
When someone you know looks or behaves not their usual self, ask them if they are ok and that they can talk to you whenever they want with no pressure. Always be kind to people as you do not know what they are going through or feeling.
Never be judgemental or dictate to them what they should or should not do. Everyone has the ability to make their own decisions for their own reasons. If you have an opinion tell it once, it is up to the person to listen, continue bombarding the person with your opinions will eventually make the person withdraw from you. If people do not want to listen or take on board your advice do not force it on them.
If you say you are going to phone someone, stick to it, and never give empty promises as that person could just be waiting for you (CD) as there are consequences to our actions.
Do not be that family member that only reaches out once a year at Christmas. Phone the person regularly throughout the year. Get the distant relative involved in your life, do not disregard them like leftover meat. Phone them if they are not inclined to meet with you.
If you are a good person you will spread awareness that people do not have to go through things alone, share your story so that people can relate to you.
If you do not have a job and no one wants to employ you, then create a job and be your own boss. I can motivate and inspire anyone.
Nothing is so bad that you cannot overcome the problem(s) you are faced with, believe me, I know, I have been there, done that, and got the t-shirt. In fact, it did cross my mind on the odd occasion but found a way to get through it. Besides, I have a family and a business I am grateful for having a roof over my head and food to eat. Find the things you are grateful for and think there is always someone worse off than you. Where there is a will there is a way. Obstacles are there so that we can learn how to overcome them. Life is a lesson to be learned.
So if I can survive with everything I have gone through over the years, so can you.
Suicide is so very final and there is no guarantee what you will be faced with on the other side. It could be as some believe that people who commit suicide go straight to hell and some countries do not give people proper burials just dump their bodies in mass graves. It’s ironic that the actor who played the character Chris Nielsen (Robin Williams) “What Dreams May Come” in a film about suicide, committed suicide. Even famous people have demons and get depressed. (Rich and Depressed).
I have been pushed to my limits many times including when I lost both my parents and my brother but I have also had to deal with domestic violence not to mention losing someone I loved. This is part of the grieving process.
There will always be people who will try to be judgemental and will think they are better than you. Let it all go over your head, no one on this planet is better than you. Just because they may be more educated, have social status, or are some sort of institution or royalty, behind every company, there is a human being doing exactly the same as you, eating, sleeping, and surviving.
The definition of pretentious is an entity such as an institution or someone that claims to be very important or grand. An example of pretentious is someone saying they deserve a table in a crowded restaurant because of who they are. Pretentiousness is intended to impress or scare others. Pretentiousness can also be a tool to make people fearful in society.
Being pretentious means you are not equal to another person and that you have some sort of higher power.
“I am also a princess of my own domain”.
Pretentious people especially if they wear an authoritarian uniform or work in authoritarian institutions, act like they are something that they are not. At the end of the day regardless if one is Royalty, a Politician, The Police, or a Civil Servant working in a Local Council Offices, one is just an ordinary human being just like the rest of us. Yet people of statuses portray they are important and they somehow believe they have some sort of mystical power over you, although in reality they are either born entitled (Royalty) or work for an institution where they give out orders and somehow believe they are entitled and different. This does not make them special, they still do everything that the rest of us do, sleep, eat and survive.
In the fields of sociology and political science, authority is the legitimate power of a person or group over other people. In a civil state, authority is practiced in ways such as a judicial branch or an executive branch of government. In the exercise of governance, the terms authority and power are inaccurate synonyms.
Italian politician Maurizio Gasparri causes outrage tweeted that the English are “pretentious pricks” when Italy beat England in the 2014 World Cup. Pulitzer prize-winning novelist Anthony Doerr tells Michelle Dean that he “grew up were to call yourself a writer would be pretentious” Journalist Ruth Dudley Edwards informed her readers that her “prevailing thoughts about the writer Salman Rushdie” were that he is “self-important, pretentious, attention-seeking and ungrateful” (Daily Mail, 19 June 2007). On BBC 5 Live in 2009, Richard Bacon got to grips with a question that has vexed humanity for centuries: “Is wine over-rated and pretentious?”
Society segregates people into classes making people such as celebrities have the power of self-importance because people idolize them like Gods.
People in institutions such as banks, schools, police departments, council, and political offices think because they are employed they automatically have a superpower.
These people believe they are somehow more important than you just because they work for a governing institution when in reality, if that job was taken away from them they would be in the same boat as you and then become vulnerable.
Pretentious people prey on ordinary people’s insecurities and vulnerabilities. By acting superior making the other person submissive and anxious can cause a cascade of problems due to the consequences of the pretentious person’s actions.
People try to survive the best way they can and these institutions should not be judgemental yet they are portraying their self-importance even though they are no different to you.
“I am feeling pretentiousness from some people working in one particular institution I have reached out to, that somehow think they are more important than me. I get the impression that I am insignificant and that I have to bow down to them. Furthermore, they have no regard for a person’s mental health state of mind. I feel I am divided into a social class because I have a disability and that I do not deserve to be treated with dignity”.
“I am a spiritual being in a physical body. Only God has the right to judge me and no one is better than me as I believe we should be all equal even though society has taught us that we are not”.
“This is causing me to feel unwell and anxious (my OCD has flared up even more with myintrusive thoughts). I cannot concentrate properly and cannot focus on my work. I also deal with stupid people that do not read their emails properly and then ask for the same information multiple times, even though the information has been submitted yet they failed to read it the first time around. I can directly blame people for my emotional distress that makes me feel this way, for degrading the quality of my life. The consequences of people’s actions can cause a domino effect which can cause a person to feel worse than they already are”
It is axiomatic that pretentiousness shows no one in good light. Pretension is measured using prejudiced metrics. The pretentious person – naturally thinking themselves to be very important, believing they are in possession of an educated and discerning mind – believes that normal folk will be submissive to them.
Pretension sets the amateur against the professional in a game rigged by tradition, qualifications, and institutional approval. Decipher the word “pretentious” and outcomes an open can of worms, a bestiary of class anxieties; fears about getting above your station, and policing those suspected of trying to migrate from their social background. The word is broken down fits in with emotional attitudes towards economic and social inequality and is used as shorthand in arguments over authenticity, elitism, and populism. Pretentiousness is the brand of witchcraft used by scheming institutes of society to keep the great unwashed at bay.
Society tries to control people by arguing about rules, regulations, and right or wrong ways of doing things is one way to divide people into social classes. To accuse someone of being pretentiousness, of trying to stand out, affirms the fact that the accuser (you) fits in with everyone else. Because pretension is measured against the baseline “norm” of the accuser, there is an assumption that pretension always involves moving up the class ladder. Pretension is taken to be synonymous with snobbery.
In light of the young woman “Gabby Petito” who was murdered in Florida most recently, the story has hit home and has opened up so many bad memories for me.
At the time of this article, being published there is a manhunt going on for her fiance “Brian Laundrie”.
Watching the video of the patrol officers when both the young woman and her fiance were first pulled over, I could relate to some of what was happening at the time.
Gabby was being very overprotective, not only for herself, but she also did not want Brian to get into trouble so she took the blame. She wanted to defuse the situation so that her partner would not be angrier once the authorities had gone.
She also blamed her OCD. (Yes I can relate to this also however if I was talking to someone to get them off my back I would use the OCD excuse).
By coincidence, I suffer from OCD and I know how frustrating this is to someone who does not suffer from it.
I used to be called “CRAZY” by someone I thought I trusted, even as I speak to today there is a stigma attached to people with mental health issues. I was told multiple times by the person who tried to control me that I needed to be locked up in a lunatic asylum. This could have been a trigger to start an argument for Gabby and Brian, as my OCD got me into a lot of arguments myself.
So it is no surprise that a recent conversation I had with someone I have known for 40 years who learned I had OCD never bothered to ring me back after he said he would.
The problem is I do not give people second chances anymore, I used to, but my mindset has changed. If someone does me wrong that is it, I will not have anything more to do with them.
If people assume that disabilities especially mental health ones are labeled as “crazy”, I have news for you being anxious, depressed, and having panic attacks are also mental health issues, so we all have an element of craziness in us.
For me at the time of my physical and mental abuse, I had lost my brother to a drowning accident and felt my life was falling apart. I believed that the person I had turned to for solace, whom I trusted would protect me from harm ended up the person who nearly cost my life.
