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Category: Cerebellar Atrophy

Cerebellar degeneration is a condition in which cerebellar cells, otherwise known as neurons, become damaged and progressively weaken in the cerebellum. There are two types of cerebellar degeneration; paraneoplastic cerebellar degeneration, and alcoholic or nutritional cerebellar degeneration.

Cerebellar atrophy is one of the diagnostic features in PEHO syndrome (progressive encephalopathy with edema, hypsarrhythmia, and optic atrophy) and usually appears in the second year of life.

Conclusions: Altered functional connectivity between the cerebellum and cerebral networks involved in cognitive-affective processing in patients with OCD provides further evidence for the involvement of the cerebellum in the pathophysiology of OCD, and is consistent with impairment in executive control and emotion

Cerebellar atrophy is more extensive in patients with secondary progressive MS and those with longer disease duration when compared with people who have relapsing-remitting (RR) MS and/or shorter disease duration, and cerebellar atrophy has been shown to correlate with clinical measures of disability.

Renata’s Online Journal 11/05/22

Keep your business moving forward

Renata’s Online Journal.

My Online Journal is my safe space where I can share my stories and vent. I do not always write negatively but of late I have noticed blue-chip corporations treating people badly so not only is this my online therapy it also is a voice for people who cannot or do not know how to stand up for themselves.

Dear Diary,

I have not made an entry here for a while and yesterday was the ideal time to do some journaling and spill the beans.

The morning started out with me phoning all my insurance providers as I had deleted some direct debits in error. I suffer from cognitive impairment caused by cerebellum atrophy and sometimes muddle my words up. The words can be very overwhelming for me at times. Being stressed does not help and where I should have canceled one insurance policy, I actually canceled three. As it turns out the other two direct debits were obsolete, but still having to phone all nine companies was challenging.

The other problem I have is dreading talking over the phone so when I tried to rectify the problem via email I was point-blank declined and was told to call. The calling is not so bad but it listening to the prompts Press #1 for what you had for breakfast Press #2 what you had for lunch and #Press #3 just to annoy you more (just kidding) although I have been subjected to up to 4 minutes of this from various companies before the annoying music starts playing. God forbid if your call drops and you have to start all the BS all over again.

Insurers do not make it easy, so although you may take out insurance by a said insurer the underwriters a separate company collect payment. So there could be the same underwriter for multiple insurers which can make it difficult when trying to find out who is who. I have done a spreadsheet so that I do not get caught out again, but by the 9th insurer I had enough, yet my day was only starting.

I then got an email from British Gas that they needed me to phone them to set up a direct debit. I have anxiety about talking over the phone to people. The term used is Telephobia, but I bit the bullet and phoned them. I got to speak to someone who at first came across as slightly condescending when she thought I was unemployed with mental disabilities, (people confuse mental disabilities with stupidity on the contrary Albert Einstien, Nikola Tesla, and Charles Darwin to name a few all had mental disabilities (OCD – Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) ) so it was a shock to her when I mentioned this site. She then changed her tune and was more understanding and helpful going as far as giving me some links and recommending that I contact some of the links she had provided.

What rattled me was, that I was paying £65 at the beginning of the year then it went up to £90, and yesterday she wanted £138 per month. I was told I use more gas than the average household. The way I see it regardless if I did not use any gas at all, I still would have to pay for the service. I am not going to reduce the quality of my life and sit at home freezing cold. or only cook once a week. If a person is struggling to pay £90 then how the hell are they supposed to find the money to pay £138?

A little bit of maths and common sense would not go a miss.

“What are people supposed to do, do they have to rob banks or starve”?

Our PM is allegedly dragging his heels at helping the UK with the rise in the cost of living yet he is quick to give support to Sweden and Finland. Yet coming from a privedged upbringing he has never had any worries about where his next paycheck is going to come from or about putting food on the table. Living in a home that was decorated from private donations and wallpaper at £840 per roll he will never understand how the other half lives. His wallpaper is ugly just saying and I would not pay £1 per roll let alone £840.

https://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/politics/boris-johnson-wallpaper-flat-refurb-b1850209.html

Someone on LinkedIn commented “that charity starts a home”, but what she failed to comprehend was the support in the event of a military attack on these countries will be money in BJs / Chancellor of the Exchequers Pockets so to speak. W#ar is big business at the expense of the people. How do you accumulate wealth if you do not lend money or charge interest on the money you lend out? This is how the money system works. If you lone out jets, sell ballistic and nuclear missiles you have to get paid and its one big game of the winner takes it all.

I do not support the funding of the lavish lifestyles of the 1% that think they own us and rob us blind. I never agreed to slaving away, did you?

No one owns me. I have a voice and I am not afraid to use it!

I am a spiritual being in a physical body and we are here for a reason and it is to teach others, empower and motivate and not steal, abuse, or kill, we are supposed to be intelligent human beings, not animals.

We should be able to distinguish right from wrong and if the likes of P#tin who orders the mass killings then he is no better than something that has just crawled out of a sewer. These people are vermin.

In fact, any person in power that has done wrong should be punished the same way as a member of public and should also be kicked out of office, I refer to certain politicians, that got a slap on the wrist and fines, for their publicised antics.

There is a Scottish MP trending at the moment that allegedly had £25 Million in Funding For PPE that supposedly ended up being used due to it not being of high quality and was returned. This MP is now being investigated.

Just imagine if this was the average entrepreneur that had done this, they would be facing a custodial sentence for fraud, but I guess if you own 6 houses (one in Belgravia in London) you have enough money to pay for a jail-free card on the monopoly board.

I spoke about a previous post about why people do not care and the customer representative said that people do care and that she cared (no they don’t unless it directly affects them). She then asked could she help me with anything else and I said “help me bring in more clients”, the call then ended without any feedback on my remark…I rest my case!

Reference the money she expected me to agree to I said I will pay, but will not be able to eat and the CEO of British Gas will certainly not have a problem bringing food to the table whilst I will and this is where she started to be sympathetic.

Frustration

I got my frustration out, if nothing else, and told her she was professional and had a calming voice, I just did not mention the fact she made me feel bad at the beginning of the conversation as what would have been the point. I felt had I not mentioned I am self-employed the conversation would have been slightly different.

If you have watched the video “The Hidden Secrets Of Money” By Mike Maloney”, you will start to realize this is one big game of monopoly with the Blue Chip Companies at the top of the food chain STEALING our prosperity.

“The is a Great Reset Looming on the Horizon”.

Do you think it is by chance this P#tin W#ar has broken out or is it something to do with the deficit spending and all the price rises? Have you forgotten about Brexit and how much money UK is in debt by and how much money they have to pay back, never mind the trade w#ar in China and the USA. Putting the jigsaw pieces together can you not see a picture emerging?

These blue-chip companies get a 6% commission for our sweat, labor, and hardship. Do you think that the dictator started the w#ar himself or was it pre-arranged at the round table, by a selected few?

People at the top of the food chain seem to think they own and control you and in a way they do.

An example of a battery in the matrix was Virgin Media which I have for months had an ongoing dispute again I have communicated by email and have told them not to phone me and what do they do? they only phone even though I specifically requested not to. What was interesting though my phone was on “do not disturb” but they managed to get through and the phone rang. I re-iterated how much emotional distress they put me through and I am still no closer to a resolution as the email I was promised I would have, never materialized.

So you can imagine the poor sod on the other end of the line receiving my wrath and me saying “if you read my email do you not understand English”, his reply was he was ordered by someone above him to phone me and my final reply was that he obviously did not have the balls to stand up to the person. Most people are afraid of speaking up in the workplace for the fear of being fired. People go to work like sheep to get their paychecks the majority do not go to work because they love the company that employs them they are solely there to do a job and get paid. They are human robots being told what to do. Their “VOICE” in the metaphorical sense of the word is taken away, they are slaves to the employer for the hours they work.

