Disability UK Online Health News Journal, Disability Business Directory, All-In-One Disability Business Solutions

Category: Invisible Disabilities (Page 1 of 2)

Stress & Depression are the root cause of OCD.

Up to ½ million people in the UK have work-related stress often resulting in illness. Up to 5 million people in the UK are ‘very’ or ‘extremely’ stressed through work. ‘Stress, depression, and anxiety are the second most commonly reported work-related illnesses. https://www.stressuless.com/stress.html

Stress & Depression are the root cause of OCD.

Depression may be related to the personal stress developed at home or work. Depression may result after the onset of OCD as in the article below but Depression can also be the result of traumatic events in a person’s life such as Grief which causes a Domino Effect.

Depression | OCD-UK (ocduk.org)

The Link Between OCD and Major Depressive Disorder (verywellmind.com)

Renata’s Online Journal Health Update.

I will talk about 5 things relating to me and how they are impacting my life and what I am doing in terms of therapy.

  • Stress
  • Anxiety
  • OCD
  • Intrusive Thoughts
  • Depression

Stress

I am under a tremendous amount of stress for the following reasons:

  1. I have an ongoing dispute with British Gas and it is currently being investigated by the ombudsman.
  2. I have clients dropping like flies because they no longer can afford to pay for their websites due to the price rises of the cost of living.
  3. I am concerned about the stability of a brand new computer that the manufacturer refused to replace or give a refund for. (I am tired of all the arguing I am having to do).
  4. The uncertainty of what the future holds,

I wrote a letter 15 pages long to my GP (Doctor) after I received a letter to make an appointment for my annual medication review, but they could not send me a letter when I wrote to them (9 pages long) in May 2021. I sent both letters via email and both letters were acknowledged and put on the system with a response that a clinician will contact me…I am still waiting for a reply to my letter.

There is a clue in the 4 points I mentioned that can narrow down to the underlying root of how I am feeling, albeit I am also suffering from the aftermath of the domestic violence I endured on top of the daily stresses.

Anxiety

SYMPTOMS OF ANXIETY 

Anxiety may present with any of the following symptoms:

  • Nervousness (I do get nervous when I have to do things I am unfamiliar with relating to work or have to start a dispute to the point I actually feel sick).
  • Being overly and constantly worried (I try to keep myself busy so that I do not have to think too much about my problems).
  • Restlessness (I cannot sit and do nothing, I have to do something, I cannot do idle chitter chatter, I think sitting at a table talking nonsense whilst socializing is a waste of time, I would much rather learn something or turn the wheel to generate business than attend social gatherings -although I cannot at the moment because of my social disconnection issues).
  • Feeling a lump in your throat (If I recall experiencing fear or being in fight or flight mode I have experienced an uncomfortable feeling of finding it hard to swallow).
  • Difficulty concentrating (I have noticed that I cannot concentrate on reading books, it’s as if my mind wanders).
  • Fatigue (I am tired usually when I wake from the interrupted sleeping pattern and a combination of taking my med, so I counteract this by drinking energy drinks that are high in caffeine).
  • Irritability (I am only irritable if things do not go my way).
  • Impatience (I have a short fuse, I do not have patience and I can be rude at times although I usually do apologize I get irritable of people play me to be a fool. people should be careful to insult my intelligence).
  • Muscle tension (Not that I have noticed other than back pain or electricity shooting in the back of my neck but that could be related to Epidural Analgesia).
  • Insomnia (I take medication to send me to sleep otherwise my mind would be racing all night long and I would not be able to sleep).
  • Excessive sweating (Not that I have noticed personally)
  • Shortness of breath (If I have a panic attack, if I am extremely anxious, or if something has really upset me to the point I am becoming a nervous wreck I have been known to have a shortness of breath especially if I have been in a fight or flight mode due to domestic violence).
  • Stomachache (My mother suffered from stomach problems I always thought she was intolerant to certain foods but as I reflect my stomach is normally fine).
  • Diarrhea (Energy drinks do that but the way I relate to this it helps to flush all the toxins out and helps with weight gain).
  • Headache (If I get really stressed my head will thump).
  • Appetite changes (I have not noticed an increase or decrease in appetite but sometimes crave chocolate, but don’t we all).

OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder)

Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) is a mental health disorder that causes distress to the sufferer, it may be a recurrent pattern of unwanted thoughts (obsessions) such as germ contamination that lead to repetitive behaviors (compulsions) such as to disinfect and quarantine. Obsessive thoughts are uncontrollable fears, ideas, sensations, or impulses that trigger extreme distress.

Because I am stressed my OCD is more visible. I may have to change my clothes multiple times in the day if I think I have brushed past something by accident. I am unstable in keeping my balance (cerebellar atrophy).

I go through about 500 pairs of disposable gloves a day and find it hard to touch things with my bare hand without disinfecting them straight after with Dettol. It has to be Dettol as the other brands I cannot get my head around that they will do the same job even though they claim they do, maybe it is my OCD that makes me think this way.

I have a quarantined area where no one can step foot apart from me, not even my daughter can touch anything that I deemed to be sanitized. I am really sad that I cannot give my daughter a hug, I really wish I could but something stops me. I know it is not her it is me and one day I will be in a better place because in the 30 years I have suffered with OCD I have managed to control it to the point it was not so prominent until I had an onset of traumatic events that caused it to come back again with a vengeance.

I am 100% convinced if I did not have stress, did not endure traumatic events, and if I did not have depression because of the stress and I was in a HAPPY PLACE my OCD would be under control. I would not say it would be 100 % cured because depending on my stress levels it would never be totally eradicated. Some people can deal with stress better than others. Some people, smoke cigarettes, drink alcohol and take recreational or prescribed drugs. I only take prescribed drugs for my OCD and they do not work other than sending me to sleep.

I am always on the lookout for different ways I can control my OCD but I have only found hypnosis and meditation to help with the healing process. I am studying neuroplasticity and how to rewire our brains.

In order for hypnosis to work, it has to be done consistently, you will not be cured in a day, week, or month. This has to be a daily occurrence until you start noticing a change. I have completed my diploma for hypnosis and yes I did hypnotize myself successfully but I need to do it every day and with work commitments and everything else that is going on in my life I am too tired and end up falling asleep. You should do hypnosis just before you do to sleep or when you wake up. Other times you can do it during the day without distractions and religiously around the same time of the day.

Although I can do hypnotherapy I do not practice it and have never tried to do it on anyone else.

Renata Hypnotherapy Diploma
Certificate of Completion.

https://disabledentrepreneur.uk/category/obsessive-compulsive-disorder/

Intrusive Thoughts

I live in rented accommodation and have lived in the same property for 24 years. Although I have had money in the past to buy a property I was never focused and did not understand the consequences of my actions in planning for the future. I lived in the moment and never planned my life ahead.

My intrusive thoughts are:

  1. Will my abuser return to the UK to pay me a visit? (That is part of the reason why I have not left my home because I am scared he may be lurking around.
  2. Will I crash and burn and lose everything? ( I got robbed a few years ago and all my valuables were stolen. I have replaced the majority of things and do not want to lose them again.
  3. Will my daughter’s health deteriorate (she suffers from multiple sclerosis)?
  4. Will my health ever improve?
  5. Will I ever be happy and in a happy place?
  6. Thoughts that cause triggers like the death of Queen II, and although the news is sad and I know a family is grieving, it has however revived memories of my parents and my brother passing which has made me have thoughts such as if our loved ones are watching over us are they disappointed in me or are they happy that I am doing everything I can to turn my life around?

Depression

Symptoms of Depression are:

  • Continuous feelings of low mood and/or sadness (I try to keep myself busy so that I do not have time to dwell too much on all the things that have gone wrong in my life).
  • Feeling hopeless and helpless (Yes I do feel hopeless at times but I always try to find the energy to fight until I reach my goals -yes I have set goals, you have to, you need to have a plan).
  • Having low self-esteem (When I wake it is like one of those movies where the person dies and comes back again and nothing has changed, well it is like that for me, I eat, sleep and repeat and nothing changes).
  • Feeling tearful constantly (I cannot say I am tearful it takes a lot to push my buttons although British Gas (Energy Supplier) did drive me to tears, so I reported them).
  • Feelings of guilt (I feel guilty for squandering my money. Had I been focused and taught how to manage my money I would be in a different place now, but you learn the hard way I have many regrets and if I could turn back time with what I know I would have done things differently knowing what I know now. I feel guilty for being stupid with my finances and the people that I trusted). I also feel guilty for distancing myself and perhaps not contacting people sooner that have now passed away (old people).
  • Feeling irritable (I only get irritable if things do not go my way or if I have to deal with stupid people)
  • Having no motivation or interest in hobbies and interests (I have plenty of things to keep me occupied, the websites that I own and manage for my clients keep me busy, never mind my content writing. I am motivated because I have gotten this far so I am not going to give up even though when I wake it takes me a minute or two to tell myself that today may be the day that things change for the better, so I carry on).
  • Being indecisive (I sometimes procrastinate over things such as whether should I start a certain project or not, or if can it wait and I end up putting it off again and again).
  • No real enjoyment in life (I live on the internet my physical self is just a vessel that keeps me going. I do not think of my life in the physical sense I have socially disconnected from the outside world other than for the couriers and workmen that come to the property and I am happy this way. Would I do things differently if I did not have OCD or feared ever crossing paths with the people that caused me harm, I don’t think so. I am happy in my own company)
  • Feeling anxious and/or worried (My mother was a worrier and I must take after her, she also had undiagnosed OCD. Yes my intrusive thoughts do sometimes get in the way, hence I keep myself busy so that I do not have time to think).
  • Thoughts of harming yourself or suicidal feelings (This is furthest from my mind. I was at my lowest and for a millisecond it did cross my mind when I endured all the physical and mental abuse from my abuser but I told myself if I quit he would win so I turned my thoughts around to show him that everything he said was wrong and that I would be successful and he would live to regret treating me the way he did).
  • Loss of appetite – although sometimes can see an increase in appetite (I see food as energy when I am hungry I will eat, I do not watch my calories and try to eat healthy most of the time, I have no problem with my appetite, in fact, I should really lose a bit of weight considering I do not exercise because (a) I do not venture out (b) My knee pain would be too excruciating to walk very far).
  • A general lack of energy (Because of my medication, I feel so tired when I wake so I counteract that by drinking energy drinks that are high in caffeine which causes a domino effect and causes me to have an overactive bladder)
  • Low sex drive.
  • Trouble sleeping (I do have trouble sleeping but that is alleviated with the prescribed medication, however with the interruptions to my sleep because of my overactive bladder I find when I wake I am very tired so have to drink energy drinks to keep me awake).
  • Avoiding social interaction (I have social disconnection issues and I prefer my own company)
  • Difficulty maintaining family relationships (I do not have any close relatives living in the UK other than my daughter and we have a close bond, my brother and all his children live in the USA, I guess it must be very hard for their mother who lives in the UK).

