DISABLED ENTREPRENEUR - DISABILITY UK

Disability UK Online News Journal, Disability Business Directory, All In One Business Solutions

Starting a Business & Deciding On A Domain Name.

domain names

If you are starting out or already established you should get domains that are an exact match of searchable keywords or phrases.

If you already have one website you should consider setting up an SEO link wheel and driving traffic from different directions especially if you offer more than one service. A person looking for marketing may not think to check your web design website. Or if you are a hairdresser but also offer beauty therapy you could capture traffic using another site linked to yours.

I will keep this post short but we have listed some domain names which are at auction on Godaddy. You can also find them on Afternic.

The list can be found here:

If you are looking for a domain and it is not available we also offer an acquisition service.

Just drop us a line using the form below:

#disabilitydomainnames #disabledentrepreneur #domainnames #domainsforsale #domainacquistions

Zena’s Online Journal, Diary of My Multiple Sclerosis Journey.

Hi This Is Zena, Welcome To My Online Journal.

I suffer with Multiple Sclerosis. My mum is my carer and also the editor of this website.

I have good days and bad days and my legs ache and I am tired most of the time. I have had my medication of Gabapentin increased because I cannot cope with the pain.

I had my annual MRI, I also had a CT scan done earlier this year and it was observed I have new lesions.

The professor of neurology has decided because I have relapsed, that I have to have a new course of treatement which should start in the next couple of weeks followed by a course of steriods to shut down my immune system and then the infusion. Because of Covid I cannot have visitors so will be stuck on the ward by myself.

I have already got my stash of snacks, bicuits, chocolates, sweets etc. Im not a fan of hospital food and it is not as if they will let me go to the hospital shops with my drip in tow.

Treatment – Alemtuzumab (Lemtrada).

I have just signed the consent form for the drug “Alemtuzumab” which was taken off the NHS last time round by the Europen Medicine Agency (EMA) and has been brought back in again? https://marketingagency.cymrumarketing.com/2019/10/15/lemtrada-alemtuzumab-sanofi-genzyme/

Prior to the treatment I have to go on a listeria diet, can’t wait (just kidding).

https://www.lemtrada.com/stories/experiences-articles/food-safety-during-ms-treatment

https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/listeriosis/

I now have to have more stricter screening because of the potential risks and side effects, which I assume is for the NHS benefit to cover their backs I suppose.

I often get MS hugs which feel paralysing. I have been experiencing sharp and dull headaches, but I guess that is from my lesions. I even have a pineal gland cyst lesion so it is (confirmed I have a third eye) lol, I am a spiritual being.

https://www.med.unc.edu/neurosurgery/services/pedsneuro/pediatric-neurosurgery-blog/pineal-cysts/

Daily Routine.

Like I said before no two days are the same. Depending how stressed I am will depend how my day pans out. I do suffer with depression and I do worry. Although this is not diagnosed but I do regcognise the symptoms. I do get very upset sometimes and I do try and stay focused and occupy my mind with something from keeping the intrussive thoughts creeping in.

Stress & Studies.

I cannot cope with stress, I experince anxiety and it gets very overwhelming to the point my hands tremble. I have in the past hurled my old Acer computer across the room with rage. I am hot headed and cannot cope well with stress and problems so I am grateful I have my mum as my carer because she told she revieved a letter from the DWP today and this is how long she was on the phone for to speak in total of less than 6 minutes. If this was me I would have smashed my phone.

Several studies have shown that stressful life events are associated with a subsequent significant increase in risk of multiple sclerosis (MS) exacerbations.

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3115807/

Timeline.

My timeline of things that have happened to me although I do not always remember to document everything are:

27th September 2021.

I noticed bruising on my foot. I am very vigilant when it comes to bruising as I have been told that Alemtuzumab can cause Immume Thrombocytopecnic Pupura (ITP). Immune thrombocytopenic purpura (ITP) Formerly known as idiopathic thrombocytopenic purpura is a blood disorder characterized by a decrease in the number of platelets in the blood. Platelets are cells in the blood that help stop bleeding. A decrease in platelets can cause easy bruising, bleeding gums, and internal bleeding. In severe casestreatment may include medications to boost your platelet count or surgery to remove your spleen. https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/idiopathic-thrombocytopenic-purpura/symptoms-causes/syc-20352325

22nd December 2021.

I developed a random rash on my face, I did not eat or use any new products it just came out of nowhere. I wonder if I will develop a rash when I had it last time, it looks like measles and you get it all over your body. Mine lasted a day, thank God.

15th April 2022

My lip started to swell and I had bleeding inside my mouth. As you can see from the photo it then turn all blistery. I took some antihistimines and after a few days it settled down. I did go to Boots pharmacy and they confirmed it was not a cold sore but an allergic reaction, again I never took anything out of the ordinary, no new skin or bath, detergent products and no new food, weird?

21st April 2022.

I slipped in the bath and ended bruising my lower torso. It was painful for a few days but it healed relatively quickly.

26th April 2022.

I noticed bruising large reddish purple bruising on my inner thiegh towards my knee, again very random.

20th April 2022.

I received a letter that I had to come into hospital to have my bloods (7 vials) and sign the consent form to have the treatment.

So in a couple weeks time I will be starting the treatment which I am not looking forward to because I will be immune suppressed so won’t be able to go anywhere public for a fews after that, but I should be used to it by now from past experience of previous treatment and the Covid Lockdowns.

Wish me luck and I will try to post again soon.

#multiplesclerosis #ms #alemtuzumab #lemtrada #nhs #neuorology #stress #ema #europeanmedinceagency #pip #carer

Tibbles The MS Therapy Cat Birthday Celebrations!

Tibbles The MS Therapy Cat Birthday Celebrations.

MS Therapy Cat.

This Post Is To Mark The Birthday Celebrations Of My Daughter’s MS Therapy Cat “Tibbles” On The 13th of May 2018.

When we first found out my daughter was diagnosed with MS (Multiple Sclerosis) I started to research as you do on Google and had a few sites recommending a therapy cat. By coincidence, my daughter knew someone selling a kitten and pleaded with me to have one.

I was hesitant at first as I never owned a cat before and did not know the first thing about looking after one. Being soft I agreed so that my daughter could adopt it. She named him Tibbles or Tibbs for short and he arrived a little black fur ball only a few weeks old.

Yes he is black and he was born on the 13th but then again so was I.

It is Friday the 13th tomorrow and I consider that a good omen. He is our lucky cat.

He can hardly be called a therapy cat he can be a little monster at times but for the most part, he is well behaved. He loves catnip and will only eat off bone china plates. Only the best for our Tibbles.

He is not comfortable around strangers and tends to hide if we have visitors. He occasionally loves to do a sprint of 30 miles per hour and has been known to climb our walls and curtains. He also can play fetch, seriously now if you throw a little scruntched-up ball of paper he will bring it back to you.

He has a unique personality and has an attitude going as far as back chatting, not that we understand anything he is meowing.

Now that we have got him he is now part of the family.

I just thought he will be the reason why I won’t be able to travel this Christmas (yeah) as I will have to look after him purr-fect planning.

Happy Birthday, Tibbs, you are now internet famous xx.

I will upload some photos and videos soon!

#MSTherapyCat #TibblesTheBlackCat #MrTibbles #TibbleTheCat

Renata’s Online Journal 11/05/22

Keep your business moving forward

Renata’s Online Journal.