Anxiety & Panic Attack.

The day continued with my brother telling me that he is coming over to the UK at Christmas. Under normal circumstances, I should be ecstatic but I am having a panic attack simply thinking about it.

I have not left my home for three years due to social disconnection and OCD, actually, tell a lie I went out once to meet him last year for the day and I felt so ill after that but he was oblivious to my disability. He told me that I have to arrange my schedule and my work around him. He told me we will be talking this weekend coming.

Notice how my disability and my work are of no significance to him and I have to just get over myself.

The icing on the cake was the final straw that broke the camel’s back so to speak with my neighbor announcing she is moving within the month. she without a doubt had to be the nicest neighbor I have ever had, she was always kind, and caring and never did me wrong. I will miss her.

I do believe nothing standstills and when one door closes another one opens so although I felt very depressed yesterday with low self-esteem. That was yesterday though and your mood can change if you stay occupied and not dwell on what is bothering you. I am hopeful about tomorrow and about brighter things to come. I am fortunate I have an online journal to vent my anger which I can share with whoever wants to read my challenges. I did come across a website called (www.storiboard.co.uk) not mine may I add but a portal to share your stories.

Telling Your Story.

Anyone reading this who wants a platform to share their stories is more than welcome to subscribe here and I will make you a contributor or will manually upload your stories for you. It won’t cost you a penny only your time, it is completely free.

Domestic Violence.

I have gone through a lot over the last two decades (I won’t go into it all here but I am a ‘survivor of domestic violence‘ and and this is what drives me to tell my story) I won’t say I am strong all the time. I have good days and bad days and yesterday was a bad day for me but I know I will get over it. I am still standing and I won’t let anyone break me, sure they can try but when they knock me down and I get back up again so help me God.

I will be writing my biography soon and I will be calling out all the people that have done me wrong. Don’t misunderstand me, I am not awkward or vengeful, I just think some people deserve their five minutes of fame.

Superiority.

No one on this planet is better than you, we all do the same things, we eat, sleep and go to the bathroom, and we all cannot survive without water or air. We all have red blood and if Adam and Eve were the first people, then their children would have been inbred so we are all brothers and sisters. The world is an evil place with evil people living in it trying to suck the last ounce of happiness out of you. They should be very worried about what happens to them after they die. Just because some use 24kt Gold WCs does not make them any better than you. We all have the right to live on this planet in harmony and without having to worry about where the next paycheck is going to come from and if we can put food on the table. No one should fear for their lives or be killed for some political agenda. No one should lose their life for the sake of debt ceilings and deficit spending.

“The Hidden Secrets of Money” By Mile Maloney.

Invisible Disability.

I have an invisible disability and I expect to be acknowledged as a human being and not be judged, I expect people to give me the respect I deserve. I do not need anyone giving me advice, or being patronizing, after all when it comes to mental health I specialize in the subject hence why I built this site.

Never assume anything with me without asking me first.

I know if my finances improved so would my mental health. My cerebellum atrophy is incurable but with new drugs coming on the market anything is possible. I am staying positive and hopefully, someone reading this will invest in me.

One day soon you will learn what one particular “evil animal” did to me and how I am recovering.

I have audio recordings of all the death threats he made to me.

He is no longer residing in the UK, he left last December for Germany however within a month of him starting work he was fired due to an altercation with a woman at his place of work, why does that not surprise me.

Unfortunately, because he does not speak fluent English he was unable to set up an email address so I did it for him and forwarded all his emails to me for translation purposes with his consent, however, I have no access to his settings anymore, and cannot un-forward myself hence I get his emails and all the antics he is getting up to.

I use outlook and have blocked his email but people sending emails to him still come into my inbox. I have started marking them as spam as I have no other way of stopping any communication.

Remember not all that glitters is gold and that was my mistake and I have learned the hard way.

One day I will rise from the ashes and tell my full story.

Staying Positive.

Tomorrow is another day and I aim for a brighter future!

If you found this article insightful, please take a moment to share, comment, and subscribe. Also before you go, please also consider donating the equivalent of a cup of coffee to help keep this “Disability UK” Online Journal going.

#anxiety #stress #depression #lowselfesteem #mentalhealth #mentalhealthdisabilities #Centrica #JanaSiber

Blue Butterfly
Keep your business moving forward

Domestic Violence Survivor – The Anonymous Writer.

I have removed the original photo as I am afraid of the repercussions.

Surviving Domestic Violence – The Anonymous Writer.

Disclaimer – Warning – Trigger Warning – Sensitive Material.

My Online Journal: First and foremost I would like to explain I am a writer, I want to stay anonymous for now as I am not ready to share my identity to the world to know. Not many people know the full extent of what my ex did to me and my story is way overdue. I have learned one valuable lesson, not all that glitters is gold, (a handsome attractive man, maybe a devil in disguise). This is about a narcissist that physically and mentally abused me. I do not want to be known as the victim but more so as the survivor. The reason why I am sharing this story is so that people understand what hell I have gone through and how I am recovering and how I learned to go into survival mode. I also want to share how it has affected me and how I am rebuilding my life. Surviving for me was to always try and leave whenever possible even though it was my home I was fleeing from or if I was trapped not to antagonize him. I would not look at him or make eye contact and would be very quiet and subdued. I would try and protect my electronics as much as possible but not always successfully. I believed in his threats and still do, hence I want to move where he can never find me and live my life again with new happier beginnings and before anyone says why don’t I? Well you need to be able to afford to move before you put the plan into action.

My story starts just over 12 years ago. In that decade prior to the 12 years both my parents had died followed then by my brother in a drowning accident.

I remember my brother prior to going to Ecuador to help save the rain forest, his words still echo “that I should find someone to share my life with”.

My parents had died and I was raising my daughter by myself I felt vulnerable and sad. I had divorced and it was not pretty.

Then out of the blue came a stranger into my life, he was from my parent’s neck of the woods and I thought, what have I got to lose if I started dating again?

At first, everything was exciting you could call it the honeymoon period but then tragedy struck and my brother died. I now needed someone to comfort and console me and I felt very alone so this person that I hardly knew became a person that could distract me from the sadness and emptiness I was feeling.

My mental state at the time was not good and I was not focused, I was very vulnerable and scared of being alone.

This friend of a friend was aware I had inherited some money and that over the months that followed he took advantage of this.

Some women will do a lot for their partners in exchange for affection.

This was my naivety and stupidity, I believed he cared. I was not bothered about what job he had or that he did not have a car I just saw another human being, showing some affection. I believed he would never hurt me. I trusted him…

Obviously, it was not long, before I started to tighten my purse strings after one of his family members pointed out that the amount of money I was spending I was in a sense trying to buy love and affection and that is when it hit home and I thought this person could be well and truly right.

As I started to be wiser with my money that was when the trouble started to happen. My abuser was more and more verbal to me he would say the cruelest and nastiest things, he would humiliate me and belittle me and when this was no longer working he decided to become very physically abusive towards me.

He liked punching me in my face and top of my head (soft spot –Anterior Fontanelle. The position of this largest soft spot can be easily seen on a newborn; in adults, the location of the now-fused fontanelle is at the junction of the frontal, coronal, and sagittal sutures of the skull ) to punching and kicking my torso eventually dislocating my knee and he would spit better than any lama.

I believe my cerebellar atrophy is the consequence of his actions due to the head trauma I endured”.