Further Reading:

My Dreams, Aspirations & Goals

My dreams, aspirations, and goals are one day to be in a happy place living a happy life, be financially free and most of all not suffering from OCD, Stress, Anxiety, or Depression. I want to one day when I retire travel the world and photograph everything I see. I want to one day be able to document my journey and leave a legacy.

I want to motivate and inspire people so that they can be led on the right path.

I will continue to do what I am doing because I sense where I am supposed to be, is the right place to be. By continuing writing and researching I not only help myself I also help others. This online journal is my therapy because it gives me a platform to voice my knowledge, thought and opinions.

My dreams are to reach my goals.

#stress #anxiety #intrusivethoughts #ocd #obsessivecompulsivedisorder #depression

Renata’s Online Health Journal Update 2022!

Renata’s Online Health Journal Update 2022!

People who shy away from people with mental health disorders or disabilities and label people as damaged goods usually have their own demons to contend with”.

I need to vent and let off steam before I blow a gasket.

The last few months have taken a toll on my health. As most of you know I am the Editor of ‘Disability UK – Disabled Entrepreneur Online Journal’ and have come to near enough a standstill with my business because of my health.

My Disabilities are Invisible.

I sometimes am so depressed it takes a lot of effort to do anything, these days.

Renata’s Online Journal Health Report

The following is a snippet of what I am going through.

I am disabled, I suffer from Cerebellar Atrophy, OCD, and Depression so it is no surprise that I have highs and lows. Yet most recently I have been experiencing very bad lows.

I do not have a support system and my GP is as useful as a chocolate fire guard. https://disabledentrepreneur.uk/gp-doctor-negligence-evidence/ To understand my health you will have to understand how the last few months have been for me and what I have gone through and am still going through.

Events 2022.

  1. I have been through war and back with ‘British Gas’, which I have reported to ‘Ombudsman’ who in turn report to ‘OFGEM’. ‘British Gas’ caused me humiliation, intimidation, harassment, and emotional distress.
  2. In another incident I had 40 emails from a credit card issuer (situation now under control), again I have experienced, humiliation, intimidation, harassment, and emotional distress. (They gave me £100 as a gesture of goodwill, with the understanding that if I endure more harassment I will report them to the Ombudsman). I know what they will say but she accepted the £100, which is just a band-aid on a gaping wound.
  3. Most recently my laptop started having a blue screen and eventually died, I have not been able to do anything online for about a week. I have simply used my phone to read and reply to emails and do research. This started making me sink into a very dark place.
  4. I then had a brand new computer and not even a week old I ended up with a BSOD, you just can’t make this stuff up. https://marketingagency.cymrumarketing.com/2022/08/24/lenovo-or-windows-fault-blue-screen-of-death-bsod-2022/
  5. My internet is intermittent, and I am getting the blame game excuse (it’s not us it must be you), this is an ongoing issue in which they gave 3 months of free broadband, but the issues are starting to happen again. Virgin Media Outage in Cardiff, Wales: Current Problems and Outages • Is The Service Down? UK
  6. I have lost clients due to the rise in the cost of living and them not being able to afford their websites. (No help for small businesses I hear your cry, and yes the rich get richer and the poor get poorer).

My health.

  • I am very depressed.
  • My OCD has spiraled off the ricker scale.
  • I have intrusive thoughts.
  • I have no patience.
  • I have panic attacks.
  • I hate noise, anything from traffic to car doors opening and closing.
  • The only way I will interact is online.
  • I do not answer my phone, which no doubt has cost me a lot of business.

So there is a knock-on domino effect when people are so robotic and irritating to the point if I could shove my fist down the other end of the line or across the computer screen, I would.

I am not in a good place right now because I am struggling to stay positive and optimistic. I have been studying neuroplasticity and I should stick with it because something I thought about, the next day materialized. Therefore I need to heal and start caring about myself rather than neglecting myself.

I plan to write a book about my life, this will no doubt open a can of worms, not only for me having to recall things that I would rather not remember but for the people that have done me wrong. My book will mention all the highs and lows and perhaps it may help people to avoid the same mistakes I made, in my relationships, and in my career, not only how everything over the years has affected my health and how I am trying to heal.

“I want to make a difference in this world and help people like me or worse off than me”.

I may not physically want to interact but a virtual connection I am fine with, although I won’t be doing anything for a few weeks because I need to recover from all the trauma I have had to endure over the last few months.

This all goes towards documenting my health so that it all gets put on the NHS database. There is a reason behind my madness.

It saddens me that the people I have reached out to on a personal level, who said they were going to get back in touch never have. I assume that they have reached their own conclusions and do not want to interact with someone that has disabilities. I suppose they see me as damaged goods, but labeling someone in such a way is not only hurtful but incorrect because we all have something going on in our lives thus we can all be labeled the same way. In fact, it will be hard to find a person that has not been screwed over in some way or another and how it affected them mentally. Usually, people who shy away from people with mental health disorders have their own demons to contend with and cannot handle yours. I do not see myself as damaged I see myself as someone who can overcome obstacles and then write about them. Just because I am having a bad day today does not mean I will be having a bad day tomorrow. No two days are the same. Yes, I have disabilities but there are millions of people in the same boat as me or worse off. You need to find the strength to make your story your superpower. Everyone has a book waiting to be written. There’s No Such Thing As Being “Damaged Goods” In A Relationship—Here’s Why (bolde.com)

I am like a bear with a sore head at the moment, as a consequence, I avoid talking over the phone as much as possible. When I do have to call people, as an example the other day, I nearly bit an IT engineer’s head off when I was having trouble accessing my site. I did apologize afterward about my outburst but I have a very short fuse and my temperament is not great, I can come off at times as being rude, (I try not to be, but cannot help it if people push my buttons). However, I also get very obnoxious, patronizing, and condescending individuals and all I want to do is punch their faces. I am no good at interacting physically, which is fortunate.

I have reported ‘British Gas’ to the Ombudsman and have to wait on an outcome. I feel very lethargic and am finding it hard to be optimistic right now. I should stay positive but is hard when I have to deal with some things that cause my health to worsen. It is as if I make one step forward and two steps back.

My OCD has gone through the roof and where I was making progress the last few months have basically thrown all my hard work away. Having a mental health disorder like depression which causes an onset of intrusive thoughts causing you to have compulsions to ease the anxiety. it is a vicious circle. and that is why I do not interact physically.

#onlinediary #onlinejournal #scripting #journalling #blogging #pip #depression #stress #anxiety #ocd #mental health #obsessivecompulsivedisorder

Renata’s Online Journal 11/05/22

Keep your business moving forward

Renata’s Online Journal.

My Online Journal is my safe space where I can share my stories and vent. I do not always write negatively but of late I have noticed blue-chip corporations treating people badly so not only is this my online therapy it also is a voice for people who cannot or do not know how to stand up for themselves.

Dear Diary,

I have not made an entry here for a while and yesterday was the ideal time to do some journaling and spill the beans.

The morning started out with me phoning all my insurance providers as I had deleted some direct debits in error. I suffer from cognitive impairment caused by cerebellum atrophy and sometimes muddle my words up. The words can be very overwhelming for me at times. Being stressed does not help and where I should have canceled one insurance policy, I actually canceled three. As it turns out the other two direct debits were obsolete, but still having to phone all nine companies was challenging.

The other problem I have is dreading talking over the phone so when I tried to rectify the problem via email I was point-blank declined and was told to call. The calling is not so bad but it listening to the prompts Press #1 for what you had for breakfast Press #2 what you had for lunch and #Press #3 just to annoy you more (just kidding) although I have been subjected to up to 4 minutes of this from various companies before the annoying music starts playing. God forbid if your call drops and you have to start all the BS all over again.

