An attitude is an emotion and belief (good or bad) portrayed by you or someone else.
In psychology, attitude is a psychological construct, a mental and emotional entity that inheres in or characterizes a person. In other words a definitive belief to a response to a situation.
A good attitude is being positive and optimistic, whilst a bad attitude is negative, judgemental, and pessimistic.
An attitude is a complex feeling and is an acquired state through life experiences and set beliefs.
Attitude is an individual’s predisposed state of mind that influences the individual’s thoughts and actions.
Prominent psychologist Gordon Allport described this latent psychological construct as “the most distinctive and indispensable concept in contemporary social psychology.” Simply put attitudes in psychology are the feelings individuals have about themselves and the world.
Attitude can be formed from a person’s past and present. Key topics in the study of attitudes include attitude strength, attitude change, consumer behavior, and attitude-behavior relationships.
For me, I have had to bite my tongue on many occasions of late when someone I have communicated with has a bad attitude and is very defensive.
I have had to tell myself this is not my fault, that this person must be going through some issues in his life that he is not telling the world about and has this attitude or invisible wall that he hides behind whilst hurling out abuse.
People that have a fear of failure will become defensive and have bad attitudes, going on their high horses shouting from the rooftops, and being loud so as not to give the game away.
People may have attitudes for the following reasons:
Afraid of failure. Some people feel emabarrassed, scared and vulnerable when we feel threatened, like a cornered animal. People put up invisible barriers to “protect” themselves by expecting the worst. We figure that if we don’t expect anything good to happen, we won’t experience any letdown when things don’t go well. We haven’t developed sufficient skills to deal with life not going our way, so we shoot down any relationship or project ahead of time.
Our role models (possibly our parents, teachers, partners, spouses or bosses) with negative or narcissistic controlling attitudes. We try to be strong and end up being defensive, so not to get hurt again.
Acceptance and Approval. We worry what other people think of us. We worry that other people might not approve of us or like us, we decide (either consciously or unconsciously) to beat them to the punch and “not like them first”.
Trauma. We have experienced significant trauma, hardship, relationship breakup, seperation or divorce, or failures, loss of a job, a business failure, including loss of a loved one.
Memories. We subconsciously replaying an issue with an authority figure or someone who controlled us a syndrome known as repetition compulsion. We cannot erase our memories and we cannot forget.
Mental Health Issues. We suffer from clinical depression and/or a chemical imbalance. In such cases, consulting a medical professional might be helpful.
Physical Health Problems. We have a medical condition that causes us to get depressed from worry or anxiety of not knowing if our illness is curable or if we are going to die.
A bad Attitude can cause a domino effect. Treat people like you would want to be treated. If you are rude and hurtful think of the consequences of your actions.
Do not pretend to be something you are not. I see enough of this on LinkedIn with people being false and writing false stories.
Never criticize anyone without being prepared to be criticized back. I had such an incident where I innocently complimented someone for their marketing efforts and said they should comment on other people’s posts and add a link. Well, that did not go down well and this said individual went on his high horse criticizing me so when I pointed out he should not be making posts “Buy my stuff, I need to feed the kids” because it does not look professional although I did not quite use those words. I simply thought if he can throw punches and call me “needy” he should take criticism also and I said what I thought to his marketing campaign which in turn caused him to go on the defense stating that “he can write what he wants” and that it was tongue in cheek humor which obviously backfired. Yes, that is true but he can write what he wants, but he should have also accepted criticism seeing he drew the first sword. But to go to the extreme and openly criticize me in front of his audience is very unprofessional, he should have if anything directly messaged me on a private chat. His argument was that I tried to hijack his post by putting my own link in (I was not selling anything to him or his network and possibly could have helped many people including himself). He then went on to block me like I really care. What he did not realize was I was planning to book a VIP Birthday for my 60th. It is not going to happen now because he was rude and obviously thinks so highly of himself to be super special which he is not. I am not upset about losing his acquaintance as he is two a penny in my eyes, but I am upset about my ruined birthday plans.
I won’t mention his name or what industry he is in as the detectives out there can easily track him down.
I will however promote someone else’s business in the same industry for free so that he knows he bit off more than he can chew. I will make sure the company will secure global positioning and be ahead of their competitors including him.
Have I got a bad attitude, no not really, but people who do me wrong should feel my wrath.
Generally speaking, I am a nice and kind person but God helps those that rattle my cage.
Yes, I am upset, I will get over it as I am a strong person and this feeling is only temporary.
Life goes on and this person is not the only person in his industry offering the service I wanted. As my daughter said, “it’s hard luck for him as he has lost a lot of business, through blocking me for no real reason”
Marketing – Adding links within posts providing you are not selling anything and they are quality links, they are not harmful and should not be deemed as unprofessional or an attempted highjacking of the author’s posts. In fact, social media does not penalize a person for having links inside their posts.
My LinkedIn post saying I was upset went viral and had lots of messages of support. So there are good people out there and I even had some sign-ups for my group “Disabled Entrepreneur”.
Treat people with respect and have a good attitude to life. Never criticize or be judgmental as this can cause mental health issues for the victim. Act professional and if you have something to say message the person privately, not publically.
If you are experiencing any issues please visit our useful links page or alternatively if you have difficultly finding support just drop us a line using the form below and we will be happy to send you some links. If your matter is urgent please contact your local doctor’s surgery or emergency services.
Emotional Distress is the intentional infliction of emotional discomfort on another person and is a common law tort that allows people to sue organizations and individuals for severe emotional distress caused by another person or entity who intentionally or recklessly inflicted emotional distress by behaving in an “extreme and outrageous” way.
What are the types of emotional distress?
There are two types of emotional distress cases, negligent and intentional.
You can claim monetary compensation for the emotional distressthe discrimination has caused you – this is called ‘injury to feelings.
You’ll need evidence of this and if you have it documented as I have through my “online journal” you can build a case against the perpetrator or entity which needs to show how the discrimination made you feel.
You will need witnesses or evidence of who you are naming and blaming and you need to start asking your family, friends, colleagues, medical professionals, or support workers if they’ll be witnesses to how the discrimination affected you.
An injury to feelings claim is a claim that can be made as part of a judgment, discrimination, humiliation, mental and physical abuse claim but not an unfair dismissal claim. It is a claim for compensation for the upset, distress, or anxiety a person might have suffered as a result of discrimination, humiliation, mental abuse, physical abuse.
Negligence Emotional Distress: As an example, my GP’s surgery has failed in their duty of care and as a consequence has caused me emotional distress.
Intentional Emotional Distress: Another example of an entity(s) that caused a domino effect caused me emotional distress.
The purpose of an injury to feelings award is to compensate the individual for the hurt and distress they have suffered rather than to punish the entity or (person held liable) for the discriminatory conduct. However, the sum awarded should not be so high that it amounts to a windfall nor should it be so low that it diminishes respect for the law.