He once snapped my one laptop in two although replaced it, followed by another episode pouring water on another one and consequently putting me out of business for 28 weeks (I lost clients because of him due to a damaged hard drive and dislocation of my knee, where he kicked 7 times before it popped and I was immobile).

He was very intimidating and menacing and as much as I tried to get rid of him and get him out of my life completely he would threaten me that a lot worse would happen to me if I did not go at Christmas to Poland with him, each and every year. He threatened me multiple times and I even have multiple audio recordings of him threatening to kill me.

Don’t get me wrong his family was accomodating, lovely and very loving yet he was the complete opposite, the black sheep.

I do not regret meeting his family even though I did eventually sever my ties with them all after he agreed to leave me alone and pay me back for all the damage he had done, because I wanted no more to do with this demonic person and if that meant not speaking to his family and friends, then that is what I had to do.

I wanted him to know as little about me as possible.

This carried on for years and he made sure my daughter never saw what he did to me.

He was afraid after one particular incident where the Police were called and he was arrested, they wanted me to press charges but like a fool I refused.

My stupidity got the better of me (I thought I could reason with him and get the required help he needed. I believed I could change him and make him better. (You can never change a person that does not want to change) I learned that the hard way.

He started to make a habit of being physical towards me, it was as if he wanted to feel in control over me and that is when I said enough is enough and for him to leave me alone once and for all otherwise I would personally go to the Police, I tried to show I was no longer afraid of him and showed him all the evidence I collated on him. I arranged to meet him in a public place and gave him the document and played one specific audio compilation. I said should anything happen to me I have made copies of all the recordings and they are also in the cloud. He did not seem to comprehend what that meant, he did not understand what the cloud is.

I would end up writing an invoice/document with my evidence and asking him to pay me monthly for all the damages and loss of earnings due to his narcissistic behavior. He agreed to pay me £100 per month which he did until recently as the payments always went out on the 20th.

Then suddenly out of the blue last year, he messaged me that he was returning my car that he point blank refused to give back as he needed it for work.

His excuse finally for returning the car was that his driving license was no longer valid in the UK and he was not going to surrender his Polish License for a UK License, hence no insurance company would insure him.

(Yet today I drop caught an email from his car insurance provider saying the payment for £36 had also failed and they will attempt to retry in 10 days). Lie after lie after lie!

Again had I reported the car stolen when I wanted the car back, he said he needed it for work and he threatened as long he was in the UK he would make sure that if I ever called the Police on him he would come after me (Poles stick together and he knows some unsavory characters). I was afraid of what he may do so I never caused waves.

Not thinking much of it as he was paying me like clockwork, my daughter who agreed to be his translator for the Bank recently started getting notifications on her phone by SMS that his credit limit was bordering on an unarranged credit.

Both my daughter and I laughed and agreed he most probably bought a car and that his excuse to return my car was a complete and utter lie.

I believe he has bought a Nissan Micra as he has been buying parts and copies of his emails occasionally drop into my inbox (I set his inbox up many moons ago and forwarded a copy to my inbox to help with translation). At that time he did not have an email address or know how to use one, let alone set one up. I guess he still has not figured out how to stop any forwarding of emails.

Yesterday both my daughter and I were called by the Bank and although I did pick up the phone, because I heard a dog in the background I was reluctant to talk, which now I wish that I had. I was skeptical it was a legitimate call. The woman said she was phoning all the numbers on file from HSBC bank as they were trying to locate my ex.

Moving forward to today the regular monthly payment stopped out of the blue. I had a notification that the direct debit for the monthly repayment had failed. So I proceeded to phone my ex and his phone was turned off, I had no choice but and unblock him off Facebook to message him by messenger.

I did manage to get through to him but prior to this, I established that he had left his place of work in December and was no longer a tenant at the address I had for him. I spoke with the landlady who said he had told her he had moved to Holland.

He responded by saying if the bank were to contact me again that I should tell them that I do not know where he is, proceeded by love heart emojis (Delusional, he still thinks I will do him favors or that I am his friend).

However, I do not know where he is exactly (he is playing mind games) but I am in two minds to find out because he owes me £35K.

I have published the whole invoice and evidence just to show people what he did to me just in case he has tried to blacken my name.

With Artificial Intelligence Banks can find your location and Karma will pay him a visit or the bailiffs.

His mother once tried to defend him after I found out he had served time in prison, that her innocent child was not the instigator that put someone on a life support machine. I should have listened to the warning signs then.

This should be the end of the chapter for me but I am hesitant as I have always been afraid of him.

I should smear his name so that other women who foolishly may get involved with him think twice and maybe my post can help a woman thinking of getting involved with him not to get hurt, but that would no doubt come with consequences.

I suspect by his Facebook profile he is involved with someone and I do not want to stir the nest.

I pray for this woman that he treats her better than he ever treated me.

If I go to the Police now in the UK and he has fled the country there is little they can do.

I could get my solicitor in Poland to start legal proceedings to recover the money but do I need the hassle because this did not happen on Polish soil and I doubt I will have a leg to stand on?

He in all honesty has not got two pennies to rub together so what hope in hell will I ever have to get my money back unless I get the bailiffs to take his house off him… I know his mother has signed the house over to him (he is an only child).

Warning this PDF has sensitive material which can cause triggers and may be upsetting to some people.

INVOICE-ADDRESS-REDACTED-ANONYMOUS-WRITER

(The images in the PDF are old and my personal appearance has now changed, I have also redacted his name and address). This is just the tip of the iceberg because I have the audio recording and have to relive the nightmare in my head. I do try to block out the things he said and did to me which I did record. But I am still apprehensive knowing he could easily come after me if he wanted. Hence I want to move somewhere where he can never find me.

The Audio Recording Of The Threats.

I am having problems uploading the file, it could be because of security reasons, and because it has sensitive material it may be censored. I do however have about 50 of these recordings and there is one that has three recordings synced into one.

Guilt Trip.

He is claiming he is not in debt (delusional, as he owes me money, the bank, and the car insurance company for starters) and that I am making a mountain out of a molehill, so why did my £100 not go through and why is the Bank and Insurance Company chasing him?

Although I have published this article and in a way, I can now have a clean slate, he is still trying to push my buttons and as long as I do not know where he is I feel unsafe.

Until the Bank stops bombarding both my daughter and me over the debt he has accumulated, I cannot let this rest and if push comes to shove I will Name and Shame him for all the world to see.

I did try phoning the Bank and they told me to go into a branch and explain. I got my daughter to go in as I am very reluctant in venturing outside. I just have an overwhelming fear of being around people, I feel 100% safer in my home not that I can call it home but more so a place to crash.

Disclaimer:

I published his photo, but have since redacted it including his name and address for now, and will show the original document to the Bank to prove what he has done.

Aftermath Of His Narcissism.

I suffer from depression and anxiety, I lose my balance with my cognitive impairment due to my cerebellar atrophy, yet I still try to stay positive”.

