How to Do Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) Yourself: A Step-by-Step Guide
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is a highly effective therapeutic approach for managing and alleviating various mental health challenges, including anxiety, depression, stress, and more. While seeking the guidance of a trained therapist is often recommended for CBT, there are steps you can take to practice CBT techniques on your own. Self-administered CBT can be a valuable tool for maintaining mental well-being and addressing everyday stressors.
What is CBT?
Before we delve into the steps of practicing CBT on our own, it’s essential to understand the fundamental principles of CBT. CBT is based on the idea that our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors are interconnected. It aims to identify and change negative thought patterns and behaviors that contribute to emotional distress.
Step 1: Self-Assessment
Start by identifying the specific issue or challenge you want to address with CBT. It could be anxiety, low self-esteem, or any other issue causing you distress. Reflect on how this issue affects your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. Consider keeping a journal to track your thoughts and emotions related to the problem.
Step 2: Set Clear Goals
Set realistic and achievable goals for your CBT practice. What do you hope to achieve through CBT? Be specific about the changes you want to make and the outcomes you expect.
Step 3: Understand Negative Thought Patterns
CBT involves recognizing and challenging negative thought patterns. Pay attention to the automatic negative thoughts (ANTs) that arise in your mind related to the issue you’re addressing. Common types of negative thought patterns include catastrophizing, black-and-white thinking, and personalization.
Step 4: Challenge Negative Thoughts
Once you’ve identified negative thought patterns, challenge them. Ask yourself questions like:
Is this thought based on evidence or assumptions?
What’s the worst that could happen, and how likely is it?
Are there alternative, more balanced ways to view the situation?
Replace irrational, negative thoughts with more rational and constructive ones.
Step 5: Behavioral Experiments
To change behaviors associated with your issue, consider conducting behavioral experiments. These experiments involve testing out new behaviors and observing their effects. For example, if you’re working on social anxiety, you might gradually expose yourself to social situations and record your experiences.
Step 6: Self-Monitoring
Keep a record of your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors related to your issue. This ongoing self-monitoring will help you track progress and identify areas that need further attention.
Step 7: Practice Relaxation Techniques
CBT often incorporates relaxation techniques like deep breathing, progressive muscle relaxation, and mindfulness. Regularly practicing these techniques can help you manage stress and anxiety.
Step 8: Maintain Consistency
Consistency is key to the success of self-administered CBT. Dedicate time each day or week to work on your CBT exercises and strategies. It’s a gradual process, so be patient with yourself.
Step 9: Seek Support if Needed
While self-administered CBT can be effective, there may be times when you need professional guidance. Don’t hesitate to reach out to a licensed therapist or counselor if you’re struggling to make progress or if your mental health deteriorates.
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is a powerful tool for addressing various mental health challenges, and it can be practiced effectively on your own with commitment and dedication. By following the steps outlined in this guide, you can start implementing CBT techniques into your daily life and work towards improving your mental well-being. Remember that self-administered CBT is not a replacement for professional therapy, but it can be a valuable supplement to maintain good mental health.
If you find that your issues are too overwhelming or persistent, seek the help of a qualified therapist for further support and guidance.
In order for CBT to work you must be in the right state of mind and determined to make it work. Only you are in control of your thoughts and you need to be consistent in making it work.
Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit & can damage mental health
What is sarcasm
The Art of Saying the Opposite
Imagine someone saying, “Oh, great job! You really nailed it!” while rolling their eyes and using a mocking tone. Or perhaps you’ve heard someone exclaim, “Yeah, right, like that’s ever going to happen!” with a sarcastic smirk. These are just a couple of examples of sarcasm in action, a linguistic tool that adds an extra layer of meaning to our conversations. Sarcasm is a form of verbal irony that relies on saying the opposite of what is intended, often with a mocking or derisive undertone.
Sarcasm is a widely used communication technique employed across various cultures and languages. It can be found in literature, comedy, everyday conversations, and even in online interactions. The word “sarcasm” originates from the Greek word “sarkasmos,” which means “to tear flesh” or “to bite the lips in rage or mockery.” This vivid imagery captures the essence of sarcasm, which is to wound or amuse through words that are intentionally contrary to the intended meaning.
The use of sarcasm serves several purposes. It can be used as a form of humor, adding wit and levity to a conversation. Sarcasm often employs a dry or sardonic tone, emphasizing the gap between what is said and what is meant. It can also be a means of expressing frustration, disdain, or criticism, allowing the speaker to express their true thoughts indirectly.
One of the defining characteristics of sarcasm is its context-dependent nature. Unlike other forms of communication, sarcasm heavily relies on non-verbal cues, such as tone of voice, facial expressions, and body language, to convey its intended meaning. A sarcastic statement delivered with a deadpan expression may be easily misunderstood, as the absence of visual cues can blur the line between sincerity and irony.
Sarcasm is often associated with quick thinking, cleverness, and a certain level of social adeptness. It requires the speaker to be attuned to the nuances of language and to possess a good understanding of the social dynamics within a given conversation or cultural context. However, sarcasm can also be misinterpreted or cause unintended offense, as its subtlety leaves room for confusion.
While sarcasm is prevalent in spoken language, it can pose challenges in written form, particularly in digital communication. With the rise of text messages, emails, and online forums, where non-verbal cues are absent, sarcasm becomes more ambiguous and susceptible to misinterpretation. To mitigate this, various techniques have emerged, such as the use of sarcasm tags (e.g., “/sarcasm”) or emoticons to signal sarcasm in written communication.
It is important to note that sarcasm is not always intended to harm or ridicule. In some cases, it can serve as a bonding mechanism, with both the speaker and the listener understanding the underlying humor or shared perspective. However, it is crucial to consider the impact of sarcasm on others, as it can inadvertently cause offense or perpetuate misunderstandings if not used judiciously.
Sarcasm is a linguistic device that adds complexity, humor, and irony to our conversations. It involves saying the opposite of what is meant, often with a mocking or derisive undertone. Sarcasm relies on non-verbal cues to convey its intended meaning and is context-dependent. While it can be a powerful tool for humor and self-expression, it is essential to be mindful of its potential to cause confusion or offense. Like any form of communication, sarcasm requires sensitivity and an understanding of the social dynamics at play.
How Sarcasm can affect a person’s mental health
The Double-Edged Sword: How Sarcasm Can Affect a Person’s Mental Health
Sarcasm, characterized by the use of irony, ridicule, or mockery to convey contempt or humor, has become a prevalent form of communication in today’s society. It often serves as a coping mechanism or a tool for social interaction. While sarcasm can be seen as entertaining and witty, its impact on a person’s mental health is worth exploring. This article delves into the potential negative effects of sarcasm on mental well-being and highlights the importance of using this form of communication with caution.
Emotional Impact: Sarcasm, when used excessively or inappropriately, can have a profound emotional impact on individuals. The recipient may experience feelings of confusion, hurt, or humiliation. The inherent nature of sarcasm involves veiled insults or mockery, which can erode self-esteem and create emotional distress. Over time, repeated exposure to sarcastic remarks may lead to anxiety, depression, or a general sense of being belittled.
Trust and Communication: Trust is an essential component of healthy relationships. Sarcasm can undermine trust by blurring the lines between sincerity and mockery. When sarcasm becomes the default mode of expression, it can create an environment where individuals are hesitant to express their true thoughts and feelings for fear of being ridiculed. This breakdown in open communication can strain relationships and contribute to feelings of isolation and emotional detachment.
Misinterpretation and Conflict: Sarcasm heavily relies on non-verbal cues, such as tone of voice, facial expressions, and body language. In written communication, such as text messages or online forums, these cues are absent, leading to a higher risk of misinterpretation. A sarcastic remark can easily be taken literally, resulting in confusion or even conflict. Misunderstandings arising from sarcasm can escalate tensions, strain social connections, and impact mental well-being.
Increased Stress and Anxiety: Living in an environment where sarcasm is prevalent can be mentally taxing. The constant need to decipher whether a statement is sincere or sarcastic places an additional cognitive load on individuals. This can lead to heightened stress and anxiety levels as individuals feel the need to constantly be on guard for potential hidden meanings or ridicule. The anticipation of sarcastic comments may create a state of hyper-vigilance, leading to increased levels of anxiety and overall emotional exhaustion.
Cultural and Individual Differences: Sarcasm’s impact on mental health can vary depending on cultural norms and individual differences. What may be seen as harmless banter in one culture or social group might be deeply hurtful in another. Additionally, individual sensitivities and past experiences can influence how sarcasm is perceived and its subsequent effects on mental well-being. Understanding these nuances and respecting boundaries is crucial to maintaining positive mental health within diverse social contexts.
Negative Impact: While sarcasm can be entertaining and serve as a form of social bonding, it is important to recognize its potential negative impact on mental health. Excessive or inappropriate use of sarcasm can erode self-esteem, damage relationships, and contribute to heightened stress and anxiety. Promoting open and sincere communication, along with mindfulness of cultural and individual differences, can help mitigate the potential harm caused by sarcasm. As individuals, we should strive for empathy, choosing our words carefully to foster healthy and supportive interactions, and ensuring that sarcasm does not become a double-edged sword for mental well-being.
