Category: Setting Goals

Coping With Life When You Are Disabled.

Copying With life When You Are Disabled.

I have this methology “if life gives you lemons, make lemonade”. I am not the type of person to whinge and moan, I just make the most of what I have and try to get on with it.

I always keep myself busy and set goals. However my physical and mental disabilities are obstacles that daily I have to get round.

My OCD is by far one of my prominent disabilities and have designed a quarantined cocoon area where only I have access to. This area allows me to be free of any anxieties that I would have in the normal environment. I have adopted this practice to save cleaning my whole home from top to bottom day in and day out. Believe me I used to clean from top to bottom every single day until I realised I was wasting valuable time doing something else.

Keeping myself busy does help to block out intrusive thoughts to a certain degree. I am the worlds worse for critising myself. I try to brain train to reason with myself that what I do is ridiculous and out of character to normal people, but it all is related to stress, anxiety and depression. Depending how stress I am under will depend how well my day will be. If I am super stressed, I find that I cannot concentrate and even do minuscule tasks.

My OCD is germ contamination related and I am even more conscious of my surrounding and the things that I touch. I dislike people visting me and visa versa. I prefer not to go out, hence I am not going out any time soon pandemic regulations or not.

I actually wrote an article on my other blog about germ awareness and cross contamination: https://marketingagency.cymrumarketing.com/2021/02/16/saliva-and-mail-cross-contamination-of-germs/

As for my other disabilities:

  • Cerebellar Atrophy (I lose my balance or grip and muddle my words up especially when I write, I also have mental blocks).
  • OCD (I am aware of germ cross contimination and and am careful what I touch).
  • Social Disconnection (I prefer my own company and not go out and socialise, although we can’t anyway but you get my drift).
  • PTSD (I have flashbacks of the physical and mental trauma I endured in the past and certain things trigger my depression).
  • Clinical Depression (This is related to past physical and mental trauma I endured, in which there are days where I go to a dark place).
  • Rheumatoid Arthritis (I cannot bend my knee, again from past physical trauma/abuse).
  • Dysphagia (I sometimes choke of food, I get a painful feeling followed by trouble swallowing and breathing and only when the food is dislodged does the feeling subside, gross I know but what can I do? I have been told I could have surgery but there is no gauarantee that it would work. I am not going to go under the knife for anything, I can tell you that for sure).
  • Epidural Analgesia (Chronic Back Pain, even bending down to feed the cat makes my back spasm, the same goes if I am standing for excessive length of time I have shooting pains from the small of my back to the nape of my neck. Simple taskes like taking out the rubbish or bringing in the grocery shopping has brought tears to my eyes in the past).

So yes I have good days and bad days but I do not dwell on my ailments and try to live the best way I can. I adapt to around my disabilities. Fortuantely for me I offer digital services so I can do 100% of my work online and do not have to venture out.

Stress and worry are contributing factors to my OCD, PTSD, Depression and Social Disconnection.

  • Getting headaches (I have regular headaches)
  • Having stomach cramps (I have a bad stomach most days, but that can be from drinking energy drinks to keep me awake).
  • Not being able to sleep (I find my medication helps me sleep but it takes a few hours for me to wind down, hence I watch a film or play a game, I also read books from time to time).
  • Feeling pains in your chest (I do not get them often but when I do it is scary as I have also experienced jaw ache and shooting pain down my left arm in the past). I have had an ecg scan done and the doctor said there was nothing wrong, yet the same doctor also prescribed antacid ‘Gaviscon’ to my daughter even though she was later diagnosed with MS after I admitted her into A&E.
  • Having constant worring (If I do not keep myself busy I do worry hence I try to keep my mind occupied all the time). Worrying only makes your health deteriorate and although life struggles can get in the way of your happiness, one needs to find a way to tackle the problem we are faced with, rather than sweep them under the carpet. Confronting your inner demons makes you stronger. Sometimes simply writing down your problems is the first step to dealing with whatever is on your mind. Talking to a friend or family member also helps but for me expessing my emotions in the form of a blog is theraputic in itself.
  • Having panic attacks (I only get these if I have to meet negative people). People that judge or critise, you know the people I am talking about or if I have a deadline in work or something that I have seen or heard that has triggered the onset of sheer panic. However for most part I am organised and know to how to avoid trigger warnings, so panic attacks are subdued.
  • Feeling shortness of breath, (I only get this if I cannot swallow due to my Dysphagia or at times when I have in the past been in distress, due to the trauma and abuse I endured).
  • Having mood swings with friends or family (I avoid socialising so no one knows my moods and no one can be on the tail end if I do have a bad day).
  • Finding it hard to feel happy (Continuously reassuring myself and staying positive that what I am doing will eventually change my life for the better, is enough to motivate me to get up and tackle every day tasks).