Insurers do not make it easy, so although you may take out insurance by a said insurer the underwriters a separate company collect payment. So there could be the same underwriter for multiple insurers which can make it difficult when trying to find out who is who. I have done a spreadsheet so that I do not get caught out again, but by the 9th insurer I had enough, yet my day was only starting.

I then got an email from British Gas that they needed me to phone them to set up a direct debit. I have anxiety about talking over the phone to people. The term used is Telephobia, but I bit the bullet and phoned them. I got to speak to someone who at first came across as slightly condescending when she thought I was unemployed with mental disabilities, (people confuse mental disabilities with stupidity on the contrary Albert Einstien, Nikola Tesla, and Charles Darwin to name a few all had mental disabilities (OCD – Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) ) so it was a shock to her when I mentioned this site. She then changed her tune and was more understanding and helpful going as far as giving me some links and recommending that I contact some of the links she had provided.

What rattled me was, that I was paying £65 at the beginning of the year then it went up to £90, and yesterday she wanted £138 per month. I was told I use more gas than the average household. The way I see it regardless if I did not use any gas at all, I still would have to pay for the service. I am not going to reduce the quality of my life and sit at home freezing cold. or only cook once a week. If a person is struggling to pay £90 then how the hell are they supposed to find the money to pay £138?

A little bit of maths and common sense would not go a miss.

“What are people supposed to do, do they have to rob banks or starve”?

Our PM is allegedly dragging his heels at helping the UK with the rise in the cost of living yet he is quick to give support to Sweden and Finland. Yet coming from a privedged upbringing he has never had any worries about where his next paycheck is going to come from or about putting food on the table. Living in a home that was decorated from private donations and wallpaper at £840 per roll he will never understand how the other half lives. His wallpaper is ugly just saying and I would not pay £1 per roll let alone £840.

https://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/politics/boris-johnson-wallpaper-flat-refurb-b1850209.html

Someone on LinkedIn commented “that charity starts a home”, but what she failed to comprehend was the support in the event of a military attack on these countries will be money in BJs / Chancellor of the Exchequers Pockets so to speak. W#ar is big business at the expense of the people. How do you accumulate wealth if you do not lend money or charge interest on the money you lend out? This is how the money system works. If you lone out jets, sell ballistic and nuclear missiles you have to get paid and its one big game of the winner takes it all.

I do not support the funding of the lavish lifestyles of the 1% that think they own us and rob us blind. I never agreed to slaving away, did you?

No one owns me. I have a voice and I am not afraid to use it!

I am a spiritual being in a physical body and we are here for a reason and it is to teach others, empower and motivate and not steal, abuse, or kill, we are supposed to be intelligent human beings, not animals.

We should be able to distinguish right from wrong and if the likes of P#tin who orders the mass killings then he is no better than something that has just crawled out of a sewer. These people are vermin.

In fact, any person in power that has done wrong should be punished the same way as a member of public and should also be kicked out of office, I refer to certain politicians, that got a slap on the wrist and fines, for their publicised antics.

There is a Scottish MP trending at the moment that allegedly had £25 Million in Funding For PPE that supposedly ended up being used due to it not being of high quality and was returned. This MP is now being investigated.

Just imagine if this was the average entrepreneur that had done this, they would be facing a custodial sentence for fraud, but I guess if you own 6 houses (one in Belgravia in London) you have enough money to pay for a jail-free card on the monopoly board.

I spoke about a previous post about why people do not care and the customer representative said that people do care and that she cared (no they don’t unless it directly affects them). She then asked could she help me with anything else and I said “help me bring in more clients”, the call then ended without any feedback on my remark…I rest my case!

Reference the money she expected me to agree to I said I will pay, but will not be able to eat and the CEO of British Gas will certainly not have a problem bringing food to the table whilst I will and this is where she started to be sympathetic.

Frustration

I got my frustration out, if nothing else, and told her she was professional and had a calming voice, I just did not mention the fact she made me feel bad at the beginning of the conversation as what would have been the point. I felt had I not mentioned I am self-employed the conversation would have been slightly different.

If you have watched the video “The Hidden Secrets Of Money” By Mike Maloney”, you will start to realize this is one big game of monopoly with the Blue Chip Companies at the top of the food chain STEALING our prosperity.

“The is a Great Reset Looming on the Horizon”.

Do you think it is by chance this P#tin W#ar has broken out or is it something to do with the deficit spending and all the price rises? Have you forgotten about Brexit and how much money UK is in debt by and how much money they have to pay back, never mind the trade w#ar in China and the USA. Putting the jigsaw pieces together can you not see a picture emerging?

These blue-chip companies get a 6% commission for our sweat, labor, and hardship. Do you think that the dictator started the w#ar himself or was it pre-arranged at the round table, by a selected few?

People at the top of the food chain seem to think they own and control you and in a way they do.

An example of a battery in the matrix was Virgin Media which I have for months had an ongoing dispute again I have communicated by email and have told them not to phone me and what do they do? they only phone even though I specifically requested not to. What was interesting though my phone was on “do not disturb” but they managed to get through and the phone rang. I re-iterated how much emotional distress they put me through and I am still no closer to a resolution as the email I was promised I would have, never materialized.

So you can imagine the poor sod on the other end of the line receiving my wrath and me saying “if you read my email do you not understand English”, his reply was he was ordered by someone above him to phone me and my final reply was that he obviously did not have the balls to stand up to the person. Most people are afraid of speaking up in the workplace for the fear of being fired. People go to work like sheep to get their paychecks the majority do not go to work because they love the company that employs them they are solely there to do a job and get paid. They are human robots being told what to do. Their “VOICE” in the metaphorical sense of the word is taken away, they are slaves to the employer for the hours they work.

Anxiety & Panic Attack.

The day continued with my brother telling me that he is coming over to the UK at Christmas. Under normal circumstances, I should be ecstatic but I am having a panic attack simply thinking about it.

I have not left my home for three years due to social disconnection and OCD, actually, tell a lie I went out once to meet him last year for the day and I felt so ill after that but he was oblivious to my disability. He told me that I have to arrange my schedule and my work around him. He told me we will be talking this weekend coming.

Notice how my disability and my work are of no significance to him and I have to just get over myself.

The icing on the cake was the final straw that broke the camel’s back so to speak with my neighbor announcing she is moving within the month. she without a doubt had to be the nicest neighbor I have ever had, she was always kind, and caring and never did me wrong. I will miss her.

I do believe nothing standstills and when one door closes another one opens so although I felt very depressed yesterday with low self-esteem. That was yesterday though and your mood can change if you stay occupied and not dwell on what is bothering you. I am hopeful about tomorrow and about brighter things to come. I am fortunate I have an online journal to vent my anger which I can share with whoever wants to read my challenges. I did come across a website called (www.storiboard.co.uk) not mine may I add but a portal to share your stories.

Telling Your Story.

Anyone reading this who wants a platform to share their stories is more than welcome to subscribe here and I will make you a contributor or will manually upload your stories for you. It won’t cost you a penny only your time, it is completely free.

Domestic Violence.

I have gone through a lot over the last two decades (I won’t go into it all here but I am a ‘survivor of domestic violence‘ and and this is what drives me to tell my story) I won’t say I am strong all the time. I have good days and bad days and yesterday was a bad day for me but I know I will get over it. I am still standing and I won’t let anyone break me, sure they can try but when they knock me down and I get back up again so help me God.

I will be writing my biography soon and I will be calling out all the people that have done me wrong. Don’t misunderstand me, I am not awkward or vengeful, I just think some people deserve their five minutes of fame.

Superiority.

No one on this planet is better than you, we all do the same things, we eat, sleep and go to the bathroom, and we all cannot survive without water or air. We all have red blood and if Adam and Eve were the first people, then their children would have been inbred so we are all brothers and sisters. The world is an evil place with evil people living in it trying to suck the last ounce of happiness out of you. They should be very worried about what happens to them after they die. Just because some use 24kt Gold WCs does not make them any better than you. We all have the right to live on this planet in harmony and without having to worry about where the next paycheck is going to come from and if we can put food on the table. No one should fear for their lives or be killed for some political agenda. No one should lose their life for the sake of debt ceilings and deficit spending.

“The Hidden Secrets of Money” By Mile Maloney.

Invisible Disability.

I have an invisible disability and I expect to be acknowledged as a human being and not be judged, I expect people to give me the respect I deserve. I do not need anyone giving me advice, or being patronizing, after all when it comes to mental health I specialize in the subject hence why I built this site.

Never assume anything with me without asking me first.

I know if my finances improved so would my mental health. My cerebellum atrophy is incurable but with new drugs coming on the market anything is possible. I am staying positive and hopefully, someone reading this will invest in me.

One day soon you will learn what one particular “evil animal” did to me and how I am recovering.

I have audio recordings of all the death threats he made to me.

He is no longer residing in the UK, he left last December for Germany however within a month of him starting work he was fired due to an altercation with a woman at his place of work, why does that not surprise me.

Unfortunately, because he does not speak fluent English he was unable to set up an email address so I did it for him and forwarded all his emails to me for translation purposes with his consent, however, I have no access to his settings anymore, and cannot un-forward myself hence I get his emails and all the antics he is getting up to.

