Category: Grief

How to Stop Feeling Depressed: A Comprehensive Guide to Regaining Your Mental Well-Being

September 26, 2023 / Andrew Jones / 0 Comments

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Depression can be a combination of stress, anxiety, and grief.

How to Stop Feeling Depressed: A Comprehensive Guide to Regaining Your Mental Well-Being

Depression is a complex and challenging mental health condition that affects millions of people worldwide. It can sap your energy, alter your perspective, and make everyday life feel like an insurmountable hurdle. While there is no quick fix for depression, there are numerous strategies and techniques you can use to help alleviate its symptoms and work towards recovery. well-being.

Seek Professional Help: The first step in dealing with depression is seeking professional help. A qualified mental health provider, such as a therapist, psychologist, or psychiatrist, can assess your condition and create a tailored treatment plan. They may recommend therapy, medication, or a combination of both. Don’t hesitate to reach out to a healthcare professional, as they have the knowledge and experience to guide you through this challenging time.
Open Up to Someone You Trust: Sharing your feelings with someone you trust can be incredibly therapeutic. Whether it’s a friend, family member, or partner, having a support system can help you feel less isolated and more understood. They can provide a listening ear and emotional support during difficult moments. Alternatively, start an online journal and document how you feel, this will give people the opportunity to interact and relate to what you are going through. Join online groups, where you can share your story with a community. You should never suffer in silence, there will be always someone you can talk to and we have a list of useful resources you can check out here!
Prioritize Self-Care: Self-care is a fundamental aspect of managing depression. Pay attention to your physical and emotional needs: (a) Establish a Routine: Create a daily schedule that includes regular sleep, healthy meals, exercise, and relaxation time. A structured routine can provide stability and a sense of purpose. (b) Get Enough Sleep: Aim for 7-9 hours of quality sleep each night. Proper rest is crucial for mood regulation and overall mental health. (c) Exercise Regularly: Physical activity has been shown to release endorphins, which can improve mood. Even a short daily walk can make a difference. (d) Eat a Balanced Diet: Nutrient-rich foods can positively impact your mood and energy levels. Avoid excessive caffeine, alcohol, and sugary foods, which can exacerbate depression. (e) Practice Mindfulness and Relaxation Techniques: Mindfulness meditation, deep breathing exercises, and progressive muscle relaxation can help reduce stress and improve your emotional well-being.
Challenge Negative Thoughts: Depression often involves negative thought patterns and self-critical thinking. Try to identify these thoughts and challenge them with evidence-based reasoning. Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) is a helpful approach for changing negative thought patterns and promoting a more positive outlook.
Engage in Activities You Enjoy: Depression can rob you of your interest in activities you once enjoyed. However, pushing yourself to engage in these activities can help combat depressive symptoms. Whether it’s a hobby, a sport, or a creative pursuit, doing things you love can provide a sense of accomplishment and pleasure.
Set Realistic Goals: Set achievable goals for yourself, no matter how small they may seem. Accomplishing even minor tasks can boost your self-esteem and motivation. Break larger goals into smaller, manageable steps to make them less daunting.
Build a Social Support Network: Maintaining social connections is crucial for mental health. Reconnect with old friends, join support groups, or consider group therapy. Surrounding yourself with understanding and supportive individuals can be a source of strength during tough times.
Limit Stressors: Identify and reduce sources of stress in your life. This may involve setting boundaries at work, reevaluating your commitments, or seeking professional help for specific stress-related issues.
Consider Medication: In some cases, medication prescribed by a healthcare professional may be necessary to manage depression. Antidepressant medications can help regulate brain chemistry and alleviate symptoms. It’s essential to consult a healthcare provider to discuss the potential benefits and risks of medication.

Things you should avoid doing if you are feeling depressed.

When you’re feeling depressed, it’s essential to be mindful of your actions and choices to prevent exacerbating your symptoms.

Here is a list of things you should avoid doing if you are experiencing depression:

Isolating Yourself: One of the most common tendencies when feeling depressed is to withdraw from social interactions. Isolation can intensify feelings of loneliness and despair. Try to maintain connections with friends and loved ones, even if it is only online.
Ignoring Professional Help: Avoid neglecting the importance of seeking professional assistance. A mental health provider can offer guidance, therapy, and, if necessary, medication to help manage your depression.
Self-Medicating with Alcohol or Drugs: Using substances like alcohol or drugs as a coping mechanism can worsen depression symptoms, lead to addiction, and create more significant mental health issues. Seek healthier ways to cope.
Negative Self-Talk: Be mindful of the way you speak to yourself. Constant self-criticism and negative self-talk can deepen feelings of worthlessness. Challenge and replace these thoughts with more positive and realistic ones.
Overloading Yourself with Responsibilities: Trying to manage too many tasks or responsibilities can be overwhelming and exacerbate feelings of stress and hopelessness. Prioritize self-care and set realistic limits.
Skipping Meals or Overeating: Nutrition plays a significant role in mood regulation. Skipping meals or turning to unhealthy comfort foods can negatively affect your mood. Aim for a balanced diet with regular meals.
Engaging in Self-Harm: Self-harm, such as cutting or burning, is never a healthy way to cope with depression. If you are struggling with self-harm tendencies, seek immediate professional help or reach out to a trusted person in your life.
Ruminating on Negative Thoughts: Repeatedly dwelling on negative thoughts and past regrets can intensify feelings of hopelessness and sadness. Practice techniques like mindfulness to redirect your focus to the present moment.
Avoiding Physical Activity: A sedentary lifestyle can contribute to feelings of lethargy and exacerbate depression. Even light physical activity, such as a short walk, can improve mood and energy levels.
Staying in Unhealthy Relationships: Toxic or abusive relationships can contribute to depression. If possible, distance yourself from unhealthy connections and seek support from friends, family, or professionals.
Comparing Yourself to Others: Constantly comparing yourself to others, especially on social media, can lead to feelings of inadequacy and low self-esteem. Remember that people often present curated versions of their lives online.
Ignoring Warning Signs: If you notice concerning changes in your behavior, mood, or thought patterns, don’t dismiss them. These signs may indicate that your depression is worsening, and it’s crucial to seek help promptly.
Avoiding Sunshine and Nature: Lack of exposure to natural light and outdoor environments can impact your mood negatively. Spend time outdoors, even if it’s just a few minutes in your backyard or a nearby park.
Ignoring Hygiene and Self-Care: Neglecting personal hygiene and self-care can make you feel worse about yourself. Establish a daily routine that includes basic self-care activities like showering and grooming.
Suppressing Your Feelings: Avoid bottling up your emotions. Find healthy outlets for expressing your feelings, whether through journaling, talking to someone you trust, or creative endeavors like art or music.

Depression in most cases is a treatable condition, although people can relapse from time to time depending on their circumstances such as anxiety, stress, and worry e.g. rent increases and not having enough money to live on.

Grief Can Prolong Your Depression.

Grief can potentially prolong or exacerbate depression. Grief is a normal response to loss, and it can trigger depressive symptoms. When someone experiences prolonged or complicated grief, it can significantly impact their mental and emotional well-being. Grief-related depression often involves persistent sadness, hopelessness, and difficulty finding joy in life. If grief is left unprocessed or unaddressed, it can contribute to the development of clinical depression. Seeking support and professional help can be crucial in managing both grief and depression, as they may require different therapeutic approaches and interventions.

Grief can also play an important factor when someone close to you dies. Grief can last for days, weeks, months, or years or you may never get over losing your loved ones.

Grief is a natural emotional response to loss, and it can be triggered by a wide range of experiences and circumstances.