My encounter with a sarcastic troll
Yesterday a disgruntled entrepreneur(M.G) who has not had much luck with domain names on LinkedIn commented on a post I made about Robotics and AI domain names and content writing. I guess because we are in the same industry and offer the same services of content writing, this person wanted to discredit me in some way so that he would have more work. Every time this person sent a message I responded by saying “Everyone is entitled to an opinion” to which the person replied sarcastically “I guess I am talking with an expert, so what would I know“? There was absolutely no need for it and he does not know my qualifications or anything about me, so could not come to a conclusion as he does not know how many domains I have sold or what I do for a living. I guess he wanted to oust the competition.
I have never met this person or had any interactions with him other than he was my 1st connection. Prior to blocking this entity, one person liked my comment where I said “Let’s keep this professional and not make it personal“.
My daughter tried to explain to me even famous people have their fair share of haters and for me not to take it personally. Yes, it bothered me that this person who I did not know and have never done business with could judge me and be downright rude.
“It says a lot about a person who is condescending, patronizing, humiliating, belittling or judgemental”.
You should not offer advice if it has not been asked for and you most certainly do not try to belittle someone for your own personal satisfaction especially where there is an audience.
This person has made me feel deflated to the point I feel tearful. I simply do not have the energy to do anything even though I have a big project ahead of me this week. I am going through some tough times at the moment and do not need snakes in my pit or thorns in my side.
Be nice and be kind because you do not know what someone is going through.
Misanthropy is a term used to describe a general dislike, distrust, or contempt for humankind. It is derived from the Greek words “misos” meaning “hatred” and “Anthropos” meaning “human.” Misanthropes are individuals who harbor strong negative sentiments towards humanity as a whole and may perceive human behavior and actions as inherently selfish, ignorant, or malevolent.
While misanthropy is often associated with a pessimistic view of humanity, it is essential to distinguish it from mere cynicism or skepticism. Misanthropes do not merely question human nature or harbor a healthy skepticism; rather, they harbor a deep-seated disdain for human beings, often seeing them as the root cause of societal problems and suffering. Misanthropy is characterized by a profound disillusionment with human potential and a belief that humanity is fundamentally flawed.
Historical and Philosophical Perspectives:
The roots of misanthropy can be traced back to ancient times. In Greek mythology, figures like Prometheus and Sisyphus were portrayed as misanthropic for their rebellion against the gods and their disdain for mortals. In the realm of philosophy, renowned thinkers such as Arthur Schopenhauer and Friedrich Nietzsche explored misanthropic themes in their works. Schopenhauer believed that human existence was characterized by an insatiable will to live, resulting in perpetual dissatisfaction, while Nietzsche criticized conventional morality and the herd mentality of society.
Causes and Manifestations:
Misanthropy can stem from various factors, including personal experiences, societal disillusionment, or a sense of moral superiority. Traumatic experiences, such as betrayal, abuse, or witnessing acts of cruelty, may contribute to an individual’s misanthropic worldview. Prolonged exposure to societal injustices, conflicts, and the darker aspects of human behavior can also erode faith in humanity and foster misanthropic tendencies.
Misanthropes often exhibit behaviors that reflect their negative views of humanity. They may prefer solitude and isolation, finding solace in their own company rather than engaging with others. Misanthropy can manifest as a withdrawal from social interactions, as misanthropes may find it challenging to relate to or trust others. They may view social norms and conventions with skepticism, perceiving them as superficial or hypocritical.
Misanthropy can be seen as a response to feelings of disappointment, disillusionment, or betrayal. It may provide a defense mechanism to shield oneself from further harm or disappointment by maintaining a distance from others. In some cases, misanthropy may be a symptom of underlying mental health conditions, such as depression, anxiety, or personality disorders.
While misanthropy may appear extreme or concerning, it is crucial to approach individuals with empathy and understanding. Engaging in open dialogue and attempting to uncover the underlying causes of their misanthropy can help create opportunities for personal growth and healing. Encouraging a sense of community and fostering positive experiences can gradually challenge and reshape negative perceptions.
Moreover, misanthropy can be counteracted by highlighting the positive aspects of humanity. By emphasizing acts of kindness, compassion, and altruism, it becomes possible to restore faith in humanity and counterbalance the misanthropic worldview. Recognizing that humans possess both positive and negative qualities and acknowledging the potential for growth and change is vital in addressing misanthropy.
Misanthropy is a complex phenomenon characterized by a deep-rooted aversion toward humanity. It is born out of negative experiences, societal disillusionment, or a belief in the inherent flaws of human nature. While misanthropy may pose challenges for individuals and society, fostering empathy, promoting positive experiences, and highlighting the potential for growth and change can help address and overcome misanthropic
What Are The Statistics on Misanthropy
Misanthropy is often an individual’s personal perspective of humankind, making it difficult to quantify on a large scale. Additionally, misanthropy can manifest in varying degrees and may not always be openly expressed.
That said, some studies and surveys have attempted to explore related attitudes and perspectives. For example, surveys on trust in institutions or levels of social trust can indirectly provide insights into societal attitudes toward humanity. Various studies have examined societal trust in different countries, highlighting variations in levels of trust among populations.
It’s worth noting that misanthropy is not a widely studied phenomenon compared to other psychological or sociological topics. Therefore, comprehensive and up-to-date statistical data specifically focused on misanthropy may be limited. The subjective nature of misanthropy makes it challenging to measure and quantify accurately.
Ultimately, misanthropy is a complex and individualistic perspective, and understanding its prevalence would require more extensive research and analysis, possibly through surveys, interviews, or psychological assessments designed to explore such attitudes and sentiments. The other challenging problem is getting people to admit they dislike others. Being truthful is the ultimate goal but people may not be so forthcoming with their own thoughts and beliefs, which would not make the data accurate.
What if a patient feels they have misanthropy
If a patient feels they have misanthropy, it can be an important issue to address in therapy or counseling sessions. Here are a few considerations for both the patient and the mental health professional:
Create a safe and non-judgmental space: It’s essential for the patient to feel comfortable expressing their feelings and concerns without fear of judgment. The therapist should establish a safe and accepting environment where the patient feels heard and understood.
Explore underlying causes and experiences: Understanding the origins of the patient’s misanthropy can be helpful in developing insights and identifying potential triggers. Encourage the patient to share their experiences, including any past traumas, disappointments, or negative interactions that may have contributed to their negative view of humanity.
Validate and normalize emotions: It’s crucial to validate the patient’s emotions and let them know that their feelings are understood. Even if misanthropy may seem extreme, it’s important to acknowledge that it can be a response to negative experiences or a way of coping with disappointment or betrayal.
Encourage self-reflection and perspective-taking: Engaging the patient in self-reflection can help them gain a deeper understanding of their misanthropic beliefs and their impact on their own well-being and relationships. Encourage them to consider alternative perspectives and challenge their negative assumptions about humanity.
Explore coping strategies and alternative beliefs: Work collaboratively with the patient to identify healthier coping strategies for dealing with negative emotions and disappointments. Introduce them to positive experiences and examples of kindness and empathy that can help counterbalance their negative worldview.
Consider underlying mental health conditions: Misanthropy can sometimes be a symptom or expression of underlying mental health conditions, such as depression, anxiety, or personality disorders. If necessary, a mental health professional may evaluate the patient for any co-occurring conditions and develop an appropriate treatment plan.
Engage in social activities and community involvement: Encourage the patient to participate in social activities or community initiatives that promote positive interactions and reinforce the potential for human connection and kindness. This can help challenge their misanthropic beliefs and provide them with opportunities to experience positive interactions.
It’s important to note that addressing misanthropy may require time, patience, and ongoing therapeutic support. Each individual’s journey will be unique, and the therapeutic process should be tailored to their specific needs and circumstances.
As the editor of this site and how I publically write about my health. I can safely say I have an element of misanthropy because I have socially distanced myself from the outside world, other than couriers, delivery drivers, and home contractors, but if I had a choice and there was a way of not interacting I would most defiantly be keen to explore this option. I personally cannot wait when robots and AI to take over the world albeit it may not be in my lifetime, but as technology progresses fast, I should not say “Never say never”.
I am happiest in front of my computer and do not have to deal with people. I have my phone on do not disturb and only interact via email or chat.
In fact, I have only stepped out of my home, twice under duress in the last five years. Don’t get me wrong if there was a medical emergency I would have no option but to leave my safe place and worry about the consequences afterward, but as it stands I have everything under control and working for me just fine having my groceries delivered and keeping workmen at a safe distance…The only part that has failed me is my own GP where I have reached out twice in the last 2.5 years and have not responded. There is a reason why I do not take incoming calls.
I would not go as far as saying I despise all humans because not everyone has done me wrong. I just have no trust for mankind whoever they may be and as the bible say you should not hold grudges but forgive the ones that have done you wrong. Therefore I forgive the likes of my landlord and his cahoots assistant who has put my rent up by £210 per month but that does say I have to like them. They have crossed the line with me.
