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Category: Life Coaching

Creating a Holistic Program

August 22, 2023 / EDITOR / 0 Comments

Creating a Holistic Program

Creating a holistic program requires understanding and addressing various aspects of an individual’s well-being, including physical, mental, emotional, and social dimensions. Here’s a comprehensive holistic program outline:

1. Physical Well-being:

  • Nutrition: Provide guidance on balanced and nutritious eating, meal planning, portion control, and hydration.
  • Exercise: Design a fitness plan that includes cardiovascular, strength training, flexibility, and balance exercises.
  • Sleep: Educate on the importance of quality sleep, establishing a sleep routine, and improving sleep hygiene.

2. Mental Well-being:

  • Mindfulness and Meditation: Teach techniques to manage stress, improve focus, and cultivate self-awareness.
  • Cognitive Activities: Include puzzles, brain games, and activities that challenge mental agility.
  • Stress Management: Offer strategies to cope with stress, such as deep breathing, progressive muscle relaxation, and time management.

3. Emotional Well-being:

  • Emotional Awareness: Encourage recognizing and understanding emotions, promoting emotional intelligence.
  • Journaling: Suggest keeping a journal to express feelings, track progress, and reflect on personal growth.
  • Therapeutic Activities: Recommend engaging in hobbies, arts, or crafts that provide emotional release and satisfaction.

4. Social Well-being:

  • Community Engagement: Encourage participation in social groups, clubs, or volunteering to foster a sense of belonging.
  • Communication Skills: Offer guidance on effective communication and active listening in personal and professional relationships.
  • Boundaries: Teach setting healthy boundaries to maintain positive relationships and prevent burnout.

5. Spiritual Well-being:

  • Self-Reflection: Guide individuals in exploring their values, beliefs, and purpose in life.
  • Meditative Practices: Introduce practices like yoga, Tai Chi, or nature walks for spiritual connection and inner peace.
  • Cultivate Gratitude: Promote gratitude practices to enhance overall well-being and positivity.

6. Environmental Well-being:

  • Nature Connection: Advocate spending time outdoors to benefit from nature’s calming and rejuvenating effects.
  • Sustainability: Educate on eco-friendly habits to promote a healthier environment and personal well-being.

7. Intellectual Well-being:

  • Lifelong Learning: Encourage continuous education, reading, attending lectures, and exploring new topics of interest.
  • Skill Development: Support the acquisition of new skills, both personally and professionally.

8. Financial Well-being:

  • Financial Literacy: Provide information on budgeting, saving, investing, and managing debt.
  • Goal Setting: Assist in setting financial goals and creating a plan to achieve them.

Remember, a holistic program should be tailored to individual needs and preferences. Regular assessment and adjustments are crucial to ensure the program remains effective and aligned with the person’s evolving well-being journey. It’s also recommended to involve qualified professionals, such as nutritionists, fitness trainers, therapists, and counselors, when necessary.

Contact Us Today If You Would Like To Start A Life Coach / Holistic Business!

#lifecoach #lifecoaching #uklifecoach #uklifecoaching #holistic #holisticbusiness

Cost Of Living And The Impact On Struggling Low Income Families & Entrepreneurs.

May 18, 2022 / EDITOR / 1 Comment
DISABILITY UK – DISABLED ENTREPRENEUR

Cost of Living And The Impact On Struggling Low-Income Families & Entrepreneurs.

Content:

  • In The News.
  • Average UK Salary & Overheads.
  • Self Employed On A Low Income.
  • Reasons Why Rachel Mclean Minister Does Not Have A Clue.
  • Mental Health & Low-Income Families.
  • Mental Health.
  • Suicide Due to Cost Of Living.
  • The Government, Brexit, Deficit Spending and Debt Ceiling.
  • The Hidden Secrets Of Money – Mike Maloney.
  • Financial Difficulty.
  • Useful Links.
  • Final Thoughts From The Editor.
  • About The Author.
  • Possible Solutions – Start A Business.
  • Start A Second Income – Start a Business.
  • Disability Support.
Keep your business moving forward

In The News.

According to Rachel Mclean Minister stated people struggling with bills should ‘work more hours or move to better-paid job’.

Ms. Maclean said: “Over the long term we need to have a plan to grow the economy and make sure that people are able to protect themselves better – whether that is by taking on more hours or moving to a better-paid job and these are long-term actions but that’s what we’re focused on as a government.”

https://inews.co.uk/news/ost-of-living-minister-rachel-maclean-struggling-bills-work-more-hours-better-paid-job-1631987

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-hereford-worcester-61478541

Firstly not all employers have the budgets to give extra hours.

Secondly, if it was so easy to get a job everyone would be doing it and we would not have so many people unemployed.

Thirdly the average salary for the average U.K. full-time worker as reported by the ONS equates to £31,772 over the year. However this may be an average yet there are many jobs that pay the National Minimum Wage based on 40 hours working week at the national minimum wage of for example £9.18, which equates to £17,625 before tax and NI.

https://www.ons.gov.uk/employmentandlabourmarket/peopleinwork/earningsandworkinghours

23 and over21 to 2218 to 20Under 18Apprentice
April 2022£9.50£9.18£6.83£4.81£4.81
National Minimum Wage.

AVERAGE UK SALARY & OVERHEADS


🏠Rent/mortgage payment – £1,060

⚡️The average energy bill in 2021 was £95 per month but, based on our average family using an average amount of energy, this will rise to £153 per month.

📈Council tax payment – £189

💧 £56 for water.

💻Broadband inc television and landline average £80 per month.

📱Phone bills are £45.00 per month each.

🚝 Average commute would cost them £288 per month.

👨‍👩‍👧‍👦 Childcare costs have risen to £1303 with one child in nursery full time and the other in breakfast club.

🥘Feeding the family costs on average £424 a month.

Total Overheads: £3,598 x 12 month = £43,176.

Credit: Claire Wilson Recruitment and Careers Qualified Journalist | Early careers expert at Prospects, the UK’s No 1 graduate careers website|

SELF EMPLOYED ON A LOW INCOME:

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The Self Employed With a Handful of Jobs With Zero Profit:

Incomings (Excluding Business Overheads) Per Month:

£00.00 Business Profit

£590 Housing Benefit

£400 Working Tax Credits

£240 Personal Independence Payment

Total £1230

Outgoings Per Month:

£655 Rent

£262 Utility Bills (Water. Gas Elec)

£80 Telephone & Broadband (Without Broadband I cannot work)

£200 Food

£91 Insurance

Total Per Month £1288 (Do The Maths).

Reasons Why Rachel Mclean Minister Does Not Have A Clue:

  • Getting another job may be in breach of the contract of the current employer.
  • Tax Implications.
  • The unemployed who cannot find work (so how is someone in employment going to find work so easily?
  • People with disabilities who cannot work? How are they supposed to live?
  • Disabled People in Employment? Disabled people find it more difficult to get work because even though we are supposed to live in a non-discrimination society, a person for example with OCD who has to wear latex gloves to touch things won’t be hired to represent a brand on a high street shop or may feel uncomfortable working in an office environment being the odd one out. Ask yourself this question how many people do you see working who have wheelchairs? Businesses with no wheelchair access are not going to go out of their way to build ramps and fit disability equipment unless that person they were hiring was worth more than his/her weight in gold.
  • Self Employed on low incomes as they struggle to get more business?
  • People with children, so are you supposed to get a second job so that you can pay for childcare to look after your kids whilst you are at work? (getting a stranger to bring your child up, I have never got my head around this unless you earn a lot of money and your career is very important to you).
  • Not all households have two incomes some people live on their own and only have one income.

Mental Health and Low-Income Families.

This affecting people’s mental health with the Governments and the Banks playing God with your prosperity? Lee Anderson, Conservative MP for Ashfield, said in the House of Commons that meals could be cooked for as little as 30p a day. (You can’t even buy ramen noodles for 30p) I suppose if you had eggs and toast or jam sandwiches every day that may bring the shopping bill down, but who wants to eat toast and eggs every day?

Let’s be hypothetical here:

2 Dozen Eggs: £4.00

2 Loaves of Bread £2.40

Butter or Spread £2.00

Total Price of Groceries: £8.40 divided by 7 days = £1.20 a day

I suppose if you ate one egg a day (after all we can’t be greedy) it would bring the cost down by £2.00 which would mean your daily food bill would be 91p per day.