The things he did to me:

  1. He sprayed chemicals into my eyes.
  2. He punched my soft spot (fontanelle)at the top of my head several times.
  3. He punched me multiple times in my face.
  4. He scrammed my face with the bristles of a broom claiming he would only be able to touch me with a broom because I was filth.
  5. He raped me (marital rape, I had no choice but to comply otherwise there would be consequences.
  6. He dislocated my knee (kicking it full force until it popped).
  7. He urinated over me and in my mouth (he said if I was to bite he would snap my neck). This has been particularly hard for me to share, because it was humiliating, and degrading. He would laugh as he was doing it, as I was trying not to swallow and the aftertaste was very bitter and rancid as I was spitting it out.
  8. He would spit at and on me (photo evidence in PDF).
  9. He tied a laptop cable around my neck and tried to hang me. (Photo evidence of marks around my neck). It was only because he heard some coming in through the front door that he untied me. I reckon a few minutes more and I would have been dead.
  10. He tried pushing me down the stairs. I grabbed onto the walls and banister to break my fall.
  11. He broke my ribs (photo evidence of bruising around my torso) because he ridiculed me for doing kickboxing and wanted to prove a point that I would not be able to defend myself. I never returned to the lessons and stop learning to drive because I was in so much pain and my driving instructor was getting fed up with me canceling my lessons all the time.
  12. He mentally abused me, saying the evilest things anyone could think of, (that I was ugly, stupid a piece of meat, a whore, etc). He even spoke about my mother even though he had never met her and said the apple does not fall far from the tree and referred to the saying “like a mother-like daughter”.
  13. He stole from me. He stole a gold necklace plus other jewelry.
  14. He damaged my belongings and my home ( photo evidence in PDF)
  15. He threatened to kill me multiple times (I have the audio recordings to prove this). He even threatened to petrol bomb my home.
  16. I refused him entry so he broke in.

“Will I ever get involved with anyone again, I highly doubt it, once bitten twice shy as they say. I am too hurt inside to ever want to share my life with someone again”.

I have really bad trust issues now and would be very wary of ever allowing anyone to play a part in my life. I have built something for myself that I never could have done before as I was not able to because of the narcissistic behavior I endured.

I want to show my daughter I am strong after all I am supposed to be the one that takes care of everything even though I sometimes struggle to take care of myself.

UPDATE 24/02/22

Today I messaged him (I had no choice) , to ask what his plans were to pay me seeing his £100 direct debit agreement had failed. He responded by saying firstly to leave him alone and that I was scamming him and that I should get a job 🤣.

So the money he owes me that he claims I am scamming him yet he paid like clockwork for two years (in my defense why would he pay me a single penny if he claims I was scamming him?) he how claims it was a lie and that he was paying me to pay off my debts🤣😂😆. and conveniently forgot all about the damages he made which I photo evidence in the embedded PDF lol.

He continued to say he will cause problems for me and will state he lived with me which was untrue, he lived in another flat a couple of streets away from me, and then sofa surfed but never lived with me officially, yes I cooked for him until eventually, I stopped. He came over when he pleased and once when I purposely refused to let him in he smashed the stained glass front door window to let himself in. Because I had no proof i.e CCTV that he did it I had to replace the glass which cost me £1,200 and board up the window until the glaziers came. (I even have his landlady’s telephone number). I should have seen him for what he was from the beginning a down and out bum, a liar, and a demonic narcissist.

He is full of lies and deceit and I have taken it upon myself to write off the debt of £35K but I will use this lesson to teach others. He is too much trouble than it is worth. I will make this money back and will learn from this.

I did remind him I had the audio recordings and if he tried to cause problems I would hand the recording over to the police, and in response, he sent me a tulip and pink heart emoji 🌷💗.

I feel sad and at one point my hand was shaking so much I could control my fingers and hardly type a word on my phone.

I am unsure where in the world he is and a part of me is still looking over my shoulder.

I told him to stop messaging me and it has now gone quiet.

He once said he would smash all my windows and petrol bomb my house and today he wished me good health (I suppose I am reading into this too much, but that could be an innuendo that I should watch out).

I really do not want to dredge this up and go through court and get the Police involved I want a peaceful hassle-free life. I want to put the past behind me.

Even if I tried to get my money back he is in no position to pay me back and has no money apart from the house he owns in Poland.

He had the opportunity when he returned the car last year to state his intentions of what he was planning to do and not suddenly stop paying me.

I was in two minds taking this post down, but have re-thought that should I ever have any problems or something happens to me or my daughter I have this post as evidence of my concerns.

Good riddance to bad rubbish, he is someone else’s problem now”.

Recovering From Domestic Abuse.

Recovering is never easy and I take each day as it comes. I do find some days harder than others but somehow I find that if I keep myself occupied and busy I do not have time to think. Writing my journal I am basically having an out-of-body experience and although the memories will never go away in time they will fade.

I do not associate writing this down that it happened to me even though it did, I just see words that are part of the content. I will no let myself dwell on all the evil things he did to me, I have moved on and what happened to me happened to me in the past which is an old chapter.

If I had to chance to do everything all over again I would not have entertained him for one minute and would never have met him. The way I see it now it is one of life’s lessons and all I can do now is share my story and perhaps help someone else.

Whenever he was confrontational I would become submissive I would talk in a softly spoken voice only if I really had to otherwise I would not speak at all. Sometimes this would rattle him that he was not getting the attention from his gaslighting so to protect me, I would respond only to make sure it would not escalate into something worse.

He would always criticize me because I looked after myself and did kickboxing not that it helped me. I would always make an effort with my appearance and lost a lot of weight after my mother and brother had died. I was very conscious of what I ate and was ridiculed constantly. The more effort I made on my appearance the more abuse I had so eventually I stopped caring.

My way of coping now is to only talk to people online, I do not like talking over the phone and have not left my home for nearly three years other than once to meet my brother for the day.

  1. I cannot walk very far because of the pain in my knee.
  2. I have social disconnection issues and much rather prefer my own company.
  3. I am trying to self-heal at my own pace, taking baby steps one day at a time.
  4. I lose my balance a lot (cerebellar atrophy)
  5. I muddle my words up( cognitive impairment -cerebellar atrophy)
  6. My OCD symptoms have gone through the roof and I simply cannot touch anything that someone else has touched without disinfecting it first.
  7. I am afraid of being touched or having human physical contact.
  8. I have really bad trust issues.

Yes, certain things that I see and hear do sometimes trigger me, yet I somehow find the courage to learn from it

Support.

The support I have is laughable.

  1. I once reached out to my own GP, five people I spoke to over that phoned me mentioned the letter I sent in an email attachment, yet my GP never got back to me. I was in a really dark place at the time and did not have the strength to reach out to make a consultation booking to speak about my problems. https://disabledentrepreneur.uk/anxiety-phoning-your-gp/
  2. Prior to that at the beginning of my relationship with my ex I did reach out to someone in my inner circle at my daughter’s 16th birthday party and this person never brought the subject up again.
  3. I also sent an email explaining my circumstances this year to another person who said they would phone me but never did.
  4. My neighbors who heard the commotions rather than intervene and call the police simply reported me to the landlord about the noise.

Reporting to the Police.

Should I have reported this to the police when I had the chance, of course, I should have, but I did not because I made to choice to not have this dragged through court and have media attention.

Furthermore, I did not want to go to a woman’s shelter, they tried doing that at the beginning when he sprayed chemicals in my eyes, but I refused to press charges.

The support worker in the women’s shelter tried to get information out of me and said quote “this is a safe space what you tell me will not go any further, and that she is my friend”, so I replied “in this lifetime and the next we will never be friends because how can I be friends with someone I have just met” and was forced to meet by the police?

(“I thought I could reason with him and make sense of what he had done and maybe change him. That was pure 100% stupidity and naivety on my part as you can not change something that is evil that does not think they have done wrong or does not want to change”).

Like I said he is now someone else’s problem now and he no longer resides in the UK.

I have made sure he does not find me hence I am removing my carbon footprint to remove my physical address. I ideally would want to move to a different location so that even if my address did pop up on the internet it would be my old one.

People do not care unless it is related to them. Some people do not want the drama and would much rather step back than try to help.

This is why I do not want to be around people because caring and being kind are two different things. Being kind is doing something in the spur of the moment, and caring is going above and beyond your call of duty.

People may say they care but in reality, they don’t.

I am done confiding with my inner circle, if anyone needs or wants to know what I have gone through I can now direct them to this page.