I use outlook and have blocked his email but people sending emails to him still come into my inbox. I have started marking them as spam as I have no other way of stopping any communication.

Remember not all that glitters is gold and that was my mistake and I have learned the hard way.

One day I will rise from the ashes and tell my full story.

Staying Positive.

Tomorrow is another day and I aim for a brighter future!

If you found this article insightful, please take a moment to share, comment, and subscribe. Also before you go, please also consider donating the equivalent of a cup of coffee to help keep this “Disability UK” Online Journal going.

#anxiety #stress #depression #lowselfesteem #mentalhealth #mentalhealthdisabilities #Centrica #JanaSiber

Blue Butterfly
Keep your business moving forward

Natalya Platonova – Serving British Soldier, Talks About Mental Health & Fundraising.

Natalya Platonova – Serving British Soldier, Talks About Mental Health & Fundraising.

Natalya Platonva – Honors & awards – The Commander Field Army Commendation Jan 2020 for outstanding service to the British Army.

On Sunday 8th May 2022 I will be embarking on a 185km trek from Oxford to Buckingham Palace along the Thames path. I will be cuffed to a 3kg medicine ball the whole way. Why? Because this medicine ball signifies the silent weight, torment, and suffering of mental illness that so many of us carry on our own. I will walk on behalf of everyone who is struggling and cannot find their voice to talk through distressing emotions.

This Christmas I too did not have a voice, I too felt like I could not speak and I came to the conclusion that the best way forward for me was to end my life. What brought me back from that dark period was finding the confidence to talk and confide in loved ones about how I was feeling. It is incredibly difficult to let go of that burden without feeling like you will pass it on to someone else. So we lock it away and suffer in silence. There is still a massive stigma in regards to mental wellness. I want to help break that stigma with every mile I cover. I won’t be approached by strangers whilst I walk and for that curiosity to turn into honest conversations. Remember, someone’s smile could be masking something else beneath the surface.

If this resonates with you, please donate, support, and share this far and wide. Thank you 🙏🏼

ABF The Soldiers’ Charity

Combat Stress

https://events.soldierscharity.org/fundraisers/natalyaplatonova/medicine-ball-challenge


British Army

#mentalhealth #charity #medicineballchallenge #army #military

Christmas Mental Health 2021 – Part II

Finally, Christmas is nearly over, thank God for that…

I am fed up with seeing how happy people are flaunting their Christmas gatherings to the world that may make other people who find Christmas difficult this time of year, very daunting.

Don’t get me wrong, I am happy for everyone who can enjoy Christmas but to flaunt it around people who are not so fortunate to spend Christmas with their loved ones is sinful and conceited.

The same goes with people showing off how much money they have or being judgemental because they have a house but in reality, it is mortgaged up to the hilt. Nine times out of ten people wearing designer clothes are not as rich as they make out.

I for one own multiple digital real estate but for the ordinary person this may not be something they understand. Not everyone knows the value of domain names and the equity that may hold.

Regardless of whether it is a bricks-and-mortar property or a digital asset, it is still deemed to have value and people need to educate themselves before casting judgment.

As for Christmas, I am fed up with people asking me what I did and who I spent it with. I did “Jack Diddly Squat” for Christmas because I do not celebrate it anymore, what is there to celebrate when both my parents and my brother are no longer alive?

Christmas Day is just another day. For me, I stayed home alone over Christmas as my daughter stayed over with her boyfriend’s family but that was fine with me because I took advantage of the time to relax.

I must admit my Christmas did not go without a hitch and was stressful because of a couple of incidents with Amazon delivery and yesterday’s fiasco where my bath had sprung a leak and flooded my neighbor’s ceiling.

I ended up having a full-on panic attack and could not stop the water from pouring because my bath was not holding in the water and apparently as I found out today the silver part of the drain had come loose which caused water to not empty through the waste pipe but directly onto the floorboards and onto my neighbor’s ceiling, as you can see by the video.

Next Door Neighbours Flat Below Me!

So as you can imagine it took its toll on my health yesterday to the point that after the contractor left today, I ended up falling asleep for a good few hours during the day which is unusual for me as I never do that.

With this said, I spoke to someone today about my health and it seems that no matter what I say it goes over people’s heads.

I stated I have a problem with social disconnection and also problems walking because of my bad knee and it is as if they cannot comprehend that I cannot walk far because I am not on crutches or do not have a walking stick.

I stated, after a couple of times coming up and down my stairs, my knee gets painful and swells and this is what the person said to me and I quote “It will be nice to walk around the park and get some fresh air“. My response online to this is “did they not hear what I said I cannot walk far“, and how is walking around the park going to benefit me in any way?, what about the time I would have to take off from my work?

You would not expect any successful entrepreneur to put their businesses on hold for leisurely strolls.

I have four businesses, I am worth a lot of money on paper and no one is going to get in between.

Another thing people do not understand if they have never run a business before is that a self-employed person’s income is not guaranteed, they have to work ten times harder than an employee to find leads and keep them. An employee takes their wages for granted as it is a secure income for them for the duration they work for a company. However, with the uncertainty of the high street and hospitality sector and business closures because of the pandemic, an entrepreneur has to do everything they can to secure their business and make it run smoothly, never mind make sure their clients pay them on time. Running a business is not a walk in the park.

I also stated about social disconnection and also the fact I cannot walk very far, this did not comprehend with this person. Not only that, I picked up on some mockery when I laughed about something I said (and the person in the background thought they were being clever and funny by mimicking my laugh, repeating the tone of my laugh), which I purposely ignored but will not forget.

If I want to have fresh air I simply have to open my front door or buy oxygen in a can.

I do not take kindly to people being ignorant and pretending to be my friend just so that they can gossip about me after. I have never been bosom pals with this person even though I have known them for over 20 years, my gut feeling tells me they are false and think highly of themselves.

Furthermore, I know I do not live in a palace at the moment, granted, but trying to imply that they somehow are more superior to me because their property is a mortgaged new build and mine is falling apart rented Listed Georgian House, they do not have the right to be judgemental as they do not know my circumstances and I should not have to explain myself to them.

I was told I could phone them anytime for a chat. I understand they may have had good intentions when saying that but I have nothing in common with them, what exactly would we be chatting about, they are not on the same page as me and never will be? If I need mental health support I have my useful links page to fall back on.

With social disconnection, people like myself do not need other people in their lives and do not like socializing. It is not due entirely to the fact of mental health issues with me it is more so I chose who I wish to spend company with and I am 100% focused on my work. Granted I am wary of intermingling with people because of the pandemic, but I am much happier not being around people physically, I much rather connect with people online.

According to statistics social isolation or disconnection significantly increase a person’s risk of premature death from all causes, a risk that may rival those of smoking, obesity, and physical inactivity. Social isolation is associated with about a 50% percent increased risk of dementia because people’s brains are not as active if they stay at home, where loneliness and boredom kick in.

The above statement I agree to disagree. I choose the company I keep and I am extremely active online, so I am keeping my brain working. I do not smoke and will not say I am obese, perhaps slightly overweight. But again I can always do exercise at home if I really wanted to.

I am always learning and people seem to underestimate me by trying to be do-gooders. I would not have been able to build four businesses for myself and multiple businesses for other people if I was short of a shilling or two.

For me I find writing therapy and learning new things, I love reading and watching documentaries. I always keep myself busy. I am currently researching neuroplasticity, neuroscience, and quantum physics. I have recently completed a course on hypnotherapy and plan to take on more courses in the New Year.

If you found this article insightful please take a moment to either comment, share, or subscribe.

#christmasmentalhealth #christmas #mentalhealth #covid #panedmic #socialdisconnection #disabledentrepreneur #selfemployed

Panic Attacks vs Anxiety Attacks

The Difference Between Anxiety Attack Vs. Panic Attack.

As most of my readers are aware I suffer from OCD and Anxiety. I have suffered for over 35 years. With this in mind, I have decided to look into alternative therapy (hypnosis) to try and help myself and people like me.

Since the beginning of lockdown 2020, I have not ventured out of my home. All grocery is delivered and the nearest interaction I have with humans physically is when I have to meet and greet couriers or workmen and that suits me fine. I am the happiest and at home in my own environment.

I conduct all my business online and do not need to have face-to-face meetings.

However, this is more complicated and easier said than done. My friends are understanding and are happy to give me the space I need but my family on the other hand is another matter.

First off, someone said to me towards the beginning part of this year, that it was unhealthy of me to stay home 24/7 and that I should go up the road for 10 minutes each day.

I used to train ‘Muay Thai Kickboxing‘ and used to spend an hour at home exercising using DVDs before hitting the gym, so if I wanted to have any exercise I could in the comfort of my home without having to take the mindless waste of time walks as what was suggested. Besides standing outside waiting for delivery drivers gives me all the fresh air I need.

My time is better spent working and learning rather than walking up the road for no reason, I get my ten minutes each day waiting for the couriers as I cannot sprint down the stairs like I used to prior to having a vicious attack on my knee which left me unable to walk very far or down the stairs as easily as I used to be able to do.

However my extended family are the least bit interested in my explanations and are narrow-minded and simply think I am making excuses, how little do they know about my health or my life for that matter.

The other suggestion at the beginning part of this year was that once lockdown was lifted we should all meet up and go to dinner. I explained I have not had the vaccine jabs without going into any details about why I had not and cannot have the vaccine.