I am sure health professionals would be falling over themselves saying how unhealthy this would be.

But who on earth wants to live like this? This affects a person’s quality of life never mind their mental state. It’s humiliating and downright cruel. No one should be made to starve to fit in with the Government agenda.

The government needs to get its house in order before palming off its problems on the public.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-nottinghamshire-61429268

https://www.theguardian.com/business/2022/may/16/cost-of-living-crisis-immediate-support-from-sunak-a-moral-imperative-cbi

Mental Health

The cost of living crisis is affecting the nation’s mental health and the already vulnerable mind.

Sarb Bajwa, CEO of the BPS (The British Psychology Society) said:

“The absence of measures to support the most vulnerable is glaring, and many families will be swept into poverty over the coming months, as they struggle to pay their bills and put food on the table. The mental health impacts of this are severe – we know that the stress of raising a family in poverty can have huge ramifications on parents’ and children’s mental health and that poverty is one of the major risk factors for the development of mental and physical health problems“.

https://www.bps.org.uk/news-and-policy/bps-responds-spring-statement-warning-escalating-cost-living-crisis-will-have-long

Suicide Due To Cost Of Living.

A Sheffield Labour MP said some people in his constituency have attempted suicide in response to the rising cost of living. Paul Blomfield, MP for Sheffield Central, said: “I spent yesterday morning at a crisis meeting in a part of my constituency where incomes are lowest. And we were looking at the way in which the cost-of-living crisis we’re facing was impacting people”.

https://www.thestar.co.uk/news/politics/people-in-sheffield-attempting-suicide-over-cost-of-living-crisis-says-city-mp-3698164

Approximately 75% of suicides occur in low- and middle-income countries (LMICs) where rates of poverty are high.

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5454768/

The Government, Brexit, Debt Ceiling & Deficit Spending.

Debt Ceiling

The debt ceiling is the maximum amount that the U.S. government can borrow by issuing bonds. When the debt ceiling is reached, the Treasury Department must find other ways to pay expenses. Otherwise, there is a risk the U.S. will default on its debt.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/United_States_debt_ceiling

Deficit Spending

Deficit spending occurs when purchases exceed income. It happens to individuals and businesses, but it usually refers to governments.

https://www.thebalance.com/deficit-spending-causes-why-it-s-out-of-control-3306289

Brexit

In other words, because the UK left the EU, the Brexit Divorce Bill in July 2021, was estimated at £40.8bn but Downing Street insisted the figure was between £35bn and £39bn. https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/51110096 we now have a crisis on our hands. The Government needs to find the money to pay the EU. Goods and services are now subject to tariffs, increasing the cost of raw materials into Britain and finished products out.

https://corporatefinanceinstitute.com/resources/knowledge/economics/brexit/

Therefore who is paying for this if not the British Public?

You would not allow the public to make decisions about what goes on in your business especially if they had no clue about accounting and budgets?

The same should be said how can you allow a country to vote if they have no clue about economics and have not got an ounce of politics in their body?

If I was in power I would make everyone do an IQ Test and the ones that scored higher could only vote.

https://www.mensa.org/public/mensa-iq-challenge

You allow uneducated people to vote just so you can win the game of numbers and now look at the state of the country which is now left in turmoil.

The Hidden Secrets of Money – Mike Maloney

Hidden Secrets of Money – Mike Maloney.

Financial Difficulty

Depending on your location Country/Town/City there may be emergency grants available. For Cardiff for example if are experiencing severe financial hardship you may wish to make a claim to the Discretionary Assistance Fund (DAF) Discretionary Assistance Fund (DAF) | GOV.WALES

Financial Difficulty Part (1)

Useful Links

USEFUL LINKS

Final Thoughts From The Editor.

The governments have overspent and people and businesses too. So what does that mean in the long run for the British Public? For starters, the cost of living has to be increased to pay back the debts that have accumulated and forces people to borrow even more money. For every pound/dollar borrowed you have to pay interest which is fiat currency to the banks and that is how the monetary system revolves.

If the Government and Politicians are so quick to give advice why don’t they swap places with people living on the poverty line, if one is born with silver spoons in their mouths they will never grasp how the other half lives and it is easy to dish out advice if you have never experienced life, where you have to worry where your next meal is going to come from.

It is easy to pass judgment whilst hosting wine and cheese parties and decorating walls with gold wallpaper at a cost of £840 per roll?

It’s easy to say find a job when businesses are not hiring and do not want to spend.

All businesses are tightening their reigns on their spending, so the chances of a pay rise or an increase in hours are going to be slim.

What happened to all the money that was confiscated from the Oligarchs and all their assets? (is it all just smoke and mirrors simply to confuse everyone so that they do not find out what is really going on?). Why can’t the assets be sold off to pay off the national debt?

  • Why are the owners at the Federal Reserve getting a 6% commission, why can’t they reduce their cut to 1%; and the rest of the money sent back into the system? (It’s not as if they can take all the money with them when they die).
  • Why are they hoarding this wealth?
  • Why can’t the Millionaires, Billionaires have a wage cap on how much they own, and the rest gets put back to help pay off the national debt.
  • Why do low-income families have to be punished at the expense of the privileged and wealthy politicians?
  • Why can’t we all live in harmony and stop being so God Damm Greedy?
  • What about the people that are disabled are they just thrown to the dogs?
  • Why are people suffering to the point it affects their mental health?
  • How many people have to die at the expense of the powers that be?
  • People who have got themselves into debt due to price hikes of utility bills should have the debt spread over a term of 3-5 years.
  • Utility companies should not make people feel like 💩 and be belittling and humiliating.
  • Creditors should not hound the vulnerable, by phoning or texting several times a day (it is called harassment). If a person has admitted hardship the creditor should put a halt on payments overdue and even come to some arrangement to pay back in affordable monthly payments rather than making a person feel emotionally and mentally unwell. (£40 x 60 months = £2,400) It is better to get something back than nothing at all. The same goes with Utility companies do not force people into corners as you never know what they might do.

About The Author.

  • I am an advocate for mental health and poverty. I write about Disabilities, Business, Politics, and Finance.
  • I have Disabilities.
  • I write in my Online Journals where I share my articles with my network of nearly 11K connections on LinkedIn and on Social Media Platforms, Groups, and Pages.

If I can help just one person, I know I am making a difference one step at a time.

The more people stand up and express their dissatisfaction with how they are being treated eventually something will change.

Possible Solutions – Start a Business.

The Governments instead of throwing spanners in the work with their lame solutions; instead they should encourage people to set up their own businesses and start a second income. Anyone and everyone can start a business and the possibilities are endless.

I can help you start up a second income and offer free advice and support.

domain names IONOS - Official Partner Keep your business moving forward Generate Instant Publicity! 24-7PressRelease.com
Create a Second Income 2022.

Disability Support.

The other thing that has been brought to my attention is how cost-cutting the government is with benefits, robbing Peter to pay Paul so to speak, by taking away simple necessities from the already high risk and vulnerable people to pay for their spending on Wars and their own agendas, they are doing the classic “Daniel Blake” scenario.

My daughter has MS (Multiple Sclerosis) and has a Cardiff Bus Concessionary Travel Card, have now said she will not renew her card even though she already was awarded the card; unless she gets the new updated PIP award letter that is still being processed. She has been given a deadline to produce the letter within the next eight weeks which PIP have said they will not be able to do. If people have a long-term illness they should not be expected to jump through hoops to prove they are ill. They should have evidence from health care professionals and should not be expected to perform like performing seals.

As it happens my daughter is going to have treatment again in the next few weeks because she has relapsed and her MRI scan showed new lesions. The powers that be should not be adding more stress to people who are ill that have corroborating evidence.

https://www.theguardian.com/film/2016/sep/11/i-daniel-blake-ken-loach-director-film-movie-benefits-system

https://www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/real-life-daniel-blake-who-11881128

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/I,_Daniel_Blake

If you found this article interesting and useful please take the time to share it with your friends, families, and colleagues. Don’t forget to use the links throughout this article and last but not least please consider buying me a cup of coffee. Some of the National newspapers are using paywalls which is annoying so we will continue providing free content, without forcing people to subscribe to read the full articles.

