Category: Narcissism

Incel Culture Mental Health Problem

April 26, 2024 / Editor

Unveiling Incel Culture: Understanding its Origins, Dynamics, and Impact

The term “incel” has gained notoriety, sparking debates and discussions across various social and academic spheres. Short for “involuntary celibate,” the incel community represents a subgroup of individuals who identify as unable to find romantic or sexual partners despite a desire for such relationships. However, beneath this seemingly innocuous label lies a complex and often troubling culture that warrants deeper examination.

The Genesis of Incel Culture

The origins of incel culture can be traced back to online forums in the early 1990s, where individuals gathered to discuss their frustrations and experiences with romantic and sexual rejection. Initially, these spaces served as support networks for individuals seeking solace and advice. However, over time, certain forums became breeding grounds for resentment, misogyny, and even violent ideologies.

Ideological Underpinnings

At the heart of incel culture lies a toxic blend of misogyny, self-pity, and entitlement. Many incels harbor deep-seated resentment towards women, whom they perceive as shallow, promiscuous, and unattainable. This resentment often manifests in derogatory language, objectification, and even calls for violence against women.

Moreover, incel culture promotes a victim mentality, wherein individuals blame external factors—such as physical appearance or societal norms—for their perceived lack of success in romantic endeavors. This sense of victimhood fosters feelings of hopelessness and alienation, further perpetuating the cycle of negativity within the community.

Online Echo Chambers

The proliferation of online platforms has played a significant role in the spread and reinforcement of incel culture. From dedicated forums to social media groups, incels have found virtual spaces where they can commiserate, validate each other’s grievances, and reinforce their shared worldview. Within these echo chambers, extremist views are not only normalized but also amplified, leading to radicalization and the cultivation of dangerous ideologies.

The Real-world Consequences

While some may dismiss incel culture as harmless online venting, its real-world consequences are far-reaching and deeply concerning. In recent years, several high-profile acts of violence have been linked to individuals who identified with or were influenced by incel ideology. From mass shootings to acts of domestic terrorism, these incidents underscore the potential for radicalization and violence within the incel community.

Furthermore, incel culture perpetuates harmful stereotypes and stigmas surrounding mental health and masculinity. By framing romantic and sexual success as essential markers of worth and status, it marginalizes those who do not conform to conventional standards of attractiveness or social prowess. This pressure to fit a narrow mold can exacerbate feelings of inadequacy and isolation, particularly among vulnerable individuals.

Addressing the Root Causes

To combat the proliferation of incel culture and its associated harms, a multifaceted approach is required. First and foremost, addressing the underlying factors driving individuals towards incel communities—such as loneliness, social isolation, and mental health issues—is essential. Providing support services, fostering inclusive communities, and promoting healthy attitudes towards relationships and self-worth are critical steps in this regard.

Moreover, tackling misogyny and gender-based violence is paramount. This entails challenging patriarchal norms, promoting gender equality, and educating individuals—particularly young men—about consent, respect, and healthy relationships. By dismantling the toxic ideologies that underpin incel culture, we can work towards creating a more inclusive and equitable society for all.

Unraveling the Complex Relationship: Is Incel Culture a Mental Health Problem?

While the culture surrounding inceldom encompasses various social, psychological, and ideological dimensions, the question remains: Is incel culture primarily a manifestation of mental health issues?

Understanding Mental Health and Incel Culture

At its core, mental health encompasses a broad spectrum of conditions that affect an individual’s emotional, psychological, and social well-being. From depression and anxiety to personality disorders and psychosis, mental health disorders can manifest in a myriad of ways, influencing thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. In the context of incel culture, it is crucial to differentiate between mental health issues experienced by individuals within the community and the cultural phenomenon itself.

Individual Perspectives: Mental Health Challenges within the Incel Community

Many individuals who identify with or are drawn to incel culture may indeed struggle with underlying mental health issues. Feelings of loneliness, social isolation, low self-esteem, and depression are commonly reported among members of the incel community. Moreover, the stigma surrounding mental health may prevent individuals from seeking help or support, exacerbating their sense of alienation and hopelessness.

For some, incel forums and online communities may serve as a coping mechanism, providing a sense of belonging and validation in the face of perceived rejection or marginalization. However, the echo chambers of incel culture can also reinforce negative thought patterns, exacerbating feelings of anger, resentment, and entitlement. In extreme cases, this can lead to the adoption of harmful ideologies and behaviors, including misogyny and violence.

Societal Factors: The Intersection of Culture and Mental Health

While individual mental health challenges undoubtedly play a role in shaping incel culture, it is essential to recognize the broader societal factors at play. Sociocultural norms surrounding masculinity, beauty standards, and romantic success can exert immense pressure on individuals, particularly young men, to conform to narrow ideals of attractiveness and social status. Failure to meet these standards can contribute to feelings of inadequacy, shame, and isolation, fueling the allure of incel communities as a refuge for those who feel disenfranchised by conventional norms.

Moreover, the proliferation of online platforms has facilitated the spread of incel ideology, creating echo chambers where extremist views are normalized and reinforced. This digital landscape can exacerbate existing mental health issues and amplify feelings of anger, resentment, and alienation among vulnerable individuals.

The Need for a Comprehensive Approach

Addressing the intersection of mental health and incel culture requires a multifaceted approach that recognizes the complex interplay of individual, societal, and cultural factors. Providing accessible mental health resources, destigmatizing help-seeking behaviors, and promoting healthy attitudes towards relationships and self-worth are essential steps in supporting individuals who may be struggling within the incel community.

Furthermore, challenging the underlying societal norms and structures that perpetuate toxic masculinity, misogyny, and social exclusion is critical for preventing the proliferation of incel culture and its associated harms. By fostering inclusive communities, promoting empathy and understanding, and cultivating a culture of respect and consent, we can work towards creating a society where individuals feel valued, supported, and empowered to seek help when needed.

Incel & Narcisism

The relationship between incel culture and narcissism is multifaceted and complex. While not all individuals within the incel community exhibit narcissistic traits, there are significant overlaps between certain aspects of incel ideology and narcissistic tendencies.

Entitlement and Grandiosity

One of the key characteristics of narcissism is a sense of entitlement and grandiosity. Narcissistic individuals often believe they are inherently special and deserving of admiration and attention from others. Similarly, some members of the incel community harbor feelings of entitlement towards romantic and sexual relationships, viewing themselves as deserving of affection and intimacy despite lacking conventional attributes of attractiveness or social status.

External Validation and Rejection Sensitivity

Narcissists typically seek external validation to bolster their fragile self-esteem and self-worth. Similarly, individuals within the incel community may experience heightened sensitivity to rejection and social exclusion, seeking validation and affirmation from online forums and communities. The perceived rejection or lack of romantic success can exacerbate feelings of inadequacy and fuel resentment towards those perceived as more successful or desirable.

Objectification and Devaluation of Others

Narcissists often view others as mere objects or sources of validation, lacking empathy and genuine concern for the well-being of others. Similarly, some elements of incel culture propagate objectification and devaluation of women, portraying them as mere prizes to be won or ascribing value based solely on physical appearance or sexual availability. This objectification can foster hostile attitudes towards women and perpetuate harmful stereotypes and misogyny within the community.

Victim Mentality and Externalization of Blame

Both narcissists and individuals within the incel community may adopt a victim mentality, externalizing blame for their perceived shortcomings onto external factors such as societal norms, physical appearance, or the actions of others. This reluctance to take responsibility for one’s circumstances can perpetuate feelings of powerlessness and resentment, further reinforcing the sense of victimhood within the community.

While there are undeniable overlaps between certain aspects of incel culture and narcissistic tendencies, it is essential to recognize that not all individuals within the incel community exhibit narcissistic traits, and not all narcissists identify as incels. Additionally, the relationship between incel culture and narcissism is influenced by a myriad of individual, societal, and cultural factors, making it challenging to draw simplistic conclusions.

However, by acknowledging and addressing the underlying issues driving both incel ideology and narcissistic tendencies—such as feelings of inadequacy, social isolation, and the need for external validation—we can begin to dismantle toxic attitudes and behaviors and work towards creating a more empathetic, inclusive, and supportive society for all individuals.