I do not want any sympathy or pity or have people feel sorry for me. I do not want to be labeled as damaged goods. In fact, I do not want to be known or remembered as the person that survived a domestic violent relationship, in fact, I do not want the attention at all. If anything I want people that have or are going through similar types of situations to reach out and share their stories and have emergency exit plans.

There is nothing shameful about being a victim or survivor of a domestic violence relationship. There are many domestic cases and some hidden behind closed doors where no one gets to see what is really happening and what’s going on right now.

Statistics.

According to WHO Estimates published indicate that globally about 1 in 3 (30%) of women worldwide have been subjected to either physical and/or sexual intimate partner violence or non-partner sexual violence in their lifetime.

https://www.who.int/news-room/fact-sheets/detail/violence-against-women

On average, two women being murdered each week and 30 men per year; Accounts for 16% of all violent crime (Source: Crime in England and Wales)

https://lwa.org.uk/understanding-abuse/statistics/

Support & Healing.

Personally, I do not need pep talks I do not want anyone to be my friend. I know what I need and what I have to do to get it.

I am not happy where I live now because I am surrounded by so many bad memories. I just like where I live now I hate it. I walk around with blinkers and do not take pride in my home.

My Health.

My mental health is not good but I know one day it will get better.

I have good days and bad days. On the bad days, I just switch off and disconnect from people completely. I try to distract myself by reading, learning, and watching something on the streaming channels or writing.

My tolerance level is zero and I do not have much patience. I know only care about my daughter and my family, not so much myself but I am taking baby steps to change. I watch motivation videos and am learning about neuroplasticity. I also try to hypnotize myself whenever I can.

I suffer from depression: https://disabledentrepreneur.uk/deep-dark-depression/

I need sleeping tablets to sleep otherwise my mind would be left racing throughout the night. I need medication for my knee although the pain is manageable because I do not go anywhere other than around my home.

I can say I enjoy empowering and motivating people and can disconnect from my own personal dilemma and try and help, by giving advice through my own mistakes.

I am a kind and generous person and I will give support and advice where ever it is needed.

I am comfortable enjoying my own company and maybe one day when I am strong enough I may decide to venture out into the big bad world, but as it stands I am taking one day at a time.

I used to go out and once shared office space on the high street and every time I came in I had derogatory comments from the proprietor saying look the “car crash has just walked in”. I ended up leaving.

I feel safer in my own home. I have anxiety issues leaving especially after one Christmas when I really did not want to go abroad but under duress, I had to, only to come back to having my home robbed by another low-life individual. I am afraid of being robbed again with multiple people having keys including workmen as one let himself in not so long again, thinking I was not at home. So I rather stay put and protect my belongings as I trust no one.

Am I apprehensive that someone may read this and let him know I have written about him? of course, although I have taken steps to redact my name and contact details so that my real name is not public information. (Robots do not read images unless you put alt text and tag them).

Gratitude.

I am grateful I am alive and that he did not kill me. I am grateful I have gotten rid of him from my life. I am grateful he is not in the UK any longer. I am grateful that I can start rebuilding my life and start healing.

Recovering.

I can help people men and women with domestic violence issues by simply talking to them I do not have to make friends just give guidance. I am not a professional counselor but I can guide you in the right direction. You can send a message on this site and it will be passed on to me. You do not have to give your true identity either.

DOMESTIC VIOLENCE USEFUL LINKS

If you have been the victim of domestic violence, you should tell the police. If you are in imminent danger try to be calm and have an emergency exit plan. Keep things from escalating and call the police at the first opportunity you have. Use code to notify other people you are in danger.

https://www.nhs.uk/live-well/healthy-body/getting-help-for-domestic-violence/

https://cardiffwomensaid.org.uk/

https://rise-cardiff.cymru/

https://www.un.org/en/coronavirus/what-is-domestic-abuse

https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/adult-health/in-depth/domestic-violence/art-20048397

https://gabbypetitofoundation.org/

#narcissist #mentalabuse #physicalabuse #swindler #conman #conartist #scammer #domesticviolence #greviousbodilyharm #gbh #actualbodilyharm #abh #theanonymouswriter

Cerebellum Atrophy

Artists rendition of the human brain, showing the location of the cerebellum. (from Science Trends)

Cerebellar Atrophy.

Cerebellar Atrophy is something that has motivated me to do research and studies because I personally have been diagnosed with it.

My symptoms are: I lose balance and jumble my words up or miss them out completely when I speak and when I write. Thank God for ‘Grammarly.

Whilst cerebellar atrophy can be the cause of drinking heavily, I personally do not drink alcohol other than on social occasions. It can also be due to head trauma which I cannot rule out.

There is a close connection between Multiple Sclerosis (which my daughter has been diagnosed with) and Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (which I also suffer from) as I will explain further.

What is the cerebellum and what does it do ?

The cerebellum (“little brain”) is a structure that is located at the back of the brain, underlying the occipital and temporal lobes of the cerebral cortex. The cerebellum is involved in the following functions: Maintenance of balance and posture.

The cerebellum is part of the brain. It lies under the cerebral cortex, towards the back, behind the brainstem, and above the spinal cord. The cerebellum is largely involved in “coordination”. Persons whose cerebellum doesn’t work well are generally clumsy and unsteady. They may look like they are drunk even when they are not.

The cerebellum contains a lot of neurons. According to Hurculano-Houzel (2010), it contains about 80% of the neurons in the brain. So small in size, large in number. It must be doing something pretty important. The large neuron count probably is due to the more elaborate folding of the cerebellar cortex, as the neurons are mainly close to the periphery.

Cerebellar disorders are rare. They are often called “ataxias”. According to Musselman et al (2014), the prevalence of childhood ataxia is 26/100,000 children. Ataxia is rare compared to cerebral palsy (211/100,00) and autism (620/100,000).

Many cerebellar disorders are genetic in origin. In general, the prevalence of genetic disorders and especially autosomal recessive disorders is much higher in populations where there is more consanguinity. Examples of this include Quebec, Canada, and the Al-Kharga district in Egypt. There are also many acquired cerebellar disorders. For example, drinking too much alcohol for a long time causes a cerebellar disorder.

There are several key functions of the cerebellum, including:

  • Balance and posture
  • Mental function
  • Movement
  • Motor learning
  • Vision

Causes of Cerebellum Damage

Damage to the cerebellum, or to its connection to other parts of the nervous system, can be a result of trauma, health conditions, medications, and other factors, including:

  • Alcohol use disorder
  • Brain tumor
  • Head injury
  • Huntington’s disease
  • Infections
  • Lead or mercury poisoning
  • Medications, including benzodiazepines or barbiturates
  • Multiple sclerosis
  • Parkinson’s disease
  • Stroke

Conditions That Affect the Cerebellum

When your cerebellum is damaged, nerve cells break down and die and can cause the following:

  • Ataxia:The loss of control of voluntary movement (e.g., the ability to move your body the way you want)
  • Cognitive impairment:A reduction in conscious mental activities, including thinking, learning, memory, and concentration
  • Dystonia: Involuntary contraction of muscles that normally work in cooperation so that a body part is held in an unusual and often painful position as a result
  • Tremors: Involuntary, rhythmic contraction of muscles that can lead to shaking movements in the hands, legs, face, head, or vocal cords
  • Unsteady gait:Walking unsteadily or clumsily (A person with an unsteady gait may appear intoxicated even if that’s not the case.)
  • Vertigo:The dizziness sensation of spinning, swaying, or tilting, which is frequently associated with balance problems and often accompanied by nausea, vomiting, headache, or hearing loss

Diagnosis of Cerebellar disorders

The main clinical features of cerebellar disorders include incoordination, imbalance, and troubles with stabilizing eye movements. There are two distinguishable cerebellar syndromes — midline and hemispheric.