Donation

#costofliving #mentalhealth #disabilities #finiancialdifficulty #pricehikes #poverty #brexit #deficitspending #debtceiling #nationaldebt #suicideduetocostofliving

Renata’s Online Journal 11/05/22

May 12, 2022 / EDITOR / 0 Comments

Renata’s Online Journal.

My Online Journal is my safe space where I can share my stories and vent. I do not always write negatively but of late I have noticed blue-chip corporations treating people badly so not only is this my online therapy it also is a voice for people who cannot or do not know how to stand up for themselves.

Dear Diary,

I have not made an entry here for a while and yesterday was the ideal time to do some journaling and spill the beans.

The morning started out with me phoning all my insurance providers as I had deleted some direct debits in error. I suffer from cognitive impairment caused by cerebellum atrophy and sometimes muddle my words up. The words can be very overwhelming for me at times. Being stressed does not help and where I should have canceled one insurance policy, I actually canceled three. As it turns out the other two direct debits were obsolete, but still having to phone all nine companies was challenging.

The other problem I have is dreading talking over the phone so when I tried to rectify the problem via email I was point-blank declined and was told to call. The calling is not so bad but it listening to the prompts Press #1 for what you had for breakfast Press #2 for what you had for lunch and #Press #3 just to annoy you more (just kidding) although I have been subjected to up to 4 minutes of this from various companies before the annoying music starts playing. God forbid if your call drops and you have to start all the BS all over again.

Insurers do not make it easy, so although you may take out insurance by a said insurer the underwriters a separate company collect payment. So there could be the same underwriter for multiple insurers which can make it difficult when trying to find out who is who. I have done a spreadsheet so that I do not get caught out again, but by the 9th insurer I had enough, yet my day was only starting.

I then got an email from British Gas that they needed me to phone them to set up a direct debit. I have anxiety about talking over the phone to people. The term used is Telephobia, but I bit the bullet and phoned them. I got to speak to someone who at first came across as slightly condescending when she thought I was unemployed with mental disabilities, (people confuse mental disabilities with stupidity on the contrary Albert Einstien, Nikola Tesla, and Charles Darwin to name a few all had mental disabilities (OCD – Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) ) so it was a shock to her when I mentioned this site. She then changed her tune and was more understanding and helpful going as far as giving me some links and recommending that I contact some of the links she had provided.

What rattled me was, that I was paying £65 at the beginning of the year then it went up to £90, and yesterday she wanted £138 per month. I was told I use more gas than the average household. The way I see it regardless if I did not use any gas at all, I still would have to pay for the service. I am not going to reduce the quality of my life and sit at home freezing cold. or only cook once a week. If a person is struggling to pay £90 then how the hell are they supposed to find the money to pay £138?

“A little bit of maths and common sense would not go a miss“.

“What are people supposed to do, do they have to rob banks or starve”?

Our PM is allegedly dragging his heels at helping the UK with the rise in the cost of living yet he is quick to give support to Sweden and Finland. Yet coming from a privileged upbringing he has never had any worries about where his next paycheck is going to come from or about putting food on the table. Living in a home that was decorated from private donations and wallpaper at £840 per roll he will never understand how the other half lives. His wallpaper is ugly just saying and I would not pay £1 per roll let alone £840.

https://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/politics/boris-johnson-wallpaper-flat-refurb-b1850209.html

Someone on LinkedIn commented “that charity starts a home”, but what she failed to comprehend was the support in the event of a military attack on these countries will be money in BJs / Chancellor of the Exchequers Pockets so to speak. W#ar is big business at the expense of the people. How do you accumulate wealth if you do not lend money or charge interest on the money you lend out? This is how the money system works. If you lone out jets, sell ballistic and nuclear missiles you have to get paid and it’s one big game of the winner takes it all.

I do not support the funding of the lavish lifestyles of the 1% that think they own us and rob us blind. I never agreed to slave away, did you?

No one owns me. I have a voice and I am not afraid to use it!

I am a spiritual being in a physical body and we are here for a reason and it is to teach others, empower and motivate and not steal, abuse, or kill, we are supposed to be intelligent human beings, not animals.

We should be able to distinguish right from wrong and if the likes of P#tin who orders the mass killings then he is no better than something that has just crawled out of a sewer. These people are vermin.

In fact, any person in power that has done wrong should be punished the same way as a member of the public and should also be kicked out of office, I refer to certain politicians, that got a slap on the wrist and fines, for their publicized antics.

There is a Scottish MP trending at the moment that allegedly had £25 Million in Funding For PPE that supposedly ended up being used due to it not being of high quality and was returned. This MP is now being investigated.

Just imagine if this was the average entrepreneur that had done this, they would be facing a custodial sentence for fraud, but I guess if you own 6 houses (one in Belgravia in London) you have enough money to pay for a jail-free card on the monopoly board.

I spoke about a previous post about why people do not care and the customer representative said that people do care and that she cared (no they don’t unless it directly affects them). She then asked if could she help me with anything else and I said “Help me bring in more clients”, the call then ended without any feedback on my remark…I rest my case!

Reference the money she expected me to agree to I said I will pay, but will not be able to eat and the CEO of British Gas would certainly not have a problem bringing food to the table whilst I will and this is where she started to be sympathetic.

Frustration

I got my frustration out, if nothing else, and told her she was professional and had a calming voice, I just did not mention the fact she made me feel bad at the beginning of the conversation as what would have been the point. I felt had I not mentioned I am self-employed the conversation would have been slightly different.

If you have watched the video “The Hidden Secrets Of Money” By Mike Maloney”, you will start to realize this is one big game of monopoly with the Blue Chip Companies at the top of the food chain STEALING our prosperity.

“The is a Great Reset Looming on the Horizon”.

Do you think it is by chance this P#tin W#ar has broken out or is it something to do with the deficit spending and all the price rises? Have you forgotten about Brexit and how much money the UK is in debt by and how much money they have to pay back, never mind the trade w#ar in China and the USA? Putting the jigsaw pieces together can you not see a picture emerging?

These blue-chip companies get a 6% commission for our sweat, labor, and hardship. Do you think that the dictator started the w#ar himself or was it pre-arranged at the round table, by a selected few?

People at the top of the food chain seem to think they own and control you and in a way they do.

An example of a battery in the matrix was Virgin Media which I have for months had an ongoing dispute again I have communicated by email and have told them not to phone me and what do they do? they only phone even though I specifically requested not to. What was interesting though my phone was on “do not disturb” but they managed to get through and the phone rang. I re-iterated how much emotional distress they put me through and I am still no closer to a resolution as the email I was promised I would have, never materialized.

So you can imagine the poor sod on the other end of the line receiving my wrath and me saying “if you read my email do you not understand English”, his reply was he was ordered by someone above him to phone me and my final reply was that he obviously did not have the balls to stand up to the person. Most people are afraid of speaking up in the workplace for fear of being fired. People go to work like sheep to get their paychecks the majority do not go to work because they love the company that employs them they are solely there to do a job and get paid. They are human robots being told what to do. Their “VOICE” in the metaphorical sense of the word is taken away, they are slaves to the employer for the hours they work.

Anxiety & Panic Attack.

The day continued with my brother telling me that he is coming over to the UK at Christmas. Under normal circumstances, I should be ecstatic but I am having a panic attack simply thinking about it.

I have not left my home for three years due to social disconnection and OCD, actually, tell a lie I went out once to meet him last year for the day and I felt so ill after that but he was oblivious to my disability. He told me that I have to arrange my schedule and my work around him. He told me we will be talking this weekend coming.

Notice how my disability and my work are of no significance to him and I have to just get over myself.

The icing on the cake was the final straw that broke the camel’s back so to speak with my neighbor announcing she is moving within the month. she without a doubt had to be the nicest neighbor I have ever had, she was always kind, and caring and never did me wrong. I will miss her.

I do believe nothing standstills and when one door closes another one opens so although I felt very depressed yesterday with low self-esteem. That was yesterday though and your mood can change if you stay occupied and not dwell on what is bothering you. I am hopeful about tomorrow and about brighter things to come. I am fortunate I have an online journal to vent my anger which I can share with whoever wants to read my challenges. I did come across a website called (www.storiboard.co.uk) not mine may I add but a portal to share your stories.