My Online Journal is my safe space where I can share my stories and vent. I do not always write negatively but of late I have noticed blue-chip corporations treating people badly so not only is this my online therapy it also is a voice for people who cannot or do not know how to stand up for themselves.

Dear Diary,

I have not made an entry here for a while and yesterday was the ideal time to do some journaling and spill the beans.

The morning started out with me phoning all my insurance providers as I had deleted some direct debits in error. I suffer from cognitive impairment caused by cerebellum atrophy and sometimes muddle my words up. The words can be very overwhelming for me at times. Being stressed does not help and where I should have canceled one insurance policy, I actually canceled three. As it turns out the other two direct debits were obsolete, but still having to phone all nine companies was challenging.

The other problem I have is dreading talking over the phone so when I tried to rectify the problem via email I was point-blank declined and was told to call. The calling is not so bad but it listening to the prompts Press #1 for what you had for breakfast Press #2 what you had for lunch and #Press #3 just to annoy you more (just kidding) although I have been subjected to up to 4 minutes of this from various companies before the annoying music starts playing. God forbid if your call drops and you have to start all the BS all over again.

Insurers do not make it easy, so although you may take out insurance by a said insurer the underwriters a separate company collect payment. So there could be the same underwriter for multiple insurers which can make it difficult when trying to find out who is who. I have done a spreadsheet so that I do not get caught out again, but by the 9th insurer I had enough, yet my day was only starting.

I then got an email from British Gas that they needed me to phone them to set up a direct debit. I have anxiety about talking over the phone to people. The term used is Telephobia, but I bit the bullet and phoned them. I got to speak to someone who at first came across as slightly condescending when she thought I was unemployed with mental disabilities, (people confuse mental disabilities with stupidity on the contrary Albert Einstien, Nikola Tesla, and Charles Darwin to name a few all had mental disabilities (OCD – Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) ) so it was a shock to her when I mentioned this site. She then changed her tune and was more understanding and helpful going as far as giving me some links and recommending that I contact some of the links she had provided.

What rattled me was, that I was paying £65 at the beginning of the year then it went up to £90, and yesterday she wanted £138 per month. I was told I use more gas than the average household. The way I see it regardless if I did not use any gas at all, I still would have to pay for the service. I am not going to reduce the quality of my life and sit at home freezing cold. or only cook once a week. If a person is struggling to pay £90 then how the hell are they supposed to find the money to pay £138?

A little bit of maths and common sense would not go a miss.

“What are people supposed to do, do they have to rob banks or starve”?

Our PM is allegedly dragging his heels at helping the UK with the rise in the cost of living yet he is quick to give support to Sweden and Finland. Yet coming from a privedged upbringing he has never had any worries about where his next paycheck is going to come from or about putting food on the table. Living in a home that was decorated from private donations and wallpaper at £840 per roll he will never understand how the other half lives. His wallpaper is ugly just saying and I would not pay £1 per roll let alone £840.

https://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/politics/boris-johnson-wallpaper-flat-refurb-b1850209.html

Someone on LinkedIn commented “that charity starts a home”, but what she failed to comprehend was the support in the event of a military attack on these countries will be money in BJs / Chancellor of the Exchequers Pockets so to speak. W#ar is big business at the expense of the people. How do you accumulate wealth if you do not lend money or charge interest on the money you lend out? This is how the money system works. If you lone out jets, sell ballistic and nuclear missiles you have to get paid and its one big game of the winner takes it all.

I do not support the funding of the lavish lifestyles of the 1% that think they own us and rob us blind. I never agreed to slaving away, did you?

No one owns me. I have a voice and I am not afraid to use it!

I am a spiritual being in a physical body and we are here for a reason and it is to teach others, empower and motivate and not steal, abuse, or kill, we are supposed to be intelligent human beings, not animals.

We should be able to distinguish right from wrong and if the likes of P#tin who orders the mass killings then he is no better than something that has just crawled out of a sewer. These people are vermin.

In fact, any person in power that has done wrong should be punished the same way as a member of public and should also be kicked out of office, I refer to certain politicians, that got a slap on the wrist and fines, for their publicised antics.

There is a Scottish MP trending at the moment that allegedly had £25 Million in Funding For PPE that supposedly ended up being used due to it not being of high quality and was returned. This MP is now being investigated.

Just imagine if this was the average entrepreneur that had done this, they would be facing a custodial sentence for fraud, but I guess if you own 6 houses (one in Belgravia in London) you have enough money to pay for a jail-free card on the monopoly board.

I spoke about a previous post about why people do not care and the customer representative said that people do care and that she cared (no they don’t unless it directly affects them). She then asked could she help me with anything else and I said “help me bring in more clients”, the call then ended without any feedback on my remark…I rest my case!

Reference the money she expected me to agree to I said I will pay, but will not be able to eat and the CEO of British Gas will certainly not have a problem bringing food to the table whilst I will and this is where she started to be sympathetic.

Frustration

I got my frustration out, if nothing else, and told her she was professional and had a calming voice, I just did not mention the fact she made me feel bad at the beginning of the conversation as what would have been the point. I felt had I not mentioned I am self-employed the conversation would have been slightly different.

If you have watched the video “The Hidden Secrets Of Money” By Mike Maloney”, you will start to realize this is one big game of monopoly with the Blue Chip Companies at the top of the food chain STEALING our prosperity.

“The is a Great Reset Looming on the Horizon”.

Do you think it is by chance this P#tin W#ar has broken out or is it something to do with the deficit spending and all the price rises? Have you forgotten about Brexit and how much money UK is in debt by and how much money they have to pay back, never mind the trade w#ar in China and the USA. Putting the jigsaw pieces together can you not see a picture emerging?

These blue-chip companies get a 6% commission for our sweat, labor, and hardship. Do you think that the dictator started the w#ar himself or was it pre-arranged at the round table, by a selected few?

People at the top of the food chain seem to think they own and control you and in a way they do.

An example of a battery in the matrix was Virgin Media which I have for months had an ongoing dispute again I have communicated by email and have told them not to phone me and what do they do? they only phone even though I specifically requested not to. What was interesting though my phone was on “do not disturb” but they managed to get through and the phone rang. I re-iterated how much emotional distress they put me through and I am still no closer to a resolution as the email I was promised I would have, never materialized.

So you can imagine the poor sod on the other end of the line receiving my wrath and me saying “if you read my email do you not understand English”, his reply was he was ordered by someone above him to phone me and my final reply was that he obviously did not have the balls to stand up to the person. Most people are afraid of speaking up in the workplace for the fear of being fired. People go to work like sheep to get their paychecks the majority do not go to work because they love the company that employs them they are solely there to do a job and get paid. They are human robots being told what to do. Their “VOICE” in the metaphorical sense of the word is taken away, they are slaves to the employer for the hours they work.

Anxiety & Panic Attack.

The day continued with my brother telling me that he is coming over to the UK at Christmas. Under normal circumstances, I should be ecstatic but I am having a panic attack simply thinking about it.

I have not left my home for three years due to social disconnection and OCD, actually, tell a lie I went out once to meet him last year for the day and I felt so ill after that but he was oblivious to my disability. He told me that I have to arrange my schedule and my work around him. He told me we will be talking this weekend coming.

Notice how my disability and my work are of no significance to him and I have to just get over myself.

