My Online Journal is my safe space where I can share my stories and vent. I do not always write negatively but of late I have noticed blue-chip corporations treating people badly so not only is this my online therapy it also is a voice for people who cannot or do not know how to stand up for themselves.
I have not made an entry here for a while and yesterday was the ideal time to do some journaling and spill the beans.
The morning started out with me phoning all my insurance providers as I had deleted some direct debits in error. I suffer from cognitive impairment caused by cerebellum atrophy and sometimes muddle my words up. The words can be very overwhelming for me at times. Being stressed does not help and where I should have canceled one insurance policy, I actually canceled three. As it turns out the other two direct debits were obsolete, but still having to phone all nine companies was challenging.
The other problem I have is dreading talking over the phoneso when I tried to rectify the problem via email I was point-blank declined and was told to call. The calling is not so bad but it listening to the prompts Press #1 for what you had for breakfast Press #2 what you had for lunch and #Press #3 just to annoy you more (just kidding) although I have been subjected to up to 4 minutes of this from various companies before the annoying music starts playing. God forbid if your call drops and you have to start all the BS all over again.
Insurers do not make it easy, so although you may take out insurance by a said insurer the underwriters a separate company collect payment. So there could be the same underwriter for multiple insurers which can make it difficult when trying to find out who is who. I have done a spreadsheet so that I do not get caught out again, but by the 9th insurer I had enough, yet my day was only starting.
What rattled me was, that I was paying £65 at the beginning of the year then it went up to £90, and yesterday she wanted £138 per month. I was told I use more gas than the average household. The way I see it regardless if I did not use any gas at all, I still would have to pay for the service. I am not going to reduce the quality of my life and sit at home freezing cold. or only cook once a week. If a person is struggling to pay £90 then how the hell are they supposed to find the money to pay £138?
“A little bit of maths and common sense would not go a miss“.
“What are people supposed to do, do they have to rob banks or starve”?
Someone on LinkedIn commented “that charity starts a home”, but what she failed to comprehend was the support in the event of a military attack on these countries will be money in BJs / Chancellor of the Exchequers Pockets so to speak. W#ar is big business at the expense of the people. How do you accumulate wealth if you do not lend money or charge interest on the money you lend out? This is how the money system works. If you lone out jets, sell ballistic and nuclear missiles you have to get paid and its one big game of the winner takes it all.
I do not support the funding of the lavish lifestyles of the 1%that think they own us and rob us blind. I never agreed to slaving away, did you?
No one owns me. I have a voice and I am not afraid to use it!
I am a spiritual being in a physical body and we are here for a reason and it is to teach others, empower and motivate and not steal, abuse, or kill, we are supposed to be intelligent human beings, not animals.
We should be able to distinguish right from wrong and if the likes of P#tin who orders the mass killings then he is no better than something that has just crawled out of a sewer. These people are vermin.
In fact, any person in power that has done wrong should be punished the same way as a member of public and should also be kicked out of office, I refer to certain politicians, that got a slap on the wrist and fines, for their publicised antics.
There is a Scottish MP trending at the moment that allegedly had £25 Million in Funding For PPE that supposedly ended up being used due to it not being of high quality and was returned. This MP is now being investigated.
Just imagine if this was the average entrepreneur that had done this, they would be facing a custodial sentence for fraud, but I guess if you own 6 houses (one in Belgravia in London) you have enough money to pay for a jail-free card on the monopoly board.
I spoke about a previous post about why people do not care and the customer representative said that people do care and that she cared (no they don’t unless it directly affects them). She then asked could she help me with anything else and I said “help me bring in more clients”, the call then ended without any feedback on my remark…I rest my case!
Reference the money she expected me to agree to I said I will pay, but will not be able to eat and the CEO of British Gaswill certainly not have a problem bringing food to the table whilst I will and this is where she started to be sympathetic.
I got my frustration out, if nothing else, and told her she was professional and had a calming voice, I just did not mention the fact she made me feel bad at the beginning of the conversation as what would have been the point. I felt had I not mentioned I am self-employed the conversation would have been slightly different.
Do you think it is by chance this P#tin W#ar has broken out or is it something to do with the deficit spending and all the price rises? Have you forgotten about Brexit and how much money UK is in debt by and how much money they have to pay back, never mind the trade w#ar in China and the USA. Putting the jigsaw pieces together can you not see a picture emerging?
These blue-chip companies get a 6% commission for our sweat, labor, and hardship. Do you think that the dictator started the w#ar himself or was it pre-arranged at the round table, by a selected few?
People at the top of the food chain seem to think they own and control you and in a way they do.
An example of a battery in the matrix was Virgin Media which I have for months had an ongoing dispute again I have communicated by email and have told them not to phone me and what do they do? they only phone even though I specifically requested not to. What was interesting though my phone was on “do not disturb” but they managed to get through and the phone rang. I re-iterated how much emotional distress they put me through and I am still no closer to a resolution as the email I was promised I would have, never materialized.
So you can imagine the poor sod on the other end of the line receiving my wrath and me saying “if you read my email do you not understand English”, his reply was he was ordered by someone above him to phone me and my final reply was that he obviously did not have the balls to stand up to the person. Most people are afraid of speaking up in the workplace for the fear of being fired. People go to work like sheep to get their paychecks the majority do not go to work because they love the company that employs them they are solely there to do a job and get paid. They are human robots being told what to do. Their “VOICE” in the metaphorical sense of the word is taken away, they are slaves to the employer for the hours they work.
Anxiety& Panic Attack.
The day continued with my brother telling me that he is coming over to the UK at Christmas. Under normal circumstances, I should be ecstatic but I am having a panic attack simply thinking about it.
I have not left my home for three years due to social disconnection and OCD, actually, tell a lie I went out once to meet him last year for the day and I felt so ill after that but he was oblivious to my disability. He told me that I have to arrange my schedule and my work around him. He told me we will be talking this weekend coming.
Notice how my disability and my work are of no significance to him and I have to just get over myself.
The icing on the cake was the final straw that broke the camel’s back so to speak with my neighbor announcing she is moving within the month. she without a doubt had to be the nicest neighbor I have ever had, she was always kind, and caring and never did me wrong. I will miss her.
