Domestic Violence Narcissist Traits

What is Domestic Violence?

Domestic Violence is not always instantly visible as a person of violent tendencies, they may be a wolf in sheep’s clothing, and he/she may look innocent at first. They may try to reel you in with their charm and charisma. You may think you have struck gold and they will wait until your feelings turn to love, before they strike. They will then have ultimate power over you.

Remember not all that glitters is gold.

Usually, the perpetrator has narcissistic tendencies. This abusive behavior can be physical, but it can also be emotional, verbal, psychological, sexual, or financial abuse. Statistics show, that 1 in 3 women and 1 in 4 men have experienced domestic violence in their lifetime.

Signs of domestic violence in a relationship:

  1. Extreme jealousy, and paranoia, often with accusations of cheating, going to the lengths of stalking.
  2. Embarrassing or shaming you privately and publically.
  3. Controlling who you spend time with or talk to.
  4. Consistently humiliating, belittling, criticizing, and putting you down.
  5. Blaming you for their behavior, (everything is your fault after all (NOT)).
  6. Being in denial, plying down their actions, and making out you are exaggerating.
  7. Controls your finances and gives you little or no money at all.
  8. Physically abuses you by punching, spitting, pulling hair, and pushing you. Damages or destroys your valuables and electronics, Hurts you, or threatens to do physical harm to you or other members of the family.
  9. Tries to turn your children against you with manipulation.
  10. May hurt your children,

Signs from: National Coalition Against Domestic Violence and the DC Coalition Against Domestic Violence

How to Help a Friend or Family Member

When the victim reaches out to you do give them all the support they need. If they just want to talk lend them your ear. Do not give false promises you will phone and then you don’t. Do not try to brush it under the carpet and make it look trivial or avoid talking about it. If a friend or family member is in an abusive relationship, it’s important to know common warning signs and how to help, and it’s important to be a true friend that actually cares. https://disabledentrepreneur.uk/why-people-do-not-care/ . I will give you an example I sent a sensitive email to three people in my close network of family and friends and not one of them although they did acknowledge reading it never once tried to talk or listen. I once reached out to my deceased brother’s partner to give me a safe place and she never contacted me ever to see if I was ok. If I had gone somewhere where I felt secure I would have avoided the beatings I endured while staying in my own home.

Warning signs of domestic violence:

  1. The victim may become more withdrawn and you hardly ever see or talk with them anymore. They may develop social disconnection and fear of leaving their home.
  2. The victim may make excuses about socializing.
  3. The victim may start blocking everyone they know on social media (the abuser usually wants access to the victim’s social media accounts and will control the account.
  4. The victim’s personal hygiene may be affected, where they once cared about how they looked, they now do not care.
  5. The victim’s home may become uncared for and unclean.
  6. The victim will develop mental health issues, such as depression, anxiety, PTSD, grief, and OCD.
  7. The victim may still be in contact with their partner even when they are not together. For the victim, there could be a glimmer of hope that the abuser may turn over a new leaf but in reality, this will never happen.
  8. Their partner controls many of their actions including finances, or how long the victim can be out of the house or on the phone.
  9. The abuser makes fun of the victim and embarrasses them in front of you.
  10. The victim may make excuses to you and defend the abuser saying that it was really their fault that things escalated. (It is never the victim’s fault and they are kidding themselves if they say it is).

How to help:

  • Offer help but keep your distance. You do not want the victim to clam up.
  • Offer your ear and listen without being judgmental.
  • Do not give your opinion. Unless you are a professional expert in the field of domestic violence, your opinions are not of consequence. Don’t say things like “If I were you, I’d leave!” or “I wouldn’t put up with that behavior.” This could cause your friend or family member to withdraw or not see you as someone who can help. Instead, listen and become someone they confide in.
  • Do not judge or degrade the abuser. This can often backfire and the victim may become defensive. After all, you do not know the whole story or the abuser for that matter so who are you to judge?
  • Do not blame the victim for not leaving, in some cases, the abuser could be an unwanted guest in the victim’s home. the relationship. It is sometimes more complicated to leave all your belongings behind to flee to safety.
  • Do let the victim know you are concerned for their safety and you will be there no matter what, regardless of what time of day or night it is or what you’re doing. If the victim is in danger then it is an emergency and you have to drop everything and take action, whether it is phoning the police or rescuing the victim and taking them to a safe place.
  • Connect the victim with local resources who will be able to provide support.

Children Trapped In The Middle of An Abusive Relationship With Their Parents.

Domestic violence, research has shown that children who have witnessed domestic violence have the same life-long mental health effects as if they had experienced the abuse directly. UNICEF reports that over 275 million children worldwide have witnessed domestic violence.

Children who have witnessed domestic violence often experience long-term physical and psychological effects. Research has found they have 40% lower reading levels. They are at increased risk for PTSD, anxiety, and depression. Children who witness domestic violence are also at risk for physiological effects later in life, such as obesity, heart disease, and diabetes. Dr. Nadine Burke Harris, the Surgeon General of California, discusses this link between childhood trauma and toxic stress and the ongoing physical effects in her book The Deepest Well: Healing the Long-Term Effects of Childhood Adversity and says even sleeping infants can experience negative psychological effects of being in prolonged toxic stressful situations.

How can a child recover from experiencing or witnessing domestic violence?

  • Help children feel safe, give them 100% of your attention and make them feel special.
  • Talk with your children and teach them the abuse is wrong it was not their fault or yours, and that what they experienced or witnessed was the fault of a very unwell person that may need help.
  • Have children talk about what happened with a trusted adult and a professional therapist.

Further Reading

Hidden Hurt – Domestic Abuse Information, based in the UK

Male Victims of Domestic Violence

If you or anyone has been affected by Domestic Violence and wants someone to talk to just drop us a message using the form below. If you do not want to give your real name, that’s OK too, we do not ask questions we are just here to listen.

#domesticviolence #domesticabuse #mentalabuse #physicalabuse #sexualabuse

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