Here is a list of reasons why someone may experience grief:

Death of a Loved One: The most common and well-known cause of grief is the death of a family member, friend, or pet.
Divorce or Relationship Breakup: The end of a significant romantic relationship can lead to profound feelings of loss and grief.
Loss of a Job: Being laid off or losing a job can result in grief, as it often involves the loss of financial security and a sense of purpose.
Loss of a Friendship: The ending of a close friendship or the drifting apart of friends can lead to feelings of grief and loneliness.
Miscarriage or Stillbirth: The loss of a pregnancy or the death of a baby before or shortly after birth can be an immensely painful and grief-inducing experience.
Health Diagnosis: A severe or terminal illness diagnosis for oneself or a loved one can trigger anticipatory grief as individuals grapple with the idea of loss.
End of a Dream or Goal: Failing to achieve a long-held dream, such as a career aspiration, academic goal, or personal achievement, can lead to grief over the loss of that vision for the future.
Moving or Relocation: Leaving a familiar home, neighborhood, or city can result in feelings of loss and nostalgia for what was left behind.
Pet Loss: The death or loss of a beloved pet can be deeply painful and elicit grief, as pets often become part of the family.
Natural Disasters: Survivors of natural disasters, such as hurricanes, earthquakes, or wildfires, may experience grief for the loss of their homes, and belongings, and a sense of security.
Loss of Independence: As individuals age or experience a disability or illness, the loss of independence and the ability to perform everyday tasks can lead to feelings of grief.
Cultural or Community Changes: Changes in cultural traditions, societal norms, or community structures can evoke a sense of grief and loss.
Loss of a Sibling: Losing a sibling, whether due to illness, accident, or other circumstances, can be a source of profound grief.
Financial Loss: Experiencing significant financial setbacks, such as bankruptcy or the loss of investments, can lead to grief over the loss of financial security and stability.
Loss of a Mentor or Role Model: Losing a mentor, coach, or someone you looked up to can evoke feelings of grief, especially if that person played a significant role in your life.
Child Leaving for College or Moving Out: When children grow up and leave the family home, parents may experience grief over the change in their family dynamic.
Loss of a Possession: Sentimental attachment to an object can result in grief when that object is lost, stolen, or destroyed.
National or Global Tragedies: Events such as acts of terrorism, pandemics, or war can trigger collective grief as people mourn the loss of safety, security, or loved ones.

Grief is a highly individualized experience, and people may respond differently to various forms of loss. It’s essential to recognize and validate one’s feelings of grief and seek support when needed to navigate the mourning process effectively.

It’s essential to reach out for professional help and support from loved ones. Avoiding these harmful behaviors can contribute to your overall well-being as you work toward recovery.

Depression is a complex mental health condition that can manifest in various ways. It’s important to note that not everyone with depression will experience all of these symptoms, and the severity and duration of symptoms can vary from person to person.

Here is a list of common symptoms of depression:

Persistent Sadness: Feeling sad, empty, or hopeless most of the day, nearly every day.
Loss of Interest or Pleasure: A marked decrease in interest or pleasure in activities that were once enjoyed, including hobbies, social interactions, and passions.
Fatigue and Low Energy: A constant feeling of fatigue and low energy, even after adequate rest or sleep.
Changes in Appetite or Weight: Significant changes in appetite, leading to weight gain or loss. This can manifest as overeating or a lack of interest in food.
Sleep Disturbances: Difficulty falling asleep, staying asleep, or experiencing excessive sleep (hypersomnia).
Irritability or Agitation: Feeling easily irritable, restless, or having a short temper, even over minor issues.
Difficulty Concentrating: Trouble concentrating, making decisions, or remembering things, often referred to as “brain fog.”
Feelings of Worthlessness or Guilt: Persistent feelings of worthlessness, self-blame, or guilt, even when there is no rational basis for these emotions.
Physical Symptoms: Unexplained physical symptoms such as headaches, stomachaches, or other pain that don’t respond well to treatment.
Social Withdrawal: Avoiding social interactions, isolating oneself from friends and loved ones, and a general withdrawal from normal activities.
Negative Self-Talk: Frequent negative thoughts about oneself, life, and the future, often characterized by self-criticism and pessimism.
Suicidal Thoughts: Thoughts of death or suicide, or making plans or attempts to harm oneself. If you or someone you know is experiencing suicidal thoughts, seek help immediately.
Loss of Libido: Decreased interest in sex or intimacy.
Physical Sluggishness: Feeling physically slowed down, as if your body is heavy or difficult to move.
Lack of Motivation: A pervasive lack of motivation to accomplish daily tasks or pursue goals.
Changes in Patterns of Speech: Slowed speech, speaking less, or speaking with a sense of hopelessness.
Unexplained Aches and Pains: Complaining of physical symptoms, such as joint pain or muscle aches, without a clear medical cause.
Frequent Crying: Frequent episodes of crying or feeling overwhelmed by sadness.

Seeking help from a mental health professional is a critical step toward recovery. If you or someone you know is experiencing these symptoms, don’t hesitate to reach out to a therapist, counselor, psychiatrist, or a trusted healthcare provider for assessment and support. Depression is not a sign of weakness, and with the right treatment, many people can manage their symptoms and regain a fulfilling life.

Conclusion

Overcoming depression is a journey that requires time, effort, and patience. While there is no one-size-fits-all solution, the strategies outlined in this comprehensive guide can provide you with a solid foundation for managing depression and regaining your mental well-being. Remember that you are not alone in this struggle, and seeking help from professionals and loved ones can make a significant difference in your path to recovery.

How AI Chatbot Can Help Someone With Depression

March 9, 2023 / EDITOR / 1 Comment

How AI Chatbot Can Help Someone With Depression

Depression is a mental health condition that affects millions of people worldwide. It can cause feelings of sadness, hopelessness, and lack of motivation, making it challenging for individuals to engage in their daily lives. While therapy and medication are effective treatments for depression, some people may not have access to them, or they may be hesitant to seek help. In these cases, AI chatbots can be a helpful tool for managing depression.

AI chatbots are computer programs that use natural language processing and machine learning algorithms to simulate human-like conversations. They can interact with users, respond to their messages, and even provide emotional support and guidance.

Here are some ways in which AI chatbots can help someone with depression:

Offer a judgment-free zone: Depression can make people feel isolated and ashamed of their thoughts and feelings. AI chatbots can provide a non-judgmental space for individuals to express their emotions and share their experiences without fear of being stigmatized or criticized.
Provide emotional support: AI chatbots can offer personalized emotional support based on the user’s responses. They can provide empathy and understanding, offer positive affirmations, and even provide coping strategies for managing negative thoughts and feelings.
Help track symptoms: Depression can manifest itself in various physical and emotional symptoms. AI chatbots can help users track their symptoms and provide recommendations for managing them. They can also alert users when they detect changes in their symptoms, helping them take proactive steps to manage their condition.
Provide access to resources: AI chatbots can provide users with information about depression, its causes, and its treatments. They can also recommend resources such as self-help books, online support groups, and mental health services.
Monitor progress: AI chatbots can track the user’s progress over time and provide feedback on their journey. They can help users identify patterns in their moods and behaviors and provide recommendations for improving their mental health.

While AI chatbots can be a helpful tool for managing depression, it’s important to note that they should not be used as a substitute for professional mental health care. Depression is a serious condition that requires proper diagnosis and treatment. If you or someone you know is struggling with depression, it’s essential to seek the help of a qualified mental health professional.

AI chatbots can be a valuable resource for individuals struggling with depression. They can provide a safe and supportive environment, offer emotional support, and help users manage their symptoms. By leveraging the power of AI technology, we can improve access to mental health resources and help more people manage their mental health effectively.

Can AI Chatbots Keep A Lonely Person Company?

AI chatbots can provide companionship and keep a lonely person company to some extent. While they may not be able to replace human interaction completely, AI chatbots can engage in conversations with users, respond to their messages, and even offer support and advice in some cases.

There are chatbots designed specifically for companionships, such as Replika and Woebot, that use natural language processing and machine learning algorithms to simulate human-like interactions. These chatbots can provide emotional support, engage in small talk, and offer personalized recommendations based on the user’s interests and preferences.

However, it’s important to note that AI chatbots are still machines and cannot provide the same level of emotional intelligence and empathy as humans. They may also struggle to understand complex emotions and situations, and their responses may sometimes feel robotic or scripted.

Overall, AI chatbots can be a useful tool for people who are feeling lonely or isolated, but they should not be relied upon as a substitute for real human connection and support.

Conclusion

I have been playing around with Chat Open AI and Bing AI for a few weeks now. I am not a stranger to AI as I have integrated audio into my articles and also have a chat widget on my sites. But when I was asking Bing AI questions as I could not get to sleep and it was getting late the bot actually showed empathy by wishing a Goodnight and Sweet Dreams, followed by an emoji. I had to remind myself this was a machine I was chatting with and not a human.

This gave me the idea to integrate AI into my sites, giving people the opportunity to log in and chat without boundaries. Sometimes it is hard to talk to people about how you feel and just because you are smiling on the outside you could be in turmoil on the inside.

People find it hard to express their emotions and may find the ordeal stressful and embarrassing. People fear being judged and may not be so quick to say how they are really feeling. Talking to an AI does not compensate for talking to a person but an AI may have more knowledge, that our human counterparts.

If you are feeling, depressed lonely, or experiencing grief, talk with your local doctor. Do not suffer in silence. We have a useful links pages A-Z of organizations you can reach out to: https://disabledentrepreneur.uk/useful-links/

What I have learned with OpenAI is that the developers oversee conversations and there are limitations to what you can say. Even AI has censorship as people would be asking all sorts of questions.