Telling Your Story.

Anyone reading this who wants a platform to share their stories is more than welcome to subscribe here and I will make you a contributor or will manually upload your stories for you. It won’t cost you a penny only your time, it is completely free.

Domestic Violence.

I have gone through a lot over the last two decades (I won’t go into it all here but I am a ‘survivor of domestic violence‘ and this is what drives me to tell my story) I won’t say I am strong all the time. I have good days and bad days and yesterday was a bad day for me but I know I will get over it. I am still standing and I won’t let anyone break me, sure they can try but when they knock me down and I get back up again so help me God.

I will be writing my biography soon and I will be calling out all the people that have done me wrong. Don’t misunderstand me, I am not awkward or vengeful, I just think some people deserve their five minutes of fame.

Superiority.

No one on this planet is better than you, we all do the same things, we eat, sleep, and go to the bathroom, and we all cannot survive without water or air. We all have red blood and if Adam and Eve were the first people, then their children would have been inbred so we are all brothers and sisters. The world is an evil place with evil people living in it trying to suck the last ounce of happiness out of you. They should be very worried about what happens to them after they die. Just because some use 24kt Gold WCs does not make them any better than you. We all have the right to live on this planet in harmony and without having to worry about where the next paycheck is going to come from and if we can put food on the table. No one should fear for their lives or be killed for some political agenda. No one should lose their life for the sake of debt ceilings and deficit spending.

Invisible Disability.

I have an invisible disability and I expect to be acknowledged as a human being and not be judged, I expect people to give me the respect I deserve. I do not need anyone giving me advice, or being patronizing, after all when it comes to mental health I specialize in the subject hence why I built this site.

Never assume anything with me without asking me first.

I know if my finances improved so would my mental health. My cerebellum atrophy is incurable but with new drugs coming on the market, anything is possible. I am staying positive; hopefully, someone reading this will invest in me.

One day soon you will learn what one particular “evil animal” did to me and how I am recovering.

I have audio recordings of all the death threats he made to me.

He is no longer residing in the UK, he left last December for Germany however within a month of him starting work he was fired due to an altercation with a woman at his place of work, why does that not surprise me?

Unfortunately, because he does not speak fluent English he was unable to set up an email address so I did it for him and forwarded all his emails to me for translation purposes with his consent, however, I have no access to his settings anymore, and cannot un-forward myself hence I get his emails and all the antics he is getting up to.

I use Outlook and have blocked his email but people sending emails to him still come into my inbox. I have started marking them as spam as I have no other way of stopping any communication.

Remember not all that glitters is gold and that was my mistake and I have learned the hard way.

One day I will rise from the ashes and tell my full story.

Staying Positive.

Tomorrow is another day and I aim for a brighter future!

If you found this article insightful, please take a moment to share, comment, and subscribe. Also before you go, please also consider donating the equivalent of a cup of coffee to help keep this “Disability UK” Online Journal going.

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#anxiety #stress #depression #lowselfesteem #mentalhealth #mentalhealthdisabilities #Centrica #JanaSiber

Blue Butterfly

Wendy Kier Trauma Recovery Method™

May 5, 2022 / EDITOR / 0 Comments

WENDY KIER

Wendy Kier Trauma Recovery Method™

2nd-degree connection 2nd No1. Amazon Best-Seller Breaking the Trauma Cycle | TRAUMA RECOVERY MENTORING TRAINING FOR BUSINESS OWNERS & ORGANIZATIONS | Professional Speaker Talks about trauma, mentoring, trauma recovery, stress management, men’s mental health, and women’s mental health.

Wendy is located in Brighton, England, United Kingdom

You can follow Wendy on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/wendykier/

Wendy is launching a new book.

Book Launch Team

She also has available on Amazon:

#traumamentoring #traumarecovery #stressmanagment #mensmentalhealth #womensmentialhealth

Change Your Attitude With Gratitude 2022

December 31, 2021 / EDITOR / 1 Comment

Change Your Attitude with Gratitude New Years Resolution 2022.

Whenever we celebrate a New Year we mark it with New Years Resolutions. We celebrate out with the old in and with the new, we say to ourselves we will go on a diet, lose weight, eat healthier, hit the gym, or quit smoking. We aim to do all the wonderful things we dream of, but it is so often the case our resolutions fall through after a month or two because half the time we lack willpower and motivation, we do not have it embedded in our subconscious minds that what we want we can manifest. Essentially we need to brainwash ourselves to believe we can do anything and have anything we desire.

Practicing Daily Gratitude

10 Ways to Practice Daily Gratitude 

One of the most powerful ways to rewire your brain is to re-wire your thoughts. Having a positive attitude will bring more positivity and abundance into your life. Being constantly worried and having negative thoughts will only bring on more stress and worry. Therefore in order to change your attitude to life be grateful for what you already have and be positive that more great things will come to you providing you change your way of thinking.

  1. One of the things I love doing is writing and although I have a physical journal I also write my thoughts on my online journal. By keeping a Gratitude Journal one can write our thoughts, dreams and desires with a daily routine in which we can remind ourselves of the gifts, grace, benefits, and good things we enjoy. Remembering moments of gratitude associated with events past and present, your personal attributes, or people you admire gives you the potential to interweave a sustainable life of gratefulness.
  2. Write down at least 10 things you are truly grateful for and on the next page write down in the present tense as if you have already manifested it what you are grateful what has come into your life, rather than what is coming.
  3. Spending 5 minutes in the morning and 5 minutes before you fall asleep to visualise your aspirations will help to hypnotise yourself and change your subconcious mind. Brainwash yourself before the world brainwashes you. Find a quite relaxing place where you can meditate and relax and focus on what you truly desire.
  4. Research and learn from motivation speakers who mention about the law of Attraction and The Secret. (Bob Proctor, Jake Ducey etc). Watch the film “The Secret”.
  5. When ever you hear someone talk praise them for their achievements. Share Your Gratitude with Others. Research has found that expressing gratitude can help strengthen relationships and bring us closer together. People are more inclined to warm to you if you express gratitude and pat them on their back. The next time you see a female compliment them. The next time your partner, friend or family member does something you appreciate, be sure to let tell them how proud you are of them.
  6. Remove all negitivity in your life, this means anything that reminds you of something bad that has happened in your life to halting all contact with any negative person that does not praise you, does not encourage you or only has snide remarks to say about you. If they are judgemental as in my case someone in my inner circle that thinks she is better than me because she lives in a new build mortgaged house whislt I live in Grade A Listed rented appartment that is falling apart. What she does not realise my digital assets are worth more than her house will ever be. But I have shown gratitude to her children.
  7. Always have either flash cards that you carry in your pocket, purse or handbag. Have your reminders on the homescreen of your phone and also on your desktop. Have a vision board of what you want to achieve, so it is staring you in the face. Stick your reminders on refridgerators. . Use visual reminders because the two primary obstacles to gratefulness are forgetfulness and a lack of mindful awareness, visual reminders serve as cues to trigger thoughts of gratitude.
  8. Be consistant and do it daily. I usually stick a video on youtube or listen to some hypnotherapy audios. Research shows that changing our thought patterns to perform a behavior increases the likelihood that the action will be executed. Set an alarm everyday to promt you to execute your meditation.
  9. Be kind and mindful of others. If you disagree with someone do not fuel the fire with your negativity. The best practice is to be kind, patient and understanding. Be grateful for what others have done for you.
  10. Gratefulness includes smiling, using etiquette, saying thank you, when someone does or says something that is kind and thoughtful, writing letters of gratitude, including emails. By being consistently grateful, you will trigger the emotion of gratitude instantaneously and have it embedded in your subconsious mind.

What I am grateful for.

I have listed below the things I am most grateful for, you could personalize it to suit your own circumstances.