Midline cerebellar syndromes are characterized by imbalance. Persons are unsteady, they are unable to stand in Romberg with eyes open or closed, and are unable to well perform tandem gait. Severe midline disturbance causes “trunkal ataxia” a syndrome where a person is unable to sit on their bed without steadying themselves. Some persons have “titubation” or a bobbing motion of the head or trunk. Midline cerebellar disturbances also often affect eye movements. There may be nystagmus, ocular dysmetria, and poor pursuit.

Hemispheric cerebellar syndromes are characterized by incoordination of the limbs. There may be the decomposition of movement, dysmetria, and rebound. Dysdiadochokinesis is the irregular performance of rapid alternating movements. Intention tremors may be present in an attempt to touch an object. A kinetic tremor may be present in motion. The finger-to-nose and heel-to-knee tests are classic tests of hemispheric cerebellar dysfunction. While reflexes may be depressed initially with hemispheric cerebellar syndromes, this cannot be counted on. Speech may be dysarthric, scanning, or have an irregular emphasis on syllables.

Maintenance of balance and posture. The cerebellum is important for making postural adjustments in order to maintain balance. Through its input from vestibular receptors and proprioceptors, it modulates commands to motor neurons to compensate for shifts in body position or changes in load upon muscles. Patients with cerebellar damage suffer from balance disorders, and they often develop stereotyped postural strategies to compensate for this problem (e.g., a wide-based stance).

Coordination of voluntary movements. Most movements are composed of a number of different muscle groups acting together in a temporally coordinated fashion. One major function of the cerebellum is to coordinate the timing and force of these different muscle groups to produce fluid limb or body movements.

Motor learning. The cerebellum is important for motor learning. The cerebellum plays a major role in adapting and fine-tuning motor programs to make accurate movements through a trial-and-error process (e.g., learning to hit a baseball).

Cognitive functions. Although the cerebellum is most understood in terms of its contributions to motor control, it is also involved in certain cognitive functions, such as language. Thus, like the basal ganglia, the cerebellum is historically considered as part of the motor system, but its functions extend beyond motor control in ways that are not yet well understood.

Credit:

https://nba.uth.tmc.edu/neuroscience/m/s3/chapter05.html

Cerebellar Atrophy is one of the diagnostic features in PEHO syndrome (progressive encephalopathy with edema, hypsarrhythmia, and optic atrophy) and usually appears in the second year of life.

Symptoms of Cerebellar Atrophy.

The most characteristic symptom of cerebellar degeneration is a wide-based, unsteady, lurching walk, often accompanied by a back and forth tremor in the trunk of the body. Other symptoms may include slow, unsteady, and jerky movement of the arms or legs slowed and slurred speech, dizziness, lightheadedness, loss of balance, cognitive impairment, and nystagmus.

Credit:

https://dizziness-and-balance.com/disorders/central/cerebellar/cerebellar.htm

Cerebellar atrophy in the context of other disorders

Cerebellar Atrophy is the neuroradiological hallmark of many progressive ataxias of childhood. It is a nonspecific, yet useful neuroradiological sign (Poretti et al., 2008). Its differentiation from cerebellar hypoplasia can be difficult, especially if progression cannot be proven by repeated MRI. It is defined as a structurally normal cerebellum with enlarged interfolial spaces in a posterior fossa of normal size, while in cerebellar hypoplasia, the cerebellum is small and compact, without widened fissures between the foliae. Besides the hereditary ataxias, cerebellar atrophy can also be found in a multitude of other disorders, often, but not always, with additional neuroradiological abnormalities. If cerebellar atrophy is present, ataxia is often a clinical symptom, but this is not always the case. Hyperintensity of the cerebellar cortex in T2w images has been considered as pathognomonic for infantile neuroaxonal dystrophy (INAD), but has also been demonstrated in Marinesco–Sjögren syndrome or mitochondrial disorders.

Prominent cerebellar atrophy is present in many of the neurodegenerative disorders of childhood, including metabolic disorders. It can be an isolated neuroradiological feature in juvenile GM2 gangliosidosis. In late-infantile neuronal ceroid lipofuscinosis and Niemann–Pick disease type C, it is usually accompanied by mild supratentorial atrophy. It is part of the neuroradiological abnormalities in many disorders of white matter, especially in hypomyelination of basal ganglia and cerebellum (HABC) and the 4H syndrome (hypomyelination, hypodontia, and hypogonadotropic hypogonadism). In white matter disorders, the MRI appearance of the white matter is mostly sufficiently specific to make a diagnosis. Cerebellar atrophy is one of the diagnostic features in PEHO syndrome (progressive encephalopathy with edema, hypsarrhythmia, and optic atrophy) and usually appears in the second year of life. Pontocerebellar atrophy is prominent in certain subtypes of the congenital disorders of glycosylation (CDG), especially in CDG Ia which is a differential diagnosis for pontocerebellar hypoplasia.

Cerebellar Atrophy can also be acquired. Extreme prematurity can cause pontocerebellar atrophy. Acute cerebellitis and autoimmune disorders such as opsoclonus myoclonus syndrome can lead to cerebellar atrophy. More frequent causes of cerebellar atrophy are posterior fossa surgery or radiotherapy (Poretti et al., 2008).

Cerebellar Degeneration is a condition in which cerebellar cells, otherwise known as neurons, become damaged and progressively weaken in the cerebellum. There are two types of cerebellar degeneration; paraneoplastic cerebellar degeneration, and alcoholic or nutritional cerebellar degeneration. As the cerebellum contributes to the coordination and regulation of motor activities, as well as controlling the equilibrium of the human body, any degeneration to this part of the organ can be life-threatening. Cerebellar degeneration can result in disorders in fine movement, posture, and motor learning in humans, due to a disturbance of the vestibular system. This condition may not only cause cerebellar damage on a temporary or permanent basis, but can also affect other tissues of the central nervous system, including the cerebral cortex, spinal cord, and the brainstem (made up of the medulla oblongata, midbrain, and pons).

Cerebellar Degeneration can be attributed to a plethora of hereditary and non-hereditary conditions. More commonly, cerebellar degeneration can also be classified according to conditions that an individual may acquire during their lifetime, including infectious, metabolic, autoimmune, paraneoplastic, nutritional, or toxic triggers.

Conclusions: Altered functional connectivity between the cerebellum and cerebral networks involved in cognitive-affective processing in patients with OCD provides further evidence for the involvement of the cerebellum in the pathophysiology of OCD, and is consistent with impairment in executive control and emotion

Abstract

Background: The role of the cerebellum in obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) has drawn increasing attention. However, the functional connectivity between the cerebellum and the cerebral cortex has not been investigated in OCD, nor has the relationship between such functional connectivity and clinical symptoms.

Methods: A total of 27 patients with OCD and 21 healthy controls (HCs) matched on age, sex and education underwent magnetic resonance imaging (MRI). Seed-based connectivity analyses were performed to examine differences in cerebellar-cerebral connectivity in patients with OCD compared with HCs. Associations between functional connectivity and clinical features in OCD were analyzed.

Results: Compared with HCs, OCD patients showed significantly decreased cerebellar-cerebral functional connectivity in executive control and emotion processing networks. Within the OCD group, decreased functional connectivity in an executive network spanning the right cerebellar Crus I and the inferior parietal lobule was positively correlated with symptom severity and decreased connectivity in an emotion processing network spanning the left cerebellar lobule VI and the lingual gyrus was negatively correlated with illness duration.

Cerebellar Atrophy & Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.