I do believe nothing standstills and when one door closes another one opens so although I felt very depressed yesterday with low self-esteem. That was yesterday though and your mood can change if you stay occupied and not dwell on what is bothering you. I am hopeful about tomorrow and about brighter things to come. I am fortunate I have an online journal to vent my anger which I can share with whoever wants to read my challenges. I did come across a website called (www.storiboard.co.uk) not mine may I add but a portal to share your stories.
Telling Your Story.
Anyone reading this who wants a platform to share their stories is more than welcome to subscribe here and I will make you a contributor or will manually upload your stories for you. It won’t cost you a penny only your time, it is completely free.
I have gone through a lot over the last two decades (I won’t go into it all here but I am a ‘survivor of domestic violence‘ and and this is what drives me to tell my story) I won’t say I am strong all the time. I have good days and bad days and yesterday was a bad day for me but I know I will get over it. I am still standing and I won’t let anyone break me, sure they can try but when they knock me down and I get back up again so help me God.
I will be writing my biography soon and I will be calling out all the people that have done me wrong. Don’t misunderstand me, I am not awkward or vengeful, I just think some people deserve their five minutes of fame.
No one on this planet is better than you, we all do the same things, we eat, sleep and go to the bathroom, and we all cannot survive without water or air. We all have red blood and if Adam and Eve were the first people, then their children would have been inbred so we are all brothers and sisters. The world is an evil place with evil people living in it trying to suck the last ounce of happiness out of you. They should be very worried about what happens to them after they die. Just because some use 24kt Gold WCs does not make them any better than you. We all have the right to live on this planet in harmony and without having to worry about where the next paycheck is going to come from and if we can put food on the table. No one should fear for their lives or be killed for some political agenda. No one should lose their life for the sake of debt ceilings and deficit spending.
“The Hidden Secrets of Money” By Mile Maloney.
I have an invisible disability and I expect to be acknowledged as a human being and not be judged, I expect people to give me the respect I deserve. I do not need anyone giving me advice, or being patronizing, after all when it comes to mental health I specialize in the subject hence why I built this site.
Never assume anything with me without asking me first.
I know if my finances improved so would my mental health. My cerebellum atrophy is incurable but with new drugs coming on the market anything is possible. I am staying positive and hopefully, someone reading this will invest in me.
One day soon you will learn what one particular “evil animal” did to me and how I am recovering.
I have audio recordings of all the death threats he made to me.
He is no longer residing in the UK, he left last December for Germany however within a month of him starting work he was fired due to an altercation with a woman at his place of work, why does that not surprise me.
Unfortunately, because he does not speak fluent English he was unable to set up an email address so I did it for him and forwarded all his emails to me for translation purposes with his consent, however, I have no access to his settings anymore, and cannot un-forward myself hence I get his emails and all the antics he is getting up to.
I use outlook and have blocked his email but people sending emails to him still come into my inbox. I have started marking them as spam as I have no other way of stopping any communication.
Remember not all that glitters is gold and that was my mistake and I have learned the hard way.
One day I will rise from the ashes and tell my full story.
Tomorrow is another dayand I aim for a brighter future!
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My Online Journal: First and foremost I would like to explain I am a writer, I want to stay anonymous for now as I am not ready to share my identity to the world to know. Not many people know the full extent of what my ex did to me and my story is way overdue. I have learned one valuable lesson, not all that glitters is gold, (a handsome attractive man, maybe a devil in disguise). This is about a narcissist that physically and mentally abused me. I do not want to be known as the victim but more so as the survivor. The reason why I am sharing this story is so that people understand what hell I have gone through and how I am recovering and how I learned to go into survival mode. I also want to share how it has affected me and how I am rebuilding my life. Surviving for me was to always try and leave whenever possible even though it was my home I was fleeing from or if I was trapped not to antagonize him. I would not look at him or make eye contact and would be very quiet and subdued. I would try and protect my electronics as much as possible but not always successfully.I believed in his threats and still do, hence I want to move where he can never find me and live my life again with new happier beginnings and before anyone says why don’t I? Well you need to be able to afford to move before you put the plan into action.
My story starts just over 12 years ago. In that decade prior to the 12 years both my parents had died followed then by my brother in a drowning accident.
I remember my brother prior to going to Ecuador to help save the rain forest, his words still echo “that I should find someone to share my life with”.
My parents had died and I was raising my daughter by myself I felt vulnerable and sad. I had divorced and it was not pretty.
Then out of the blue came a stranger into my life, he was from my parent’s neck of the woods and I thought, what have I got to lose if I started dating again?
At first, everything was exciting you could call it the honeymoon period but then tragedy struck and my brother died. I now needed someone to comfort and console me and I felt very alone so this person that I hardly knew became a person that could distract me from the sadness and emptiness I was feeling.
My mental state at the time was not good and I was not focused, I was very vulnerable and scared of being alone.
This friend of a friend was aware I had inherited some money and that over the months that followed he took advantage of this.
Some women will do a lot for their partners in exchange for affection.
This was my naivety and stupidity, I believed he cared. I was not bothered about what job he had or that he did not have a car I just saw another human being, showing some affection. I believed he would never hurt me. I trusted him…
Obviously, it was not long, before I started to tighten my purse strings after one of his family members pointed out that the amount of money I was spending I was in a sense trying to buy love and affection and that is when it hit home and I thought this person could be well and truly right.
As I started to be wiser with my money that was when the trouble started to happen. My abuser was more and more verbal to me he would say the cruelest and nastiest things, he would humiliate me and belittle me and when this was no longer working he decided to become very physically abusive towards me.
He liked punching me in my face and top of my head (soft spot –Anterior Fontanelle. The position of this largest soft spot can be easily seen on a newborn; in adults, the location of the now-fused fontanelle is at the junction of the frontal, coronal, and sagittal sutures of the skull ) to punching and kicking my torso eventually dislocating my knee and he would spit better than any lama.
“I believe my cerebellar atrophy is the consequence of his actions due to the head trauma I endured”.