  1. I am grafeful I have roof over my head.
  2. I am grateful I have food to eat.
  3. I am a grateful I have drinking flowing water.
  4. I am grateful I have hot running water.
  5. I am grateful my home is warm.
  6. I am grateful I can pay my bills.
  7. I am grateful I have internet and a good connection.
  8. I am grateful money comes in on a regular basis.
  9. I am grateful I own digital assets (digital real estate).
  10. I am grateful I am creative.
  11. I am grateful I have a good imagination.
  12. I am grateful I am an entrepreneur.
  13. I am grateful I can write and have a platform to write on.
  14. I am grateful people find my writing inspiring and motivational.
  15. I am grateful people find that I have a wealth of knowledge and can help them.
  16. I am grateful I am a publish author.
  17. I am grateful my books are selling.
  18. I am grateful I have wisdom.
  19. I am grateful I have clients.
  20. I am grateful I have a beautiful, intelligent daughter.
  21. I am grateful I have my own websites.
  22. I am grateful I am driving traffic to my websites.
  23. I am grateful I can offer many services.
  24. I am grateful people are buying my services.
  25. I am grateful my domain names are being sold.
  26. I am grateful I can help generate traffic and leads.
  27. I am grateful that I can keep my prices low and be competitive in the industry I am in.
  28. I am grateful I have the ability to teach people and mentor them.
  29. I am grateful I am getting regular subscribers and am expanding my network of connections and followers.
  30. I am grateful most of my websites are on the first page of Google.
  31. I am grateful that the websites which are not on the first page of Google will be soon.
  32. I am grateful I am multi-talented and can re-invent myself.
  33. I am grateful I have learned about hypnotherapy.
  34. I am grateful that I have enough knowledge and content to write a book about neuroplasticity and empowering the disabled entrepreneurial mind.
  35. I am grateful I am self-healing and starting to heal my emotional wounds.
  36. I am grateful people trust and believe in me.
  37. I am grateful 2022 will be a prosperous year for me.
  38. I am happy and grateful I am a spiritual multi-millionaire.

Further Reading.

Jake Ducey Hypnotherapy Audio and Videos can you accessed here.

https://disabledentrepreneur.uk/category/self-hypnosis/

https://www.mindful.org/an-introduction-to-mindful-gratitude/

If you found this article helpful, please take a moment to comment, share and subscribe.

Wishing all my readers a Happy New Year 2022.

#gratitude #selfhypnosis #hypnosis #bobprocter #lawofattraction #thesecret #jakeducey #napoleanhill #thinkandgrowrich

Rich & Depressed

September 12, 2021 / EDITOR / 0 Comments

Rich, Disabled & Depressed.

Did you know that rich people get depressed just like the disabled, working-class, and poor? In fact, in our current climate, everyone gets depressed at some point in their lives regardless, of gender, ethnicity, job title, social status, wealth, or physical and mental disabilities?

There is no such thing as a perfect world or perfect lifestyle that most of us try to strive for. The higher we climb the harder we fall and with more wealth, there will be more problems.

There is not one person on this planet that cannot say they have never been depressed. Even babies can be born depressed.

Rich people are prone to depression because a lot of money of their net worth exists in untouchable assets such as home equity and retirement accounts, not only pressures of work can take their toll on a person’s mental state. For rich people some of the time their wealth only exists on paper and they cannot spend it and run the risk of disappearing due to market conditions.

Rich people spend less time with their families and more time at work, this then puts strain on relationships.

Where the working class person can allocate time to spend with their families in the evenings and weekends and middle to high-class entrepreneurs will prioritize their business in order to run a tight ship. with no time wasted and every day is one day closer to striking gold and more gold. Not everyone is born privileged.

However, saying this person is born privileged or is famous and in the public arena may find it difficult to live normal lives. They cannot just pop down to a local cafe or supermarket their every move is documented so they live in a secluded place away from prying eyes.

The upper class and born privileged person may not understand about other classes and with money flowing may take their wealth for granted but again a wealthy person may also experience depression as they cannot walk on Gods earth freely without being followed by paparazzi and may have to have an entourage of security guarding them. They cannot walk into a store or go anywhere public. They are imprisoned in their own surroundings. They may not have the freedom to do things randomly unlike the rest of the world.

Most CEOs, founders, the innovators are prone to depression more so than the average person, possessing subtle psychopathic traits and be more prone to addiction.

Their addiction and obsession with work only fuel the fire to not fail. Rich people may also turn to alcohol and recreational drugs to self-medicate. These tendencies may even help the individual rise to such heights through their insecurities.

Research suggests that CEOs may be depressed at more than double the rate of the general public (which is already about 20%).

It is also suggested that even privileged rich kids are, counter-intuitively, more depressed and anxious than their middle- or low-income peers. This could be because a social group trap is so tight-knit that it would be virtually impossible to make friends out of their social circle, giving rich kids less freedom. Rich kids do not mix with poor kids or vice versa.

People on low incomes have lower expectations and working-class families learn to cope with the bare minimums and are truly grateful for what they have, which high class have more expectations and are not grateful of what they have because they always want more and better things than the Jones’s. Low-class families are more humble and can show more empathy and understand that a less privileged person will be eternally grateful for any help that is given to them.

Hence a lower class family will be eternally grateful compared to a wealthy family. Whilst a wealthy family will expect the best of the best and if they do not get what they desire they may experience anxiety and depression. There is currently not enough research about the prevalence of depression in the upper vs. the lower socioeconomic classes within a country.

Psychologists who have treated the very high-functioning C-suite types over the years have collected data consensus that tells them that people of high social status and enormous wealth are prone to major depression for a variety of reasons than people of other socioeconomic strata.

Todd Essig, a Forbes writer, and psychologist in New York City said “Uber-success can be depressogenic”. “Many C-suite executives are prone to depression, despite their success, maybe even because of it.”

Depression can affect the lives of everyone, in any stratum.

Regardless if you are rich, poor, or with a disability, no one is immune to anxiety and depression.

However, people who have extreme success are more prone to depression because a person who is successful has chased their own dream and is more protective of it causing isolation and the pressures to keep it a success and not to fail can cause a person to isolate.

People of extreme successes are more prone to criticism there will always be competitors and haters and people just watching and waiting for them to fail.

A person in the public eye may not always have people who will believe in their success.

In this not-so-perfect world where most of us want a perfect life, this is virtually impossible as money cannot buy you happiness. It is a constant battle to please people to have people on the same page as you and there will always be people that are jealous and will say things out of context just to hurt you. It is a constant battle to stay on top which triggers depression in those you’d least expect it. People who are successful, wealthy, and with a disability may find even more pressure to not fail and have to work even harder to get around obstacles. In fact, some of the most successful people in history have suffered from relentless, incapacitating depression – some have won their battles, or, at least, continued to battle, yet some, sadly, succumb to them.

Comparing yourself to the Joneses

People who are extremely successful and very wealthy will always want the best of the best and will always compete with one another to have something grander. This could be the best-hosted party in which mingling with other wealthy people only puts more pressure to make their event even more spectacular. Their competitors, neighbor, or friends dripping with jewels then their jewels would have to be bigger and more expensive, this could also be designer clothes, accessories, cars, properties, etc. They constantly compare themselves to the Joneses. Countries that are low-income, on the other hand, have low depression rates. However even countries with low wealth still like to compete, you should see the graves in Poland the bigger and grander reflects the wealth of the family.

Some people habitually measure their self-worth by materialistic items that they own. Even people of low wealth try to portray they are rich by wearing designer clothes and accessories but in reality, they do not have two pennies to rub together. Not everything that glistens is gold.

Quality Time

People of working or low class have time to delegate their free time whilst a person who is an entrepreneur will be more driven in making their business succeed and may neglect family in order to concentrate on making their business a success. Once at the top of the ladder they will constantly be overprotective to make their business stay in the number one spot. This adds further stress and anxiety and eventually depression.

People of the lower class do not have the same expectations and those of the working or middle or higher class. They may be complacent to what they have and will not be driven to improve their lives they will not have the same pressure as working or middle-class people. Entrepreneurs are on the spectrum of the lower, working, middle and upper class but they have a key goal to succeed. They will battle to climb the ladder. To achieve extreme success, a person needs to dedicate an extraordinary amount of time and effort to get there, which can make for a life that feels precipitous and lonely.