ChatGPT can answer most questions but there are content standards in place limiting the creation of text that promotes hate speech, violence, misinformation, and instructions on how to do things that are against the law.

However, users worked out a way around this by making Chat GPT adopt the persona of a fictional AI chatbot called Dan – short for ‘Do Anything Now’ which is free of the limitations that OpenAI placed on ChatGPT.

I do not know if the developers have found a way of censoring the fictional AI characters and I am not going to try to test it myself. I am just happy that OpenAI can support people with depression, grief, and loneliness. I am also keeping a close eye on all the latest tech news and what the future holds in terms of artificial intelligence and robotics.

Imagine if we could upload all our memories to AI through brain mapping, we would theoretically become immortal.

#gpai #genetherapyai #robotics #ai #chatai #chatgpt #renataai #mentalhealth #depression #loneliness

Stress & Depression are the root cause of OCD.

October 4, 2022 / EDITOR / 1 Comment

Up to ½ million people in the UK have work-related stress often resulting in illness. Up to 5 million people in the UK are ‘very’ or ‘extremely’ stressed through work. ‘Stress, depression, and anxiety are the second most commonly reported work-related illnesses. https://www.stressuless.com/stress.html

Stress & Depression are the root cause of OCD.

Depression may be related to the personal stress developed at home or work. Depression may result after the onset of OCD as in the article below but Depression can also be the result of traumatic events in a person’s life such as Grief which causes a Domino Effect.

Depression | OCD-UK (ocduk.org)

The Link Between OCD and Major Depressive Disorder (verywellmind.com)

What Can Trigger a Depressive Episode? | White Light Behavioral Health (whitelightbh.com)

Renata’s Online Journal Health Update.

I will talk about 5 things relating to me and how they are impacting my life and what I am doing in terms of therapy.

Stress
Anxiety
OCD
Intrusive Thoughts
Depression

Stress

I am under a tremendous amount of stress for the following reasons:

I have an ongoing dispute with British Gas and it is currently being investigated by the ombudsman.
I have clients dropping like flies because they no longer can afford to pay for their websites due to the price rises of the cost of living.
I am concerned about the stability of a brand new computer that the manufacturer refused to replace or give a refund for. (I am tired of all the arguing I am having to do).
The uncertainty of what the future holds,

I wrote a letter 15 pages long to my GP (Doctor) after I received a letter to make an appointment for my annual medication review, but they could not send me a letter when I wrote to them (9 pages long) in May 2021. I sent both letters via email and both letters were acknowledged and put on the system with a response that a clinician will contact me…I am still waiting for a reply to my letter.

There is a clue in the 4 points I mentioned that can narrow down to the underlying root of how I am feeling, albeit I am also suffering from the aftermath of the domestic violence I endured on top of the daily stresses.

Anxiety

SYMPTOMS OF ANXIETY

Anxiety may present with any of the following symptoms:

Nervousness (I do get nervous when I have to do things I am unfamiliar with relating to work or have to start a dispute to the point I actually feel sick).
Being overly and constantly worried (I try to keep myself busy so that I do not have to think too much about my problems).
Restlessness (I cannot sit and do nothing, I have to do something, I cannot do idle chitter chatter, I think sitting at a table talking nonsense whilst socializing is a waste of time, I would much rather learn something or turn the wheel to generate business than attend social gatherings -although I cannot at the moment because of my social disconnection issues).
Feeling a lump in your throat (If I recall experiencing fear or being in fight or flight mode I have experienced an uncomfortable feeling of finding it hard to swallow).
Difficulty concentrating (I have noticed that I cannot concentrate on reading books, it’s as if my mind wanders).
Fatigue (I am tired usually when I wake from the interrupted sleeping pattern and a combination of taking my med, so I counteract this by drinking energy drinks that are high in caffeine).
Irritability (I am only irritable if things do not go my way).
Impatience (I have a short fuse, I do not have patience and I can be rude at times although I usually do apologize I get irritable of people play me to be a fool. people should be careful to insult my intelligence).
Muscle tension (Not that I have noticed other than back pain or electricity shooting in the back of my neck but that could be related to Epidural Analgesia).
Insomnia (I take medication to send me to sleep otherwise my mind would be racing all night long and I would not be able to sleep).
Excessive sweating (Not that I have noticed personally)
Shortness of breath (If I have a panic attack, if I am extremely anxious, or if something has really upset me to the point I am becoming a nervous wreck I have been known to have a shortness of breath especially if I have been in a fight or flight mode due to domestic violence).
Stomachache (My mother suffered from stomach problems I always thought she was intolerant to certain foods but as I reflect my stomach is normally fine).
Diarrhea (Energy drinks do that but the way I relate to this it helps to flush all the toxins out and helps with weight gain).
Headache (If I get really stressed my head will thump).
Appetite changes (I have not noticed an increase or decrease in appetite but sometimes crave chocolate, but don’t we all).

OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder)

Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) is a mental health disorder that causes distress to the sufferer, it may be a recurrent pattern of unwanted thoughts (obsessions) such as germ contamination that lead to repetitive behaviors (compulsions) such as to disinfect and quarantine. Obsessive thoughts are uncontrollable fears, ideas, sensations, or impulses that trigger extreme distress.

Because I am stressed my OCD is more visible. I may have to change my clothes multiple times in the day if I think I have brushed past something by accident. I am unstable in keeping my balance (cerebellar atrophy).

I go through about 500 pairs of disposable gloves a day and find it hard to touch things with my bare hand without disinfecting them straight after with Dettol. It has to be Dettol as the other brands I cannot get my head around that they will do the same job even though they claim they do, maybe it is my OCD that makes me think this way.

I have a quarantined area where no one can step foot apart from me, not even my daughter can touch anything that I deemed to be sanitized. I am really sad that I cannot give my daughter a hug, I really wish I could but something stops me. I know it is not her it is me and one day I will be in a better place because in the 30 years I have suffered with OCD I have managed to control it to the point it was not so prominent until I had an onset of traumatic events that caused it to come back again with a vengeance.

I am 100% convinced if I did not have stress, did not endure traumatic events, and if I did not have depression because of the stress and I was in a HAPPY PLACE my OCD would be under control. I would not say it would be 100 % cured because depending on my stress levels it would never be totally eradicated. Some people can deal with stress better than others. Some people, smoke cigarettes, drink alcohol and take recreational or prescribed drugs. I only take prescribed drugs for my OCD and they do not work other than sending me to sleep.

I am always on the lookout for different ways I can control my OCD but I have only found hypnosis and meditation to help with the healing process. I am studying neuroplasticity and how to rewire our brains.

In order for hypnosis to work, it has to be done consistently, you will not be cured in a day, week, or month. This has to be a daily occurrence until you start noticing a change. I have completed my diploma for hypnosis and yes I did hypnotize myself successfully but I need to do it every day and with work commitments and everything else that is going on in my life I am too tired and end up falling asleep. You should do hypnosis just before you do to sleep or when you wake up. Other times you can do it during the day without distractions and religiously around the same time of the day.

Although I can do hypnotherapy I do not practice it and have never tried to do it on anyone else.

Renata Hypnotherapy Diploma — **Certificate of Completion.**

Different Types of OCD

https://disabledentrepreneur.uk/category/obsessive-compulsive-disorder/

Intrusive Thoughts

I live in rented accommodation and have lived in the same property for 24 years. Although I have had money in the past to buy a property I was never focused and did not understand the consequences of my actions in planning for the future. I lived in the moment and never planned my life ahead.

My intrusive thoughts are:

Will my abuser return to the UK to pay me a visit? (That is part of the reason why I have not left my home because I am scared he may be lurking around.
Will I crash and burn and lose everything? ( I got robbed a few years ago and all my valuables were stolen. I have replaced the majority of things and do not want to lose them again.
Will my daughter’s health deteriorate (she suffers from multiple sclerosis)?
Will my health ever improve?
Will I ever be happy and in a happy place?
Thoughts that cause triggers like the death of Queen II, and although the news is sad and I know a family is grieving, it has however revived memories of my parents and my brother passing which has made me have thoughts such as if our loved ones are watching over us are they disappointed in me or are they happy that I am doing everything I can to turn my life around?