When I first met my ex-partner in 2009 I should have gone with my gut feeling as I did not like him at first. I remembered my brother’s words shortly before his passing that I should start dating. I had been divorced for nine years and did not need anyone in my life up until that point when my parents passed away and then my brother.
My ex had heard I had come into a large inheritance and my naivety prevailed as I thought he was in pursuit of me, not my money (I was very naive and stupid), so in January 2010 we started dating.
Everything seemed fine until I heard in February 2010 my brother was involved in a freak accident in Ecuador where he sadly lost his life.
I needed my ex more than ever to help me stay sane. I did start to have feelings for him (I cared for him but was not in love, more like lust) and found when he started to show his true colours approximately four months later after my brother had passed away, whilst we were visiting my family in Poland for a wedding, I should have seen all the warning signs with his vulgarity and disrespect to me and left him there and then, but I didn’t.
On the way back to the UK he was just rude and vulgar but not physically abusive. It would be approximately a year later that he physically attacked me.
This is when my whole world turned truly upside down. I felt I was in the middle of the eye of a tornado where not only did he physically assault me, I then had the authorities putting pressure on me to have him charged. I felt my whole world falling apart and I could not cope with the anguish and the stress.
Similar to what this young woman was going through in the video I tried to defend him and say it was my fault that things got out of hand, so as not to cause further anger or cause a rift between us.
I believed then (not now), that people are not born evil and thought once the dust settled I could reason with him and get him the help and therapy he needed without getting him into trouble with the authorities. That was a stupid naive mistake I made as one can inherit narcissistic traits.
“You cannot change a person that does not want to change”.
This did not turn out well or go in my favour when I refused to press charges. I then became a target and was treated like a criminal for harbouring a would-be criminal in the eyes of the law and the authorities turned against me and threatened to take away my child.
I was in the middle of a storm and had no one to turn to. I did not trust anyone and I felt very alone. I was scared how would I cope with being on my own even though it did not dawn on me I was actually alone for nine years prior to meeting my ex, so why did being alone actually matter?
I was obviously not thinking straight. Just like “Gabby” I was afraid to lose the person I hoped to settle down with. It did not matter how many people advised me or how many people tried to keep us apart I had one goal and that was to make amends and start over, forgive and forget.
Needless to say, my ex did get charged by the Police and ended up going on remand for a week in jail but because I refused to give evidence the charges got dropped for lack of them.
I was now an enemy of the state.
Had the Police not got involved in the first place there could have been a totally different outcome and I could have easily been maimed for life or ended up dead. However, after he was released from custody his behaviour only got worse over time.
I was advised to move or go to a women’s shelter which I point blank refused. I thought why should I go on the run, move home and my business because of him. I had a woman’s shelter person insist on making them my friend and again, I did not want anything to do with strangers I just wanted to sort out the mess all by myself.
I ended with a police marker on my property and that if I was ever to call the Police or anyone else called the police, they would have blue lights blazing or so I thought.
It was hard to gain my ex’s trust after that and his anger only festered even more as he blamed me for getting the police involved even though he drew the first sword so to speak. He was in complete denial that he had done anything wrong.
From then on I was the target of verbal abuse on a constant basis and he was careful most of the time that there were no witnesses to his behaviour especially my daughter who he did not trust either as both my daughter and I were two peas from the same pod. However, there were a couple of occasions once on a busy high street where I was walking back from a Garage whilst my daughter was in school where he poured a can of beer over my head on busy high street causing the hairdressers to run out of the shop to comfort me and another time in Poland where he punched me whilst he was driving the car with his elderly aunt in the back. Other than that he did everything when there was no one around.
There were a lot of incidents that stuck in my mind and as I write this article I am still not ready to tell the world what exactly happened and what he did to me.
It is still very mentally painful for me to recall everything and I have tried to suppress my mental wounds and memories knowing in time I will heal. I hope one day to tell my story to help women just like Gabby.
It is more common than people think especially in Poland as an example and by coincidence another wife-beater whose wife I happened to help about two and half years ago in a similar situation to mine only messaged me the other day to help him.
These men are delusional and considering he knows my ex-partner and what he did to me as he listened to the audio recordings I have, you would think considering he too was in a similar situation not so long ago himself, he would not be so naive to think I would help him.
Polish people stick together in communities especially in a foreign land and because English is my native tongue but I am bi-lingual that is why Poles come to me for help.
I told him I was busy for the next few months with work and told him to contact someone else. I have no intention of helping someone that beats women one day and acts like nothing happened the next.
I know none of what has happened to me was my fault. It was my ex’s insecurities that made him the way he was, not to mention that it is part of the culture in rural areas of Poland where the men go to work grafting in fields all day whilst the women are supposed to keep a tidy home, have their dinners ready and oblige to every whim.
Furthermore, the abuse is passed from generation to generation especially considering that some men drink excessively to the point they are paralytic and that is when the demons come out. Although my ex was very much sober when he was physically and mentally abusive towards me and was more subdued when he was drunk, these are the characteristics of a narcissist, a dangerous, psychotic person.
Looking back at my ex, his mother admitted she was physically and mentally abusive to her crippled wheelchair-bound husband when my ex was a toddler. So from a young age growing up, he started to have a hatred towards women and I witnessed how he pushed his elderly mother’s frail body nearly causing her to fall. I also heard his vulgarity towards his own mother who walked out of the room so as not to show him that his words hurt her and that she was crying. He never apologized when she returned just stared at her giving her dirty looks.
The last straw that broke the camel’s back for me was when I decided to put a stop to his abuse once and for all. He dislocated my knee and that was it there was no turning back. I had already collected enough evidence previously and had started to hate him (there is a thin line between love and hate). Any feelings I had for him had long gone.
I then came up with a plan, I could see that he was getting, even more, angrier with me and that there was no reasoning with him so I started to collect evidence and recorded him secretly.
Over time I managed to collect enough evidence that he would be facing jail for a very long time and with this evidence which I presented to him I gave him an ultimatum to leave me alone once and for all and to payback for all the damages otherwise, I would go to the Police. I made multiple copies of the evidence I had and told him should anything ever happen to my daughter or me, the police would go looking for him.
He knows that if he fails to pay me for everything he has broken or tries to come near me he will have the Police knocking on his door.
Yes he caused me harm and I do have memories but I can safely say I was lucky to have got away from him for good.
I have blocked him on all social media and unfriended all his friends, family, and associates. The less he knows about me the better.
Am I still concerned he may carry out his threats, perhaps if I provoked him, that is why I remain to stay civil until I am ready to disassociate myself for good?
Moving is my final goal. My businesses are online with no physical addresses so I have no worries there. There will be a time when I sever all ties with him when I am good and ready.
My circumstances and the threats he made I will not divulge until I am ready to tell the world, hence I have CCTV outside my property, had the locks changed, and am very vigilant.
I do not go out because of my mental and physical health which some of it was caused by my ex.
I have a long road to recovery and where someone asked me the other day am I in a relationship, even though I had told this person previously many months prior about my ex, this individual was oblivious to the fact that my ex has caused considerable mental and physical damage, so why on God’s earth would I ever want to get involved with anyone ever again?
I have in my lifetime witnessed my father slap my mother, my cousin being dragged by her hair by her husband. Have had my own personal experiences and have had been made aware of domestic violence in the Polish Community in the City I live in.
Abuse majority of the time is behind closed doors. People are either too afraid to get help, are too embarrassed, or simply do not know how to end the nightmare they live in.
Some people believe they can change a person (I was one of them), but in reality, you cannot change a person unless they are willing to accept your help and are willing to change.
Sometimes an assault can happen when you least expect it.
If you are in imminent danger try to get away. Sometimes talking calmly and showing you are not afraid can help to defuse the situation and then when you are confident you can leave without getting harmed leave at the first opportunity.
If you are in a situation where this happens often and you have not found the courage to leave or report the crime, secretly record the abusive behaviour. You do not have to have catalouges of episodes, one incident is enough, and then make a secret plan on the first opportunity to leave and not return. Try to have an escape plan. (In my case he was a visitor in my home so it was hard to get him to leave).
I actually did reach out to my dead brother’s girlfriend to hide and she turned her back on me.
Things you should.
At the first opportunity go to the police, especailly if you have children or are in imminent danger.