From The Bible
“Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven.
Peter replied, “Repent and be baptized, every one of you, in the name of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of your sins. And you will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit.
We should bless those who persecute us bless and not curse them. We are to pray for them and ask God to bless them because they need His mercy just as much as we do.
When you pray for those who hurt you or mistreat you, God will give you the grace to forgive them, and in so doing, he will heap burning coals of fire upon their heads (Proverbs 25:22).
Romans 12:19 says that revenge belongs to God and He will repay those who hurt us when the time is right and it’s not for us to seek revenge on people who have hurt us in one way or the other.
One of the biggest challenges we can face in life is when our own family does not support us. It can be a deeply painful experience, leaving us feeling alone, misunderstood, and even betrayed. Whether we’re pursuing a particular career, making a major life decision, or simply trying to live our lives on our own terms, the lack of support from those closest to us can be incredibly discouraging.
However, it’s important to recognize that this is a common experience that many people go through. It can happen for a variety of reasons, such as different beliefs or values, personal biases or resentments, or simply a lack of understanding. In some cases, family members may even be actively trying to hold us back, out of fear or jealousy.
Whatever the reason, it’s important to remember that you are not alone in this. Many people have overcome similar challenges and gone on to achieve great success and happiness in their lives, without family interactions.
Here are some strategies to help you navigate this difficult situation:
Focus on your own goals and dreams: When faced with unsupportive family members, it can be easy to get caught up in their negativity and start to doubt yourself. However, it’s important to remember that your own goals and dreams are what matter most. Stay focused on what you want to achieve, and don’t let anyone else’s opinions or doubts hold you back.
Find support elsewhere: While it’s important to have the support of our families, it’s not always possible. In these situations, it’s important to seek out support elsewhere. This could be through friends, mentors, or even online communities. Look for people who share your values and goals, and who can provide you with the encouragement and support you need.
Communicate openly: In some cases, it may be possible to improve the situation by communicating openly with your family members. Try to approach the conversation from a place of understanding and compassion, and be clear about what you need from them. However, be prepared for the possibility that they may not be willing or able to change their attitudes.
Don’t take it personally: It’s important to remember that your family members’ lack of support is not a reflection of your worth or value as a person. Often, their attitudes are more about their own fears and insecurities than anything to do with you. Try not to take their negativity personally, and focus instead on building your own self-confidence and resilience.
Keep moving forward: It’s important to keep moving forward toward your goals, even in the face of opposition. This may mean making difficult decisions or sacrifices along the way, but ultimately, it’s your life to live. Stay true to yourself and your values, and trust that you will find your way to success and happiness, even without the support of your family.
List of Things Your Family May Not Support You In.
Families can be a source of love and support, but sometimes they may not understand or support certain choices or decisions we make in life. Here are some examples of things your family may not support you in:
Your career choice
Your educational pursuits
Your romantic relationships
Your religious or spiritual beliefs
Your lifestyle choices (e.g. vegetarianism, minimalism, etc.)
Your political views
Your creative passions (e.g. art, music, writing, etc.)
Your financial decisions
Your personal goals and ambitions
Your mental health needs or treatment
Your sexuality or gender identity
Your choice to leave or distance yourself from the family
Your decision to start a family or have children
Your choice of friends or social circle
Your personal appearance or style choices.
How Your Mental Health Is Affected.
When your family does not support you, it can have a significant impact on your mental health. The lack of support can cause feelings of isolation, rejection, and self-doubt. It can also lead to stress, anxiety, and depression, as well as exacerbate pre-existing mental health conditions.
Here are some ways in which your mental health may be affected:
Increased stress and anxiety: The lack of support from your family can lead to increased stress and anxiety, especially if you feel like you are facing challenges alone. You may worry about making the right decisions, and the fear of failure may become overwhelming.
Feelings of isolation and loneliness: When your family does not support you, it can be a very isolating experience. You may feel like no one understands you or what you are going through, and this can lead to feelings of loneliness and disconnection.
Self-doubt and low self-esteem: The lack of support from your family can cause you to doubt your abilities and worth as a person. You may begin to question whether you are making the right choices or whether you are good enough to succeed.
Depression: The ongoing stress and feelings of isolation can lead to depression, especially if you are already prone to this condition. You may experience feelings of hopelessness, sadness, and loss of interest in activities you once enjoyed.
Substance abuse: In some cases, people may turn to drugs or alcohol as a way to cope with the stress and pain of not having the support of their family.
It’s important to take care of your mental health and seek support if you are struggling. Here are some things you can do to take care of yourself:
Practice self-care: Make time for activities that bring you joy and relaxation, such as exercise, hobbies, or spending time with supportive friends.
Seek professional help: Consider seeing a therapist or counselor who can help you process your feelings and develop coping strategies.
Connect with others: Find support through friends, support groups, or online communities that can offer encouragement and validation.
Set boundaries: It’s important to set boundaries with family members who are not supportive. This may mean limiting your interactions with them or being clear about what you need from them.
Practice self-compassion: Remember to be kind and compassionate towards yourself, and recognize that it’s not your fault if your family does not support you. Focus on your strengths and celebrate your successes, no matter how small they may seem.
The Impact On The Lack Of Empowerment & Motivation.
Empowerment and motivation are crucial elements for personal and professional growth. When individuals lack empowerment and motivation, their productivity and morale suffer, leading to negative consequences for both the individual and the organization they work for.
Family plays a significant role in an individual’s life, and when they do not empower or motivate, it can have a significant impact on the individual’s emotional and mental well-being. When family members do not provide support, encouragement, and motivation, it can lead to feelings of insecurity, low self-esteem, and lack of confidence.
A lack of empowerment and motivation from family members can affect an individual’s personal and professional life. In personal life, it can lead to difficulty in making decisions and taking ownership of their life. They may feel a lack of support and encouragement in pursuing their dreams and aspirations, leading to a sense of hopelessness and frustration.
In the professional sphere, a lack of empowerment and motivation from family members can lead to a lack of ambition and drive. Individuals may lack the confidence to take risks, pursue their goals, and take initiative at work. This can lead to a stagnant career, lack of fulfillment, and decreased job satisfaction.
Additionally, a lack of empowerment and motivation from family members can lead to strained relationships and emotional distress. Individuals may feel unappreciated and unsupported, leading to feelings of resentment and anger towards their family members. This can cause communication breakdowns and negative interactions, leading to a toxic family environment.
It is important for family members to provide emotional support, encouragement, and motivation to their loved ones. This can be done by actively listening to their concerns and providing constructive feedback, recognizing their achievements and efforts, and offering assistance and guidance in pursuing their goals.
A lack of empowerment and motivation from family members can have a significant impact on an individual’s emotional and mental well-being, as well as their personal and professional growth. It is crucial for family members to provide support, encouragement, and motivation to their loved ones, creating a positive and nurturing family environment that fosters personal and professional success.
Why Sometimes People, in General, Want You to Fail.
Success is an admirable goal that most people strive for in life. Whether it’s achieving professional success, personal goals, or even just small victories, the feeling of accomplishment is exhilarating. However, it’s an unfortunate reality that sometimes people, in general, want you to fail. This may come as a surprise, but it’s a common occurrence in both personal and professional settings. In this article, we’ll explore the reasons why this happens and how to overcome it.
Jealousy: Jealousy is perhaps the most common reason why people want others to fail. When someone is doing well, and they are achieving their goals, it can make others feel inadequate or envious. Instead of being happy for that person’s success, they want them to fail because it makes them feel better about themselves. It’s a toxic mindset that can lead to negative behaviors and attitudes.
Insecurity: Another reason why people want others to fail is insecurity. Sometimes people feel threatened by the success of others because it makes them feel less important or less capable. Insecurity can manifest in different ways, such as passive-aggressive behavior or even overt attempts to sabotage someone’s success. It’s important to recognize when someone is acting out of insecurity so that you can respond appropriately.
Competition: Competition can be healthy and motivating, but it can also be the reason why people want you to fail. In some cases, people may view your success as a threat to their own goals and aspirations. This can lead to a competitive mindset where they want to see you fail so that they can succeed. It’s important to remember that healthy competition is about pushing each other to be better, not tearing each other down.
Resentment: Resentment can be a powerful emotion that can drive people to want others to fail. When someone has wronged them in the past or has a history of being difficult to work with, it can be tempting to want them to fail. In some cases, this can be justified, but in others, it can be a toxic attitude that leads to negativity and resentment.
Schadenfreude: Schadenfreude is a German word that means taking pleasure in the misfortune of others. It’s a toxic mindset that can lead to negative behaviors and attitudes. When someone is experiencing success, it can be tempting to want to see them fail just so that you can feel better about yourself. However, this is a harmful attitude that can lead to a negative cycle of behavior.
So how do you overcome the desire for others to see you fail? Here are a few tips:
Focus on your goals: When you focus on your goals, you’re less likely to be distracted by what others are doing. Keep your eye on the prize and work hard to achieve your goals.
Surround yourself with positive people: Surrounding yourself with positive people who support and encourage you can help you overcome negativity from others. Having a supportive network of people can make all the difference when you’re trying to achieve your goals.