Although I was going to do a daily/weekly journal of my health, I am not able to do so at present as I have many projects I am working on and simply do not have the time, but I always try to strive to stay focused and optimistic that tomorrow will be a better day.

Obviously adopting a healthy lifestyle can help with coping with life struggles, such as:

  • Regular Exercise
  • Breathing Exercise
  • Meditation
  • Eating Healthily
  • Brain Training
  • Learning New Things
  • Staying Focused
  • Being Organised
  • Setting Goals
  • Time Management
  • Avoiding Negative People
  • Learning to Trust People
  • Motivation
  • Talking to Family and Friends About Your Troubles
  • Discussing your Problems with Professionals, Health, Finance, Relationships etc

Final Thoughts!

I am a disabled entrepreneur and I have created a business round my disabilities. The way I saw it when I first started out, I would not fit in or be accepted in a normal working enviroment and I am the most happiest I have ever been for a long time doing what I do and it works for me. So the way I see it is my disabilities are a blessing in disguise, as I would not be where I am today without them.

I avoid negative judgemental people especially if they have power trips (Trolls especially that have nothing better to do than try an bring a person down, these get immediately blocked).

As for me I will help anyone that genuinely needs my help. I am very good at analysing people and situations and I am very astute.

Stay safe, stay focused and stay motivated, nothing stays the same forever unless you let it…

Lack of Motivation.

Lack of Motivation.

Lack of Motivation.

I do not know about you but I have days sometimes where I feel so deflated. I was talking about this with my daughter who said some days she feels she does not want to get out of bed. Or she wants to go to the Bahamas on her own. Not all of us can go to the Bahamas at a drop of a hat and some of us have obligations and commitments, so although the idea sounds appealing I am staying put for the time being.

Today is one of those days, I feel I just want to waste my time watching Amazon Prime Videos all day.

I do not drink alcohol, only on social occasions and this year there is nothing social about it. My OCD will not permit me going to Pubs which are open in Wales. Its unfortunate that our neighbour England is on lockdown again, but it is what it is and has to be done.

This got me thinking as I am very active on LinkedIn and a top recruiting firm in the UK, the CEO announced he was feeling not so motivated. He also said he was living alone which got me thinking how many other people are in the same boat and are contemplating their navals.

Life is full of obstacles and we need to find ways to train our brains that what ever is happening to us is just temporary and we have the power to change the situation.

If you have recently lost your job and are struggling to find work, what you do is create a job and be your own boss.

If your good with writing look for copy writing or data entry jobs. They are self employed positions.

You must promote yourself and your brand, no one will know you exist unless you tell them.

If you have a craft and are creative put your creativity online.

How about setting up your own ecommerce store and start dropshipping. With the current situation we are in, most people shop online.

Start a blog and do affiliate marketing. You need to create your blog first though before being approved for these programs.

What ever is going on with your life start being creative and start writng things down including all the pros and cons.

Start a dream board and focus on your goals.

Meditate and manifest your dream into reality.

My lack of motivation would disappoint my readers because if I did not write a post or two I would be letting people down.

I have gone too far now to give up.

I manage my clients blogs as well as my own so I have plenty of work to keep me busy.

But some days I feel sad because everything I do is not happening fast enough my goals seem so distant, but I know if I persevere I will get there in the end.