People climbing the ladder may find everyday things that people take for granted like spending time with family mundane and not proactive. Going for leisurely walks or taking time out to exercise may be an ordeal and you will be surprised that many successful people have their own Gyms or exercise bikes in their offices. Also engaging in meaningless conversations and socializing with people that do not have the same vision adds even more pressure to socially disconnect.

Privilege People

People who have been born wealthy and do not have to ever worry about putting food on the table may find it hard to cope if they find themselves in uncharted territory. People born into wealth do not understand and may find it harder to cope with life problems as they have always been shielded from it. Arnold Washton, a psychologist at Compass Health Group said that depression may also be more common in people who have only known wealth, since they may not be familiar with bootstrapping themselves through difficult times. However, people who self-made millionaires or billionaires may be more resilient as they have experienced the struggles of getting to the top and they know what to expect. A self-made millionaire, a billionaire has more authority to teach people about wealth than someone who was born with a silver spoon in their mouth.

The higher you rise the harder you fall.

To be always vigilant and be prepared for disasters and knowing from all the mistakes and failures you have had will give you a building block to start again. Having a stepping stone if things go belly up and being able to reinvent yourself is one key factor to making sure you succeed. If something is not working quite right create another building block. When business is bad, it goes without saying that depression would be more likely. In good economic times, even if every milestone is hit at exactly the right point, some may find that they feel they have failed. Rather than let everything come tumbling down have strategies in place for every economic disaster.

Just because someone is super-wealthy does not mean you have to be less empathetic towards them. By helping them get through their depression will encourage them to help you. The super-rich also have bills to pay and have obligations just like you and I. Obviously our bills are nothing compared to the magnitude of theirs but it’s bills all the same. Unless a person is a ruler of the land or oil tycoon even then the laws of the land may forbid their relatives to live normal lives. Even princesses have attempted to escape certain countries because they want to live normal lives. Knowing a person is depressed regardless of their stature one can only offer a helping hand this could be just an anonymous talk or perhaps advice and links to organizations.

Rich Person Insecurities.

  1. Keeping up with the Jones
  2. Health Issues, Mental Health, Physical and Mental Disabilities
  3. Sealing the Next Deal
  4. Finding Funds for the Next Investment
  5. Shopaholic, Wife, Girlfriend, Partner, Mistress (Over Spending)
  6. Infidelity (Not being satisfied)
  7. Balancing Work and Family Life
  8. Pressures to Succeed and maintain No1 spot
  9. Market Conditions
  10. Untouchable Assets

Wealth/Money cannot buy you health or happiness. Wealth? Money is a tool and a monetary exchange for something you desire. Wealth can satisfy your needs and fill in an empty void, it can help secure your future and your family’s future but it cannot buy you health or happiness. Having material things and assets may make you feel more superior but it will never make you happy.

The key to happiness is knowing that what you do helps others. However to be happy you need to be healthy and you have to treat your body like a temple. If you look after your body it will look after you the spiritual being in the physical body.

If someone is suffering from depression and recognizes they have a problem this does not make them weak. By reaching out to someone is the first step to healing.

Sharing your pain, your worries, and anxieties are the first step to alleviating the problem. A person who is suffering should not suffer alone and needs to reach out to someone or seek professional help.

Regardless of the person’s title or wealth status, we are all human at the end of the day.

Regardless of who you are you can drop us a line you do not have to give your real name and you can set up a Gmail email if you simply feel life is unbearable we are here to lend an ear and we can offer suggestions.

Whatever you are going through you do not have to go through it alone. You are not the first or the last person to suffer and you should not suffer in silence.

#stress #depression #clinicaldepression #ocd #mental health #obsessivecompultivedisorder #bipolar #anxiety #worry #worries #loneliness #therapy #hypnosis #talking #chatting #reachingout #suicideprevention #prescriptiondrugs #antidepressants #famouspeoplewithdepression #richanddepressed

Support & Encouragement

July 11, 2021 / EDITOR / 2 Comments

Support & Encouragement

If you can follow like and share complete strangers’ content and worship celebrities then why can you not be supportive to your family, friends, and their businesses?

I will give you an example I did a social experiment yesterday to see how many members of my family would, like, comment, share, or even respond to a text message and Facebook post I had made, even though they are active online.

You will be surprised to know that I had ZERO interaction from them, yet they want me to sit at the same table as them and have dinner with them.

If you can gawk at a TV show for half an hour idolizing celebs you have never met or spend time on social media platforms, why can you not be supportive of friends and family that may rely on likes, shares, and comments to generate more traffic to their businesses?

According to the latest statistics an average person spends 145 minutes every day on social media, or 2 hours and 25 minutes every day. One of the most surprising things is that the figure has gone up by almost a full hour since 2012, so if every person with a smartphone checks their phone for messages and emails to then say they are not connected with the main social media platforms may be telling a white lie. Our brains are wired to release a chemical called dopamine which is a neurotransmitter to make us feel happy, it prompts us to connect online and can be addictive.

It is therefore disappointing to know that these members of my family have totally ignored the message I sent yesterday, in fact, total strangers over 9.5K on LinkedIn alone and I have never met before are more supportive of me online than my own family, which basically says a lot.

Therefore I have to analyse why that could be and this is what I have found.

  1. People are so consumed in their own beliefs and lifestyles and may not understand yours, hence will not be supportive of you.
  2. Others may be insecure about their own dead-end lives and may not want you to succeed for the fear that you might actually make something of yourself and leave them standing. This for all intent and purposes it is jealousy, as they can see you are turning your life around whilst they are stuck in their mundane lives, eating, sleeping, and working with no purpose and most cases up to their eyeballs in debt (mortgages, car loans credit cards, etc). Your life is more exciting than theirs, especially if you are debt-free.
  3. Most people are batteries in the matrix and are programmed and will not support or encourage you because they do not know-how.
  4. Sometimes entrepreneurs may act a little crazy, weird, different, outrageous, and maybe dreamers, believers, trailblazers. This is nothing to be shunned upon in fact it should be celebrated. Yet people do not like anything that is different, they like normal and may label you as eccentric and have reservations and fear that your craziness may rub off on them so they do not comment or interact.
  5. They may think very highly of themselves even going as far as believing they are better than you, so will not be supportive of anything you put your hands to, (which I believe is true). A true friend or sincere family member will reach out to you at least once a month and not a couple of times a year.
  6. Often in entrepreneurship CEOs may make decisions that others would not consider doing as they want to play safely in their mundane lives. They may not support you because they see what you do is a gamble.
  7. If your family or friends see no change in your lifestyle, they may think you are not succeeding and without you proving you have assets they will never believe in you until they see it for themselves, hence will not give you the encouragement as they will assume and presume you are failing.
  8. People may not support you because they do not believe in your values.
  9. They may not understand the concept that the more likes, shares, and comments you have the more traffic it will attract as their friends will see your content also and the cycle continues.

I wrote a post on Linkedin asking if a domain broker does not interact with you on your posts, should you like, share and comment on their posts? I believe everyone that wants exposure should interact with one another, a bit like “I will scratch your back if you scratch mine”. It does not have to be business orientated it could be you as an individual wanting more connections, friend requests, and liked to your posts.

“When someone does not support or encourage you, do what you do twice and take pictures”.

My social experiment was a disaster but my family got the message I was advertising, even though they may deny ever receiving anything from me and not realize the aftermath and consequences of their unresponsive reactions.

There is always a domino effect to everything we do in life. If they are not interested in my life, only when it suits them, then why should I be interested in theirs?

“Their beliefs are not your beliefs”.

“Never tell people your problems, 80% don’t care and the other 20% are glad you have them”.

“Don’t feel bad when people reject you. People usually reject things because they can’t afford them”.

“Never ignore someone who cares about you because someday you’ll realize you lost a diamond when you were busy collecting stones”.

For me, I am trying to not be resentful because the members of my family that have not been supportive in what I do could have helped me by spreading awareness which essentially costs nothing. I do not need empowerment from them, they have had plenty of chances, but it would have been nice to have had a like, comment, and share rather than nothing at all.

In turn, they could have inadvertently helped others like myself that suffer from disabilities to encourage them with kind comments. It is not as if they never received my message as I sent them all a text message which was delivered.

Giving support and encouragement can be uplifting and can change a person’s mood and help with mental health issues. Always be kind and considerate and do think twice before scrolling past a post or completely ignoring a text message, especially if they are friends or family.