Corporate Bullying, Incel Culture and Disability Discrimination in the Workplace

Workplaces should be spaces of collaboration, innovation, and inclusivity. However, a dark undercurrent often lurks beneath the surface, manifesting in various forms of discrimination, harassment, and bullying. Two concerning phenomena that have garnered significant attention are corporate bullying and incel culture. Both are emblematic of broader societal issues and when coupled with disability discrimination and ableism, they create a toxic cocktail detrimental to workplace harmony and individual well-being.

Corporate bullying encompasses a range of behaviors that target individuals within an organization, from subtle manipulation to overt harassment. It often arises from power imbalances, unchecked authority, and toxic leadership styles. Victims of corporate bullying may find themselves marginalized, isolated, and subject to undue stress, which can have severe repercussions on their mental and physical health.

When disability enters the equation, the dynamics of corporate bullying and incel culture become even more complex. Disability discrimination, whether overt or subtle, denies individuals with disabilities equal opportunities for employment, advancement, and fair treatment. Ableism, ingrained societal attitudes that devalue and marginalize people with disabilities, further exacerbates the challenges they face in the workplace.

Individuals with disabilities are often viewed through a lens of pity or incompetence, rather than being recognized for their talents, skills, and contributions. They may encounter barriers to accessing accommodations, face skepticism about their capabilities, and endure microaggressions that undermine their sense of belonging.

Moreover, the intersection of disability and gender can compound these issues, particularly for women with disabilities who contend with both sexism and ableism. They may face heightened scrutiny, objectification, and dismissal of their experiences, further amplifying feelings of isolation and vulnerability.

Addressing the intertwined issues of corporate bullying, incel culture, disability discrimination, and ableism requires a multifaceted approach rooted in education, awareness, and systemic change. Employers must prioritize diversity, equity, and inclusion initiatives that foster a culture of respect, empathy, and belonging for all employees.

Training programs on unconscious bias, respectful communication, and conflict resolution can help dismantle harmful stereotypes and promote understanding across diverse perspectives. Additionally, robust anti-bullying policies, grievance procedures, and whistleblower protections are essential to hold perpetrators of harassment and discrimination accountable.

Creating accessible workplaces involves not only physical accommodations but also cultural shifts that challenge ableist attitudes and dismantle barriers to inclusion. Embracing universal design principles, fostering allyship networks, and amplifying the voices of individuals with disabilities are crucial steps toward creating environments where everyone can thrive.

Furthermore, addressing the underlying societal factors that fuel incel culture requires proactive measures to combat misogyny, toxic masculinity, and social isolation. Promoting healthy relationships, positive masculinity, and respectful discourse can help counteract the toxic ideologies that underpin incel communities.

The intersection of corporate bullying, incel culture, disability discrimination, and ableism underscores the urgent need for comprehensive strategies to promote equity, dignity, and respect in the workplace. By fostering cultures of inclusion, challenging discriminatory attitudes, and supporting marginalized individuals, organizations can create environments where everyone feels valued, empowered, and able to reach their full potential.

Conclusion

While incel culture undoubtedly intersects with mental health issues, it is crucial to approach the topic with nuance and sensitivity. By acknowledging the complex interplay of individual experiences, societal pressures, and cultural dynamics, we can begin to unravel the underlying factors driving the emergence and persistence of incel ideology. Through comprehensive intervention strategies that address both mental health challenges and societal norms, we can work towards creating a more compassionate, inclusive, and supportive society for all.

Incel culture represents a disturbing manifestation of societal issues surrounding gender, sexuality, and mental health. Rooted in misogyny, entitlement, and victimhood, it perpetuates harmful attitudes and behaviors that pose significant risks to individuals and communities alike. By acknowledging and addressing the underlying factors driving incel ideology, we can begin to dismantle this toxic culture and work towards a more compassionate and inclusive society.

#incelculture #celebacy #sexuality #mentalhealth #misogyny #behaviour #entitlement #victimhood #narcisism #narcisist #discrimination #ableism #isolation #loneliness #emotions #hopelessness #toxicculture #negativity #hatred #mensmentalhealth

Consequences Of Humiliating Someone In Public

November 9, 2023 / Editor / 0 Comments

The Ripple Effect of Public Humiliation: Consequences That Extend Beyond the Moment

Public humiliation is a potent force that can leave lasting scars, not just on the individual directly affected but also on the fabric of social dynamics. Where we are becoming increasingly interconnected through social media, the consequences of humiliating someone in public can extend far beyond the immediate moment, affecting mental health, relationships, and even societal well-being.

Impact on Mental Health: Humiliating someone in public can have severe repercussions on their mental health. The shame and embarrassment experienced in such situations can lead to anxiety, depression, and a loss of self-esteem. The long-term effects may manifest in a heightened sense of vulnerability and reluctance to engage in social interactions, perpetuating a cycle of isolation and loneliness.
Strained Relationships: Public humiliation often fractures relationships, both personal and professional. The bonds of trust can be irreparably damaged, leading to a breakdown in communication and understanding. Friends may distance themselves, colleagues may lose respect, and family dynamics may be forever altered. Rebuilding these relationships can be a challenging and lengthy process if it is even possible.
Social Stigma: In the age of social media, public humiliation can become viral within seconds, amplifying its impact. The person subjected to humiliation may face a social stigma that follows them for a long time. This can affect various aspects of their life, including job opportunities, friendships, and romantic relationships. The permanence of online content can make it challenging to escape the shadow of public humiliation.
Impact on bystanders: Witnessing public humiliation can create a culture of fear and silence. Bystanders may become reluctant to express themselves freely or challenge authority, fearing that they too could be the next target. This stifling of expression can have broader implications for societal progress, as diverse perspectives and constructive criticism are essential for growth and development.
Legal Consequences: In extreme cases, public humiliation can lead to legal repercussions. Depending on the nature of the humiliation, it may be considered defamation, harassment, or even assault. Legal action can result in financial consequences and further damage to the reputations of both the perpetrator and the victim.

What should you do if you have been publicly humiliated by someone of authority?

Experiencing public humiliation, especially from someone in authority, can be incredibly distressing.

Here are some steps you can consider taking to navigate through such a challenging situation:

Stay Calm: It’s natural to feel a surge of emotions when humiliated, but try to remain calm. Take deep breaths and give yourself a moment to process what happened.
Find Support: Reach out to friends, family, or colleagues for emotional support. Sharing your feelings with someone you trust can provide comfort and perspective.
Document the Incident: If applicable, document the incident. Write down what happened, including the date, time, location, and any witnesses. This documentation may be useful if you decide to take further action.
Reflect on the Situation: Reflect on the incident to understand the context and any possible contributing factors. This self-reflection can help you decide on the best course of action and how to address the issue constructively.
Address the Issue Directly: If you feel comfortable, consider addressing the person in authority privately. Choose a calm and non-confrontational approach, expressing how their actions affected you and seeking clarification or resolution.
Seek Guidance from HR or a Supervisor: If the humiliation occurred in a professional setting, consult with human resources or a higher-ranking supervisor. Share your concerns and provide any documentation you may have. They may be able to mediate or address the issue appropriately.
Know Your Rights: Familiarize yourself with your rights, especially in a workplace setting. If the humiliation involves discrimination, harassment, or any form of misconduct, it’s essential to know what protections you have under the law.
Consider Counseling or Therapy: Seeking the help of a professional counselor or therapist can provide additional support in coping with the emotional aftermath of public humiliation. They can offer guidance on processing emotions and developing coping strategies.
Evaluate Your Options: Assess whether the incident warrants further action, such as filing a formal complaint or pursuing legal avenues. Consult with a legal professional to understand your rights and the potential courses of action available to you.
Focus on Self-Care: Prioritize self-care during this challenging time. Engage in activities that bring you comfort and relaxation, and surround yourself with positive influences.

Remember, you are not alone, and seeking help is a sign of strength. Every situation is unique, so trust your instincts and take steps that align with your well-being and personal values.

Human Rights Law and the Protection Against Humiliation

Human rights law is a crucial framework established to safeguard the inherent dignity and worth of every individual. Among the myriad rights enshrined in international treaties and conventions, protection against humiliation holds a prominent place. Humiliation, whether inflicted by state actors, individuals, or societal norms, undermines the principles of equality, dignity, and respect that are the cornerstone of human rights.

