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Category: Abusive Relationships

Navigating Grief While Studying or Working

Navigating Grief While Studying or Working: Strategies for Coping and Healing



Grief is an inevitable and universal aspect of the human experience, touching the lives of everyone at some point along their journey. Whether it’s the profound loss of a loved one, the end of a significant relationship, or facing unexpected challenges and disappointments, grief manifests in various forms and stages throughout our lives. It is a natural response to the pain of loss and the disruption of familiar patterns, dreams, and expectations. From the earliest stages of childhood to the later years of adulthood, grief is an emotion that unites us all, reminding us of our shared vulnerability and humanity. While the circumstances and intensity of grief may vary from person to person, the universal truth remains that grief is an intrinsic part of the human condition, shaping our experiences and deepening our capacity for compassion, resilience, and understanding.

Grief is a natural and multifaceted emotional response to loss. It encompasses a range of emotions, thoughts, and behaviors experienced when someone or something significant is lost. While commonly associated with the death of a loved one, grief can also be triggered by various other types of loss, such as the end of a relationship, the loss of a job, or a significant life change.

Here’s an overview of grief and its different types:

  1. Normal or Uncomplicated Grief: This is the most common type of grief experienced after a loss. It involves a range of emotions such as sadness, anger, guilt, and confusion. Individuals may also experience physical symptoms like fatigue, changes in appetite, or trouble sleeping. Over time, with support and coping strategies, most people gradually adjust to the loss and resume their daily activities.
  2. Anticipatory Grief: Anticipatory grief occurs before a significant loss, such as the impending death of a loved one due to a terminal illness. Individuals may experience feelings of sadness, anxiety, and mourning as they anticipate the loss and begin to process their emotions before it occurs. Anticipatory grief can provide an opportunity for individuals to prepare for the impending loss and say goodbye to their loved ones.
  3. Complicated Grief: Complicated grief, also known as prolonged or unresolved grief, is characterized by intense and prolonged symptoms that interfere with daily functioning and hinder the process of adaptation to the loss. Symptoms may include persistent feelings of sadness, yearning, guilt, or bitterness, as well as difficulty accepting the reality of the loss and moving forward with life. Complicated grief may require professional intervention and support to address underlying issues and facilitate healing.
  4. Disenfranchised Grief: Disenfranchised grief refers to feelings of loss that are not openly acknowledged or socially validated. This type of grief often occurs when the relationship with the deceased or the nature of the loss is not recognized or accepted by others, leading to a lack of support and understanding. Examples of disenfranchised grief include the loss of a pet, a miscarriage, a relationship breakup, divorce, or the death of a friend or colleague. Individuals experiencing disenfranchised grief may struggle to find validation for their feelings and may feel isolated in their grief.
  5. Cumulative Grief: Cumulative grief occurs when multiple losses occur within a relatively short period, compounding the intensity of grief reactions. This can include experiencing the deaths of multiple loved ones, facing multiple significant life changes, or enduring ongoing challenges or traumas. Cumulative grief can be overwhelming and may require additional support and coping strategies to navigate effectively.
  6. Ambiguous Loss: Ambiguous loss occurs when there is uncertainty or lack of closure surrounding a loss, such as when a loved one goes missing, or when the nature of the loss is unclear, such as in cases of dementia or severe mental illness. Individuals experiencing ambiguous loss may struggle with conflicting emotions and may find it challenging to grieve and move forward without clear answers or resolution.

“Understanding the Spectrum of Grief: Exploring Various Triggers and Experiences”



  1. Death of a Loved One: This includes grief experienced after the death of a family member, friend, or partner.
  2. Divorce or Relationship Breakup: Grief resulting from the end of a significant relationship, including divorce, separation, or the breakup of a romantic partnership.
  3. Miscarriage or Stillbirth: Grief experienced due to the loss of a pregnancy, either through miscarriage or stillbirth.
  4. Loss of a Job: Grief triggered by the loss of employment, which can include feelings of financial insecurity, identity loss, and uncertainty about the future.
  5. Financial Loss or Bankruptcy: Grief resulting from financial difficulties, such as bankruptcy, foreclosure, or significant monetary losses.
  6. Loss of a Pet: Grief experienced after the death or loss of a beloved pet, which can be particularly intense for pet owners who view their pets as family members.
  7. Loss of Family and Friends Through Death: Grief experienced due to the death of multiple family members or friends, either through natural causes, accidents, or other circumstances.
  8. Trauma: Grief resulting from exposure to traumatic events, such as natural disasters, accidents, or acts of violence, which can lead to feelings of shock, numbness, and emotional distress.
  9. Rape or Sexual Assault: Grief experienced by survivors of rape or sexual assault, which can involve a range of emotional responses, including fear, shame, anger, and confusion.
  10. Physical or Emotional Abuse: Grief experienced by individuals who have been subjected to physical or emotional abuse, including domestic violence, bullying, or harassment.
  11. Serious Illness or Disability: Grief triggered by the diagnosis of a serious illness or the onset of a disabling condition, which can involve feelings of loss, fear, and uncertainty about the future.
  12. Natural Disasters: Grief experienced by individuals who have been affected by natural disasters, such as hurricanes, earthquakes, or wildfires, which can result in loss of life, property damage, and displacement.
  13. War or Conflict: Grief resulting from exposure to war or conflict, including the loss of loved ones, displacement, and trauma associated with combat or political unrest.
  14. Cultural or Identity Loss: Grief experienced by individuals who have undergone significant cultural or identity changes, such as migration, displacement, or the loss of cultural heritage.
  15. Loss of Dreams or Expectations: Grief triggered by the failure to achieve personal goals, dreams, or expectations, which can lead to feelings of disappointment, regret, and disillusionment.
  16. Environmental Loss: Grief resulting from environmental degradation, loss of biodiversity, or destruction of natural habitats, which can evoke feelings of sadness, guilt, and concern for the planet.

These are just a few examples of the diverse range of experiences that can trigger grief. It’s important to recognize that grief is a highly individual and complex process, and individuals may experience multiple types of grief simultaneously or sequentially throughout their lives. Providing support and understanding to those experiencing grief is essential for healing and recovery.

Understanding the different types of grief can help individuals and their loved ones navigate the grieving process more effectively and seek appropriate support when needed. It’s important to recognize that grief is a highly individual experience, and there is no right or wrong way to grieve. Each person’s journey through grief is unique, and healing takes time, patience, and self-compassion.

Grief is a complex and deeply personal experience that can significantly impact various aspects of our lives, including our ability to focus and perform at work or in academic settings. Whether you’ve lost a loved one, experienced a significant life change, or are dealing with any form of loss, the journey of grief can be challenging to navigate, especially while trying to maintain productivity and concentration in your studies or job. However, it’s essential to recognize that it’s okay to grieve and that there are strategies you can employ to cope with your grief while still fulfilling your responsibilities.

Strategies For Coping



  1. Acknowledge Your Feelings: The first step in coping with grief while studying or working is to acknowledge your emotions. Suppressing or ignoring your feelings can lead to increased stress and difficulty concentrating. Take the time to recognize and accept your emotions, allowing yourself to feel whatever you’re experiencing without judgment.
  2. Communicate with Peers and Supervisors: Don’t hesitate to communicate with your peers, professors, or supervisors about what you’re going through. Sharing your struggles with trusted individuals can provide emotional support and understanding. It also allows others to offer assistance or make accommodations if necessary, such as extending deadlines or providing additional resources.
  3. Create a Supportive Environment: Surround yourself with a supportive environment that fosters healing and understanding. This might involve seeking out supportive colleagues or classmates who can offer a listening ear or joining a grief support group where you can connect with others who are experiencing similar challenges.
  4. Practice Self-Care: During times of grief, it’s crucial to prioritize self-care. This includes getting enough sleep, eating nutritious meals, exercising regularly, and engaging in activities that bring you joy and comfort. Taking care of your physical and emotional well-being can help you better manage stress and maintain your energy levels.
  5. Set Realistic Goals and Expectations: While it’s essential to continue working or studying, it’s also important to be realistic about what you can accomplish during this period. Set achievable goals and expectations for yourself, and don’t hesitate to ask for help or delegate tasks when needed. Remember that it’s okay to take breaks and prioritize self-care when necessary.
  6. Establish Boundaries: Set boundaries to protect your emotional well-being and prevent burnout. This might involve limiting your workload, setting aside specific times for grieving or self-care activities, and learning to say no to additional responsibilities that may overwhelm you.
  7. Seek Professional Help if Needed: If you find that your grief is significantly impacting your ability to function at work or school, don’t hesitate to seek professional help. A therapist or counselor can provide support, guidance, and coping strategies to help you navigate your grief in a healthy way.
  8. Practice Mindfulness and Stress-Reduction Techniques: Incorporate mindfulness and stress-reduction techniques into your daily routine to help manage overwhelming emotions and improve concentration. Techniques such as deep breathing exercises, meditation, and progressive muscle relaxation can help calm the mind and reduce anxiety.
  9. Find Meaning and Purpose: As you navigate through grief, try to find meaning and purpose in your work or studies. Connecting with your passions and focusing on projects or activities that bring you a sense of fulfillment can help provide a sense of purpose and motivation during difficult times.
  10. Be Patient and Kind to Yourself: Above all, be patient and kind to yourself as you navigate the grieving process. Grief is a journey that unfolds at its own pace, and it’s okay to have good days and bad days. Give yourself permission to grieve, seek support when needed, and remember that healing takes time.