The icing on the cake was the final straw that broke the camel’s back so to speak with my neighbor announcing she is moving within the month. she without a doubt had to be the nicest neighbor I have ever had, she was always kind, and caring and never did me wrong. I will miss her.

I do believe nothing standstills and when one door closes another one opens so although I felt very depressed yesterday with low self-esteem. That was yesterday though and your mood can change if you stay occupied and not dwell on what is bothering you. I am hopeful about tomorrow and about brighter things to come. I am fortunate I have an online journal to vent my anger which I can share with whoever wants to read my challenges. I did come across a website called (www.storiboard.co.uk) not mine may I add but a portal to share your stories.

Telling Your Story.

Anyone reading this who wants a platform to share their stories is more than welcome to subscribe here and I will make you a contributor or will manually upload your stories for you. It won’t cost you a penny only your time, it is completely free.

Domestic Violence.

I have gone through a lot over the last two decades (I won’t go into it all here but I am a ‘survivor of domestic violence‘ and and this is what drives me to tell my story) I won’t say I am strong all the time. I have good days and bad days and yesterday was a bad day for me but I know I will get over it. I am still standing and I won’t let anyone break me, sure they can try but when they knock me down and I get back up again so help me God.

I will be writing my biography soon and I will be calling out all the people that have done me wrong. Don’t misunderstand me, I am not awkward or vengeful, I just think some people deserve their five minutes of fame.

Superiority.

No one on this planet is better than you, we all do the same things, we eat, sleep and go to the bathroom, and we all cannot survive without water or air. We all have red blood and if Adam and Eve were the first people, then their children would have been inbred so we are all brothers and sisters. The world is an evil place with evil people living in it trying to suck the last ounce of happiness out of you. They should be very worried about what happens to them after they die. Just because some use 24kt Gold WCs does not make them any better than you. We all have the right to live on this planet in harmony and without having to worry about where the next paycheck is going to come from and if we can put food on the table. No one should fear for their lives or be killed for some political agenda. No one should lose their life for the sake of debt ceilings and deficit spending.

“The Hidden Secrets of Money” By Mile Maloney.

Invisible Disability.

I have an invisible disability and I expect to be acknowledged as a human being and not be judged, I expect people to give me the respect I deserve. I do not need anyone giving me advice, or being patronizing, after all when it comes to mental health I specialize in the subject hence why I built this site.

Never assume anything with me without asking me first.

I know if my finances improved so would my mental health. My cerebellum atrophy is incurable but with new drugs coming on the market anything is possible. I am staying positive and hopefully, someone reading this will invest in me.

One day soon you will learn what one particular “evil animal” did to me and how I am recovering.

I have audio recordings of all the death threats he made to me.

He is no longer residing in the UK, he left last December for Germany however within a month of him starting work he was fired due to an altercation with a woman at his place of work, why does that not surprise me.

Unfortunately, because he does not speak fluent English he was unable to set up an email address so I did it for him and forwarded all his emails to me for translation purposes with his consent, however, I have no access to his settings anymore, and cannot un-forward myself hence I get his emails and all the antics he is getting up to.

I use outlook and have blocked his email but people sending emails to him still come into my inbox. I have started marking them as spam as I have no other way of stopping any communication.

Remember not all that glitters is gold and that was my mistake and I have learned the hard way.

One day I will rise from the ashes and tell my full story.

Staying Positive.

Tomorrow is another day and I aim for a brighter future!

If you found this article insightful, please take a moment to share, comment, and subscribe. Also before you go, please also consider donating the equivalent of a cup of coffee to help keep this “Disability UK” Online Journal going.

#anxiety #stress #depression #lowselfesteem #mentalhealth #mentalhealthdisabilities #Centrica #JanaSiber

Blue Butterfly
Keep your business moving forward

Wendy Kier Trauma Recovery Method™

WENDY KIER

Wendy Kier Trauma Recovery Method™

2nd-degree connection 2nd No1. Amazon Best-Seller Breaking the Trauma Cycle | TRAUMA RECOVERY MENTORING TRAINING FOR BUSINESS OWNERS & ORGANIZATIONS | Professional Speaker Talks about trauma, mentoring, trauma recovery, stress management, men’s mental health, and women’s mental health.

Wendy is located in Brighton, England, United Kingdom

You can follow Wendy on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/wendykier/

Wendy is launching a new book.

She also has available on Amazon:

#traumamentoring #traumarecovery #stressmanagment #mensmentalhealth #womensmentialhealth

Natalya Platonova – Serving British Soldier, Talks About Mental Health & Fundraising.

Natalya Platonova – Serving British Soldier, Talks About Mental Health & Fundraising.

Natalya Platonva – Honors & awards – The Commander Field Army Commendation Jan 2020 for outstanding service to the British Army.

On Sunday 8th May 2022 I will be embarking on a 185km trek from Oxford to Buckingham Palace along the Thames path. I will be cuffed to a 3kg medicine ball the whole way. Why? Because this medicine ball signifies the silent weight, torment, and suffering of mental illness that so many of us carry on our own. I will walk on behalf of everyone who is struggling and cannot find their voice to talk through distressing emotions.

This Christmas I too did not have a voice, I too felt like I could not speak and I came to the conclusion that the best way forward for me was to end my life. What brought me back from that dark period was finding the confidence to talk and confide in loved ones about how I was feeling. It is incredibly difficult to let go of that burden without feeling like you will pass it on to someone else. So we lock it away and suffer in silence. There is still a massive stigma in regards to mental wellness. I want to help break that stigma with every mile I cover. I won’t be approached by strangers whilst I walk and for that curiosity to turn into honest conversations. Remember, someone’s smile could be masking something else beneath the surface.

If this resonates with you, please donate, support, and share this far and wide. Thank you 🙏🏼

ABF The Soldiers’ Charity

Combat Stress

https://events.soldierscharity.org/fundraisers/natalyaplatonova/medicine-ball-challenge


British Army

#mentalhealth #charity #medicineballchallenge #army #military

Launching Your Business Career as a Young Adult with Disabilities

Image via Unsplash

Author: Mega Cooper.

Launching Your Business Career as a Young Adult with Disabilities

Starting your career in business can seem like a challenge, especially if you’re a young adult with disabilities. Luckily, by using the right approach, it’s simpler. Here’s a look at how you can launch your business career as a young adult with disabilities, presented by Megan Cooper.

Pick the Right Degree Program

In most cases, a business career starts with a college degree. However, you want to choose the right program from the beginning.

While a slew of degrees could work for a business career, some options are more lucrative than others. If enhancing your earnings potential is a priority, you may want to choose:

  • Accounting
  • Business
  • Economics

Any of those degrees can be the foundation for a business career. However, if you want to take your career to the next level, getting an online MBA can be an excellent way to sharpen your skills in corporate finance, human capital management, marketing, and strategic planning. Plus, your MBA could help you land career-boosting roles, including positions as a facilities manager, operations director, business administrator, and more.

Plan for College Success

Once you pick your degree program, you want to set yourself up for success. Many students with disabilities have access to a wide range of support services available to them. After being accepted to a college, connect with the disability services office. They’ll be able to help you identify resources and make critical arrangements to increase your odds of college success.

Land an Internship

An internship is an excellent way to gain relevant experience while you’re still studying. Focus on opportunities from highly reputable companies near your school, favoring those that let you build skills pertinent to your future business career. That way, you’ll get on-the-job experience that serves as a head start while also expanding your network and gathering references you can use after graduating.