The response was if not for myself how about protecting the population to which I replied about herd immunity.

Yet the real reason why I cannot have the vaccines is that I have a PEG Allergy and cannot risk my health. I suffer from breathing difficulties from injectable steroids and penicillin as well as having severe allergic reactions to certain products and food. (This is all documented on my medical records) https://marketingagency.cymrumarketing.com/2021/03/19/polyethylene-glycol-peg-allergy-as-a-cause-of-anaphylaxis/

So because of this conversation, it then went on the grapevine that I do not go out, which has raised alarm bells amongst my closest family members.

Most do not bother with me and only talk to me at Christmas (small talk) yet they have my well-being at heart and concern themselves about my health, ironically, and think it is right to be judgemental of my actions.

Just because I have OCD does not make me insane, I am still in control of my faculties and can decide what is good for me and what is not. If I can write this post I am certainly an abled body person, just because my brain works differently does not make me less of a person or pitied upon.

I do not go out for a few reasons:

  1. I do not want to risk catching Covid as I am more susceptible of contracting it without being vaccinated.
  2. I have developed Social Anxiety and simply do not want to interact physically with other people.
  3. My OCD has got worse because I am more paranoid about germ contamination and have dedicated my life to beating this disease by researching neuroplasticity and hypnosis. I have already completed one course and will document my findings on www.ocd.cymru which I happen to own.
  4. I run a business I do not have spare time off to take off work, taking time off work means I have to pay someone to do my job. Since Lockdown I lost a lot of business so I am now trying to get back on my feet again. I have survived unlike businesses like Debenhams, Top Shop etc, so I am fortuante I have got a business.

None of this is taken into consideration or matters to my family (extended or otherwise) I feel my disability because it is invisible people make the assumptions that it is not real and they get on the superior high horse casting judgment.

Therefore in anticipation of what is about to transpire in the next week, I have been put on the spot and feel this is a test to see if I am simply making things up, I PREDICT I may have a PANIC ATTACK, seeing as I have ANXIETY ISSUES simply thinking about it.

I am so desperately trying to not work myself up as the day draws near.

So although I feel that some of my family means well in a certain capacity, because they do not know the full picture of my circumstances and some even live abroad and only see me every once in a while they do not fully comprehend my life, my health, or my work and simply do not understand.

I had one family member in South America asked when I was going to visit. The trip is not a taxi cab away and I have a business to run and the response I had was “so you can’t afford to come over then?” ……..automatically judging me.

In my defense, I cannot afford to catch Covid, my business is my baby and I will not let anything happen to it.

The sheer thought of going into the city and meeting my family member, mingling around strangers that may or may not be carrying the virus is causing me a great deal of anxiety and distress and this is in the UK never mind in some foreign country.

If I live to tell the tale unless and unless a miracle happens, Covid is eradicated, my Social Anxiety and OCD subsides, you will not see me venturing out again for a very long time after this unless I am cured of my disabilities and the virus has gone.

Anxiety vs Panic.

The terms anxiety attack vs. panic attack are often used interchangeably, but they have two they have very different meanings.

Anxiety is a prolonged build-up of worry but a panic attack is sudden. Whilst both have similar symptoms, there are definite distinctive differences between the two and the length of time one suffers. They also may differ in how they are triggered, and how they are treated.

Although there are similarities between the two, we need to fully comprehend the difference, as well, such as analyze risk factors, physical symptoms, and how to treat an attack, so that you can accurately document symptoms and problems to your doctor.

Both conditions are treated differently, so it is important to diagnose whether you are having anxiety attacks or panic attacks.

Early Signs and Symptoms

One of the main differences between anxiety attacks vs. panic attacks is how they start.

An anxiety attack usually has a gradual or prolonged onset. Just as I am experiencing now the simple thought of seeing one of my family members is causing me great anxiety and distress.

If I have not hugged or touched my daughter for the last 10 years imagine having to physically interact with a close relative in the midst of the Covid Pandemic, without offending them.

Other symptoms of anxiety usually precede it. It is also usually caused by a specific situation that can be narrowed down as the cause of the anxiety attack.

However, panic attacks are not obvious and come on spontaneously. They have an immediate onset, usually out of the blue, with no gradual build-up.

These types of attacks can come on without warning, regardless of the situation going on around you. Usually, it is a trigger to a response. Similarly, if I had a call out of the blue that I had to go out of my comfort zone I would most probably have a panic attack.

Sometimes an anxiety attack may turn into a panic attack especially if there has been a gradual build-up as in my case. The body is already in defense mode and is simply waiting for a trigger.

Symptoms

There are some similarities in the symptoms between anxiety attack vs. panic attack. While the physical symptoms are remarkably similar, they can vary in intensified intrusive thoughts and feelings between the two types of attacks. Anxiety attacks come with more prolonged thought than panic attacks which are sudden.

Anxiety Attack

Anxieties are gradual feelings of apprehension or worry, distress, restlessness, or fear. These symptoms usually start before the actual attack and persist long after the attack is over.

Panic Attack

Panic attacks are sudden, you may have similar symptoms as an anxiety attack but these symptoms are more intensified. With a panic attack, you may feel you are gasping for air or feel light-headed and want to be sick or you may experience a debilitating fear and a feeling of being afraid of losing control and everything is caving in around you. You may even have physical symptoms of the attack that may make you feel as though you are about to die.

Panic attacks also tend to come with a feeling of detachment from the world around you, called derealization, or detachment from yourself, called depersonalization. A panic attack may cause you to distance yourself from everything and everyone.

Physical Symptoms Of Both

The physical symptoms of anxiety attack vs. panic attack are the same. The difference here is in the intensity. One study found that anxiety attacks in which a specific situation or stimuli perpetuated the attack held stronger, more intense physical symptoms than panic attacks that came on out of the blue.

The most common physical symptoms of anxiety and panic attacks are:

  • Heart Racing/Palpitations
  • Feeling Faint, Dizziness/lightheadedness
  • Feeling Sick, Nausea
  • Tightness of the Chest and Chest pain
  • Feeling Hot and Sweating
  • Gasping for Air, Shortness of breath

Other symptoms that may occur with anxiety and panic attacks include:

  • Finding it hard to swallow, tightness in the throat, feeling as though you are choking
  • Uncontrolable Shuddering and Trembling or Shaking
  • Pins and Needles, Numbness or tingling
  • A headache with an onset of a Migraine

Physical symptoms can be similar with both anxiety or panic attacks in equal measure. However, the symptoms could be more intense and last longer with anxiety attacks, because they are situational. If the situation persists, the attack could last quite some time.

Differences In Duration

With Anxiety, the duration can be days, weeks, or months and there are distinct differences between anxiety attacks vs. panic attacks. A panic attack is sudden and comes on out of the blue and lasts only about an average of ten minutes, symptoms quickly dissipate after the attack is over.

With anxiety, the attack is likely to last until the situation changes, or you are removed from the situation. Symptoms of the anxiety attack, such as restlessness, worry, and distress, could last for some time after the anxiety attack is over.

Triggers

Anxiety is the manifestation of your negative thoughts that fester in your mind. There are also differences in triggers between anxiety attacks vs. panic attacks. The exact causes or triggers of panic attacks depend on what you fear most and what is worrying you. They are sudden and may start with no discernable cause. It could be stage fright or being forced into an uncomfortable situation out of your comfort zone.

Anything can trigger a panic attack based on your fears. It is sometimes hard to determine the cause of panic attacks, although people who have certain fears and worry about certain situations may experience panic attacks when their worries start to materialize.

With anxiety attacks, the triggers depend on the situation someone is in. People with extreme social disconnection disorders may have an anxiety attack when faced with a crowd of people.

Someone who is afraid of spiders may freak out if they see one and will not go back into a room until the spider has gone. People who have a phobia of closed spaces might have an anxiety attack in a small elevator. People afraid of needs may refuse to have a vaccine. Someone who has dental anxiety might have an anxiety attack at the dentist.

People cope with anxiety and fears in different ways. Some smoke, cigarette, drink alcohol, or take prescribed or recreational drugs. So use sex as a way of release and maybe promiscuous.

There are many possible triggers for anxiety attacks. It depends on the person’s tolerance threshold of their fears. Different people have different fears, phobias, and levels of comfort with different situations. The things that trigger one person may be very different from the things that may trigger someone else.

Risk Factors For Both

It is not entirely known what causes anxiety and panic attacks. However fear is a contributing factor. The risk factors of anxiety attack vs. panic attack are the same. If you have these risk factors, you are more likely to have anxiety attacks or panic attacks. Some common denominators have been noted over time in various studies as follows:

  • Trauma
  • Shock
  • Distress
  • Stress
  • Grief
  • Fear
  • Worries
  • Chronic health condition
  • Mental health disorder
  • Family history of anxiety or panic disorders
  • Alcohol and Drug Abuse

Differences In Treatment

Anxiety Attacks

Anxiety attacks are often treated as a symptom and can be treated with medication, cognitive-behavioral therapy, and hypnosis. Cognitive-behavioral therapy works in managing anxiety attacks and other mental health disorders and can help stop the gradual onset of the anxiety attack.

Panic Attacks

Panic attacks must be treated differently. Because they may be less frequent and can often not be predicted.