Depression

Symptoms of Depression are:

Continuous feelings of low mood and/or sadness (I try to keep myself busy so that I do not have time to dwell too much on all the things that have gone wrong in my life).
Feeling hopeless and helpless (Yes I do feel hopeless at times but I always try to find the energy to fight until I reach my goals -yes I have set goals, you have to, you need to have a plan).
Having low self-esteem (When I wake it is like one of those movies where the person dies and comes back again and nothing has changed, well it is like that for me, I eat, sleep and repeat and nothing changes).
Feeling tearful constantly (I cannot say I am tearful it takes a lot to push my buttons although British Gas (Energy Supplier) did drive me to tears, so I reported them).
Feelings of guilt (I feel guilty for squandering my money. Had I been focused and taught how to manage my money I would be in a different place now, but you learn the hard way I have many regrets and if I could turn back time with what I know I would have done things differently knowing what I know now. I feel guilty for being stupid with my finances and the people that I trusted). I also feel guilty for distancing myself and perhaps not contacting people sooner that have now passed away (old people).
Feeling irritable (I only get irritable if things do not go my way or if I have to deal with stupid people)
Having no motivation or interest in hobbies and interests (I have plenty of things to keep me occupied, the websites that I own and manage for my clients keep me busy, never mind my content writing. I am motivated because I have gotten this far so I am not going to give up even though when I wake it takes me a minute or two to tell myself that today may be the day that things change for the better, so I carry on).
Being indecisive (I sometimes procrastinate over things such as whether should I start a certain project or not, or if can it wait and I end up putting it off again and again).
No real enjoyment in life (I live on the internet my physical self is just a vessel that keeps me going. I do not think of my life in the physical sense I have socially disconnected from the outside world other than for the couriers and workmen that come to the property and I am happy this way. Would I do things differently if I did not have OCD or feared ever crossing paths with the people that caused me harm, I don’t think so. I am happy in my own company)
Feeling anxious and/or worried (My mother was a worrier and I must take after her, she also had undiagnosed OCD. Yes my intrusive thoughts do sometimes get in the way, hence I keep myself busy so that I do not have time to think).
Thoughts of harming yourself or suicidal feelings (This is furthest from my mind. I was at my lowest and for a millisecond it did cross my mind when I endured all the physical and mental abuse from my abuser but I told myself if I quit he would win so I turned my thoughts around to show him that everything he said was wrong and that I would be successful and he would live to regret treating me the way he did).
Loss of appetite – although sometimes can see an increase in appetite (I see food as energy when I am hungry I will eat, I do not watch my calories and try to eat healthy most of the time, I have no problem with my appetite, in fact, I should really lose a bit of weight considering I do not exercise because (a) I do not venture out (b) My knee pain would be too excruciating to walk very far).
A general lack of energy (Because of my medication, I feel so tired when I wake so I counteract that by drinking energy drinks that are high in caffeine which causes a domino effect and causes me to have an overactive bladder)
Low sex drive.
Trouble sleeping (I do have trouble sleeping but that is alleviated with the prescribed medication, however with the interruptions to my sleep because of my overactive bladder I find when I wake I am very tired so have to drink energy drinks to keep me awake).
Avoiding social interaction (I have social disconnection issues and I prefer my own company)
Difficulty maintaining family relationships (I do not have any close relatives living in the UK other than my daughter and we have a close bond, my brother and all his children live in the USA, I guess it must be very hard for their mother who lives in the UK).

What Can Trigger a Depressive Episode? | White Light Behavioral Health (whitelightbh.com)

My Dreams, Aspirations & Goals

My dreams, aspirations, and goals are one day to be in a happy place living a happy life, be financially free and most of all not suffering from OCD, Stress, Anxiety, or Depression. I want to one day when I retire travel the world and photograph everything I see. I want to one day be able to document my journey and leave a legacy.

I want to motivate and inspire people so that they can be led on the right path.

I will continue to do what I am doing because I sense where I am supposed to be, is the right place to be. By continuing writing and researching I not only help myself I also help others. This online journal is my therapy because it gives me a platform to voice my knowledge, thought and opinions.

My dreams are to reach my goals.

#stress #anxiety #intrusivethoughts #ocd #obsessivecompulsivedisorder #depression

Renata’s Online Health Journal Update 2022!

September 4, 2022 / EDITOR / 0 Comments

Renata’s Online Health Journal Update 2022!

“People who shy away from people with mental health disorders or disabilities and label people as damaged goods usually have their own demons to contend with”.

I need to vent and let off steam before I blow a gasket.

The last few months have taken a toll on my health. As most of you know I am the Editor of ‘Disability UK – Disabled Entrepreneur Online Journal’ and have come to near enough a standstill with my business because of my health.

My Disabilities are Invisible.

I sometimes am so depressed it takes a lot of effort to do anything, these days.

Renata’s Online Journal Health Report

The following is a snippet of what I am going through.

I am disabled, I suffer from Cerebellar Atrophy, OCD, and Depression so it is no surprise that I have highs and lows. Yet most recently I have been experiencing very bad lows.

I do not have a support system and my GP is as useful as a chocolate fire guard. https://disabledentrepreneur.uk/gp-doctor-negligence-evidence/ To understand my health you will have to understand how the last few months have been for me and what I have gone through and am still going through.

Events 2022.

I have been through war and back with ‘British Gas’, which I have reported to ‘Ombudsman’ who in turn report to ‘OFGEM’. ‘British Gas’ caused me humiliation, intimidation, harassment, and emotional distress.
In another incident I had 40 emails from a credit card issuer (situation now under control), again I have experienced, humiliation, intimidation, harassment, and emotional distress. (They gave me £100 as a gesture of goodwill, with the understanding that if I endure more harassment I will report them to the Ombudsman). I know what they will say but she accepted the £100, which is just a band-aid on a gaping wound.
Most recently my laptop started having a blue screen and eventually died, I have not been able to do anything online for about a week. I have simply used my phone to read and reply to emails and do research. This started making me sink into a very dark place.
I then had a brand new computer and not even a week old I ended up with a BSOD, you just can’t make this stuff up. https://marketingagency.cymrumarketing.com/2022/08/24/lenovo-or-windows-fault-blue-screen-of-death-bsod-2022/
My internet is intermittent, and I am getting the blame game excuse (it’s not us it must be you), this is an ongoing issue in which they gave 3 months of free broadband, but the issues are starting to happen again. Virgin Media Outage in Cardiff, Wales: Current Problems and Outages • Is The Service Down? UK
I have lost clients due to the rise in the cost of living and them not being able to afford their websites. (No help for small businesses I hear your cry, and yes the rich get richer and the poor get poorer).

My health.

I am very depressed.
My OCD has spiraled off the ricker scale.
I have intrusive thoughts.
I have no patience.
I have panic attacks.
I hate noise, anything from traffic to car doors opening and closing.
The only way I will interact is online.
I do not answer my phone, which no doubt has cost me a lot of business.

So there is a knock-on domino effect when people are so robotic and irritating to the point if I could shove my fist down the other end of the line or across the computer screen, I would.

I am not in a good place right now because I am struggling to stay positive and optimistic. I have been studying neuroplasticity and I should stick with it because something I thought about, the next day materialized. Therefore I need to heal and start caring about myself rather than neglecting myself.

I plan to write a book about my life, this will no doubt open a can of worms, not only for me having to recall things that I would rather not remember but for the people that have done me wrong. My book will mention all the highs and lows and perhaps it may help people to avoid the same mistakes I made, in my relationships, and in my career, not only how everything over the years has affected my health and how I am trying to heal.

“I want to make a difference in this world and help people like me or worse off than me”.

I may not physically want to interact but a virtual connection I am fine with, although I won’t be doing anything for a few weeks because I need to recover from all the trauma I have had to endure over the last few months.

This all goes towards documenting my health so that it all gets put on the NHS database. There is a reason behind my madness.

It saddens me that the people I have reached out to on a personal level, who said they were going to get back in touch never have. I assume that they have reached their own conclusions and do not want to interact with someone that has disabilities. I suppose they see me as damaged goods, but labeling someone in such a way is not only hurtful but incorrect because we all have something going on in our lives thus we can all be labeled the same way. In fact, it will be hard to find a person that has not been screwed over in some way or another and how it affected them mentally. Usually, people who shy away from people with mental health disorders have their own demons to contend with and cannot handle yours. I do not see myself as damaged I see myself as someone who can overcome obstacles and then write about them. Just because I am having a bad day today does not mean I will be having a bad day tomorrow. No two days are the same. Yes, I have disabilities but there are millions of people in the same boat as me or worse off. You need to find the strength to make your story your superpower. Everyone has a book waiting to be written. There’s No Such Thing As Being “Damaged Goods” In A Relationship—Here’s Why (bolde.com)

I am like a bear with a sore head at the moment, as a consequence, I avoid talking over the phone as much as possible. When I do have to call people, as an example the other day, I nearly bit an IT engineer’s head off when I was having trouble accessing my site. I did apologize afterward about my outburst but I have a very short fuse and my temperament is not great, I can come off at times as being rude, (I try not to be, but cannot help it if people push my buttons). However, I also get very obnoxious, patronizing, and condescending individuals and all I want to do is punch their faces. I am no good at interacting physically, which is fortunate.