If you’re wondering where you can find internships, there are three main approaches. First, if you have a particular company in mind, check its careers page. Many businesses list their internships there, allowing you to apply directly.

Second, many job boards do include internships. Just make sure to add the word “internship” when you search or find that option in the available filtering criteria.

Third, some colleges do maintain internship databases. Speak to your career center, advisor, or the disability services office to see if one is available at your school.

Find Your First Job

Once you graduate, it’s time to go for your first job. Use your college’s career services office to learn about positions, as well as get help with job search activities like resume creation and interview prep. Additionally, check out online job boards to find out about opportunities, and if you have specific companies in mind, check their careers pages to see if there are suitable openings.

It’s also wise to tap your network, as they may know about unadvertised positions. Finally, if you aren’t having much luck, try a recruitment agency. Often, they can help you find experience-boosting roles fast, giving you a want to get your career off the ground as you build valuable skills.

Set Up a Comfortable, Stress-Free Place to Work at Home

Finally, make sure you have a space at home to dedicate to your new job, especially if you’re working remotely. Your space should include comfortable, accessible furniture, great lighting, and plenty of storage. Also, make room for a few houseplants, as these can go a long way toward reducing stress, improving your mood, and creating a relaxing atmosphere. When you’re working from home, having a productive workspace is almost essential for success.

When you have a disability, starting a business may seem overwhelming, even impossible. But with the help of a solid strategy, a thorough understanding of business, a positive workspace, and people who want to see you succeed, you’ll be able to lay a foundation for a fruitful venture.

#launchingcareer #careers #internship #college #degrees #highereducation #jobseekers #onlinejobboards #improvingmentalhealth #mentalhealth #improvingyourmood #onlineMBA #streefreejob #stressfreework #workforthedisabled

Memory Water & Eliminating Stress.

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Memory Water & Eliminating Stress

I have recently come across a scientific fact that water holds memory and through the power of sound and vibration can change its molecules. This is particularly interesting seeing we are made up of 60% water. So imagine the effects it would have on us if you took the water that we manipulated.

Eliminating Stress with Water memory has the purported ability of water to retain a memory of substances previously dissolved in it even after an arbitrary number of serial dilutions. It has been claimed to be a mechanism by which homeopathic remedies work, even when they are diluted to the point that no molecule of the original substance remains, but has no scientific proof. In fact in the video below a group of people were actually poisoned by water that after testing did not have anything wrong with it.

Water memory contradicts the current scientific understanding of physical chemistry. In 1988, Jacques Benveniste published a study supporting a water memory effect amid controversy in Nature, accompanied by an editorial by Nature’s editor John Maddox urging readers to “suspend judgment” until the results could be replicated.

In the years after publication, multiple supervised experiments were made by Benveniste’s team, the United States Department of Defense, BBC’s Horizon program, and other researchers.

Stress:

My method of reducing stress other than breathing is hypnosis and my latest find is water memory. I am not a scientific whizz kid I am just someone that suffers from depression and stress and looks at different ways to manage it.

What I have learned is that water reacts to sound and vibration and when you talk to water it memorizes the vibrations from the sounds you make from the words you say. So if you recite positive words and then drink the water you are essentially fuelling the positive vibrations back into your body. It seems to work for me. I feel less anxious when I drink my water.

Konstantin Korotkov, a Russian scientist, who has conducted many experiments involving the energetic emissions of organisms, found that the movement of water helped to structure the molecules. https://medium.com/adhocra/water-has-memory-science-shows-d8d5537566be

However, you should refrain from drinking tap water which has gone through many pipes and chemicals to get to us. So even though these potentially dangerous contaminants are removed, the water still remains, with electrical “imprints” of bad things that were in the water in the beginning.

We should therefore drink pure water from the mountains. I personally drink Evian. I am not affiliated with this company it is just my own personal preference and I am sure any mineral water will do and any brand.

I am not sure if distilled water or boiled and cooled down water would have the same effect but I want quick results rather than to experiment. I certainly do not and will not drink water that has gone through our pipes especially seeing it is full of chlorine and fluoride, no matter how safe they say it is.

It is up to you to do the research. I am just writing what seems to work for me. Obviously, I still have a lot of reading to do but I find that if it was not true people would not be talking about it or studying it.

I prefer to get facts from science and have yet to do the (3 x jar experiment) 1 x love jar, 1 x ignore jar, 1 x hate jar with rice for 30 days. (Videos below of people’s own experiences).

Masaru Emoto was a Japanese businessman, author, and pseudo-scientist who claimed that human consciousness could affect the molecular structure of water. I have added a video below. His 2004 book can be founded on Amazon. The Hidden Messages in Water was a New York Times bestseller.

Considering we are made up of water in fact 60% of the human adult body is water. According to H.H. Mitchell, Journal of Biological Chemistry 158, the brain and heart are composed of 73% water, and the lungs are about 83% water, it makes sense that we need water to survive. The skin contains 64% water, muscles and kidneys are 79%, and even the bones are watery: 31%. So it stands to reason if we drink water and we absorb water through our skin then what we drink has an effect on us. We can survive without food but we cannot survive without water.

Facts About Water:

Water serves a number of essential functions to keep us all going

  • A vital nutrient to the life of every cell, acts first as a building material.
  • It regulates our internal body temperature by sweating and respiration
  • The carbohydrates and proteins that our bodies use as food are metabolized and transported by water in the bloodstream;
  • It assists in flushing waste mainly through urination
  • Acts as a shock absorber for brain, spinal cord, and fetus
  • Forms saliva
  • Lubricates joints
  • Babies and kids have more water (as a percentage) than adults.
  • Women have less water than men (as a percentage).
  • People with more fatty tissue have less water than people with less fatty tissue (as a percentage).

https://www.usgs.gov/special-topics/water-science-school/science/water-you-water-and-human-body

Emoto said that water was a “blueprint for our reality” and that emotional “energies” and “vibrations” could change its physical structure.

His water crystal experiments consisted of exposing water in glasses to various words, pictures, or music, then freezing it and examining the ice crystals’ aesthetic properties with microscopic photography.

He claimed that water exposed to positive speech and thoughts created visually “pleasing” ice crystals, and that negative intentions yielded “ugly” ice formations. Before knocking it at least try and see for yourself.

Emoto held that different water sources produced different ice structures. For example, he held that water from a mountain stream, when frozen, showed structures of beautifully-shaped geometric designs; but that water from polluted sources created distorted, randomly formed ice structures. He held that these changes could be eliminated by exposing water to ultraviolet light or certain electromagnetic waves.

Reducing Stress & Breathing Techniques:

https://hbr.org/2020/09/research-why-breathing-is-so-effective-at-reducing-stress?utm_campaign=hbr&utm_medium=social&utm_source=linkedinnewsletter&tpcc=linkedinnewsletter

Further Reading

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Water_memory

https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/17678810/

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Masaru_Emoto

“Power of Water -Jake Ducey”
“Poisoning By H2O”.
“Water Molecules”.
“Masaru Emoto”.
“The Magical Properties of Water – Water is a Liquid Computer”.

Final Thoughts From The Editor.

I will continue to do my research but placebo effect or not the water that I manipulate seems to help my mental well-being much better than the medication I take. I am not claiming miracles it is my own personal observation that I note seems to work for me.

