Category: Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (Page 1 of 2)

Renata’s Online Journal.

My Online Journal is my safe space where I can share my stories and vent. I do not always write negatively but of late I have noticed blue-chip corporations treating people badly so not only is this my online therapy it also is a voice for people who cannot or do not know how to stand up for themselves.

Dear Diary,

I have not made an entry here for a while and yesterday was the ideal time to do some journaling and spill the beans.

The morning started out with me phoning all my insurance providers as I had deleted some direct debits in error. I suffer from cognitive impairment caused by cerebellum atrophy and sometimes muddle my words up. The words can be very overwhelming for me at times. Being stressed does not help and where I should have canceled one insurance policy, I actually canceled three. As it turns out the other two direct debits were obsolete, but still having to phone all nine companies was challenging.

The other problem I have is dreading talking over the phone so when I tried to rectify the problem via email I was point-blank declined and was told to call. The calling is not so bad but it listening to the prompts Press #1 for what you had for breakfast Press #2 what you had for lunch and #Press #3 just to annoy you more (just kidding) although I have been subjected to up to 4 minutes of this from various companies before the annoying music starts playing. God forbid if your call drops and you have to start all the BS all over again.

Insurers do not make it easy, so although you may take out insurance by a said insurer the underwriters a separate company collect payment. So there could be the same underwriter for multiple insurers which can make it difficult when trying to find out who is who. I have done a spreadsheet so that I do not get caught out again, but by the 9th insurer I had enough, yet my day was only starting.

I then got an email from British Gas that they needed me to phone them to set up a direct debit. I have anxiety about talking over the phone to people. The term used is Telephobia, but I bit the bullet and phoned them. I got to speak to someone who at first came across as slightly condescending when she thought I was unemployed with mental disabilities, (people confuse mental disabilities with stupidity on the contrary Albert Einstien, Nikola Tesla, and Charles Darwin to name a few all had mental disabilities (OCD – Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) ) so it was a shock to her when I mentioned this site. She then changed her tune and was more understanding and helpful going as far as giving me some links and recommending that I contact some of the links she had provided.

What rattled me was, that I was paying £65 at the beginning of the year then it went up to £90, and yesterday she wanted £138 per month. I was told I use more gas than the average household. The way I see it regardless if I did not use any gas at all, I still would have to pay for the service. I am not going to reduce the quality of my life and sit at home freezing cold. or only cook once a week. If a person is struggling to pay £90 then how the hell are they supposed to find the money to pay £138?

“A little bit of maths and common sense would not go a miss“.

“What are people supposed to do, do they have to rob banks or starve”?

Our PM is allegedly dragging his heels at helping the UK with the rise in the cost of living yet he is quick to give support to Sweden and Finland. Yet coming from a privedged upbringing he has never had any worries about where his next paycheck is going to come from or about putting food on the table. Living in a home that was decorated from private donations and wallpaper at £840 per roll he will never understand how the other half lives. His wallpaper is ugly just saying and I would not pay £1 per roll let alone £840.

https://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/politics/boris-johnson-wallpaper-flat-refurb-b1850209.html

Someone on LinkedIn commented “that charity starts a home”, but what she failed to comprehend was the support in the event of a military attack on these countries will be money in BJs / Chancellor of the Exchequers Pockets so to speak. W#ar is big business at the expense of the people. How do you accumulate wealth if you do not lend money or charge interest on the money you lend out? This is how the money system works. If you lone out jets, sell ballistic and nuclear missiles you have to get paid and its one big game of the winner takes it all.

I do not support the funding of the lavish lifestyles of the 1% that think they own us and rob us blind. I never agreed to slaving away, did you?

No one owns me. I have a voice and I am not afraid to use it!

I am a spiritual being in a physical body and we are here for a reason and it is to teach others, empower and motivate and not steal, abuse, or kill, we are supposed to be intelligent human beings, not animals.

We should be able to distinguish right from wrong and if the likes of P#tin who orders the mass killings then he is no better than something that has just crawled out of a sewer. These people are vermin.

In fact, any person in power that has done wrong should be punished the same way as a member of public and should also be kicked out of office, I refer to certain politicians, that got a slap on the wrist and fines, for their publicised antics.

There is a Scottish MP trending at the moment that allegedly had £25 Million in Funding For PPE that supposedly ended up being used due to it not being of high quality and was returned. This MP is now being investigated.

Just imagine if this was the average entrepreneur that had done this, they would be facing a custodial sentence for fraud, but I guess if you own 6 houses (one in Belgravia in London) you have enough money to pay for a jail-free card on the monopoly board.

I spoke about a previous post about why people do not care and the customer representative said that people do care and that she cared (no they don’t unless it directly affects them). She then asked could she help me with anything else and I said “help me bring in more clients”, the call then ended without any feedback on my remark…I rest my case!

Reference the money she expected me to agree to I said I will pay, but will not be able to eat and the CEO of British Gas will certainly not have a problem bringing food to the table whilst I will and this is where she started to be sympathetic.

Frustration

I got my frustration out, if nothing else, and told her she was professional and had a calming voice, I just did not mention the fact she made me feel bad at the beginning of the conversation as what would have been the point. I felt had I not mentioned I am self-employed the conversation would have been slightly different.

If you have watched the video “The Hidden Secrets Of Money” By Mike Maloney”, you will start to realize this is one big game of monopoly with the Blue Chip Companies at the top of the food chain STEALING our prosperity.

“The is a Great Reset Looming on the Horizon”.