Therapy can be a helpful way to learn how to manage panic attacks. Therapy can help a person deal with a panic attack a little bit better if they are prepared in advance and know what to do.

What To Do If You Have An Attack

When you feel an attack coming on take slow deep breaths. Focus on your breathing and don’t allow it to quicken. It is also important to stay focus and not panic, try to control the situation with your thoughts and your breathing. Tell yourself the symptoms will pass, but you need to stay calm.

You can also use self-hypnosis relaxation techniques to help you get through the attack. Visualize a tranquil safe place and put all your negative thoughts and burn them in your mind.

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)

What does an anxiety attack feel like?

According to the latest version of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5), symptoms of an anxiety attack or panic attack might include the following:

  • An intense fear, discomfort, or dread
  • Heart racing/palpitations or feeling like the heart is pounding
  • Feeeling Sick
  • Difficulty breathing, gasping for air, shortness of breath
  • Shaking uncontrolably, sweating trembling or hot flashes
  • Feeling faint, light headed with the room spinning.
  • Pins and needles, numbness or tingling
  • Dissociation and disconnection
  • Muscle Tension
  • Temperament Changes
  • Mood Swings
  • Tolerance Levels Changing
  • Anger Issues
  • Crying

The sudden, intense panic attack symptoms often mimic the fight or flight response; the brain may perceive a threat even when there isn’t one. I have had such attacks in the past and where I was either out of my comfort zone or was in danger, I started to panic.

Can an anxiety attack turn into a panic attack?

You’ve likely heard the terms anxiety attack and panic attack used interchangeably. Though similar and interconnected in many ways, anxiety attacks and panic attacks are not the same. 

Chronic anxiety can lead to anxiety attacks or states of heightened anxiety. Heightened anxiety leaves you feeling more vulnerable, so it’s not uncommon for panic attacks to evolve from this sort of emotional state.

How long do panic attacks last?

Panic attacks depend from person to person and generally last 5-20 minutes, although it has been known it can last hours or more.

How do you calm a panic attack?

There are several ways of dealing with panic disorder symptoms or a panic attack, these include deep breathing exercises, mind control with positive thoughts.

What works for one person may not work with another. Some people for instance may find that distracting themselves from their thoughts by talking with others or doing something creative is an effective way to calm themselves, whilst others might find it difficult to concentrate on anything other than their symptoms.

Controlling Panic Attacks.

  • Find something to distract yourself this could be reading a book, baking a cake or talking to someone.
  • Learn deep breathing techniques.
  • Practice meditation and muscle relaxation techniques.
  • Accept that you are having a panic attack and that, while the feeling is uncomforable the symptoms will not last forever.
  • Focus on positive thoughts.

What triggers a panic attack?

Panic attacks can be set off by specific situations, manifested through a triggered fear.

People who suffer from anxiety disorders, panic disorder, or other mental health conditions are more likely to experience panic attacks than others. 

What alternative help other than medication is available?

Panic attacks and chronic anxiety can be alleviated through meditation and hypnosis. However, if you’re dealing with the symptoms of panic disorder or panic attacks, it’s best to be medically reviewed and receive the diagnosis or treatment of a healthcare professional. 

What Natural Remedies are there for Anxiety?

  • Meditation
  • Hypnosis
  • Breathing exercises concentrating on inhalation/exhalation.
  • Muscle relaxation exercises
  • Distraction – Find something to do to take your mind off things. For me it is blogging or reading a book or watching a documentary.
  • Scripting positive thoughts
  • Keeping a journal, keeping track of thoughts and anxietythis helps to recognise the triggers. Part of conquering anxiety is understanding it!

What to drink to calm nerves?

Avoid caffeinated alcohol, coffee, or tea as sometimes caffeine can sometimes amplify the feelings and sensations you’d like to avoid. Drink herbal teas instead,

Drop us an email or leave a comment below and I will send you a herbal tea book for free.

If your symptoms are chronic or severe, it may be time to seek help.

Note From The Editor.

I have heard that lavender helps to relax you and aromatherapy can help with anxiety and stress. I am trying to be brave meeting my relative and leaving my comfort zone for the first time in one and half years and will update you on how it went on the 9th of this month.

I can feel my heart racing a bit but I am distracting myself with my work and also doing some self-hypnosis sessions on myself.

I have not cured myself of OCD yet and simply interacting with other human beings is going to be very daunting and a big ordeal for me considering I will be out for the majority of the day including going somewhere to eat. I am not sure how I will cope, to be honest, so wish me luck.

#anxiety #anxietyattack #panicattack #panicattacks #breathingexercises #meditation #hypnosis

Why Do People Assume or Presume?

Why Do People Assume or Presume?

Taking People For Granted, Assuming, Presuming and Mental Health.

People make assumptions as an efficient way to process the world. It is a shortcut to knowing the facts. As one Yale neurobiology professor explained, the brain’s vast neural network requires huge amounts of energy to keep it running: … One way our brain saves energy is by making assumptions. Making assumptions can ruin people’s lives.

Assume vs Presume

Presume is a verb that means to suppose, to take for granted, or to dare. Assume is a verb that means to suppose, to take for granted, to take upon, to do, or to undertake.

Assume and presume both mean “to take something for granted” or “to take something as true.” The difference between the words lies in the degree of confidence held by the speaker or writer. … ‘Presume‘ is the word to use if you’re making an informed guess based on reasonable evidence.

Therefore as an example I ask you some questions.

These are all hypothetical questions.

  1. Would you assume for example someone could find nearly $100 per month only by giving them one month’s notice for an increase in rent? Would you presume they could afford to find the $100?
  2. The second question would you assume someone who is self-employed to drop everything because you were arriving without even asking them if the date of your arrival was suitable for them? or would you presume they would just find the time because you snapped your fingers?
  3. The third question would you message a VIP and assume they have time to chat with you or that they will phone you when what you could say could have been written in an email that would take a minute or two to read, or would you expect that person to take time out of their busy schedule to hear you waffle on about something that could have been put in writing? or would you presume they would drop what they are doing to casually chat with you?
  4. Would you assume or presume that whoever you asked to call you or meet you could afford to do so? Would you assume or presume that their finances can meet the budget of an excursion for example or meeting up to go to a fancy restaurant? A self-employed person has more commitments than the average person, they have to pay the overheads of their business not just their own personal expenses.

These are all hypothetical questions that a disabled entrepreneur is faced with and I want to teach people to consider others before making rash decisions. It is unfair to put anyone on the spot regardless of their status, disability or situation.

Always discuss things and be very understanding and be respectful of someone’s wishes. Never judge based on a person’s choices.

Always find out the facts first and understand people’s circumstances before making plans or assumptions.

A self-employed person may not have the time to meet and maybe 100% dedicated to their work. Just because you have free time or work for someone else, there is a difference. If you work for someone else your wage is guaranteed, however, if you work for yourself your income is not”.

Do take off your rose-colored tinted glasses before making plans. There is a saying “put your brain in gear before putting your mouth in motion”.

People with Rosecolored tinted glasses tend to be optimistic and have a cheerful way of looking at life. … Someone who looks at things through rose-colored tinted glasses looks on the bright side, sees the glass half full, and looks for a silver lining in all things. So their way of thinking maybe if you lose work because of a casual meet-up to not to worry as another job will come along, having a go-lucky attitude. They also may think that life is too short to worry about finances and just go with the flow and live for the moment. Their excuses will always override your thinking and you cannot win.

NEVER ASSUME OR PRESUME ANYTHING!

  1. Do not assume or presume that people can talk to you when they are working 24/7.
  2. Do not assume or presume people can meet you even for five minutes if they have a busy schedule or a critical time path and manage other people’s businesses.
  3. Do not assume or presume people can pull money out of their a##es just because you are demanding. Think about what this will do to a person’s mental state of mind if you go on your high horse and be expectant.
  4. You would not expect, assume or presume the likes of say, someone like “Elon Musk” to drop everything for you so do not think you are so special that anyone will drop everything for you.
  5. Consider the other person’s circumstances before assuming or presuming they can travel. They may have health issues and may find it difficult to travel. Do not assume or presume that someone with a physical or mental disability will recover miraculously within a short space of time of your arrival, never assume or presume anything.
  6. Never assume or presume that within a month someone can find an extra $100 per month for a rent increase when they could have lost business because of the pandemic or their job.
  7. Never invite yourself to anyone’s home without asking them first if it is convenient, do not assume or presume that you turning up someone will drop everything for you.

It really rattles me when people are so narrow-minded and do not care about anything apart from themselves”.

People simply do not care: https://disabledentrepreneur.uk/why-people-do-not-care

I am venting my anger because not only do I have time wasters trying to waste my precious time, attempting me to do work but refusing to sign contracts, I also have those that think they can waste my precious money.

If you cannot support me, why bother talking to me? If you are just wanting to meet up to be nosey and judgemental, you can read about me online and do not have to see me? https://renataentrepreneur.com/irenata-my-sites

Do take people’s circumstances into consideration especially if they are running a business and have health issues.

If you want to see someone but they are not comfortable meeting you consider Facetime, Skype, Zoom, Teams to name a few, I personally do not have to see you in person.

Do not assume or presume that I for one will drop everything for you because you are arriving, you should never put anyone on the spot and expect to meet if you know they have health issues.