I will publish my finding on the 3 jar experiment as soon as I am able to do it and it will be an update within this post.

Keep your business moving forward

#memorywater #watermemory #waterexperiment #dremoto #masaruemoto #JacquesBenveniste

Feeling Suicidal

Blood Out Of A Stone!

Feeling Low – Cry For Help!

I need to share this to get it off my chest, yet I prefer to stay anonymous.

I am self-employed and disabled. I have lost a couple of good-paying clients in the last couple of months.

I am getting housing benefits, working tax credits, and pip and have only a few clients that pay me but not enough so that I can live on, the money I get from my business just about covers my outgoings for my business. I was showing a loss last year on my tax return.

My Incoming Per Month:

£590 Housing Benefit

£400 Working Tax Credits

£240 Personal Independence Payment

Total £1230

My Outgoings Per Month:

£655 Rent

£181 Utility Bills

£80 Telephone & Broadband (Without Broadband I cannot work)

£200 Food

£91 Insurance

£165 Debt Repayment/Loans

Total Per Month £1372

This means I am short by £142 per month not to include new credit cards I have taken out a further £100 repayments. Ideally, if I could make another £500 per month I would be in the clear.

I am trying every which way I can to get more business in and with only four clients on my books, I am struggling.

I know what I do works but it is convincing the tyre kickers that is the problem. Believe me there any many tyre kickers and scavengers about, simply trying to get as much information out of you for free and then going cold on you. I once contacted a whole suburb that only had Facebook pages and not one of them came back to me even though my prices are cheap, but not that cheap that people think it is too good to be true. So I know it’s not me but society in general not wanting to spend.

Support.

I need someone to help me. I do not need pep talks I just want to get out of the financial dilemma that I am in. I do not need a friend, I do not need a counselor, I just need more work.

I am fed up with having the same heartache day in and day out.

I am feeling very low right now and fighting my hardest to keep my thoughts at bay.

I have no one that can help me, believe me, I have tried reaching out to my family and they won’t help me. I have asked them to share my business on social media, it is not as if I was asking them for money and it went on deaf ears.

They are just waiting for me to fail, just so that they can say “see I told you so”. Anyone that says they are supporting me or have supported me needs to put their money where their mouth is because otherwise, they are full of 💩. I have not been well for some time now and as the month’s progress so does my depression.

Sympathy – Asking For a Period of Grace.

I emailed the electricity company (EON Next) yesterday 15/04/22 that I would be late paying my £34 (they never had a problem during Covid Lockdown).

It is not that I have defaulted yet at the time this gets published and was told that my account has gone to a debt collection agency. I tried phoning them today but conveniently they only operate Mon-Fri, which is causing me so much anxiety as I now have to wait until Tuesday after the Bank Holiday to contact them.

Even looking at my account I am in debt by – £22.84 so is there any need to be so “God Damn Dramatic” as this person has been to make me feel like 💩?

I hope their fate is worse than mine; so that they can experience depression firsthand like I am feeling.

The person that replied to my email was Anisah Hussain (E.ON Next)

anisah.hussain@eon-next-cabac46b5ea2.intercom-mail.com

I hope this person reaps what they sow and that goes for any corporation or person in charge reading this.

I am feeling extremely anxious right now and I can feel my heart racing really fast. My stomach well let’s just say I am running to the toilet every few mins.

Nobody should be put in the position to make them unwell or even worse than what they were already feeling.

I do not own anything other than my laptop and my phone which I use for work as I was robbed a few years ago and anything of value was stolen, hence there is nothing anyone can take from me.

I feel so low right now and not sure what to do. My GP is totally useless although I am on medication there is little more they can do for me, to top it all I have a very sick child I am caring for and I am worried about her well being, mental and physical state, so pushing my buttons is only making things worse and causing more anxiety and distress.

You cannot get blood out of a stone!

“I am at the lowest I have been for a long time and it only takes one person to push me over the edge”.

I am not crazy and I do not need to be locked up, I am just feeling really low.

I am not feeling suicidal I am just feeling extremely unhappy right now and I do not want to have any worries. I want people to be understanding and not critical of me or superior to me. I want people to support me.

This email I received just shows that people do not care unless it relates directly to them. I just want to be happy for a change and not have to worry about anything. I want to live a happy carefree life.

Update 19/04/22

Considering they, in theory, were closed yesterday I did get an email from the same agent in relation to my reply and I assume the person is a (she) asked when is a convenient time for her to call me. Why does anyone need to speak to me, do they not understand written English…I replied I would be paying on the 9th of May 2022.

However, my gut feeling told me to phone them today and this is how it played out.

Phone Call No 1. I spoke to an agent that put me on hold and we get cut off

Phone Call No 2. I spoke to a different person who spoke to me as if she was talking to a first-grader. She spoke to me as if she owned the company and kept saying I have never paid my payments on time, blatantly scolding me before putting the phone down on me. She said I did not have a payment plan in place. So what are all my £34 per month payments then?

Phone Call No 3. I told the person I would be paying on the 9th of May 2022 and he said he would put it on the system and I would get a confirmation email, which never transpired.

Two things spring to mind:

Harassment:

What’s the effect of or the intention behind the harassment?

The Equality Act says it’s harassment where the behavior is meant to or has the effect of either:

  • violating your dignity (I felt like I was a nobody with no self worth)
  • creating an intimidating, hostile, degrading, humiliating or offensive environment (the agent spoke to me in a way like she was disciplining a child or someone of no importance).

This means it’s harassment even if the person harassing you didn’t mean to offend or intimidate you, as long as the harassment has one of the above effects.

If you go to court, the judge may have to decide if it’s harassment or not. They will look at how the behavior made you feel and whether it’s reasonable for you to feel this way.

https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/law-and-courts/discrimination/what-are-the-different-types-of-discrimination/harassment/

Emotional Distress:

The fact is all I owe is £22.84 and they are making a big deal about it. I was spoken to as if I was something someone had stepped in, which is downright disgraceful.

The Damage Has Been Done!

The problem is because people are working from home they will not necessarily have the calls recorded and they literally can speak to you like sh#t, hence I will never be able to prove that the woman I spoke to on my second call spoke to me like I was a nobody. I hope karma pays her a visit and her husband/partner cheats on her or she has a similar fate to what I am going through.

Who the hell did the woman I spoke to think she was talking to? I am not a piece of sh#t to be spoken to this way…

And you wonder why I hate life? when I have to contend with people like this woman this afternoon and then the man that blatantly lied to me about sending me a confirmation email.

I pay on the 20th of the month at £34 a month or adjust my bill so that I pay once a month to include my arrears, which I can pay on the 20th but at a slightly higher charge. It is not exactly rocket science.

I have purposely published this as evidence and compensation for emotional distress which far outweighs the cost of my electricity bill should it ever go down that route, do not tempt me.

#feelingsuicidal #suicide #suicidalthoughts #depression

Domestic Violence Survivor – The Anonymous Writer.

I have removed the original photo as I am afraid of the repercussions.

Surviving Domestic Violence – The Anonymous Writer.

Disclaimer – Warning – Trigger Warning – Sensitive Material.