The lower band which is appropriate for less serious cases such as where the act of discrimination is an isolated or one off occurrence.
The middle band for serious cases which do not merit an award in the highest band.
The top band for the most serious cases such as where there has been a lengthy campaign of discriminatory harassment. In exceptional circumstances, the top band can be exceeded.
Subsequent case law established that a 10% uplift should be applied to any award and that the Vento bands should be increased annually in line with inflation.
For claims brought on or after 6 April 2019 the current bands are:
**Please Note Stress & Anxiety Compensation:
In case of prolonged symptoms, your compensation claims could range between £48,000 to £101,000.
For mild psychiatricdamage, your compensation claims could range between £1,300 to £5,000.
Business Emotional Distress.
Tortious interference, also known as intentional interference with contractual relations (is a business dispute), in the common law of torts, occurs when one person intentionally damages someone else’s contractual or business relationships with a third party, causing economic harm.
As an example, someone could use blackmail to induce a contractor into breaking a contract; they could threaten a supplier to prevent them from supplying goods or services to another party, or they could obstruct someone’s ability to honor a contract with a client by deliberately refusing to deliver necessary goods.
A tort of negligent interference occurs when one party’s negligence damages the contractual or business relationship between others, causing economic harm, such as, by blocking a waterway or causing a blackout that prevents the utility company from being able to uphold its existing contracts with consumers.
Can you sue your ex for emotional distress?
Yes, you can, as a general rule, you can sue for emotional distress, if your ex has caused you mental health issues and as a consequence, you are depressed and have PTSD you can sue this person.
In fact, whether you are filing an insurance claim or pursuing a personal injury action in court, your emotional distress damages are accounted for as a significant part of your financial recovery.
To prove a claim for intentional infliction of emotional distress a plaintiff must prove that:
The defendant’s conduct was outrageous and caused you distress.
The conduct was either reckless or intended to cause emotional distress
As a result of the defendant’s conduct the plaintiff suffered severe emotional distress (depression, PTSD, anxiety, stress, social disconnection, ocd).
Causes of Emotional Distress Include:
Loss of a Job
Medical Malpractice & Negligence
PTSD from witnessing a loved one’s premature death
Insecurity of knowing the unkown, when an entity playing mind games with your financial status and does not respond to you in a quick and timely manner.
Symptoms of Emotional Distress:
Loss of Apetite or Comfort Eating.
Insomnia, finding it hard to sleep.
Social Distancing, pulling away from people and things.
Feeling lethargic, having low or no energy
Having unexplained aches and pains, such as constant stomach aches or headaches
Low Self Esteem. Feeling helpless or hopeless
Excessive smoking, drinking, or using drugs, including prescription medications
Thinking of hurting or killing yourself or someone else.
Often cases such as domestic violence can lead the victim to either criminal or civil proceedings, and he or she will need to decide which option to follow first or which to devote energy to before seeking both options. Emotional distress is usually one aspect of pain and suffering that the judge may award in compensation.
Although the above explains the legal side of things you have to be prepared to name and blame the entities and expect the repercussions of the aftermath of your litigation.
You have two choices and that is you let your negative feeling go and never mention them again (bury your emotions) or you go down the route to seek monetary compensation.
In my lifetime I would have already been a millionaire by now had I chosen to sue everyone that did me wrong.
Feeling Suicidal is when a person is in a very dark place metaphorically speaking when they have lost the will to live and they see no other way of escaping from the nightmare they are in.
The rise in suicides likely to be linked to austerity – but the story behind each suicide is complex.
When a person has lost all hope and the will to live they cannot see anything else other than dying. They believe that once they die their nightmare will be over and they will not feel anguish, sadness, loneliness, or despair. They do believe the grass is greener on the other side but is it though?.. Some people believe if you commit suicide you go to hell. So if life feels like hell right now, the real hell will be far worse.
When a person falls into this state of feeling hopeless when nothing is working out fine for them and no one understands them or cares or bothers with them it is understandable they may sink deeper into the abyss.
Most of our depression is fueled by fear, loss, and grief. “Disabled Entrepreneur UK” covers all topics in all categories (I have linked some of the topics in this article).
There are many factors that can cause a person to feel so low:
They feel like a failure, they have nothing to show for their life, they fear failure.
They have lost their job.
They have lost their home, through evicition or natual disaster, divorce, seperation or money problems such as bankruptcy or not being able to keep up with the mortgage payments.
They have lost their family through death or family fued.
They have or are going through a divorce and are losing their home, their children and their money.
They have been robbed.
Their business is going under.
They have lost their life partner, through seperation, or death.
They have lost their child through miscarrage, illness or accidental death.
They are discriminated, humiliated or made a mockery of. They have people or institutes that judge them.
The have financial burdens that if their money was taken away how would they cope (benefits).
They feel no one cares or understands them and every time they reach out people do not take them seriously.
They are stuck in a physically and mentally abusive relationship.
They are being bullied in school or in the workplace.
Harrassment because of sexual orientation, religion, skin colour, beliefs, ethnicity.
They have no friends.
They feel lonely.
They feel the world has turned against them.
Their family and friends have turned against them because or their sexual orientation, religion or beliefs.
They are the abuser in a domstic viilent relationship and have they gone too far with their actions and feel worried they will get caught.
Many adults will experience feelings of hopelessness or suicidal thoughts at some point in their lives.
This could be because they do not have a close support network that understands them (friends/family/co-workers) and they may feel embarrassed to reach anyone in their network for the fear of being laughed at or for the worries they have to be brushed under the carpet so to speak.
SIGNSTO LOOK OUT FOR.
Crying For No Reason.
Hating Everything and Everyone.
Talking about Death or Suicide.
“If you are feeling suicidal, the most important thing is to talk to someone“.
“If authoritarian institutions try to judge or discriminate against a person for their mental health, remind them no one is perfect and everyone could be in the same shoes as a suicidal person one day feeling life is not worth living”.
When you feel sad and lonely and feel you have no one to turn to there are organizations specifically designed to help people going through what you are going through. They are not discriminating or judgemental they actually care about you as they would not be there otherwise. They are there to lend an ear, you do not even have to say your real name. You just need to take the brave steps to reach out that is all you have to do.
If you are going through a difficult time, you may be feeling isolated and disconnected from your friends, family, or other groups. It might it difficult to start a conversation about your feelings, therefore there are organizations such as the Samaritans that can listen to your problems and perhaps steer you in the right direction. But it’s important that you let the people around you know how you are feeling. It’s important to remember that people in these organizations care and will want to help you.
Saying that, be prepared for the people in your immediate circle that may be oblivious to your sadness and may try to back away because they have their own problems.
The best people to start with are the ones that have been professionally trained, such as a GP or Mental Health Organisation. Not everyone in your close network of friends and family will understand or even want to help you, so keep that in mind.
