It has been 17 years since my father passed away and 14 years since my mother departed. On top of losing my parents, I lost my brother 11 years ago.
The grieving process has left me bitter and angry inside. Why did half my family die? Why could it not have been someone else’s family instead?
The grieving process is no just about people dying it could be a relationship breakup that can leave devasting effects on a person’s mental state of mind.
I have had my fair share of heartaches but nothing beats the death of a relative or partner. With death you cannot check a social media platform to see what the person is up to, you cannot pick up the phone and have a chat. Death is final, there is no communication beyond the grave. You end up feeling robbed and cheated, you feel empty and life feels pointless. You may even become angry and hostile. People move on from grief by re-adapting their lives and filling the empty void with other routines. People may find meeting new people can help.
For me I do not socialize, I do not want to for several reasons, one is because I am busy with work and do not have the time and secondly my OCD is another significant factor. The way I see it spending a couple of hours socializing I could be using that time more pro-actively. Guaranteed every one you socialize with if you asked them to give you, not lend you £20, I bet none of them would, but they would be happy to squander your precious time. Not everyone thinks like me and my time is the difference between bringing food to the table and making something of my life to which my dearly departed would be proud of me for.
Do I believe in life after death? I have mixed emotions, I think our souls depart and manifest their energy in another form. Do I believe in the paranormal? I believe possibly that our souls can get trapped and cling to things and do not like letting go, hence people see apparitions.
They say time is a healer. Time may ease the grief and it will not get rid of the memories or the feelings of the inner pain you have in your soul.
I was once asked by a government official how long will it take me to stop grieving, to this day I have never forgotten his name, and one day when I am ready for what it is worth I will send him my book and he will never be able to erase the words he said. One day he too will suffer loss and grieve and it will be my turn to ask him what does it feel like when the shoe is on the other foot. If he asked me the same question 14 years later I would still be saying it is as fresh in my mind as it ever was and I am still grieving and have never stopped.
In my opinion, it is good to keep the memory alive of the loss of your loved one by reminiscing about the good old day and setting anniversaries. It is wrong to never mention the person again. I have all departed souls in photos around me and when I am really sad I can look at them and tell them how I am feeling through my inner thoughts.
Time allows you to learn to cope. Everyone’s routine consumes our lives with challenges and problems that we have to solve. Our lives get busier and we do not have time to wallow in our self-pity, therefore what was the only thing that was on your mind of the loss of a loved one is no longer the no1 priority and our thoughts end up on the back burner.
For me, I have learned to cope I have my own unique routine and always keep myself busy so that I do not have time to dwell on what has happened in my life.
If you were to ask me how I feel towards people and life without my loved ones around, I can say hand on heart the only thing that is keeping me going is the goal I am trying to achieve and seeing my daughter graduate and make a good start in her life. Nothing else matters, no person and no materialistic object. I am on a mission to fulfill my legacy and my inner thoughts will be suppressed although one day revealed in my autobiography I plan to write.
I tolerate life and it is my only objectives that are pushing me to succeed.
My family and my work are the only things that drives me.
Grief can lead to Trauma, PTSD, depression, anxiety, and other mental health issues such as OCD. It is nature’s way of coping.
I do not give medical advice and if you are experiencing grief and other symptoms you must seek help from a professional, e.g. first stop your local GP.
I have also updated the Disclaimer Page & added a Networking Page under the heading Legal Pages, this is to let viewers know that the owner of this site uses a SEO Link Wheels to generate traffic and that all the Websites and Blogs are all under one umbrella belonging to Renata M Barnes (UK Website Designers) You will see the credit in the footer of all the websites I own and also manage for other clients.
Moving on I have also started to intergrate video marketing into my services. This is a useful tool to attract business and I am now offering it to my clients. You can view a the portfolio of Videos here.
As for my health it is starting to deteriorate as the pressures and daily stresses of life can sometimes be overwhelming. I am fighting hard for it not to beat me but when my own health professionals are working against me rather than for me it can be too much to bear…….I will explain.
Not only am I disabled I also have a disabled daughter that I am officially a carer for, so when I see red flags I tend to question things as in the case of my GP who threatens you if you make waves. Read the latest on this Surgery that has brought me to breaking point: https://marketingagency.cymrumarketing.com/category/bayer-pharmaceutical/ All I was doing was voicing my concerns as my daughter is classed as a vulnerable person and I was told I lack respect to the highly qualified pharmacist and clinician at the surgery and was told that seeing there is a breakdown of doctor/patient relationship it would be in my best interest to find another surgery.
“I am really struggling with my health and have developed social disconnection disorderand have a fear of venturing out. The less face to face human interaction I have, the happier I feel”. I have been hurt too many times to care to mention and the people I trusted the most betrayed me. In my lifetime I have experienced discrimination, racial attacks, have been abused physically and mentally and have been physically assaulted, disrespected, undermined, critised, judged, belittled, robbed, have felt sadness, dispair and dealt with grief. All these things are contributing factors to my mental disability, which has been caused by other people and entities.There is no denying my mental health is due to a domino effect caused by direct consequences to other peoples actions.
It is because of certain individuals and certain events that I am this way. I am 58 yrs old and have met my fair share of people over the years and I can count on my one hand how many people I can trust. I can also name each and every single person and entity responsible for my ill health and the reasons why.
Some cope by turning to drinking alcohol or taking recreational drugs. People smoke cigarettes claiming it calms their nerves, I do not smoke cigarettes, do not drink alcohol or take recreational drugs but depend on the prescription medication that are prescribed for me. Everyone has different ways with coping with stress, trauma and life events, mine is documenting everything (therapeutic) and adapting around my disabilities aswell as trying to help others.