Prior to fleeing delete all of the abusers friends, family and associates off all social media accounts and block them. (Tell your partner your account was taken down by social media for sharing something that goes against their policies, not that you closed it as that will make the abuser angry).
Give all the people you know nicknames and change their real names to the nicknames on your phone should the abuser insist on going through your phone to see who you phoned last or who had phoned you.
Change your passwords on everything.
Arrange to stay with someone that is not the obvious person on the list your abuser will go and visit.
Let all the people you know in your network, your friends, family they have nicknames and that if they get an unknown call from the abuser to not identify themselves. The only risk is ther abuser may recognise their voice.
Save some money put a few pounds/dollars aside each week so that when you are ready to flee you are able to do so without any monetary difficulty.
Keep all your important documents together, passport, driving licence etc so that you have no worries they will get destroyed by the abuser and you have them to hand in an emergency.
Have a bag packed ready to go. (Make sure your abuser does not clock on what you are up to. Do not make it a suitcase more a like a large handbag, small holdall or backpack)
Be careful who you talk to and trust.
Cover your tracks.
Invest in another phone with another number so that if your abuser uses his acquaintances to phone you it will be more difficult to track you down.
Keep your accounts private on social media and do not accept anyone you do not know as a connection, as your abuser could easily set up a fake account just to trap you or get an unknown friend to spy on you.
Do not be ashamed of your situation, many women and men are going through domestic violent relationships right now as we speak. Tell your neighbours to be aware of loud noises or raised voices.
Do not try to fight or retaliate in a volitile situation, instead try to stay calm and quiet to try and defuse the situation and once the coast is clear and the situation has calmed down make an excuse that you will go up the road to buy a bottle of wine or some beer giving you the opportunity to leave in a safe manner. Say it is a peace offering to start over. Do not try sneaking out as that will relight a smouldering flame.
They say an apple does not fall far from the tree and knowing I had a police marker on my property when a boy threatened my daughter a couple of years later I phoned the police. After 10 minutes of no sounds of sirens in the far distance and no police to my daughter’s rescue, I phoned again and the operator turned around and I quote “we are sitting at the end of your street waiting for you to phone us”. Imagine the seriousness of the call every second mattered so if my daughter and I were in imminent danger I do not believe the police would be in any hurry blasting their sirens to rescue us. Like I said before, I think I am now an enemy of the state because I did not press charges.
Going back to “Brain Laundrie”, this is only my opinion, he is most probably very scared and insecure and I believe and this is something my ex’s mother said to me all those years ago, if I were to press charges and, my ex was going to face jail, he would most probably kill himself and she would blame me. It is a vicious circle that I believe started with her narcissism towards her husband in front of her child who turned out to be a narcissist.
As for the whole “Brian Laundrie” case, I am sitting on the fence just like the rest of the world but if my child had killed their partner or was in serious trouble with the authorities I would try to persuade them to turn themselves in. I certainly would not go on a camping trip as a family and I would try and give all my support to the person’s family of the child that was murdered. There are too many unanswered questions and I do hope they find Brian alive so that this can bring closure to Gabby’s family.
What is the worst that can happen for Brian apart from the freeboard and lodgings he will indefinitely have if he is sent to jail if it was accidental or manslaughter? If on the other hand, it was first-degree murder then that constitutes the death penalty in Florida, but even then I would try to rehabilitate myself and help mentor other people with narcissistic problems before I met my maker.
There is a lot of outcry because of so many other missing persons in the USA and the rest of the world but the focus is on one person to be found preferably alive to be made an example of.
The way I see it, Gabby would not have died in vain and instead become a symbol and sacrifice for women all over the world to get out of abusive relationships before they meet the same fate as Gabby.
Gabby should be made a Saint by the Vatican.
More needs to be done to spread awareness of the dangers of abusive relationships.
“My condolences to Gabby’s family and thoughts and prayers at this most difficult time”.
Heart palpitations are heartbeats that become more noticeable.
Heart palpitations could feel like your heart is pounding, fluttering, or beating erratically. These symptoms can also cause you to feel nauseous and light-headed.
Palpitations are the onset of a trigger response and even though they may seem alarming, in most cases they’re relatively harmless and are not a sign of a serious problem.
People with heart palpitations may feel an extra or missed beat. These are known as ectopic beats and are also usually nothing to worry about.
My own personal experience.
“Today Saturday 18th September 2021 I am home alone. I have just had an argument with a hosting provider trying to scam me and whilst on the phone, I could feel my blood pressure rising and I started to shout at theperson on the other end of the phone.
It has been two hours since I ended the first call, I have had made many since then and done 3 posts and I am still feeling dizzy and my heart is pounding. I am trying to calm myself down but it is not easy when you are talking to stupid people. Their total disregard for your health and ignorance makes my blood boil”.
“I also feel very sick and even though I have eaten I am not feeling very well at all”.
Causes of heart palpitations
Typical causes of heart palpitations include:
emotions and psychological triggers
heart rhythm problems
other medical conditions
Common triggers of heart palpitations include:
work related stress
money problems stress
drinks containing caffeine, such as coffee, tea and energy drinks
illegal drugs, such as cocaine, heroin, amphetamines, ecstasy and cannabis
rich or spicy foods
In most cases, the palpitations will go away on their own. However, changing your lifestyle and life choices can help with avoiding these triggers and may help stop them from coming back.
Emotional or psychological triggers
Heart palpitations are also often caused by emotions or psychological issues, such as:
excitement or nervousness
stress or anxiety
panic attacks – an overwhelming sense of anxiety or fear, accompanied by feeling faint or light headed, feeling sick, sweating, trembling and palpitations
Learning how to breathe and how to deal with a panic attack may help if you’re feeling stressed, anxious, or wound up.
Although learning how to deal with panic attacks is common sense, sometimes a trigger can happen unexpectedly and in that case, you do not have time to think straight, and doing breathing exercises especially if you are in the middle of an argument, can prove to be difficult unless you remove yourself from the equation.
Palpitations can occasionally be triggered by some medicines, including:
asthma inhalers, such as salbutamol and ipratropium bromide
high blood pressure (hypertension) medicines, such as hydralazine and minoxidil
antihistamines, such as terfenadine
antibiotics, such as clarithromycin and erythromycin (I’m allegic to erythromycin)
antidepressants, such as citalopram and escitalopram
antifungal medicines, such as itraconazole
Speak to a GP if you think a medicine may be causing your heart palpitations. But do not stop taking a prescribed treatment without first getting medical advice.
“The problem with me is that my GP has made no effort to contact me other than the practice manager and the cluster pharmacist that read my letter which was received 25th May 2021 and marked confidential. So my faith and trust in this particular practice have gone straight out of the window. If I need medical attention I will just go straight to A&E”.
Heart palpitations in women can sometimes be the result of hormonal changes that happen during:
In these cases, the palpitations are usually temporary and not a cause for concern.
Heart rhythm problems
Heart palpitations are sometimes caused by a problem with the heart rhythm (arrhythmia), such as:
atrial fibrillation – this is the most common type, where the heart beats irregularly and faster than normal
atrial flutter – a fast and irregular heartbeat
supraventricular tachycardia (SVT) – abnormally fast heart rate
ventricular tachycardia – a more serious condition where the regular heartbeat is typically fast. It can be associated with dizziness or blackouts
Some heart palpitations may be associated with other types of heart conditions, such as:
a problem with the heart valves, such as mitral valve prolapse
hypertrophic cardiomyopathy – where the heart muscle and walls of the heart become enlarged and thickened
heart failure – where the heart is unable to pump blood around the body properly
congenital heart disease – birth defects that affect the normal workings of the heart
Some of these conditions can be serious and often require treatment.
Other medical conditions
Other conditions that can cause heart palpitations include:
an overactive thyroid (hyperthyroidism) – where the thyroid gland produces too much of the thyroid hormones
a low blood sugar level (hypoglycaemia) – this is most commonly associated with diabetes
types of anaemia, which affects the red blood cells
postural or orthostatic hypotension – dizziness and low blood pressure triggered by changing position (such as standing up)
a high temperature
When to see a GP
You do not usually need to see a GP if the palpitations pass quickly and only happen occasionally. They’re unlikely to be caused by a serious problem and probably will not need treatment.