“Supporting Employees Through Grief and Depression: A Guide for Employers”



Supporting employees who are dealing with grief and depression is crucial for maintaining a compassionate and productive work environment. Employers play a significant role in providing assistance and creating a supportive atmosphere for individuals facing these challenges. Here are several steps employers can take to help employees who are suffering from grief and depression:

  1. Promote Open Communication: Encourage open communication between employees and management regarding mental health struggles, including grief and depression. Create a culture where employees feel comfortable discussing their challenges without fear of stigma or discrimination.
  2. Provide Mental Health Resources: Offer access to mental health resources and support services, such as Employee Assistance Programs (EAPs), counseling services, and hotlines. Ensure that employees are aware of these resources and know how to access them confidentially.
  3. Educate Managers and Supervisors: Train managers and supervisors to recognize the signs of grief and depression and to respond with empathy and support. Provide guidance on how to approach conversations about mental health and how to accommodate employees’ needs while maintaining confidentiality.
  4. Offer Flexible Work Arrangements: Provide flexible work arrangements, such as remote work options, flexible hours, or job sharing, to accommodate employees’ needs during difficult times. Flexibility can help employees manage their workload while dealing with grief or depression.
  5. Implement Bereavement Policies: Establish clear bereavement policies that provide employees with paid time off to grieve the loss of a loved one. Ensure that these policies are communicated effectively and applied consistently across the organization.
  6. Encourage Self-Care: Promote self-care practices among employees, such as taking regular breaks, engaging in physical activity, and seeking support from friends and family. Encourage employees to prioritize their mental and emotional well-being and provide resources to support their efforts.
  7. Create a Supportive Work Environment: Foster a supportive work environment where employees feel valued, respected, and supported. Encourage teamwork, collaboration, and camaraderie among employees, and discourage behaviors that contribute to a toxic or stressful work environment.
  8. Offer Training and Workshops: Provide training sessions and workshops on mental health awareness, coping strategies, and stress management techniques. Equip employees with the knowledge and skills they need to support themselves and their colleagues during difficult times.
  9. Lead by Example: Demonstrate empathy, compassion, and understanding as a leader or manager. Lead by example by prioritizing mental health and well-being in your own life and encouraging others to do the same.
  10. Regularly Check-In: Schedule regular check-ins with employees who are dealing with grief or depression to assess their well-being, offer support, and discuss any accommodations they may need. Show genuine concern for their welfare and be proactive in addressing any issues that arise.

By implementing these strategies and fostering a supportive and understanding work environment, employers can help employees who are suffering from grief and depression feel valued, supported, and empowered to prioritize their mental health and well-being.

“Compassionate Support: How Schools and Universities Can Aid Students Through Grief and Loss”



Schools and universities play a crucial role in supporting students who are grieving by providing resources, understanding, and a supportive environment. Here are several steps that educational institutions can take to support grieving students:

  1. Establish a Grief Support Network: Create a dedicated support network within the school or university, including counselors, psychologists, social workers, and other trained professionals who can provide emotional support and guidance to grieving students.
  2. Educate Faculty and Staff: Provide training and resources to faculty and staff members on how to recognize the signs of grief and support students who are struggling. Educate them on the importance of empathy, active listening, and creating a safe and supportive space for grieving students.
  3. Offer Counseling Services: Ensure that counseling services are readily available and accessible to students who are grieving. Provide individual counseling sessions, support groups, and workshops focused on coping with grief and loss.
  4. Flexible Academic Accommodations: Offer flexible academic accommodations to students who are grieving, such as extended deadlines, excused absences, and alternative assignment options. Work with students on a case-by-case basis to develop a plan that meets their academic needs while allowing them the time and space to grieve.
  5. Communicate with Compassion: Communicate with compassion and empathy when interacting with grieving students. Let them know that it’s okay to seek support and take time off if needed, and reassure them that their well-being is a top priority.
  6. Create a Supportive Community: Foster a supportive community within the school or university where students feel comfortable sharing their experiences and supporting one another. Organize events, workshops, and support groups focused on grief and healing to provide students with opportunities to connect and find solidarity.
  7. Raise Awareness and Reduce Stigma: Raise awareness about grief and mental health issues within the school or university community to reduce stigma and promote understanding. Encourage open dialogue about grief, loss, and mental health, and provide resources for students seeking support.
  8. Provide Referrals to External Resources: Offer referrals to external resources and organizations that specialize in grief support, such as local counseling centers, support groups, and helplines. Ensure that students know where to turn for additional help if needed.
  9. Promote Self-Care and Wellness: Promote self-care and wellness practices among students, such as mindfulness, meditation, exercise, and creative expression. Provide resources and workshops focused on stress management and self-care techniques to help students cope with grief and improve their overall well-being.
  10. Follow-Up and Check-In: Follow up with grieving students regularly to check on their well-being and see if they need any additional support or accommodations. Let them know that they are not alone and that the school or university is there to support them throughout their grieving process.

By implementing these strategies and creating a supportive environment, schools and universities can play a vital role in helping students navigate the challenges of grief and loss while continuing their academic pursuits.

Conclusion

Coping with grief while studying or working can be challenging, but it’s possible with the right strategies and support systems in place. By acknowledging your feelings, communicating with others, practicing self-care, setting realistic goals, seeking professional help if needed, and being patient with yourself, you can navigate through grief while still fulfilling your responsibilities and moving forward in your academic or professional pursuits.

Remember that it’s okay to ask for help and that you’re not alone on this journey.

Further Reading


#grief #death #divorce #mentalabuse #physicalabuse #loss #financialloss #breakups #depression #clinicaldepress #anxiety #fatigue #anger #selfcare #meditation #mentalhealthsupport #mentalhealth #counselling #therapy #psychologist #schools #colleges #universities #employers #employees #eductionalsystem


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Abusive Relationships – What Women Should Do

Abusive Relationships – What Women Should Do

Abusive Relationships – Empowering Women to Take Control

Abusive relationships are a painful reality for many women across the globe. These toxic relationships can take many forms, including emotional, physical, or psychological abuse, and can leave lasting scars on the survivors. It is crucial to understand that no one should ever tolerate abuse in any form, and women, in particular, should be empowered to take control of their lives and seek help when needed. In this article, we will explore what women should do if they find themselves in an abusive relationship.

Recognize the Signs

The first step in addressing an abusive relationship is recognizing the signs. Abuse is not limited to physical violence; it can manifest in various ways, such as controlling behavior, verbal insults, isolation from friends and family, or financial manipulation. It’s essential to understand that abuse is never the survivor’s fault and is never justified. By recognizing the signs of abuse, women can take the first step toward regaining control of their lives.

Seek Support

One of the most critical steps for women in abusive relationships is seeking support. This support can come from trusted friends and family members who can provide emotional and practical assistance. It’s vital to remember that you don’t have to go through this alone. Reach out to those who care about you and let them know what you’re going through.

Additionally, organizations and hotlines dedicated to helping survivors of abuse are available in many countries. These resources can provide guidance, information, and a safe space to discuss your situation. The National Domestic Violence Hotline in the United States, for example, offers confidential support 24/7.

Safety Planning

Safety planning is a crucial component of leaving an abusive relationship. This involves creating a plan to ensure your safety and the safety of any dependents, such as children or pets. A safety plan may include:

  1. Identifying a safe place to go in case of emergency.
  2. Keeping important documents (e.g., ID, passport, financial records) in a secure location.
  3. Develop a code word or signal to use with trusted friends or family members when you need help.
  4. Establishing a support network of people who can provide emotional and practical assistance.
  5. Saving money or securing access to financial resources.

Legal Protections

Understanding your legal rights and protections is essential when dealing with an abusive relationship. Laws and regulations vary by country and jurisdiction, but common legal protections may include restraining orders, custody and visitation rights for children, and financial support.

Consulting with an attorney who specializes in family law or domestic violence can provide valuable guidance on navigating the legal aspects of leaving an abusive relationship.

Therapy and Counseling

Healing from the trauma of an abusive relationship often requires professional help. Therapy and counseling can provide survivors with the tools and coping mechanisms needed to rebuild their lives and regain their self-esteem. Individual therapy, group therapy, or support groups specifically for survivors of abuse can be immensely beneficial.

Self-Care and Self-Compassion

Recovering from an abusive relationship can be a long and challenging journey. It’s crucial for women to prioritize self-care and self-compassion during this process. Taking care of your physical and mental well-being, setting boundaries, and practicing self-love are essential steps toward healing.

What is the definition of a narcissist?

A narcissist is a person who displays excessive self-centeredness, a strong sense of entitlement, and a lack of empathy for others. Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is a psychological condition that characterizes individuals with these traits to an extreme degree. While not everyone with narcissistic traits has NPD, those with the disorder typically exhibit the following key characteristics:

  1. Grandiosity: Narcissists have an inflated sense of self-importance and a belief that they are special, unique, or superior to others.
  2. Fantasies of Success, Power, or Beauty: They often daydream about achieving greatness, power, or physical attractiveness.
  3. Need for Admiration: Narcissists crave constant admiration and validation from others and often seek it relentlessly.
  4. Sense of Entitlement: They believe they are entitled to special treatment and may exploit others to achieve their goals or meet their needs.
  5. Lack of Empathy: Narcissists struggle to recognize or understand the feelings and needs of others, leading to a lack of empathy and often insensitive behavior.
  6. Manipulative and Exploitative Behavior: They may use others to further their own interests without regard for the other person’s well-being.
  7. Fragile Self-Esteem: Despite their outward confidence, narcissists can have fragile self-esteem that is easily wounded by criticism or perceived slights.
  8. Envy and Belief That Others Are Envious: Narcissists may feel jealous of others’ successes and assume that others are envious of them.