What to do if you are experiencing suicidal thoughts
Your GP should be the first point of contact for any issues affecting your physical and mental health, including suicidal thoughts. They will also be able to diagnose a state of depression or anything in your lifestyle that may be contributing to how you may be feeling.
If you do not have a GP but need to speak with a doctor urgently, you can call NHS non-emergency number on 111 and they will direct you to the nearest available walk-in centre or doctor’s surgery.
Tips for coping with suicidal feelings:
Try not to think about the future, just focus on the present and getting through the day, start by taking baby steps.
Avoid drugs or alcohol, these will only add fuel to the fire.
Go to a safe place like a friend’s house, family or public area, avoid being stuck at home alone, go somewhere where there are people around.
Start a journal, this could be a physical book or online blog.
Find a reason to help others through your personal story.
Do something you usually enjoy.
If you are about to harm yourself or have already done so, call 999 as soon as possible or go to Accident and Emergency (A&E) at the nearest hospital.
Professional suicide support services
If you’re feeling very low, you can contact any of the professional support services below for free.
Sane Line – call 0300 304 7000 (available 4.30pm – 10.30pm every day)
Papyrus Hopeline – call 0800 068 4141, text 07786209697 or email firstname.lastname@example.org (available 10am – 10pm weekdays, 2pm – 10pm weekends and bank holidays)
The Mental Health Foundation is concerned but not surprised by the latest UK suicide figures. They are in line with other evidence of the distress people are feeling, such as rates of self-harm and self-reported feelings of shame.
Some of the rises in the number of suicides may be due to a change in the rules in England and Wales about how coroners should record suicides. However, it is currently too soon to know what difference the change has made.
Whenever a person takes their own life, there is a complex story behind it.
There is also not a single simple explanation for the increase in the number of people taking their own lives, but it is likely to be linked with economic austerity. We know that suicide rates are linked with people’s uncertainty about their financial futures, unemployment, persistent inequality, loneliness, discrimination, and ill-health.(Citation/Credit).
Asking about suicide does not encourage it, nor does it lead a person to start thinking about it; in fact it may help prevent it, and can start a potentially life-saving conversation
Note From the Editor.
However, I have to agree to disagree, I suffer from Mental Health Issues and on my last PIP assessment I was asked that very question, have I had suicidal thoughts.
Firstly I would not admit to anyone if I had them or not.
Secondly if I did not have those thoughts I basically was given a loaded gun because if I was not thinking about it before, I most certainly was thinking it now and had a seed planted in my head, which I could have easily gone through with it had I have been in that state of mind.
“The difference is I do have everything to live for and can teach people including institutions asking someone directly if they are feeling suicidal can go one of two ways and one has to tread carefully”.
“One needs to be subtle and not cause a person to immediately go on the defense and on guard. No one will admit they feel suicidal especially to a stranger unless they actively are looking to get help and are prepared to get the support they need”.
For me personally, this crossed my mind on the odd occasion, but I was not telling a PIP assessor who I did not know and besides my own personal story is complex, it is not one incident but many incidents with many people’s/entities actions that I can blame over many years that have caused me to feel depressed”.
“As I walked away with a loaded gun that the PIP Assessor had metaphorically given and had I not found the strength to over-ride my thoughts I very much doubt you would be reading my story today”.
I have since learned that one can over-ride one’s thoughts with neuroscience which I am actively researching. I hope to publish my findings in the near future.
What assessors should ask instead is:
Have you been feeling low?
Do you feel you can talk to someone?
How often do you feel low?
Do you have friends or family you can talk to?
Do you feel hopeless?
Do you feel worthless?
Do you feel the world is against you?
Do you know of any support networks you can reach out to?
Do you turn to alcohol or recreational drugs to surpress your thoughts?
Do you feel your thoughts are very intrusive?
Do you isolate yourself from society?
Can you cope with life?
Do you have any hobbies?
Do you feel proud of yourself?
Has anyone tried to hurt you physically or mentally?
World Health Organisation:
According to “WHO” Nearly 800,000 people die by suicide in the world each year, which is roughly one death every 40 seconds.
Suicide is the 2nd leading cause of death in the world for those aged 15-24 years.
Depression is the leading cause of disability worldwide.
FINAL THOUGHTS FROM THE EDITOR.
When someone you know looks or behaves not their usual self, ask them if they are ok and that they can talk to you whenever they want with no pressure. Always be kind to people as you do not know what they are going through or feeling.
Never be judgemental or dictate to them what they should or should not do. Everyone has the ability to make their own decisions for their own reasons. If you have an opinion tell it once, it is up to the person to listen, continue bombarding the person with your opinions will eventually make the person withdraw from you. If people do not want to listen or take on board your advice do not force it on them.
If you say you are going to phone someone, stick to it, and never give empty promises as that person could just be waiting for you (CD) as there are consequences to our actions.
Do not be that family member that only reaches out once a year at Christmas. Phone the person regularly throughout the year. Get the distant relative involved in your life, do not disregard them like leftover meat. Phone them if they are not inclined to meet with you.
If you are a good person you will spread awareness that people do not have to go through things alone, share your story so that people can relate to you.
If you do not have a job and no one wants to employ you, then create a job and be your own boss. I can motivate and inspire anyone.
Nothing is so bad that you cannot overcome the problem(s) you are faced with, believe me, I know, I have been there, done that, and got the t-shirt. In fact, it did cross my mind on the odd occasion but found a way to get through it. Besides, I have a family and a business I am grateful for having a roof over my head and food to eat. Find the things you are grateful for and think there is always someone worse off than you. Where there is a will there is a way. Obstacles are there so that we can learn how to overcome them. Life is a lesson to be learned.
So if I can survive with everything I have gone through over the years, so can you.
Suicide is so very final and there is no guarantee what you will be faced with on the other side. It could be as some believe that people who commit suicide go straight to hell and some countries do not give people proper burials just dump their bodies in mass graves. It’s ironic that the actor who played the character Chris Nielsen (Robin Williams) “What Dreams May Come” in a film about suicide, committed suicide. Even famous people have demons and get depressed. (Rich and Depressed).
I have been pushed to my limits many times including when I lost both my parents and my brother but I have also had to deal with domestic violence not to mention losing someone I loved. This is part of the grieving process.
There will always be people who will try to be judgemental and will think they are better than you. Let it all go over your head, no one on this planet is better than you. Just because they may be more educated, have social status, or are some sort of institution or royalty, behind every company, there is a human being doing exactly the same as you, eating, sleeping, and surviving.
Heart palpitations are heartbeats that become more noticeable.
Heart palpitations could feel like your heart is pounding, fluttering, or beating erratically. These symptoms can also cause you to feel nauseous and light-headed.
Palpitations are the onset of a trigger response and even though they may seem alarming, in most cases they’re relatively harmless and are not a sign of a serious problem.