Stay humble: Staying humble can help you avoid the negative attitudes that come with success. Remember that success is a journey, not a destination, and be grateful for the opportunities you have.
Don’t engage in negative behavior: When someone is trying to bring you down, it can be tempting to engage in negative behavior in return. However, this only fuels the negativity and doesn’t solve anything. Instead, take the high road and stay positive.
Learn from failure: Failure is a natural part of the process. Instead of being discouraged by failure, use it as an opportunity to learn and grow. When you approach failure with a growth mindset, you’ll be better equipped to overcome the negativity of others.
How To Remove Negative People Out Of Your Life.
Surrounding yourself with positive and supportive individuals can make a significant difference in your life. However, negative people can drain your energy, cause stress, and create a toxic environment. Removing these individuals from your life can be challenging but necessary for your well-being. Here are some tips on how to remove negative people from your life.
Identify the negative individuals: It’s essential to identify the individuals who bring negativity into your life. These individuals may be family members, friends, colleagues, or acquaintances. They could be people who criticize, judge, belittle, or gossip about you or others. Once you identify these individuals, you can create a plan to remove them from your life.
Set boundaries: Setting boundaries is crucial when dealing with negative people. You need to communicate clearly what you will and won’t accept from others. This could mean limiting your interactions, reducing the time spent with them, or completely cutting off contact. Be firm and consistent with your boundaries, and don’t let others guilt-trip you into violating them.
Practice self-care: Removing negative people from your life can be emotionally challenging. Therefore, it’s essential to take care of yourself during this process. Practice self-care activities that help you relax and rejuvenate, such as yoga, meditation, exercise, or spending time with positive and supportive individuals.
Focus on the positive: Surround yourself with positive people and activities that uplift and inspire you. This could be joining a support group, volunteering, taking up a new hobby, or spending time with friends and family who bring positivity into your life.
Be selective: Be selective about the people you allow into your life. Surround yourself with individuals who share your values, interests, and goals. These individuals will support and motivate you to reach your full potential.
Seek professional help: Removing negative people from your life can be challenging, especially if you have a history with them. Seek professional help from a therapist or counselor to help you process your emotions and develop strategies to deal with challenging situations.
Removing negative people from your life can be a difficult but necessary step toward creating a more positive and fulfilling life. Remember to prioritize your well-being, set boundaries, and surround yourself with positive and supportive individuals. With time, you’ll see the positive impact of removing negative people from your life.
Why People Do Not Care:
It is a painful reality that some people do not care about us, even when we have shown them love and kindness. It is important to understand that this does not necessarily reflect on our worth as individuals, but rather on the complexities of human relationships.
There are several reasons why some people may not care about us. One reason is that they may have their own priorities, goals, and values that differ from ours. This can lead to a lack of interest in our lives or a lack of concern for our well-being. For example, if someone values material success above all else, they may not see the value in maintaining close relationships or showing empathy towards others.
Another reason why someone may not care about us is that they may be dealing with their own personal struggles, such as mental health issues, financial difficulties, or relationship problems. When people are struggling to cope with their own challenges, they may not have the emotional energy or capacity to focus on others.
Furthermore, some people may simply be self-centered or narcissistic, which can make it difficult for them to empathize with others or care about their needs. These individuals may prioritize their own wants and desires above all else and view others as a means to an end.
It is important to recognize that we cannot control how others feel about us. While it can be hurtful and frustrating when someone does not care about us, we can choose to focus on the relationships that are meaningful and fulfilling in our lives. We can surround ourselves with people who appreciate and support us, and work on cultivating healthy boundaries with those who do not.
Additionally, it can be helpful to examine our own expectations and behaviors in relationships. Are we expecting too much from others? Are we putting in effort to maintain our relationships and show empathy towards others? By reflecting on our own actions, we can work towards building more positive and fulfilling relationships in our lives.
While it is painful to experience the feeling that some people do not care about us, it is important to recognize that this is not necessarily a reflection of our worth as individuals. People have their own priorities, struggles, and values that can impact their ability to care for others. By focusing on cultivating healthy relationships and examining our own behaviors, we can work towards building meaningful connections in our lives.
If Your Family Do Not Support You, Then How Do You Know They Love or Care About You?
Family is often seen as the cornerstone of our support system. It is where we look for emotional and physical support, guidance, and care. However, not everyone is lucky enough to have a supportive family. Sometimes, family members may not support you in your life choices or may not be there for you when you need them the most. In such situations, it is natural to question whether they love or care about you at all.
Firstly, it is important to understand that every family has its own set of dynamics and relationships. The way family members express love and care may differ from one family to another. Some families may show their love and care through physical affection and constant communication, while others may show it through providing for the family’s financial needs. Therefore, just because your family does not show support in the way you expect them to does not mean they do not care about you.
Secondly, it is essential to remember that family members are human too. They have their own limitations and struggles that may hinder their ability to support you. For instance, a parent may not be able to attend your graduation because they have to work long hours to provide for the family. A sibling may not be able to help you move to a new apartment because they are struggling with their own mental health issues. Therefore, it is crucial to be empathetic and understanding toward your family members.
Thirdly, it is important to recognize that not everyone has the same goals and aspirations in life. You may want to pursue a career in the arts, but your parents may want you to become a doctor or an engineer. In such cases, it is common for family members to express their concerns and opinions about their choices. However, it does not mean that they do not love or care about you. It may simply be their way of showing their concern for your future.
Lastly, it is essential to communicate openly and honestly with your family members. If you feel that they are not supportive of your decisions, try to have a conversation with them about your feelings. It is possible that they may not even be aware that their actions are causing you pain or distress. By opening up to them, you give them an opportunity to understand your perspective and work towards a more supportive relationship.
When your family does not support you, it can be challenging and painful. However, by staying focused on your own goals and dreams, seeking support elsewhere, communicating openly, not taking it personally, and keeping moving forward, you can overcome these obstacles and find success and happiness on your own terms. Remember, you are not alone in this, and there are many others who have faced similar challenges and come out the other side stronger and more resilient.
Having a family that does not support you can be challenging and disheartening and at the end of the day, we have to step back and prioritize our mental health.
If you see your family interacting with other members on social media and not you, you have to decide how you will deal with them moving forward. Your mental health should be your number one priority.
Joining support groups could be one answer, otherways is to keep yourself busy, keep a journal and express your thoughts on paper or online. Seek medical help when you are feeling overwhelmed or depressed. Be vocal about how you feel. If you are not into socializing then find friends online.
Often, it’s a matter of different values, beliefs, and perspectives. However, it’s important to find a balance between honoring your own choices and maintaining a positive relationship with your family, even if you don’t always see eye-to-eye.
The lack of support from your family can have a significant impact on your mental health. It’s important to take care of yourself and seek professional support if you are struggling.
Can being patronizing and condescending affect mental health?
Patronizing and condescending behavior can have a significant impact on an individual’s mental health. These behaviors can cause feelings of frustration, anger, and low self-esteem, which can lead to more severe mental health issues over time.
When an individual feels patronized or condescended to by others, they may experience feelings of worthlessness, shame, and inadequacy. These feelings can lead to a negative self-image, causing a decline in self-esteem, and, in severe cases, depression and anxiety.
Being patronized and talked down can also lead to feelings of powerlessness and helplessness. This can cause a person to feel as though they have no control over their situation, leading to an increased likelihood of developing depression or anxiety.
Condescending behavior can also impact one’s relationships. When a person is repeatedly patronized or talked down to, they may begin to avoid certain people or situations to avoid these interactions. This can lead to social isolation and, over time, impact one’s mental health negatively.
Furthermore, constant condescending behavior can lead to a negative outlook on life. A person who is repeatedly told they are not good enough or smart enough may begin to believe these statements, leading to a lack of motivation and self-doubt.
In some cases, patronizing and condescending behavior can also lead to post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). This is particularly true when the behavior is chronic and occurs over an extended period. People who experience constant patronization and condescension may become hyper-vigilant or feel threatened even in innocuous situations, leading to symptoms associated with PTSD.
Patronizing and Condescending behavior can have a significant impact on an individual’s mental health. It can lead to feelings of worthlessness, low self-esteem, anxiety, depression, social isolation, and even post-traumatic stress disorder. Therefore, it is essential to recognize these behaviors and take steps to address them to maintain good mental health. If you are experiencing patronizing or condescending behavior, it is vital to seek support from loved ones or a mental health professional to help you deal with the situation effectively.
What is the definition of patronization?
Patronization is a term that refers to the act of treating someone in a condescending or superior manner, often with the intention of demonstrating one’s own perceived superiority or authority over them. It can manifest in a variety of ways, from the use of patronizing language to making decisions for someone without their input or consent.
The act of patronizing someone can be damaging, as it can convey a message of disrespect and undermine the person’s sense of autonomy and self-worth. When someone is patronized, they may feel belittled, dismissed, or disrespected, which can lead to feelings of frustration, anger, and resentment.