It’s important to note that narcissism exists on a spectrum, and not all individuals who exhibit narcissistic traits have NPD. Some level of narcissism is common in human behavior, and it can be healthy to have a certain amount of self-esteem and self-confidence. However, when these traits become extreme and interfere with a person’s ability to maintain healthy relationships and function in society, it may be indicative of Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

Dealing with a narcissist can be challenging, as they often have difficulty acknowledging their behavior and seeking help. If you believe you are in a relationship with a narcissist or are struggling with narcissistic tendencies yourself, seeking guidance from a mental health professional can be beneficial.

Narcissists often use manipulative tactics to control and manipulate their victims. It’s important to be aware of these tactics so that you can recognize them and seek help if you are in an abusive relationship.

Here are 20 common behaviors that narcissists and abusers may use to control their victims:

  1. Gaslighting: They will make you doubt your own perceptions, memory, and sanity by denying things they’ve said or done.
  2. Isolation: They may isolate you from friends and family, making you more dependent on them.
  3. Verbal Abuse: This includes name-calling, yelling, and belittling you to undermine your self-esteem.
  4. Silent Treatment: They may use this tactic to punish you and exert control by withholding communication.
  5. Threats: Narcissists and abusers may threaten to harm you, themselves, or someone you care about to keep you in line.
  6. Financial Control: They may control your finances, making you financially dependent on them.
  7. Monitoring: They might excessively monitor your activities, including texts, calls, and social media, to keep tabs on you.
  8. Manipulation: Using guilt, pity, or other emotions to get what they want or to make you feel responsible for their actions.
  9. Triangulation: They may involve a third party to create jealousy or insecurity in your relationship.
  10. Projecting Blame: They often blame you for their actions or problems, never taking responsibility themselves.
  11. Love-Bombing: At the beginning of the relationship, they may shower you with affection and attention to gain your trust.
  12. Demeaning Jokes: They may disguise insults as humor, making you feel like you’re too sensitive if you’re hurt.
  13. Selective Amnesia: Narcissists might conveniently forget promises or agreements that don’t serve their interests.
  14. Stonewalling: They refuse to communicate or cooperate, leaving you feeling powerless and frustrated.
  15. Emotional Blackmail: Threatening to harm themselves or end the relationship if you don’t comply with their wishes.
  16. Invasion of Privacy: They may go through your personal belongings or invade your personal space without permission.
  17. Minimizing Your Accomplishments: They belittle your achievements to maintain a feeling of superiority.
  18. Guilt-Tripping: They make you feel guilty for asserting your needs or boundaries.
  19. Playing the Victim: Narcissists often play the victim to gain sympathy and manipulate your actions.
  20. Love Withdrawal: They may withdraw affection, attention, or intimacy as a form of punishment or control.

It’s crucial to remember that if you suspect you are in an abusive relationship, seek support from friends, family, or professionals who can help you navigate the situation and find ways to ensure your safety and well-being. Leaving an abusive relationship can be challenging, so it’s important to have a support system in place.

Conclusion

Abusive relationships are a painful and unacceptable reality for far too many women. However, it’s essential to remember that there is help and support available. No one should have to endure abuse, and every woman deserves to live a life free from fear and oppression. By recognizing the signs of abuse, seeking support, and taking proactive steps to ensure safety and healing, women can break free from abusive relationships and regain control of their lives.

Although you may feel your world is crumbling down around you, you can turn the situation around.

If you live together hatch a plan either wait for the first opportunity and lock him/her out and then phone the police or if you live under his/her roof have an emergency bag available and leave at the first opportunity. Make sure you have all your important documents and valuables packed. Have some money stashed away, even if it is only for a taxi, and go to the nearest police station. From there they will guide you in the right direction.

Do try and learn all the resources that are available and we have compiled a list here! It may seem scary to start a new life from scratch but millions of people do this every single day, you are not alone. Join mentoring groups.

If the abuser is the main breadwinner, there is financial help available.

Think of this way if immigrants are housed in hotels you will not find yourself homeless.

You will breathe a sigh of relief once you make the move and start living independently without being in danger. You can start feeling happy again.

A lot of women do not leave because they have feelings for the abuser even though they know they are behaving irrationally, (remember this person will not change no matter what you do). Some women do not leave because they are too scared to start a life independently and have depended on the abuser for so long.

“Make the break before it is too late”!

“A person who abuses another does not care or love you. A person who loves you will keep you on a pedestal and will not harm you in any way. A person who loves you will be your protector, not your attacker”.

Every time he/she apologizes after you get slapped, means nothing, a leopard does not change its spots and he/she will not change, in fact, the more it goes on the more confident they become that they can do it again to control you, because you have done nothing to stop them.

Never give second chances, do not believe the sob stories that they will change. They only say this because they are vulnerable and desperate and you are removing their oxygen.

Do not let it get out of hand because your life is more important and leaving it could cost you your life.

Remember, you are not alone, and there is hope for a brighter future.

Further Reading

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https://disabledentrepreneur.uk/useful-links-2/

https://cymrumarketing.com/landlords-and-tenants-useful-links/

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My OCD, My Story!

My OCD the Story of Renata Entrepreneur

My OCD is germ contamination that started 38 years ago but was diagnosed in 1992.

This surgery has moved and DR Dolben has retired. My medical records including this letter would be on the system. My medical records are now held at Meddygfa Albany Surgery 219-221 City Road Roath Cardiff CF24 3JD and the head Doctor is Dr. Capatana.

Symptoms

In the beginning, I started to adopt unusual habits I did not understand what it was or why I was doing it other than I had to release the impulsive urge otherwise it would torment me. There was no internet back then so could not google it.

Looking back now my mother had similar traits but not as bad as me and some were a little different.

When I tried telling my mother in her later years she was in complete denial. My father was not happy because he did not know what OCD was and did not like me whipping out Dettol Surface Spray every five minutes and simply thought I had a screw loose.

What is OCD

OCD is a common debilitating condition affecting individuals from childhood through adult life. There is good evidence of genetic contribution to its etiology, but environmental risk factors also are likely to be involved. The condition probably has a complex pattern of inheritance. Molecular studies have identified several potentially relevant genes, but much additional research is needed to establish definitive causes of the condition. Genetics of OCD – PMC (nih.gov)

Hereditary OCD.

My mother had OCD, for example, when we came home from school my mother would make us stand in a small area in the kitchen to take our shoes off, we would then have to go upstairs immediately and stand on a newspaper to take our uniform off and get changed.

My mother had a habit of checking the soles of our shoes or even guest shoes as no one could come into the house without taking them off in the corridor. I reckon if anyone caught her doing what she did they would be mortified.

All grocery shopping would have to be washed with detergent before it could go in the cupboards. Some foods such as bakeries would have the outer packaging wiped with a dishcloth.

My mother had problems with newspapers and mail (just like me), she was careful how she opened them, everything had to be in a certain place and could not be touched unless it was in a certain area of the house and we would have to discard the outer envelopes and wash our hands.

My father’s jacket would always be inspected for dirt, especially on the hem and sleeves after he hung it up. I think her OCD put a strain on their marriage, although I think they had problems way before she developed the disorder which I believe was a direct consequence of how my father treated her.

Ongoing studies point to a genetic defect in the way the front area of the brain communicates with deeper areas. These deeper structures use serotonin, a chemical messenger. Images of the brain in some people with OCD show that these defective communication circuits work more normally with serotonin-based medications or cognitive behavior therapy. OCD Causes: Is OCD Genetic, Hereditary? | HealthyPlace

The start of my OCD symptoms.

I was 21 when I started to develop OCD traits, it was whilst I was in a relationship with someone who took advantage of his position in a Bank he worked in, and any attractive-looking female customers he would look for their names, addresses, and phone numbers up and phone them to ask them out for dates (this would never be allowed to happen now because of GDPR but as I got more suspicious that he was playing away I phoned the numbers that he would leave lying around and the women would confirm that they went out with him. Amazingly, no one reported him because he is now a regional bank manager thanks to me finding the job in a job center and applying on his behalf somewhat 38 years ago.

The straw that broke the camel’s back.

I think the straw that broke the camel’s back was when out of the blue with no notice at all he said it was over between us. To be honest I was madly in love with him (he looked like a young version of Tom Cruise a spitting image of Top Gun Movie 1 and now looks more like David Cameron MP (Yes I have looked him up and blocked him). I would have taken a bullet for him (my ex not the MP), regardless of what he did.

In my heart, I forgave him as long as we would stay together, but pressure from his parents especially his mother did not approve of me as the daughter of a working-class immigrant who wanted her precious son to have a more upper-class suitor. His sister was also never a fan because it was her boyfriend who arranged a blind date that got us together and at the last minute bailed only to ask her brother to take his place. I was not aware of how much grief this would cause, and I would have been pissed if the roles were reversed and it happened to me, so did not blame her for being angry. She ended up breaking up with her boyfriend after that.

