Have you ever doubted yourself and felt you are not good enough?
Have you ever had some one call you a fake or looked at you like your unreal?
Sometimes we have an element of self-doubt and may actually believe we are not good enough because of other people’s perceptions of us.
Have you ever felt like you don’t belong or had someone point the finger?
Our world is surrounded by people-pleasing. If people believe in you it gives you a feeling of euphoria and gives you encouragement.
However, there will always be people for whatever their reasons may troll you, say negative things about you, or simply make you feel less confident about yourself.
It could be you are a student and the popular kids gang up on you as you feel you cannot fit in, it’s their perception, not yours or it could be people at work who may say sarcastic comments or derogatory remarks in which you then start to doubt yourself.
We all try to do our best but if our best is not always good enough we may get judged.
People are very competitive and want to be like the Jones’s. So if you look like you do not fit in people tend to judge. It s the judging that can make you question your abilities. Just because your neighbor has a nice house lovely garden and top of the range car, they could be indeed very deep in debt and faking it and have no money in the bank, yet you who on the other hand may have less materialistic things to show but may have gold bullion or hundreds of thousands stock market shares.
People’s ability to analyze a person on their looks or what they own could be so further from the truth and people should not judge a book by its cover. Just because your neighbor goes to work all dressed up in their flashy suit whilst you go to work in a jeans and t-shirt does not make you a lesser of a person. It’s the achievements you have succeeded in that will tell you apart.
Do not listen to what other people say. If you are a success no one can take that away from you.
Imposter syndrome depends on the strength of your mind, if enough people call you a fake or a fraud you start believing it, yet you have the ability to overturn those intrusive thoughts.
The same goes in abusive relationships when the narcissist tries to brainwash you into thinking you are not good enough and that you will not amount to much. The feeling you are losing control of your own beliefs because of someone else’s opinion can actually make you feel very insecure.
The feeling you experience is known as imposter syndrome. Psychologists often call it the impostor phenomenon. It is estimated that 70% of people experience these feelings of lack of confidence at some point in their lives. According to a review article published in the International Journal of Behavioral Science, imposter syndrome affects all people from all walks of life.
The thought you are a failure and not good enough manifests in our minds and makes us feel like we are a fraud especially if you hear it from people that try to discredit us.
What is impostor syndrome?
If someone tries to discredit you, you start to have self-doubt and only believe you will succeed because of luck, rather than talent or knowledge, experience, or qualifications, this can be problematic. If you believe that you are unlucky your chances of succeeding are decreased because of your own beliefs.
We need to re-wire our brains that we are good enough and that someone else’s opinion is their opinion and not yours or the rest of the world. People are far too often very judgemental and speak their minds which could cause the victim to feel less confident about themselves.
I was once was called a fraud by someone who tried discrediting me in court because I was called in as an ‘expert witness and he had a lot to lose due to a divorce hearing. I started to feel insecure (not because I did not know what I was talking about or the knowledge I had of my profession) but the fear of what people would think of me, based on the defendant’s outbursts. I remember I had stage fright and my cerebellar atrophy blocked out certain words which on the spot I could not answer (that did not mean that I did not know them). I am an author on the subject and manage several blogs and my report was prepared meticulously yet the defendant tried to discredit me and to make himself look better. If anything he was the fake and fraudster for claiming he was an expert registering crap domain names that had no SEO value, but I digress. He then contradicted himself and asked me to help him sell them, so if I was so useless and unprofessional at my job why would he have even bothered asking me?, as you can imagine I refused his offer, and as soon as I got home blocked him from every social media platform. This was my way of regaining control of the situation. Enough said let sleeping dogs lie.
Impostor syndrome was first identified in 1978 by psychologists Pauline Rose Clance and Suzanne Imes. In their finding and the paper they wrote, their theory was that only women were uniquely affected by impostor syndrome.
However since then and with more research, studies have found that both men and women experience impostor feelings, and Clance published a later paper acknowledging that impostor syndrome is not limited to women. (She also created an impostor syndrome test.) Today, impostor syndrome can apply to anyone “who isn’t able to internalize and own their successes,” says psychologist Audrey Ervin.