Do you think it is by chance this P#tin W#ar has broken out or is it something to do with the deficit spending and all the price rises? Have you forgotten about Brexit and how much money UK is in debt by and how much money they have to pay back, never mind the trade w#ar in China and the USA. Putting the jigsaw pieces together can you not see a picture emerging?

These blue-chip companies get a 6% commission for our sweat, labor, and hardship. Do you think that the dictator started the w#ar himself or was it pre-arranged at the round table, by a selected few?

People at the top of the food chain seem to think they own and control you and in a way they do.

An example of a battery in the matrix was Virgin Media which I have for months had an ongoing dispute again I have communicated by email and have told them not to phone me and what do they do? they only phone even though I specifically requested not to. What was interesting though my phone was on “do not disturb” but they managed to get through and the phone rang. I re-iterated how much emotional distress they put me through and I am still no closer to a resolution as the email I was promised I would have, never materialized.

So you can imagine the poor sod on the other end of the line receiving my wrath and me saying “if you read my email do you not understand English”, his reply was he was ordered by someone above him to phone me and my final reply was that he obviously did not have the balls to stand up to the person. Most people are afraid of speaking up in the workplace for the fear of being fired. People go to work like sheep to get their paychecks the majority do not go to work because they love the company that employs them they are solely there to do a job and get paid. They are human robots being told what to do. Their “VOICE” in the metaphorical sense of the word is taken away, they are slaves to the employer for the hours they work.

Anxiety & Panic Attack.

The day continued with my brother telling me that he is coming over to the UK at Christmas. Under normal circumstances, I should be ecstatic but I am having a panic attack simply thinking about it.

I have not left my home for three years due to social disconnection and OCD, actually, tell a lie I went out once to meet him last year for the day and I felt so ill after that but he was oblivious to my disability. He told me that I have to arrange my schedule and my work around him. He told me we will be talking this weekend coming.

Notice how my disability and my work are of no significance to him and I have to just get over myself.

The icing on the cake was the final straw that broke the camel’s back so to speak with my neighbor announcing she is moving within the month. she without a doubt had to be the nicest neighbor I have ever had, she was always kind, and caring and never did me wrong. I will miss her.

I do believe nothing standstills and when one door closes another one opens so although I felt very depressed yesterday with low self-esteem. That was yesterday though and your mood can change if you stay occupied and not dwell on what is bothering you. I am hopeful about tomorrow and about brighter things to come. I am fortunate I have an online journal to vent my anger which I can share with whoever wants to read my challenges. I did come across a website called (www.storiboard.co.uk) not mine may I add but a portal to share your stories.

Telling Your Story.

Anyone reading this who wants a platform to share their stories is more than welcome to subscribe here and I will make you a contributor or will manually upload your stories for you. It won’t cost you a penny only your time, it is completely free.

Domestic Violence.

I have gone through a lot over the last two decades (I won’t go into it all here but I am a ‘survivor of domestic violence‘ and and this is what drives me to tell my story) I won’t say I am strong all the time. I have good days and bad days and yesterday was a bad day for me but I know I will get over it. I am still standing and I won’t let anyone break me, sure they can try but when they knock me down and I get back up again so help me God.

I will be writing my biography soon and I will be calling out all the people that have done me wrong. Don’t misunderstand me, I am not awkward or vengeful, I just think some people deserve their five minutes of fame.

Superiority.

No one on this planet is better than you, we all do the same things, we eat, sleep and go to the bathroom, and we all cannot survive without water or air. We all have red blood and if Adam and Eve were the first people, then their children would have been inbred so we are all brothers and sisters. The world is an evil place with evil people living in it trying to suck the last ounce of happiness out of you. They should be very worried about what happens to them after they die. Just because some use 24kt Gold WCs does not make them any better than you. We all have the right to live on this planet in harmony and without having to worry about where the next paycheck is going to come from and if we can put food on the table. No one should fear for their lives or be killed for some political agenda. No one should lose their life for the sake of debt ceilings and deficit spending.

“The Hidden Secrets of Money” By Mile Maloney.

Invisible Disability.

I have an invisible disability and I expect to be acknowledged as a human being and not be judged, I expect people to give me the respect I deserve. I do not need anyone giving me advice, or being patronizing, after all when it comes to mental health I specialize in the subject hence why I built this site.

Never assume anything with me without asking me first.

I know if my finances improved so would my mental health. My cerebellum atrophy is incurable but with new drugs coming on the market anything is possible. I am staying positive and hopefully, someone reading this will invest in me.

One day soon you will learn what one particular “evil animal” did to me and how I am recovering.

I have audio recordings of all the death threats he made to me.

He is no longer residing in the UK, he left last December for Germany however within a month of him starting work he was fired due to an altercation with a woman at his place of work, why does that not surprise me.

Unfortunately, because he does not speak fluent English he was unable to set up an email address so I did it for him and forwarded all his emails to me for translation purposes with his consent, however, I have no access to his settings anymore, and cannot un-forward myself hence I get his emails and all the antics he is getting up to.

I use outlook and have blocked his email but people sending emails to him still come into my inbox. I have started marking them as spam as I have no other way of stopping any communication.

Remember not all that glitters is gold and that was my mistake and I have learned the hard way.

One day I will rise from the ashes and tell my full story.

Staying Positive.

Tomorrow is another day and I aim for a brighter future!

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#anxiety #stress #depression #lowselfesteem #mentalhealth #mentalhealthdisabilities #Centrica #JanaSiber