He once snapped my one laptop in two although replaced it, followed by another episode pouring water on another one and consequently putting me out of business for 28 weeks (I lost clients because of him due to a damaged hard drive and dislocation of my knee, where he kicked 7 times before it popped and I was immobile).
He was very intimidating and menacing and as much as I tried to get rid of him and get him out of my life completely he would threaten me that a lot worse would happen to me if I did not go at Christmas to Poland with him, each and every year. He threatened me multiple times and I even have multiple audio recordings of him threatening to kill me.
Don’t get me wrong his family was accomodating, lovely and very lovingyet he was the complete opposite, the black sheep.
I do not regret meeting his family even though I did eventually sever my ties with them all after he agreed to leave me alone and pay me back for all the damage he had done, because I wanted no more to do with this demonic person and if that meant not speaking to his family and friends, then that is what I had to do.
I wanted him to know as little about me as possible.
This carried on for years and he made sure my daughter never saw what he did to me.
He was afraid after one particular incident where the Police were called and he was arrested, they wanted me to press charges but like a fool I refused.
My stupidity got the better of me (I thought I could reason with him and get the required help he needed. I believed I could change him and make him better. (You can never change a person that does not want to change) I learned that the hard way.
He started to make a habit of being physical towards me, it was as if he wanted to feel in control over me and that is when I said enough is enough and for him to leave me alone once and for all otherwise I would personally go to the Police, I tried to show I was no longer afraid of him and showed him all the evidence I collated on him. I arranged to meet him in a public place and gave him the document and played one specific audio compilation. I said should anything happen to me I have made copies of all the recordings and they are also in the cloud. He did not seem to comprehend what that meant, he did not understand what the cloud is.
I would end up writing an invoice/document with my evidence and asking him to pay me monthly for all the damages and loss of earnings due to his narcissistic behavior. He agreed to pay me £100 per month which he did until recently as the payments always went out on the 20th.
Then suddenly out of the blue last year, he messaged me that he was returning my car that he point blank refused to give back as he needed it for work.
His excuse finally for returning the car was that his driving license was no longer valid in the UK and he was not going to surrender his Polish License for a UK License, hence no insurance company would insure him.
(Yet today I drop caught an email from his car insurance provider saying the payment for £36 had also failed and they will attempt to retry in 10 days). Lie after lie after lie!
Again had I reported the car stolen when I wanted the car back, he said he needed it for work and he threatened as long he was in the UK he would make sure that if I ever called the Police on him he would come after me (Poles stick together and he knows some unsavory characters). I was afraid of what he may do so I never caused waves.
Not thinking much of it as he was paying me like clockwork, my daughter who agreed to be his translator for the Bank recently started getting notifications on her phone by SMS that his credit limit was bordering on an unarranged credit.
Both my daughter and I laughed and agreed he most probably bought a car and that his excuse to return my car was a complete and utter lie.
I believe he has bought a Nissan Micra as he has been buying parts and copies of his emails occasionally drop into my inbox (I set his inbox up many moons ago and forwarded a copy to my inbox to help with translation). At that time he did not have an email address or know how to use one, let alone set one up. I guess he still has not figured out how to stop any forwarding of emails.
Yesterday both my daughter and I were called by the Bank and although I did pick up the phone, because I heard a dog in the background I was reluctant to talk, which now I wish that I had.I was skeptical it was a legitimate call. The woman said she was phoning all the numbers on file from HSBC bank as they were trying to locate my ex.
Moving forward to today the regular monthly payment stopped out of the blue. I had a notification that the direct debit for the monthly repayment had failed. So I proceeded to phone my ex and his phone was turned off, I had no choice but and unblock him off Facebook to message him by messenger.
I did manage to get through to him but prior to this, I established that he had left his place of work in December and was no longer a tenant at the address I had for him. I spoke with the landlady who said he had told her he had moved to Holland.
He responded by saying if the bank were to contact me again that I should tell them that I do not know where he is, proceeded by love heart emojis (Delusional, he still thinks I will do him favors or that I am his friend).
However, I do not know where he is exactly (he is playing mind games) but I am in two minds to find out because he owes me £35K.
I have published the whole invoice and evidence just to show people what he did to me just in case he has tried to blacken my name.
With Artificial Intelligence Banks can find your location and Karma will pay him a visit or the bailiffs.
His mother once tried to defend him after I found out he had served time in prison, that her innocent child was not the instigator that put someone on a life support machine. I should have listened to the warning signs then.
This should be the end of the chapter for me but I am hesitant as I have always been afraid of him.
I should smear his name so that other women who foolishly may get involved with him think twice and maybe my post can help a woman thinking of getting involved with him not to get hurt, but that would no doubt come with consequences.
I suspect by his Facebook profile he is involved with someone and I do not want to stir the nest.
I pray for this woman that he treats her better than he ever treated me.
If I go to the Police now in the UK and he has fled the country there is little they can do.
I could get my solicitor in Poland to start legal proceedings to recover the money but do I need the hassle because this did not happen on Polish soil and I doubt I will have a leg to stand on?
He in all honesty has not got two pennies to rub together so what hope in hell will I ever have to get my money back unless I get the bailiffs to take his house off him… I know his mother has signed the house over to him (he is an only child).
Warning this PDF has sensitive material which can cause triggers and may be upsetting to some people.
(The images in the PDF are old and my personal appearance has now changed, I have also redacted his name and address). This is just the tip of the iceberg because I have the audio recording and have to relive the nightmare in my head. I do try to block out the things he said and did to me which I did record. But I am still apprehensive knowing he could easily come after me if he wanted. Hence I want to move somewhere where he can never find me.
The Audio Recording Of The Threats.
I am having problems uploading the file, it could be because of security reasons, and because it has sensitive material it may be censored. I do however have about 50 of these recordings and there is one that has three recordings synced into one.
He is claiming he is not in debt (delusional, as he owes me money, the bank, and the car insurance company for starters) and that I am making a mountain out of a molehill, so why did my £100 not go through and why is the Bank and Insurance Company chasing him?
Although I have published this article and in a way, I can now have a clean slate, he is still trying to push my buttons and as long as I do not know where he is I feel unsafe.