Impostor syndrome expert Valerie Young, who is the author of a book on the subject, The Secret Thoughts of Successful Women, has also found patterns in people who experience impostor feelings:
“Perfectionists” set extremely high standards for themselves and others, and even if they meet 99% of their goals, they’re going to feel like failures. Any small mistake will make them question their own competence.
“Experts” feel the need to know to devour every piece of information on a subject before they start a project and constantly look for new certifications or training to improve their skills. They won’t apply for a job if they don’t meet all the criteria in the posting, and they might be hesitant to ask a question in class or speak up in a meeting at work because they’re afraid of looking stupid if they don’t already know the answer.
“Independent people are also known as Soloists” feel they have to accomplish tasks on their own and are reluctant to ask for help. Asking for help gives the perception that you are in some way weak, that you cannot figure it out on your own. This then may make people think they are a fake or fraud which in turn makes them think less of you.
People such as narcissists need to feel the need to succeed in all aspects of life regardless if it is at work, or as parents, or as partners. The feeling they need to be in constant full control can cause them to feel anxiety if their goals are not met which could lead them to be abusive and belittling just to regain some power.
Learning abilities and Auto Immune Disorders.
People who have learning disabilities or autoimmune disorders may have hidden talents and people cannot be characterized as fake or frauds if there are underlining issues. The person in question may actually be capable of completing assignments but in their unique ways. We cannot judge someone by their disabilities. A prime example would be Stephen William Hawking CH CBE FRS FRSA who was an English theoretical physicist, cosmologist, and author who was director of research at the Centre for Theoretical Cosmology at the University of Cambridge at the time of his death, yet he suffered from Amyotrophic lateral sclerosis or ALS is one of several types of motor neuron diseases. This did not make him into a lesser person and he persevered against all odds and was a world-renowned genius, who is recognized in his field for his accomplishments all over the world.
People who tend to struggle to recite things or work hard to accomplish things tend to makes themselves feel they aren’t even good enough that they are failures. Their brain tells them that’s proof they’re an impostor. This is psychological and has nothing to do with other people’s perceptions of you.
Have you heard the expression “fake it till you make it”? that is such bad advice as you should never portray to be someone you are not. If for example you are a web designer but cannot code if your life depended on it do not go saying you are one. The same goes for any industry you cannot fake your way to becoming a doctor or dentist you need qualifications for that. Never fake it till you make it, as people will soon see the cracks when you fail to do your job properly. You also stand to give your industry a bad name if you pretend to be a professional but in reality, you are a cowboy. Not only will you be seen in a bad light and bad reviews spread like wildfire you could also potentially cause someone to lose money because of your incompetence. “Never fake it till you make it”.
Why do people experience impostor syndrome?
People experience imposter syndrome because of uncertainties and insecurities in their lives, although there is no single definitive answer. Some experts believe it has to do with personality traits—like anxiety or neuroticism—while others focus on family or behavioral causes. Sometimes childhood memories can cause a person to suffer from imposter syndrome because of experiencing low grades in school and being judged or scolded by parents and peers. Favoritism also can play a crucial role where the parents favor a brighter sibling over them, which could inevitably impact the child’s behavioral patterns later on in life. The thought of being praised and appreciated and the longing for success is a vicious circle because if people are constantly criticized eventually they start doubting themselves and start believing they are not good enough and therefore they believe they are fakes or frauds.
Re-Wiring Our Minds.
We should believe in ourselves and not be bothered by what others think of us. We should stop worrying and procrastinating. Who cares about some other person’s opinion of you. You owe nothing to them. If someone judges you, it is because they want to make them feel better about themselves. We know what we have achieved and what we can accomplish and just because others do not agree with you, that’s their problem, not yours. A person is not defined by someone else’s opinion, a person is defined at what they have achieved.
” A seed grows with no sound but a tree falls with huge noise. destruction has noise, but creation is quiet. The power of silence. Grow Silently. Confucious.
Do not let anyone stand in your way. Embrace constructive criticism and learn from critique. No one can take away your knowledge. Other people’s personal opinions of you do not matter when they try to break you down. Build an invisible wall and let the noise deafen their ears and not yours.