My Online Journal: First and foremost I would like to explain I am a writer, I want to stay anonymous for now as I am not ready to share my identity to the world to know. Not many people know the full extent of what my ex did to me and my story is way overdue. I have learned one valuable lesson, not all that glitters is gold, (a handsome attractive man, maybe a devil in disguise). This is about a narcissist that physically and mentally abused me. I do not want to be known as the victim but more so as the survivor. The reason why I am sharing this story is so that people understand what hell I have gone through and how I am recovering and how I learned to go into survival mode. I also want to share how it has affected me and how I am rebuilding my life. Surviving for me was to always try and leave whenever possible even though it was my home I was fleeing from or if I was trapped not to antagonize him. I would not look at him or make eye contact and would be very quiet and subdued. I would try and protect my electronics as much as possible but not always successfully. I believed in his threats and still do, hence I want to move where he can never find me and live my life again with new happier beginnings and before anyone says why don’t I? Well you need to be able to afford to move before you put the plan into action.

My story starts just over 12 years ago. In that decade prior to the 12 years both my parents had died followed then by my brother in a drowning accident.

I remember my brother prior to going to Ecuador to help save the rain forest, his words still echo “that I should find someone to share my life with”.

My parents had died and I was raising my daughter by myself I felt vulnerable and sad. I had divorced and it was not pretty.

Then out of the blue came a stranger into my life, he was from my parent’s neck of the woods and I thought, what have I got to lose if I started dating again?

At first, everything was exciting you could call it the honeymoon period but then tragedy struck and my brother died. I now needed someone to comfort and console me and I felt very alone so this person that I hardly knew became a person that could distract me from the sadness and emptiness I was feeling.

My mental state at the time was not good and I was not focused, I was very vulnerable and scared of being alone.

This friend of a friend was aware I had inherited some money and that over the months that followed he took advantage of this.

Some women will do a lot for their partners in exchange for affection.

This was my naivety and stupidity, I believed he cared. I was not bothered about what job he had or that he did not have a car I just saw another human being, showing some affection. I believed he would never hurt me. I trusted him…

Obviously, it was not long, before I started to tighten my purse strings after one of his family members pointed out that the amount of money I was spending I was in a sense trying to buy love and affection and that is when it hit home and I thought this person could be well and truly right.

As I started to be wiser with my money that was when the trouble started to happen. My abuser was more and more verbal to me he would say the cruelest and nastiest things, he would humiliate me and belittle me and when this was no longer working he decided to become very physically abusive towards me.

He liked punching me in my face and top of my head (soft spot –Anterior Fontanelle. The position of this largest soft spot can be easily seen on a newborn; in adults, the location of the now-fused fontanelle is at the junction of the frontal, coronal, and sagittal sutures of the skull ) to punching and kicking my torso eventually dislocating my knee and he would spit better than any lama.

I believe my cerebellar atrophy is the consequence of his actions due to the head trauma I endured”.

He once snapped my one laptop in two although replaced it, followed by another episode pouring water on another one and consequently putting me out of business for 28 weeks (I lost clients because of him due to a damaged hard drive and dislocation of my knee, where he kicked 7 times before it popped and I was immobile).

He was very intimidating and menacing and as much as I tried to get rid of him and get him out of my life completely he would threaten me that a lot worse would happen to me if I did not go at Christmas to Poland with him, each and every year. He threatened me multiple times and I even have multiple audio recordings of him threatening to kill me.

Don’t get me wrong his family was accomodating, lovely and very loving yet he was the complete opposite, the black sheep.

I do not regret meeting his family even though I did eventually sever my ties with them all after he agreed to leave me alone and pay me back for all the damage he had done, because I wanted no more to do with this demonic person and if that meant not speaking to his family and friends, then that is what I had to do.

I wanted him to know as little about me as possible.

This carried on for years and he made sure my daughter never saw what he did to me.

He was afraid after one particular incident where the Police were called and he was arrested, they wanted me to press charges but like a fool I refused.

My stupidity got the better of me (I thought I could reason with him and get the required help he needed. I believed I could change him and make him better. (You can never change a person that does not want to change) I learned that the hard way.

He started to make a habit of being physical towards me, it was as if he wanted to feel in control over me and that is when I said enough is enough and for him to leave me alone once and for all otherwise I would personally go to the Police, I tried to show I was no longer afraid of him and showed him all the evidence I collated on him. I arranged to meet him in a public place and gave him the document and played one specific audio compilation. I said should anything happen to me I have made copies of all the recordings and they are also in the cloud. He did not seem to comprehend what that meant, he did not understand what the cloud is.

I would end up writing an invoice/document with my evidence and asking him to pay me monthly for all the damages and loss of earnings due to his narcissistic behavior. He agreed to pay me £100 per month which he did until recently as the payments always went out on the 20th.

Then suddenly out of the blue last year, he messaged me that he was returning my car that he point blank refused to give back as he needed it for work.

His excuse finally for returning the car was that his driving license was no longer valid in the UK and he was not going to surrender his Polish License for a UK License, hence no insurance company would insure him.

(Yet today I drop caught an email from his car insurance provider saying the payment for £36 had also failed and they will attempt to retry in 10 days). Lie after lie after lie!

Again had I reported the car stolen when I wanted the car back, he said he needed it for work and he threatened as long he was in the UK he would make sure that if I ever called the Police on him he would come after me (Poles stick together and he knows some unsavory characters). I was afraid of what he may do so I never caused waves.

Not thinking much of it as he was paying me like clockwork, my daughter who agreed to be his translator for the Bank recently started getting notifications on her phone by SMS that his credit limit was bordering on an unarranged credit.

Both my daughter and I laughed and agreed he most probably bought a car and that his excuse to return my car was a complete and utter lie.

I believe he has bought a Nissan Micra as he has been buying parts and copies of his emails occasionally drop into my inbox (I set his inbox up many moons ago and forwarded a copy to my inbox to help with translation). At that time he did not have an email address or know how to use one, let alone set one up. I guess he still has not figured out how to stop any forwarding of emails.

Yesterday both my daughter and I were called by the Bank and although I did pick up the phone, because I heard a dog in the background I was reluctant to talk, which now I wish that I had. I was skeptical it was a legitimate call. The woman said she was phoning all the numbers on file from HSBC bank as they were trying to locate my ex.

Moving forward to today the regular monthly payment stopped out of the blue. I had a notification that the direct debit for the monthly repayment had failed. So I proceeded to phone my ex and his phone was turned off, I had no choice but and unblock him off Facebook to message him by messenger.

I did manage to get through to him but prior to this, I established that he had left his place of work in December and was no longer a tenant at the address I had for him. I spoke with the landlady who said he had told her he had moved to Holland.

He responded by saying if the bank were to contact me again that I should tell them that I do not know where he is, proceeded by love heart emojis (Delusional, he still thinks I will do him favors or that I am his friend).

However, I do not know where he is exactly (he is playing mind games) but I am in two minds to find out because he owes me £35K.

I have published the whole invoice and evidence just to show people what he did to me just in case he has tried to blacken my name.

With Artificial Intelligence Banks can find your location and Karma will pay him a visit or the bailiffs.

His mother once tried to defend him after I found out he had served time in prison, that her innocent child was not the instigator that put someone on a life support machine. I should have listened to the warning signs then.

This should be the end of the chapter for me but I am hesitant as I have always been afraid of him.

I should smear his name so that other women who foolishly may get involved with him think twice and maybe my post can help a woman thinking of getting involved with him not to get hurt, but that would no doubt come with consequences.

I suspect by his Facebook profile he is involved with someone and I do not want to stir the nest.

I pray for this woman that he treats her better than he ever treated me.