Motivation is the process that makes us initiates an action, whether it is getting up to go to the kitchen to researching and gaining knowledge online.

Our time is precious and should not be wasted. By learning something new, we are gaining knowlege which is more valuable than money or gold.

Motivation is defined by biological, emotional, social, and cognitive factors that activate our behavior.

Types of Motivation

There are two different types of motivation which are frequently described as being either extrinsic or intrinsic:

Extrinsic motivations are those that arise from outside our control and may involve rewards such as trophies, money, social recognition, or praise.

Intrinsic motivations are motivations that are from someone doing something off their own back like playing a game or completing a crossword puzzle purely for the personal gratification of problem solving.

Persistance.

When you set goals unless you follow them through you will not successed. You need to stay focused and need to be persistant.

Impact

Simply having the desire to accomplish something is not always enough. In order to achieve such a goal requires uou to follow it thorugh and not give up, the ability to persist through obstacles and endurance to keep going in spite of difficulties.

There are three major factors to motivation: activation, persistence, and intensity.

Activation involves the decision to start a specific task.

Persistence is the persisting effort towards a goal even though there may be obstacles.

Intensity is the ability to stay focused and concentrate into pursuing a goal.

You need to remember when you set your goals daily that you reward yourself for completing the task. You could do this at the end of the day, week or month. If you do not know how to reward yourself pay yoursef some money or treat yourself to something. By paying yourself and putting it into a seperate bank account you will be suprised how much money you make if your are persistant.

My downfall ten years ago was I did not know how to train my brain and was reckless with money. I was spiralling out of control was not fouced about my life and was living in cloud cuckoo land. I had no goals and felt my life had ended. It is only in the last five years I have done a lot of soul searching and gained a lot of knowledge online and its if the starter gun had been triggered because there is no stopping me now other than my mental health issues. But if I keep myself busy I have less time to think and less time to feel sorry for myself.

As for my financial habits I have now found a way to budget my money for everything and do not spend more that I need to. There ar plenty of money budget tools online but I use a simple word table and make it colourful. You could also do an excel spreadsheet.

So by doing this blog I am not just helping my readers I am also helping myself.

Tips

Everyone experience fluctuations in their motivation and willpower.

Sometimes we may feel highly driven and other times we may feel listless or unsure of what they want or how to achieve it.

If you feel low and simply have no energy, there are steps you can take that will keep you moving forward.

Some things you can do include:

  1. Take baby steps, just so one thing as I have done today with this post.
  2. If you have a big project that is too overwhelming, break it up into smaller projects.
  3. Have plenty of exercise and sleep.
  4. Change your diet and eat healthy
  5. Find Mentors.
  6. Do some networking.
  7. Remind yourself about your achievements in the past and what where your strengths lie.
  8. If there is something worrying you write it down do some reseach how to combat it.
  9. Talk to a friend or family member or on a group or forum, anywhere where someone is willing to listen and give advice.
  10. Take a bit of time out to do something else, knowing you always have your goal to come back to.
  11. Do not procrastinate, you have to believe in yourself even sometimes when no one else does.
  12. Create a Dream Board of all the goals you want to acheive in the next 5 year to 10 years.
  13. Meditate and envisge your goals manifesting.
  14. Reward yourself.
  15. Pamper yourself or if your a guy groom yourself.

Final Thoughts.

Do little things to make you life better and eventually you will make your confidence grow. Sometimes we have to start with ourselves and do a bit of soul searching and learn to love ourselves before we can find the power to prosper.

A seedling needs to be cared for on a daily basis before it gows into an oak tree!

Imposter Syndrome

Have you ever doubted yourself and felt you are not good enough?

Have you ever had some one call you a fake or looked at you like your unreal?

Sometimes we have an element of self doubt and may actually believe we are not good enough because of other people perceptions of us.

Have you ever felt like you don’t belong or had someone point the finger?

Our world is surrounded by people pleasing. If people believe in you it gives you a feeling of euphoria and gives you encouragement.