Until the Bank stops bombarding both my daughter and me over the debt he has accumulated, I cannot let this rest and if push comes to shove I will Name and Shame him for all the world to see.
I did try phoning the Bank and they told me to go into a branch and explain. I got my daughter to go in as I am very reluctant in venturing outside. I just have an overwhelming fear of being around people, I feel 100% safer in my home not that I can call it home but more so a place to crash.
I published his photo, but have since redacted it including his name and address for now, and will show the original document to the Bank to prove what he has done.
Aftermath Of His Narcissism.
“I suffer from depression and anxiety, I lose my balance with my cognitive impairment due to my cerebellar atrophy, yet I still try to stay positive”.
The things he did to me:
He sprayed chemicals into my eyes.
He punched my soft spot (fontanelle)at the top of my head several times.
He punched me multiple times in my face.
He scrammed my face with the bristles of a broom claiming he would only be able to touch me with a broom because I was filth.
He raped me (marital rape, I had no choice but to comply otherwise there would be consequences.
He dislocated my knee (kicking it full force until it popped).
He urinated over me and in my mouth (he said if I was to bite he would snap my neck). This has been particularly hard for me to share, because it was humiliating, and degrading. He would laugh as he was doing it, as I was trying not to swallow and the aftertaste was very bitter and rancid as I was spitting it out.
He would spit at and on me (photo evidence in PDF).
He tied a laptop cable around my neck and tried to hang me. (Photo evidence of marks around my neck). It was only because he heard some coming in through the front door that he untied me. I reckon a few minutes more and I would have been dead.
He tried pushing me down the stairs. I grabbed onto the walls and banister to break my fall.
He broke my ribs (photo evidence of bruising around my torso) because he ridiculed me for doing kickboxing and wanted to prove a point that I would not be able to defend myself. I never returned to the lessons and stop learning to drive because I was in so much pain and my driving instructor was getting fed up with me canceling my lessons all the time.
He mentally abused me, saying the evilest things anyone could think of, (that I was ugly, stupid a piece of meat, a whore, etc). He even spoke about my mother even though he had never met her and said the apple does not fall far from the tree and referred to the saying “like a mother-like daughter”.
He stole from me. He stole a gold necklace plus other jewelry.
He damaged my belongings and my home ( photo evidence in PDF)
He threatened to kill me multiple times (I have the audio recordings to prove this). He even threatened to petrol bomb my home.
I refused him entry so he broke in.
“Will I ever get involved with anyone again, I highly doubt it, once bitten twice shy as they say. I am too hurt inside to ever want to share my life with someone again”.
I have really bad trust issues now and would be very wary of ever allowing anyone to play a part in my life. I have built something for myself that I never could have done before as I was not able to because of the narcissistic behavior I endured.
I want to show my daughter I am strong after all I am supposed to be the one that takes care of everything even though I sometimes struggle to take care of myself.
Today I messaged him (I had no choice) , to ask what his plans were to pay me seeing his £100 direct debit agreement had failed. He responded by saying firstly to leave him alone and that I was scamming him and that I should get a job 🤣.
So the money he owes me that he claims I am scamming him yet he paid like clockwork for two years (in my defense why would he pay me a single penny if he claims I was scamming him?) he how claims it was a lie and that he was paying me to pay off my debts🤣😂😆. and conveniently forgot all about the damages he made which I photo evidence in the embedded PDF lol.
He continued to say he will cause problems for me and will state he lived with me which was untrue, he lived in another flat a couple of streets away from me, and then sofa surfed but never lived with me officially, yes I cooked for him until eventually, I stopped. He came over when he pleased and once when I purposely refused to let him in he smashed the stained glass front door window to let himself in. Because I had no proof i.e CCTV that he did it I had to replace the glass which cost me £1,200 and board up the window until the glaziers came. (I even have his landlady’s telephone number). I should have seen him for what he was from the beginning a down and out bum, a liar, and a demonic narcissist.
He is full of lies and deceit and I have taken it upon myself to write off the debt of £35K but I will use this lesson to teach others. He is too much trouble than it is worth. I will make this money back and will learn from this.
I did remind him I had the audio recordings and if he tried to cause problems I would hand the recording over to the police, and in response, he sent me a tulip and pink heart emoji 🌷💗.
I feel sad and at one point my hand was shaking so much I could control my fingers and hardly type a word on my phone.
I am unsure where in the world he is and a part of me is still looking over my shoulder.
I told him to stop messaging me and it has now gone quiet.
He once said he would smash all my windows and petrol bomb my house and today he wished me good health (I suppose I am reading into this too much, but that could be an innuendo that I should watch out).
I really do not want to dredge this up and go through court and get the Police involved I want a peaceful hassle-free life. I want to put the past behind me.
Even if I tried to get my money back he is in no position to pay me back and has no money apart from the house he owns in Poland.
He had the opportunity when he returned the car last year to state his intentions of what he was planning to do and not suddenly stop paying me.
I was in two minds taking this post down, but have re-thought that should I ever have any problems or something happens to me or my daughter I have this post as evidence of my concerns.
“Good riddance to bad rubbish, he is someone else’s problem now”.
Recovering From Domestic Abuse.
Recovering is never easy and I take each day as it comes. I do find some days harder than others but somehow I find that if I keep myself occupied and busy I do not have time to think. Writing my journal I am basically having an out-of-body experience and although the memories will never go away in time they will fade.
I do not associate writing this down that it happened to me even though it did, I just see words that are part of the content. I will no let myself dwell on all the evil things he did to me, I have moved on and what happened to me happened to me in the past which is an old chapter.
If I had to chance to do everything all over again I would not have entertained him for one minute and would never have met him. The way I see it now it is one of life’s lessons and all I can do now is share my story and perhaps help someone else.
Whenever he was confrontational I would become submissive I would talk in a softly spoken voice only if I really had to otherwise I would not speak at all. Sometimes this would rattle him that he was not getting the attention from his gaslighting so to protect me, I would respond only to make sure it would not escalate into something worse.