Understanding Humiliation in the Context of Human Rights

Humiliation can manifest in various forms, including verbal abuse, discriminatory practices, degradation, and torture. In the context of human rights law, the prohibition against humiliation is closely tied to broader principles such as the right to life, liberty, and security of person, freedom from torture or cruel, inhuman, or degrading treatment or punishment, and the right to be free from discrimination.

International Instruments Safeguarding Against Humiliation

Several international instruments explicitly address the issue of humiliation and aim to protect individuals from its detrimental effects. The Universal Declaration of Human Rights (UDHR), adopted by the United Nations General Assembly in 1948, declares in Article 1 that “all human beings are born free and equal in dignity and rights.” This foundational principle establishes the basis for protecting individuals from humiliation.

The International Covenant on Civil and Political Rights (ICCPR) further elaborates on the right to be free from torture or cruel, inhuman, or degrading treatment or punishment in Article 7. Similarly, the Convention Against Torture and Other Cruel, Inhuman, or Degrading Treatment or Punishment (CAT) specifically addresses actions that lead to humiliation, emphasizing the absolute prohibition of torture and cruel, inhuman, or degrading treatment.

Regional human rights instruments, such as the European Convention on Human Rights and the African Charter on Human and Peoples’ Rights, also contain provisions aimed at preventing and remedying humiliation.

State Responsibilities and Accountability

States bear the primary responsibility for ensuring the protection of human rights, including safeguarding individuals from humiliation. This involves not only refraining from directly engaging in such practices but also implementing measures to prevent and address humiliation perpetrated by non-state actors.

National legal systems play a crucial role in holding perpetrators accountable for acts of humiliation. Courts and legal institutions, both at the domestic and international levels, can adjudicate cases related to human rights violations and provide redress to victims.

Challenges in Addressing Humiliation

Despite the clear legal frameworks in place, challenges persist in effectively addressing humiliation. In some instances, cultural norms, societal attitudes, and historical legacies may perpetuate practices that humiliate certain groups of people. Addressing these deeply ingrained issues requires a comprehensive and sustained effort, combining legal measures with education and awareness-raising initiatives.

The protection against humiliation is an integral aspect of human rights law, emphasizing the fundamental dignity and equality of all individuals. International treaties and conventions provide a robust framework for addressing and preventing acts of humiliation, placing the onus on states to uphold these principles. While challenges persist, the ongoing commitment to human rights and the collective effort to raise awareness can contribute to a world where every person is treated with the respect and dignity they inherently deserve.

The repercussions on mental health

The repercussions of humiliation on mental health are profound and multifaceted. Human rights violations that involve humiliation can leave lasting psychological scars, affecting the well-being and mental health of individuals. Understanding the impact on mental health is crucial for addressing the broader consequences of such violations and providing effective support for victims.

Psychological Trauma: Humiliation often leads to psychological trauma, causing individuals to experience intense emotional distress and a sense of powerlessness. The trauma resulting from humiliation can manifest as anxiety, depression, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), and other mental health disorders.
Deterioration of Self-Esteem: Humiliation erodes a person’s sense of self-worth and self-esteem. Continuous exposure to humiliating experiences can contribute to feelings of shame, inadequacy, and a negative self-image. Individuals may internalize the degrading messages, leading to a diminished sense of their own value.
Social Isolation: Victims of humiliation may withdraw from social interactions out of fear of further mistreatment or due to feelings of shame and embarrassment. Social isolation can exacerbate mental health issues, as the support networks that are crucial for resilience and recovery may be weakened or severed.
Impact on Relationships: Humiliation can strain interpersonal relationships, including family, friends, and romantic partnerships. The emotional toll of humiliation can make it challenging for individuals to trust others, express vulnerability, or form meaningful connections, contributing to a sense of loneliness and isolation.
Development of Maladaptive Coping Mechanisms: In response to the emotional pain caused by humiliation, individuals may develop maladaptive coping mechanisms such as substance abuse, self-harm, or other destructive behaviors. These coping strategies may provide temporary relief but can exacerbate mental health challenges over time.
Long-Term Effects on Identity: Humiliation can have a lasting impact on an individual’s sense of identity. It may shape how victims perceive themselves and how they believe others see them. Rebuilding a positive self-image and identity can be a complex and lengthy process that often requires therapeutic intervention and support.
Barriers to Seeking Help: Stigma and fear of judgment can act as barriers to seeking mental health support for those who have experienced humiliation. Overcoming these barriers is essential to ensure that individuals receive the assistance they need to cope with the psychological consequences of human rights violations.
Interconnected Societal Impact: The mental health repercussions of humiliation extend beyond the individual level, affecting communities and societies as a whole. Persistent patterns of humiliation can contribute to a culture of fear, mistrust, and division, hindering social cohesion and collective well-being.

Addressing the mental health repercussions of humiliation requires a comprehensive approach, combining legal, psychological, and social interventions. Efforts should focus on preventing further human rights violations, providing mental health support for victims, and promoting societal awareness and education to foster empathy and understanding. By acknowledging the mental health impact of humiliation, societies can work towards creating environments that uphold human dignity and promote the well-being of all individuals.

The consequences of a person of authority not apologizing if the person they publicly humiliate, and the consequences of an investigation

When a person of authority publicly humiliates someone and fails to apologize, the consequences can be far-reaching and detrimental. This not only affects the individuals directly involved but can also have broader implications for trust in institutions, organizational culture, and the overall well-being of those affected. If the incident prompts an investigation, the consequences may become even more significant. Here are several potential repercussions:

Erosion of Trust: Failure to apologize can lead to a severe erosion of trust between the person of authority and those they lead or represent. Trust is a foundational element in any relationship, especially in professional or institutional settings. Without a sincere apology, trust may be difficult to rebuild, damaging the overall effectiveness of leadership.
Negative Organizational Culture: The behavior of a person in authority sets the tone for the organizational culture. If a leader engages in public humiliation without acknowledging the wrongdoing, it can foster a toxic work environment. This negativity may permeate the organization, affecting morale, productivity, and the overall well-being of employees.
Employee Disengagement: Public humiliation and the absence of a genuine apology can lead to employee disengagement. When employees feel unsupported or disrespected, their motivation and commitment to their work may decline, negatively impacting productivity and organizational success.
Legal Consequences: If the incident of public humiliation involves violations of laws or workplace regulations, an investigation may uncover legal liabilities. Failure to apologize may exacerbate the legal consequences, potentially leading to lawsuits, fines, or other legal actions against the person of authority or the organization.
Reputational Damage: Public humiliation can result in significant reputational damage for both the individual in authority and the organization. This damage can affect relationships with stakeholders, clients, and the broader community. A lack of apology may further intensify negative perceptions and hinder efforts at reputation repair.
Impact on Mental Health: The person who was publicly humiliated may experience severe emotional distress and mental health consequences. Without a sincere apology, the healing process may be impeded, potentially leading to prolonged emotional suffering, anxiety, and other mental health challenges.
Employee Retention Issues: A hostile work environment created by public humiliation and the absence of an apology can contribute to employee turnover. Skilled and talented individuals may choose to leave the organization in search of a more supportive and respectful workplace, leading to a loss of valuable human capital.
Heightened Scrutiny and Investigations: The lack of an apology may trigger increased scrutiny from internal or external bodies, such as human resources departments, ethics committees, or regulatory agencies. Investigations may be initiated to assess the extent of the wrongdoing and determine whether organizational policies or laws were violated.
Leadership Credibility Damage: Failure to apologize can seriously damage the credibility of the person in authority. Leadership effectiveness is closely tied to credibility, and a leader who is unwilling to take responsibility for their actions may struggle to maintain the respect and support of their followers.
Organizational Change Requirements: Investigations may reveal systemic issues within the organization that contributed to the incident. This could necessitate broader organizational changes, such as revised policies, enhanced training programs, or a reassessment of leadership structures to prevent similar occurrences in the future.

The consequences of a person of authority not apologizing after publicly humiliating someone can have wide-ranging effects, impacting trust, organizational culture, legal standing, and the well-being of individuals involved. Investigations become crucial in uncovering the truth, determining accountability, and guiding necessary changes to prevent recurrence.

Conclusion:

The consequences of humiliating someone in public are multifaceted and can have far-reaching implications. In a world that values empathy and understanding, it is crucial to recognize the potential harm caused by public humiliation and actively work toward creating a more compassionate and supportive society. Whether online or offline, fostering an environment where individuals feel safe and respected is not just a personal responsibility but a collective one that contributes to the well-being of society as a whole.