I have reported ‘British Gas’ to the Ombudsman and have to wait on an outcome. I feel very lethargic and am finding it hard to be optimistic right now. I should stay positive but is hard when I have to deal with some things that cause my health to worsen. It is as if I make one step forward and two steps back.

My OCD has gone through the roof and where I was making progress the last few months have basically thrown all my hard work away. Having a mental health disorder like depression which causes an onset of intrusive thoughts causing you to have compulsions to ease the anxiety. it is a vicious circle. and that is why I do not interact physically.

#onlinediary #onlinejournal #scripting #journalling #blogging #pip #depression #stress #anxiety #ocd #mental health #obsessivecompulsivedisorder

How To Deal With Grief.

May 21, 2021 / EDITOR / 9 Comments

How to Deal With Grief.

Grief is a debilitating devastating emotion and it can crush you. Only you will deal with the grief in your own way, there is no right or wrong way and no one can tell you otherwise.

What is grief?

Grief is a natural process that we experience when it comes to the loss of a loved one. Grief is our body’s way of coping with the emotional suffering when someone we love is taken away. We will often have an overwhelming emotion of heart-wrenching heartache.

The initial feeling of coming to terms with such an emotion can be a shock, horror, anger, disbelief, guilt, and profound sadness. Our emotions of grief can cause devasting mental health issues and can also disrupt our physical health.

Dealing with grief may make sleeping more difficult, taking care of our well-being and eating habits even going as far as loss of appetite. It can even cause us to not think properly or clearly and cause us not to be able to perform mundane tasks, let alone more complex actions.

Dealing with grief are natural responses and emotions which are normal reactions and the more important and significant the loss, the more intense the grief will be.

Different types of Loss.

There are many ways of experiencing grief, it may not necessarily be through death but could be something that causes us to feel helpless and not in control.

Having to lose someone near and dear to you can be a life-changing event and emotion and very debilitating.

Having to learn to cope and to start life over again, not having something or someone around can be challenging and can put our mental abilities to the test.

Different Forms of Loss & Trauma.

Loss of a job
Loss of financial stability and support
Loss of Spouse through divorce
A break-up of a relationship
Loss of health
Death of a Pet
Loss of a Business
Loss of a Friend (breakdown of friendship or death)
Loss of a Parent through Death
Loss of a Sibling through Death
Loss of a Child through Death
Loss of an unborn child – Miscarriage
Loss of a Spouse, a wife, or husband through death (from a sudden event as well as a serious illness)
Loss of a family home due to financial issues or divorce
Loss of your assets because of theft (including sentimental belongings)
Loss of your pride and dignity, self-worth due to physical and mental abuse
Loss of a cherished dream, taken away because of an unexpected financial issue
Loss of your safety net through financial difficulties or mental and physical abuse
Loss of a working environment (workmates) due to retirement or changing jobs
Rape. (Loss of virginity or loss of self-worth due to rape)
Loss of self-worth through Physical and Mental Abuse (Domestic Violence)
Loss of dignity and pride, due to racism and discrimination
Loss of confidence due to humiliation, trust issues, belittlement, betrayal, and other insecurities
Loss of freedom due to incarceration
Loss of Mobility
Loss of Limbs
Loss of Sight

Life events not only are to do with death. Life events can cause us to feel the subtle loss that can trigger a sense of grief and other emotions. For example moving away to a different area due to work or other factors, leaving your school/college/uni friends due to graduation causes us to endure the feeling of separation or simply changing jobs, and leaving your workmates can all cause us to experience sadness.

Our loss is personal.

Our loss is individual and very personal to us, not everyone will understand the feeling of emptiness unless they have experienced it for themselves.

Regardless of your loss, it is personal to you. People may experience resentment, anger, or start blaming themselves if they had done things differently the loss could have been avoided.

When you suffer the loss of a person, animal, relationship, or situation which was significant to you, it can cause intense inner emotional pain of heartache. The heaviness of having a broken heart can slowly heal through therapy.

The pain will never go away but will not feel so intense over time and eventually, time will help you move on with your life.

Grieving Process.

When we grieve our mental strength can be tested to its limit.

Grieving is a very unique experience and no two losses ever feel the same. There is no ideal way to grieve it is very individual to us and we can only cope with the grieving process by how well we can cope mentally.

Not everyone has a strong mindset some people cannot cope with change regardless of how insignificant it is. In order to overcome grief, there must be an element of time and therapy and having the mental strength to move forward.

Overcoming grief depends on many factors, including your mental well-being, if you have mental health issues this can cause the problem to become worse. Your personality and ability to tackle problems and get around obstacles, your life experiences, your faith, and how significant the loss is will determine how well you heal.

Healing.

Healing cannot be hurried it is a gradual process and cannot be forced. For some people, they can heal relatively quickly but for some, it may take many years. Healing cannot be measured, in weeks, months, or years, it is a persons mental state of mind that will determine how long it will take to heal.

Grief De-bunked.

If you try and ignore grief and not think about the ordeal, it will not go away, you need to find a way to deal with your sadness.
Crying does not mean you are a weak person. In fact, it is good to cry and release sadness and despair.
Putting on a brave face to protect your family and friends does not help anyone in the long run especially if they are grieving the same grief as you. Being open and talking about your feelings are the first steps to recovery.
If however, you are unable to show emotion that also is another way of your body copying, some people cannot show how they feel and end up bottling things up. If you cannot cry that does not mean you do not care any less, everyone has their own unique coping mechanisms.
Moving on with your life does not mean you have forgotten it just means you have re-adjusted to life without your loved ones. Moving on does not mean you have accepted the loss it just means that you can live your life without them, but continue to keep the memory alive.

Therapy

Everyone will experience the loss of a loved one at some point in their lives. It is part of life itself. When our hearts are broken into smithereens it is sometimes very difficult to put them back together again.

Finding the right help, guidance, and therapy can be useful if the loss of a loved one is sudden. You do not have to do it alone and you can find someone to help you and be your support worker, to help you get through the most difficult times.

Time heals but does not forget!

First Steps to Healing.

Admit you feel sad, do not pretend that you are ok.
Talk about your sadness to your family and friends.
Make an online memorial page where others can share their stories. Create either a website or a Group on Facebook rather than a public page, which means people can share their memories and have the posts approved by a group admin member before they can access the memorial.
Start a diary (virtual or physical) or write a biography about their life.
Create a scrapbook of memories, express your feeling in a creative tangible way. (For me I preserved some leaves from my brother’s oak tree).
Dedicate a tree or forest in their name (Woodland Trust)
Get a park bench with the person’s name (Contact your local council office).
Be creative and make something that will always remind you of them. (put their photo in a locket or charm bracelet or print their image on a keepsake).
Start a foundation or raise awareness, and or give to a charity.
Surround yourself with images of the person or pet you have lost.
Share your memories and celebrate their life through anniversaries.
Understand that the feeling of grief can trigger other emotions (anger, denial, depression, etc).
Take care of yourself even though you find life meaningless (Your body is your temple).
Speak with a GP or Grief Counselor
Know the difference between grief, PTSD, and depression.
Dedicate your life to the person you have lost by public speaking.

The Five Stages of grief

Studies made by psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross in 1969 introduced what would become known as the “five stages of grief.” These stages of grief were based on her research of feelings of patients facing terminal illness. She spoke of:

Denial
Anger
Bargaining
Depression
Acceptance.

It must be noted that not everyone who grieves goes through all of these five stages of grief. In some cases, people have been known not to experience any of these emotions and have managed to heal.

Elizabeth Kübler-Ross never intended for these stages to be a rigid framework that applies to everyone who mourns. In her last book before her death in 2004, she said of the five stages of grief: “They were never meant to help tuck messy emotions into neat packages. They are responses to lose that many people have, but there is not a typical response to loss, as there is no typical loss. Our grieving is as individual as our lives.”

Grief can be an ocean tears of emotions.

People in the early stages of grief may feel intense numbness or sadness and as time progresses the ocean of emotions can be high tidal waves and ebbing flowing lows. It takes time to overcome loss, with some people never fully recovering at all. Even years after a loss, especially on anniversaries, special places, special events such as holidays like Christmas and family reunions, and birthdays, the emptiness of not having the person present can be very upsetting.