But it’s a good idea to see a GP if:
the palpitations last a long time, do not improve or get worse
you have a history of heart problems
you’re concerned about the palpitations
To help find the cause, a GP may:
ask about your symptoms and medical history
arrange a blood test
carry out an electrocardiogram (ECG) to check your heart rate (if the GP has the equipment available)
If you cannot have an ECG at the GP surgery or the GP wants to arrange heart monitoring over a longer time period, you may be referred for tests at a local hospital.
When to get emergency help
Call 999 for an ambulance or go to your nearest A&E if you have heart palpitations and any of the following symptoms:
severe shortness of breath
chest pain or tightness
dizziness or light-headedness
fainting or blackouts
These symptoms could indicate a serious or potentially life-threatening heart problem that should be checked by a doctor straight away.
Did you know that rich people get depressed just like the disabled, working-class, and poor? In fact, in our current climate, everyone gets depressed at some point in their lives regardless, of gender, ethnicity, job title, social status, wealth, or physical and mental disabilities?
There is no such thing as a perfect world or perfect lifestyle that most of us try to strive for. The higher we climb the harder we fall and with more wealth, there will be more problems.
Rich people are prone to depression because a lot of money of their net worth exists in untouchable assets such as home equity and retirement accounts, not only pressures of work can take their toll on a person’s mental state. For rich people some of the time their wealth only exists on paper and they cannot spend it and run the risk of disappearing due to market conditions.
Rich people spend less time with their families and more time at work, this then puts strain on relationships.
Where the working class person can allocate time to spend with their families in the evenings and weekends and middle to high-class entrepreneurs will prioritize their business in order to run a tight ship. with no time wasted and every day is one day closer to striking gold and more gold. Not everyone is born privileged.
However, saying this person is born privileged or is famous and in the public arena may find it difficult to live normal lives. They cannot just pop down to a local cafe or supermarket their every move is documented so they live in a secluded place away from prying eyes.
The upper class and born privileged person may not understand about other classes and with money flowing may take their wealth for granted but again a wealthy person may also experience depression as they cannot walk on Gods earth freely without being followed by paparazzi and may have to have an entourage of security guarding them. They cannot walk into a store or go anywhere public. They are imprisoned in their own surroundings. They may not have the freedom to do things randomly unlike the rest of the world.
Most CEOs, founders, the innovators are prone to depression more so than the average person, possessing subtle psychopathic traits and be more prone to addiction.
Their addiction and obsession with work only fuel the fire to not fail. Rich people may also turn to alcohol and recreational drugs to self-medicate. These tendencies may even help the individual rise to such heights through their insecurities.
It is also suggested that even privileged rich kids are, counter-intuitively, more depressed and anxious than their middle- or low-income peers. This could be because a social group trap is so tight-knit that it would be virtually impossible to make friends out of their social circle, giving rich kids less freedom. Rich kids do not mix with poor kids or vice versa.
People on low incomes have lower expectations and working-class families learn to cope with the bare minimums and are truly grateful for what they have, which high class have more expectations and are not grateful of what they have because they always want more and better things than the Jones’s. Low-class families are more humble and can show more empathy and understand that a less privileged person will be eternally grateful for any help that is given to them.
Hence a lower class family will be eternally grateful compared to a wealthy family. Whilst a wealthy family will expect the best of the best and if they do not get what they desire they may experience anxiety and depression. There is currently not enough research about the prevalence of depression in the upper vs. the lower socioeconomic classes within a country.
Psychologists who have treated the very high-functioning C-suite types over the years have collected data consensus that tells them that people of high social status and enormous wealth are prone to major depression for a variety of reasons than people of other socioeconomic strata.
Todd Essig, a Forbes writer, and psychologist in New York City said “Uber-success can be depressogenic”. “Many C-suite executives are prone to depression, despite their success, maybe even because of it.”
Depression can affect the lives of everyone, in any stratum.
Regardless if you are rich, poor, or with a disability, no one is immune to anxiety and depression.
However, people who have extreme success are more prone to depression because a person who is successful has chased their own dream and is more protective of it causing isolation and the pressures to keep it a success and not to fail can cause a person to isolate.
People of extreme successes are more prone to criticism there will always be competitors and haters and people just watching and waiting for them to fail.
A person in the public eye may not always have people who will believe in their success.
In this not-so-perfect world where most of us want a perfect life, this is virtually impossible as money cannot buy you happiness. It is a constant battle to please people to have people on the same page as you and there will always be people that are jealous and will say things out of context just to hurt you. It is a constant battle to stay on top which triggers depression in those you’d least expect it. People who are successful, wealthy, and with a disability may find even more pressure to not fail and have to work even harder to get around obstacles. In fact, some of the most successful people in history have suffered from relentless, incapacitating depression – some have won their battles, or, at least, continued to battle, yet some, sadly, succumb to them.
Comparing yourself to the Joneses
People who are extremely successful and very wealthy will always want the best of the best and will always compete with one another to have something grander. This could be the best-hosted party in which mingling with other wealthy people only puts more pressure to make their event even more spectacular. Their competitors, neighbor, or friends dripping with jewels then their jewels would have to be bigger and more expensive, this could also be designer clothes, accessories, cars, properties, etc. They constantly compare themselves to the Joneses. Countries that are low-income, on the other hand, have low depression rates. However even countries with low wealth still like to compete, you should see the graves in Poland the bigger and grander reflects the wealth of the family.
Some people habitually measure their self-worth by materialistic items that they own. Even people of low wealth try to portray they are rich by wearing designer clothes and accessories but in reality, they do not have two pennies to rub together. Not everything that glistens is gold.
People of working or low class have time to delegate their free time whilst a person who is an entrepreneur will be more driven in making their business succeed and may neglect family in order to concentrate on making their business a success. Once at the top of the ladder they will constantly be overprotective to make their business stay in the number one spot. This adds further stress and anxiety and eventually depression.
People of the lower class do not have the same expectations and those of the working or middle or higher class. They may be complacent to what they have and will not be driven to improve their lives they will not have the same pressure as working or middle-class people. Entrepreneurs are on the spectrum of the lower, working, middle and upper class but they have a key goal to succeed. They will battle to climb the ladder. To achieve extreme success, a person needs to dedicate an extraordinary amount of time and effort to get there, which can make for a life that feels precipitous and lonely.
People climbing the ladder may find everyday things that people take for granted like spending time with family mundane and not proactive. Going for leisurely walks or taking time out to exercise may be an ordeal and you will be surprised that many successful people have their own Gyms or exercise bikes in their offices. Also engaging in meaningless conversations and socializing with people that do not have the same vision adds even more pressure to socially disconnect.
People who have been born wealthy and do not have to ever worry about putting food on the table may find it hard to cope if they find themselves in uncharted territory. People born into wealth do not understand and may find it harder to cope with life problems as they have always been shielded from it. Arnold Washton, a psychologist at Compass Health Group said that depression may also be more common in people who have only known wealth, since they may not be familiar with bootstrapping themselves through difficult times. However, people who self-made millionaires or billionaires may be more resilient as they have experienced the struggles of getting to the top and they know what to expect. A self-made millionaire, a billionaire has more authority to teach people about wealth than someone who was born with a silver spoon in their mouth.
Thehigher you rise the harder you fall.
To be always vigilant and be prepared for disasters and knowing from all the mistakes and failures you have had will give you a building block to start again. Having a stepping stone if things go belly up and being able to reinvent yourself is one key factor to making sure you succeed. If something is not working quite right create another building block. When business is bad, it goes without saying that depression would be more likely. In good economic times, even if every milestone is hit at exactly the right point, some may find that they feel they have failed. Rather than let everything come tumbling down have strategies in place for every economic disaster.
Just because someone is super-wealthy does not mean you have to be less empathetic towards them. By helping them get through their depression will encourage them to help you. The super-rich also have bills to pay and have obligations just like you and I. Obviously our bills are nothing compared to the magnitude of theirs but it’s bills all the same. Unless a person is a ruler of the land or oil tycoon even then the laws of the land may forbid their relatives to live normal lives. Even princesses have attempted to escape certain countries because they want to live normal lives. Knowing a person is depressed regardless of their stature one can only offer a helping hand this could be just an anonymous talk or perhaps advice and links to organizations.
Rich Person Insecurities.
Keeping up with the Jones
Health Issues, Mental Health, Physical and Mental Disabilities
Wealth/Money cannot buy you health or happiness. Wealth? Money is a tool and a monetary exchange for something you desire. Wealth can satisfy your needs and fill in an empty void, it can help secure your future and your family’s future but it cannot buy you health or happiness. Having material things and assets may make you feel more superior but it will never make you happy.