When you want to complain but fear repercussions, consider whistle-blowing or get someone to complain for you anonymously.

There should be no excuse to humiliate someone publically or privately. Humiliating some reflects at the end of the day on who you are. If you have been bullied or humiliated do not take it out on another person.

#humiliation #humiliting #degrading #embarrasing #publichumiliation #humanrights #mentalhealth #selfesteem #socialisolation #bullying #emotionaldistress

No Win No Fee!

Abusive Relationships – What Women Should Do

September 26, 2023 / Andrew Jones / 0 Comments

Man Covering Woman's mouth — **Image Credit**

Abusive Relationships – What Women Should Do

Abusive Relationships – Empowering Women to Take Control

Abusive relationships are a painful reality for many women across the globe. These toxic relationships can take many forms, including emotional, physical, or psychological abuse, and can leave lasting scars on the survivors. It is crucial to understand that no one should ever tolerate abuse in any form, and women, in particular, should be empowered to take control of their lives and seek help when needed. In this article, we will explore what women should do if they find themselves in an abusive relationship.

Recognize the Signs

The first step in addressing an abusive relationship is recognizing the signs. Abuse is not limited to physical violence; it can manifest in various ways, such as controlling behavior, verbal insults, isolation from friends and family, or financial manipulation. It’s essential to understand that abuse is never the survivor’s fault and is never justified. By recognizing the signs of abuse, women can take the first step toward regaining control of their lives.

Seek Support

One of the most critical steps for women in abusive relationships is seeking support. This support can come from trusted friends and family members who can provide emotional and practical assistance. It’s vital to remember that you don’t have to go through this alone. Reach out to those who care about you and let them know what you’re going through.

Additionally, organizations and hotlines dedicated to helping survivors of abuse are available in many countries. These resources can provide guidance, information, and a safe space to discuss your situation. The National Domestic Violence Hotline in the United States, for example, offers confidential support 24/7.

Safety Planning

Safety planning is a crucial component of leaving an abusive relationship. This involves creating a plan to ensure your safety and the safety of any dependents, such as children or pets. A safety plan may include:

Identifying a safe place to go in case of emergency.
Keeping important documents (e.g., ID, passport, financial records) in a secure location.
Develop a code word or signal to use with trusted friends or family members when you need help.
Establishing a support network of people who can provide emotional and practical assistance.
Saving money or securing access to financial resources.

Legal Protections

Understanding your legal rights and protections is essential when dealing with an abusive relationship. Laws and regulations vary by country and jurisdiction, but common legal protections may include restraining orders, custody and visitation rights for children, and financial support.

Consulting with an attorney who specializes in family law or domestic violence can provide valuable guidance on navigating the legal aspects of leaving an abusive relationship.

Therapy and Counseling

Healing from the trauma of an abusive relationship often requires professional help. Therapy and counseling can provide survivors with the tools and coping mechanisms needed to rebuild their lives and regain their self-esteem. Individual therapy, group therapy, or support groups specifically for survivors of abuse can be immensely beneficial.

Self-Care and Self-Compassion

Recovering from an abusive relationship can be a long and challenging journey. It’s crucial for women to prioritize self-care and self-compassion during this process. Taking care of your physical and mental well-being, setting boundaries, and practicing self-love are essential steps toward healing.

What is the definition of a narcissist?

A narcissist is a person who displays excessive self-centeredness, a strong sense of entitlement, and a lack of empathy for others. Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is a psychological condition that characterizes individuals with these traits to an extreme degree. While not everyone with narcissistic traits has NPD, those with the disorder typically exhibit the following key characteristics:

Grandiosity: Narcissists have an inflated sense of self-importance and a belief that they are special, unique, or superior to others.
Fantasies of Success, Power, or Beauty: They often daydream about achieving greatness, power, or physical attractiveness.
Need for Admiration: Narcissists crave constant admiration and validation from others and often seek it relentlessly.
Sense of Entitlement: They believe they are entitled to special treatment and may exploit others to achieve their goals or meet their needs.
Lack of Empathy: Narcissists struggle to recognize or understand the feelings and needs of others, leading to a lack of empathy and often insensitive behavior.
Manipulative and Exploitative Behavior: They may use others to further their own interests without regard for the other person’s well-being.
Fragile Self-Esteem: Despite their outward confidence, narcissists can have fragile self-esteem that is easily wounded by criticism or perceived slights.
Envy and Belief That Others Are Envious: Narcissists may feel jealous of others’ successes and assume that others are envious of them.

It’s important to note that narcissism exists on a spectrum, and not all individuals who exhibit narcissistic traits have NPD. Some level of narcissism is common in human behavior, and it can be healthy to have a certain amount of self-esteem and self-confidence. However, when these traits become extreme and interfere with a person’s ability to maintain healthy relationships and function in society, it may be indicative of Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

Dealing with a narcissist can be challenging, as they often have difficulty acknowledging their behavior and seeking help. If you believe you are in a relationship with a narcissist or are struggling with narcissistic tendencies yourself, seeking guidance from a mental health professional can be beneficial.

Narcissists often use manipulative tactics to control and manipulate their victims. It’s important to be aware of these tactics so that you can recognize them and seek help if you are in an abusive relationship.

Here are 20 common behaviors that narcissists and abusers may use to control their victims:

Gaslighting: They will make you doubt your own perceptions, memory, and sanity by denying things they’ve said or done.
Isolation: They may isolate you from friends and family, making you more dependent on them.
Verbal Abuse: This includes name-calling, yelling, and belittling you to undermine your self-esteem.
Silent Treatment: They may use this tactic to punish you and exert control by withholding communication.
Threats: Narcissists and abusers may threaten to harm you, themselves, or someone you care about to keep you in line.
Financial Control: They may control your finances, making you financially dependent on them.
Monitoring: They might excessively monitor your activities, including texts, calls, and social media, to keep tabs on you.
Manipulation: Using guilt, pity, or other emotions to get what they want or to make you feel responsible for their actions.
Triangulation: They may involve a third party to create jealousy or insecurity in your relationship.
Projecting Blame: They often blame you for their actions or problems, never taking responsibility themselves.
Love-Bombing: At the beginning of the relationship, they may shower you with affection and attention to gain your trust.
Demeaning Jokes: They may disguise insults as humor, making you feel like you’re too sensitive if you’re hurt.
Selective Amnesia: Narcissists might conveniently forget promises or agreements that don’t serve their interests.
Stonewalling: They refuse to communicate or cooperate, leaving you feeling powerless and frustrated.
Emotional Blackmail: Threatening to harm themselves or end the relationship if you don’t comply with their wishes.
Invasion of Privacy: They may go through your personal belongings or invade your personal space without permission.
Minimizing Your Accomplishments: They belittle your achievements to maintain a feeling of superiority.
Guilt-Tripping: They make you feel guilty for asserting your needs or boundaries.
Playing the Victim: Narcissists often play the victim to gain sympathy and manipulate your actions.
Love Withdrawal: They may withdraw affection, attention, or intimacy as a form of punishment or control.

It’s crucial to remember that if you suspect you are in an abusive relationship, seek support from friends, family, or professionals who can help you navigate the situation and find ways to ensure your safety and well-being. Leaving an abusive relationship can be challenging, so it’s important to have a support system in place.

Conclusion

Abusive relationships are a painful and unacceptable reality for far too many women. However, it’s essential to remember that there is help and support available. No one should have to endure abuse, and every woman deserves to live a life free from fear and oppression. By recognizing the signs of abuse, seeking support, and taking proactive steps to ensure safety and healing, women can break free from abusive relationships and regain control of their lives.

Although you may feel your world is crumbling down around you, you can turn the situation around.

If you live together hatch a plan either wait for the first opportunity and lock him/her out and then phone the police or if you live under his/her roof have an emergency bag available and leave at the first opportunity. Make sure you have all your important documents and valuables packed. Have some money stashed away, even if it is only for a taxi, and go to the nearest police station. From there they will guide you in the right direction.

Do try and learn all the resources that are available and we have compiled a list here! It may seem scary to start a new life from scratch but millions of people do this every single day, you are not alone. Join mentoring groups.

If the abuser is the main breadwinner, there is financial help available.

Think of this way if immigrants are housed in hotels you will not find yourself homeless.