People with heart palpitations may feel an extra or missed beat. These are known as ectopic beats and are also usually nothing to worry about.
My own personal experience.
“Today Saturday 18th September 2021 I am home alone. I have just had an argument with a hosting provider trying to scam me and whilst on the phone, I could feel my blood pressure rising and I started to shout at theperson on the other end of the phone.
It has been two hours since I ended the first call, I have had made many since then and done 3 posts and I am still feeling dizzy and my heart is pounding. I am trying to calm myself down but it is not easy when you are talking to stupid people. Their total disregard for your health and ignorance makes my blood boil”.
“I also feel very sick and even though I have eaten I am not feeling very well at all”.
Causes of heart palpitations
Typical causes of heart palpitations include:
emotions and psychological triggers
heart rhythm problems
other medical conditions
Common triggers of heart palpitations include:
work related stress
money problems stress
drinks containing caffeine, such as coffee, tea and energy drinks
illegal drugs, such as cocaine, heroin, amphetamines, ecstasy and cannabis
rich or spicy foods
In most cases, the palpitations will go away on their own. However, changing your lifestyle and life choices can help with avoiding these triggers and may help stop them from coming back.
Emotional or psychological triggers
Heart palpitations are also often caused by emotions or psychological issues, such as:
excitement or nervousness
stress or anxiety
panic attacks – an overwhelming sense of anxiety or fear, accompanied by feeling faint or light headed, feeling sick, sweating, trembling and palpitations
Learning how to breathe and how to deal with a panic attack may help if you’re feeling stressed, anxious, or wound up.
Although learning how to deal with panic attacks is common sense, sometimes a trigger can happen unexpectedly and in that case, you do not have time to think straight, and doing breathing exercises especially if you are in the middle of an argument, can prove to be difficult unless you remove yourself from the equation.
Palpitations can occasionally be triggered by some medicines, including:
asthma inhalers, such as salbutamol and ipratropium bromide
high blood pressure (hypertension) medicines, such as hydralazine and minoxidil
antihistamines, such as terfenadine
antibiotics, such as clarithromycin and erythromycin (I’m allegic to erythromycin)
antidepressants, such as citalopram and escitalopram
antifungal medicines, such as itraconazole
Speak to a GP if you think a medicine may be causing your heart palpitations. But do not stop taking a prescribed treatment without first getting medical advice.
“The problem with me is that my GP has made no effort to contact me other than the practice manager and the cluster pharmacist that read my letter which was received 25th May 2021 and marked confidential. So my faith and trust in this particular practice have gone straight out of the window. If I need medical attention I will just go straight to A&E”.
Heart palpitations in women can sometimes be the result of hormonal changes that happen during:
In these cases, the palpitations are usually temporary and not a cause for concern.
Heart rhythm problems
Heart palpitations are sometimes caused by a problem with the heart rhythm (arrhythmia), such as:
atrial fibrillation – this is the most common type, where the heart beats irregularly and faster than normal
atrial flutter – a fast and irregular heartbeat
supraventricular tachycardia (SVT) – abnormally fast heart rate
ventricular tachycardia – a more serious condition where the regular heartbeat is typically fast. It can be associated with dizziness or blackouts
Some heart palpitations may be associated with other types of heart conditions, such as:
a problem with the heart valves, such as mitral valve prolapse
hypertrophic cardiomyopathy – where the heart muscle and walls of the heart become enlarged and thickened
heart failure – where the heart is unable to pump blood around the body properly
congenital heart disease – birth defects that affect the normal workings of the heart
Some of these conditions can be serious and often require treatment.
Other medical conditions
Other conditions that can cause heart palpitations include:
an overactive thyroid (hyperthyroidism) – where the thyroid gland produces too much of the thyroid hormones
a low blood sugar level (hypoglycaemia) – this is most commonly associated with diabetes
types of anaemia, which affects the red blood cells
postural or orthostatic hypotension – dizziness and low blood pressure triggered by changing position (such as standing up)
a high temperature
When to see a GP
You do not usually need to see a GP if the palpitations pass quickly and only happen occasionally. They’re unlikely to be caused by a serious problem and probably will not need treatment.
But it’s a good idea to see a GP if:
the palpitations last a long time, do not improve or get worse
you have a history of heart problems
you’re concerned about the palpitations
To help find the cause, a GP may:
ask about your symptoms and medical history
arrange a blood test
carry out an electrocardiogram (ECG) to check your heart rate (if the GP has the equipment available)
If you cannot have an ECG at the GP surgery or the GP wants to arrange heart monitoring over a longer time period, you may be referred for tests at a local hospital.
When to get emergency help
Call 999 for an ambulance or go to your nearest A&E if you have heart palpitations and any of the following symptoms:
severe shortness of breath
chest pain or tightness
dizziness or light-headedness
fainting or blackouts
These symptoms could indicate a serious or potentially life-threatening heart problem that should be checked by a doctor straight away.
The Difference Between Anxiety Attack Vs. Panic Attack.
As most of my readers are aware I suffer from OCD and Anxiety. I have suffered for over 35 years. With this in mind, I have decided to look into alternative therapy (hypnosis) to try and help myself and people like me.
Since the beginning of lockdown 2020, I have not ventured out of my home. All grocery is delivered and the nearest interaction I have with humans physically is when I have to meet and greet couriers or workmen and that suits me fine. I am the happiest and at home in my own environment.
I conduct all my business online and do not need to have face-to-face meetings.
However, this is more complicated and easier said than done. My friends are understanding and are happy to give me the space I need but my family on the other hand is another matter.
First off, someone said to me towards the beginning part of this year, that it was unhealthy of me to stay home 24/7 and that I should go up the road for 10 minutes each day.
I used to train ‘Muay Thai Kickboxing‘ and used to spend an hour at home exercising using DVDs before hitting the gym, so if I wanted to have any exercise I could in the comfort of my home without having to take the mindless waste of time walks as what was suggested. Besides standing outside waiting for delivery drivers gives me all the fresh air I need.
My time is better spent working and learning rather than walking up the road for no reason, I get my ten minutes each day waiting for the couriers as I cannot sprint down the stairs like I used to prior to having a vicious attack on my knee which left me unable to walk very far or down the stairs as easily as I used to be able to do.
However my extended family are the least bit interested in my explanations and are narrow-minded and simply think I am making excuses, how little do they know about my health or my life for that matter.
The other suggestion at the beginning part of this year was that once lockdown was lifted we should all meet up and go to dinner. I explained I have not had the vaccine jabs without going into any details about why I had not and cannot have the vaccine.
The response was if not for myself how about protecting the population to which I replied about herd immunity.
So because of this conversation, it then went on the grapevine that I do not go out, which has raised alarm bells amongst my closest family members.
Most do not bother with me and only talk to me at Christmas (small talk) yet they have my well-being at heart and concern themselves about my health, ironically, and think it is right to be judgemental of my actions.