I knew at the heart of hearts there was something very seriously wrong in our relationship (with my ex) and that he was a player. I started to wash my hands and body in ‘Dettol Antiseptic Disinfectant’ liquid, which either would be undiluted on my hands or mixed in my shower gels and shampoos because I believed I wanted to wash the other women’s scent off me when he was intimate with me.

To this day I will only use Dettol Brand, I use it when I bathe and also when I wash my clothes. It cannot be any other brand other than Dettol.

I think what escalated my OCD was when I found out he was visiting brothels and he caught an STD, by that time we were not having sex but the thought of him having crabs grossed me out. It’s a long story about how I found out and it will be in my autobiography when I publish it.

I then started to be very vigilant about my surroundings, I started to have the shower curtain outside the bath, which would cause the floor to get wet and also get him angry, which in turn caused arguments. I could not stand the shower curtain clinging to me as I was showering and to this day I have not changed this habit. I now have a glass folding door fitted in my bathroom.

After we broke up I think I must have had a nervous breakdown. I thought my life was over and I so desperately wanted him back, I realized why he no longer wanted to be with me because he met someone who worked at the bank (I believe everything happens for a reason, had I not found him that job, things would have maybe turned out differently) but looking at it now he did me a favor. I then decided to move away so that I would never bump into him again. I have since blocked him on all social media so if he was ever to look me up he would never have a hope in hell of ever speaking to me.

Coping with OCD over the years.

Over the years and depending on what was going on in my life I have good days and bad days but I learned to cope and adapt.

I did keep my OCD hidden for many years as I was very embarrassed to admit there was something wrong with me.

It was when people in public places bumped into me (busy towns) I started to have an issue with social connection. When using public transport I hated people sitting next to me. It got to the stage where I would avoid buses altogether and it rattled me when someone would push past me or if they bumped into me (say sorry) my argument would be if I was a car and there was a collision they would be doing more than apologizing.

I would find it hard to go to restaurants and cafes and have my own set of cutlery. I became vigilant about how the server served the drinks and how close to the rim of the glass their fingers would be. I ended up drinking from straws. I have been known to clean the seat before sitting down, this would get people to give me funny looks. Imagine sitting on a seat where the previous person has sat who may have tram lines in his or her undergarments.

My OCD is germ contamination. My impulse is not to touch unsanitized objects and my compulsion is to clean and disinfect whatever I am in contact with.

I have now opted out of socializing, it’s embarrassing to wear latex gloves in public. There is a stigma attached to people who behave differently from the rest of the batteries in the matrix. The chances of being judged or ridiculed are too much for me to bear.

I prefer to live behind a computer screen than interact with the outside world.

Don’t get me wrong I would venture out in a medical emergency but try to avoid going out to avoid the trauma and stress, because of germ contamination. I would take extra precautionary measures and if I could not disinfect anything I would throw it out. I rather avoid any human interaction.

I have all my groceries, prescriptions, and shopping delivered. All statements and invoices are online.

I also have a problem with flies (fruit flies in particular) but flies in general that sit on dog poo and then sit on your surfaces turn my stomach. In the summer months, I am armed with fly spray by the dozen.

My Compulsions

My compulsions, I do try and fight as much as I can, say, for instance, if I have touched something by accident, I will go and change my clothes. However, there have been instances where I have not been able to sanitize expensive things and have had to through them away. I remember when my daughter was little and she stepped in dog poo, I ended up throwing out her shoes.

I cannot share my bath with anyone else other than my daughter. I cannot let anyone touch anything that belongs to me such as a laptop, books, or that kind of thing.

I cannot have someone sit next to me or touch me. Even my daughter’s cat knows not to jump on my seating area, although if he has brushed himself by accident against me I immediately have to take my leggings off to be washed.

I go through about 1000 pairs of gloves per month and use two bottles of 750 ml antiseptic disinfectant a week. I spent about £800 on this alone last year (I know this from doing my tax return).

The more stressed I am the worse my OCD gets. If people put pressure on me and cause me stress and anxiety the more it flares up.

My Triggers

  • Stress
  • Anxiety
  • Reminders of the trauma and grief I endured (negative thoughts)
  • Intrusive Thoughts (I must do this within minutes otherwise something bad will happen to me or my daughter)
  • My Personal Belonging Being Touched
  • Germ Contamination
  • Being Touched (Hugs)
  • Flies (Insects)
  • Dog Poo (cat poo or bird poo is not so bad, it is dog poo that is a trigger for me)
  • Animal Hair (especially dog hair)
  • Shaking Hands (how many people wash their hands when they have gone to the toilet)
  • Kissing
  • Sharing Plates of Food
  • Public Places that are not sanitized
  • Half-finished projects or errors that need correcting (I cannot leave an error for another day I have to correct it there and then)

Different Kinds Of OCD

As the internet evolved I started learning more and more about the different kinds of OCD. https://disabledentrepreneur.uk/different-types-of-ocd/

I was also surprised by how many famous people have OCD (alive and dead)

https://disabledentrepreneur.uk/category/famous-people-with-ocd/

MPs Charles Walker and Kevan Jones tell of mental health issues – BBC News

Social Disconnection

It is not that unusual for entrepreneurs to socially disconnect: https://disabledentrepreneur.uk/social-disconnection-entrepreneurs/

Keeping grief hidden can be a survival strategy after suffering a bereavement. New research shows that the social disconnection caused by concealing feelings of loss can increase psychological distress.

Social Disconnection is not always about OCD it could relate to other psychological distress disorders.

Every person on this planet will endure grief at some point in their lives. It will depend on how they cope which will determine the outcome.

My Therapy.

I find that scripting in a journal helps (I do it online but you can do it in a book, it’s down to personal preference at the end of the day) to get whatever off my chest. I have also tried meditation and hypnosis and you need to stick to it and do it religiously for it to work.

I have tried psychotherapy and CBT therapy and it only works in the short term. Speaking to shrink every week having to talk about the things you would rather forget is counterproductive. As for CBT, it is a therapy to change your thought process and resist the urge of the compulsion, the only way this kind of therapy works is under hypnosis which the NHS does not provide, and if you try and do it yourself you have to religiously work at it (miracles do not happen overnight).

I have self-hypnotized myself successfully although it is short-lived because I have to do it every day or a few times a week, in which I do not have the time for, considering I am working all day I am too tired and just want to go to sleep.

I also take prescribed medication, not that it helps my OCD all it does is help me fall asleep. I would not mind doing clinical trials of magic mushrooms (Psilocybin) which I have heard can help sufferers with OCD. It is illegal to harvest or use them, without medical supervision. They are considered Class A drugs.

Magic-mushroom drug can treat severe depression, trial suggests – BBC News

How Magic Mushrooms Can Resolve OCD – Happy Herb Company

The campaign to use magic mushrooms in OCD treatment | Psychonaut Care

How Psilocybin Mushrooms Can Treat Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) (sagebrains.com)

Magic mushroom compound performs as well as antidepressant in small study | Imperial News | Imperial College London

I keep myself busy and I am constantly learning about my disease so that I can not only help myself but help others like me.

I try to resist my urges as much as I can.

Germ Contamination

I am very vigilant about germ awareness and cross-contamination.

Motivating & Empowering & Advocate of OCD

I am an advocate for people with OCD. This is one of the reasons why I built this site to help people not only with mental but physical disabilities.

Just because I have OCD does not stop me from doing things inside my home, with PPE.

Stress & Cognitive Function. | DISABLED ENTREPRENEUR – DISABILITY UK

Just because you have a disability you still can strive to follow your dream even though you may have limitations there is usually a solution to every problem and you can overcome obstacles. There is nothing you cannot do if you put your mind to it.

Final Thoughts

Many neurodevelopmental conditions can often co-exist together, although can be treated in different ways.  

https://www.lanc.org.uk/related-conditions/obsessive-compulsive-disorder/

OCD rears its ugly head when you find it difficult to cope with life, OCD can be the onset of trauma and grief.

Stress, Anxiety, and everyday struggles can cause your OCD to get worse especially when people try to undermine, humiliate, and judge you. Try to not let anything get to you and if you want your own space to write your own story, just drop me a line below and I will create a landing page, free of charge. Whatever your disability may be mental or physical you can write to your heart’s content about yourself and your daily struggles. People love reading stories they can relate to.

Since coming out as an OCD sufferer I have been made to feel as if I am bonkers by Personal Independence Payments (PIP). They have made me feel like I have no authority to speak on disabilities even though I am the Editor of this website and have a Diploma in OCD hypnotherapy. I do not practice hypnotherapy and only took the course to help me. As I mentioned previously for hypnotherapy to work it is a process that has to be done religiously regularly. You cannot just hypnotize yourself in one session and expect miracles.

Whilst practicing hypnosis I have got myself into a very relaxed state.

It has helped me to a certain degree to resist my compulsions but has not eradicated my germ contamination obsession problem.

Furthermore, another day comes with more added stress and anxiety and I feel all my hard work has been a waste of time whereby I have just gone back to square one. I really should practice hypnotherapy every day for it to make some difference, yet never seem to find the time. My business comes first, as that is what pays the bills and brings food to the table.

I am not going to let PIP get to me, as a lot of the assessors have fewer qualifications than ‘Greta Thunberg’ who also happens to suffer from OCD.