The key to happiness is knowing that what you do helps others. However to be happy you need to be healthy and you have to treat your body like a temple. If you look after your body it will look after you the spiritual being in the physical body.
If someone is suffering from depression and recognizes they have a problem this does not make them weak. By reaching out to someone is the first step to healing.
Sharing your pain, your worries, and anxieties are the first step to alleviating the problem. A person who is suffering should not suffer alone and needs to reach out to someone or seek professional help.
Regardless of the person’s title or wealth status, we are all human at the end of the day.
Regardless of who you are you can drop us a line you do not have to give your real name and you can set up a Gmail email if you simply feel life is unbearable we are here to lend an ear and we can offer suggestions.
Whatever you are going through you do not have to go through it alone. You are not the first or the last person to suffer and you should not suffer in silence.
Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) is a disorder in which people have recurring, unwanted thoughts, ideas, or sensations (obsessions) that make them feel driven to do something repetitively (compulsions).
Well, I must congratulate myself I actually ventured out of my home for the first time after 17 months at home on 09/09/21.
I was very aware of my surroundings and made sure to order an Executive Uber as both there and back, as I figured out not everyone can afford high-end fairs so fewer chances of contamination.
I suffer from OCD and germ contamination and although I could not hug or kiss my brother who had flown from the States to see both my daughter and me, he was surprisingly very understanding.
We first ventured into the “Prince of Wales” public house and I insisted on paying for the drinks but when it came to the contactless payment as luck would have it, my card failed to compute and I physically had to touch the keypad (Germ Red Flag) Obviously, I had hand sanitizer to hand to ease my trigger sensation.
We then made our way to “The Ivy” I thought seeing it was a special occasion and a celebration of me leaving my home in over a year it was also fitting that I footed the bill.
The food was nice other than I thought my steak was a bit gristly considering it cost nearly £33 and my brother’s shepherd pie looked like it was a starter rather than the main meal. In all the food was reasonable and was pleasantly surprised it did not cost that much when my daughter settled the bill through our joint account.
The waitress assumed because of my daughter’s age that she could not pay the full amount herself considering there were two older people sitting at the table. See it is wrong to presume or assume and you should never judge a book by its cover.
As for my OCD, I came prepared I had antibacterial wipes in my bag and wiped down my cutlery when none of the staff were looking and going to the public toilet I had my vinyl gloves to open and close the bathroom doors and flush the toilet. I did have one issue but managed to override my anxiety that someone before me had inserted the toilet roll into the holder, but I told myself that they would have been tested for Covid especially because of where we were at.
So will I venture out again in the next few months that is the question?
If anything I will be taking baby steps and only if I am comfortable doing so.
I am desperate for a hair cut but this sounds pretty much a big deal for me to spend what normally would be three and half hours having my hair done at a salon very overwhelming at present so will have to resort to online tutorials on how to cut my own hair for now. The thought of having multiple sets of hands, washing, cutting, and styling my hair is causing me anxiety, just thinking about it.
My brother said he will be coming over next year with his wife and his youngest son. So I need to somehow get over this obstacle of going out.
I did notice one thing that I was not that bothered about just using antibacterial wipes alone to sanitize the utensils as normally I would be having anxiety that this procedure was not good enough and I would need an extra layer of “Dettol” undiluted antiseptic disinfectant to not only sanitize my hands but also the cutlery, but I managed to suppress my anxiety and came home without it feeling like it was a big ordeal which any other time it would have been for me.
Perhaps my hypnosis is starting to work for me, although it is going to take a long time to fully recover, I am optimistic about my future.
The only thing that did upset me was I heard an old family friend’s house is up for sale and is empty and both numbers I had for this person are disconnected in my old home town which my brother went to visit and secondly, the other brother that passed away, his partner had no time to meet my brother who had flown from the USA because she was grieving her nephews suicide.
This hit a raw nerve for several reasons, one being when I reached out to her after my brother had died as I was desperate to go into hiding and perhaps could have avoided all the physical and mental abuse I endured from my ex-partner, not only was I in danger, I was also at my lowest mentally speaking and she did not phone me to see if I was alright. I won’t say that suicide did not cross my mind as I was really feeling very low, not only grieving my parents but also my brother’s death, and had to also endure an abusive physical and mental relationship in which I wanted to go somewhere where I would feel safe and where my ex could not find me.
She forgets sitting on her mighty throne the wealth she is rolling around in now, in the aftermath of my brother’s passing.
So although I sympathize that someone has committed suicide and it happens to be her nephew, however, one should not turn one’s back on anyone that reaches out who is living, as you do not know what they are going through and the consequences of your actions…..She turned her back on me and I will not forgive her and I find her to be hypocritical. It only affects her when it suits. She is partly to blame for how I am feeling today and I am sure my mental health could have not deteriorated as much as it did have she have helped me.
I bet she will deny I ever opened up to her or asked for her help, yet she will remember the restaurant “Red Hot” where we celebrated my daughter’s birthday and my ex-threatened me in public and I walked out of the restaurant in tears. I then spoke to her in the public toilets. The incident is so vivid to me, so I will be amazed if she cannot remember.
Cerebellar Atrophy is something that has motivated me to do research and studies because I personally have been diagnosed with it.
My symptoms are: I lose balance and jumble my words up or miss them out completely when I speak and when I write. Thank God for ‘Grammarly.
Whilst cerebellar atrophy can be the cause of drinking heavily, I personally do not drink alcohol other than on social occasions. It can also be due to head trauma which I cannot rule out.
There is a close connection between Multiple Sclerosis (which my daughter has been diagnosed with) and Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (which I also suffer from) as I will explain further.
What is the cerebellum and what does it do ?
The cerebellum (“little brain”) is a structure that is located at the back of the brain, underlying the occipital and temporal lobes of the cerebral cortex. The cerebellum is involved in the following functions: Maintenance of balance and posture.
The cerebellum is part of the brain. It lies under the cerebral cortex, towards the back, behind the brainstem, and above the spinal cord. The cerebellum is largely involved in “coordination”. Persons whose cerebellum doesn’t work well are generally clumsy and unsteady. They may look like they are drunk even when they are not.
The cerebellum contains a lot of neurons. According to Hurculano-Houzel (2010), it contains about 80% of the neurons in the brain. So small in size, large in number. It must be doing something pretty important. The large neuron count probably is due to the more elaborate folding of the cerebellar cortex, as the neurons are mainly close to the periphery.
Cerebellar disorders are rare. They are often called “ataxias”. According to Musselman et al (2014), the prevalence of childhood ataxia is 26/100,000 children. Ataxia is rare compared to cerebral palsy (211/100,00) and autism (620/100,000).
Many cerebellar disorders are genetic in origin. In general, the prevalence of genetic disorders and especially autosomal recessive disorders is much higher in populations where there is more consanguinity. Examples of this include Quebec, Canada, and the Al-Kharga district in Egypt. There are also many acquired cerebellar disorders. For example, drinking too much alcohol for a long time causes a cerebellar disorder.
There are several key functions of the cerebellum, including:
Balance and posture
Causes of Cerebellum Damage
Damage to the cerebellum, or to its connection to other parts of the nervous system, can be a result of trauma, health conditions, medications, and other factors, including:
Alcohol use disorder
Lead or mercury poisoning
Medications, including benzodiazepines or barbiturates
Conditions That Affect the Cerebellum
When your cerebellum is damaged, nerve cells break down and die and can cause the following:
Ataxia:The loss of control of voluntary movement (e.g., the ability to move your body the way you want)
Cognitive impairment:A reduction in conscious mental activities, including thinking, learning, memory, and concentration
Dystonia: Involuntary contraction of muscles that normally work in cooperation so that a body part is held in an unusual and often painful position as a result
Tremors: Involuntary, rhythmic contraction of muscles that can lead to shaking movements in the hands, legs, face, head, or vocal cords
Unsteady gait:Walking unsteadily or clumsily (A person with an unsteady gait may appear intoxicated even if that’s not the case.)
Vertigo:The dizziness sensation of spinning, swaying, or tilting, which is frequently associated with balance problems and often accompanied by nausea, vomiting, headache, or hearing loss
Diagnosis of Cerebellar disorders
The main clinical features of cerebellar disorders include incoordination, imbalance, and troubles with stabilizing eye movements. There are two distinguishable cerebellar syndromes — midline and hemispheric.