Just because I have OCD does not make me insane, I am still in control of my faculties and can decide what is good for me and what is not. If I can write this post I am certainly an abled body person, just because my brain works differently does not make me less of a person or pitied upon.
I do not go out for a few reasons:
I do not want to risk catching Covid as I am more susceptible of contracting it without being vaccinated.
I have developed Social Anxiety and simply do not want to interact physically with other people.
My OCD has got worse because I am more paranoid about germ contamination and have dedicated my life to beating this disease by researching neuroplasticity and hypnosis. I have already completed one course and will document my findings on www.ocd.cymru which I happen to own.
I run a business I do not have spare time off to take off work, taking time off work means I have to pay someone to do my job. Since Lockdown I lost a lot of business so I am now trying to get back on my feet again. I have survived unlike businesses like Debenhams, Top Shop etc, so I am fortuante I have got a business.
None of this is taken into consideration or matters to my family (extended or otherwise) I feel my disability because it is invisible people make the assumptions that it is not real and they get on the superior high horse casting judgment.
Therefore in anticipation of what is about to transpire in the next week, I have been put on the spot and feel this is a test to see if I am simply making things up, I PREDICT I may have a PANIC ATTACK, seeing as I have ANXIETY ISSUES simply thinking about it.
I am so desperately trying to not work myself up as the day draws near.
So although I feel that some of my family means well in a certain capacity, because they do not know the full picture of my circumstances and some even live abroad and only see me every once in a while they do not fully comprehend my life, my health, or my work and simply do not understand.
I had one family member in South America asked when I was going to visit. The trip is not a taxi cab away and I have a business to run and the response I had was “so you can’t afford to come over then?” ……..automatically judging me.
In my defense, I cannot afford to catch Covid, my business is my baby and I will not let anything happen to it.
The sheer thought of going into the city and meeting my family member, mingling around strangers that may or may not be carrying the virus is causing me a great deal of anxiety and distress and this is in the UK never mind in some foreign country.
If I live to tell the tale unless and unless a miracle happens, Covid is eradicated, my Social Anxiety and OCD subsides, you will not see me venturing out again for a very long time after this unless I am cured of my disabilities and the virus has gone.
Anxiety vs Panic.
The terms anxiety attack vs. panic attack are often used interchangeably, but they have two they have very different meanings.
Anxiety is a prolonged build-up of worry but a panic attack is sudden. Whilst both have similar symptoms, there are definite distinctive differences between the two and the length of time one suffers. They also may differ in how they are triggered, and how they are treated.
Although there are similarities between the two, we need to fully comprehend the difference, as well, such as analyze risk factors, physical symptoms, and how to treat an attack, so that you can accurately document symptoms and problems to your doctor.
Both conditions are treated differently, so it is important to diagnose whether you are having anxiety attacks or panic attacks.
Early Signs and Symptoms
One of the main differences between anxiety attacks vs. panic attacks is how they start.
An anxiety attack usually has a gradual or prolonged onset. Just as I am experiencing now the simple thought of seeing one of my family members is causing me great anxiety and distress.
If I have not hugged or touched my daughter for the last 10 years imagine having to physically interact with a close relative in the midst of the Covid Pandemic, without offending them.
Other symptoms of anxiety usually precede it. It is also usually caused by a specific situation that can be narrowed down as the cause of the anxiety attack.
However, panic attacks are not obvious and come on spontaneously. They have an immediate onset, usually out of the blue, with no gradual build-up.
These types of attacks can come on without warning, regardless of the situation going on around you. Usually, it is a trigger to a response. Similarly, if I had a call out of the blue that I had to go out of my comfort zone I would most probably have a panic attack.
Sometimes an anxiety attack may turn into a panic attack especially if there has been a gradual build-up as in my case. The body is already in defense mode and is simply waiting for a trigger.
There are some similarities in the symptoms between anxiety attack vs. panic attack. While the physical symptoms are remarkably similar, they can vary in intensified intrusive thoughts and feelings between the two types of attacks. Anxiety attacks come with more prolonged thought than panic attacks which are sudden.
Anxieties are gradual feelings of apprehension or worry, distress, restlessness, or fear. These symptoms usually start before the actual attack and persist long after the attack is over.
Panic attacks are sudden, you may have similar symptoms as an anxiety attack but these symptoms are more intensified. With a panic attack, you may feel you are gasping for air or feel light-headed and want to be sick or you may experience a debilitating fear and a feeling of being afraid of losing control and everything is caving in around you. You may even have physical symptoms of the attack that may make you feel as though you are about to die.
Panic attacks also tend to come with a feeling of detachment from the world around you, called derealization, or detachment from yourself, called depersonalization. A panic attack may cause you to distance yourself from everything and everyone.
Physical Symptoms Of Both
The physical symptoms of anxiety attack vs. panic attack are the same. The difference here is in the intensity. One study found that anxiety attacks in which a specific situation or stimuli perpetuated the attack held stronger, more intense physical symptoms than panic attacks that came on out of the blue.
The most common physical symptoms of anxiety and panic attacks are:
Feeling Faint, Dizziness/lightheadedness
Feeling Sick, Nausea
Tightness of the Chest and Chest pain
Feeling Hot and Sweating
Gasping for Air, Shortness of breath
Other symptoms that may occur with anxiety and panic attacks include:
Finding it hard to swallow, tightness in the throat, feeling as though you are choking
Uncontrolable Shuddering and Trembling or Shaking
Pins and Needles, Numbness or tingling
A headache with an onset of a Migraine
Physical symptoms can be similar with both anxiety or panic attacks in equal measure. However, the symptoms could be more intense and last longer with anxiety attacks, because they are situational. If the situation persists, the attack could last quite some time.
Differences In Duration
With Anxiety, the duration can be days, weeks, or months and there are distinct differences between anxiety attacks vs. panic attacks. A panic attack is sudden and comes on out of the blue and lasts only about an average of ten minutes, symptoms quickly dissipate after the attack is over.
With anxiety, the attack is likely to last until the situation changes, or you are removed from the situation. Symptoms of the anxiety attack, such as restlessness, worry, and distress, could last for some time after the anxiety attack is over.
Anxiety is the manifestation of your negative thoughts that fester in your mind. There are also differences in triggers between anxiety attacks vs. panic attacks. The exact causes or triggers of panic attacks depend on what you fear most and what is worrying you. They are sudden and may start with no discernable cause. It could be stage fright or being forced into an uncomfortable situation out of your comfort zone.
Anything can trigger a panic attack based on your fears. It is sometimes hard to determine the cause of panic attacks, although people who have certain fears and worry about certain situations may experience panic attacks when their worries start to materialize.
With anxiety attacks, the triggers depend on the situation someone is in. People with extreme social disconnection disorders may have an anxiety attack when faced with a crowd of people.