You will breathe a sigh of relief once you make the move and start living independently without being in danger. You can start feeling happy again.

A lot of women do not leave because they have feelings for the abuser even though they know they are behaving irrationally, (remember this person will not change no matter what you do). Some women do not leave because they are too scared to start a life independently and have depended on the abuser for so long.

“Make the break before it is too late”!

“A person who abuses another does not care or love you. A person who loves you will keep you on a pedestal and will not harm you in any way. A person who loves you will be your protector, not your attacker”.

Every time he/she apologizes after you get slapped, means nothing, a leopard does not change its spots and he/she will not change, in fact, the more it goes on the more confident they become that they can do it again to control you, because you have done nothing to stop them.

Never give second chances, do not believe the sob stories that they will change. They only say this because they are vulnerable and desperate and you are removing their oxygen.

Do not let it get out of hand because your life is more important and leaving it could cost you your life.

Remember, you are not alone, and there is hope for a brighter future.

Thoughtlessness, inconsideration, and narcissism.

November 21, 2022 / Editor / 0 Comments

**Earnestness is the path of immortality (Nirvana), and thoughtlessness is the path of death. Those who are in earnest do not die, those who are thoughtless are as if dead already. Gautam, The Buddha.**

Thoughtlessness, inconsideration, and narcissism.

I start today with an example of a person (my neighbor) that showed narcissistic traits, not to me may I add but to a ‘Tesco Delivery Driver’ that came to deliver my shopping.

I was in the middle of a business call when my delivery arrived and my daughter came to meet and greet the female driver. The driver was very young (18 to be exact) and happened to say her age and brief bio to my daughter after the incident.

There is a reason for me to point out the gender, bear with me…

My argument would have been would my neighbor have had the balls to come out and rant to a man if they were older than this girl? This was a show of intimidation and disrespect. This was to show that he seems to think he has some authority and looks down at people whilst in the next breath is two-faced and nice to you when it suits him. Ironically he has two daughters both in their twenties and early thirties and this girl is someone’s daughter.

Basically, what had happened the driver pulled up close to my neighbor’s car, (not a supercar but an old saloon banger) and he came out of his house ranting that the van was too close to his car. The van would have been offloading no more than 10 minutes if that but he was having none of it, the van was too close for his comfort. Anyway, he then called the driver a “Stupid B#tch”. The young girl after he had gone burst into tears and said under normal circumstances she may have dismissed the rudeness but the fact she heard that her Grandmother had died as she started her shift her emotions got the better of her.

“You do not know what is going on in a person’s life, so be careful what you say”!

Bearing in mind that this very neighbor was an employee of Tescos and so was his daughter, makes me wonder how he got the job when he speaks to people in this way. It’s a pity that I was not there to see and hear what went on as I would have put in my ten penneth.

My daughter immediately relayed what had happened.

Being a self-centered narcissist will eventually catch up with you.

Forgiveness!

As I keep telling everyone and anyone that listens if you find it in your heart to forgive God or a high Power (The Universe) will forgive you and will punish the person that has done you wrong.

Name-Calling!

**I am going to change my name to Morticia Addams** **– The Addams Family!**

Name-calling is my neighbor’s speciality, I can totally believe what has happened, as it is not the first time I have heard this same person name-calling and stating that the house I reside in looks like the Addams Family home. I rent one of the apartments and it is not my responsibility to take care of the exterior. Although he could be referring to us on a more personal note. 🤣😂

Name-calling, being spiteful, and being unkind is wrong on so many levels. You do not know what someone is going through when you open your mouth. It can actually affect someone’s mental health if you do not put your brain in gear before putting your mouth in motion. I am trusting God or the Universe to punish him seeing as I have let it go and have forgiven him.

Wouldn’t it be cool if I could buy the property I live in and see their mortified faces that I am here to stay? They would no longer be able to report me to my landlord, and not being picked on would be one for the books. Imagine parking my brand spanking new 4×4 Porsche Carerra or my GMC Hummer SUV and then telling him that he has parked too close. 🤣😂.

If you have positive thoughts, you can manifest anything, as it says in the bible “Matthew 13:12 Whoever has will be given more, and he will have an abundance. Whoever does not have, even what he has will be taken away from him.”. Meaning if you think negatively only negative things will continuously come into your life, but if you think positively and imagine you already have what you want it will one day manifest itself but you have to believe.

Why People Do Not Care.

People only care if they are directly affected by something or someone. They only care about themselves and their close network of friends and family. Yes you see activists rebelling for the sake of the world, yet you have world leaders b#mbing and k#lling innocent people. You have poverty, famine, homelessness (not every homeless person is a crackhead), and third-world countries. People do not care.

In fact whilst I was in an abusive relationship instead of this neighbor calling the Police, where I could have been saved from a beating when he heard a commotion, reported me to the landlord. This just shows that people simply do not care other than about themselves and their family and friends, but that is it.

My neighbor will one day realize without me mentioning his name that he has done wrong when I publish my book.

My neighbor is the type of person that will chat 💩 about you to my landlord and the community and people would believe it. So I hear you say if I am so unhappy where I live, why don’t I move, well the answer is simple I will when the time is right, or I could just stay put and buy the house as an investment and rattle my neighbors even more.

Why People Do Not Care.

Social Disconnection.

It really rattles me when people are not kind and considerate and put some thought into what they say before opening their mouths. No wonder I have social disconnection issues.

Social Disconnection a Personal Perspective.

#mentalhealth #emotions #thoughlessness #narcissism #narcisistic #bullying #empathy #lackofempathy #caring #nastyneighbours

Renata’s Online Journal 11/05/22

May 12, 2022 / Editor

Renata’s Online Journal.

My Online Journal is my safe space where I can share my stories and vent. I do not always write negatively but of late I have noticed blue-chip corporations treating people badly so not only is this my online therapy it also is a voice for people who cannot or do not know how to stand up for themselves.

Dear Diary,

I have not made an entry here for a while and yesterday was the ideal time to do some journaling and spill the beans.

The morning started out with me phoning all my insurance providers as I had deleted some direct debits in error. I suffer from cognitive impairment caused by cerebellum atrophy and sometimes muddle my words up. The words can be very overwhelming for me at times. Being stressed does not help and where I should have canceled one insurance policy, I actually canceled three. As it turns out the other two direct debits were obsolete, but still having to phone all nine companies was challenging.

The other problem I have is dreading talking over the phone so when I tried to rectify the problem via email I was point-blank declined and was told to call. The calling is not so bad but it listening to the prompts Press #1 for what you had for breakfast Press #2 for what you had for lunch and #Press #3 just to annoy you more (just kidding) although I have been subjected to up to 4 minutes of this from various companies before the annoying music starts playing. God forbid if your call drops and you have to start all the BS all over again.

Insurers do not make it easy, so although you may take out insurance by a said insurer the underwriters a separate company collect payment. So there could be the same underwriter for multiple insurers which can make it difficult when trying to find out who is who. I have done a spreadsheet so that I do not get caught out again, but by the 9th insurer I had enough, yet my day was only starting.

I then got an email from British Gas that they needed me to phone them to set up a direct debit. I have anxiety about talking over the phone to people. The term used is Telephobia, but I bit the bullet and phoned them. I got to speak to someone who at first came across as slightly condescending when she thought I was unemployed with mental disabilities, (people confuse mental disabilities with stupidity on the contrary Albert Einstien, Nikola Tesla, and Charles Darwin to name a few all had mental disabilities (OCD – Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) ) so it was a shock to her when I mentioned this site. She then changed her tune and was more understanding and helpful going as far as giving me some links and recommending that I contact some of the links she had provided.

What rattled me was, that I was paying £65 at the beginning of the year then it went up to £90, and yesterday she wanted £138 per month. I was told I use more gas than the average household. The way I see it regardless if I did not use any gas at all, I still would have to pay for the service. I am not going to reduce the quality of my life and sit at home freezing cold. or only cook once a week. If a person is struggling to pay £90 then how the hell are they supposed to find the money to pay £138?

“A little bit of maths and common sense would not go a miss“.

“What are people supposed to do, do they have to rob banks or starve”?