Discussion of Greta Thunberg, OCD, & Polarization | Dave Armstrong (patheos.com)

Use the contact form below to drop me a line:

#obsessivecompulsivedisorder #ocd #mentalhealth #intrusivethoughts #germawareness #germcontamination #ocdcymru

Domestic Violence Narcissist Traits

Domestic Violence Narcissist Traits

What is Domestic Violence?

Domestic Violence is not always instantly visible as a person of violent tendencies, they may be a wolf in sheep’s clothing, and he/she may look innocent at first. They may try to reel you in with their charm and charisma. You may think you have struck gold and they will wait until your feelings turn to love, before they strike. They will then have ultimate power over you.

Remember not all that glitters is gold.

Usually, the perpetrator has narcissistic tendencies. This abusive behavior can be physical, but it can also be emotional, verbal, psychological, sexual, or financial abuse. Statistics show, that 1 in 3 women and 1 in 4 men have experienced domestic violence in their lifetime.

Signs of domestic violence in a relationship:

  1. Extreme jealousy, and paranoia, often with accusations of cheating, going to the lengths of stalking.
  2. Embarrassing or shaming you privately and publically.
  3. Controlling who you spend time with or talk to.
  4. Consistently humiliating, belittling, criticizing, and putting you down.
  5. Blaming you for their behavior, (everything is your fault after all (NOT)).
  6. Being in denial, plying down their actions, and making out you are exaggerating.
  7. Controls your finances and gives you little or no money at all.
  8. Physically abuses you by punching, spitting, pulling hair, and pushing you. Damages or destroys your valuables and electronics, Hurts you, or threatens to do physical harm to you or other members of the family.
  9. Tries to turn your children against you with manipulation.
  10. May hurt your children,

Signs from: National Coalition Against Domestic Violence and the DC Coalition Against Domestic Violence

How to Help a Friend or Family Member

When the victim reaches out to you do give them all the support they need. If they just want to talk lend them your ear. Do not give false promises you will phone and then you don’t. Do not try to brush it under the carpet and make it look trivial or avoid talking about it. If a friend or family member is in an abusive relationship, it’s important to know common warning signs and how to help, and it’s important to be a true friend that actually cares. https://disabledentrepreneur.uk/why-people-do-not-care/ . I will give you an example I sent a sensitive email to three people in my close network of family and friends and not one of them although they did acknowledge reading it never once tried to talk or listen. I once reached out to my deceased brother’s partner to give me a safe place and she never contacted me ever to see if I was ok. If I had gone somewhere where I felt secure I would have avoided the beatings I endured while staying in my own home.

Warning signs of domestic violence:

  1. The victim may become more withdrawn and you hardly ever see or talk with them anymore. They may develop social disconnection and fear of leaving their home.
  2. The victim may make excuses about socializing.
  3. The victim may start blocking everyone they know on social media (the abuser usually wants access to the victim’s social media accounts and will control the account.
  4. The victim’s personal hygiene may be affected, where they once cared about how they looked, they now do not care.
  5. The victim’s home may become uncared for and unclean.
  6. The victim will develop mental health issues, such as depression, anxiety, PTSD, grief, and OCD.
  7. The victim may still be in contact with their partner even when they are not together. For the victim, there could be a glimmer of hope that the abuser may turn over a new leaf but in reality, this will never happen.
  8. Their partner controls many of their actions including finances, or how long the victim can be out of the house or on the phone.
  9. The abuser makes fun of the victim and embarrasses them in front of you.
  10. The victim may make excuses to you and defend the abuser saying that it was really their fault that things escalated. (It is never the victim’s fault and they are kidding themselves if they say it is).

How to help:

  • Offer help but keep your distance. You do not want the victim to clam up.
  • Offer your ear and listen without being judgmental.
  • Do not give your opinion. Unless you are a professional expert in the field of domestic violence, your opinions are not of consequence. Don’t say things like “If I were you, I’d leave!” or “I wouldn’t put up with that behavior.” This could cause your friend or family member to withdraw or not see you as someone who can help. Instead, listen and become someone they confide in.
  • Do not judge or degrade the abuser. This can often backfire and the victim may become defensive. After all, you do not know the whole story or the abuser for that matter so who are you to judge?
  • Do not blame the victim for not leaving, in some cases, the abuser could be an unwanted guest in the victim’s home. the relationship. It is sometimes more complicated to leave all your belongings behind to flee to safety.
  • Do let the victim know you are concerned for their safety and you will be there no matter what, regardless of what time of day or night it is or what you’re doing. If the victim is in danger then it is an emergency and you have to drop everything and take action, whether it is phoning the police or rescuing the victim and taking them to a safe place.
  • Connect the victim with local resources who will be able to provide support.

Children Trapped In The Middle of An Abusive Relationship With Their Parents.

Domestic violence, research has shown that children who have witnessed domestic violence have the same life-long mental health effects as if they had experienced the abuse directly. UNICEF reports that over 275 million children worldwide have witnessed domestic violence.

Children who have witnessed domestic violence often experience long-term physical and psychological effects. Research has found they have 40% lower reading levels. They are at increased risk for PTSD, anxiety, and depression. Children who witness domestic violence are also at risk for physiological effects later in life, such as obesity, heart disease, and diabetes. Dr. Nadine Burke Harris, the Surgeon General of California, discusses this link between childhood trauma and toxic stress and the ongoing physical effects in her book The Deepest Well: Healing the Long-Term Effects of Childhood Adversity and says even sleeping infants can experience negative psychological effects of being in prolonged toxic stressful situations.

How can a child recover from experiencing or witnessing domestic violence?

  • Help children feel safe, give them 100% of your attention and make them feel special.
  • Talk with your children and teach them the abuse is wrong it was not their fault or yours, and that what they experienced or witnessed was the fault of a very unwell person that may need help.
  • Have children talk about what happened with a trusted adult and a professional therapist.

Further Reading

Hidden Hurt – Domestic Abuse Information, based in the UK

Male Victims of Domestic Violence

If you or anyone has been affected by Domestic Violence and wants someone to talk to just drop us a message using the form below. If you do not want to give your real name, that’s OK too, we do not ask questions we are just here to listen.

#domesticviolence #domesticabuse #mentalabuse #physicalabuse #sexualabuse

Renata’s Online Journal 11/05/22

Renata’s Online Journal.

My Online Journal is my safe space where I can share my stories and vent. I do not always write negatively but of late I have noticed blue-chip corporations treating people badly so not only is this my online therapy it also is a voice for people who cannot or do not know how to stand up for themselves.

Dear Diary,

I have not made an entry here for a while and yesterday was the ideal time to do some journaling and spill the beans.

The morning started out with me phoning all my insurance providers as I had deleted some direct debits in error. I suffer from cognitive impairment caused by cerebellum atrophy and sometimes muddle my words up. The words can be very overwhelming for me at times. Being stressed does not help and where I should have canceled one insurance policy, I actually canceled three. As it turns out the other two direct debits were obsolete, but still having to phone all nine companies was challenging.

The other problem I have is dreading talking over the phone so when I tried to rectify the problem via email I was point-blank declined and was told to call. The calling is not so bad but it listening to the prompts Press #1 for what you had for breakfast Press #2 for what you had for lunch and #Press #3 just to annoy you more (just kidding) although I have been subjected to up to 4 minutes of this from various companies before the annoying music starts playing. God forbid if your call drops and you have to start all the BS all over again.

Insurers do not make it easy, so although you may take out insurance by a said insurer the underwriters a separate company collect payment. So there could be the same underwriter for multiple insurers which can make it difficult when trying to find out who is who. I have done a spreadsheet so that I do not get caught out again, but by the 9th insurer I had enough, yet my day was only starting.

I then got an email from British Gas that they needed me to phone them to set up a direct debit. I have anxiety about talking over the phone to people. The term used is Telephobia, but I bit the bullet and phoned them. I got to speak to someone who at first came across as slightly condescending when she thought I was unemployed with mental disabilities, (people confuse mental disabilities with stupidity on the contrary Albert Einstien, Nikola Tesla, and Charles Darwin to name a few all had mental disabilities (OCD – Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) ) so it was a shock to her when I mentioned this site. She then changed her tune and was more understanding and helpful going as far as giving me some links and recommending that I contact some of the links she had provided.

What rattled me was, that I was paying £65 at the beginning of the year then it went up to £90, and yesterday she wanted £138 per month. I was told I use more gas than the average household. The way I see it regardless if I did not use any gas at all, I still would have to pay for the service. I am not going to reduce the quality of my life and sit at home freezing cold. or only cook once a week. If a person is struggling to pay £90 then how the hell are they supposed to find the money to pay £138?

A little bit of maths and common sense would not go a miss.

“What are people supposed to do, do they have to rob banks or starve”?

Our PM is allegedly dragging his heels at helping the UK with the rise in the cost of living yet he is quick to give support to Sweden and Finland. Yet coming from a privileged upbringing he has never had any worries about where his next paycheck is going to come from or about putting food on the table. Living in a home that was decorated from private donations and wallpaper at £840 per roll he will never understand how the other half lives. His wallpaper is ugly just saying and I would not pay £1 per roll let alone £840.

https://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/politics/boris-johnson-wallpaper-flat-refurb-b1850209.html

Someone on LinkedIn commented “that charity starts a home”, but what she failed to comprehend was the support in the event of a military attack on these countries will be money in BJs / Chancellor of the Exchequers Pockets so to speak. W#ar is big business at the expense of the people. How do you accumulate wealth if you do not lend money or charge interest on the money you lend out? This is how the money system works. If you lone out jets, sell ballistic and nuclear missiles you have to get paid and it’s one big game of the winner takes it all.