One of the most common forms of patronization is the use of language. For example, speaking to someone in a baby voice, using pet names, or excessively using simplifications or clarifications, can all be forms of patronization. This type of language suggests that the person being spoken to is not intelligent or capable enough to understand complex ideas, which can be insulting and offensive.
Another common form of patronization is when someone makes decisions for another person without their input or consent. This can happen in personal or professional contexts, such as when a boss makes decisions for an employee without considering their opinion, or when a family member assumes they know what is best for someone else without taking their wishes into account. This type of behavior can be particularly damaging as it can take away a person’s agency and leave them feeling powerless.
Patronization can also be unintentional, and some people may not even realize they are doing it. For example, someone may offer unsolicited advice or try to help in a situation where their assistance is not needed, with the intention of being helpful, but the person on the receiving end may still feel patronized.
To avoid patronizing others, it is important to be aware of one’s own language and actions. This means speaking to others in a respectful and considerate manner, listening to their opinions and preferences, and avoiding making decisions for them without their input or consent. It is also important to recognize the inherent value and worth of each person, regardless of their background or level of experience.
A patronization is a form of behavior that can be harmful to individuals and can lead to feelings of frustration, anger, and resentment. To avoid patronizing others, it is important to be aware of one’s own language and actions and to treat others with respect and consideration. By doing so, we can create a more supportive and inclusive environment where everyone feels valued and respected.
What is the definition of condescending?
Condescending is a term used to describe a person’s behavior or tone when they speak down to others or display a sense of superiority or disdain. It is a negative trait that can make people feel belittled, demeaned, or devalued.
A condescending person may use language that is patronizing or dismissive, or they may act as if they know more than others and are not interested in hearing other people’s ideas or opinions. This behavior is often rooted in a belief that they are smarter, more knowledgeable, or more important than others.
For example, a condescending person may speak slowly and use simple words when talking to someone they perceive as less intelligent or less educated than themselves. They may also interrupt or talk over others, dismiss their ideas, or ignore their contributions to a conversation.
Condescending behavior can occur in a variety of settings, including the workplace, social situations, and personal relationships. It can be exhibited by people of any age, gender, or cultural background.
In the workplace, condescending behavior can be particularly damaging to morale and productivity. Employees who feel belittled or undervalued may become disengaged and less motivated to contribute to the team’s goals. It can also lead to increased tension and conflict among colleagues.
In personal relationships, condescending behavior can be a sign of a power imbalance or a lack of respect. It can damage the trust and intimacy between partners, friends, or family members and make it difficult to maintain healthy relationships.
To avoid being condescending, it is important to recognize and respect the opinions and contributions of others, even if they differ from your own. It is also important to communicate in a clear and respectful manner, without talking down to others or using language that is patronizing or dismissive.
Condescending behavior is a negative trait that can damage relationships and undermine productivity. By recognizing and avoiding condescending behavior, we can build more positive and respectful interactions with others.
Is showing pity deemed as condescending
Showing pity can be deemed as condescending if it is done in a way that makes the person receiving the pity feel inferior or powerless. Pity is often associated with a sense of superiority or a belief that the person being pitied is unable to cope with their situation. This can be insulting and demeaning to the person on the receiving end of the pity.
However, showing empathy or compassion towards someone who is going through a difficult time can be helpful and supportive. The key is to approach the situation with genuine concern and respect for the other person’s feelings and dignity, rather than from a position of superiority or judgment. By demonstrating kindness and understanding, you can create a more positive and uplifting environment for everyone involved.
List of patronizing and condescending comments
“Oh, bless your heart, you’re trying your best.”
“That’s adorable, you almost got it right.”
“Don’t worry, sweetie, it’s a bit too complicated for you.”
“Let me explain this to you in simple terms.”
“You’re so cute when you’re clueless.”
“I’ll handle this, you wouldn’t understand.”
“You should be proud of yourself for trying, even if you failed.”
“I’ll give you a gold star for effort.”
“You’re doing a great job, for someone with your limited abilities.”
“Let me do this for you, it’s too hard for you to figure out.”
Today I phoned the local council office about my rent increase to clarify if, on the Government website, there is a rent cap, but no one seems to be able to give me a definitive answer. My landlord is increasing my rent by £210 per month and from what I can see on the Gov website the most he can charge is £165.00
The agent I spoke to said: “Oh Bless” when I explained about my disabilities. If it was anyone else I would have given them a piece of my mind but because you have to watch what you say with these people, I bit my tongue. After the call had ended I felt so upset because I was perceived to be inferior and pitied. I felt worthless and tried to erase the words from my head so that I did not spiral down the rabbit hole. Just because I have a disability does not make me less human.
People need to watch what they say to other people. I found the agent I spoke to today to be condescending and I still feel like crying even now.
I am fortunate I can vent my frustrations out on this platform as a self-help therapy tool. I know that even if I do not have anyone to talk to about my health, I know someone will read this and relate.
I am not advertising anyone else other than my business today, as I have to make it my number one priority, to protect my mental health and keep the wolves away from the door.
My marketing agency offers several services including content writing, digital marketing, and SEO.
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I suffer from cognitive impairment and when I received an email from a famous mental health magazine at first, I thought they had accepted my submission, however, in reality, they said they had received my pitch, not that they had accepted it.
A couple of hours go by and I get a second email saying they had declined my submission, my heart sank as I read the email although I should be flattered that they think my proposal was aimed at professionals rather than the general public. I do not sway much with my writing, so I believe my writing is of a high standard.
I did not actually give a proposal I just cited three articles I have published on this site.
I have proceeded to remove any backlinks I have for this magazine, because if they do not support me why should I support them? I have redacted their name so that I do not give them any publicity.
Coping with rejection as an entrepreneur
Being an entrepreneur can be a rollercoaster ride of highs and lows. One of the most challenging aspects of being an entrepreneur is coping with rejection. Whether it’s a pitch to an investor that falls flat, a sales call that doesn’t lead to a sale or a product launch that doesn’t go as planned, rejection can be difficult to handle. However, rejection is a natural part of the entrepreneurial journey, and it’s important to learn how to cope with it in a healthy way. In this article, we’ll explore some tips for coping with rejection as an entrepreneur.
Reframe rejection as a learning opportunity
The first step in coping with rejection is to reframe it as a learning opportunity. Instead of seeing rejection as a personal failure, try to view it as a chance to learn and improve. Ask yourself questions like, “What could I have done differently?” or “What can I learn from this experience?” By approaching rejection with a growth mindset, you can turn it into a positive experience that helps you grow as an entrepreneur.
Entrepreneurship can be a tough and lonely road, and rejection can take a toll on your self-esteem. It’s important to practice self-compassion and treat yourself with kindness and understanding. Recognize that rejection is a normal part of the entrepreneurial journey and that it doesn’t define your worth as a person or an entrepreneur. Be gentle with yourself and take time to do things that make you feel good, like exercise, spend time with loved ones, or engage in a hobby.
Seek support from others
Don’t be afraid to reach out for support from others when coping with rejection. Whether it’s a trusted mentor, a supportive friend, or a business coach, having someone to talk to can help you process your emotions and gain perspective. Surround yourself with people who believe in you and your vision, and who can offer encouragement and support during challenging times.
After experiencing rejection, it’s important to take action and keep moving forward. Don’t dwell on the rejection or let it hold you back. Instead, use it as motivation to improve and keep pushing forward. Take action on the feedback you received and use it to make improvements to your pitch, product, or approach. Remember that rejection is not the end of the road, but rather a bump in the road on your entrepreneurial journey.
Keep things in perspective
Finally, it’s important to keep things in perspective when coping with rejection. Remember that rejection is a natural part of the entrepreneurial journey and that it doesn’t define your success or your future as an entrepreneur. Keep your eye on the big picture and focus on your long-term goals, rather than getting bogged down by short-term setbacks.
Coping with rejection as an entrepreneur is never easy, but it’s an important skill to develop. By reframing rejection as a learning opportunity, practicing self-compassion, seeking support from others, taking action, and keeping things in perspective, you can navigate the ups and downs of entrepreneurship with resilience and grace. Remember that rejection is not a reflection of your worth as a person or an entrepreneur, but rather an opportunity to grow and improve. Keep pushing forward and stay focused on your vision, and success will follow.
Rejection can cause anxiety and depression and can lead to procrastination as well as imposter syndrome. In order to combat this one needs to rewire our thoughts into positive thinking. Never let anything get to you. Do not dwell on why it happened, instead move quickly on to something else, the lesson learned is (in my case) that it is their loss because now they have lost a whole bunch of backlinks, which are like gold dust in the digital marketing world of search engine optimization.
“Build your own kingdom and be the king/queen of your own castle”.
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I start today with an example of a person (my neighbor) that showed narcissistic traits, not to me may I add but to a ‘Tesco Delivery Driver’ that came to deliver my shopping.
I was in the middle of a business call when my delivery arrived and my daughter came to meet and greet the female driver. The driver was very young (18 to be exact) and happened to say her age and brief bio to my daughter after the incident.