Midline cerebellar syndromes are characterized by imbalance. Persons are unsteady, they are unable to stand in Romberg with eyes open or closed, and are unable to well perform tandem gait. Severe midline disturbance causes “trunkal ataxia” a syndrome where a person is unable to sit on their bed without steadying themselves. Some persons have “titubation” or a bobbing motion of the head or trunk. Midline cerebellar disturbances also often affect eye movements. There may be nystagmus, ocular dysmetria, and poor pursuit.
Hemispheric cerebellar syndromes are characterized by incoordination of the limbs. There may be the decomposition of movement, dysmetria, and rebound. Dysdiadochokinesis is the irregular performance of rapid alternating movements. Intention tremors may be present in an attempt to touch an object. A kinetic tremor may be present in motion. The finger-to-nose and heel-to-knee tests are classic tests of hemispheric cerebellar dysfunction. While reflexes may be depressed initially with hemispheric cerebellar syndromes, this cannot be counted on. Speech may be dysarthric, scanning, or have an irregular emphasis on syllables.
Maintenance of balance and posture. The cerebellum is important for making postural adjustments in order to maintain balance. Through its input from vestibular receptors and proprioceptors, it modulates commands to motor neurons to compensate for shifts in body position or changes in load upon muscles. Patients with cerebellar damage suffer from balance disorders, and they often develop stereotyped postural strategies to compensate for this problem (e.g., a wide-based stance).
Coordination of voluntary movements. Most movements are composed of a number of different muscle groups acting together in a temporally coordinated fashion. One major function of the cerebellum is to coordinate the timing and force of these different muscle groups to produce fluid limb or body movements.
Motor learning. The cerebellum is important for motor learning. The cerebellum plays a major role in adapting and fine-tuning motor programs to make accurate movements through a trial-and-error process (e.g., learning to hit a baseball).
Cognitive functions. Although the cerebellum is most understood in terms of its contributions to motor control, it is also involved in certain cognitive functions, such as language. Thus, like the basal ganglia, the cerebellum is historically considered as part of the motor system, but its functions extend beyond motor control in ways that are not yet well understood.
Cerebellar Atrophy is one of the diagnostic features in PEHO syndrome (progressive encephalopathy with edema, hypsarrhythmia, and optic atrophy) and usually appears in the second year of life.
Symptoms of Cerebellar Atrophy.
The most characteristic symptom of cerebellar degeneration is a wide-based, unsteady, lurching walk, often accompanied by a back and forth tremor in the trunk of the body. Other symptoms may include slow, unsteady, and jerky movement of the arms or legs slowed and slurred speech, dizziness, lightheadedness, loss of balance, cognitive impairment, and nystagmus.
Cerebellar atrophy in the context of other disorders
Cerebellar Atrophy is the neuroradiological hallmark of many progressive ataxias of childhood. It is a nonspecific, yet useful neuroradiological sign (Poretti et al., 2008). Its differentiation from cerebellar hypoplasia can be difficult, especially if progression cannot be proven by repeated MRI. It is defined as a structurally normal cerebellum with enlarged interfolial spaces in a posterior fossa of normal size, while in cerebellar hypoplasia, the cerebellum is small and compact, without widened fissures between the foliae. Besides the hereditary ataxias, cerebellar atrophy can also be found in a multitude of other disorders, often, but not always, with additional neuroradiological abnormalities. If cerebellar atrophy is present, ataxia is often a clinical symptom, but this is not always the case. Hyperintensity of the cerebellar cortex in T2w images has been considered as pathognomonic for infantile neuroaxonal dystrophy (INAD), but has also been demonstrated in Marinesco–Sjögren syndrome or mitochondrial disorders.
Prominent cerebellar atrophy is present in many of the neurodegenerative disorders of childhood, including metabolic disorders. It can be an isolated neuroradiological feature in juvenile GM2 gangliosidosis. In late-infantile neuronal ceroid lipofuscinosis and Niemann–Pick disease type C, it is usually accompanied by mild supratentorial atrophy. It is part of the neuroradiological abnormalities in many disorders of white matter, especially in hypomyelination of basal ganglia and cerebellum (HABC) and the 4H syndrome (hypomyelination, hypodontia, and hypogonadotropic hypogonadism). In white matter disorders, the MRI appearance of the white matter is mostly sufficiently specific to make a diagnosis. Cerebellar atrophy is one of the diagnostic features in PEHO syndrome (progressive encephalopathy with edema, hypsarrhythmia, and optic atrophy) and usually appears in the second year of life. Pontocerebellar atrophy is prominent in certain subtypes of the congenital disorders of glycosylation (CDG), especially in CDG Ia which is a differential diagnosis for pontocerebellar hypoplasia.
Cerebellar Atrophy can also be acquired. Extreme prematurity can cause pontocerebellar atrophy. Acute cerebellitis and autoimmune disorders such as opsoclonus myoclonus syndrome can lead to cerebellar atrophy. More frequent causes of cerebellar atrophy are posterior fossa surgery or radiotherapy (Poretti et al., 2008).
Cerebellar Degeneration is a condition in which cerebellar cells, otherwise known as neurons, become damaged and progressively weaken in the cerebellum. There are two types of cerebellar degeneration; paraneoplastic cerebellar degeneration, and alcoholic or nutritional cerebellar degeneration. As the cerebellum contributes to the coordination and regulation of motor activities, as well as controlling the equilibrium of the human body, any degeneration to this part of the organ can be life-threatening. Cerebellar degeneration can result in disorders in fine movement, posture, and motor learning in humans, due to a disturbance of the vestibular system. This condition may not only cause cerebellar damage on a temporary or permanent basis, but can also affect other tissues of the central nervous system, including the cerebral cortex, spinal cord, and the brainstem (made up of the medulla oblongata, midbrain, and pons).
Cerebellar Degeneration can be attributed to a plethora of hereditary and non-hereditary conditions. More commonly, cerebellar degeneration can also be classified according to conditions that an individual may acquire during their lifetime, including infectious, metabolic, autoimmune, paraneoplastic, nutritional, or toxic triggers.
Conclusions: Altered functional connectivity between the cerebellum and cerebral networks involved in cognitive-affective processing in patients with OCD provides further evidence for the involvement of the cerebellum in the pathophysiology of OCD, and is consistent with impairment in executive control and emotion
Background: The role of the cerebellum in obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) has drawn increasing attention. However, the functional connectivity between the cerebellum and the cerebral cortex has not been investigated in OCD, nor has the relationship between such functional connectivity and clinical symptoms.
Methods: A total of 27 patients with OCD and 21 healthy controls (HCs) matched on age, sex and education underwent magnetic resonance imaging (MRI). Seed-based connectivity analyses were performed to examine differences in cerebellar-cerebral connectivity in patients with OCD compared with HCs. Associations between functional connectivity and clinical features in OCD were analyzed.
Results: Compared with HCs, OCD patients showed significantly decreased cerebellar-cerebral functional connectivity in executive control and emotion processing networks. Within the OCD group, decreased functional connectivity in an executive network spanning the right cerebellar Crus I and the inferior parietal lobule was positively correlated with symptom severity and decreased connectivity in an emotion processing network spanning the left cerebellar lobule VI and the lingual gyrus was negatively correlated with illness duration.
Altered functional connectivity between the cerebellum and cerebral networks involved in cognitive-affective processing in patients with OCD provides further evidence for the involvement of the cerebellum in the pathophysiology of OCD and is consistent with impairment in executive control and emotion regulation in this condition.
Keywords: Cerebellar circuits; executive control network; functional connectivity; obsessive-compulsive disorder.
Cerebellar atrophy is more extensive in patients with secondary progressive MS and those with longer disease duration when compared with people who have relapsing-remitting (RR) MS and/or shorter disease duration, and cerebellar atrophy has been shown to correlate with clinical measures of disability.
The Difference Between Anxiety Attack Vs. Panic Attack.
As most of my readers are aware I suffer from OCD and Anxiety. I have suffered for over 35 years. With this in mind, I have decided to look into alternative therapy (hypnosis) to try and help myself and people like me.