If I go to the Police now in the UK and he has fled the country there is little they can do.

I could get my solicitor in Poland to start legal proceedings to recover the money but do I need the hassle because this did not happen on Polish soil and I doubt I will have a leg to stand on?

He in all honesty has not got two pennies to rub together so what hope in hell will I ever have to get my money back unless I get the bailiffs to take his house off him… I know his mother has signed the house over to him (he is an only child).

Warning this PDF has sensitive material which can cause triggers and may be upsetting to some people.

INVOICE-ADDRESS-REDACTED-ANONYMOUS-WRITER

(The images in the PDF are old and my personal appearance has now changed, I have also redacted his name and address). This is just the tip of the iceberg because I have the audio recording and have to relive the nightmare in my head. I do try to block out the things he said and did to me which I did record. But I am still apprehensive knowing he could easily come after me if he wanted. Hence I want to move somewhere where he can never find me.

The Audio Recording Of The Threats.

I am having problems uploading the file, it could be because of security reasons, and because it has sensitive material it may be censored. I do however have about 50 of these recordings and there is one that has three recordings synced into one.

Guilt Trip.

He is claiming he is not in debt (delusional, as he owes me money, the bank, and the car insurance company for starters) and that I am making a mountain out of a molehill, so why did my £100 not go through and why is the Bank and Insurance Company chasing him?

Although I have published this article and in a way, I can now have a clean slate, he is still trying to push my buttons and as long as I do not know where he is I feel unsafe.

Until the Bank stops bombarding both my daughter and me over the debt he has accumulated, I cannot let this rest and if push comes to shove I will Name and Shame him for all the world to see.

I did try phoning the Bank and they told me to go into a branch and explain. I got my daughter to go in as I am very reluctant in venturing outside. I just have an overwhelming fear of being around people, I feel 100% safer in my home not that I can call it home but more so a place to crash.

Disclaimer:

I published his photo, but have since redacted it including his name and address for now, and will show the original document to the Bank to prove what he has done.

Aftermath Of His Narcissism.

I suffer from depression and anxiety, I lose my balance with my cognitive impairment due to my cerebellar atrophy, yet I still try to stay positive”.

The things he did to me:

  1. He sprayed chemicals into my eyes.
  2. He punched my soft spot (fontanelle)at the top of my head several times.
  3. He punched me multiple times in my face.
  4. He scrammed my face with the bristles of a broom claiming he would only be able to touch me with a broom because I was filth.
  5. He raped me (marital rape, I had no choice but to comply otherwise there would be consequences.
  6. He dislocated my knee (kicking it full force until it popped).
  7. He urinated over me and in my mouth (he said if I was to bite he would snap my neck). This has been particularly hard for me to share, because it was humiliating, and degrading. He would laugh as he was doing it, as I was trying not to swallow and the aftertaste was very bitter and rancid as I was spitting it out.
  8. He would spit at and on me (photo evidence in PDF).
  9. He tied a laptop cable around my neck and tried to hang me. (Photo evidence of marks around my neck). It was only because he heard some coming in through the front door that he untied me. I reckon a few minutes more and I would have been dead.
  10. He tried pushing me down the stairs. I grabbed onto the walls and banister to break my fall.
  11. He broke my ribs (photo evidence of bruising around my torso) because he ridiculed me for doing kickboxing and wanted to prove a point that I would not be able to defend myself. I never returned to the lessons and stop learning to drive because I was in so much pain and my driving instructor was getting fed up with me canceling my lessons all the time.
  12. He mentally abused me, saying the evilest things anyone could think of, (that I was ugly, stupid a piece of meat, a whore, etc). He even spoke about my mother even though he had never met her and said the apple does not fall far from the tree and referred to the saying “like a mother-like daughter”.
  13. He stole from me. He stole a gold necklace plus other jewelry.
  14. He damaged my belongings and my home ( photo evidence in PDF)
  15. He threatened to kill me multiple times (I have the audio recordings to prove this). He even threatened to petrol bomb my home.
  16. I refused him entry so he broke in.

“Will I ever get involved with anyone again, I highly doubt it, once bitten twice shy as they say. I am too hurt inside to ever want to share my life with someone again”.

I have really bad trust issues now and would be very wary of ever allowing anyone to play a part in my life. I have built something for myself that I never could have done before as I was not able to because of the narcissistic behavior I endured.

I want to show my daughter I am strong after all I am supposed to be the one that takes care of everything even though I sometimes struggle to take care of myself.

UPDATE 24/02/22

Today I messaged him (I had no choice) , to ask what his plans were to pay me seeing his £100 direct debit agreement had failed. He responded by saying firstly to leave him alone and that I was scamming him and that I should get a job 🤣.

So the money he owes me that he claims I am scamming him yet he paid like clockwork for two years (in my defense why would he pay me a single penny if he claims I was scamming him?) he how claims it was a lie and that he was paying me to pay off my debts🤣😂😆. and conveniently forgot all about the damages he made which I photo evidence in the embedded PDF lol.

He continued to say he will cause problems for me and will state he lived with me which was untrue, he lived in another flat a couple of streets away from me, and then sofa surfed but never lived with me officially, yes I cooked for him until eventually, I stopped. He came over when he pleased and once when I purposely refused to let him in he smashed the stained glass front door window to let himself in. Because I had no proof i.e CCTV that he did it I had to replace the glass which cost me £1,200 and board up the window until the glaziers came. (I even have his landlady’s telephone number). I should have seen him for what he was from the beginning a down and out bum, a liar, and a demonic narcissist.

He is full of lies and deceit and I have taken it upon myself to write off the debt of £35K but I will use this lesson to teach others. He is too much trouble than it is worth. I will make this money back and will learn from this.

I did remind him I had the audio recordings and if he tried to cause problems I would hand the recording over to the police, and in response, he sent me a tulip and pink heart emoji 🌷💗.

I feel sad and at one point my hand was shaking so much I could control my fingers and hardly type a word on my phone.

I am unsure where in the world he is and a part of me is still looking over my shoulder.

I told him to stop messaging me and it has now gone quiet.

He once said he would smash all my windows and petrol bomb my house and today he wished me good health (I suppose I am reading into this too much, but that could be an innuendo that I should watch out).

I really do not want to dredge this up and go through court and get the Police involved I want a peaceful hassle-free life. I want to put the past behind me.

Even if I tried to get my money back he is in no position to pay me back and has no money apart from the house he owns in Poland.

He had the opportunity when he returned the car last year to state his intentions of what he was planning to do and not suddenly stop paying me.

I was in two minds taking this post down, but have re-thought that should I ever have any problems or something happens to me or my daughter I have this post as evidence of my concerns.

Good riddance to bad rubbish, he is someone else’s problem now”.

Recovering From Domestic Abuse.

Recovering is never easy and I take each day as it comes. I do find some days harder than others but somehow I find that if I keep myself occupied and busy I do not have time to think. Writing my journal I am basically having an out-of-body experience and although the memories will never go away in time they will fade.

I do not associate writing this down that it happened to me even though it did, I just see words that are part of the content. I will no let myself dwell on all the evil things he did to me, I have moved on and what happened to me happened to me in the past which is an old chapter.

If I had to chance to do everything all over again I would not have entertained him for one minute and would never have met him. The way I see it now it is one of life’s lessons and all I can do now is share my story and perhaps help someone else.