There is a reason for me to point out the gender, bear with me…
My argument would have been would my neighbor have had the balls to come out and rant to a man if they were older than this girl? This was a show of intimidation and disrespect. This was to show that he seems to think he has some authority and looks down at people whilst in the next breath is two-faced and nice to you when it suits him. Ironically he has two daughters both in their twenties and early thirties and this girl is someone’s daughter.
Basically, what had happened the driver pulled up close to my neighbor’s car, (not a supercar but an old saloon banger) and he came out of his house ranting that the van was too close to his car. The van would have been offloading no more than 10 minutes if that but he was having none of it, the van was too close for his comfort. Anyway, he then called the driver a “Stupid B#tch”. The young girl after he had gone burst into tears and said under normal circumstances she may have dismissed the rudeness but the fact she heard that her Grandmother had died as she started her shift her emotions got the better of her.
“You do not know what is going on in a person’s life, so be careful what you say”!
Bearing in mind that this very neighbor was an employee of Tescos and so was his daughter, makes me wonder how he got the job when he speaks to people in this way. It’s a pity that I was not there to see and hear what went on as I would have put in my ten penneth.
My daughter immediately relayed what had happened.
Being a self-centered narcissist will eventually catch up with you.
As I keep telling everyone and anyone that listens if you find it in your heart to forgive God or a high Power (The Universe) will forgive you and will punish the person that has done you wrong.
Name-calling is my neighbor’s speciality, I can totally believe what has happened, as it is not the first time I have heard this same person name-calling and stating that the house I reside in looks like the Addams Family home. I rent one of the apartments and it is not my responsibility to take care of the exterior. Although he could be referring to us on a more personal note. 🤣😂
Name-calling, being spiteful, and being unkind is wrong on so many levels. You do not know what someone is going through when you open your mouth. It can actually affect someone’s mental health if you do not put your brain in gear before putting your mouth in motion. I am trusting God or the Universe to punish him seeing as I have let it go and have forgiven him.
Wouldn’t it be cool if I could buy the property I live in and see their mortified faces that I am here to stay? They would no longer be able to report me to my landlord, and not being picked on would be one for the books. Imagine parking my brand spanking new 4×4 Porsche Carerra or my GMC Hummer SUV and then telling him that he has parked too close. 🤣😂.
If you have positive thoughts, you can manifest anything, as it says in the bible “Matthew 13:12 Whoever has will be given more, and he will have an abundance. Whoever does not have, even what he has will be taken away from him.”. Meaning if you think negatively only negative things will continuously come into your life, but if you think positively and imagine you already have what you want it will one day manifest itself but you have to believe.
Why People Do Not Care.
People only care if they are directly affected by something or someone. They only care about themselves and their close network of friends and family. Yes you see activists rebelling for the sake of the world, yet you have world leaders b#mbing and k#lling innocent people. You have poverty, famine, homelessness (not every homeless person is a crackhead), and third-world countries. People do not care.
In fact whilst I was in an abusive relationship instead of this neighbor calling the Police, where I could have been saved from a beating when he heard a commotion, reported me to the landlord. This just shows that people simply do not care other than about themselves and their family and friends, but that is it.
My neighbor will one day realize without me mentioning his name that he has done wrong when I publish my book.
My neighbor is the type of person that will chat 💩 about you to my landlord and the community and people would believe it. So I hear you say if I am so unhappy where I live, why don’t I move, well the answer is simple I will when the time is right, or I could just stay put and buy the house as an investment and rattle my neighbors even more.
It really rattles me when people are not kind and considerate and put some thought into what they say before opening their mouths. No wonder I have social disconnection issues.
Procrastination is the act of delaying or putting off tasks until the last minute, or past their deadline. Some researchers define procrastination as a “form of self-regulation failure characterized by the irrational delay of tasks despite potentially negative consequences.” According to Joseph Ferrari, a professor of psychology at DePaul University in Chicago and author of “Still Procrastinating: The No Regret Guide to Getting It Done,” around 20% of U.S. adults are chronic procrastinators.
Normally I am a well-organized individual and keep a business journal of things to do which I tick off once completed. But lately, even the to-do lists just lie there collecting dust.
I would much rather surf the net, watch movies and documentaries, and daydream rather than tackle more important issues. I find I can waste my whole day away simply doing nothing.
I lack motivation and enthusiasm and what once interested me no longer has the same appeal.
I think the only way I can get out of the rut I am in is to set goals because if I carry on like a robot I will not reap my rewards.
I have to stop worrying and think where there is an obstacle there is a solution to each problem and rather than avoid it tackle it head-on, with the attitude whatever will be will be. I am fortunate I can write so if there is a problem I can communicate in writing. My writing skills are my superpower.
If something is too hard to complete in one go, break it down into smaller modules.
As an example, I have a client that wants some articles written, and although I have semi-written them they go over the word count quota in which I am finding it difficult to make it shorter, hence am avoiding this person. I should by rights just say the articles will cost more than what he is prepared to pay or just accept his offer and not do any more work for him.
I am guilty of this, I may do everything than the task at hand. I may spend more time watching Netflix than doing my work. I sometimes lack motivation especially when I have things on my mind which are worrying me. People tend to procrastinate and waste countless hours on trivial pursuits (watching TV, updating their Facebook statuses, shopping online) rather than doing actual work or focusing on more important things.
Regardless if you have deadlines to meet and are putting off finishing a project for work, avoiding homework assignments, or ignoring household chores, procrastination can cause significant repercussions and have a major impact on your job, your grades, and your life.
Sometimes people have mental blocks and sometimes if something is troubling them they may avoid doing what urgently needs to be done.
Rather than run away from the problem tackle it head-on. There is no use trying to sweep it under the carpet because it will always be in the back of your mind.
You need to find the strength to deal with it.
Never leave things to the last minute, because if you do you will make things worse for yourself, you will make errors because you are hurrying and may not put all your thought into whatever you are trying to achieve. Students especially should give plenty of time to research, study, and understand.
Putting things off to the last minute may not give you ample time to finish the job.
You essentially will get yourself more worked up and stressed whereas if you had done it sooner you would not be in a fluster.
Don’t assume that projects won’t take as long to finish, this can lead to a false sense of security when you believe that you still have plenty of time to complete the tasks.
Staying focused and tackling undesirable jobs can help the job to be done quickly even though you may not always feel motivated. The reality is that if you wait until you’re in the right frame of mind to do certain tasks (especially ones you are not particularly looking forward to), you will probably find that the right time may never come and the task will never be completed.
A report published in 2007 on a meta-analysis in the Psychological Bulletin found that an outstanding 80% to 95% of college students procrastinated on a regular basis, especially when it came to completing assignments and coursework. According to researchers, there are some major cognitive distortions that lead to academic procrastination.
Students tend to:
Be bad at time management and may overestimate or underestimate how much time they have left to perform tasks and
Assume that they need to be in the right frame of mind to work
What Is Cognitive Bias?
Stress and depression can cause procrastination. It is the ability to avoid doing something that may urgently need doing and preoccupying one’s mind with something else that may be trivial. Feelings of hopelessness, helplessness, and a lack of energy can make it difficult to start (and finish) the simplest task. As an example, I have so many projects waiting to be written and I keep putting them off. I find I am a daydreamer and somehow am willing the projects to miraculously get written by themselves. I have decided to get this post published otherwise it would have lingered in my drafts. Depression can also lead to self-doubt. When you can’t figure out how to tackle a project or feel insecure about your abilities, you might find it easier to put it off.
Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD)
MY OCD is germ contamination, but I do have traits of perfectionism to make sure my articles are well-written and proofread before publication.
OCD is often linked with maladaptive perfectionism, which causes fears and anxieties about not messing things up or making new mistakes. It can also lead to doubts about whether you are doing something properly and worrying about what others may think of you or their expectations of you.
I am usually very organized and decisive although it is said that people with OCD also often have a propensity toward indecision, causing them to procrastinate rather than make an active decision. (This is true to a certain degree for me, because if I am anxious about a certain task I may avoid doing it or postpone it to the very last minute).
Research has found many adults with attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) find it hard to concentrate and thus struggle with procrastination.
A person who is not focused and is distracted with intrusive thoughts can find it hard to get started on a task, especially if that task is difficult or not interesting to them.
Is Procrastination a Mental Illness?
Although procrastination is not defined as a mental illness, in some cases, it may be symptomatic of an underlying mental health condition such as depression, OCD, or ADHD.
Why Do You Procrastinate?
When it comes to procrastination we often come up with a number of excuses to justify why we avoid doing things. According to researchers, there are 15 key reasons why people say they procrastinate:
Being unsure of what needs to be done
Being unsure of how to do something
Avoiding wanting to do something
Not bothered if it gets done or not
Not bothered when something gets done
Not being in the mood
Leaving things till the last minute
Thinking that you work better under pressure
Believing that you can finish it at the last minute
Lacking the motivation to get started
Not remembering to start something
Using sickness or poor health as an excuse
Believing that the best time to start is at the right moment
Thinking you need time to plan the task
Postponing one task in favor of working on another
Types of Procrastination
Some researchers classify two types of procrastinators: passive and active procrastinators.