I also cancelled my Covid-19 Vaccine appointment as I have a severe anaphylaxis allergy to PEG where I was vaccinated with steriod in the past which had polythylene glycol in fact over the years I have had many anaphlaxis allergies including severe breathing difficulties from penicillin and severe skin allergy where my face looked reptilian and I was in excrutiating pain, all of which is on my medical records. https://marketingagency.cymrumarketing.com/2021/03/19/polyethylene-glycol-peg-allergy-as-a-cause-of-anaphylaxis/ I am not prepared to take any risks with my life or become more ill than I already am. At least with my OCD, Depression I can manage my life to a certain degree and can work around my disabilities. But being off work fully is inconceivable and is something I cannot do as I have obligations to my clients.
I have to be online every single day, imagine being too ill to work what would happen to your business if you had no one to help you? Your clients are not going to say “ok call us when you feel better”, the food chain still has to carry on. I have heard the second vaccine is worse the the first but I am waiting on herd immunity to kick in as I do not plan venturing out any time soon.
I would not describe myself as a hypochondriac as all my disabilities are medically documented. I try not to think about illnesses unless it is affecting me directly and at any given time. I try to actually block out my disabilities and try to live a relatively normal life to a certain degree (although there is nothing normal about me). The world on the internet is not going to know about my disabilities unless they bother to do some research about me, so me sitting in front of a computer screen I am as normal as the next person.
I cannot be critised for having no empathy. I will help people in need but will never make it personal. If someone needs me to lend them my ear or a shoulder I will try and help.
To be frank I have coped better than most during the Covid-19 Lockdown. My business has improved as people have turned to the internet for a second income stream. Where I had issues about people bumping into you and not looking where they where going in the past, it is as if the heavens have opened up and had everyone stay 2 metres apart (not that I go out anywhere though).
Wearing disposable latex gloves is no longer questionable and I do not feel the odd one out anymore.
I do miss going out once a month with my daughter when she and I used to go up to the hospital for her to have her monthly blood done and then we would go to a restaurant in the city centre. I won’t say I will never go again as they say “never say never”, but it is going to take me a long time to adjust to the new surroundings and facing people at the moment is really causing me distress. I am fine with the grocery and courier drivers but that is as far as I am willing to interact physically with other people other than my family.
“I do have a goal and that is to make enough money for me to retire comfortably and for my daughter to have a head start in life. My priority is my family and my business and nothing else”.
I won’t let this general practice surgery beat me. I have a long list of people I can complain to.
Coping With Mental Health in General.
Take time out to have some TLC. Do something that will make you happy and relaxed. Try to occupy you mond with something else other than what is worrying you.
If you work for a company see if they have an HR department that deals with mental health. If not suggest that they do have a department and volunteer to be a spokesperson, you will no longer be seen as a follower and more so as a leader. Every business no matter how big or small should have some sort of department to air your worries and anxieties and perhaps meet up once a week to just chat. However if you find that there is no such option and you have had no alternative to tell your employer, he/she has a responsibility under Equalities Act to be obliging and to accommodate you and your condition if it is considered a long term affliction. You may not be the only one that is suffering so considering starting a club even after work can make all the difference.
Stay focused it is easy to just to clock watch until the hour hand hits 5 o’clock but that does not help you or your employer hence you need to set goals and try to make some progress on a daily basis. You should concentrate on the work in hand but at the same time consider starting a second income stream and do research and learn. Reading helps people to stay motivated and empowers them to learn a new skill. This skill could help your employer or can help you to break away and go it alone.
Do not over critisie yourself, if things are not going your way, tomorrow is another day. Accepting the fact that we all experience good days and bad days is just a way of life and we need to learn to overcome obstacles that come our way. For me venting my anxiety, anger and frustration online is therapeutical. I know some one will read it and will relate. I also think that what I write could actually help someone other than myself.
The impact of problems such as depression and anxiety are unique and individual to each and every one of us and how we cope with them and different situations of life is equally as individual. Above I have merely mentioned some advice on dealing with issues of mental health in the workplace, but speaking to your GP and building a network of support are arguably the most important steps you can take in your recovery. For me I personally will not be relating my anxieties any time soon to my GP if I still have one, as it is practice management that you tell the reception first what is wrong with you, what ever happend to GDPR and not sharing the information with anyone other than your doctor. According to an inspection report that I downloaded on another post I made https://marketingagency.cymrumarketing.com/2021/03/30/gp-surgeries-are-small-businesses/ the receptionists have to sign a non disclosure agreement. This is hog wash if they wish to talk about you without actually mentioning you name.
Just because I have a mental health disability does not make me less of a person. My disability does not define me and make me less intelligent, in fact on the contrary my disability is my ‘Super Power’ and although it comes with challenges it gives me strength and purpose to carry on and help motivate and empower others that having a disability is not the end of the world and you can still achieve your aspirationsand all you need is a gentle push.Never let some tell you it cannot be done or it is impossible for you to achieve, listen to your heart and not what others tell you. Do not listen to naysayers.
My Super Power is everytime anyone disrespects me, tries to undermined me or do other atrocities I will write about them. Anyone throwing obstactles in my way, making my life difficult or miserable, I will document. Everytime anyone tries to do anything to hurt me I will hit the keyboard. The same goes if I see anyone being treated unfairly, the perpetrator will feel my Super Power.
Whats your super power? Mine is exercising my journalist skills!
If you want to talk to just drop me a line, I am happy to chat to you online or send emails. Although I do not do face to face meetings I am happy to help anyone who is feeling distressed. Just because I have difficulty interacting physically does not mean I have a problem interacting virtually. Remember a problem shared is a problem halved. If you have a network of people you can rely on then that is fine, but if you don’t there are many organisation out there that can help and I also can lend an ear or shoulder to cry on or send virtual hugs.
I have this methology “if life gives you lemons, make lemonade”. I am not the type of person to whinge and moan, I just make the most of what I have and try to get on with it.
I always keep myself busy and set goals. However my physical and mental disabilities are obstacles that daily I have to get round.
