Christmas Mental health.
It is nearly this time of year again that I dread. I miss the hustle and bustle of my parents preparing a Christmas Eve dinner where all the family congregated to celebrate Christmas. I miss my parents and my brother. I miss the house we once lived in and I miss the atmosphere and preparations leading up to Christmas and buying presents, wrapping them, and feasting around a twelve-course dinner a Polish Tradition of twelve courses representing the twelve disciples.
Now I am left with just my daughter who has a boyfriend that is not my biggest fan, doing everything he can to avoid talking to me let alone being in the same room as me.
My only surviving close relative is my brother that lives in the USA with his wife and children.
My niece and nephew who are grown-up will fly home to visit their biological mother, but because of my social disconnection disorder, I am finding it hard to leave my house never mind travel to visit them.
Furthermore, Wales is going into lockdown just after Christmas, and no way I am going to go out with sickly people around.
I was once told I was selfish for not having the vaccine, yet what I failed to mention was I have a peg allergy and was advised by the hospital not to have one and have been removed from their list. Sometimes not saying anything is much easier than having to explain yourself.
If there is an ‘Omicron Pandemic’ then all the people that go around spreading germs should be called selfish not me.
No way am I going out until herd immunity has kicked in. This is my choice to work from home and not meet people and am happy just doing Zoom and Skype calls.
Certain people in my network have also asked me what about exercise? advising me to get up early to walk around the lake and back again.
I cannot walk very far because of my bad knee because of the consequences of one person’s actions, a person that kicked my knee 7 times to cause it to dislocate on purpose. Even if I had a good knee I do not have the time to take off (please view an example of my Critical Time Path below).
I have since that unfortunate day had problems walking and am in excruciating pain if I walk or try to bend. Just in case no one has noticed my bad knee it is because I do not whinge or cry like a baby when I am in pain.
My Distant Relatives.
My family in Poland might as well be dead to me as I have no respect for them after a massive family disagreement that involved my abusive ex-partner. I tried being the bigger person and offered an olive branch and not one of them has bothered to reach out to me, which is really sad. This is another story that I will write in my autobiography someday.
I do have family in Mexico but because I am not vaccinated it is going to be virtually impossible for me to visit them (I have a Peg Allergy and Social Disconnection Disorder).
I did try speaking with my GP a few weeks ago but was met by the rottweiler of a practice manager that tried to intimidate me and refused to pass my message on that I needed to speak with the head GP over a complaint where I had written a letter in May 2021 as it had not been answered. She told me GP’s are too busy to correspond, I wrote about GP Negligence in the article here.
So the naysayers will say so why do I not find another GP, well that would mean me going out of my comfort zone and being among sickly people. OCD and GP waiting rooms do not work well.
Don’t get me wrong I am ok, I do find Christmas rather depressing but how I see it, it is just another day with no meaning anymore.
I try to avoid talking to people on a social scale because why should I pretend to be happy this time of year when I am not. Nobody can possibly understand how I feel if they have not walked in my shoes.
I have experienced grief, of the most unimaginable kind.
No one has a right to judge me or give their advice if they are not professionals or experts in the field of psychology.
I have tried getting more help perhaps upping my medication but my GP surgery is as helpful as a chocolate fireguard. My email snippet can be viewed below, which was ignored:
Will I sue them for the negligence, of course, I will but first I have to get Christmas out of the way.
I won’t say I hate my life, it could be better with my mental health and I believe it will be with my self-help therapy no thanks to the NHS may I add.
I have found a purpose in life and am on my way to getting everything I desire. Once I achieve all my goals God help anyone that tried to stand in my way.
I find writing my thoughts down is therapeutic as well as scripting positive thoughts.
If anything I will treat myself to a fancy Christmas Dinner delivered by “Deliveroo” and maybe watch a film or two, no point cooking for one.
I stay away from alcohol as it got me into a lot of trouble no end of times when I got drunk in the past and now I want to preserve my precious brain cells rather than suffer from a thumping headache the day after. I do not see the sense of drinking and getting drunk and wasting money on something my body will dispense down the toilet.
Currently, I am feeling a little low, I have my worries and anxieties, just like most people this time of year, and am trying to work through them.
I also have a demonic cat that does nothing for my mental health and keeps me up all night long. He does not belong to me and is my daughters’. I am extremely tired because he constantly meows or tries to break the door down if I lock him in a room. God Only Knows what the neighbors must think?
I am doing my best to not give in or give up, although I have been very close to hanging up my apron strings on more than one occasion in the past, I know if I persevere I will get to where I am going.
At the moment I am like a modern-day Howard Huges (I may not be as bad as him, I certainly do not sit naked in front of my computer 🤣😂 but I do have a problem with germs, may I add OCD is not a laughing matter) it does not stop me from working, and following my dreams but on my own terms.
I will just like last year have my chat open throughout the Christmas period just in case anyone is feeling low and wants someone to talk to. I will also announce it on my front and on all my social media networks.
Yes, life can be a shit show but if you find something positive to do and can focus on, you can start to create a better life for yourself. There are plenty of opportunities if you know where to look.
Everyone has a story to tell, and am eager to hear yours…
Drop Me A Message Using the Form Below or Start A Chat.
I will have Chat Open Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, Boxing Day, New Year’s Eve, and News Day, just in case someone is feeling low.
Wishing Everyone a Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, and a Prosperous New Year 2022!
#christmasloneliness #christmasdepression #christmasmentalhealth