Our PM is allegedly dragging his heels at helping the UK with the rise in the cost of living yet he is quick to give support to Sweden and Finland. Yet coming from a privileged upbringing he has never had any worries about where his next paycheck is going to come from or about putting food on the table. Living in a home that was decorated from private donations and wallpaper at £840 per roll he will never understand how the other half lives. His wallpaper is ugly just saying and I would not pay £1 per roll let alone £840.

https://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/politics/boris-johnson-wallpaper-flat-refurb-b1850209.html

Someone on LinkedIn commented “that charity starts a home”, but what she failed to comprehend was the support in the event of a military attack on these countries will be money in BJs / Chancellor of the Exchequers Pockets so to speak. W#ar is big business at the expense of the people. How do you accumulate wealth if you do not lend money or charge interest on the money you lend out? This is how the money system works. If you lone out jets, sell ballistic and nuclear missiles you have to get paid and it’s one big game of the winner takes it all.

I do not support the funding of the lavish lifestyles of the 1% that think they own us and rob us blind. I never agreed to slave away, did you?

No one owns me. I have a voice and I am not afraid to use it!

I am a spiritual being in a physical body and we are here for a reason and it is to teach others, empower and motivate and not steal, abuse, or kill, we are supposed to be intelligent human beings, not animals.

We should be able to distinguish right from wrong and if the likes of P#tin who orders the mass killings then he is no better than something that has just crawled out of a sewer. These people are vermin.

In fact, any person in power that has done wrong should be punished the same way as a member of the public and should also be kicked out of office, I refer to certain politicians, that got a slap on the wrist and fines, for their publicized antics.

There is a Scottish MP trending at the moment that allegedly had £25 Million in Funding For PPE that supposedly ended up being used due to it not being of high quality and was returned. This MP is now being investigated.

Just imagine if this was the average entrepreneur that had done this, they would be facing a custodial sentence for fraud, but I guess if you own 6 houses (one in Belgravia in London) you have enough money to pay for a jail-free card on the monopoly board.

I spoke about a previous post about why people do not care and the customer representative said that people do care and that she cared (no they don’t unless it directly affects them). She then asked if could she help me with anything else and I said “Help me bring in more clients”, the call then ended without any feedback on my remark…I rest my case!

Reference the money she expected me to agree to I said I will pay, but will not be able to eat and the CEO of British Gas would certainly not have a problem bringing food to the table whilst I will and this is where she started to be sympathetic.

Frustration

I got my frustration out, if nothing else, and told her she was professional and had a calming voice, I just did not mention the fact she made me feel bad at the beginning of the conversation as what would have been the point. I felt had I not mentioned I am self-employed the conversation would have been slightly different.

If you have watched the video “The Hidden Secrets Of Money” By Mike Maloney”, you will start to realize this is one big game of monopoly with the Blue Chip Companies at the top of the food chain STEALING our prosperity.

“The is a Great Reset Looming on the Horizon”.

Do you think it is by chance this P#tin W#ar has broken out or is it something to do with the deficit spending and all the price rises? Have you forgotten about Brexit and how much money the UK is in debt by and how much money they have to pay back, never mind the trade w#ar in China and the USA? Putting the jigsaw pieces together can you not see a picture emerging?

These blue-chip companies get a 6% commission for our sweat, labor, and hardship. Do you think that the dictator started the w#ar himself or was it pre-arranged at the round table, by a selected few?

People at the top of the food chain seem to think they own and control you and in a way they do.

An example of a battery in the matrix was Virgin Media which I have for months had an ongoing dispute again I have communicated by email and have told them not to phone me and what do they do? they only phone even though I specifically requested not to. What was interesting though my phone was on “do not disturb” but they managed to get through and the phone rang. I re-iterated how much emotional distress they put me through and I am still no closer to a resolution as the email I was promised I would have, never materialized.

So you can imagine the poor sod on the other end of the line receiving my wrath and me saying “if you read my email do you not understand English”, his reply was he was ordered by someone above him to phone me and my final reply was that he obviously did not have the balls to stand up to the person. Most people are afraid of speaking up in the workplace for fear of being fired. People go to work like sheep to get their paychecks the majority do not go to work because they love the company that employs them they are solely there to do a job and get paid. They are human robots being told what to do. Their “VOICE” in the metaphorical sense of the word is taken away, they are slaves to the employer for the hours they work.

Anxiety & Panic Attack.

The day continued with my brother telling me that he is coming over to the UK at Christmas. Under normal circumstances, I should be ecstatic but I am having a panic attack simply thinking about it.

I have not left my home for three years due to social disconnection and OCD, actually, tell a lie I went out once to meet him last year for the day and I felt so ill after that but he was oblivious to my disability. He told me that I have to arrange my schedule and my work around him. He told me we will be talking this weekend coming.

Notice how my disability and my work are of no significance to him and I have to just get over myself.

The icing on the cake was the final straw that broke the camel’s back so to speak with my neighbor announcing she is moving within the month. she without a doubt had to be the nicest neighbor I have ever had, she was always kind, and caring and never did me wrong. I will miss her.

I do believe nothing standstills and when one door closes another one opens so although I felt very depressed yesterday with low self-esteem. That was yesterday though and your mood can change if you stay occupied and not dwell on what is bothering you. I am hopeful about tomorrow and about brighter things to come. I am fortunate I have an online journal to vent my anger which I can share with whoever wants to read my challenges. I did come across a website called (www.storiboard.co.uk) not mine may I add but a portal to share your stories.

Telling Your Story.

Anyone reading this who wants a platform to share their stories is more than welcome to subscribe here and I will make you a contributor or will manually upload your stories for you. It won’t cost you a penny only your time, it is completely free.

Domestic Violence.

I have gone through a lot over the last two decades (I won’t go into it all here but I am a ‘survivor of domestic violence‘ and this is what drives me to tell my story) I won’t say I am strong all the time. I have good days and bad days and yesterday was a bad day for me but I know I will get over it. I am still standing and I won’t let anyone break me, sure they can try but when they knock me down and I get back up again so help me God.

I will be writing my biography soon and I will be calling out all the people that have done me wrong. Don’t misunderstand me, I am not awkward or vengeful, I just think some people deserve their five minutes of fame.

Superiority.

No one on this planet is better than you, we all do the same things, we eat, sleep, and go to the bathroom, and we all cannot survive without water or air. We all have red blood and if Adam and Eve were the first people, then their children would have been inbred so we are all brothers and sisters. The world is an evil place with evil people living in it trying to suck the last ounce of happiness out of you. They should be very worried about what happens to them after they die. Just because some use 24kt Gold WCs does not make them any better than you. We all have the right to live on this planet in harmony and without having to worry about where the next paycheck is going to come from and if we can put food on the table. No one should fear for their lives or be killed for some political agenda. No one should lose their life for the sake of debt ceilings and deficit spending.

Invisible Disability.

I have an invisible disability and I expect to be acknowledged as a human being and not be judged, I expect people to give me the respect I deserve. I do not need anyone giving me advice, or being patronizing, after all when it comes to mental health I specialize in the subject hence why I built this site.

Never assume anything with me without asking me first.

I know if my finances improved so would my mental health. My cerebellum atrophy is incurable but with new drugs coming on the market, anything is possible. I am staying positive; hopefully, someone reading this will invest in me.

One day soon you will learn what one particular “evil animal” did to me and how I am recovering.

I have audio recordings of all the death threats he made to me.

He is no longer residing in the UK, he left last December for Germany however within a month of him starting work he was fired due to an altercation with a woman at his place of work, why does that not surprise me?

Unfortunately, because he does not speak fluent English he was unable to set up an email address so I did it for him and forwarded all his emails to me for translation purposes with his consent, however, I have no access to his settings anymore, and cannot un-forward myself hence I get his emails and all the antics he is getting up to.

I use Outlook and have blocked his email but people sending emails to him still come into my inbox. I have started marking them as spam as I have no other way of stopping any communication.

Remember not all that glitters is gold and that was my mistake and I have learned the hard way.

One day I will rise from the ashes and tell my full story.

Staying Positive.

Tomorrow is another day and I aim for a brighter future!

If you found this article insightful, please take a moment to share, comment, and subscribe. Also before you go, please also consider donating the equivalent of a cup of coffee to help keep this “Disability UK” Online Journal going.

Donation — **£3.00 For A Cup Of Coffee!**

#anxiety #stress #depression #lowselfesteem #mentalhealth #mentalhealthdisabilities #Centrica #JanaSiber

Trapped in a Domestic Violent Relationship.