However there will always be people for what ever their reasons may troll you, say negaitive things about you or simply make you feel less confident about yourself.

https://www.linkedin.com/posts/robmoore1979_instead-of-hating-the-critics-the-trolls-activity-6726845120483729409-zb5B

It could be you are a student and the popular kids gang up on you as you feel you cannot fit in, its their perception not yours or it could be people at work may say sarcastic comments or derogatory remarks in which you then start to doubt yourself.

We all try to do our best but if our best is not always good enough we may get judged.

People are very competitive and want to be like the Jones’s. So if you look like you do not fit in people tend to judge. It s the judging that can make you question your abilities. Just because your neighbour has a nice house lovely garden and top of the range car, they could be in deed very deep in debt and faking it and have no money in the bank, yet you who on the other hand may have less materialistic things to show but may have gold bullion or hundreds of thousands stock market shares.

Peoples ability to analyse a person on their looks or what they own could be so further from the truth and people should not judge a book by its cover. Just because your neighbour goes to work all dressed up in their flashy suit whilst you go to work in a jeans and t-shirt does not make you a lesser of a person. It’s the achievements you have succeeded in that will tell you apart.

Do not listen to what other people say. If you are a success no one can take that away from you.

Imposter syndrome depends on the strength of your mind, if enough people call you a fake or a fraud you start believing it, yet you have the ability to overturn those intrusive thoughts.

The same goes in abusive relationships when the narcissist tries to brain wash you into thinking you are not good enough and that you will not amount to much. The feeling you are loosing control of your own beliefs because of someone elses opinion can actually make you feel very insecure.

The feeling you experience is known as imposter syndrome. Psychologists often call it impostor phenomenon. It is estimated that 70% of people experience these feelings of lack of confidence at some point in their lives. According to a review article published in the International Journal of Behavioral Science, imposter syndrome affects all people from all walks of life.

The thought you are a failure and not good enough manifests in our minds and makes us feel like we are a fraud especially if you hear it from people that try to discredit us.

What is impostor syndrome?

If someone tries to discredit you, you start to have self doubt and only believe you will succeed because of luck, rather than talent or knowledge, experience or qualifications, this can be problematic. If you believe that you are unlucky your chances of succeeding are decreased because of your own beliefs.

We need to re-wire our brains that we are good enough and that someone elses opinion is their opinion and not yours or the rest of the worlds. People are far too often very judgemental and speak their minds which could cause the victim to feel less confindent about themeselves.

I was once was called a fraud by someone who tried discrediting me in court because I was called in as a ‘expert witness’ and he had a lot to loose due to a divorce hearing. I started to feel insecure (not because I did not know what I was talking about or the knowledge I had of my profession) but the fear of what people would think of me, based on the defendants outbursts. I remember I had stage fright and my cerebellar atrophy blocked out certain words which on the spot I could not answer (that did not mean that I did not know them). I am an author on the subject and manage several blogs and my report was prepared meticulously yet the defendant tried to discredit me and to make himself look better. If anything he was the fake and fraudster for claiming he was an expert registering crap domain names that had no SEO value, but I digress. He then contradicted himself and asked me to help him sell them, so if I was so useless and unprofessional at my job why would he have even bothered asking me?, as you can imagine I refused his offer and as soon as I got home blocked him from every social media platform. This was my way of regaining control of the situation. Enough said let sleeping dogs lie.

Impostor syndrome was first identified in 1978 by psychologists Pauline Rose Clance and Suzanne Imes. In their finding and their paper they wrote, their theory was that only women were uniquely affected by impostor syndrome.

https://paulineroseclance.com/impostor_phenomenon.html

However since then and with more research, studies have found that both men and women experience impostor feelings, and Clance published a later paper acknowledging that impostor syndrome is not limited to women. (She also created an impostor syndrome test.) Today, impostor syndrome can apply to anyone “who isn’t able to internalize and own their successes,” says psychologist Audrey Ervin.