Do not assume or presume that my health issues will miraculously go away within a short space of time when I personally have battled my illness for 30 years. Do not put people on the spot and force them into a situation they do not want to be in.

Do not be selfish.

Do not assume or presume because you are turning up on a weekend that someone such as myself does not work weekends. Always find out the facts and give the other person plenty of time to make adjustments if at all possible and discuss a happy medium where both parties can agree to something, consider the person’s disabilities, and do not expect too much from that person if you care about them.

Ask in advance if that particular date is suitable for both parties concerned, do not assume or presume that they can take time off work, and be aware that may lose business because of your selfish, careless thinking.

Life lesson does not matter how old you are, if you want something from someone be prepared to compensate them for their time, service, and resources.

Never assume or presume people’s financial circumstances or their health and never assume or presume to take up people’s time.

Assumption can lead to resentment and animosity. Always communicate properly and understand that people that run small businesses may not have free time especially if they are trying to build their empires. Always consider other people’s circumstances first before being selfish.

There are so many self-centered people in this world, that simply only care about themselves but live a lie pretending they care about others, do not be one of them!

Note From the Editor.

Putting my health issues aside for a moment, I run several businesses www.irenata.com, and manage over 100 websites. I support startups that may not have the money to pay for a website upfront but want a helping hand to get them started. In return, they recommend me to other businesses. Just because I have over 100 websites they may not all be payable until the end of the trial period. Where I have to dedicate at least 2-4 hours of work a month to each website, so do the maths, that is 2-4 x hours per website x 100 websites = 200 – 400 hours per month divided by 4 weeks is 50 -100 hours a week which divided by 7 days is 7-14 hours per day without me doing anything else, so where have I find the time to meet up for a casual chit chat? I don’t and I can’t. I am not going to jeopardize my business for anyone.

This Is How My Critical Time Path Should Look Like below:

However, I cannot keep to my plan and most certainly cannot take time off work.

This is just an example CTP.

“So before assuming or presuming I can take time off work, take into consideration that I run several businesses of my own and manage other people’s businesses also”, so do the maths.

So before being judgemental and labeling me, I will protect my business with my life and will put it before anyone and anything else. I know there are people who are just watching and waiting for me to fail but I will not let that happen.

“Just because I have a disability does not make me crazy”.

If I choose not to waste my time walking around a park aimlessly for 10 minutes a day that’s my business. If I want fresh air I can step outside or if I want to do exercise I can do it in the comfort of my home.

I can manage my disabilities using my own methodology and do not like people trying to change my way of thinking unless I specifically ask them to.

If you have not walked in my shoes you have no right to make opinions, assumptions, or presumptions.

#assume #assuming #presume #presuming #takingforgranted

Coping With Life When You Are Disabled.

Copying With life When You Are Disabled.

I have this methology “if life gives you lemons, make lemonade”. I am not the type of person to whinge and moan, I just make the most of what I have and try to get on with it.

I always keep myself busy and set goals. However my physical and mental disabilities are obstacles that daily I have to get round.

My OCD is by far one of my prominent disabilities and have designed a quarantined cocoon area where only I have access to. This area allows me to be free of any anxieties that I would have in the normal environment. I have adopted this practice to save cleaning my whole home from top to bottom day in and day out. Believe me I used to clean from top to bottom every single day until I realised I was wasting valuable time doing something else.

Keeping myself busy does help to block out intrusive thoughts to a certain degree. I am the worlds worse for critising myself. I try to brain train to reason with myself that what I do is ridiculous and out of character to normal people, but it all is related to stress, anxiety and depression. Depending how stress I am under will depend how well my day will be. If I am super stressed, I find that I cannot concentrate and even do minuscule tasks.

My OCD is germ contamination related and I am even more conscious of my surrounding and the things that I touch. I dislike people visting me and visa versa. I prefer not to go out, hence I am not going out any time soon pandemic regulations or not.

I actually wrote an article on my other blog about germ awareness and cross contamination: https://marketingagency.cymrumarketing.com/2021/02/16/saliva-and-mail-cross-contamination-of-germs/

As for my other disabilities:

  • Cerebellar Atrophy (I lose my balance or grip and muddle my words up especially when I write, I also have mental blocks).
  • OCD (I am aware of germ cross contimination and and am careful what I touch).
  • Social Disconnection (I prefer my own company and not go out and socialise, although we can’t anyway but you get my drift).
  • PTSD (I have flashbacks of the physical and mental trauma I endured in the past and certain things trigger my depression).
  • Clinical Depression (This is related to past physical and mental trauma I endured, in which there are days where I go to a dark place).
  • Rheumatoid Arthritis (I cannot bend my knee, again from past physical trauma/abuse).
  • Dysphagia (I sometimes choke of food, I get a painful feeling followed by trouble swallowing and breathing and only when the food is dislodged does the feeling subside, gross I know but what can I do? I have been told I could have surgery but there is no gauarantee that it would work. I am not going to go under the knife for anything, I can tell you that for sure).
  • Epidural Analgesia (Chronic Back Pain, even bending down to feed the cat makes my back spasm, the same goes if I am standing for excessive length of time I have shooting pains from the small of my back to the nape of my neck. Simple taskes like taking out the rubbish or bringing in the grocery shopping has brought tears to my eyes in the past).

So yes I have good days and bad days but I do not dwell on my ailments and try to live the best way I can. I adapt to around my disabilities. Fortuantely for me I offer digital services so I can do 100% of my work online and do not have to venture out.

Stress and worry are contributing factors to my OCD, PTSD, Depression and Social Disconnection.

  • Getting headaches (I have regular headaches)
  • Having stomach cramps (I have a bad stomach most days, but that can be from drinking energy drinks to keep me awake).
  • Not being able to sleep (I find my medication helps me sleep but it takes a few hours for me to wind down, hence I watch a film or play a game, I also read books from time to time).
  • Feeling pains in your chest (I do not get them often but when I do it is scary as I have also experienced jaw ache and shooting pain down my left arm in the past). I have had an ecg scan done and the doctor said there was nothing wrong, yet the same doctor also prescribed antacid ‘Gaviscon’ to my daughter even though she was later diagnosed with MS after I admitted her into A&E.
  • Having constant worring (If I do not keep myself busy I do worry hence I try to keep my mind occupied all the time). Worrying only makes your health deteriorate and although life struggles can get in the way of your happiness, one needs to find a way to tackle the problem we are faced with, rather than sweep them under the carpet. Confronting your inner demons makes you stronger. Sometimes simply writing down your problems is the first step to dealing with whatever is on your mind. Talking to a friend or family member also helps but for me expessing my emotions in the form of a blog is theraputic in itself.
  • Having panic attacks (I only get these if I have to meet negative people). People that judge or critise, you know the people I am talking about or if I have a deadline in work or something that I have seen or heard that has triggered the onset of sheer panic. However for most part I am organised and know to how to avoid trigger warnings, so panic attacks are subdued.
  • Feeling shortness of breath, (I only get this if I cannot swallow due to my Dysphagia or at times when I have in the past been in distress, due to the trauma and abuse I endured).
  • Having mood swings with friends or family (I avoid socialising so no one knows my moods and no one can be on the tail end if I do have a bad day).
  • Finding it hard to feel happy (Continuously reassuring myself and staying positive that what I am doing will eventually change my life for the better, is enough to motivate me to get up and tackle every day tasks).

Although I was going to do a daily/weekly journal of my health, I am not able to do so at present as I have many projects I am working on and simply do not have the time, but I always try to strive to stay focused and optimistic that tomorrow will be a better day.

Obviously adopting a healthy lifestyle can help with coping with life struggles, such as:

  • Regular Exercise
  • Breathing Exercise
  • Meditation
  • Eating Healthily
  • Brain Training
  • Learning New Things
  • Staying Focused
  • Being Organised
  • Setting Goals
  • Time Management
  • Avoiding Negative People
  • Learning to Trust People
  • Motivation
  • Talking to Family and Friends About Your Troubles
  • Discussing your Problems with Professionals, Health, Finance, Relationships etc

Final Thoughts!

I am a disabled entrepreneur and I have created a business round my disabilities. The way I saw it when I first started out, I would not fit in or be accepted in a normal working enviroment and I am the most happiest I have ever been for a long time doing what I do and it works for me. So the way I see it is my disabilities are a blessing in disguise, as I would not be where I am today without them.

I avoid negative judgemental people especially if they have power trips (Trolls especially that have nothing better to do than try an bring a person down, these get immediately blocked).

As for me I will help anyone that genuinely needs my help. I am very good at analysing people and situations and I am very astute.

Stay safe, stay focused and stay motivated, nothing stays the same forever unless you let it…

What is Anxiety

What is Anxiety.

Believe it or not everyone suffers from Anxiety at some point in their lives. It is the most NORMAL psychological feeling anyone can have.

However, when a person regularly feels disproportionate levels of anxiety, it may be due to an underlying condition in which it becomes a mental health disorder.

Anxiety disorders are categorised through medical health diagnoses that can lead to excessive nervousness, fear, apprehension, and worry.

For example I am suffering with anxiety today, the lack of reassurance and with no support system in place to tell me everything will be ok is causing me to over think and worry.

I have no motivation and my concentration levels are easily broken by distracted intrusive thoughts. The persisting feeling of uncertainty and what my landlord is planning to do or not do is making me very ill right now.