He would always criticize me because I looked after myself and did kickboxing not that it helped me. I would always make an effort with my appearance and lost a lot of weight after my mother and brother had died. I was very conscious of what I ate and was ridiculed constantly. The more effort I made on my appearance the more abuse I had so eventually I stopped caring.
My way of coping now is to only talk to people online, I do not like talking over the phone and have not left my home for nearly three years other than once to meet my brother for the day.
I cannot walk very far because of the pain in my knee.
I have social disconnection issues and much rather prefer my own company.
I am trying to self-heal at my own pace, taking baby steps one day at a time.
I lose my balance a lot (cerebellar atrophy)
I muddle my words up( cognitive impairment -cerebellar atrophy)
My OCD symptoms have gone through the roof and I simply cannot touch anything that someone else has touched without disinfecting it first.
I am afraid of being touched or having human physical contact.
I have really bad trust issues.
Yes, certain things that I see and hear do sometimes trigger me, yet I somehow find the courage to learn from it
Prior to that at the beginning of my relationship with my ex I did reach out to someone in my inner circle at my daughter’s 16th birthday party and this person never brought the subject up again.
I also sent an email explaining my circumstances this year to another person who said they would phone me but never did.
My neighbors who heard the commotions rather than intervene and call the police simply reported me to the landlord about the noise.
Reporting to the Police.
Should I have reported this to the police when I had the chance, of course, I should have, but I did not because I made to choice to not have this dragged through court and have media attention.
Furthermore, I did not want to go to a woman’s shelter, they tried doing that at the beginning when he sprayed chemicals in my eyes, but I refused to press charges.
The support worker in the women’s shelter tried to get information out of me and said quote “this is a safe space what you tell me will not go any further, and that she is my friend”, so I replied“in this lifetime and the next we will never be friends because how can I be friends with someone I have just met”and was forced to meet by the police?
(“I thought I could reason with him and make sense of what he had done and maybe change him. That was pure 100% stupidity and naivety on my part as you can not change something that is evil that does not think they have done wrong or does not want to change”).
Like I said he is now someone else’s problemnow and he no longer resides in the UK.
I have made sure he does not find me hence I am removing my carbon footprint to remove my physical address. I ideally would want to move to a different location so that even if my address did pop up on the internet it would be my old one.
People do not care unless it is related to them. Some people do not want the drama and would much rather step back than try to help.
This is why I do not want to be around people because caring and being kind are two different things. Being kind is doing something in the spur of the moment, and caring is going above and beyond your call of duty.
People may say they care but in reality, they don’t.
I am done confiding with my inner circle, if anyone needs or wants to know what I have gone through I can now direct them to this page.
I do not want any sympathy or pity or have people feel sorry for me. I do not want to be labeled as damaged goods. In fact, I do not want to be known or remembered as the person that survived a domestic violent relationship, in fact, I do not want the attention at all. If anything I want people that have or are going through similar types of situations to reach out and share their stories and have emergency exit plans.
There is nothing shameful about being a victim or survivor of a domestic violence relationship. There are many domestic cases and some hidden behind closed doors where no one gets to see what is really happening and what’s going on right now.
According to WHO Estimates published indicate that globally about 1 in 3 (30%) of women worldwide have been subjected to either physical and/or sexual intimate partner violence or non-partner sexual violence in their lifetime.
Personally, I do not need pep talks I do not want anyone to be my friend. I know what I need and what I have to do to get it.
I am not happy where I live now because I am surrounded by so many bad memories. I just like where I live now I hate it. I walk around with blinkers and do not take pride in my home.
My mental health is not good but I know one day it will get better.
I have good days and bad days. On the bad days, I just switch off and disconnect from people completely. I try to distract myself by reading, learning, and watching something on the streaming channels or writing.
My tolerance level is zero and I do not have much patience. I know only care about my daughter and my family, not so much myself but I am taking baby steps to change. I watch motivation videos and am learning about neuroplasticity. I also try to hypnotize myself whenever I can.
I suffer from depression: https://disabledentrepreneur.uk/deep-dark-depression/
I need sleeping tablets to sleep otherwise my mind would be left racing throughout the night. I need medication for my knee although the pain is manageable because I do not go anywhere other than around my home.
I can say I enjoy empowering and motivating people and can disconnect from my own personal dilemma and try and help, by giving advice through my own mistakes.
I am a kind and generous person and I will give support and advice where ever it is needed.
I am comfortable enjoying my own company and maybe one day when I am strong enough I may decide to venture out into the big bad world, but as it stands I am taking one day at a time.
I used to go out and once shared office space on the high street and every time I came in I had derogatory comments from the proprietor saying look the “car crash has just walked in”. I ended up leaving.
I feel safer in my own home. I have anxiety issues leaving especially after one Christmas when I really did not want to go abroad but under duress, I had to, only to come back to having my home robbed by another low-life individual. I am afraid of being robbed again with multiple people having keys including workmen as one let himself in not so long again, thinking I was not at home. So I rather stay put and protect my belongings as I trust no one.
Am I apprehensive that someone may read this and let him know I have written about him? of course, although I have taken steps to redact my name and contact details so that my real name is not public information. (Robots do not read images unless you put alt text and tag them).
I am grateful I am alive and that he did not kill me. I am grateful I have gotten rid of him from my life. I am grateful he is not in the UK any longer. I am grateful that I can start rebuilding my life and start healing.
I can help people men and women with domestic violence issues by simply talking to them I do not have to make friends just give guidance. I am not a professional counselor but I can guide you in the right direction. You can send a message on this site and it will be passed on to me. You do not have to give your true identity either.
DOMESTIC VIOLENCE USEFUL LINKS
If you have been the victim of domestic violence, you should tell the police. If you are in imminent danger try to be calm and have an emergency exit plan. Keep things from escalating and call the police at the first opportunity you have. Use code to notify other people you are in danger.
Emotional Distress is the intentional infliction of emotional discomfort on another person and is a common law tort that allows people to sue organizations and individuals for severe emotional distress caused by another person or entity who intentionally or recklessly inflicted emotional distress by behaving in an “extreme and outrageous” way.
What are the types of emotional distress?
There are two types of emotional distress cases, negligent and intentional.