Since the beginning of lockdown 2020, I have not ventured out of my home. All grocery is delivered and the nearest interaction I have with humans physically is when I have to meet and greet couriers or workmen and that suits me fine. I am the happiest and at home in my own environment.
I conduct all my business online and do not need to have face-to-face meetings.
However, this is more complicated and easier said than done. My friends are understanding and are happy to give me the space I need but my family on the other hand is another matter.
First off, someone said to me towards the beginning part of this year, that it was unhealthy of me to stay home 24/7 and that I should go up the road for 10 minutes each day.
I used to train ‘Muay Thai Kickboxing‘ and used to spend an hour at home exercising using DVDs before hitting the gym, so if I wanted to have any exercise I could in the comfort of my home without having to take the mindless waste of time walks as what was suggested. Besides standing outside waiting for delivery drivers gives me all the fresh air I need.
My time is better spent working and learning rather than walking up the road for no reason, I get my ten minutes each day waiting for the couriers as I cannot sprint down the stairs like I used to prior to having a vicious attack on my knee which left me unable to walk very far or down the stairs as easily as I used to be able to do.
However my extended family are the least bit interested in my explanations and are narrow-minded and simply think I am making excuses, how little do they know about my health or my life for that matter.
The other suggestion at the beginning part of this year was that once lockdown was lifted we should all meet up and go to dinner. I explained I have not had the vaccine jabs without going into any details about why I had not and cannot have the vaccine.
The response was if not for myself how about protecting the population to which I replied about herd immunity.
So because of this conversation, it then went on the grapevine that I do not go out, which has raised alarm bells amongst my closest family members.
Most do not bother with me and only talk to me at Christmas (small talk) yet they have my well-being at heart and concern themselves about my health, ironically, and think it is right to be judgemental of my actions.
Just because I have OCD does not make me insane, I am still in control of my faculties and can decide what is good for me and what is not. If I can write this post I am certainly an abled body person, just because my brain works differently does not make me less of a person or pitied upon.
I do not go out for a few reasons:
I do not want to risk catching Covid as I am more susceptible of contracting it without being vaccinated.
I have developed Social Anxiety and simply do not want to interact physically with other people.
My OCD has got worse because I am more paranoid about germ contamination and have dedicated my life to beating this disease by researching neuroplasticity and hypnosis. I have already completed one course and will document my findings on www.ocd.cymru which I happen to own.
I run a business I do not have spare time off to take off work, taking time off work means I have to pay someone to do my job. Since Lockdown I lost a lot of business so I am now trying to get back on my feet again. I have survived unlike businesses like Debenhams, Top Shop etc, so I am fortuante I have got a business.
None of this is taken into consideration or matters to my family (extended or otherwise) I feel my disability because it is invisible people make the assumptions that it is not real and they get on the superior high horse casting judgment.
Therefore in anticipation of what is about to transpire in the next week, I have been put on the spot and feel this is a test to see if I am simply making things up, I PREDICT I may have a PANIC ATTACK, seeing as I have ANXIETY ISSUES simply thinking about it.
I am so desperately trying to not work myself up as the day draws near.
So although I feel that some of my family means well in a certain capacity, because they do not know the full picture of my circumstances and some even live abroad and only see me every once in a while they do not fully comprehend my life, my health, or my work and simply do not understand.
I had one family member in South America asked when I was going to visit. The trip is not a taxi cab away and I have a business to run and the response I had was “so you can’t afford to come over then?” ……..automatically judging me.
In my defense, I cannot afford to catch Covid, my business is my baby and I will not let anything happen to it.
The sheer thought of going into the city and meeting my family member, mingling around strangers that may or may not be carrying the virus is causing me a great deal of anxiety and distress and this is in the UK never mind in some foreign country.
If I live to tell the tale unless and unless a miracle happens, Covid is eradicated, my Social Anxiety and OCD subsides, you will not see me venturing out again for a very long time after this unless I am cured of my disabilities and the virus has gone.
Anxiety vs Panic.
The terms anxiety attack vs. panic attack are often used interchangeably, but they have two they have very different meanings.
Anxiety is a prolonged build-up of worry but a panic attack is sudden. Whilst both have similar symptoms, there are definite distinctive differences between the two and the length of time one suffers. They also may differ in how they are triggered, and how they are treated.
Although there are similarities between the two, we need to fully comprehend the difference, as well, such as analyze risk factors, physical symptoms, and how to treat an attack, so that you can accurately document symptoms and problems to your doctor.
Both conditions are treated differently, so it is important to diagnose whether you are having anxiety attacks or panic attacks.
Early Signs and Symptoms
One of the main differences between anxiety attacks vs. panic attacks is how they start.
An anxiety attack usually has a gradual or prolonged onset. Just as I am experiencing now the simple thought of seeing one of my family members is causing me great anxiety and distress.
If I have not hugged or touched my daughter for the last 10 years imagine having to physically interact with a close relative in the midst of the Covid Pandemic, without offending them.
Other symptoms of anxiety usually precede it. It is also usually caused by a specific situation that can be narrowed down as the cause of the anxiety attack.
However, panic attacks are not obvious and come on spontaneously. They have an immediate onset, usually out of the blue, with no gradual build-up.
These types of attacks can come on without warning, regardless of the situation going on around you. Usually, it is a trigger to a response. Similarly, if I had a call out of the blue that I had to go out of my comfort zone I would most probably have a panic attack.
Sometimes an anxiety attack may turn into a panic attack especially if there has been a gradual build-up as in my case. The body is already in defense mode and is simply waiting for a trigger.
There are some similarities in the symptoms between anxiety attack vs. panic attack. While the physical symptoms are remarkably similar, they can vary in intensified intrusive thoughts and feelings between the two types of attacks. Anxiety attacks come with more prolonged thought than panic attacks which are sudden.
Anxieties are gradual feelings of apprehension or worry, distress, restlessness, or fear. These symptoms usually start before the actual attack and persist long after the attack is over.
Panic attacks are sudden, you may have similar symptoms as an anxiety attack but these symptoms are more intensified. With a panic attack, you may feel you are gasping for air or feel light-headed and want to be sick or you may experience a debilitating fear and a feeling of being afraid of losing control and everything is caving in around you. You may even have physical symptoms of the attack that may make you feel as though you are about to die.
Panic attacks also tend to come with a feeling of detachment from the world around you, called derealization, or detachment from yourself, called depersonalization. A panic attack may cause you to distance yourself from everything and everyone.
Physical Symptoms Of Both
The physical symptoms of anxiety attack vs. panic attack are the same. The difference here is in the intensity. One study found that anxiety attacks in which a specific situation or stimuli perpetuated the attack held stronger, more intense physical symptoms than panic attacks that came on out of the blue.
The most common physical symptoms of anxiety and panic attacks are:
Feeling Faint, Dizziness/lightheadedness
Feeling Sick, Nausea
Tightness of the Chest and Chest pain
Feeling Hot and Sweating
Gasping for Air, Shortness of breath
Other symptoms that may occur with anxiety and panic attacks include:
Finding it hard to swallow, tightness in the throat, feeling as though you are choking
Uncontrolable Shuddering and Trembling or Shaking
Pins and Needles, Numbness or tingling
A headache with an onset of a Migraine
Physical symptoms can be similar with both anxiety or panic attacks in equal measure. However, the symptoms could be more intense and last longer with anxiety attacks, because they are situational. If the situation persists, the attack could last quite some time.
Differences In Duration
With Anxiety, the duration can be days, weeks, or months and there are distinct differences between anxiety attacks vs. panic attacks. A panic attack is sudden and comes on out of the blue and lasts only about an average of ten minutes, symptoms quickly dissipate after the attack is over.
With anxiety, the attack is likely to last until the situation changes, or you are removed from the situation. Symptoms of the anxiety attack, such as restlessness, worry, and distress, could last for some time after the anxiety attack is over.
Anxiety is the manifestation of your negative thoughts that fester in your mind. There are also differences in triggers between anxiety attacks vs. panic attacks. The exact causes or triggers of panic attacks depend on what you fear most and what is worrying you. They are sudden and may start with no discernable cause. It could be stage fright or being forced into an uncomfortable situation out of your comfort zone.
Anything can trigger a panic attack based on your fears. It is sometimes hard to determine the cause of panic attacks, although people who have certain fears and worry about certain situations may experience panic attacks when their worries start to materialize.