Someone who is afraid of spiders may freak out if they see one and will not go back into a room until the spider has gone. People who have a phobia of closed spaces might have an anxiety attack in a small elevator. People afraid of needs may refuse to have a vaccine. Someone who has dental anxiety might have an anxiety attack at the dentist.
People cope with anxiety and fears in different ways. Some smoke, cigarette, drink alcohol, or take prescribed or recreational drugs. So use sex as a way of release and maybe promiscuous.
There are many possible triggers for anxiety attacks. It depends on the person’s tolerance threshold of their fears. Different people have different fears, phobias, and levels of comfort with different situations. The things that trigger one person may be very different from the things that may trigger someone else.
Risk Factors For Both
It is not entirely known what causes anxiety and panic attacks. However fear is a contributing factor. The risk factors of anxiety attack vs. panic attack are the same. If you have these risk factors, you are more likely to have anxiety attacks or panic attacks. Some common denominators have been noted over time in various studies as follows:
Chronic health condition
Mental health disorder
Family history of anxiety or panic disorders
Alcohol and Drug Abuse
Differences In Treatment
Anxiety attacks are often treated as a symptom and can be treated with medication, cognitive-behavioral therapy, and hypnosis. Cognitive-behavioral therapy works in managing anxiety attacks and other mental health disorders and can help stop the gradual onset of the anxiety attack.
Panic attacks must be treated differently. Because they may be less frequent and can often not be predicted.
Therapy can be a helpful way to learn how to manage panic attacks. Therapy can help a person deal with a panic attack a little bit better if they are prepared in advance and know what to do.
What To Do If You Have An Attack
When you feel an attack coming on take slow deep breaths. Focus on your breathing and don’t allow it to quicken. It is also important to stay focus and not panic, try to control the situation with your thoughts and your breathing. Tell yourself the symptoms will pass, but you need to stay calm.
You can also use self-hypnosis relaxation techniques to help you get through the attack. Visualize a tranquil safe place and put all your negative thoughts and burn them in your mind.
Heart racing/palpitations or feeling like the heart is pounding
Difficulty breathing, gasping for air, shortness of breath
Shaking uncontrolably, sweating trembling or hot flashes
Feeling faint, light headed with the room spinning.
Pins and needles, numbness or tingling
Dissociation and disconnection
Tolerance Levels Changing
The sudden, intense panic attack symptoms often mimic the fight or flight response; the brain may perceive a threat even when there isn’t one. I have had such attacks in the past and where I was either out of my comfort zone or was in danger, I started to panic.
Can an anxiety attack turn into a panic attack?
You’ve likely heard the terms anxiety attack and panic attack used interchangeably. Though similar and interconnected in many ways, anxiety attacks and panic attacks are not the same.
Chronic anxiety can lead to anxiety attacks or states of heightened anxiety. Heightened anxiety leaves you feeling more vulnerable, so it’s not uncommon for panic attacks to evolve from this sort of emotional state.
How long do panic attacks last?
Panic attacks depend from person to person and generally last 5-20 minutes, although it has been known it can last hours or more.
How do you calm a panic attack?
There are several ways of dealing with panic disorder symptoms or a panic attack, these include deep breathing exercises, mind control with positive thoughts.
What works for one person may not work with another. Some people for instance may find that distracting themselves from their thoughts by talking with others or doing something creative is an effective way to calm themselves, whilst others might find it difficult to concentrate on anything other than their symptoms.
Controlling Panic Attacks.
Find something to distract yourself this could be reading a book, baking a cake or talking to someone.
Learn deep breathing techniques.
Practice meditation and muscle relaxation techniques.
Accept that you are having a panic attack and that, while the feeling is uncomforable the symptoms will not last forever.
Focus on positive thoughts.
What triggers a panic attack?
Panic attacks can be set off by specific situations, manifested through a triggered fear.
People who suffer from anxiety disorders, panic disorder, or other mental health conditions are more likely to experience panic attacks than others.
What alternative help other than medicationis available?
Panic attacks and chronic anxiety can be alleviated through meditation and hypnosis. However, if you’re dealing with the symptoms of panic disorder or panic attacks, it’s best to be medically reviewed and receive the diagnosis or treatment of a healthcare professional.
What Natural Remedies are there for Anxiety?
Breathing exercises concentrating on inhalation/exhalation.
Muscle relaxation exercises
Distraction – Find something to do to take your mind off things. For me it is blogging or reading a book or watching a documentary.
Scripting positive thoughts
Keeping a journal, keeping track of thoughts and anxietythis helps to recognise the triggers. Part of conquering anxiety is understanding it!
What to drink to calm nerves?
Avoid caffeinated alcohol, coffee, or tea as sometimes caffeine can sometimes amplify the feelings and sensations you’d like to avoid. Drink herbal teas instead,
Drop us an email or leave a comment below and I will send you a herbal tea book for free.
If your symptoms are chronic or severe, it may be time to seek help.
Note From The Editor.
I have heard that lavender helps to relax you and aromatherapy can help with anxiety and stress. I am trying to be brave meeting my relative and leaving my comfort zone for the first time in one and half years and will update you on how it went on the 9th of this month.
I can feel my heart racing a bit but I am distracting myself with my work and also doing some self-hypnosis sessions on myself.
I have not cured myself of OCD yet and simply interacting with other human beings is going to be very daunting and a big ordeal for me considering I will be out for the majority of the day including going somewhere to eat. I am not sure how I will cope, to be honest, so wish me luck.
Taking People For Granted, Assuming, Presuming and Mental Health.
People make assumptions as an efficient way to process the world. It is a shortcut to knowing the facts. As one Yale neurobiology professor explained, the brain’s vast neural network requires huge amounts of energy to keep it running: … One way our brain saves energy is by making assumptions. Making assumptions can ruin people’s lives.
Assume vs Presume
Presume is a verb that means to suppose, to take for granted, or to dare. Assume is a verb that means to suppose, to take for granted, to take upon, to do, or to undertake.
Assume and presume both mean “to take something for granted” or “to take something as true.” The difference between the words lies in the degree of confidence held by the speaker or writer. … ‘Presume‘ is the word to use if you’re making an informed guess based on reasonable evidence.
Therefore as an example I ask you some questions.
These are all hypothetical questions.
Would you assume for example someone could find nearly $100 per month only by giving them one month’s notice for an increase in rent? Would you presume they could afford to find the $100?
The second question would you assume someone who is self-employed to drop everything because you were arriving without even asking them if the date of your arrival was suitable for them? or would you presume they would just find the time because you snapped your fingers?
The third question would you message a VIP and assume they have time to chat with you or that they will phone you when what you could say could have been written in an email that would take a minute or two to read, or would you expect that person to take time out of their busy schedule to hear you waffle on about something that could have been put in writing? or would you presume they would drop what they are doing to casually chat with you?