Whenever he was confrontational I would become submissive I would talk in a softly spoken voice only if I really had to otherwise I would not speak at all. Sometimes this would rattle him that he was not getting the attention from his gaslighting so to protect me, I would respond only to make sure it would not escalate into something worse.

He would always criticize me because I looked after myself and did kickboxing not that it helped me. I would always make an effort with my appearance and lost a lot of weight after my mother and brother had died. I was very conscious of what I ate and was ridiculed constantly. The more effort I made on my appearance the more abuse I had so eventually I stopped caring.

My way of coping now is to only talk to people online, I do not like talking over the phone and have not left my home for nearly three years other than once to meet my brother for the day.

  1. I cannot walk very far because of the pain in my knee.
  2. I have social disconnection issues and much rather prefer my own company.
  3. I am trying to self-heal at my own pace, taking baby steps one day at a time.
  4. I lose my balance a lot (cerebellar atrophy)
  5. I muddle my words up( cognitive impairment -cerebellar atrophy)
  6. My OCD symptoms have gone through the roof and I simply cannot touch anything that someone else has touched without disinfecting it first.
  7. I am afraid of being touched or having human physical contact.
  8. I have really bad trust issues.

Yes, certain things that I see and hear do sometimes trigger me, yet I somehow find the courage to learn from it

Support.

The support I have is laughable.

  1. I once reached out to my own GP, five people I spoke to over that phoned me mentioned the letter I sent in an email attachment, yet my GP never got back to me. I was in a really dark place at the time and did not have the strength to reach out to make a consultation booking to speak about my problems. https://disabledentrepreneur.uk/anxiety-phoning-your-gp/
  2. Prior to that at the beginning of my relationship with my ex I did reach out to someone in my inner circle at my daughter’s 16th birthday party and this person never brought the subject up again.
  3. I also sent an email explaining my circumstances this year to another person who said they would phone me but never did.
  4. My neighbors who heard the commotions rather than intervene and call the police simply reported me to the landlord about the noise.

Reporting to the Police.

Should I have reported this to the police when I had the chance, of course, I should have, but I did not because I made to choice to not have this dragged through court and have media attention.

Furthermore, I did not want to go to a woman’s shelter, they tried doing that at the beginning when he sprayed chemicals in my eyes, but I refused to press charges.

The support worker in the women’s shelter tried to get information out of me and said quote “this is a safe space what you tell me will not go any further, and that she is my friend”, so I replied “in this lifetime and the next we will never be friends because how can I be friends with someone I have just met” and was forced to meet by the police?

(“I thought I could reason with him and make sense of what he had done and maybe change him. That was pure 100% stupidity and naivety on my part as you can not change something that is evil that does not think they have done wrong or does not want to change”).

Like I said he is now someone else’s problem now and he no longer resides in the UK.

I have made sure he does not find me hence I am removing my carbon footprint to remove my physical address. I ideally would want to move to a different location so that even if my address did pop up on the internet it would be my old one.

People do not care unless it is related to them. Some people do not want the drama and would much rather step back than try to help.

This is why I do not want to be around people because caring and being kind are two different things. Being kind is doing something in the spur of the moment, and caring is going above and beyond your call of duty.

People may say they care but in reality, they don’t.

I am done confiding with my inner circle, if anyone needs or wants to know what I have gone through I can now direct them to this page.

I do not want any sympathy or pity or have people feel sorry for me. I do not want to be labeled as damaged goods. In fact, I do not want to be known or remembered as the person that survived a domestic violent relationship, in fact, I do not want the attention at all. If anything I want people that have or are going through similar types of situations to reach out and share their stories and have emergency exit plans.

There is nothing shameful about being a victim or survivor of a domestic violence relationship. There are many domestic cases and some hidden behind closed doors where no one gets to see what is really happening and what’s going on right now.

Statistics.

According to WHO Estimates published indicate that globally about 1 in 3 (30%) of women worldwide have been subjected to either physical and/or sexual intimate partner violence or non-partner sexual violence in their lifetime.

https://www.who.int/news-room/fact-sheets/detail/violence-against-women

On average, two women being murdered each week and 30 men per year; Accounts for 16% of all violent crime (Source: Crime in England and Wales)

https://lwa.org.uk/understanding-abuse/statistics/

Support & Healing.

Personally, I do not need pep talks I do not want anyone to be my friend. I know what I need and what I have to do to get it.

I am not happy where I live now because I am surrounded by so many bad memories. I just like where I live now I hate it. I walk around with blinkers and do not take pride in my home.

My Health.

My mental health is not good but I know one day it will get better.

I have good days and bad days. On the bad days, I just switch off and disconnect from people completely. I try to distract myself by reading, learning, and watching something on the streaming channels or writing.

My tolerance level is zero and I do not have much patience. I know only care about my daughter and my family, not so much myself but I am taking baby steps to change. I watch motivation videos and am learning about neuroplasticity. I also try to hypnotize myself whenever I can.

I suffer from depression: https://disabledentrepreneur.uk/deep-dark-depression/

I need sleeping tablets to sleep otherwise my mind would be left racing throughout the night. I need medication for my knee although the pain is manageable because I do not go anywhere other than around my home.

I can say I enjoy empowering and motivating people and can disconnect from my own personal dilemma and try and help, by giving advice through my own mistakes.

I am a kind and generous person and I will give support and advice where ever it is needed.

I am comfortable enjoying my own company and maybe one day when I am strong enough I may decide to venture out into the big bad world, but as it stands I am taking one day at a time.

I used to go out and once shared office space on the high street and every time I came in I had derogatory comments from the proprietor saying look the “car crash has just walked in”. I ended up leaving.

I feel safer in my own home. I have anxiety issues leaving especially after one Christmas when I really did not want to go abroad but under duress, I had to, only to come back to having my home robbed by another low-life individual. I am afraid of being robbed again with multiple people having keys including workmen as one let himself in not so long again, thinking I was not at home. So I rather stay put and protect my belongings as I trust no one.

Am I apprehensive that someone may read this and let him know I have written about him? of course, although I have taken steps to redact my name and contact details so that my real name is not public information. (Robots do not read images unless you put alt text and tag them).

Gratitude.

I am grateful I am alive and that he did not kill me. I am grateful I have gotten rid of him from my life. I am grateful he is not in the UK any longer. I am grateful that I can start rebuilding my life and start healing.

Recovering.

I can help people men and women with domestic violence issues by simply talking to them I do not have to make friends just give guidance. I am not a professional counselor but I can guide you in the right direction. You can send a message on this site and it will be passed on to me. You do not have to give your true identity either.

DOMESTIC VIOLENCE USEFUL LINKS

If you have been the victim of domestic violence, you should tell the police. If you are in imminent danger try to be calm and have an emergency exit plan. Keep things from escalating and call the police at the first opportunity you have. Use code to notify other people you are in danger.

https://www.nhs.uk/live-well/healthy-body/getting-help-for-domestic-violence/

https://cardiffwomensaid.org.uk/

https://rise-cardiff.cymru/

https://www.un.org/en/coronavirus/what-is-domestic-abuse

https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/adult-health/in-depth/domestic-violence/art-20048397

https://gabbypetitofoundation.org/

#narcissist #mentalabuse #physicalabuse #swindler #conman #conartist #scammer #domesticviolence #greviousbodilyharm #gbh #actualbodilyharm #abh #theanonymouswriter

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