My OCD is by far one of my prominent disabilities and have designed a quarantined cocoon area where only I have access to. This area allows me to be free of any anxieties that I would have in the normal environment. I have adopted this practice to save cleaning my whole home from top to bottom day in and day out. Believe me I used to clean from top to bottom every single day until I realised I was wasting valuable time doing something else.
Keeping myself busy does help to block out intrusive thoughts to a certain degree. I am the worlds worse for critising myself. I try to brain train to reason with myself that what I do is ridiculous and out of character to normal people, but it all is related to stress, anxiety and depression. Depending how stress I am under will depend how well my day will be. If I am super stressed, I find that I cannot concentrate and even do minuscule tasks.
My OCD is germ contamination related and I am even more conscious of my surrounding and the things that I touch. I dislike people visting me and visa versa. I prefer not to go out, hence I am not going out any time soon pandemic regulations or not.
Cerebellar Atrophy (I lose my balance or grip and muddle my words up especially when I write, I also have mental blocks).
OCD (I am aware of germ cross contimination and and am careful what I touch).
Social Disconnection (I prefer my own company and not go out and socialise, although we can’t anyway but you get my drift).
PTSD (I have flashbacks of the physical and mental trauma I endured in the past and certain things trigger my depression).
Clinical Depression (This is related to past physical and mental trauma I endured, in which there are days where I go to a dark place).
Rheumatoid Arthritis (I cannot bend my knee, again from past physical trauma/abuse).
Dysphagia (I sometimes choke of food, I get a painful feeling followed by trouble swallowing and breathing and only when the food is dislodged does the feeling subside, gross I know but what can I do? I have been told I could have surgery but there is no gauarantee that it would work. I am not going to go under the knife for anything, I can tell you that for sure).
Epidural Analgesia (Chronic Back Pain, even bending down to feed the cat makes my back spasm, the same goes if I am standing for excessive length of time I have shooting pains from the small of my back to the nape of my neck. Simple taskes like taking out the rubbish or bringing in the grocery shopping has brought tears to my eyes in the past).
So yes I have good days and bad days but I do not dwell on my ailments and try to live the best way I can. I adapt to around my disabilities. Fortuantely for me I offer digital services so I can do 100% of my work online and do not have to venture out.
Stress and worry are contributing factorsto my OCD, PTSD, Depression and Social Disconnection.
Getting headaches (I have regular headaches)
Having stomach cramps (I have a bad stomach most days, but that can be from drinking energy drinks to keep me awake).
Not being able to sleep (I find my medication helps me sleep but it takes a few hours for me to wind down, hence I watch a film or play a game, I also read books from time to time).
Feeling pains in your chest (I do not get them often but when I do it is scary as I have also experienced jaw ache and shooting pain down my left arm in the past). I have had an ecg scan done and the doctor said there was nothing wrong, yet the same doctor also prescribed antacid ‘Gaviscon’ to my daughter even though she was later diagnosed with MS after I admitted her into A&E.
Having constant worring (If I do not keep myself busy I do worry hence I try to keep my mind occupied all the time). Worrying only makes your health deteriorate and although life struggles can get in the way of your happiness, one needs to find a way to tackle the problem we are faced with, rather than sweep them under the carpet. Confronting your inner demons makes you stronger. Sometimes simply writing down your problems is the first step to dealing with whatever is on your mind. Talking to a friend or family member also helps but for me expessing my emotions in the form of a blog is theraputic in itself.
Having panic attacks (I only get these if I have to meet negative people). People that judge or critise, you know the people I am talking about or if I have a deadline in work or something that I have seen or heard that has triggered the onset of sheer panic. However for most part I am organised and know to how to avoid trigger warnings, so panic attacks are subdued.
Feeling shortness of breath, (I only get this if I cannot swallow due to my Dysphagia or at times when I have in the past been in distress, due to the trauma and abuse I endured).
Having mood swings with friends or family (I avoid socialising so no one knows my moods and no one can be on the tail end if I do have a bad day).
Finding it hard to feel happy (Continuously reassuring myself and staying positive that what I am doing will eventually change my life for the better, is enough to motivate me to get up and tackle every day tasks).
Although I was going to do a daily/weekly journal of my health, I am not able to do so at present as I have many projects I am working on and simply do not have the time, but I always try to strive to stay focused and optimistic that tomorrow will be a better day.
Obviously adopting a healthy lifestyle can help with coping with life struggles, such as:
Learning New Things
Avoiding Negative People
Learning to Trust People
Talking to Family and Friends About Your Troubles
Discussing your Problems with Professionals, Health, Finance, Relationships etc
I am a disabled entrepreneur and I have created a business round my disabilities. The way I saw it when I first started out, I would not fit in or be accepted in a normal working enviroment and I am the most happiest I have ever been for a long time doing what I do and it works for me. So the way I see it is my disabilities are a blessing in disguise, as I would not be where I am today without them.
I avoid negative judgemental people especially if they have power trips (Trolls especially that have nothing better to do than try an bring a person down, these get immediately blocked).
As for me I will help anyone that genuinely needs my help. I am very good at analysing people and situations and I am very astute.
Stay safe, stay focused and stay motivated, nothing stays the same forever unless you let it…
This post is a mixture of two posts rolled into one (no pun intended).
The First Being Logistics.
The Second About Disabilities.
History of Royal Mail was originally established in 1516 as a department of the by the Royal Family. The company’s subsidiary company Royal Mail Group Limited which operates the brands Royal Mail (letters) and Parcelforce Worldwide (parcels).
The company provides mail collection and delivery services throughout the UK and is now a private company after it’s shares where floated on the stock exchange in 2015.
Now my grievance is that such a big company has no online chat and if one wanted to lodge a complaint this is what they say “We are currently experiencing very high call volumes”, this tells me their service is not up to scratch and they have not employed enough people to deal with the demand and are delivering a poor service. The reponse time is between 10 and 35 days.