You can claim monetary compensation for the emotional distressthe discrimination has caused you – this is called ‘injury to feelings.
You’ll need evidence of this and if you have it documented as I have through my “online journal” you can build a case against the perpetrator or entity which needs to show how the discrimination made you feel.
You will need witnesses or evidence of who you are naming and blaming and you need to start asking your family, friends, colleagues, medical professionals, or support workers if they’ll be witnesses to how the discrimination affected you.
An injury to feelings claim is a claim that can be made as part of a judgment, discrimination, humiliation, mental and physical abuse claim but not an unfair dismissal claim. It is a claim for compensation for the upset, distress, or anxiety a person might have suffered as a result of discrimination, humiliation, mental abuse, physical abuse.
Negligence Emotional Distress: As an example, my GP’s surgery has failed in their duty of care and as a consequence has caused me emotional distress.
Intentional Emotional Distress: Another example of an entity(s) that caused a domino effect caused me emotional distress.
The purpose of an injury to feelings award is to compensate the individual for the hurt and distress they have suffered rather than to punish the entity or (person held liable) for the discriminatory conduct. However, the sum awarded should not be so high that it amounts to a windfall nor should it be so low that it diminishes respect for the law.
The lower band which is appropriate for less serious cases such as where the act of discrimination is an isolated or one off occurrence.
The middle band for serious cases which do not merit an award in the highest band.
The top band for the most serious cases such as where there has been a lengthy campaign of discriminatory harassment. In exceptional circumstances, the top band can be exceeded.
Subsequent case law established that a 10% uplift should be applied to any award and that the Vento bands should be increased annually in line with inflation.
For claims brought on or after 6 April 2019 the current bands are:
**Please Note Stress & Anxiety Compensation:
In case of prolonged symptoms, your compensation claims could range between £48,000 to £101,000.
For mild psychiatricdamage, your compensation claims could range between £1,300 to £5,000.
Business Emotional Distress.
Tortious interference, also known as intentional interference with contractual relations (is a business dispute), in the common law of torts, occurs when one person intentionally damages someone else’s contractual or business relationships with a third party, causing economic harm.
As an example, someone could use blackmail to induce a contractor into breaking a contract; they could threaten a supplier to prevent them from supplying goods or services to another party, or they could obstruct someone’s ability to honor a contract with a client by deliberately refusing to deliver necessary goods.
A tort of negligent interference occurs when one party’s negligence damages the contractual or business relationship between others, causing economic harm, such as, by blocking a waterway or causing a blackout that prevents the utility company from being able to uphold its existing contracts with consumers.
Can you sue your ex for emotional distress?
Yes, you can, as a general rule, you can sue for emotional distress, if your ex has caused you mental health issues and as a consequence, you are depressed and have PTSD you can sue this person.
In fact, whether you are filing an insurance claim or pursuing a personal injury action in court, your emotional distress damages are accounted for as a significant part of your financial recovery.
To prove a claim for intentional infliction of emotional distress a plaintiff must prove that:
The defendant’s conduct was outrageous and caused you distress.
The conduct was either reckless or intended to cause emotional distress
As a result of the defendant’s conduct the plaintiff suffered severe emotional distress (depression, PTSD, anxiety, stress, social disconnection, ocd).
Causes of Emotional Distress Include:
Loss of a Job
Medical Malpractice & Negligence
PTSD from witnessing a loved one’s premature death
Insecurity of knowing the unkown, when an entity playing mind games with your financial status and does not respond to you in a quick and timely manner.
Symptoms of Emotional Distress:
Loss of Apetite or Comfort Eating.
Insomnia, finding it hard to sleep.
Social Distancing, pulling away from people and things.
Feeling lethargic, having low or no energy
Having unexplained aches and pains, such as constant stomach aches or headaches
Low Self Esteem. Feeling helpless or hopeless
Excessive smoking, drinking, or using drugs, including prescription medications
Thinking of hurting or killing yourself or someone else.
Often cases such as domestic violence can lead the victim to either criminal or civil proceedings, and he or she will need to decide which option to follow first or which to devote energy to before seeking both options. Emotional distress is usually one aspect of pain and suffering that the judge may award in compensation.
Although the above explains the legal side of things you have to be prepared to name and blame the entities and expect the repercussions of the aftermath of your litigation.
You have two choices and that is you let your negative feeling go and never mention them again (bury your emotions) or you go down the route to seek monetary compensation.
In my lifetime I would have already been a millionaire by now had I chosen to sue everyone that did me wrong.
In light of the young woman “Gabby Petito” who was murdered in Florida most recently, the story has hit home and has opened up so many bad memories for me.
At the time of this article, being published there is a manhunt going on for her fiance “Brian Laundrie”.
Watching the video of the patrol officers when both the young woman and her fiance were first pulled over, I could relate to some of what was happening at the time.
Gabby was being very overprotective, not only for herself, but she also did not want Brian to get into trouble so she took the blame. She wanted to defuse the situation so that her partner would not be angrier once the authorities had gone.
She also blamed her OCD. (Yes I can relate to this also however if I was talking to someone to get them off my back I would use the OCD excuse).
By coincidence, I suffer from OCD and I know how frustrating this is to someone who does not suffer from it.
I used to be called “CRAZY” by someone I thought I trusted, even as I speak to today there is a stigma attached to people with mental health issues. I was told multiple times by the person who tried to control me that I needed to be locked up in a lunatic asylum. This could have been a trigger to start an argument for Gabby and Brian, as my OCD got me into a lot of arguments myself.
So it is no surprise that a recent conversation I had with someone I have known for 40 years who learned I had OCD never bothered to ring me back after he said he would.
The problem is I do not give people second chances anymore, I used to, but my mindset has changed. If someone does me wrong that is it, I will not have anything more to do with them.
If people assume that disabilities especially mental health ones are labeled as “crazy”, I have news for you being anxious, depressed, and having panic attacks are also mental health issues, so we all have an element of craziness in us.
For me at the time of my physical and mental abuse, I had lost my brother to a drowning accident and felt my life was falling apart. I believed that the person I had turned to for solace, whom I trusted would protect me from harm ended up the person who nearly cost my life.