I do not support the funding of the lavish lifestyles of the 1% that think they own us and rob us blind. I never agreed to slave away, did you?

No one owns me. I have a voice and I am not afraid to use it!

I am a spiritual being in a physical body and we are here for a reason and it is to teach others, empower and motivate and not steal, abuse, or kill, we are supposed to be intelligent human beings, not animals.

We should be able to distinguish right from wrong and if the likes of P#tin who orders the mass killings then he is no better than something that has just crawled out of a sewer. These people are vermin.

In fact, any person in power that has done wrong should be punished the same way as a member of the public and should also be kicked out of office, I refer to certain politicians, that got a slap on the wrist and fines, for their publicized antics.

There is a Scottish MP trending at the moment that allegedly had £25 Million in Funding For PPE that supposedly ended up being used due to it not being of high quality and was returned. This MP is now being investigated.

Just imagine if this was the average entrepreneur that had done this, they would be facing a custodial sentence for fraud, but I guess if you own 6 houses (one in Belgravia in London) you have enough money to pay for a jail-free card on the monopoly board.

I spoke about a previous post about why people do not care and the customer representative said that people do care and that she cared (no they don’t unless it directly affects them). She then asked if could she help me with anything else and I said “Help me bring in more clients”, the call then ended without any feedback on my remark…I rest my case!

Reference the money she expected me to agree to I said I will pay, but will not be able to eat and the CEO of British Gas would certainly not have a problem bringing food to the table whilst I will and this is where she started to be sympathetic.

Frustration

I got my frustration out, if nothing else, and told her she was professional and had a calming voice, I just did not mention the fact she made me feel bad at the beginning of the conversation as what would have been the point. I felt had I not mentioned I am self-employed the conversation would have been slightly different.

If you have watched the video “The Hidden Secrets Of Money” By Mike Maloney”, you will start to realize this is one big game of monopoly with the Blue Chip Companies at the top of the food chain STEALING our prosperity.

“The is a Great Reset Looming on the Horizon”.

Do you think it is by chance this P#tin W#ar has broken out or is it something to do with the deficit spending and all the price rises? Have you forgotten about Brexit and how much money the UK is in debt by and how much money they have to pay back, never mind the trade w#ar in China and the USA? Putting the jigsaw pieces together can you not see a picture emerging?

These blue-chip companies get a 6% commission for our sweat, labor, and hardship. Do you think that the dictator started the w#ar himself or was it pre-arranged at the round table, by a selected few?

People at the top of the food chain seem to think they own and control you and in a way they do.

An example of a battery in the matrix was Virgin Media which I have for months had an ongoing dispute again I have communicated by email and have told them not to phone me and what do they do? they only phone even though I specifically requested not to. What was interesting though my phone was on “do not disturb” but they managed to get through and the phone rang. I re-iterated how much emotional distress they put me through and I am still no closer to a resolution as the email I was promised I would have, never materialized.

So you can imagine the poor sod on the other end of the line receiving my wrath and me saying “if you read my email do you not understand English”, his reply was he was ordered by someone above him to phone me and my final reply was that he obviously did not have the balls to stand up to the person. Most people are afraid of speaking up in the workplace for fear of being fired. People go to work like sheep to get their paychecks the majority do not go to work because they love the company that employs them they are solely there to do a job and get paid. They are human robots being told what to do. Their “VOICE” in the metaphorical sense of the word is taken away, they are slaves to the employer for the hours they work.

Anxiety & Panic Attack.

The day continued with my brother telling me that he is coming over to the UK at Christmas. Under normal circumstances, I should be ecstatic but I am having a panic attack simply thinking about it.

I have not left my home for three years due to social disconnection and OCD, actually, tell a lie I went out once to meet him last year for the day and I felt so ill after that but he was oblivious to my disability. He told me that I have to arrange my schedule and my work around him. He told me we will be talking this weekend coming.

Notice how my disability and my work are of no significance to him and I have to just get over myself.

The icing on the cake was the final straw that broke the camel’s back so to speak with my neighbor announcing she is moving within the month. she without a doubt had to be the nicest neighbor I have ever had, she was always kind, and caring and never did me wrong. I will miss her.

I do believe nothing standstills and when one door closes another one opens so although I felt very depressed yesterday with low self-esteem. That was yesterday though and your mood can change if you stay occupied and not dwell on what is bothering you. I am hopeful about tomorrow and about brighter things to come. I am fortunate I have an online journal to vent my anger which I can share with whoever wants to read my challenges. I did come across a website called (www.storiboard.co.uk) not mine may I add but a portal to share your stories.

Telling Your Story.

Anyone reading this who wants a platform to share their stories is more than welcome to subscribe here and I will make you a contributor or will manually upload your stories for you. It won’t cost you a penny only your time, it is completely free.

Domestic Violence.

I have gone through a lot over the last two decades (I won’t go into it all here but I am a ‘survivor of domestic violence‘ and this is what drives me to tell my story) I won’t say I am strong all the time. I have good days and bad days and yesterday was a bad day for me but I know I will get over it. I am still standing and I won’t let anyone break me, sure they can try but when they knock me down and I get back up again so help me God.

I will be writing my biography soon and I will be calling out all the people that have done me wrong. Don’t misunderstand me, I am not awkward or vengeful, I just think some people deserve their five minutes of fame.

Superiority.

No one on this planet is better than you, we all do the same things, we eat, sleep, and go to the bathroom, and we all cannot survive without water or air. We all have red blood and if Adam and Eve were the first people, then their children would have been inbred so we are all brothers and sisters. The world is an evil place with evil people living in it trying to suck the last ounce of happiness out of you. They should be very worried about what happens to them after they die. Just because some use 24kt Gold WCs does not make them any better than you. We all have the right to live on this planet in harmony and without having to worry about where the next paycheck is going to come from and if we can put food on the table. No one should fear for their lives or be killed for some political agenda. No one should lose their life for the sake of debt ceilings and deficit spending.

Invisible Disability.

I have an invisible disability and I expect to be acknowledged as a human being and not be judged, I expect people to give me the respect I deserve. I do not need anyone giving me advice, or being patronizing, after all when it comes to mental health I specialize in the subject hence why I built this site.

Never assume anything with me without asking me first.

I know if my finances improved so would my mental health. My cerebellum atrophy is incurable but with new drugs coming on the market, anything is possible. I am staying positive; hopefully, someone reading this will invest in me.

One day soon you will learn what one particular “evil animal” did to me and how I am recovering.

I have audio recordings of all the death threats he made to me.

He is no longer residing in the UK, he left last December for Germany however within a month of him starting work he was fired due to an altercation with a woman at his place of work, why does that not surprise me?

Unfortunately, because he does not speak fluent English he was unable to set up an email address so I did it for him and forwarded all his emails to me for translation purposes with his consent, however, I have no access to his settings anymore, and cannot un-forward myself hence I get his emails and all the antics he is getting up to.

I use Outlook and have blocked his email but people sending emails to him still come into my inbox. I have started marking them as spam as I have no other way of stopping any communication.

Remember not all that glitters is gold and that was my mistake and I have learned the hard way.

One day I will rise from the ashes and tell my full story.

Staying Positive.

Tomorrow is another day and I aim for a brighter future!

If you found this article insightful, please take a moment to share, comment, and subscribe. Also before you go, please also consider donating the equivalent of a cup of coffee to help keep this “Disability UK” Online Journal going.



#anxiety #stress #depression #lowselfesteem #mentalhealth #mentalhealthdisabilities #Centrica #JanaSiber


Blue Butterfly

Emotional Distress Compensation

Emotional Distress Compensation.

Emotional Distress Compensation.

What is Emotional Distress?

Emotional Distress is the intentional infliction of emotional discomfort on another person and is a common law tort that allows people to sue organizations and individuals for severe emotional distress caused by another person or entity who intentionally or recklessly inflicted emotional distress by behaving in an “extreme and outrageous” way.

What are the types of emotional distress?

There are two types of emotional distress cases, negligent and intentional.

You can claim monetary compensation for the emotional distress the discrimination has caused you – this is called ‘injury to feelings.

You’ll need evidence of this and if you have it documented as I have through my “online journal” you can build a case against the perpetrator or entity which needs to show how the discrimination made you feel.

You will need witnesses or evidence of who you are naming and blaming and you need to start asking your family, friends, colleagues, medical professionals, or support workers if they’ll be witnesses to how the discrimination affected you.

An injury to feelings claim is a claim that can be made as part of a judgment, discrimination, humiliation, mental and physical abuse claim but not an unfair dismissal claim. It is a claim for compensation for the upset, distress, or anxiety a person might have suffered as a result of discrimination, humiliation, mental abuse, physical abuse.

Negligence Emotional Distress: As an example, my GP’s surgery has failed in their duty of care and as a consequence has caused me emotional distress.

Intentional Emotional Distress: Another example of an entity(s) that caused a domino effect caused me emotional distress.

The purpose of an injury to feelings award is to compensate the individual for the hurt and distress they have suffered rather than to punish the entity or (person held liable) for the discriminatory conduct. However, the sum awarded should not be so high that it amounts to a windfall nor should it be so low that it diminishes respect for the law.