For people with mental health an immune disorders this is absoulutely inacceptable.
Employ more staff or give up your yearly bonuses and have a cut in salary meaning salaries from the top and that way you will be able to afford to employ more people.
Just because you are a PLC company there have been many before you which have tried and failed in our current climate with businesses going bust left right and centre.
You have to stay ahead of your competion, you need to dig deep into your pockets to survive.
Furthermore their website is not straight forward to navigate and I should know as I build websites.
“There should be no room for error”.
Any decent company should have online chat.
So this is the domino effect of a company simply not doing their jobs properly as I will explain:
Two parcels were sent on the 12/01/21 from the same Royal Mail Post Office, one to ‘Amazon’ and the other to ‘Pretty Little Thing’. The Amazon notification came within 24 hours and refund within 48 hours but for ‘Pretty Little Thing’ the parcel is still in the sorting office even though ‘Royal Mail’ aim to deliver in one working day.
Now considering there is a time frame for when things can be returned and my daughters return date is bordering on the deadline, you would think they would speed things along.
My daughter who suffers with Multiple Scleroris is on the verge of having a relapse because of ‘Royal Mail’.
Multiple Sclerosis can leave a person wheelchair or bed bound, so as her carer I think it is only right to ruffle a few feathers.
To think before Christmas someone refused to use Royal Mail to send a fragile gift and I tried defending the company I now have egg on my face, so has my daugher.
Unless the company can up with a quick plan of action I will not be saying a good word about this company.
As most of you know I suffer with Depression and OCD. I have good days and bad days and this last week has made my illnesses sky rocket.
Had the electricians that did Pat Testing the begining part of the year done their jobs properly and seen that the cooker sockets where inside the hot zone that they should have corrected it.
However because they did not do this, this has created a domino effect when one thing happens after another due to consequences of peoples actions. Now as you know my cooker arrived which I paid for (more fool me) seeing as I have never had a cooker change in the last 24years of living at my rented residence, you would have thought the landlord would be happy. I told him I was buying a cooker months ago but conveniently he has forgotten.
So to add insult to injury it has been a week since the cooker was delivered and it is still not been installed.
I was told my landlord would turn up on Saturday then at near enough Midnight he text me to say he would be coming Monday or Tuesday (No Show) so I text him yesterday and asked if he was coming today this was a hours ago and so far he has ignored me.
You have to also know what type of landlord he is, I reported another fault in March of this year and he only had it fixed in December so you can imagine the pace he goes.
The chain reaction of events has caused me to to go into severe depression and I am in a very dark place at the moment (This is now my landlords fault for making me feel like this as he was the last straw, the straw that broke the camels back to speak).
This is the main factor of my depression at the moment.
But there are additional factors whereby because I am disabled I have a disabled sticker on my wheelie refuse bin, so all the wheelie bins on the street were emptied apart from mine and I checked with the council and there was no reason why my bin was not emptied so my rubbish will pile up for another two weeks in which keeping rubbish in my home is against health and safety and I do not want to attract mice.
I have had problems with mice before and when my neighbour lived down stairs with her cats we had no mice but the moment she left we ended having a mice problems.
I took it upon myself to allow my daughter to have a kitten who is now 1 yr 6 months years old it was supposed to be also good for her Multiple Sclerosis therapy and is an eco friendly mice deterrent.
Now when my landlord came about 6 months ago just before the first lockdown to inspect the property he mentioned nothing about the cat but because I have essentially caused him to loose money because of this cooker installation he has now said he can smell cat urine on the entrance of the flat and up our staircase and that he will need to buy a new carpet.
This is his way to scamming me as he will buy a cheap carpet and charge me through the roof for changing it. He will have to pay me back for the cooker in that case…..touché.
He scammed me once before by changing the dates of when the rent was due by asking for the rent two weeks after I paid my monthly rent and then moved the rent forward by a month essentially got 6 weeks rent in one month.
“Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me fool me three times I will publically shame you”, (although he fooled me once he won’t be fooling me again).
These are very challenging times for me and only I can get through this, but I still can blame people for making me feel the way I do.
To top it all I phoned the retailer yesterday to see where my refund was seeing as I had waited five working days and they said there was a ‘system error’ and I have to wait a further five working days.
If I treated my customers the way Blue Chip Companies treat theirs, I would most certainlynot have any business left.
No consideration for peoples mental health.
Famous People Suffer With Mental Health.
It just shows even famous A-Listers have demons that they fight with in their heads.
I wrote a post why people do not care and now I can prove the point.
For me to be treated by my landlord like a third rate citizen is unforgivable and down right, ignorant and rude with no apology absolutely nothing.
If he was too ill he could have got his assistant to message me, rather than blank me altogether.
Out of courtesy I would have if I were in his shoes been more transparent, just shows the difference in class of people we are.
“My landlord has now caused me to sink into a deep well of depression”.
Because he owns the property he thinks he is better than me.
I on the other hand see it as cheap rent and somewhere to sleep.
I certainly would not call it home.
One day the tables will be turnedand he will wish he treated me differently.
“Show respect and you will earn respect”
Sorry if I have ranted on about myself but I find writing my thoughts is a bit like therapy, I am releasing the tension and the anger and sharing it with you.
I am not bothering to contact my landlord again and will see how long it takes him to show his face.
As a paying tenant I have a right to have a cooker and if I was trying to do him a favour I can essentially insist he re-imburses me including all the takeouts and persished food, not to mention PTSD and compensation for work I could essentially loose because I am too ill to work because of his anticsand his cowboy contractors.
“On a scale of 1 feeling fine and 20 feeling really low I am 20 plus at the moment and am feeling extremely anxoious as to my Landlords next move. I personally do not know how he can face me again seeing he ruined my Christmas and I am subjected to takeout every day at an average cost of £30 per day as I have no other means of cooking”.