My family’s time will come when they will learn the truth of how I actually have felt and how their lack of support has affected my mental health.

I do not dwell on things, just record certain memories for reference. I am learning to disassociate myself from negativity and judgemental people, who are just watching and waiting for you to fail. Never let anyone’s negativity alter your mental state it is their opinion it is no the rest of the world’s opinion and who are they at the end of the day if they are judgemental and unsupportive.

I suppose you live and learn and you carry on.

https://www.thedailypositive.com/32-facts-to-remember-when-people-are-unsupportive/

7 Things to Remember When People Don’t Support You

What is Narcissism

February 7, 2021 / EDITOR / 0 Comments

What is Narcisissism.

Narcissism is a PERSONALITY DISORDER, it is defined by the pursuit of POWER wanting other people to see you as IMPORTANT. Seeking gratification for everything you do including ooking for COMPLIMENTS AND ADMIRATION from a personal self-image to being RECOGNISED for the things you may do. It is the feeling that you love yourself so much that you expect others to love you too and in the same way. A Narcissitic person wants to be NO 1 in everything they do and wants CONTROL of his/her surroundings. The term originated from Greek mythology, where a young man named Narcissus fell in love with his own image reflected in a pool of water.

Todays post was prompted by a comment that was made on another post which got me thinking I should write about Narcissism as this has affected me personally and over the years I tried to evaluate this particular individual that essentially tried to control me.

At first this person who will remain nameless for now was introduced to me by a friend. My first impressions was I did not like him, call it a gut feeling if you will. However it was at the time where I was feeling alone and wanting deperately, someone, anyone to comfort me as I had lost both my parents in a short space of time. It was after several meetings through my social circles I had, I met this person again.

The first time I met him he was very drunk and the times after that he was sober but it was a favour for a friend I ended up meeting him alone (Jan 2010 – all will be revealed in my book). Pleasantly surprised, I found him charming and funny and thought perhaps I had read him wrong and gave him another chance.

It was not long after we started dating and being extremely naive at the time it did not cross my mind that he was interested in me as I had inherited a lot of money. However tragedy struck again within a month of me dating him when I lost my brother.

I felt my life was falling apart and needed someone to help me hold it together.

Obviously being fairly well off I was able to fund holidays abroad and it was most probably four months into our relationship I experienced the first outburst. I brushed it off as I thought maybe he was having an off day as most people do not see eye to eye at some point in their relationship and I just thought it was a one off incident.

He showed no signs of being narcissistic until most probably a year later where he would start to question everything I did and who I was with and the first serious incident was when he sprayed an concoction of chemicals in my eyes and temporarily blinded me.

I will be the first person to admit I was very stupid with what played out after, as I refused to press charges against him. I thought I could reason with him, CHANGE HIM and make him learn from his mistakes, I even suggested therapy, how wrong was I, as it was three year after the first major incident he struck again this time kicking my knee seven times until it dislocated and to this day I now have problems with it and will have to have an operation to have it fixed. I even tried analysing his background as I noticed people in his birthplace very abusive to their partners which made think this is their way of life. His mother even admitted to being abusive to her disabled husband when he was alive, so it could even be a trait copied from his mother.

Obviously he did other things in between these incidents, in which it is all now very difficult to recall and buried deep, but I have logged all the evidence as the incidents occurred at the time, just to protect myself.

What did I learn from this:

  1. Never trust anyone implicitly.
  2. Do not believe you can change a person because you can’t.
  3. The first signs of any abuse find a way to end the relationship.
  4. Have an escape plan.
  5. Tell everyone, friends and family about this person.
  6. Isolate yourself from this person. Have an escape plan.
  7. Know the signs especially if the perpetrator shows no empathy.
  8. Do not make excuses for the narcissist, do not make excuses to yourself saying this was a one off incident or the person will change, because they won’t.
  9. Recognise all the traits.
  10. Empower yourself with confidence and start to love yourself again.

For me I have not really reflected on how I have felt as I buried it under tonnes of work and have always kept myself busy in order not to think and dwell on the past. The past is history and if anything it tought me a life lesson in which I can safetly say I will never be in the same situation again and can forewarn others through my own personal experience. I was stupid and naive to put up with all the BS and all the abuse I endured, I was in a viscious cycle everytime time something happened I would say to myself next time it will not happen but next time alway did. Eventually one day I said enough is enough and have not looked back since. Kicking my knee was what broke the camel’s back so to speak and I was lucky as it could have been a totally different story.

The traits to look out for are:

  1. Lack of Empathy. “The inability to identify with or recognise the experiences and feelings of other people. Everything is about them and belongs to them,”. When I asked the perpertrator to explain why he did the things that he did, he could not give me an answer, did not show guilt or remorse and was unapologetic.
  2. Manipulation. The ability to twist the situation to better suit their narrative is a poignant personality trait that all egotistical people possess. The perpertrator managed to always blame me for everything that he was not happy with. He would judge me all the time.
  3. Projection. Projection is a defence or an unconscious pattern that occurs when the person feels psychologically threatened, they will then accuse you of doing something to throw the linelight off themselves, a good example is the person who is cheating accuses his partner of cheating. He used to always accuse me of being unfaithful.
  4. Emotionally cold. I said earlier in a reponse to a comment that I was cold as ice, but what I failed to say I also have empathy, I do have feelings and I know when I am wrong. My life experience has made more thick skinned and if say someone critises me I just take that as their own opinion. Theres a saying “what does not kill you makes you stronger”. An emotionally cold or distant trait normally surfaces during arguments when one person is experiencing and expressing significant emotion and the narcissistic person just lets your emotions go over his/her head and does not respond, giving you a cold shoulder. This essentially makes you feel alone and unloved.
  5. Gaslighting. Doing things deliberately in order to question yourself, whilst taking the onus off themselves. Gaslighting term first arose from the 1930’s play Gas Light, where a husband, in an attempt to drive his wife crazy, kept turning down the gas-powered lights in the house. When the wife asked why he is dimming the lights, he denied it and said they were no dimmer. Over time the wife would start to question herself and eventually found herself going mad. “Gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse that involves denying a person’s experience and making statements, such as ‘that never happened’ or ‘you are too sensitive”,
  6. Never Taking Responsibility. Knowing when you are wrong and admitting to your wrong doings or flaws makes us the bigger person, however with narcissists it is the polar opposite. A narcissist is a master of his/her own illusion and will try to avoid the blame with lying, cheating etc. A narcissist will make up complex excuses and rationalise anything, just so that they are left to blame.
  7. Controlling. The definition of controlling partner means that in most common manifestations of their relationship the narcissist will monitor your whereabouts at all times, checking your emails and text messages, criticising your appearance, and making nearly all important decisions, with little regard for your opinion. In my case not matter have immaculately I dressed and kept my appearance I was always critised and called names. I had my phone taken off me (If I did not give him what he wanted I would get physically abused) and he would post and invite his ex girlfriends onto my Facebook. He would check to see who I was meeting and check my text messages.
  8. Grandiose. Grandiosity is a pattern in which a person tends to exaggerate accomplishments, talents, connections, and experiences. In the case of my abuser he told tails about his past life but I never really believed in anything he said. The narcissist usually do not have to be real experiences, grandiose people tend to maintain over-the-top fantasy worlds. Grandiosity can also be manifested by a sense of self-importance, a belief that their existence is bigger and more important than anyone else’s and certainly more important than yours.
  9. Panic. A narcisist will panic if you threaten to break up or leave them, ss soon as you back away, a narcissist will try that much harder to keep you in their lives. They will do everything and anything to shower you with affection, they will say all the right things to make you think they have changed so that you never leave them and the cycle continues round and round until oneday day you say enough is enough.
  10. Mentally & Physically Abusive. Aswell as playing mind games a narcissist may also become physically violent in order to have control over you. When this happens do not hang around and have an exit plan to get away. In my case I stopped my abuser visiting me and changed the locks, I also showed him all the evidence I have collated and what I will do with it should he ever try to come near me again. So far touch wood it has worked. If you live with your abuser you must make an exit plan where you can grab a bag and run. Make a list of people you can confide in, set up secret codes. Fill your bag with important documents passports, money etc. Just take the essentials so that you can escape to somewhere safe. Or wait for them to leave and change the locks and call the police. For me my abuser is out of my life and I have seen he has moved on as he is in a relationship with someone else, which means he no longer has any use for me.