Yes I know I can report my landlord for not doing his job properly but with that there is a domino effect, a consequence to an action and I do not want to risk loosing my home. I also do not want court battles etc as I have no energy. I need to stay focused which is the most important thing in my life, my business.

I do take medication but I only take it about an hour before I go to sleep as I do not want to feel zonked out and drowsy during the day.

I live on Monster White Ultra Energy Drinks to keep me awake.

Anxiety Mental Health disorders alter how a person processes thought and emotions. Mild anxiety might be unoticeable to an onlooker yet still might be unsettling to the sufferer, whilst severe anxiety may cause serious psychological problems where the sufferer may show obvious signs which affect their day-to-day living.

Anxiety disorders affects over 40 million people in the United States alone. In 2013, there were 8.2 million cases of anxiety in the UK. In England women are almost twice as likely to be diagnosed with anxiety disorders as to men (Men have difficulty asking for help). However there are many people that fall through the cracks and are left untreated. People who suffer with anxiety are more prone to turning to alcohol or substance abuse such as recreational drugs etc to relieve the build up of tension.

We first need to recognise the difference between normal feelings of anxiety and an anxiety disorder requiring medical attention.

When an sufferer faces potentially harmful or worrying triggers, these feelings of anxiety are not only normal but necessary for survival.

The feeling of anxiety causes a rush of adrenalin, a hormone and chemical messenger in the brain, which in turn triggers these anxious reactions in a process called the “fight-or-flight’ response. These alarms become noticeable in the form of a raised heartbeat (palpitations), sweating, and increased sensitivity to surroundings.

From as early on as stoneage we have adapted a protection mechanism whereby running from large animals and imminent danger caused us to have feelings of anxiety. As humans we have evolved and our surrounding have changed, we may not be in danger from the animal kingdom but more so from a concrete jungle. Anxieties now revolve around work, money, family life, health, and other pressing issues that demand a person’s attention without necessarily requiring the ‘fight-or-flight’ reaction.

People are more aware about the dangers surrounding them yet insecurities do play an active role that allows the sufferer to bring up barriers which is essential to our survival. Anxiety of being involved in a road traffic accident for example will make the sufferer be more vigilant and careful whilst driving.

The sufferer may develop physical symptoms, such as increased blood pressure and nausea and headaches.

The APA The American Psychological Association defines a person with anxiety disorder as “having recurring intrusive thoughts.” Once the sufferer experiences anxiety reaching this stage of a disorder, it can may well interfere with day to day ability to function properly and will need medical attention.

Symptoms

The symptoms of generalized anxiety disorder (GAD) will often include the following:

  • a feeling of restlessness or being “on-edge”
  • a feeling of uncontrollable worry
  • a feeling of insecurities
  • a feeling of agitation
  • a feeling of intense anger
  • a feeling of little or no patience and increased irritability
  • a feeling of little or no concentration
  • a problem sleeping, such as insomnia or the polar opposite of wanting to sleep all day
  • a feeling of hopelessness and that nothing matters any more
  • the lack of motivation
  • the lack of energy
  • stop taking care of themselves and may engage in risky behavior.
  • withdraw or isolate themselves from other people

Whilst these symptoms can manifest with the best of us not all of us can cope as well as we should.

If the symptoms persist and linger, it may be time to talk it over with your GP. No one should suffer in silence.

More Reading: https://www.apa.org/topics/holiday-stress

Final Thoughts.

Whilst I am suffering because of uncertainties in my life, I am grateful I have medication to help me sleep. I do not keep alcohol in my home as that is a recipe for disaster. I have learnt that although I am not an alcoholic and never have been, I do not trust myself when I am not in a controlled state. Sometimes drinking can even influence the anxiety to the extreme.

I would advise anyone experiencing axienty issues to consult their local doctor.

For me I will just have to confront my anxiety head on whenever that time will be and prepare myself for a worst case scenario. The prolonged feeling and uncertainty is the worst of not knowing what is going to happen.

I have only landlord and the pat testing electricians to blame for this, as my landlord should have had made sure the kitchen was safe to use, considering he had pat testing at the beginning part of the year. You would think that the company knew what they were doing but I can find faults in all the work they did and will doing my own report as evidence.

As a foot note from my own personal experience try to occupy your mind with something else other than what is troubling you. Watch a film or a documentary. Do an online course or read a book or take up a hobby like blogging, painting, photography or baking etc.

Although I am fortunate to own several blogs and in a way it is therapy for me, I still am battling my inner demons and can’t wait to confront the one person that is making me feel this way. I am not going to harrass him with endless text messages, he received a message and email from me so I have done my part. Seeing as he chose to ignore me it just says what type of human being he is aswell as what kind of landlord.

AMAZON BOOK STORE

Christmas Stress Due to Depression & OCD

Christmas Stress Due to Depression and OCD.

As most of you know I suffer from depression and OCD. I have good days and bad days and this last week have made my illnesses skyrocket.

Had the electricians that did Pat Testing the beginning part of the year done their jobs properly and seen that the cooker sockets were inside the hot zone that they should have corrected it.

However because they did not do this, this has created a domino effect when one thing happens after another due to the consequences of people’s actions. Now as you know my cooker arrived which I paid for (more fool me) seeing as I have never had a cooker change in the last 24 years of living at my rented residence, you would have thought the landlord would be happy. I told him I was buying a cooker months ago but conveniently he has forgotten.

So to add insult to injury it has been a week since the cooker was delivered and it is still not been installed.

I was told my landlord would turn up on Saturday then at near enough Midnight he text me to say he would be coming Monday or Tuesday (No Show) so I text him yesterday and asked if he was coming today this was a hours ago and so far he has ignored me.

You have to also know what type of landlord he is, I reported another fault in March of this year and he only had it fixed in December so you can imagine the pace he goes.

The chain reaction of events has caused me to go into severe depression and I am in a very dark place at the moment (This is now my landlord’s fault for making me feel like this as he was the last straw, the straw that broke the camels back to speak).

This is the main factor of my depression at the moment.

But there are additional factors whereby because I am disabled I have a disabled sticker on my wheelie refuse bin, so all the wheelie bins on the street were emptied apart from mine and I checked with the council and there was no reason why my bin was not emptied so my rubbish will pile up for another two weeks in which keeping rubbish in my home is against health and safety and I do not want to attract mice.

I have had problems with mice before and when my neighbor lived downstairs with her cats we had no mice but the moment she left we ended having mice problems.

I took it upon myself to allow my daughter to have a kitten who is now 1 yr 6 months years old it was supposed to be also good for her Multiple Sclerosis therapy and is an eco-friendly mice deterrent.

Now when my landlord came about 6 months ago just before the first lockdown to inspect the property he mentioned nothing about the cat but because I have essentially caused him to lose money because of this cooker installation he has now said he can smell cat urine on the entrance of the flat and up to our staircase and that he will need to buy a new carpet.

This is his way of scamming me as he will buy a cheap carpet and charge me through the roof for changing it. He will have to pay me back for the cooker in that case…..touché.

He scammed me once before by changing the dates of when the rent was due by asking for the rent two weeks after I paid my monthly rent and then moved the rent forward by a month essentially got 6 weeks rent in one month.

“Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me fool me three times I will publically shame you”, (although he fooled me once he won’t be fooling me again).

These are very challenging times for me and only I can get through this, but I still can blame people for making me feel the way I do.

To top it all I phoned the retailer yesterday to see where my refund was seeing as I had waited five working days and they said there was a ‘system error’ and I have to wait a further five working days.

If I treated my customers the way Blue Chip Companies treat theirs, I would most certainly not have any business left.

No consideration for people’s mental health.

Famous People Suffer From Mental Health.

It just shows even famous A-Listers have demons that they fight within their heads.

I wrote a post about why people do not care and now I can prove the point.

FINAL THOUGHTS!

For me to be treated by my landlord as a third-rate citizen is unforgivable and downright, ignorant and rude with no apology absolutely nothing.

If he was too ill he could have got his assistant to message me, rather than blank me altogether.

Out of courtesy, I would have if I were in his shoes been more transparent, just shows the difference in class of people we are.

My landlord has now caused me to sink into a deep well of depression”.

Because he owns the property he thinks he is better than me.

I on the other hand see it as cheap rent and somewhere to sleep.

I certainly would not call it home.

One day the tables will be turned and he will wish he treated me differently.

“Show respect and you will earn respect”

Sorry if I have ranted on about myself but I find writing my thoughts is a bit like therapy, I am releasing the tension and the anger and sharing it with you.

I am not bothering to contact my landlord again and will see how long it takes him to show his face.

As a paying tenant, I have a right to have a cooker and if I was trying to do him a favor I can essentially insist he re-imburses me including all the takeouts and perished food, not to mention PTSD and compensation for work I could essentially lose because I am too ill to work because of his antics and his cowboy contractors.

“On a scale of 1 feeling fine and 20 feelings really low I am 20 plus at the moment and am feeling extremely anxious as to my Landlords next move.

I personally do not know how he can face me again seeing he ruined my Christmas and I am subjected to takeouts every day at an average cost of £30 per day as I have no other means of cooking”.

https://www.jmw.co.uk/services-for-you/personal-injury/compensation-calculator/head-injury/post-traumatic-stress-disorder

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