I wrote yesterday on my other blog about appliance retailers not mentioning anything about ‘Hot Spots’, hence this is the reason for my post today. I am ‘Extremely Stressed’ to the point I want to curl up into a ball and cry.
My brand new cooker was delivered last Thursday, to to date it has not been installed.
Who can I blame, the retailer, the landlord or the incompetent electricians that did pat testing at the beginning of the year or perhaps all three?
My OCD is so guarded I cannot face another soul at the moment and it does not help that I have to wait on my landlord who does not give you a time just turns up whenever he feels like it, with no consideration for my disability or my business.
I am getting extremely anxious as Christmas is only a few days away and it looks at the moment I will be toasting marshmallows over a candle at this rate rather than tucking into a Christmas Dinner.
I am not joking when I say all I will have for Christmas dinner is Cheese & Biscuits at this rate followed by marshmallows for desert.
My landlord has his own illnesses and has not come round because he is unwell. He texts messages me near enough Midnight most days, which I find very rude. Some people do not know about etiquette. You would think he would phone or text at a decent hour.
I could try to find someone to re-wire the electrics and a gas engineer but we are on Lockdown so this is going to be virtually impossible. I could not make this up if I tried.
I am not going to say anything at the moment but if my Christmas is going to be ruined I will shout from the roof tops the incompetent pat testing electricians and make sure they loose business.
How am I going to even be compensated for this?
I really have had enough of everything right now and if I did have any Christmas Spirit it has diminished.
The pat testing electricians never mentioned or did anything about the plug socket which was in the middle of the hot zone at the beginning part of the year.
My landlord should sue the electricians.
They also installed a smoke alarm in every room yet I live in a flat with one floor (so all I needed was one alarm). They ruined the artex ceiling in the living room and when my landlord asked them the other day Thursday to be exact to come out rather than move the socket they covered it up 🤬😡🤬 They even did not check my chandalier which in my opinion is a hazard along with the dimmer switch. Total cowboys…..
I could give a long list of things wrong in my flat, from the black mold on my walls clothing and furniture to the electrics that were never checked and my landlord was invoiced for.
These incompetent electricians which I will make internet famous all for the wrong reasons, will feel my wrath when the time is right. They have caused me a lot of uneccessary stress, which I certainly could do without.
The domino effect has started for every domino that gets knocked over there will be a consequence.
Will I ever market this company (hell no) and will make sure they know it aswell. It is wrong to write about someone behind their back just like it’s the same as talking about them behind their back, so once Christmas is over I will shoot them an email and will forward my posts.
The uncertainty of not knowing if my landlord will turn up or if my cooker will be installed before Christmas is causing my OCD to sky rocket.
Every person I am dealing with including the Amazon delivery drivers who are so laid back as if they have no care in the world are irratating me. Clearly seeing me on a foot path outside my home with my t-shirt and leggings on and my passport in my hand as I had ordered something of 18 years verification, you would think they would hurry things along. Why does Amazon insist on the drivers to put your passport number onto Amazon system to deliver a bottle of alcohol, I am 57 years of age I clearly look over 18 so what is the need to collect this data? It is the middle of winter not a hot summers day, so for the driver to look at me and take his time is beyond a joke. I also have a business to run I have to be near my computer as I am managing my clients online chat support so I cannot put my status as ‘away’, as that is not what I am paid for and I cannot loose a sale.
So it is amazing to see people’s reactions when I say anything, its is as if I have two heads by the looks I get, what is wrong with people?
I am at war with the world right now and just want to hibernate away from the human race.
Still no sign of my landlord, he is irratating me to high heaven.
Intimidation is intentional behavior performed by someone in which it causes another person (the victim) fear either by physical or psychological injury or harm.
A perpetrator knows what they are doing and will want to gain control of a situation by making their victim feel insecure.
Intimidationcan cause psychological damage which will make the victim question themselves, which may lead to depression or suicide.
Intimidation in the workplace can make your office environment to be a toxic place to work in.
When your boss or coworker is subjecting you to intimidation in the workplace your mental health will be affected and you may even find you have no choice but to quit your job if the constant bullying becomes unbearable.
What does Intimidation in the Workplace Look Like?
Workplace intimidation, which is also called workplace bullying, happens when someone superior to you or a coworker uses psychological threats, blackmail or verbal abuse to manipulate an employee to do things in order to feel superior over that person (the victim).
Intimidation may become apparant from the start by the superior showing they are above you. It does not have to be gradual as you may be told by your co-workers that the boss is on the prowl and that you have to jump through hoops to please him or her.
In some cases it may be made apparant over time, where the perpetrator accesses the victims weakness and plays on their insecurities. This does not have to be in the workplace it could be a friend, neighbour, partner or landlord. Basically anyone that has control over you in some way and feels they are superior to you can potentially intimidate you if you let them.
Intimidation can be:
Physical violence or threats
Ignoring you and your requests
Being Hostile physical posturing
Humiliating, ridiculing or insulting you in front of coworkers or customers
Intentionally dicing you work outside your expertise
Purposely finding faults with your work or assigning errors to you that are not your responsibility
Copying your ideas and taking credit for your work
Sabotaging your work or setting you up to fail
Raising the bar for success or setting up different standards for the targeted employee
Interfering with your ability to work
Highlighting the fact that your are dispensable, that you could loose your job if your work is not up to scratch
Showing superiority so that you feel insecure and putting the victim in their place, reminding the victim why they are where they are and how things could eaily change, playing on the victims insecurities.
Intimidation that can cause your mental health to change, such as spreading lies.
Making the employee feel unwelcome or singled out in social events.
Illegal Workplace Discrimination.
When there is intimidation in workplace it can easily cross the line into illegal workplace discrimination.