October 5, 2021 / Editor / 1 Comment

Trapped in a Domestic Violent Relationship.

In light of the young woman “Gabby Petito” who was murdered in Florida most recently, the story has hit home and has opened up so many bad memories for me.

At the time of this article, being published there is a manhunt going on for her fiance “Brian Laundrie”.

Watching the video of the patrol officers when both the young woman and her fiance were first pulled over, I could relate to some of what was happening at the time.

Gabby was being very overprotective, not only for herself, but she also did not want Brian to get into trouble so she took the blame. She wanted to defuse the situation so that her partner would not be angrier once the authorities had gone.

She also blamed her OCD. (Yes I can relate to this also however if I was talking to someone to get them off my back I would use the OCD excuse).

By coincidence, I suffer from OCD and I know how frustrating this is to someone who does not suffer from it.

I used to be called “CRAZY” by someone I thought I trusted, even as I speak to today there is a stigma attached to people with mental health issues. I was told multiple times by the person who tried to control me that I needed to be locked up in a lunatic asylum. This could have been a trigger to start an argument for Gabby and Brian, as my OCD got me into a lot of arguments myself.

So it is no surprise that a recent conversation I had with someone I have known for 40 years who learned I had OCD never bothered to ring me back after he said he would.

The problem is I do not give people second chances anymore, I used to, but my mindset has changed. If someone does me wrong that is it, I will not have anything more to do with them.

If people assume that disabilities especially mental health ones are labeled as “crazy”, I have news for you being anxious, depressed, and having panic attacks are also mental health issues, so we all have an element of craziness in us.

For me at the time of my physical and mental abuse, I had lost my brother to a drowning accident and felt my life was falling apart. I believed that the person I had turned to for solace, whom I trusted would protect me from harm ended up the person who nearly cost my life.

When I first met my ex-partner in 2009 I should have gone with my gut feeling as I did not like him at first. I remembered my brother’s words shortly before his passing that I should start dating. I had been divorced for nine years and did not need anyone in my life up until that point when my parents passed away and then my brother.

My ex had heard I had come into a large inheritance and my naivety prevailed as I thought he was in pursuit of me, not my money (I was very naive and stupid), so in January 2010 we started dating.

Everything seemed fine until I heard in February 2010 my brother was involved in a freak accident in Ecuador where he sadly lost his life.

I needed my ex more than ever to help me stay sane. I did start to have feelings for him (I cared for him but was not in love, more like lust) and found when he started to show his true colours approximately four months later after my brother had passed away, whilst we were visiting my family in Poland for a wedding, I should have seen all the warning signs with his vulgarity and disrespect to me and left him there and then, but I didn’t.

On the way back to the UK he was just rude and vulgar but not physically abusive. It would be approximately a year later that he physically attacked me.

This is when my whole world turned truly upside down. I felt I was in the middle of the eye of a tornado where not only did he physically assault me, I then had the authorities putting pressure on me to have him charged. I felt my whole world falling apart and I could not cope with the anguish and the stress.

Similar to what this young woman was going through in the video I tried to defend him and say it was my fault that things got out of hand, so as not to cause further anger or cause a rift between us.

I believed then (not now), that people are not born evil and thought once the dust settled I could reason with him and get him the help and therapy he needed without getting him into trouble with the authorities. That was a stupid naive mistake I made as one can inherit narcissistic traits.

“You cannot change a person that does not want to change”.

This did not turn out well or go in my favour when I refused to press charges. I then became a target and was treated like a criminal for harbouring a would-be criminal in the eyes of the law and the authorities turned against me and threatened to take away my child.

I was in the middle of a storm and had no one to turn to. I did not trust anyone and I felt very alone. I was scared how would I cope with being on my own even though it did not dawn on me I was actually alone for nine years prior to meeting my ex, so why did being alone actually matter?

I was obviously not thinking straight. Just like “Gabby” I was afraid to lose the person I hoped to settle down with. It did not matter how many people advised me or how many people tried to keep us apart I had one goal and that was to make amends and start over, forgive and forget.

Needless to say, my ex did get charged by the Police and ended up going on remand for a week in jail but because I refused to give evidence the charges got dropped for lack of them.

I was now an enemy of the state.

Had the Police not got involved in the first place there could have been a totally different outcome and I could have easily been maimed for life or ended up dead. However, after he was released from custody his behaviour only got worse over time.

I was advised to move or go to a women’s shelter which I point blank refused. I thought why should I go on the run, move home and my business because of him. I had a woman’s shelter person insist on making them my friend and again, I did not want anything to do with strangers I just wanted to sort out the mess all by myself.

I ended with a police marker on my property and that if I was ever to call the Police or anyone else called the police, they would have blue lights blazing or so I thought.

It was hard to gain my ex’s trust after that and his anger only festered even more as he blamed me for getting the police involved even though he drew the first sword so to speak. He was in complete denial that he had done anything wrong.

From then on I was the target of verbal abuse on a constant basis and he was careful most of the time that there were no witnesses to his behaviour especially my daughter who he did not trust either as both my daughter and I were two peas from the same pod. However, there were a couple of occasions once on a busy high street where I was walking back from a Garage whilst my daughter was in school where he poured a can of beer over my head on busy high street causing the hairdressers to run out of the shop to comfort me and another time in Poland where he punched me whilst he was driving the car with his elderly aunt in the back. Other than that he did everything when there was no one around.

There were a lot of incidents that stuck in my mind and as I write this article I am still not ready to tell the world what exactly happened and what he did to me.

It is still very mentally painful for me to recall everything and I have tried to suppress my mental wounds and memories knowing in time I will heal. I hope one day to tell my story to help women just like Gabby.

It is more common than people think especially in Poland as an example and by coincidence another wife-beater whose wife I happened to help about two and half years ago in a similar situation to mine only messaged me the other day to help him.

These men are delusional and considering he knows my ex-partner and what he did to me as he listened to the audio recordings I have, you would think considering he too was in a similar situation not so long ago himself, he would not be so naive to think I would help him.

Polish people stick together in communities especially in a foreign land and because English is my native tongue but I am bi-lingual that is why Poles come to me for help.

I told him I was busy for the next few months with work and told him to contact someone else. I have no intention of helping someone that beats women one day and acts like nothing happened the next.

I know none of what has happened to me was my fault. It was my ex’s insecurities that made him the way he was, not to mention that it is part of the culture in rural areas of Poland where the men go to work grafting in fields all day whilst the women are supposed to keep a tidy home, have their dinners ready and oblige to every whim.

Furthermore, the abuse is passed from generation to generation especially considering that some men drink excessively to the point they are paralytic and that is when the demons come out. Although my ex was very much sober when he was physically and mentally abusive towards me and was more subdued when he was drunk, these are the characteristics of a narcissist, a dangerous, psychotic person.

Looking back at my ex, his mother admitted she was physically and mentally abusive to her crippled wheelchair-bound husband when my ex was a toddler. So from a young age growing up, he started to have a hatred towards women and I witnessed how he pushed his elderly mother’s frail body nearly causing her to fall. I also heard his vulgarity towards his own mother who walked out of the room so as not to show him that his words hurt her and that she was crying. He never apologized when she returned just stared at her giving her dirty looks.

The last straw that broke the camel’s back for me was when I decided to put a stop to his abuse once and for all. He dislocated my knee and that was it there was no turning back. I had already collected enough evidence previously and had started to hate him (there is a thin line between love and hate). Any feelings I had for him had long gone.

I then came up with a plan, I could see that he was getting, even more, angrier with me and that there was no reasoning with him so I started to collect evidence and recorded him secretly.

Over time I managed to collect enough evidence that he would be facing jail for a very long time and with this evidence which I presented to him I gave him an ultimatum to leave me alone once and for all and to payback for all the damages otherwise, I would go to the Police. I made multiple copies of the evidence I had and told him should anything ever happen to my daughter or me, the police would go looking for him.

He knows that if he fails to pay me for everything he has broken or tries to come near me he will have the Police knocking on his door.

Yes he caused me harm and I do have memories but I can safely say I was lucky to have got away from him for good.

I have blocked him on all social media and unfriended all his friends, family, and associates. The less he knows about me the better.

Am I still concerned he may carry out his threats, perhaps if I provoked him, that is why I remain to stay civil until I am ready to disassociate myself for good?