In the well-known case of Vento v Chief Constable of West Yorkshire Police No. 2 (2003) the Court of Appeal set guidelines on the amount of compensation to be given for injury to feelings (the so-called Vento bands) as follows:

  • The lower band which is appropriate for less serious cases such as where the act of discrimination is an isolated or one off occurrence.
  • The middle band for serious cases which do not merit an award in the highest band.
  • The top band for the most serious cases such as where there has been a lengthy campaign of discriminatory harassment. In exceptional circumstances, the top band can be exceeded.

Subsequent case law established that a 10% uplift should be applied to any award and that the Vento bands should be increased annually in line with inflation.

For claims brought on or after 6 April 2019 the current bands are:

**Please Note Stress & Anxiety Compensation:

In case of prolonged symptoms, your compensation claims could range between £48,000 to £101,000. 

For mild psychiatric damage, your compensation claims could range between £1,300 to £5,000. 

Business Emotional Distress.

Tortious interference, also known as intentional interference with contractual relations (is a business dispute), in the common law of torts, occurs when one person intentionally damages someone else’s contractual or business relationships with a third party, causing economic harm.

As an example, someone could use blackmail to induce a contractor into breaking a contract; they could threaten a supplier to prevent them from supplying goods or services to another party, or they could obstruct someone’s ability to honor a contract with a client by deliberately refusing to deliver necessary goods.

A tort of negligent interference occurs when one party’s negligence damages the contractual or business relationship between others, causing economic harm, such as, by blocking a waterway or causing a blackout that prevents the utility company from being able to uphold its existing contracts with consumers.

Can you sue your ex for emotional distress?

Yes, you can, as a general rule, you can sue for emotional distress, if your ex has caused you mental health issues and as a consequence, you are depressed and have PTSD you can sue this person.

In fact, whether you are filing an insurance claim or pursuing a personal injury action in court, your emotional distress damages are accounted for as a significant part of your financial recovery.

To prove a claim for intentional infliction of emotional distress a plaintiff must prove that:

  1. The defendant’s conduct was outrageous and caused you distress.
  2. The conduct was either reckless or intended to cause emotional distress
  3. As a result of the defendant’s conduct the plaintiff suffered severe emotional distress (depression, PTSD, anxiety, stress, social disconnection, ocd).

Causes of Emotional Distress Include:

  1. Divorce
  2. Seperation
  3. Breakup
  4. Mental Abuse
  5. Physical Abuse
  6. Isolation
  7. Discrimination
  8. Humiliation
  9. Judgement
  10. Eviction
  11. Loss of a Job
  12. Failed Business
  13. Medical Malpractice & Negligence
  14. PTSD from witnessing a loved one’s premature death
  15. Insecurity of knowing the unkown, when an entity playing mind games with your financial status and does not respond to you in a quick and timely manner.

Symptoms of Emotional Distress:

  • Loss of Apetite or Comfort Eating.
  • Insomnia, finding it hard to sleep.
  • Social Distancing, pulling away from people and things.
  • Feeling lethargic, having low or no energy
  • Having unexplained aches and pains, such as constant stomach aches or headaches
  • Low Self Esteem. Feeling helpless or hopeless
  • Excessive smoking, drinking, or using drugs, including prescription medications
  • Constant worrying,
  • Thinking of hurting or killing yourself or someone else.

Often cases such as domestic violence can lead the victim to either criminal or civil proceedings, and he or she will need to decide which option to follow first or which to devote energy to before seeking both options. Emotional distress is usually one aspect of pain and suffering that the judge may award in compensation.

Although the above explains the legal side of things you have to be prepared to name and blame the entities and expect the repercussions of the aftermath of your litigation.

You have two choices and that is you let your negative feeling go and never mention them again (bury your emotions) or you go down the route to seek monetary compensation.

In my lifetime I would have already been a millionaire by now had I chosen to sue everyone that did me wrong.

https://www.hg.org/legal-articles/can-i-sue-my-ex-boyfriend-for-emotional-distress-due-to-domestic-violence-49298

https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/emotional-distress

https://www.medicalnegligencedirect.com/suing-for-emotional-distress-uk/

https://www.moneygeek.com/debt/resources/how-debt-can-harm-your-health/

https://www.financial-ombudsman.org.uk/consumers/expect/compensation-for-distress-or-inconvenience

#emotionaldistress #emotionaldistresscompensation #ptsd #depression #anxiety #mentalabuse #physicalabuse #domesticviolence #ptsd #discrimination #humiliation

Trapped in a Domestic Violent Relationship.

Trapped in a Domestic Violent Relationship.

Trapped in a Domestic Violent Relationship.

In light of the young woman “Gabby Petito” who was murdered in Florida most recently, the story has hit home and has opened up so many bad memories for me.

At the time of this article, being published there is a manhunt going on for her fiance “Brian Laundrie”.

Watching the video of the patrol officers when both the young woman and her fiance were first pulled over, I could relate to some of what was happening at the time.

Gabby was being very overprotective, not only for herself, but she also did not want Brian to get into trouble so she took the blame. She wanted to defuse the situation so that her partner would not be angrier once the authorities had gone.

She also blamed her OCD. (Yes I can relate to this also however if I was talking to someone to get them off my back I would use the OCD excuse).

By coincidence, I suffer from OCD and I know how frustrating this is to someone who does not suffer from it.

I used to be called “CRAZY” by someone I thought I trusted, even as I speak to today there is a stigma attached to people with mental health issues. I was told multiple times by the person who tried to control me that I needed to be locked up in a lunatic asylum. This could have been a trigger to start an argument for Gabby and Brian, as my OCD got me into a lot of arguments myself.

So it is no surprise that a recent conversation I had with someone I have known for 40 years who learned I had OCD never bothered to ring me back after he said he would.

The problem is I do not give people second chances anymore, I used to, but my mindset has changed. If someone does me wrong that is it, I will not have anything more to do with them.

If people assume that disabilities especially mental health ones are labeled as “crazy”, I have news for you being anxious, depressed, and having panic attacks are also mental health issues, so we all have an element of craziness in us.

For me at the time of my physical and mental abuse, I had lost my brother to a drowning accident and felt my life was falling apart. I believed that the person I had turned to for solace, whom I trusted would protect me from harm ended up the person who nearly cost my life.

When I first met my ex-partner in 2009 I should have gone with my gut feeling as I did not like him at first. I remembered my brother’s words shortly before his passing that I should start dating. I had been divorced for nine years and did not need anyone in my life up until that point when my parents passed away and then my brother.

My ex had heard I had come into a large inheritance and my naivety prevailed as I thought he was in pursuit of me, not my money (I was very naive and stupid), so in January 2010 we started dating.

Everything seemed fine until I heard in February 2010 my brother was involved in a freak accident in Ecuador where he sadly lost his life.

I needed my ex more than ever to help me stay sane. I did start to have feelings for him (I cared for him but was not in love, more like lust) and found when he started to show his true colours approximately four months later after my brother had passed away, whilst we were visiting my family in Poland for a wedding, I should have seen all the warning signs with his vulgarity and disrespect to me and left him there and then, but I didn’t.

On the way back to the UK he was just rude and vulgar but not physically abusive. It would be approximately a year later that he physically attacked me.

This is when my whole world turned truly upside down. I felt I was in the middle of the eye of a tornado where not only did he physically assault me, I then had the authorities putting pressure on me to have him charged. I felt my whole world falling apart and I could not cope with the anguish and the stress.

Similar to what this young woman was going through in the video I tried to defend him and say it was my fault that things got out of hand, so as not to cause further anger or cause a rift between us.

I believed then (not now), that people are not born evil and thought once the dust settled I could reason with him and get him the help and therapy he needed without getting him into trouble with the authorities. That was a stupid naive mistake I made as one can inherit narcissistic traits.

You cannot change a person that does not want to change”.

This did not turn out well or go in my favour when I refused to press charges. I then became a target and was treated like a criminal for harbouring a would-be criminal in the eyes of the law and the authorities turned against me and threatened to take away my child.

I was in the middle of a storm and had no one to turn to. I did not trust anyone and I felt very alone. I was scared how would I cope with being on my own even though it did not dawn on me I was actually alone for nine years prior to meeting my ex, so why did being alone actually matter?

I was obviously not thinking straight. Just like “Gabby” I was afraid to lose the person I hoped to settle down with. It did not matter how many people advised me or how many people tried to keep us apart I had one goal and that was to make amends and start over, forgive and forget.

Needless to say, my ex did get charged by the Police and ended up going on remand for a week in jail but because I refused to give evidence the charges got dropped for lack of them.

I was now an enemy of the state.

Had the Police not got involved in the first place there could have been a totally different outcome and I could have easily been maimed for life or ended up dead. However, after he was released from custody his behaviour only got worse over time.

I was advised to move or go to a women’s shelter which I point blank refused. I thought why should I go on the run, move home and my business because of him. I had a woman’s shelter person insist on making them my friend and again, I did not want anything to do with strangers I just wanted to sort out the mess all by myself.

I ended with a police marker on my property and that if I was ever to call the Police or anyone else called the police, they would have blue lights blazing or so I thought.

It was hard to gain my ex’s trust after that and his anger only festered even more as he blamed me for getting the police involved even though he drew the first sword so to speak. He was in complete denial that he had done anything wrong.