This applies to conduct based on:
Sex or gender
If an employer makes employment decisions that hinders your job role and assignments or allows its employees to create a hostile work environment, you may be able to make a discrimiantion claim against the employer. If your employer doesn’t live up to its promises or comply with its anti-harassment policies, you may be able to sue based on a breach of contract claim.
Regarless if intimidation is made in the workplace or in another environment such as a landlord intimidating a tenant for example you do have rights and you can find the relevant help in order that you are no longer intimidated and can live a life without feeling insecure. Nobody should live in fear.
**If you have problems at home with your landlord you should contact your local council office.
Your council should have a tenancy relations officer or a housing team who can help.
The council could:
help you get back into your home
find you somewhere else to live
take your landlord to court for evicting you illegally
Mental Health At Christmas – My Personal Experiences.
For me personally speaking it is not my favourite time of year.
I miss my parents and my bother that passed away and Christmas is not Christmas anymore, I just want Christmas over and done with.
Not just that, I have a few personal problems at home and I get it I know I am not the only one going through things especially with another iminent lockdown on the horizon and businesses struggling to pay their bills.
How can I charge my clients if they are having financial issues? This becomes a catalytic reaction a so called domino effect.
I can underatand that I should be thankful that I have somewhere to sleep and have a roof over my head. However I alway live in fear for lots of different reasons, mainly the constant worry that certain people have an element control over me. I am sad that I cannot free myself no matter how hard I try. I am being told never give up so that is what I am doing, slowly plugging away until I hit the jackpot. It is hard work but I am determined to succeed no matter what. If only I could build my own Rose Island.
“In order to start a new life one needs a lot of money and if one does not have a support network it is difficult to make the change”.
However I am struggling at the moment with my mental health really badly at the moment especially since I had a delivery from ‘Argos’ on Thursday things have just escalated to the point I just want to cry, lock myself away, turn my phone off and not see or speak to anyone until the nightmare is over.
It does not help when ‘Argos’do not put on their website anything about ‘Hot Zones’prior to a consumer buying a cooker.
This has started a domino effect as I have had to get my landlord involved in which I really wanted to avoid doing that.
On top of all that because I have not been able to install my cooker all my food with ‘use by dates’ has perished. I have had to order takeouts for my family and at a cost of £30 per day and have not had a refund for my installation which I paid for upfront.
Who is going to compensate me for all the money I have wasted and am still wasting?
I have phoned Argos Customer Service and they have said I will get a refund and I should wait and trust them, but they said they do not send out confirmation emails. I have even emailed the CEO ‘Simon Roberts’ and messaged him on LinkedIn pointing him to a post I made about his website…..Obviously this has been ignored as I am a nobody to this person and insignificant.
I really cannot face work right now because of a series of events, which I do not want to go into, but today on a scale of 1 to 20 with 1 being happy and 20 being really bad, I can safetly say I have gone off the richter scale and I am 20 plus.
“I cannot deal with the feeling of: Fear, Doubt, Anxiety and Worry and Intrusive Thoughts”.
These feeling I usually can supress but I am concerned as some people can be intimidating and I simply cannot handle that right now. I need reassurance that everything will be ok but there is no one backing my corner.
My problem,I lack a personal support system and have no one to turn to when I am at my lowest.
I am getting intrusive thoughts in my head and I am battling my demons.
I will see if I can sleep ok over the next few nights or not and if my anxiety and fear subsides or get worse, I have sleeping tablets but when I feel my heart pounding, it is hard to relax.
My heart is in my mouth right now pounding away and I am on the verge of crying.
There are consequences to peoples actions.
I wish something would go right for me right now, but everything I touch seems to go belly up and to pot. I am trying so hard for the situation not to defeat me.
Someone said to me recently “A problem halved is a problem solved”, in most case it is good to talk to someone else I totally agree, but if all that person is a lending of an ear and cannot give you advice as they don know how, then from my own personal experiences there is no point to even speak to them. You need someone who is professional, be it a counsellor, a GP or a Consultant. Who ever you turn to they must have some knowledge and are familiar with the problem you are experiencing and should never remind you about what is upsetting you. For me I miss my parents and brother so to be reminded about them not being here especially at Christmas is the wrong thing to do.
One needs to find a mentor or a person that can support you and give you solid helpful advice.You need to find a person that can be your rock.
For me right now,I really wanttosobmyheart outand cannot get to sleep. My mind is racing and I am getting heart palpitations.I feel physically sick.
Starting a business can be stressful, no one said it would be easy. One has to plan ahead and manage finances so that you can live. Nothing happens overnight, there has to be a lot of planning to lift your business to the next level and none if it comes without stress.
Entrepreneurship is often looked up to as a status symbol that the individual has found the courage to be independant and in control of his/her own careers. Entrepreneurs are also admired for their creativity and initiative. Yet their personal struggles are often not acknowledged because people think being an entrepreneur you are an automatic success which sometimes can be further from the truth. Entrepreneurship comes with challenges in which can add unnecessary stress.
Entrepreneurs tend to be seen as high achievers, driven and motivated. However having these fine qualities does come with some disadvantages. Most entrepreneurs are perfectionists and tend to put aside their personal needs over the needs of their business sometimes foregoing personal family outings or general socialising events in the name of making their business a success. Many marriages have fallen apart because of the entrepreneurs protecting their business with the business coming first place and the marriage coming last.
Because being an entrepreneur nothing is guaranteed there is a lot of scope for failure and uncertainties especially if they are not well established and cannot guarantee a steady income. These uncertainties increase proneness to anxiety disorders, depression, substance use/abuse, and eating disorders.
How many entrepreneurs you know are heavy drinkers?
Reasons entrepreneurs get depressed include:
1). History of Anxiety and Depression
2). Lack of Motivation and Inspiration
2). Feeling Unsuccessful and Fear of Failure
3). Problems maintaining control of your business, perhalps lack of funds or problems with staff or late paying customers.