Altered functional connectivity between the cerebellum and cerebral networks involved in cognitive-affective processing in patients with OCD provides further evidence for the involvement of the cerebellum in the pathophysiology of OCD and is consistent with impairment in executive control and emotion regulation in this condition.

Keywords: Cerebellar circuits; executive control network; functional connectivity; obsessive-compulsive disorder.

Credit:

https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/30058519/

Cerebellar Atrophy & Multiple Sclerosis.

Cerebellar atrophy is more extensive in patients with secondary progressive MS and those with longer disease duration when compared with people who have relapsing-remitting (RR) MS and/or shorter disease duration, and cerebellar atrophy has been shown to correlate with clinical measures of disability.

Credit:

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3281565/

Credit:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cerebellar_degeneration

#cerebellaratrophy #cerebellum #ms #ocd #multiplesclerosis #obsessivecompulsivedisorder #cerebellumatrophy

Coping With Life When You Are Disabled.

Copying With life When You Are Disabled.

I have this methology “if life gives you lemons, make lemonade”. I am not the type of person to whinge and moan, I just make the most of what I have and try to get on with it.

I always keep myself busy and set goals. However my physical and mental disabilities are obstacles that daily I have to get round.

My OCD is by far one of my prominent disabilities and have designed a quarantined cocoon area where only I have access to. This area allows me to be free of any anxieties that I would have in the normal environment. I have adopted this practice to save cleaning my whole home from top to bottom day in and day out. Believe me I used to clean from top to bottom every single day until I realised I was wasting valuable time doing something else.

Keeping myself busy does help to block out intrusive thoughts to a certain degree. I am the worlds worse for critising myself. I try to brain train to reason with myself that what I do is ridiculous and out of character to normal people, but it all is related to stress, anxiety and depression. Depending how stress I am under will depend how well my day will be. If I am super stressed, I find that I cannot concentrate and even do minuscule tasks.

My OCD is germ contamination related and I am even more conscious of my surrounding and the things that I touch. I dislike people visting me and visa versa. I prefer not to go out, hence I am not going out any time soon pandemic regulations or not.

I actually wrote an article on my other blog about germ awareness and cross contamination: https://marketingagency.cymrumarketing.com/2021/02/16/saliva-and-mail-cross-contamination-of-germs/

As for my other disabilities:

  • Cerebellar Atrophy (I lose my balance or grip and muddle my words up especially when I write, I also have mental blocks).
  • OCD (I am aware of germ cross contimination and and am careful what I touch).
  • Social Disconnection (I prefer my own company and not go out and socialise, although we can’t anyway but you get my drift).
  • PTSD (I have flashbacks of the physical and mental trauma I endured in the past and certain things trigger my depression).
  • Clinical Depression (This is related to past physical and mental trauma I endured, in which there are days where I go to a dark place).
  • Rheumatoid Arthritis (I cannot bend my knee, again from past physical trauma/abuse).
  • Dysphagia (I sometimes choke of food, I get a painful feeling followed by trouble swallowing and breathing and only when the food is dislodged does the feeling subside, gross I know but what can I do? I have been told I could have surgery but there is no gauarantee that it would work. I am not going to go under the knife for anything, I can tell you that for sure).
  • Epidural Analgesia (Chronic Back Pain, even bending down to feed the cat makes my back spasm, the same goes if I am standing for excessive length of time I have shooting pains from the small of my back to the nape of my neck. Simple taskes like taking out the rubbish or bringing in the grocery shopping has brought tears to my eyes in the past).

So yes I have good days and bad days but I do not dwell on my ailments and try to live the best way I can. I adapt to around my disabilities. Fortuantely for me I offer digital services so I can do 100% of my work online and do not have to venture out.

Stress and worry are contributing factors to my OCD, PTSD, Depression and Social Disconnection.

  • Getting headaches (I have regular headaches)
  • Having stomach cramps (I have a bad stomach most days, but that can be from drinking energy drinks to keep me awake).
  • Not being able to sleep (I find my medication helps me sleep but it takes a few hours for me to wind down, hence I watch a film or play a game, I also read books from time to time).
  • Feeling pains in your chest (I do not get them often but when I do it is scary as I have also experienced jaw ache and shooting pain down my left arm in the past). I have had an ecg scan done and the doctor said there was nothing wrong, yet the same doctor also prescribed antacid ‘Gaviscon’ to my daughter even though she was later diagnosed with MS after I admitted her into A&E.
  • Having constant worring (If I do not keep myself busy I do worry hence I try to keep my mind occupied all the time). Worrying only makes your health deteriorate and although life struggles can get in the way of your happiness, one needs to find a way to tackle the problem we are faced with, rather than sweep them under the carpet. Confronting your inner demons makes you stronger. Sometimes simply writing down your problems is the first step to dealing with whatever is on your mind. Talking to a friend or family member also helps but for me expessing my emotions in the form of a blog is theraputic in itself.
  • Having panic attacks (I only get these if I have to meet negative people). People that judge or critise, you know the people I am talking about or if I have a deadline in work or something that I have seen or heard that has triggered the onset of sheer panic. However for most part I am organised and know to how to avoid trigger warnings, so panic attacks are subdued.
  • Feeling shortness of breath, (I only get this if I cannot swallow due to my Dysphagia or at times when I have in the past been in distress, due to the trauma and abuse I endured).
  • Having mood swings with friends or family (I avoid socialising so no one knows my moods and no one can be on the tail end if I do have a bad day).
  • Finding it hard to feel happy (Continuously reassuring myself and staying positive that what I am doing will eventually change my life for the better, is enough to motivate me to get up and tackle every day tasks).

Although I was going to do a daily/weekly journal of my health, I am not able to do so at present as I have many projects I am working on and simply do not have the time, but I always try to strive to stay focused and optimistic that tomorrow will be a better day.

Obviously adopting a healthy lifestyle can help with coping with life struggles, such as:

  • Regular Exercise
  • Breathing Exercise
  • Meditation
  • Eating Healthily
  • Brain Training
  • Learning New Things
  • Staying Focused
  • Being Organised
  • Setting Goals
  • Time Management
  • Avoiding Negative People
  • Learning to Trust People
  • Motivation
  • Talking to Family and Friends About Your Troubles
  • Discussing your Problems with Professionals, Health, Finance, Relationships etc

Final Thoughts!

I am a disabled entrepreneur and I have created a business round my disabilities. The way I saw it when I first started out, I would not fit in or be accepted in a normal working enviroment and I am the most happiest I have ever been for a long time doing what I do and it works for me. So the way I see it is my disabilities are a blessing in disguise, as I would not be where I am today without them.

I avoid negative judgemental people especially if they have power trips (Trolls especially that have nothing better to do than try an bring a person down, these get immediately blocked).

As for me I will help anyone that genuinely needs my help. I am very good at analysing people and situations and I am very astute.

Stay safe, stay focused and stay motivated, nothing stays the same forever unless you let it…

What is Multiple Sclerosis (MS).

Amongst my knowledge of OCD and Cerebellar Atrophy I have been thrown into the deep end with Multiple Sclerosis. The reason for this, my daughter was diagonosed with it at the age of 15. It was a shock to the system for the both of us to learn about the disease, the diagnosis and what treatments there were and what are available.

At the time my daugher was put on Lemtrada (alemtuzumab).

I had concerns when I read that the treatment was still going ahead even though European Medicine Agency (EMA) had taken it off the market. The hospital and EMA said that no new patients would be having to drug but the patients already on it would have to finish the course.

RED TAPE!