When I first met my ex-partner in 2009 I should have gone with my gut feeling as I did not like him at first. I remembered my brother’s words shortly before his passing that I should start dating. I had been divorced for nine years and did not need anyone in my life up until that point when my parents passed away and then my brother.
My ex had heard I had come into a large inheritance and my naivety prevailed as I thought he was in pursuit of me, not my money (I was very naive and stupid), so in January 2010 we started dating.
Everything seemed fine until I heard in February 2010 my brother was involved in a freak accident in Ecuador where he sadly lost his life.
I needed my ex more than ever to help me stay sane. I did start to have feelings for him (I cared for him but was not in love, more like lust) and found when he started to show his true colours approximately four months later after my brother had passed away, whilst we were visiting my family in Poland for a wedding, I should have seen all the warning signs with his vulgarity and disrespect to me and left him there and then, but I didn’t.
On the way back to the UK he was just rude and vulgar but not physically abusive. It would be approximately a year later that he physically attacked me.
This is when my whole world turned truly upside down. I felt I was in the middle of the eye of a tornado where not only did he physically assault me, I then had the authorities putting pressure on me to have him charged. I felt my whole world falling apart and I could not cope with the anguish and the stress.
Similar to what this young woman was going through in the video I tried to defend him and say it was my fault that things got out of hand, so as not to cause further anger or cause a rift between us.
I believed then (not now), that people are not born evil and thought once the dust settled I could reason with him and get him the help and therapy he needed without getting him into trouble with the authorities. That was a stupid naive mistake I made as one can inherit narcissistic traits.
“You cannot change a person that does not want to change”.
This did not turn out well or go in my favour when I refused to press charges. I then became a target and was treated like a criminal for harbouring a would-be criminal in the eyes of the law and the authorities turned against me and threatened to take away my child.
I was in the middle of a storm and had no one to turn to. I did not trust anyone and I felt very alone. I was scared how would I cope with being on my own even though it did not dawn on me I was actually alone for nine years prior to meeting my ex, so why did being alone actually matter?
I was obviously not thinking straight. Just like “Gabby” I was afraid to lose the person I hoped to settle down with. It did not matter how many people advised me or how many people tried to keep us apart I had one goal and that was to make amends and start over, forgive and forget.
Needless to say, my ex did get charged by the Police and ended up going on remand for a week in jail but because I refused to give evidence the charges got dropped for lack of them.
I was now an enemy of the state.
Had the Police not got involved in the first place there could have been a totally different outcome and I could have easily been maimed for life or ended up dead. However, after he was released from custody his behaviour only got worse over time.
I was advised to move or go to a women’s shelter which I point blank refused. I thought why should I go on the run, move home and my business because of him. I had a woman’s shelter person insist on making them my friend and again, I did not want anything to do with strangers I just wanted to sort out the mess all by myself.
I ended with a police marker on my property and that if I was ever to call the Police or anyone else called the police, they would have blue lights blazing or so I thought.
It was hard to gain my ex’s trust after that and his anger only festered even more as he blamed me for getting the police involved even though he drew the first sword so to speak. He was in complete denial that he had done anything wrong.
From then on I was the target of verbal abuse on a constant basis and he was careful most of the time that there were no witnesses to his behaviour especially my daughter who he did not trust either as both my daughter and I were two peas from the same pod. However, there were a couple of occasions once on a busy high street where I was walking back from a Garage whilst my daughter was in school where he poured a can of beer over my head on busy high street causing the hairdressers to run out of the shop to comfort me and another time in Poland where he punched me whilst he was driving the car with his elderly aunt in the back. Other than that he did everything when there was no one around.
There were a lot of incidents that stuck in my mind and as I write this article I am still not ready to tell the world what exactly happened and what he did to me.
It is still very mentally painful for me to recall everything and I have tried to suppress my mental wounds and memories knowing in time I will heal. I hope one day to tell my story to help women just like Gabby.
It is more common than people think especially in Poland as an example and by coincidence another wife-beater whose wife I happened to help about two and half years ago in a similar situation to mine only messaged me the other day to help him.
These men are delusional and considering he knows my ex-partner and what he did to me as he listened to the audio recordings I have, you would think considering he too was in a similar situation not so long ago himself, he would not be so naive to think I would help him.
Polish people stick together in communities especially in a foreign land and because English is my native tongue but I am bi-lingual that is why Poles come to me for help.
I told him I was busy for the next few months with work and told him to contact someone else. I have no intention of helping someone that beats women one day and acts like nothing happened the next.
I know none of what has happened to me was my fault. It was my ex’s insecurities that made him the way he was, not to mention that it is part of the culture in rural areas of Poland where the men go to work grafting in fields all day whilst the women are supposed to keep a tidy home, have their dinners ready and oblige to every whim.
Furthermore, the abuse is passed from generation to generation especially considering that some men drink excessively to the point they are paralytic and that is when the demons come out. Although my ex was very much sober when he was physically and mentally abusive towards me and was more subdued when he was drunk, these are the characteristics of a narcissist, a dangerous, psychotic person.
Looking back at my ex, his mother admitted she was physically and mentally abusive to her crippled wheelchair-bound husband when my ex was a toddler. So from a young age growing up, he started to have a hatred towards women and I witnessed how he pushed his elderly mother’s frail body nearly causing her to fall. I also heard his vulgarity towards his own mother who walked out of the room so as not to show him that his words hurt her and that she was crying. He never apologized when she returned just stared at her giving her dirty looks.
The last straw that broke the camel’s back for me was when I decided to put a stop to his abuse once and for all. He dislocated my knee and that was it there was no turning back. I had already collected enough evidence previously and had started to hate him (there is a thin line between love and hate). Any feelings I had for him had long gone.
I then came up with a plan, I could see that he was getting, even more, angrier with me and that there was no reasoning with him so I started to collect evidence and recorded him secretly.
Over time I managed to collect enough evidence that he would be facing jail for a very long time and with this evidence which I presented to him I gave him an ultimatum to leave me alone once and for all and to payback for all the damages otherwise, I would go to the Police. I made multiple copies of the evidence I had and told him should anything ever happen to my daughter or me, the police would go looking for him.