4). Large numbers of investor rejections
5). Stress and long working hours leading to burnout
6). Being sabotaged by partners
7). Problems with Staff or Recruitment
8). Struggles gaining and maintaining traction
9). Problems with Branding
10). Problems with Marketing
11). Financial Difficulties
12). Lack of Support from your martital partner
13) Feeling Lonely
14) Suffering From othe Mental Health Disorders
15). Lack of Sleep
Growing your business does not come without setbacks, such as securing leads, losing clients, customers disputes or not seeing eye to eye with your business partner(s). It could also be increased competition, staffing problems, whilst struggling to pay the wages and having enough money to pay yourself. Psychiatrist and former entrepreneur Michael A. Freeman, who researches mental health and entrepreneurship says that being an entrepreneur can be very traumatic and can lead to mental health issues.
If you already have mental health problems this can increase your anxieties. No one wants to admit to their vulnerabilities, but the more support there is the more we can be open about our struggles. It is no good bottling it all up inside. Business Men and Women have practiced what is called by social psychiatrists ‘impression management’, also known as “fake it till you make it.” We should never pretend to be something we are not, but at the same time you do not want the whole world knowing your problems as this can be damaging to your business. However the more transparent you are and even being an advocate for mental health, people will quickly start to trust you.
There are also organisations that can allow you to stay anomymous. if you are struggling to find somone to talk to you can reach out here to us or contact the following organisations:
Some people want to show the world instantaneously how successful they are before actually being successful so they max out their loans and cards to the hilt and drive flashy cars and wear high end designer clothes just to look the part and fake their image.
Being not true to yourself will eventually catch up with you. Do not pretend to be someone your not, people will soon see when cracks start to appear.
Honesty is the Best Policy.
If you are having finacial difficulties and for example you can not pay bonuses tell your staff and give them a reason why, never leave things to the last minute. If you tell your staff in advance they are more likely to be more understanding. Always be transparent.
You do not have to air your dirty laundry in public but can adapt a monthly or weekly mental health event where people can network and get support. Simply be listening to other peoples problems and relating to similarities can be make people think they are not alone with their struggles.
We need to find a way where we can express our problems without it having a detrimental effect on our business or our health.
Mental Health is still classed as taboo and people find it hard to talk about what they are going through.
No one should feel they are all alone and there is no one that could possibly undersatnd their struggles as did the successful entrepreneurs that came to their demise even though they seemed to be in control, one being ‘Ilya Zhitomirskiy’ founder of Diaspora, a social networking site and the other ‘Jody Sherman’ founder of the e-commerce site Ecomo. The list continues with Fashion Designers ‘Alexander McQueen’, ‘Kate Spade’ and A-List Actors such as ‘Robin Williams’ to name just a few.
Mental Health statistics show according to research done by theNational Institute of Mental Health that an astonishing 49% of entrepreneurs are directly effected and 32 % are indirectly affected by mental health problems compared to just 48% of non entrepreneurs. The statistics are far greater because the pressure of success.
The study showed that 23% of entrepreneurs are affected because some family members may be experiencing mental health issues.
The biggest challenges entrepreneurs have, especially with their mental health is asking for help. Not only so but working all the hours God sends can be very lonely. It is hard to juggle a home life with a entrepreneurial life, often making sacrifices that can cause our personal relationships to crumble.
Furthermore when you see companies securing multi million dollar deals and you are bearly getting by, the feeling can sometimes be deflating. But one has to think that even these companies started out most probaby somewhere just like you and with staying focused and perserverance they have managed to climb the ladder. However even companies that are a success struggle with being No1 and continue to push themselves to perfectionism.
It is all about being honest and addressing the problems you have. By being in denial and sweeping your problems under the carpet won’t make your problems go away. If you are a successful business the pressure to maintain the status can be even far greater than starting out. There are organisation you can reach out to for help.
You do not have to announce to the world you have mental health issues but there is always someone you can talk to. If it is problem solving there is tonnes of information on the internet and companies that do business consulting. You could even have monthly employee mental health days where you get someone to talk about mental health in general. Not only will it be therapy for you it will also help your staff dealing with problems themselves. Your employees will see you are a compassionate leader which will gain you a lot of respect.
Retraining Your Brain.
Outsmarting your way of thinking can set you on the road ot recovery.
Practice the following Steps:
Setup an action plan. Do your research and but your actions into motion. Set up a business plan, speak with people in your industry, speak to your business bank manager who can put you in touch with people. Consider Business Consultants and do networking.
Setup a Support Network. Find people that will support you from friends, family, coaches and mentors. There are business social media platforms that you can exapnd your network and engage with like minded people.
Allocate some quality time (me time). Take time off to reflect and relax so that when you return you are set to go. Even having a day off or even an afternoon off is better than nothing at all. In your free time do nothingat all or doing sometime you love.
Have a dream board. Stick down all the goals you want to acheive and give yourself a deadline. Every day for five minutes before you start work look at your dream board and focus on why you are about to start the day and that you are one day closer to acheiving your dream. You could have a board you stick on your office wall or have one on your desktop home screen or in your diary (I keep one in my diary and it goes evrywhere with me).
Keep a journal. Write down all your dreams and aspirations and take a daily note of your highs and your lows. (For me blogging is my therapy).
Maintain a Good Diet. We are what we eat. Eating unhealthily will cause damage to our bodies. Treat your body like your office. You don’t store junk in your office so do not fill your body with junk food. Take vitamin supplements and trat your body like a temple.
Maintain a Level of Excercise. Even if you find it difficult leaving your home, do some workouts at home. There are pleanty of YouTube videos you can adapt your exercise routine to.
Reward Yourself. At the end of the week or month once you reach your daily or weekly goals give yourself a pat on the back and trat yourself. You don’t need to go overboard but give yourself something that will motivate you to complete another task, as in the suggestions below if your a woman.