Passive procrastinators: Postpone tasks because they have trouble making decisions and acting on them
Active procrastinators: Postpone tasks deliberately because working under pressure allows them motivated
Perfectionist: Avoiding tasks out of the fear of not being able to complete the job perfectly
Dreamer: Postpones or avoids tasks because they cannot complete the job thoroughly
Defier: Someone that believes their time cannot be dictated and they are in full control
Worrier: Postpones or Avoids tasks out of fear of change or leaving the comfort zone.
Crisis-maker: Postpones or avoids tasks because they like working under pressure and cannot deal with the stress
Overdoer: Someone that takes on too many jobs which may become overwhelming and may struggle to find time to start and complete one job never may several
Procrastinators vs. Non-Procrastinators
“Non-procrastinators do not have a care in the world they are very focused individuals that have good time management and can work under pressure and to deadlines. Non-procrastinators are assertive with strong personal identity do not care what others think about them. According to psychologist Piers Steel, people who don’t procrastinate tend to be high in the personality trait known as conscientiousness, one of the broad dispositions identified by the Big Five theory of personality. People who are high in conscientiousness also tend to be high in other areas including self-discipline, persistence, and personal responsibility.
When procrastination becomes chronic, it may begin to have a serious impact on a person’s daily life and this can become a serious issue. In such instances, it’s not just a matter of having poor time management skills, it’s a major part of their lifestyle.
Procrastinators may avoid paying their bills on time, may come into work late, or delay starting assignments until the night before the deadline, this could include delaying gift shopping until the day before a birthday, and even filing their income tax returns late.
Procrastination can have a serious impact on a person’s daily life routine, this, in turn, can cause serious health issues including mental health. Social, professional, and financial well-being can be affected including:
Significant higher levels of stress and illness
The increased burden placed on social relationships
People not understanding which leads to resentment from friends, family, co-workers, and fellow students
Financial Difficulty from the consequences of late bills and late payment charges.
Re-wire your mind, control your thoughts and stay focused.
Create a critical time path and map out each task in a journal or calendar, and set reminders.
Create a to-do list: To help keep you on track, consider placing a due date next to each item.
Take each step at a time, do not rush, and tick off each completed task. Take baby steps: Consider breaking down the items on your list into small, manageable steps.
Have time to meditate for 5 mins in the morning and 5 minutes before you go to bed.
Recognize intrusive thoughts and the warning signs, pay attention to any thoughts of procrastination and do your best to resist the urge. When you have a negative thought quickly put that thought into your imaginary bin and quickly replace it with a positive thought.
Create a tranquil setting where you cannot be disturbed. Eliminate all distractions including social media if you do not use them for business use.
Be self-disciplined, be assertive, and try to work slowly and take one task at a time.
Reward yourself with a self-gift for every task completed, it could be a simple bar of chocolate to a more expensive present you have been meaning to buy yourself. Knowing that once you have completed your task and looking forward to receiving your well-deserved purchase makes the job even more worthwhile.
An attitude is an emotion and belief (good or bad) portrayed by you or someone else.
In psychology, attitude is a psychological construct, a mental and emotional entity that inheres in or characterizes a person. In other words a definitive belief to a response to a situation.
A good attitude is being positive and optimistic, whilst a bad attitude is negative, judgemental, and pessimistic.
An attitude is a complex feeling and is an acquired state through life experiences and set beliefs.
Attitude is an individual’s predisposed state of mind that influences the individual’s thoughts and actions.
Prominent psychologist Gordon Allport described this latent psychological construct as “the most distinctive and indispensable concept in contemporary social psychology.” Simply put attitudes in psychology are the feelings individuals have about themselves and the world.
Attitude can be formed from a person’s past and present. Key topics in the study of attitudes include attitude strength, attitude change, consumer behavior, and attitude-behavior relationships.
For me, I have had to bite my tongue on many occasions of late when someone I have communicated with has a bad attitude and is very defensive.
I have had to tell myself this is not my fault, that this person must be going through some issues in his life that he is not telling the world about and has this attitude or invisible wall that he hides behind whilst hurling out abuse.
People that have a fear of failure will become defensive and have bad attitudes, going on their high horses shouting from the rooftops, and being loud so as not to give the game away.
People may have attitudes for the following reasons:
Afraid of failure. Some people feel emabarrassed, scared and vulnerable when we feel threatened, like a cornered animal. People put up invisible barriers to “protect” themselves by expecting the worst. We figure that if we don’t expect anything good to happen, we won’t experience any letdown when things don’t go well. We haven’t developed sufficient skills to deal with life not going our way, so we shoot down any relationship or project ahead of time.
Our role models (possibly our parents, teachers, partners, spouses or bosses) with negative or narcissistic controlling attitudes. We try to be strong and end up being defensive, so not to get hurt again.
Acceptance and Approval. We worry what other people think of us. We worry that other people might not approve of us or like us, we decide (either consciously or unconsciously) to beat them to the punch and “not like them first”.
Trauma. We have experienced significant trauma, hardship, relationship breakup, seperation or divorce, or failures, loss of a job, a business failure, including loss of a loved one.
Memories. We subconsciously replaying an issue with an authority figure or someone who controlled us a syndrome known as repetition compulsion. We cannot erase our memories and we cannot forget.
Mental Health Issues. We suffer from clinical depression and/or a chemical imbalance. In such cases, consulting a medical professional might be helpful.
Physical Health Problems. We have a medical condition that causes us to get depressed from worry or anxiety of not knowing if our illness is curable or if we are going to die.
A bad Attitude can cause a domino effect. Treat people like you would want to be treated. If you are rude and hurtful think of the consequences of your actions.
Do not pretend to be something you are not. I see enough of this on LinkedIn with people being false and writing false stories.
Never criticize anyone without being prepared to be criticized back. I had such an incident where I innocently complimented someone for their marketing efforts and said they should comment on other people’s posts and add a link. Well, that did not go down well and this said individual went on his high horse criticizing me so when I pointed out he should not be making posts “Buy my stuff, I need to feed the kids” because it does not look professional although I did not quite use those words. I simply thought if he can throw punches and call me “needy” he should take criticism also and I said what I thought to his marketing campaign which in turn caused him to go on the defense stating that “he can write what he wants” and that it was tongue in cheek humor which obviously backfired. Yes, that is true but he can write what he wants, but he should have also accepted criticism seeing he drew the first sword. But to go to the extreme and openly criticize me in front of his audience is very unprofessional, he should have if anything directly messaged me on a private chat. His argument was that I tried to hijack his post by putting my own link in (I was not selling anything to him or his network and possibly could have helped many people including himself). He then went on to block me like I really care. What he did not realize was I was planning to book a VIP Birthday for my 60th. It is not going to happen now because he was rude and obviously thinks so highly of himself to be super special which he is not. I am not upset about losing his acquaintance as he is two a penny in my eyes, but I am upset about my ruined birthday plans.
I won’t mention his name or what industry he is in as the detectives out there can easily track him down.
I will however promote someone else’s business in the same industry for free so that he knows he bit off more than he can chew. I will make sure the company will secure global positioning and be ahead of their competitors including him.
Have I got a bad attitude, no not really, but people who do me wrong should feel my wrath.
Generally speaking, I am a nice and kind person but God helps those that rattle my cage.
Yes, I am upset, I will get over it as I am a strong person and this feeling is only temporary.
Life goes on and this person is not the only person in his industry offering the service I wanted. As my daughter said, “it’s hard luck for him as he has lost a lot of business, through blocking me for no real reason”
Marketing – Adding links within posts providing you are not selling anything and they are quality links, they are not harmful and should not be deemed as unprofessional or an attempted highjacking of the author’s posts. In fact, social media does not penalize a person for having links inside their posts.
My LinkedIn post saying I was upset went viral and had lots of messages of support. So there are good people out there and I even had some sign-ups for my group “Disabled Entrepreneur”.
Treat people with respect and have a good attitude to life. Never criticize or be judgmental as this can cause mental health issues for the victim. Act professional and if you have something to say message the person privately, not publically.
If you are experiencing any issues please visit our useful links page or alternatively if you have difficultly finding support just drop us a line using the form below and we will be happy to send you some links. If your matter is urgent please contact your local doctor’s surgery or emergency services.
Feeling Suicidal is when a person is in a very dark place metaphorically speaking when they have lost the will to live and they see no other way of escaping from the nightmare they are in.
The rise in suicides likely to be linked to austerity – but the story behind each suicide is complex.
When a person has lost all hope and the will to live they cannot see anything else other than dying. They believe that once they die their nightmare will be over and they will not feel anguish, sadness, loneliness, or despair. They do believe the grass is greener on the other side but is it though?.. Some people believe if you commit suicide you go to hell. So if life feels like hell right now, the real hell will be far worse.
When a person falls into this state of feeling hopeless when nothing is working out fine for them and no one understands them or cares or bothers with them it is understandable they may sink deeper into the abyss.
Most of our depression is fueled by fear, loss, and grief. “Disabled Entrepreneur UK” covers all topics in all categories (I have linked some of the topics in this article).
There are many factors that can cause a person to feel so low:
They feel like a failure, they have nothing to show for their life, they fear failure.