He knows that if he fails to pay me for everything he has broken or tries to come near me he will have the Police knocking on his door.
Yes he caused me harm and I do have memories but I can safely say I was lucky to have got away from him for good.
I have blocked him on all social media and unfriended all his friends, family, and associates. The less he knows about me the better.
Am I still concerned he may carry out his threats, perhaps if I provoked him, that is why I remain to stay civil until I am ready to disassociate myself for good?
Moving is my final goal. My businesses are online with no physical addresses so I have no worries there. There will be a time when I sever all ties with him when I am good and ready.
My circumstances and the threats he made I will not divulge until I am ready to tell the world, hence I have CCTV outside my property, had the locks changed, and am very vigilant.
I do not go out because of my mental and physical health which some of it was caused by my ex.
I have a long road to recovery and where someone asked me the other day am I in a relationship, even though I had told this person previously many months prior about my ex, this individual was oblivious to the fact that my ex has caused considerable mental and physical damage, so why on God’s earth would I ever want to get involved with anyone ever again?
I have in my lifetime witnessed my father slap my mother, my cousin being dragged by her hair by her husband. Have had my own personal experiences and have had been made aware of domestic violence in the Polish Community in the City I live in.
Abuse majority of the time is behind closed doors. People are either too afraid to get help, are too embarrassed, or simply do not know how to end the nightmare they live in.
Some people believe they can change a person (I was one of them), but in reality, you cannot change a person unless they are willing to accept your help and are willing to change.
Sometimes an assault can happen when you least expect it.
If you are in imminent danger try to get away. Sometimes talking calmly and showing you are not afraid can help to defuse the situation and then when you are confident you can leave without getting harmed leave at the first opportunity.
If you are in a situation where this happens often and you have not found the courage to leave or report the crime, secretly record the abusive behaviour. You do not have to have catalouges of episodes, one incident is enough, and then make a secret plan on the first opportunity to leave and not return. Try to have an escape plan. (In my case he was a visitor in my home so it was hard to get him to leave).
I actually did reach out to my dead brother’s girlfriend to hide and she turned her back on me.
Things you should.
At the first opportunity go to the police, especailly if you have children or are in imminent danger.
Prior to fleeing delete all of the abusers friends, family and associates off all social media accounts and block them. (Tell your partner your account was taken down by social media for sharing something that goes against their policies, not that you closed it as that will make the abuser angry).
Give all the people you know nicknames and change their real names to the nicknames on your phone should the abuser insist on going through your phone to see who you phoned last or who had phoned you.
Change your passwords on everything.
Arrange to stay with someone that is not the obvious person on the list your abuser will go and visit.
Let all the people you know in your network, your friends, family they have nicknames and that if they get an unknown call from the abuser to not identify themselves. The only risk is ther abuser may recognise their voice.
Save some money put a few pounds/dollars aside each week so that when you are ready to flee you are able to do so without any monetary difficulty.
Keep all your important documents together, passport, driving licence etc so that you have no worries they will get destroyed by the abuser and you have them to hand in an emergency.
Have a bag packed ready to go. (Make sure your abuser does not clock on what you are up to. Do not make it a suitcase more a like a large handbag, small holdall or backpack)
Be careful who you talk to and trust.
Cover your tracks.
Invest in another phone with another number so that if your abuser uses his acquaintances to phone you it will be more difficult to track you down.
Keep your accounts private on social media and do not accept anyone you do not know as a connection, as your abuser could easily set up a fake account just to trap you or get an unknown friend to spy on you.
Do not be ashamed of your situation, many women and men are going through domestic violent relationships right now as we speak. Tell your neighbours to be aware of loud noises or raised voices.
Do not try to fight or retaliate in a volitile situation, instead try to stay calm and quiet to try and defuse the situation and once the coast is clear and the situation has calmed down make an excuse that you will go up the road to buy a bottle of wine or some beer giving you the opportunity to leave in a safe manner. Say it is a peace offering to start over. Do not try sneaking out as that will relight a smouldering flame.
They say an apple does not fall far from the tree and knowing I had a police marker on my property when a boy threatened my daughter a couple of years later I phoned the police. After 10 minutes of no sounds of sirens in the far distance and no police to my daughter’s rescue, I phoned again and the operator turned around and I quote “we are sitting at the end of your street waiting for you to phone us”. Imagine the seriousness of the call every second mattered so if my daughter and I were in imminent danger I do not believe the police would be in any hurry blasting their sirens to rescue us. Like I said before, I think I am now an enemy of the state because I did not press charges.
Going back to “Brain Laundrie”, this is only my opinion, he is most probably very scared and insecure and I believe and this is something my ex’s mother said to me all those years ago, if I were to press charges and, my ex was going to face jail, he would most probably kill himself and she would blame me. It is a vicious circle that I believe started with her narcissism towards her husband in front of her child who turned out to be a narcissist.
As for the whole “Brian Laundrie” case, I am sitting on the fence just like the rest of the world but if my child had killed their partner or was in serious trouble with the authorities I would try to persuade them to turn themselves in. I certainly would not go on a camping trip as a family and I would try and give all my support to the person’s family of the child that was murdered. There are too many unanswered questions and I do hope they find Brian alive so that this can bring closure to Gabby’s family.
What is the worst that can happen for Brian apart from the freeboard and lodgings he will indefinitely have if he is sent to jail if it was accidental or manslaughter? If on the other hand, it was first-degree murder then that constitutes the death penalty in Florida, but even then I would try to rehabilitate myself and help mentor other people with narcissistic problems before I met my maker.
There is a lot of outcry because of so many other missing persons in the USA and the rest of the world but the focus is on one person to be found preferably alive to be made an example of.
The way I see it, Gabby would not have died in vain and instead become a symbol and sacrifice for women all over the world to get out of abusive relationships before they meet the same fate as Gabby.
Gabby should be made a Saint by the Vatican.
More needs to be done to spread awareness of the dangers of abusive relationships.
“My condolences to Gabby’s family and thoughts and prayers at this most difficult time”.
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