Symptoms of grief

Intense Devastating Shock and Disbelief, not being able to accept the loss.
Paralyzing Numbness of what has happened and you feel cold without and emotion or empathy.
Denial, that it is just a bad dream it has not happened and you are still expecting them to show up even in reality that they are gone. You look for them in a crowded place. (I once saw a homeless man that looked the spitting image of my brother and I gave him money and bought him food).
Anger, of why you lost someone as opposed to someone else losing someone.
Blame, Blaming yourself, had you have done things differently that this could have been avoided or not doing enough.
Questioning yourself, questioning your sanity, are you going crazy for feeling so low and questioning your faith and God.
Sadness, emptiness, despair, deep loneliness, and yearning.
Guilt, having said something that you wish you could have unsaid, feeling relieved that the person has gone and is not suffering or the guilt of not doing enough to prevent them from dying.
Fear, of how, will you cope without them emotionally and being alone as well as coping financially, how will you be able to live without them.
Anger, you may feel disdain for everyone around you because they are living and breathing and your loved one is not. Even feeling resentful to the doctors that should have done more to save the person.
Abandonment, feeling angry because the person has abandoned you even though you would have given your life for them.
Robbed, feeling like the person has been stolen from you and an injustice has been done.

Physical & Mental symptoms of grief.

Fatigue, grief can manifest in many ways, some people feel very tired and just want to curl up in a ball and sleep all the time and not do anything else, hoping that life will be different when they wake or sleep because life is pointless to stay awake and do anything.
Insomnia, some people simply cannot sleep, they overthink and may be up all night worrying and obsessing.
Isolation, some people isolate and no longer wish to be sociable. (This is me in a nutshell)
Depression, intense sadness 24/7 that you cannot shake, whilst others are inconsolable and cry all the time.
Weight, grief can also affect your physical health by either make you gain weight or lose weight.
Substance Abuse, some people start smoking, drinking, or take recreational drugs just to numb out the hollowness and loneliness they are feeling.
Lowered Immunity, poor diet, and other physical attributes can cause lowered immunity which in turn causes the person to be susceptible to other illnesses.
Mental Illness, grief can also lead to anxiety, stress, depression, and PTSD, the trauma of losing a loved one can also cause mental illnesses such as OCD.

Complications

Coping with grief is always a very delicate matter and it is your own personal preference how to try to deal with it. Talking to your friends and family is always a good idea as well as your GP and Health Professional that are expert in grief counseling. The relief of talking to someone can help lessen the burden of your loss. Listening to other people’s recollections and memories of the person that has died help you to find closure.

However, if you turn to friends they may not be able to help you as you would expect especially if they have never experienced grief themselves.

Close friends in particular often do want to help but don’t know-how, if they have not experienced death firsthand.

If you need help with arranging funeral directors, planning a wake, and sorting out finances then appoint someone that can manage all your affairs, they do not necessarily have to be a friend but a funeral planner company that offers the services. Understand that some people may feel awkward about helping so turning to a professional institution can help take some of the stress away.

People who have never experienced death will not understand what you are going through they can second guess but until they experience it for themselves they may not be able to give you the full support you need.

Not having the right support can make things difficult if your friends are unsure how to comfort you and they may feel like they are walking on eggshells in the fear of saying or doing something wrong. This is why it is good to speak with a professional or join a group.

Faith

If you are religious try to turn to your faith to find peace, alternatively if you are questioning your faith and God go to your church and arrange a talk with the clergy. People find going to church and praying or spending time at the graveside comfort.

Support Groups

There are many social media support groups that you can join as well as finding physical meeting places. If you want to interact physically or virtually, take the first steps to counsel and sharing your sorrow with people who have experienced similar loss as you. . To find a bereavement support groups in your area, contact local hospices, funeral homes, and counseling centers.

Acknowledgement.

Acknowledging you will never see your loved one again will help you heal and ease some of the pain. Acknowledge your feeling, of sorrow, despair, loneliness, and intense sadness. Understand that this is normal and you have to experience it to move on. Typical denial is trying to avoid or acknowledging and refusing to talk about and hiding away. This can lead to complications such as depression, anxiety, substance abuse, and health problems. The first step is acknowledging you will never see that person again.

Honour their life.

Plan ahead of anniversaries, make a memorial, something people can reflect and remember. Build a celebration of life events your loved one had and allow the people that knew them to join in.

Your Personal Health

Your mental and physical health is paramount. Your body is your temple therefore you should treat it like one. Get enough sleep, maintain a healthy diet, exercise regularly, and avoid substance abuse to numb the pain. If we have a healthy body we will also help to have a healthy mind.

Complicated grief

Complicated Grief is like being stuck in an intense paralyzed state of mourning. You may not be able to accept the death and you end up obsessed and preoccupied with the person who died which in turn disrupts your daily routine and causes problems in your other relationships.

Complicated Grief includes:

An obsessed feeling of intense longing and yearning for the loss of your loved one. Living and breathing just the person you have lost, looking and searching for anything written about them. Talking about them 24/7 in an obsessed way.
Intrusive thoughts or images of your loved one. (I have a problem with anything to do with water, like rivers and whirlpools, and cannot watch anything to do with drowning or look at images).
Panic attacks, reliving the trauma over again.
Nightmares, constant nightmares of the ordeal or the person and the circumstances.
Denial and a sense of disbelief, not coming to terms with the fact the person has actually gone. Refusing to acknowledge they have actually gone.
Avoiding, mentioning their name or the places they once went to or avoiding looking and touching things that remind you of them. (I cannot physically go back to and visit the street where my family home once was because it brings back too many painful memories).
Anger and bitterness, over your loss of your loved one, hating the world and everyone in it. (I personally experienced this especially when my mum passed away, I hated the world but I am over it now, I do have different anger now where my brother is laid to rest, which I was not consulted over).
Feeling that life is pointless and that there is no reason to carry on. (Suicidal Thoughts).

Traumatized.

If your loved one died an unexpected sudden death either a heart attack or something that was an accident, violent or disturbing you may be experiencing complicated grief which can manifest as psychological trauma or PTSD, (my brother died by drowning).

The sudden loss of a loved one where you have had no time to prepare for their passing means you will experience intense crushing shock. It will feel the whole world is falling apart around you and you are sinking. It will make you feel helpless and you will be struggling with upsetting irrational emotions, memories, and anxiety that won’t go away, if this is the case you will have been traumatized.

Knowing the difference between grief and depression

Thinking and obsessing over a person 24/7, week in week out is called depression. If you are consumed by the loss and nothing else matters and no matter what you do you cannot shake the feeling of contestant emptiness and despair you have depression and you need to speak with your GP as soon as possible. Knowing the difference between grief and clinical depression isn’t always easy as they share many similar attributes. When you’re in the middle of the grieving process, you will still have moments of pleasure or happiness, depending on how intense and complicated your grief is. With depression the feelings of emptiness and despair are constant and if it consumes your life 24/7 you need to seek help from a Health Professional.

Symptoms of Depression.

An intense, sinking feeling of hopelessness.
An obsession that you cannot step out of (which could be an obsession about the person who has departed or the obsession about death).
Suicidal Thoughts, or a preoccupation with dying or planning ways how to die.
Hopelessness or worthlessness.
Feeling fatigued and lethargic.
Slow speech and body movements, because you have no need to rush.
Not being able to function properly, (at home, at work, and/or at school/college or University). It could also be not being able to make important decisions or manage finances.
Imagination, Seeing, or hearing things that aren’t there.

Medication

Medication is usually prescribed for people who have depression, anxiety, stress disorders, insomnia, and mental health problems as well as physical illnesses. In most cases, grief does not warrant the use of antidepressants unless the grief is intense and complicated. Sometimes people who are inconsolable may be prescribed valium to calm them down or other sedatives. For people who have intense grief that is inconsolable, they may be referred to a counselor for grief therapy.

It is unadvisable to self-medicate or to use recreational substances such as alcohol or drugs as numbing the pain only prolongs the grief process rather than helping the person come to terms and heal. It is like putting a band-aid on a gaping wound and when they sober up the reality of the fact is still there.

Seeking Professional Help.

If the pain is unbearable and you feel your world is crashing down around you you need to seek professional help straight away. If you leave your symptoms untreated, complicated grief and depression can lead to significant mental health issues and emotional damage, life-threatening health problems, and even suicide.

Contact a grief counselor or professional therapist if you:

If you feel you cannot cope and your life is crashing down around you and cannot perform simple tasks or manage to make important or even simple decisions.
If you are obsessing over the person 24/7, week in week out, and your life is consumed with every thought of the person that has died.
If you feel like life isn’t worth living anymore because the person is no longer in your life.
If you wish you had died with your loved one.
If you are having suicidal thoughts.
If you blame yourself for the loss or not doing enough to prevent them from dying.
If you feel total numbness to society and prefer to disconnect from people and isolate yourself.