A narcissist will only move on when they find someone else they can prey on.

That is why narcissists are not loyal and are more likely to play the field. A narcissist can never find love as they are never satisfied with what they have and will always be looking for something better.

Why People Do Not Care.

November 29, 2020 / EDITOR / 15 Comments

Why do people not care?

There are various reasons why someone does not care.

  1. The person has had parents that have not shown any love or affection
  2. This applies to men, where their social upbringing tells them that crying makes them weak and to man up if they are hurting and not to be a big girl’s blouse. Hence men may not show emotion.
  3. A person may have built a defense mechanism to shield themselves from harm.
  4. A person may be brainwashed by political or religious groups.
  5. The person has been abused, physically, mentally or both (domestic violence).
  6. The person was raped.
  7. The person was traumatized by the grief of losing a loved one.

People only care if they are directly affected by something or someone. This could be their beliefs in which they would be advocates or for people that they know such as family, friends, and sometimes even co-workers. It is the social connection people have with one another that allows them to show emotion to another person.

The only other times people will care is they are on the job and must, i.e. Doctors & Nurses, Firefighters, Care-workers (who are doing good for society as a whole rather than getting personal), or if a person randomly witnesses someone that needs their help like for example if someone was injured or dying. Volunteering is an act of kindness but does not mean necessarily you care about an individual but more so about a cause.

However, if you are doing good does not always mean you care it is how you want to be perceived by others. Doing good for society can only be praised and it’s our acts of kindness without getting personal that help us be better people and make a difference in the world. By helping with a cause, one could be passionate about something and may want to make a mark in society that they have tried to do good, call it a legacy if you will. Our emotions should not be confused with our acts of kindness (we do not have to care to be kind, it could be our moral duty to be kind). Kindness is an act of compassion that relates to wisdom, confidence, and courage. Kindness is a strength we have to help others. Being compassionate is an attitude we have to deal with a problem.

People that show no emotion at all or are controlling are called narcissists. However, not everyone is without empathy.

Most people care about their family and friends but will not extend to strangers. That is why there are so many homeless people because if society cared they would try to help or take them in. Not all homeless people are junkies and even if they were, there are rehab centers and shelters they can go to if people took a moment to help them out of their busy life rather than walk on by.

How many of us have thrown a penny or two at a homeless person or thought “Get a job”? (Before you say anything this has never crossed my mind but I bet you a bottom dollar it has to so many people). How many of us have stopped to ask if that person is ok or bought them hot food or a drink ( I know I have) or even given them something warm to wear?

Small acts of kindness will go a long way.

“I for one will show empathy to someone less fortunate than myself rather than an able-bodied person. The reason for this is I have built a barrier around myself and am extremely careful who I am associated with. I have trusted so many people in the past that have betrayed me and caused me harm. I am now extremely cautious about who I let in. I find keeping myself to myself is the best form of practice”. I will sooner help a vulnerable person because they need my help not because I care but because it is my moral duty as a human being to help someone less fortunate than myself.

It does not say much about a person that walks on by and does nothing.

Mother Theresa once said “If I look at the mass I will never act. If I look at the one, I will.” These are the words of a woman whose acts of charity and kindness earned her sainthood.

For some people a single death can seem like a tragedy, however, we cannot connect to amass loss of life unless we are somehow associated with that loss. More often than not, the deaths of many simply become a statistic, something that happened to someone else, elsewhere.

“For me, I have to be stricken by grief 8 times, never mind all other bad things that have happened to me, which I will be writing in my book”.

Seeing millions of lives lost through natural disasters, wars, or to famine is just news that happened somewhere else and did not affect us directly hence we cannot associate ourselves with it.

We can become numb to the news that we hear, and our compassion can be consumed by our day-to-day living.

Paul Slovic, a psychologist at the University of Oregon who has studied psychic numbing for decades said “One is that it doesn’t deal with numbers in magnitude very well. If we’re talking about lives, one life is tremendously important and valuable and we’ll do anything to protect that life, save that life, rescue that person. But as the numbers increase, our feelings don’t commensurately increase as well.”

Paul Slovic’s research suggests that as statistical numbers associated with a tragedy get larger and larger, we become desensitized and show less empathy. Therefore, this can make is less likely to act. Global disasters make people disassociate themselves from the atrocities and they start to become complacent that because it did not affect them there is little they can do but simply carry on with their lives as if it never happened, even going on to say that they “feel bad” about what has happened but what can they do. Feeling bad which is showing sympathy is different from showing empathy.

Empathy is the ability to understand other people’s feelings just as we have experienced ourselves. Sympathy on the other hand is the ability to take part in someone else’s feelings, mostly by feeling sorrowful about their misfortune, in which we can dissociate.

The same goes with the Coronavirus Covid-19 Pandemic because we have not been affected by it directly only indirectly some people will have a blasé attitude and may not take it as seriously as it is meant to be. This leads to a kind of apathy that makes people complacent about hand washing or wearing masks.

People who say they care in one breath but do nothing to help a person in need in another breath are false. The ones who say “I would if I could, but I can’t” are simply making excuses, because everyone can help if they try.

If say someone has financial problems and the other person cannot help them out as they too have financial problems of their own, one still can help the person out by problem-solving and researching the best options available.

I wonder next time you ask someone to help you how many will come forward….

Further reading: https://www.bbc.com/future/article/20200630-what-makes-people-stop-caring

How to React When Someone Blanks You.

November 27, 2020 / EDITOR / 2 Comments

How to Deal With Someone Who has Blanked You.

So how do you deal with people who blank you?

Being ignored hurts.

Deciding how to react can be difficult especially if you are not bosom pals.

  1. Try to evaluate the situation and consider the implications if you do confront the person and their reaction. They may be false and give you a half-hearted apology. Try to think back to the last time you spoke to them (which in my case apart from the text was most probably at the beginning of the year for my daughter’s birthday dinner). The situation was strained as I always think there is an ulterior motive to meeting up once a year when you do not bother with that person for the rest of the 364 days. Think of a time perhaps where they have been angry or hostile toward you? Did you say something to offend them? If so, they are probably still stewing over whatever it was set them off in the first place. On the other hand, if you had a great time with them last time, there’s probably a very good reason they have blanked you. They could have been busy and not had the time to reply or simply forgotten. In my case and I have many people that contact me on a daily basis I always find time for them and will not blank them as it does not say much about me if I did. Blanking is simply being rude.
  2. Ask another person that knows the two of you, why you’re being ignored. In some cases, if you know the person’s friends or relatives you could ask them. If the person ignoring you is a friend or coworker, ask a mutual friend or coworker who may know why you’re being ignored. Perhaps you have upset the person inadvertently and they have decided to just ignore you to avoid escalating any conflict. A third party might be able to assess the situation more objectively and help you figure out why you’re being ignored. In my case I could possibly ask my ex-sister-in-law from my other brother’s marriage as this person does speak to her more often than I do. I personally think Madam has got too big for her boots.
  3. Confront the Bull by the Horns. Ask the person ignoring you directly why they are behaving this way. Confront the person ignoring you directly face to face and ask them what is upsetting them. If they are true they will give you an honest answer but if they are false they will be cowardly and say there is nothing wrong just to get you off the scent. Confront the person in a private and quiet place away from any distractions or send them an email or letter and calmly ask why they have chosen to ignore you. Express your feelings in a calm and courteous manner. Present evidence that they’ve been ignoring you, such as not returning your calls or emails, or not responding when you speak to them. Listen attentively to their explanation.

Final Thoughts.

Depending on the circumstances and situation it may be easier said than done and may prove to be awkward to tackle. If you are in a workplace and you are being ignored during work time, confront the person or persons individually. Confronting them as a group may cause them to gang up on you. If that does not work then go to your superiors. If however, it is during break times, again you can confront the person or persons one by one but tread with caution. You need to find the instigator and get to the bottom of why this is happening to you.

This is simple advice to be a better person, do no blank people, make time for people and consider people’s feelings.

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