From then on I was the target of verbal abuse on a constant basis and he was careful most of the time that there were no witnesses to his behaviour especially my daughter who he did not trust either as both my daughter and I were two peas from the same pod. However, there were a couple of occasions once on a busy high street where I was walking back from a Garage whilst my daughter was in school where he poured a can of beer over my head on busy high street causing the hairdressers to run out of the shop to comfort me and another time in Poland where he punched me whilst he was driving the car with his elderly aunt in the back. Other than that he did everything when there was no one around.

There were a lot of incidents that stuck in my mind and as I write this article I am still not ready to tell the world what exactly happened and what he did to me.

It is still very mentally painful for me to recall everything and I have tried to suppress my mental wounds and memories knowing in time I will heal. I hope one day to tell my story to help women just like Gabby.

It is more common than people think especially in Poland as an example and by coincidence another wife-beater whose wife I happened to help about two and half years ago in a similar situation to mine only messaged me the other day to help him.

These men are delusional and considering he knows my ex-partner and what he did to me as he listened to the audio recordings I have, you would think considering he too was in a similar situation not so long ago himself, he would not be so naive to think I would help him.

Polish people stick together in communities especially in a foreign land and because English is my native tongue but I am bi-lingual that is why Poles come to me for help.

I told him I was busy for the next few months with work and told him to contact someone else. I have no intention of helping someone that beats women one day and acts like nothing happened the next.

I know none of what has happened to me was my fault. It was my ex’s insecurities that made him the way he was, not to mention that it is part of the culture in rural areas of Poland where the men go to work grafting in fields all day whilst the women are supposed to keep a tidy home, have their dinners ready and oblige to every whim.

Furthermore, the abuse is passed from generation to generation especially considering that some men drink excessively to the point they are paralytic and that is when the demons come out. Although my ex was very much sober when he was physically and mentally abusive towards me and was more subdued when he was drunk, these are the characteristics of a narcissist, a dangerous, psychotic person.

Looking back at my ex, his mother admitted she was physically and mentally abusive to her crippled wheelchair-bound husband when my ex was a toddler. So from a young age growing up, he started to have a hatred towards women and I witnessed how he pushed his elderly mother’s frail body nearly causing her to fall. I also heard his vulgarity towards his own mother who walked out of the room so as not to show him that his words hurt her and that she was crying. He never apologized when she returned just stared at her giving her dirty looks.

The last straw that broke the camel’s back for me was when I decided to put a stop to his abuse once and for all. He dislocated my knee and that was it there was no turning back. I had already collected enough evidence previously and had started to hate him (there is a thin line between love and hate). Any feelings I had for him had long gone.

I then came up with a plan, I could see that he was getting, even more, angrier with me and that there was no reasoning with him so I started to collect evidence and recorded him secretly.

Over time I managed to collect enough evidence that he would be facing jail for a very long time and with this evidence which I presented to him I gave him an ultimatum to leave me alone once and for all and to payback for all the damages otherwise, I would go to the Police. I made multiple copies of the evidence I had and told him should anything ever happen to my daughter or me, the police would go looking for him.

He knows that if he fails to pay me for everything he has broken or tries to come near me he will have the Police knocking on his door.

Yes he caused me harm and I do have memories but I can safely say I was lucky to have got away from him for good.

I have blocked him on all social media and unfriended all his friends, family, and associates. The less he knows about me the better.

Am I still concerned he may carry out his threats, perhaps if I provoked him, that is why I remain to stay civil until I am ready to disassociate myself for good?

Moving is my final goal. My businesses are online with no physical addresses so I have no worries there. There will be a time when I sever all ties with him when I am good and ready.

My circumstances and the threats he made I will not divulge until I am ready to tell the world, hence I have CCTV outside my property, had the locks changed, and am very vigilant.

I do not go out because of my mental and physical health which some of it was caused by my ex.

Recovery.

I have a long road to recovery and where someone asked me the other day am I in a relationship, even though I had told this person previously many months prior about my ex, this individual was oblivious to the fact that my ex has caused considerable mental and physical damage, so why on God’s earth would I ever want to get involved with anyone ever again?

I have in my lifetime witnessed my father slap my mother, my cousin being dragged by her hair by her husband. Have had my own personal experiences and have had been made aware of domestic violence in the Polish Community in the City I live in.

Abuse majority of the time is behind closed doors. People are either too afraid to get help, are too embarrassed, or simply do not know how to end the nightmare they live in.

Some people believe they can change a person (I was one of them), but in reality, you cannot change a person unless they are willing to accept your help and are willing to change.

Sometimes an assault can happen when you least expect it.

If you are in imminent danger try to get away. Sometimes talking calmly and showing you are not afraid can help to defuse the situation and then when you are confident you can leave without getting harmed leave at the first opportunity.

If you are in a situation where this happens often and you have not found the courage to leave or report the crime, secretly record the abusive behaviour. You do not have to have catalouges of episodes, one incident is enough, and then make a secret plan on the first opportunity to leave and not return. Try to have an escape plan. (In my case he was a visitor in my home so it was hard to get him to leave).

I actually did reach out to my dead brother’s girlfriend to hide and she turned her back on me.

Things you should.

  1. At the first opportunity go to the police, especailly if you have children or are in imminent danger.
  2. Prior to fleeing delete all of the abusers friends, family and associates off all social media accounts and block them. (Tell your partner your account was taken down by social media for sharing something that goes against their policies, not that you closed it as that will make the abuser angry).
  3. Give all the people you know nicknames and change their real names to the nicknames on your phone should the abuser insist on going through your phone to see who you phoned last or who had phoned you.
  4. Change your passwords on everything.
  5. Arrange to stay with someone that is not the obvious person on the list your abuser will go and visit.
  6. Let all the people you know in your network, your friends, family they have nicknames and that if they get an unknown call from the abuser to not identify themselves. The only risk is ther abuser may recognise their voice.
  7. Save some money put a few pounds/dollars aside each week so that when you are ready to flee you are able to do so without any monetary difficulty.
  8. Keep all your important documents together, passport, driving licence etc so that you have no worries they will get destroyed by the abuser and you have them to hand in an emergency.
  9. Have a bag packed ready to go. (Make sure your abuser does not clock on what you are up to. Do not make it a suitcase more a like a large handbag, small holdall or backpack)
  10. Be careful who you talk to and trust.
  11. Cover your tracks.
  12. Invest in another phone with another number so that if your abuser uses his acquaintances to phone you it will be more difficult to track you down.
  13. Keep your accounts private on social media and do not accept anyone you do not know as a connection, as your abuser could easily set up a fake account just to trap you or get an unknown friend to spy on you.
  14. Do not be ashamed of your situation, many women and men are going through domestic violent relationships right now as we speak. Tell your neighbours to be aware of loud noises or raised voices.
  15. Do not try to fight or retaliate in a volitile situation, instead try to stay calm and quiet to try and defuse the situation and once the coast is clear and the situation has calmed down make an excuse that you will go up the road to buy a bottle of wine or some beer giving you the opportunity to leave in a safe manner. Say it is a peace offering to start over. Do not try sneaking out as that will relight a smouldering flame.

They say an apple does not fall far from the tree and knowing I had a police marker on my property when a boy threatened my daughter a couple of years later I phoned the police. After 10 minutes of no sounds of sirens in the far distance and no police to my daughter’s rescue, I phoned again and the operator turned around and I quote “we are sitting at the end of your street waiting for you to phone us”. Imagine the seriousness of the call every second mattered so if my daughter and I were in imminent danger I do not believe the police would be in any hurry blasting their sirens to rescue us. Like I said before, I think I am now an enemy of the state because I did not press charges.

Going back to “Brain Laundrie”, this is only my opinion, he is most probably very scared and insecure and I believe and this is something my ex’s mother said to me all those years ago, if I were to press charges and, my ex was going to face jail, he would most probably kill himself and she would blame me. It is a vicious circle that I believe started with her narcissism towards her husband in front of her child who turned out to be a narcissist.

As for the whole “Brian Laundrie” case, I am sitting on the fence just like the rest of the world but if my child had killed their partner or was in serious trouble with the authorities I would try to persuade them to turn themselves in. I certainly would not go on a camping trip as a family and I would try and give all my support to the person’s family of the child that was murdered. There are too many unanswered questions and I do hope they find Brian alive so that this can bring closure to Gabby’s family.

What is the worst that can happen for Brian apart from the freeboard and lodgings he will indefinitely have if he is sent to jail if it was accidental or manslaughter? If on the other hand, it was first-degree murder then that constitutes the death penalty in Florida, but even then I would try to rehabilitate myself and help mentor other people with narcissistic problems before I met my maker.

There is a lot of outcry because of so many other missing persons in the USA and the rest of the world but the focus is on one person to be found preferably alive to be made an example of.

The way I see it, Gabby would not have died in vain and instead become a symbol and sacrifice for women all over the world to get out of abusive relationships before they meet the same fate as Gabby.

Gabby should be made a Saint by the Vatican.

More needs to be done to spread awareness of the dangers of abusive relationships.

“My condolences to Gabby’s family and thoughts and prayers at this most difficult time”.

#domesticviolence #narcissist #narcissism #physicalabuse #mentalabuse #violence #bullying #disrespect #humiliation #gaslighting #controlling #bully #bullying #spitting #hitting #slapping #verbalabuse#vulgarity #intimidating #intimidation