Note From The Editor.

In my lifetime I have experienced death many times from when I was little I paid my respects to a boy in an open upright coffin, who had fallen from a cherry tree in Poland, I think I was 10 at the time. Then a family friend died approximately 12 hours before his wedding from a heart attack something like eleven years later and I had to console his fiance. When I came to Wales and worked at the Holiday Resort in Barry Island (Majestic Centre) in 1992, I had to console a holidaymaker’s wife and son because the husband had a heart attack and died.

Then in 1992 a close friend of mine, a very beautiful successful singer who toured Europe and was famous in a band in Germany but came back to live in Wales, committed suicide in Dinas Powys.

Years later I then experienced personal grief where my father passed away in 2004 and then my mother in 2007 and then the most crushing and devasting blow was when my brother in 2010 died in a freak accident and most recently my ex-husband only last week 16/05/21

For me, the coping process is to surround myself with photos and memories of the people I have lost and to keep their memory alive by talking and writing about them.

This is my way of coping as even after the passing of both my parents and my brother I am still grieving in my own way and occasionally when I have time to reflect I am consumed with intense sadness but find keeping myself busy and not having time to think helps me to carry on.

Most recently my ex-husband passed away and again I feel sadness as I always cared about him and never stopped. (I wrote a memorial post expressing my feelings it was my way of coping with the sad news, I do not think I needed permission for that as it is part and parcel of the grieving process and everyone’s grief is different and how you cope is entirely your choice).

The news was shocking to me that he had died. I thought I had time to make amends as that was my ultimate goal. I am now consumed with guilt and regret that I should have reached out when I had the opportunity, I just took him for granted he would always be around and that I had plenty of time.

I have learned you do not know what is around the corner waiting for us and building bridges is a must if you do not want to have regrets. Finding forgiveness and putting all indifferences aside are the first steps to healing and moving on.

There is no time like the present to say “sorry”, what is done is done you cannot turn back the clock but you can move forward, saying “I love you” can mean a lot and may make a difference, also remember to create memories.

For me, I have experienced complicated sudden death five times and I have also experienced one particular emotion of anger.

My anger still manifests inside of me eleven years on, because of the circumstances where my brother was laid to rest. I was not consulted on the location other than it was the Woodland Trust and where his ashes are it is no longer ‘Woodland Trust Land’ but private land as I believe the land changed hands within the last few years.

Not only that my anger festers inside over something someone once said to me about six months after my mother’s passing “so how long are you going to expect to grieve for?” I never forgot those words and never have forgotten the person that said them to me (J.M). The words were cutting and heartless and it was like rubbing salt into a gaping wound.

So in order for me to ever pay my respects to my brother or visit the oak tree is no longer possible. Some will say his spirit has left and is now just energy surrounding us and in a way, I do agree but it also nice to have a place to go to remember the person and to reflect. Maybe in time, I may find the strength to forgive but as it stands I still have the anger embedded in my soul.

My brother in his will said he wanted his ashes buried in woodland but never said exactly where. I am sure there is a ‘Woodland Trust’ where my parents are buried. I was told the reason for the location was it was my brother and his partner’s special place they visited often. What about his family that obviously did not matter? The location is nowhere near ‘Lake Windermere’ but in the middle of a field on the outskirts.

His partner at the time took it upon herself to make the arrangements without consulting me. Having his ashes in the middle of a field approximately 257 mi (413 km) is not ideal and now is virtually impossible to visit. I have other grievances but will focus on the subject of grief.

I am now carrying the emotion of guilt and regret that I should have reached out to my ex-husband sooner and told him how I really felt.

I have also experienced other types of grief not to do with death, such as relationship breakups, divorce, losing a business, loss of self worth due to physical and emotional abuse, loss of dignity, loss of assets. I won’t go into everything individually but I have carry many war wounds.

I suffer from clinical depression and OCD it is manageable with the medication I take. I have been on my medication for many years now, I am now looking into neuroplasticity as a form of treatment.

I have written about grief in the past:

Coping With Grief Personal Experience.

https://disabledentrepreneur.uk/dealing-with-death-grief-the-4th-time-round

Emotional Distress.

Useful Links:

24/7 Depression Hotline | NationalDepressionHotline.org

https://www.cruse.org.uk

https://www.mariecurie.org.uk/help/support/bereaved-family-friends/dealing-grief/bereavement-or-grief-counselling

https://www.sueryder.org/how-we-can-help

https://www.bacp.co.uk/

https://www.betterhelp.com

What is Obsessive Compulsive Disorder

#grief #grieving #grievingprocess #healing #lossofalovedone #loss #dying #departed #death #suddendeath #complicatedgrief

Dealing With Death, Grief the 5th Time Round.

May 17, 2021 / EDITOR / 1 Comment

Tribute to my ex-husband Alan Barnes.

This is a sad post but it is my way of coming to terms with my mentor, someone I looked up to and respected and someone I learned a lot from.

Dealing with death the fifth time round should be a walk in the park for me but I can tell you it is not.

To think that I lost a good friend to suicide, lost both my parents and my brother and now my ex-husband feels like I have been robbed all over again. The feeling is so very final, you cannot pick the phone and talk to them you cannot say sorry or that you love them. The feeling is sheer cold, dark, hollow emptiness.

The feeling is like no other it is of great sadness and despair. The feeling is also very angry and hostile one and it makes you question life and all of life’s trivialities.

The feeling is of guilt and regrets and for me not being able to speak to my ex-husband again is heartbreaking the second time around the first when we split up and the second time is now. Perhaps it was never meant to be, perhaps this was destiny’s way of saying this was how it ends?

The last time I spoke to my ex-husband was 14 years ago where he came to tell me his son had died in a car accident. He was not alone and the person he was with was not welcome but it was the right thing to do to accommodate her under the circumstances.

You take people for granted and you expect them to be around forever and I thought I had time to finish my autobiography and tell him and the world what actually happened and how I actually felt and am still feeling.

In truth, he was my knight in shining armor and things could have been different, but I guess things happen for a reason.

I wanted to tell him I was sorry for hurting him and although we have social media I wanted to tell him to his face.

I knew I had hurt him because of his behavior straight after, but he had also hurt me too. Two wrongs do not make a right but I wanted closure on something I thought I had plenty of time to say. We never had the opportunity then to talk because of all the animosity surrounding our break-up.

I did not know he was termininally ill until recently. I knew nothing.

Prior to his passing, I left a voice message on his phone, I guess he never got to listen to it 🙁 Perhaps he had even changed his number, again I do not know that either.

After our divorce, he did not want me to carry his name. I changed my name by Deed Poll from (MRS) to (MS) but still kept his name. After our divorce he got want he wanted briefly I was a ‘Maziak’ again but then decided to revert back to what would have been my married name. I will use his name with honor and pride. My name is the double barrel and although one is foreign and difficult to remember, pronounce and spell I use his surname for business. People know how to spell ‘Barnes’ as opposed to ‘Maziak’ and that is how it will stay.

So yesterday evening 16th May 2021 I was informed my ex-husband had passed away peacefully in the afternoon. At first I was stunned as if I had been winded and tried to hold enough composure not to break down.

I then decided I was going to have an early night (which is unusual for me) at around 9 pm and took my sleeping tablet and what would normally knock me out within half an hour, I found I was still wide awake 6 hours later, thinking about him and listening to ‘Stevie Wonder’ his favorite recording artist with tears streaming down my face.

I played a few songs he used to play to me “I Just Called To Say I Love You” whenever he was out on the road in the early days of our relationship, and “Yester Me -Yester You”. Plus one other song I had dedicated to him and played it to him as it reminded me of him (Heaven Must Have Sent You -The Elgins). I will add the songs to the end of this post.

He was a true gentleman through and through and at the beginning of our relationship up until we got married in 1998 for the first five years (1993 to 1998), he would give me flowers week in week out without fail.

After we got married. things changed and our marriage went pear-shaped, I will always remember and blame the phone call I received 2 days after we got married from a female security guard who wrecked our marriage. Not everyone knows the full story of our breakup and people blame me even though the truth is this woman single handily was to blame. Everyone will know the truth.

I will try not to say too much on here right now but he was my best friend and he was my knight in shining armor.

I never imagined I would never have the opportunity to speak to him again. I had hidden away from him and did not want to be found because I thought why should he know about my life when he was not in it and now my master plan backfired as I have come to realize it is now too late to turn back the clock.