Help Others. By helping others you are also helping yourself. If you focus only on yourself you will fall into a spiral of loneliness and depression but if you help others and put your worries aside you ar not longer making yourself the centre spot. Remember there is always someone out there you can help.
Consider Getting Medical Advice. The first port of call is your GP. If your are constantly worrying and are feeling anxious and depressed visit your GP who can prescribe you some antidepressants and something to help you sleep.
“There is a solution to every problem and you are never alone as there is always someone that you can talk to. If you can not face speaking to someone directly over the phone you can send an email or contact form”.
I do not know about you but I have days sometimes where I feel so deflated. I was talking about this with my daughter who said some days she feels she does not want to get out of bed. Or she wants to go to the Bahamas on her own. Not all of us can go to the Bahamas at a drop of a hat and some of us have obligations and commitments, so although the idea sounds appealing I am staying put for the time being.
Today is one of those days, I feel I just want to waste my time watching Amazon Prime Videos all day.
I do not drink alcohol, only on social occasions and this year there is nothing social about it. My OCD will not permit me going to Pubs which are open in Wales. Its unfortunate that our neighbour England is on lockdown again, but it is what it is and has to be done.
This got me thinking as I am very active on LinkedIn and a top recruiting firm in the UK, the CEO announced he was feeling not so motivated. He also said he was living alone which got me thinking how many other people are in the same boat and are contemplating their navals.
Life is full of obstacles and we need to find ways to train our brains that what ever is happening to us is just temporary and we have the power to change the situation.
If you have recently lost your job and are struggling to find work, what you do is create a job and be your own boss.
If your good with writing look for copy writing or data entry jobs. They are self employed positions.
You must promote yourself and your brand, no one will know you exist unless you tell them.
If you have a craft and are creative put your creativity online.
How about setting up your own ecommerce store and start dropshipping. With the current situation we are in, most people shop online.
Start a blog and do affiliate marketing. You need to create your blog first though before being approved for these programs.
What ever is going on with your life start being creative and start writng things down including all the pros and cons.
Start a dream board and focus on your goals.
Meditate and manifest your dream into reality.
My lack of motivation would disappoint my readers because if I did not write a post or two I would be letting people down.
I have gone too far now to give up.
I manage my clients blogs as well as my own so I have plenty of work to keep me busy.
But some days I feel sadbecause everything I do is not happening fast enough my goals seem so distant, but I know if I persevere I will get there in the end.
Motivation is the process that makes us initiates an action, whether it is getting up to go to the kitchen to researching and gaining knowledge online.
Our time is precious and should not be wasted. By learning something new, we are gaining knowlege which is more valuable than money or gold.
Motivation is defined by biological, emotional, social, and cognitive factors that activate our behavior.
Types of Motivation
There are two different types of motivation which are frequently described as being either extrinsic or intrinsic:
Extrinsic motivations are those that arise from outside our control and may involve rewards such as trophies, money, social recognition, or praise.
Intrinsic motivations are motivations that are from someone doing something off their own back like playing a game or completing a crossword puzzle purely for the personal gratification of problem solving.
When you set goals unless you follow them through you will not successed. You need to stay focused and need to be persistant.
Simply having the desire to accomplish something is not always enough. In order to achieve such a goal requires uou to follow it thorugh and not give up, the ability to persist through obstacles and endurance to keep going in spite of difficulties.
There are three major factors to motivation: activation, persistence, and intensity.
Activation involves the decision to start a specific task.
Persistence is the persisting effort towards a goal even though there may be obstacles.
Intensity is the ability to stay focused and concentrate into pursuing a goal.
You need to remember when you set your goals daily that you reward yourself for completing the task. You could do this at the end of the day, week or month. If you do not know how to reward yourself pay yoursef some money or treat yourself to something. By paying yourself and putting it into a seperate bank account you will be suprised how much money you make if your are persistant.
My downfall ten years ago was I did not know how to train my brain and was reckless with money. I was spiralling out of control was not fouced about my life and was living in cloud cuckoo land. I had no goals and felt my life had ended. It is only in the last five years I have done a lot of soul searching and gained a lot of knowledge online and its if the starter gun had been triggered because there is no stopping me now other than my mental health issues. But if I keep myself busy I have less time to think and less time to feel sorry for myself.
As for my financial habits I have now found a way to budget my money for everything and do not spend more that I need to. There ar plenty of money budget tools online but I use a simple word table and make it colourful. You could also do an excel spreadsheet.
So by doing this blog I am not just helping my readers I am also helping myself.
Everyone experience fluctuations in their motivation and willpower.
Sometimes we may feel highly driven and other times we may feel listless or unsure of what they want or how to achieve it.
If you feel low and simply have no energy, there are steps you can take that will keep you moving forward.
Some things you can do include:
Take baby steps, just so one thing as I have done today with this post.
If you have a big project that is too overwhelming, break it up into smaller projects.
Have plenty of exercise and sleep.
Change your diet and eat healthy
Do some networking.
Remind yourself about your achievements in the past and what where your strengths lie.
If there is something worrying you write it down do some reseach how to combat it.
Talk to a friend or family member or on a group or forum, anywhere where someone is willing to listen and give advice.
Take a bit of time out to do something else, knowing you always have your goal to come back to.
Do not procrastinate, you have to believe in yourself even sometimes when no one else does.
Create a Dream Board of all the goals you want to acheive in the next 5 year to 10 years.
Meditate and envisge your goals manifesting.
Pamper yourself or if your a guy groom yourself.
Do little things to make you life better and eventually you will make your confidence grow. Sometimes we have to start with ourselves and do a bit of soul searching and learn to love ourselves before we can find the power to prosper.
A seedling needs to be cared for on a daily basis before it gows into an oak tree!
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