They have lost their job.
They have lost their home, through evicition or natual disaster, divorce, seperation or money problems such as bankruptcy or not being able to keep up with the mortgage payments.
They have lost their family through death or family fued.
They have or are going through a divorce and are losing their home, their children and their money.
They have been robbed.
Their business is going under.
They have lost their life partner, through seperation, or death.
They have lost their child through miscarrage, illness or accidental death.
They are discriminated, humiliated or made a mockery of. They have people or institutes that judge them.
The have financial burdens that if their money was taken away how would they cope (benefits).
They feel no one cares or understands them and every time they reach out people do not take them seriously.
They are stuck in a physically and mentally abusive relationship.
They are being bullied in school or in the workplace.
Harrassment because of sexual orientation, religion, skin colour, beliefs, ethnicity.
They have no friends.
They feel lonely.
They feel the world has turned against them.
Their family and friends have turned against them because or their sexual orientation, religion or beliefs.
They are the abuser in a domstic viilent relationship and have they gone too far with their actions and feel worried they will get caught.
Many adults will experience feelings of hopelessness or suicidal thoughts at some point in their lives.
This could be because they do not have a close support network that understands them (friends/family/co-workers) and they may feel embarrassed to reach anyone in their network for the fear of being laughed at or for the worries they have to be brushed under the carpet so to speak.
SIGNSTO LOOK OUT FOR.
Crying For No Reason.
Hating Everything and Everyone.
Talking about Death or Suicide.
“If you are feeling suicidal, the most important thing is to talk to someone“.
“If authoritarian institutions try to judge or discriminate against a person for their mental health, remind them no one is perfect and everyone could be in the same shoes as a suicidal person one day feeling life is not worth living”.
When you feel sad and lonely and feel you have no one to turn to there are organizations specifically designed to help people going through what you are going through. They are not discriminating or judgemental they actually care about you as they would not be there otherwise. They are there to lend an ear, you do not even have to say your real name. You just need to take the brave steps to reach out that is all you have to do.
If you are going through a difficult time, you may be feeling isolated and disconnected from your friends, family, or other groups. It might it difficult to start a conversation about your feelings, therefore there are organizations such as the Samaritans that can listen to your problems and perhaps steer you in the right direction. But it’s important that you let the people around you know how you are feeling. It’s important to remember that people in these organizations care and will want to help you.
Saying that, be prepared for the people in your immediate circle that may be oblivious to your sadness and may try to back away because they have their own problems.
The best people to start with are the ones that have been professionally trained, such as a GP or Mental Health Organisation. Not everyone in your close network of friends and family will understand or even want to help you, so keep that in mind.
What to do if you are experiencing suicidal thoughts
Your GP should be the first point of contact for any issues affecting your physical and mental health, including suicidal thoughts. They will also be able to diagnose a state of depression or anything in your lifestyle that may be contributing to how you may be feeling.
If you do not have a GP but need to speak with a doctor urgently, you can call NHS non-emergency number on 111 and they will direct you to the nearest available walk-in centre or doctor’s surgery.
Tips for coping with suicidal feelings:
Try not to think about the future, just focus on the present and getting through the day, start by taking baby steps.
Avoid drugs or alcohol, these will only add fuel to the fire.
Go to a safe place like a friend’s house, family or public area, avoid being stuck at home alone, go somewhere where there are people around.
Start a journal, this could be a physical book or online blog.
Find a reason to help others through your personal story.
Do something you usually enjoy.
If you are about to harm yourself or have already done so, call 999 as soon as possible or go to Accident and Emergency (A&E) at the nearest hospital.
Professional suicide support services
If you’re feeling very low, you can contact any of the professional support services below for free.
Sane Line – call 0300 304 7000 (available 4.30pm – 10.30pm every day)
Papyrus Hopeline – call 0800 068 4141, text 07786209697 or email email@example.com (available 10am – 10pm weekdays, 2pm – 10pm weekends and bank holidays)
The Mental Health Foundation is concerned but not surprised by the latest UK suicide figures. They are in line with other evidence of the distress people are feeling, such as rates of self-harm and self-reported feelings of shame.
Some of the rises in the number of suicides may be due to a change in the rules in England and Wales about how coroners should record suicides. However, it is currently too soon to know what difference the change has made.
Whenever a person takes their own life, there is a complex story behind it.
There is also not a single simple explanation for the increase in the number of people taking their own lives, but it is likely to be linked with economic austerity. We know that suicide rates are linked with people’s uncertainty about their financial futures, unemployment, persistent inequality, loneliness, discrimination, and ill-health.(Citation/Credit).
Asking about suicide does not encourage it, nor does it lead a person to start thinking about it; in fact it may help prevent it, and can start a potentially life-saving conversation
Note From the Editor.
However, I have to agree to disagree, I suffer from Mental Health Issues and on my last PIP assessment I was asked that very question, have I had suicidal thoughts.
Firstly I would not admit to anyone if I had them or not.
Secondly if I did not have those thoughts I basically was given a loaded gun because if I was not thinking about it before, I most certainly was thinking it now and had a seed planted in my head, which I could have easily gone through with it had I have been in that state of mind.
“The difference is I do have everything to live for and can teach people including institutions asking someone directly if they are feeling suicidal can go one of two ways and one has to tread carefully”.
“One needs to be subtle and not cause a person to immediately go on the defense and on guard. No one will admit they feel suicidal especially to a stranger unless they actively are looking to get help and are prepared to get the support they need”.
For me personally, this crossed my mind on the odd occasion, but I was not telling a PIP assessor who I did not know and besides my own personal story is complex, it is not one incident but many incidents with many people’s/entities actions that I can blame over many years that have caused me to feel depressed”.
“As I walked away with a loaded gun that the PIP Assessor had metaphorically given and had I not found the strength to over-ride my thoughts I very much doubt you would be reading my story today”.
I have since learned that one can over-ride one’s thoughts with neuroscience which I am actively researching. I hope to publish my findings in the near future.
What assessors should ask instead is:
Have you been feeling low?
Do you feel you can talk to someone?
How often do you feel low?
Do you have friends or family you can talk to?
Do you feel hopeless?
Do you feel worthless?
Do you feel the world is against you?
Do you know of any support networks you can reach out to?
Do you turn to alcohol or recreational drugs to surpress your thoughts?
Do you feel your thoughts are very intrusive?
Do you isolate yourself from society?
Can you cope with life?
Do you have any hobbies?
Do you feel proud of yourself?
Has anyone tried to hurt you physically or mentally?
World Health Organisation:
According to “WHO” Nearly 800,000 people die by suicide in the world each year, which is roughly one death every 40 seconds.
Suicide is the 2nd leading cause of death in the world for those aged 15-24 years.
Depression is the leading cause of disability worldwide.
FINAL THOUGHTS FROM THE EDITOR.
When someone you know looks or behaves not their usual self, ask them if they are ok and that they can talk to you whenever they want with no pressure. Always be kind to people as you do not know what they are going through or feeling.
Never be judgemental or dictate to them what they should or should not do. Everyone has the ability to make their own decisions for their own reasons. If you have an opinion tell it once, it is up to the person to listen, continue bombarding the person with your opinions will eventually make the person withdraw from you. If people do not want to listen or take on board your advice do not force it on them.
If you say you are going to phone someone, stick to it, and never give empty promises as that person could just be waiting for you (CD) as there are consequences to our actions.
Do not be that family member that only reaches out once a year at Christmas. Phone the person regularly throughout the year. Get the distant relative involved in your life, do not disregard them like leftover meat. Phone them if they are not inclined to meet with you.
If you are a good person you will spread awareness that people do not have to go through things alone, share your story so that people can relate to you.
If you do not have a job and no one wants to employ you, then create a job and be your own boss. I can motivate and inspire anyone.
Nothing is so bad that you cannot overcome the problem(s) you are faced with, believe me, I know, I have been there, done that, and got the t-shirt. In fact, it did cross my mind on the odd occasion but found a way to get through it. Besides, I have a family and a business I am grateful for having a roof over my head and food to eat. Find the things you are grateful for and think there is always someone worse off than you. Where there is a will there is a way. Obstacles are there so that we can learn how to overcome them. Life is a lesson to be learned.
So if I can survive with everything I have gone through over the years, so can you.
Suicide is so very final and there is no guarantee what you will be faced with on the other side. It could be as some believe that people who commit suicide go straight to hell and some countries do not give people proper burials just dump their bodies in mass graves. It’s ironic that the actor who played the character Chris Nielsen (Robin Williams) “What Dreams May Come” in a film about suicide, committed suicide. Even famous people have demons and get depressed. (Rich and Depressed).
I have been pushed to my limits many times including when I lost both my parents and my brother but I have also had to deal with domestic violence not to mention losing someone I loved. This is part of the grieving process.
There will always be people who will try to be judgemental and will think they are better than you. Let it all go over your head, no one on this planet is better than you. Just because they may be more educated, have social status, or are some sort of institution or royalty, behind every company, there is a human being doing exactly the same as you, eating, sleeping, and surviving.
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