Moving is my final goal. My businesses are online with no physical addresses so I have no worries there. There will be a time when I sever all ties with him when I am good and ready.

My circumstances and the threats he made I will not divulge until I am ready to tell the world, hence I have CCTV outside my property, had the locks changed, and am very vigilant.

I do not go out because of my mental and physical health which some of it was caused by my ex.

Recovery.

I have a long road to recovery and where someone asked me the other day am I in a relationship, even though I had told this person previously many months prior about my ex, this individual was oblivious to the fact that my ex has caused considerable mental and physical damage, so why on God’s earth would I ever want to get involved with anyone ever again?

I have in my lifetime witnessed my father slap my mother, my cousin being dragged by her hair by her husband. Have had my own personal experiences and have had been made aware of domestic violence in the Polish Community in the City I live in.

Abuse majority of the time is behind closed doors. People are either too afraid to get help, are too embarrassed, or simply do not know how to end the nightmare they live in.

Some people believe they can change a person (I was one of them), but in reality, you cannot change a person unless they are willing to accept your help and are willing to change.

Sometimes an assault can happen when you least expect it.

If you are in imminent danger try to get away. Sometimes talking calmly and showing you are not afraid can help to defuse the situation and then when you are confident you can leave without getting harmed leave at the first opportunity.

If you are in a situation where this happens often and you have not found the courage to leave or report the crime, secretly record the abusive behaviour. You do not have to have catalouges of episodes, one incident is enough, and then make a secret plan on the first opportunity to leave and not return. Try to have an escape plan. (In my case he was a visitor in my home so it was hard to get him to leave).

I actually did reach out to my dead brother’s girlfriend to hide and she turned her back on me.

Things you should.

At the first opportunity go to the police, especailly if you have children or are in imminent danger.
Prior to fleeing delete all of the abusers friends, family and associates off all social media accounts and block them. (Tell your partner your account was taken down by social media for sharing something that goes against their policies, not that you closed it as that will make the abuser angry).
Give all the people you know nicknames and change their real names to the nicknames on your phone should the abuser insist on going through your phone to see who you phoned last or who had phoned you.
Change your passwords on everything.
Arrange to stay with someone that is not the obvious person on the list your abuser will go and visit.
Let all the people you know in your network, your friends, family they have nicknames and that if they get an unknown call from the abuser to not identify themselves. The only risk is ther abuser may recognise their voice.
Save some money put a few pounds/dollars aside each week so that when you are ready to flee you are able to do so without any monetary difficulty.
Keep all your important documents together, passport, driving licence etc so that you have no worries they will get destroyed by the abuser and you have them to hand in an emergency.
Have a bag packed ready to go. (Make sure your abuser does not clock on what you are up to. Do not make it a suitcase more a like a large handbag, small holdall or backpack)
Be careful who you talk to and trust.
Cover your tracks.
Invest in another phone with another number so that if your abuser uses his acquaintances to phone you it will be more difficult to track you down.
Keep your accounts private on social media and do not accept anyone you do not know as a connection, as your abuser could easily set up a fake account just to trap you or get an unknown friend to spy on you.
Do not be ashamed of your situation, many women and men are going through domestic violent relationships right now as we speak. Tell your neighbours to be aware of loud noises or raised voices.
Do not try to fight or retaliate in a volitile situation, instead try to stay calm and quiet to try and defuse the situation and once the coast is clear and the situation has calmed down make an excuse that you will go up the road to buy a bottle of wine or some beer giving you the opportunity to leave in a safe manner. Say it is a peace offering to start over. Do not try sneaking out as that will relight a smouldering flame.

They say an apple does not fall far from the tree and knowing I had a police marker on my property when a boy threatened my daughter a couple of years later I phoned the police. After 10 minutes of no sounds of sirens in the far distance and no police to my daughter’s rescue, I phoned again and the operator turned around and I quote “we are sitting at the end of your street waiting for you to phone us”. Imagine the seriousness of the call every second mattered so if my daughter and I were in imminent danger I do not believe the police would be in any hurry blasting their sirens to rescue us. Like I said before, I think I am now an enemy of the state because I did not press charges.

Going back to “Brain Laundrie”, this is only my opinion, he is most probably very scared and insecure and I believe and this is something my ex’s mother said to me all those years ago, if I were to press charges and, my ex was going to face jail, he would most probably kill himself and she would blame me. It is a vicious circle that I believe started with her narcissism towards her husband in front of her child who turned out to be a narcissist.

As for the whole “Brian Laundrie” case, I am sitting on the fence just like the rest of the world but if my child had killed their partner or was in serious trouble with the authorities I would try to persuade them to turn themselves in. I certainly would not go on a camping trip as a family and I would try and give all my support to the person’s family of the child that was murdered. There are too many unanswered questions and I do hope they find Brian alive so that this can bring closure to Gabby’s family.

What is the worst that can happen for Brian apart from the freeboard and lodgings he will indefinitely have if he is sent to jail if it was accidental or manslaughter? If on the other hand, it was first-degree murder then that constitutes the death penalty in Florida, but even then I would try to rehabilitate myself and help mentor other people with narcissistic problems before I met my maker.

There is a lot of outcry because of so many other missing persons in the USA and the rest of the world but the focus is on one person to be found preferably alive to be made an example of.

The way I see it, Gabby would not have died in vain and instead become a symbol and sacrifice for women all over the world to get out of abusive relationships before they meet the same fate as Gabby.

Gabby should be made a Saint by the Vatican.

More needs to be done to spread awareness of the dangers of abusive relationships.

“My condolences to Gabby’s family and thoughts and prayers at this most difficult time”.

#domesticviolence #narcissist #narcissism #physicalabuse #mentalabuse #violence #bullying #disrespect #humiliation #gaslighting #controlling #bully #bullying #spitting #hitting #slapping #verbalabuse#vulgarity #intimidating #intimidation

Incel Culture Mental Health Problem

Unveiling Incel Culture: Understanding its Origins, Dynamics, and Impact

The Genesis of Incel Culture

Ideological Underpinnings

Online Echo Chambers

The Real-world Consequences

Addressing the Root Causes

Unraveling the Complex Relationship: Is Incel Culture a Mental Health Problem?

Understanding Mental Health and Incel Culture

Individual Perspectives: Mental Health Challenges within the Incel Community

Societal Factors: The Intersection of Culture and Mental Health

The Need for a Comprehensive Approach

Incel & Narcisism

Entitlement and Grandiosity

External Validation and Rejection Sensitivity

Objectification and Devaluation of Others

Victim Mentality and Externalization of Blame

Corporate Bullying, Incel Culture and Disability Discrimination in the Workplace

Conclusion

Consequences Of Humiliating Someone In Public

The Ripple Effect of Public Humiliation: Consequences That Extend Beyond the Moment

What should you do if you have been publicly humiliated by someone of authority?

Experiencing public humiliation, especially from someone in authority, can be incredibly distressing.

Human Rights Law and the Protection Against Humiliation

Understanding Humiliation in the Context of Human Rights

International Instruments Safeguarding Against Humiliation

State Responsibilities and Accountability

Challenges in Addressing Humiliation

The repercussions on mental health

The consequences of a person of authority not apologizing if the person they publicly humiliate, and the consequences of an investigation

Further Reading

Conclusion:

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Abusive Relationships – What Women Should Do

Abusive Relationships – What Women Should Do

Abusive Relationships – Empowering Women to Take Control

Recognize the Signs

Seek Support

Safety Planning

Legal Protections

Therapy and Counseling

Self-Care and Self-Compassion

What is the definition of a narcissist?

Here are 20 common behaviors that narcissists and abusers may use to control their victims:

Conclusion

“Make the break before it is too late”!

“A person who abuses another does not care or love you. A person who loves you will keep you on a pedestal and will not harm you in any way. A person who loves you will be your protector, not your attacker”.

Further Reading

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Thoughtlessness, inconsideration, and narcissism.

Thoughtlessness, inconsideration, and narcissism.

“You do not know what is going on in a person’s life, so be careful what you say”!

Forgiveness!

Name-Calling!

Why People Do Not Care.

Social Disconnection.

Renata’s Online Journal 11/05/22

Renata’s Online Journal.

Frustration

Anxiety & Panic Attack.

Telling Your Story.

Domestic Violence.

Superiority.

Invisible Disability.

Trapped in a Domestic Violent Relationship.

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