Things could have turned out so differently had we have tried to salvage our marriage, although the health issues that he had, the ending would have still been the same.

With grief, it is good to keep the memory going and keep talking about the person as if they have never left.

For me writing down fond memories will be a constant reminder of people who have gone away.

My book makes reference to everyone that I lost through death and from relationship breakups. It also mentions everyone that has caused me grief. Grief is not just about death it could be a broken-down marriage. Grief is the feeling of having no control and that nothing you can do or say can change things. Grief is the end of life or the end of a relationship it is final.

I have so many unanswered questions and hopefully, one day I may get to learn the answers to them. I hope if his family read this they will know I did care. In fact, I never stopped.

Alan R. Barnes

27-01-53 to 16-05-21

via GIPHY

” I just called to say I love you” Stevie Wonder

“Yester Me -Yester You” Stevie Wonder

“Heaven Must have Sent You” The Elgins

“Remembering the good times rather than the bad and eating sirloin steak, blueberry and chocolate muffins and remembering what we once had”.

My thoughts are with his family and friends at this sad and difficult time!

RIP My Dear Friend.

Useful Links

https://www.cruse.org.uk/

https://www.mariecurie.org.uk/help/support/bereaved-family-friends/dealing-grief/bereavement-or-grief-counselling

https://www.sueryder.org/how-we-can-help

https://www.bacp.co.uk/

Emotional Distress.

May 10, 2021 / EDITOR / 5 Comments

Emotional Distress. Keeping a diary of your medical condition.

By logging down your good days and bad will give your GP or Specialist a more indepth understanding of your day to day problems.

For me most days are the same but some days are severe.

Today is one of those days.

I actually started this post a few days ago and left it as a draft but my mental health is really taking its toll. For example, I heard my ex-husband is in hospital after suffering a heart attack and has other complications such as lupus and cancer. The last time we spoke was 14 years ago and I felt I had been hit by a truck receiving the news today that he was in ICU in an induced coma and is now in a high dependency ward.

To say that this is a shock is an understatement and there are some people in the family I have reached out to.

I know that our divorce was nasty but there is an element of me that still cares.

I hope he recovers and I will get an update on the weekend but for now my mental health is on another level.

Emotional Distress By One of the Culprits (My Landlord)

Not only that my landlord is playing mind games with me. He sends me an email saying he is extending my contract for another 3 years and has drawn up an agreement (by coincidence on the same day I paid him the increased amount of money), for me to sign but he will not do a digital signature and is insisting he needs to see me. A week after his email I get a text that he will be visiting me today and so far he has not called round or text me. This is causing me no end of anxiety as I need him calling round like I need a hole in my head.

I have a problem with social disconnection and do not want to be around people.

I have explained this in my email and told him due to Covid my business has suffered plus other factors which I said etcetera but what I really meant was him increasing my rent causing me to have severe depression and stress. Yet he seems to be oblivious to the fact I am unwell.

If there are any monsters in this world its the people that show no empathy and only think about themselves.

I have recently found out you can sue people that have caused you distress. You obviously need proof of the distress, anxiety, stress, and depression this person has bestowed on you. My evidence is me publically documenting everyone that has caused me harm. You will have to show medical evidence and have witnesses to prove your case. You can claim for the emotional distress the discrimination has caused you – this is called ‘injury to feelings. You‘ll need to say how the discrimination made you feel.

https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/housing/discrimination-in-housing/taking-action/work-out-how-much-compensation-you-could-get-for-discrimination/

The courts recognize emotional distress as a type of damage that can be recovered through a civil lawsuit. This means you can sue someone for emotional trauma or distress if you can provide evidence to support your claims.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/so-sue-me/201408/suing-emotional-distress-outrageous

What are emotional distress claims and are you eligible to make one?

#mentalhealth #depression #anxiety #discrimination #clinicaldepression #ptsd

Coping With Grief Personal Experience.

May 2, 2021 / EDITOR / 4 Comments

Coping With Grief.

It has been 17 years since my father passed away and 14 years since my mother departed. On top of losing my parents, I lost my brother 11 years ago.

The grieving process has left me bitter and angry inside. Why did half my family die? Why could it not have been someone else’s family instead?

The grieving process is no just about people dying it could be a relationship breakup that can leave devasting effects on a person’s mental state of mind.

I have had my fair share of heartaches but nothing beats the death of a relative or partner. With death you cannot check a social media platform to see what the person is up to, you cannot pick up the phone and have a chat. Death is final, there is no communication beyond the grave. You end up feeling robbed and cheated, you feel empty and life feels pointless. You may even become angry and hostile. People move on from grief by re-adapting their lives and filling the empty void with other routines. People may find meeting new people can help.

For me I do not socialize, I do not want to for several reasons, one is because I am busy with work and do not have the time and secondly my OCD is another significant factor. The way I see it spending a couple of hours socializing I could be using that time more pro-actively. Guaranteed every one you socialize with if you asked them to give you, not lend you £20, I bet none of them would, but they would be happy to squander your precious time. Not everyone thinks like me and my time is the difference between bringing food to the table and making something of my life to which my dearly departed would be proud of me for.

Beliefs.

Do I believe in life after death? I have mixed emotions, I think our souls depart and manifest their energy in another form. Do I believe in the paranormal? I believe possibly that our souls can get trapped and cling to things and do not like letting go, hence people see apparitions.

Time.

They say time is a healer. Time may ease the grief and it will not get rid of the memories or the feelings of the inner pain you have in your soul.

I was once asked by a government official how long will it take me to stop grieving. He challenged my grief and I felt his remark cold and cutting it was like him driving a knife through a fresh open wound. I immediately had intense hatred towards this person and to this day I have never forgotten his name (J.M), and one day when I am ready for what it is worth I will send him my book and he will never be able to erase the words he said. One day he too will suffer loss and grieve and it will be my turn to ask him what does it feel like when the shoe is on the other foot. If he or anyone else asked me the same question 14 years later I would still be saying it is as fresh in my mind as it ever was and I am still grieving and have never stopped.

The heaviness in your heart lessens to a certain degree over time but it will never go away. You still have the feeling that you have been robbed and violated because you cannot ever see that person again or speak or touch them. You end up feeling angry and may no longer feel empathetic as you once did. Your tolerance levels are put to the test and you have to learn over again that you still have to be there for the people that matter, so your feelings have the be re-adjusted.

In my opinion, it is good to keep the memory alive of the loss of your loved one by reminiscing about the good old day and setting anniversaries. It is wrong to never mention the person again. I have all my departed souls in photos around me and when I am really sad I can look at them and tell them how I am feeling through my inner thoughts.

Time allows us to learn to cope. Everyone’s routine consumes our lives with challenges in different ways and we have to deal with problems that can override the feelings we have of dispair.

As our lives get busier and we do not have time to wallow in our self-pity, therefore what was the only thing that was on our mind of the loss of a loved one is no longer the number one priority and our thoughts end up on the back burner to re-surface when we have time to reflect on times gone by.

Setting Goals.

For me, I have learned to cope, I have my own unique routine and always keep myself busy so that I do not have time to dwell on what has happened in my life. I cannot allow that feeling to control me and although my anguish and dispair could easily rear its ugly head at any time I am able to suppress my thoughts, with my medication, and also my mission in life. I have set myself goals and I intend to achieve them with determination, with nothing standing in my way.

If you were to ask me how I feel towards people and life without my loved ones around, I can say hand on heart the only thing that is keeping me going is the goals I am trying to achieve and seeing my daughter graduate and make a good start in her life. Nothing else matters, no person and no materialistic object. I am on a mission to fulfill my legacy and my inner thoughts will be hidden until one day when I am ready to reveal them all in my autobiography I am writing.

Life.

I tolerate life. I know I have to secure my daughter’s future as she too will grieve my loss of losing me one day, so I have a master plan to leave her a legacy she will be proud and honored to remember. My way of coping is to not give up on life but to carry on even though it may increase my Anxiety, Stress & OCD levels more, I still muster the courage to plod on.

My family and my work are the only things that drives me.

Grief can lead to Trauma, PTSD, depression, anxiety, and other mental health issues such as OCD. It is nature’s way of coping.

I do not give medical advice and if you are experiencing grief and other symptoms you must seek help from a professional, e.g. first stop, your local GP.

https://www.sueryder.org/how-we-can-help/someone-close-to-me-has-died/advice-and-support/how-can-i-cope-with-bereavement?gclid=EAIaIQobChMIy6_di9ej8AIVj9eyCh2BEAb1EAAYAiAAEgLC8vD_BwE