Would you assume or presume that whoever you asked to call you or meet you could afford to do so? Would you assume or presume that their finances can meet the budget of an excursion for example or meeting up to go to a fancy restaurant? A self-employed person has more commitments than the average person, they have to pay the overheads of their business not just their own personal expenses.
These are all hypothetical questions that a disabled entrepreneur is faced with and I want to teach people to consider others before making rash decisions. It is unfair to put anyone on the spot regardless of their status, disability or situation.
Always discuss things and be very understanding and be respectful of someone’s wishes. Never judge based on a person’s choices.
Always find out the facts first and understand people’s circumstances before making plans or assumptions.
A self-employed person may not have the time to meet and maybe 100% dedicated to their work. “Just because you have free time or work for someone else, there is a difference. If you work for someone else your wage is guaranteed, however, if you work for yourself your income is not”.
Do take off your rose-colored tinted glasses before making plans. There is a saying “put your brain in gear before putting your mouth in motion”.
People with Rose–colored tinted glasses tend to be optimistic and have a cheerful way of looking at life. … Someone who looks at things through rose-colored tinted glasses looks on the bright side, sees the glass half full, and looks for a silver lining in all things. So their way of thinking maybe if you lose work because of a casual meet-up to not to worry as another job will come along, having a go-lucky attitude. They also may think that life is too short to worry about finances and just go with the flow and live for the moment. Their excuses will always override your thinking and you cannot win.
NEVER ASSUME OR PRESUME ANYTHING!
Do not assumeor presume that people can talk to you when they are working 24/7.
Do not assumeor presume people can meet you even for five minutes if they have a busy schedule or a critical time path and manage other people’s businesses.
Do not assumeor presume people can pull money out of their a##es just because you are demanding. Think about what this will do to a person’s mental state of mind if you go on your high horse and be expectant.
You would not expect, assumeor presume the likes of say, someone like “Elon Musk” to drop everything for you so do not think you are so special that anyone will drop everything for you.
Consider the other person’s circumstances before assumingor presuming they can travel. They may have health issues and may find it difficult to travel. Do not assumeor presume that someone with a physical or mental disability will recover miraculously within a short space of time of your arrival, never assume or presume anything.
Never assumeor presume that within a month someone can find an extra $100 per month for a rent increase when they could have lost business because of the pandemic or their job.
Never invite yourself to anyone’s home without asking them first if it is convenient, do not assume or presume that you turning up someone will drop everything for you.
“It really rattles me when people are so narrow-minded and do not care about anything apart from themselves”.
I am venting my anger because not only do I have time wasters trying to waste my precious time, attempting me to do work but refusing to sign contracts, I also have those that think they can waste my precious money.
Do take people’s circumstances into consideration especially if they are running a business and have health issues.
If you want to see someone but they are not comfortable meeting you consider Facetime, Skype, Zoom, Teams to name a few, I personally do not have to see you in person.
Do not assume or presume that I for one will drop everything for you because you are arriving, you should never put anyone on the spot and expect to meet if you know they have health issues.
Do not assume or presume that my health issues will miraculously go away within a short space of time when I personally have battled my illness for 30 years. Do not put people on the spot and force them into a situation they do not want to be in.
Do not be selfish.
Do not assumeor presume because you are turning up on a weekend that someone such as myself does not work weekends. Always find out the facts and give the other person plenty of time to make adjustments if at all possible and discuss a happy medium where both parties can agree to something, consider the person’s disabilities, and do not expect too much from that person if you care about them.
Ask in advance if that particular date is suitable for both parties concerned, do not assume or presume that they can take time off work, and be aware that may lose business because of your selfish,careless thinking.
Life lesson does not matter how old you are, if you want something from someone be prepared to compensate them for their time, service, and resources.
Never assumeor presume people’s financial circumstances or their health and never assume or presumeto take up people’s time.
Assumption can lead to resentmentand animosity. Always communicate properly and understand that people that run small businesses may not have free time especially if they are trying to build their empires. Always consider other people’s circumstances first before being selfish.
There are so many self-centered people in this world, that simply only care about themselves but live a lie pretending they care about others, do not be one of them!
Note From the Editor.
Putting my health issues aside for a moment, I run several businesses www.irenata.com, and manage over 100 websites. I support startups that may not have the money to pay for a website upfront but want a helping hand to get them started. In return, they recommend me to other businesses. Just because I have over 100 websites they may not all be payable until the end of the trial period. Where I have to dedicate at least 2-4 hours of work a month to each website, so do the maths, that is 2-4 x hours per website x 100 websites = 200 – 400 hours per month divided by 4 weeks is 50 -100 hours a week which divided by 7 daysis 7-14 hours per day without me doing anything else, so where have I find the time to meet up for a casual chit chat? I don’t and I can’t. I am not going to jeopardize my business for anyone.
This Is How My Critical Time Path Should Look Like below:
However, I cannot keep to my plan and most certainly cannot take time off work.
“So before assuming or presuming I can take time off work, take into consideration that I run several businesses of my own and manage other people’s businesses also”, so do the maths.
So before being judgemental and labeling me,I will protect my business with my life and will put it before anyone and anything else. I know there are people who are just watching and waiting for me to fail but I will not let that happen.
“Just because I have a disability does not make me crazy”.
If I choose not to waste my time walking around a park aimlessly for 10 minutes a day that’s my business. If I want fresh air I can step outside or if I want to do exercise I can do it in the comfort of my home.
I can manage my disabilities using my own methodology and do not like people trying to change my way of thinking unless I specifically ask them to.
If you have not walked in my shoes you have no right to make opinions, assumptions, or presumptions.
I am a strong believer in never knock it until you have tried it, meaning see if it works before making assumptions or criticizing, and if the CIA (Gateway Process or Project Stargate) has been doing it for over 20 years there has to be something in it. Accessing your subconscious mind and re-wiring your thoughts can benefit our lives, especially if we get stuck with repetitive thoughts that we cannot shift.
I wish in the 30 years I have suffered from OCD, depression, anxiety, stress, and PTSD that my GPs which I have had a few, could have suggested hypnosis.
It is not for me to tell them to do their jobs but no one ever suggested it and like a good little soldier I went on my merry way without questioning it or bringing it up in conversation. It was only by chance I came across some videos through social media did I really start thinking about a way to help myself. If I can find a way of not being dependant on prescribed drugs for the rest of my life, then I obviously have to give it a go.
I think as I am getting older I am getting a little wiser and have decided to explore neuroplasticity and brain training.
I have just started the art of self-hypnosis and have found a braining training motivational speaker ‘Jake Ducey’as well as the Monroe Institute. I have subscribed to Jakes’s Facebook videos and am on his mailing list. I have found the information he gives is valuable, which I am now implementing into my own life.
For years I have been programmed to think that I was not good enough, that I was a failure, I would not amount to much or have nice things. I was criticized, judged, humiliated, and belittled. I started believing everything anyone said to me.