Impostor syndrome expert Valerie Young, who is the author of a book on the subject, The Secret Thoughts of Successful Women, has also found patterns in people who experience impostor feelings:

“Perfectionists” set extremely high standards for themselves and others, and even if they meet 99% of their goals, they’re going to feel like failures. Any small mistake will make them question their own competence.


“Experts” feel the need to know to devour every piece of information on a subject before they start a project and constantly look for new certifications or trainings to improve their skills. They won’t apply for a job if they don’t meet all the criteria in the posting, and they might be hesitant to ask a question in class or speak up in a meeting at work because they’re afraid of looking stupid if they don’t already know the answer.


“Independant people also known as Soloists” feel they have to accomplish tasks on their own, and are reluctant to ask for help. Asking for help gives the perception that you are in someway weak, that you cannot figure it out on your own. This then may make people think they are a fake or fraud which in turn makes them think less of you.

People such as narcissists need to feel the need to success in all aspects of life regardless if it is at work, or as parents, or partners. The feeling they need to be in constant full control can cause them to feel anxiety if their goals are not met which could lead them to being abusive and belittling just to regain some power.

Learning abilities and Auto Immune Disorders.

People who have learning disabilites or auto immune disorders may have hidden talents and people cannot be characterised as fake or frauds if there are underlining issues. The person in question may actually be capable of completing assignments but in their unique ways. We cannot judge some one by their disabilities. A prime example would be Stephen William Hawking CH CBE FRS FRSA who was an English theoretical physicist, cosmologist, and author who was director of research at the Centre for Theoretical Cosmology at the University of Cambridge at the time of his death, yet he suffered with Amyotrophic lateral sclerosis or ALS is one of several types of motor neurone diseases. This did not make him into a lesser person and he persevered against all odds and was a world renowned genius, whom is recognised in his field for his accomplishments all over the world.

People who tend to struggle to recite things or work hard to accomplish things tend to makes themselves feel they aren’t ever good enough that they are failures. Their brain tells them that’s proof they’re an impostor. This is psychological and has nothing to do with other peoples perceptions of you.

Have you heard the expression “fake it till you make it”?, that is such bad advise as you should never portray to be someone you are not. If for example you are a web designers but cannot code if your life dependend on it do not go saying you are one. The same goes for any industry you cannot fake your way to becoming a doctor or dentist you need qualifications for that. Never fake it till you make it, as people will soon see the cracks when you fail to do your job properly. You also stand to give your industry a bad name if you pretend to be a professional but in reality you are a cowboy. Not only will you be seen in bad light and bad reviews spread like wildfire you could also potentially cause someone to loose money because of your incompetence. “Never fake it till you make it”.

Why do people experience impostor syndrome?

People experience imposter syndrome because of uncertainties and insecurities in their lives, although there is no single definative answer. Some experts believe it has to do with personality traits—like anxiety or neuroticism—while others focus on family or behavioral causes. Sometimes childhood memories can cause a person to suffer with imposter syndrome because of experiencing low grades in school and being judged or scolded by parents and peers. Favouritism also can play a crucial role where the parents favour a more brighter sibling over them, which could inevitably impact the childs behavourial patterns later on in life. The thought of being praised and appreciated and the longing of success is a viscious circle because if people are contastantly critisied eventually they start doubting themselves and start believing they are not good enough and therefore they believe they are fakes or frauds.

Re-Wiring Our Minds.

We should believe in ourselves and not be bothered what others think of us. We should stop worrying and procrastinating. Who cares about some other person’s opinion of you. You owe nothing to them. If someone judges you it is because they want to make them feel better about themselves. We know what we have achieved and what we can accomplish and just because others do not agree with you, thats their problem not yours. A person is not defined by someone elses opinion, a person is defind at what they have achieved.

” A seed grows with no sound but a tree falls with huge noise. destruction has noise, but creation is quiet. The power of silence. Grow Silently. Confucious.

Do not let anyone stand in your way. Embrace constructive critisism and learn from critique. No one can take away your knowledge. Other people’s personal opinions of you do not matter when they try to break you down. Build an invisibible wall and let the noise deafen their ears and not yours.