I personally think there was political red tape and that is the reason the drug had to be continued with existing patients as it cost too much and was too complicated to get a refund, I may be wrong but no one has stepped up to correct me. If the drug had been bought upfront you could not exactly get your money back I suppose. I do not know how buying drug work, but I assume pharmaceutical companies get paid upfront as they have to make large batches, with expiry dates hence the NHS cannot return drugs once they have been manufactured in large quantities.

https://www.ema.europa.eu/en/medicines/human/referrals/lemtrada

Lemtrada suppresses the immune system for some time after a treatment course so people will be more vulnerable to infections such as colds and viruses.

LEMTRADA can cause serious side effects including:

Serious autoimmune problems:

Some people receiving LEMTRADA develop a condition where the immune cells in your body attack other cells or organs in the body (autoimmunity), which can be serious and may cause death.

Serious autoimmune problems may include:

  • Immune thrombocytopenic purpura (ITP), a condition of reduced platelet counts in your blood that can cause severe bleeding that may cause life‑threatening problems.
  • Call your healthcare provider (HCP) right away if you have any of the following symptoms: easy bruising; bleeding from a cut that is hard to stop; coughing up blood; heavier menstrual periods than normal; bleeding from your gums or nose that is new or takes longer than usual to stop; small, scattered spots on your skin that are red, pink, or purple
  • Kidney problems called anti‑glomerular basement membrane disease, which, if not treated, can lead to severe kidney damage, kidney failure that needs dialysis, a kidney transplant, or death.
  • Call your HCP right away if you have any of the following symptoms: swelling of your legs or feet; blood in the urine (red or tea‑colored urine); decrease in urine; fatigue; coughing up blood.

So its no suprise that On July 3, 2020 Sanofi Genzyme was notified that Lemtrada Home Phlebotomy Partner, Examination Management Services Inc., (EMSI) has gone out of business.

https://www.lemtrada.com/

Because of this, unfortunately, all future Lemtrada Home Phlebotomy (lab draw) visits from EMSI have been cancelled.

Patient safety is Sanofi Genzyme’s #1 priority (thats a joke if I ever heard one as my daughter was still administerd the drug after the EMA said it was unsafe) and they continued to say they are working to provide an alternative phlebotomy solution as well as coordinate alternative testing options for your next monthly lab tests.

This tells me that the company had to do refunds and the NHS here in the UK were slow and had already paid the doctors.

I wrote an article on my other blog how Doctors get a commission from pharmaceutical companies for promoting drugs.

You can read the article here:

https://marketingagency.cymrumarketing.com/2019/10/15/lemtrada-alemtuzumab-sanofi-genzyme/

Doctors receiving money from pharmaceutical companies.

https://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2016/06/30/individual-nhs-doctors-receiving-100000-per-year-from-drugs-firm/

I personally think when I first learned about this, that I was angry that the NHS knew the risk, yet used my daughter as a lab rat.

If you have any questions related to this announcement, please contact your healthcare provider or your One to One Nurse at (USA) 1-855-557-2483.

If you are in the UK contact your MS Team, or speak to the Ward Manager or Professor assigned to your case.

Multiple sclerosis (MS)

Multiple Sclerosis is an auto-immune disease that attacks healthy white cells. The lesions that can affect the brain and spinal cord can cause a wide range of potential symptoms, including problems with vision, arm or leg movement, sensation or balance.

It is an incurable disease with lifelong symptoms that can sometimes cause serious disability, although it can occasionally be mild.

The average life expectancy is slightly reduced for people with MS and symptons can be alliviated with different courses of treatments.

In most cases, people get diagnosed in their 20s or 30s but it has been known the patients have shown symptoms as young as 15 years of age. In fact, it can develop at any age. It’s about 2 to 3 times more common in women than men.

MS is one of the most common causes of disability in younger adults.

https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/multiple-sclerosis/symptoms/

The most common symptoms include:

Cerebellar atrophy

Cerebellar atrophy is associated with MS and is more extensive in patients with secondary progressive MS and those with longer disease duration when compared with people who have relapsing–remitting (RR) MS and/or shorter disease duration. Cerebellar atrophy has been shown to correlate with clinical measures of disability.

Multiple sclerosis (MS) commonly affects the cerebellum causing acute and chronic symptoms. Cerebellar signs contribute significantly to clinical disability, and symptoms such as tremor, ataxia, and dysarthria are particularly difficult to treat.

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3281565/

For Further Information Contact the Following Links.

https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/multiple-sclerosis/

https://www.nationalmssociety.org/What-is-MS

https://www.mssociety.org.uk/

https://www.webmd.com/multiple-sclerosis/default.htm

https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/multiple-sclerosis/symptoms-causes/syc-20350269

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5487391/

https://jnnp.bmj.com/content/88/12/1065

https://journals.physiology.org/doi/full/10.1152/jn.00245.2018

Dysphagia.

Dysphagia is the medical term for problems with swallowing food and drink.

Some people find it difficult to swallow certain foods or liquids, while others can’t swallow at all, other side effects include: coughing or choking when eating or drinking. bringing food back up, sometimes through the nose.

I know this may sound horrifying or even disgusting but on and off depending on what food I eat and if I have taken small bites will determine if I do not have the feeling I am choking and that food is stuck and won’t go up or down. This usually occurs if the food is dry and if I have taken large bites. Normally I have to chew my food like a cow chewing grass. Eventually, it gets monotonous and I lose the enjoyment of the food I eat. If only there was a pill form where you could choose your meat and veg and have the taste and nutrition plus the feeling you have had a slap-up meal all in one.

In fact, In 1936 the Jefferson City Post-Tribune ran an article recounting the views of Dr. Milton A Bridges of Columbia University. In it, he declared: “Human beings are never going to eat pills for meals” (why not? I would try it for certain) he went on to say “pills can never be made to contain sufficient caloric volume”.

Reading this I would find this would be an idyllic solution to my problem, popping a pill saving time sourcing the produce, cooking, and then chewing, not to mention losing weight in the process with the low-calorie count, how wonderful that would be. Imagine your gas or electric energy bill would also drop in the process. But this is not an ideal world and the Government and the Economy would be affected hence it is never going to happen, not in my lifetime anyway. This would also solve world hunger but one would need to have calories as our bodies need on average of 2000 calories per pay so we would have to pop around 400 pills per day just for calories alone. (My theory if that was the case would be to crush them and mix them up as a smoothy formula).

To think how many hours we waste shopping for groceries, packing and unpacking, preparing and cooking, and then sitting and eating for me I could be doing something else as time is precious. Imagine how much packaging we could eliminate from our lives whilst saving the planet in the process.

What is the likely cause of the dysphagia?

Certain disorders such as multiple sclerosis, muscular dystrophy, and Parkinson’s disease can cause dysphagia. Neurological damage. Sudden neurological damage, such as from a stroke or brain or spinal cord injury, can affect your ability to swallow.

I wonder if this may be linked to Cerebellar Atrophy & Epidural Analgesia? I am not an expert but it seems a bit of a coincidence that I have the above ailments and find it difficult to swallow at times.

How to Treat Dysphagia includes:

  1. Exercises your swallowing muscles.
  2. Evaluate your Diet and perhaps change the foods you eat. (Don’t know if there is a recipe for a full english breakfast smoothy).
  3. Dilation.
  4. Endoscopy. ( I had this proceedure done they made me swallow barium and then they stuck a camera down my throat), besides this is for diagnosis purposes and not for ment as a cure.
  5. Surgery. (Not guaranteed to be a successful and you may have to repeated surgeries).
  6. Medicines. ( I have been prescribed Gaviscon Advanced Mint tablets, as I suffer with acid reflux which is also associated Dysphagia.

Further reading can be found here:

https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/swallowing-problems-dysphagia/