With anxiety attacks, the triggers depend on the situation someone is in. People with extreme social disconnection disorders may have an anxiety attack when faced with a crowd of people.
Someone who is afraid of spiders may freak out if they see one and will not go back into a room until the spider has gone. People who have a phobia of closed spaces might have an anxiety attack in a small elevator. People afraid of needs may refuse to have a vaccine. Someone who has dental anxiety might have an anxiety attack at the dentist.
People cope with anxiety and fears in different ways. Some smoke, cigarette, drink alcohol, or take prescribed or recreational drugs. So use sex as a way of release and maybe promiscuous.
There are many possible triggers for anxiety attacks. It depends on the person’s tolerance threshold of their fears. Different people have different fears, phobias, and levels of comfort with different situations. The things that trigger one person may be very different from the things that may trigger someone else.
Risk Factors For Both
It is not entirely known what causes anxiety and panic attacks. However fear is a contributing factor. The risk factors of anxiety attack vs. panic attack are the same. If you have these risk factors, you are more likely to have anxiety attacks or panic attacks. Some common denominators have been noted over time in various studies as follows:
Chronic health condition
Mental health disorder
Family history of anxiety or panic disorders
Alcohol and Drug Abuse
Differences In Treatment
Anxiety attacks are often treated as a symptom and can be treated with medication, cognitive-behavioral therapy, and hypnosis. Cognitive-behavioral therapy works in managing anxiety attacks and other mental health disorders and can help stop the gradual onset of the anxiety attack.
Panic attacks must be treated differently. Because they may be less frequent and can often not be predicted.
Therapy can be a helpful way to learn how to manage panic attacks. Therapy can help a person deal with a panic attack a little bit better if they are prepared in advance and know what to do.
What To Do If You Have An Attack
When you feel an attack coming on take slow deep breaths. Focus on your breathing and don’t allow it to quicken. It is also important to stay focus and not panic, try to control the situation with your thoughts and your breathing. Tell yourself the symptoms will pass, but you need to stay calm.
You can also use self-hypnosis relaxation techniques to help you get through the attack. Visualize a tranquil safe place and put all your negative thoughts and burn them in your mind.
Heart racing/palpitations or feeling like the heart is pounding
Difficulty breathing, gasping for air, shortness of breath
Shaking uncontrolably, sweating trembling or hot flashes
Feeling faint, light headed with the room spinning.
Pins and needles, numbness or tingling
Dissociation and disconnection
Tolerance Levels Changing
The sudden, intense panic attack symptoms often mimic the fight or flight response; the brain may perceive a threat even when there isn’t one. I have had such attacks in the past and where I was either out of my comfort zone or was in danger, I started to panic.
Can an anxiety attack turn into a panic attack?
You’ve likely heard the terms anxiety attack and panic attack used interchangeably. Though similar and interconnected in many ways, anxiety attacks and panic attacks are not the same.
Chronic anxiety can lead to anxiety attacks or states of heightened anxiety. Heightened anxiety leaves you feeling more vulnerable, so it’s not uncommon for panic attacks to evolve from this sort of emotional state.
How long do panic attacks last?
Panic attacks depend from person to person and generally last 5-20 minutes, although it has been known it can last hours or more.
How do you calm a panic attack?
There are several ways of dealing with panic disorder symptoms or a panic attack, these include deep breathing exercises, mind control with positive thoughts.
What works for one person may not work with another. Some people for instance may find that distracting themselves from their thoughts by talking with others or doing something creative is an effective way to calm themselves, whilst others might find it difficult to concentrate on anything other than their symptoms.
Controlling Panic Attacks.
Find something to distract yourself this could be reading a book, baking a cake or talking to someone.
Learn deep breathing techniques.
Practice meditation and muscle relaxation techniques.
Accept that you are having a panic attack and that, while the feeling is uncomforable the symptoms will not last forever.
Focus on positive thoughts.
What triggers a panic attack?
Panic attacks can be set off by specific situations, manifested through a triggered fear.
People who suffer from anxiety disorders, panic disorder, or other mental health conditions are more likely to experience panic attacks than others.
What alternative help other than medicationis available?
Panic attacks and chronic anxiety can be alleviated through meditation and hypnosis. However, if you’re dealing with the symptoms of panic disorder or panic attacks, it’s best to be medically reviewed and receive the diagnosis or treatment of a healthcare professional.
What Natural Remedies are there for Anxiety?
Breathing exercises concentrating on inhalation/exhalation.
Muscle relaxation exercises
Distraction – Find something to do to take your mind off things. For me it is blogging or reading a book or watching a documentary.
Scripting positive thoughts
Keeping a journal, keeping track of thoughts and anxietythis helps to recognise the triggers. Part of conquering anxiety is understanding it!
What to drink to calm nerves?
Avoid caffeinated alcohol, coffee, or tea as sometimes caffeine can sometimes amplify the feelings and sensations you’d like to avoid. Drink herbal teas instead,
Drop us an email or leave a comment below and I will send you a herbal tea book for free.
If your symptoms are chronic or severe, it may be time to seek help.
Note From The Editor.
I have heard that lavender helps to relax you and aromatherapy can help with anxiety and stress. I am trying to be brave meeting my relative and leaving my comfort zone for the first time in one and half years and will update you on how it went on the 9th of this month.
I can feel my heart racing a bit but I am distracting myself with my work and also doing some self-hypnosis sessions on myself.
I have not cured myself of OCD yet and simply interacting with other human beings is going to be very daunting and a big ordeal for me considering I will be out for the majority of the day including going somewhere to eat. I am not sure how I will cope, to be honest, so wish me luck.
Obsessive-compulsive disorder is a neurological mental health anxiety disorder where a person may have irrational compulsive and often debilitating recurring thoughts and behaviors that they cannot control.
The main symptoms of obsessive-compulsive disorder are unpleasant thoughts and repetitive behaviors, which a person cannot control. Obsessive-compulsive disorder is usually treated with therapy and medication.
Different Types of OCD are:
Contamination / Mental Contamination
Symmetry and ordering
Ruminations / Intrusive Thoughts
Hair Pulling (Trichotillomania)
For me, I find it difficult to touch things other people have touched before me. I also do not like being touched by anyone, hugs, kisses, shaking hands, and patting on the shoulder back, arm, are all out of the question.
I cannot sit on a chair that someone else has sat on especially in public. I cannot touch door handles.
Since the pandemic, I have not left my home to go out to any public places.
If I have to touch the outer packaging of food for example I use disposable gloves. When I meet and greet couriers and delivery drivers it is with disposable gloves.
“I cannot have anyone touch my personal possessions or contaminate the quarantined area of my home. I cannot bear to be touched”. I cannot stand people standing too close to me and with the Covid Regulations that is a blessing in disguise for me.
I am researching neuroplasticity and hypnosis as this has never been offered to me in the 38 years I have suffered from OCD.
I will use myself as the subject matter (patient). Obviously, my journey is a long one and what I learn will not be overnight but with what I learn I will share to help others like me.
My first experience of personal OCD was when my banker boyfriend’s parents who were middle-classed looked down on me because I came from a working-class and foreign eastern european background and his mother saying and I quote “you can find someone better than my son” when our relationship was breaking down. I remember his mother insisting I ate more and have second helpings in order to fatten me up for the slaughter.
I started to feel if I washed my hands and avoided certain things I could salvage my relationship with my boyfriend. I was afraid I was not pretty, clever, or rich enough for him and his family.
They judged me rather than supported me.
I was on the verge of a mental breakdown and when the relationship ended I started to avoid mentioning his name, this was another OCD trait avoiding certain words or numbers.
What was the icing on the cake which made me realize it was not me it was him was when he invited me over to his house, unaware he was engaged to be married and whilst his fiance was not around and all the engagement cards were on the mantlepiece and he tried to make a sexual move on me and with my head up high I asked him to call a taxi for me and I made sure he never saw me again.
I blame my ex and his family for the start of my OCD somewhat 38 years ago and how I was treated by them all. As life has progressed and more trauma has come into my life the worse my OCD has got to the stage thinking I will never be able to get rid of it…
“Hopefully whilst I do my experiment on myself through self-help therapy I will be able to write a new chapter, I know it will not be an overnight success and I will do it at my own pace without any pressure.”. All I will say is watch this space! I will keep you posted in my online journal.
Below are some thought-provoking videos which I thought maybe useful to someone.
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