The emphasis of this multiplied when I got involved with a narcissist that created negative energy and made my life toxic. I knew things had to change and I feel like the world has lifted off my shoulders since he has been gone.
The day I flipped the switch and said enough is enough was the day I started to think differently. Every time anyone would say something derogatory I would have an out-of-body experience. If they were directing their opinions and their judgments at my body, I immediately became numb with a hardened exterior and my body has always felt as it is a vessel and it is protecting what is my inner soul. I felt like they could do what they wanted to my body but they would never get to my soul (sticks and stones will break my bones but words will never hurt me).
Everyone is entitled to their opinion but their opinion is not my belief. They could think what they wanted about me, it was now water off a duck’s back and not significant to me. I have always thought treat people like you would wish to be treated.
I started standing up to my fears and thought “what was the best that can happen to me”, rather than my worst? I turned my negative thoughts into good thoughts and started thinking differently. I started making goals.
Where just over a decade ago I had no direction in the last few years I have started to focus. I have set goals and I know what I want but never found a way to manifest what I wanted until now.
I am paving a path. People’s perceptions and opinions of me no longer matter, I am now in control.
In my lifetime I have come across, some very cruel, rude monstrous people that have had this self-opinionated, self-entitled persona about them that they think they are better than you. I have had people with sarcastic, patronizing, opinionated attitudes try and tell me what to do or who have looked down at me and I now rise above it all, as it is only their opinion and who are they at the end of the day?
I have learned if someone is trying to hurt you, end the conversation and block them. I do not play fire with fire, if someone has an evil tongue, I bite mine. Remember silence speaks a thousand words and the universe will pay them back.
Obviously, I have a long way to go to heal as this is only the start of my journey.
I have now started to delve into brain training and mind control(Neuroplasticity) and will publish my progress over the next few months. I will start a 30-day social experiment on myself starting today 30/05/21 where I will use self-hypnosis and the eye roll technique as well as listening to “Jakes audio” and will document my findings on a daily basis which I will publish at the end of next month.
My goal is to try and stabilize my OCD, my depression, my stress, my anxiety, and my PTSD. Because of all the grief, I have endured over the years, I need to brainwash the mind of my memories. I also want to change my ultimate thinking process to manifest what I want.
Apparantly you need to practice the eye roll technique as in the pdf below:
Once you have mastered the eye roll technique you should find a quiet space to meditate and play the following audio:
You should also watch some of “Jake Ducey’s” motivational videos, which I have added open below , especially if you are going through a difficult period in your life and you are surrounded by negative or toxic people.You too also need to retrain your brain and your thought process and try these relaxation and thought-provoking techniques.
Do check out “Jake Ducey’s” website and start re-training your brain. Jake has been featured on FOX, TEDx, Entrepreneur, HuffPost, and INC, and Penguin Random House. He is a force to be reckoned with: https://jakeducey.com/
Believe it or not, The Central Intelligence Agency (CIA) and the United States Government have been using mind control and the laws of attraction for years.
The CIA technique dubbed the Gateway Experience was essentially described as a training system to bring enhanced strength, focus, and coherence to the amplitude and frequency of brainwave outputs patterns, according to the CIA report, ranged from converting energy to heal one’s body to traveling across space and time to learn and access new information. The CIA approved testing for this under the eyes of US Army Lieutenant Colonel Wayne M McDonnell. The project was classified by the CIA until 2003. McDonnell was commissioned to work on the Gateway Experience in the 1980s at a time in US history when the nation was taking a deep interest in different varieties of psychic research.
Project MKUltra (or MK-Ultra) is the code name given to a program of experiments on human subjects that were designed and undertaken by the U.S. Central Intelligence Agency (CIA), some of which were illegal. Experiments on humans were intended to develop procedures and identify drugs such as LSD to be used in interrogations in order to weaken the individual and force confessions through brainwashing and psychological torture. The project was organized through the Office of Scientific Intelligence of the CIA and coordinated with the United States Army Biological Warfare Laboratories. Other code names for drug-related experiments were Project Bluebird and Project Artichoke.
Investigative efforts were halted by CIA Director Richard Helms’s who ordered that all MKUltra files be destroyed in 1973; the Church Committee and Rockefeller Commission investigations relied on the sworn testimony of direct participants and on the relatively small number of documents that survived Helms’s destruction order. In 1977, a Freedom of Information Act requests uncovered a cache of 20,000 documents relating to project MKUltra which led to Senate hearings later that year.
Some surviving information regarding MKUltra was declassified in July 2001. In December 2018, declassified documents included a letter to an unidentified doctor discussing work on six dogs made to run, turn and stop via remote control and brain implants.
The above document “Analysis and Assessment of Gateway Process”, that also Jake refers to is downloadable, it is available through the following link below: https://jakeducey.com/CIA/
This makes me believe there is a way to manipulate one’s mind using hypnosis and Neuroplasticity tDCs.
Alternatively, if you cannot download the document for some reason, then drop us a line.
According to the Hebbian theory(Hebbs Law) is a neuroscientific theory claiming that an increase in synaptic efficacy arises from a presynaptic cell’s repeated and persistent stimulation of a postsynaptic cell. It is an attempt to explain synaptic plasticity, the adaptation of brain neurons during the learning process. It was introduced by Donald Hebb in his 1949 book The Organization of Behavior. The theory is also called Hebb’s rule, Hebb’s postulate, and cell assembly theory. Hebb states it as follows:
Let us just think that the persistence or repetition of a reverberatory activity (or “trace”) tends to induce lasting cellular changes that add to its stability. … When an axon of cell A is near enough to excite a cell B and repea cells firing B, is increased.
Grief is a debilitating devastating emotion and it can crush you. Only you will deal with the grief in your own way, there is no right or wrong way and no one can tell you otherwise.
What is grief?
Grief is a natural process that we experience when it comes to the loss of a loved one. Grief is our body’s way of coping with the emotional suffering when someone we love is taken away. We will often have an overwhelming emotion of heart-wrenching heartache.
The initial feeling of coming to terms with such an emotion can be a shock, horror, anger, disbelief, guilt, and profound sadness. Our emotions of grief can cause devasting mental health issues and can also disrupt our physical health.
Dealing with grief may make sleeping more difficult, taking care of our well-being and eating habits even going as far as loss of appetite. It can even cause us to not think properly or clearlyand cause us not to be able to perform mundane tasks, let alone more complex actions.
Dealing with grief are natural responses and emotions which are normal reactions and the more important and significant the loss, the more intense the grief will be.
Different types of Loss.
There are many ways of experiencing grief, it may not necessarily be through death but could be something that causes us to feel helpless and not in control.
Having to lose someone near and dear to you can be a life-changing event and emotion and very debilitating.
Having to learn to cope and to start life over again, not having something or someone around can be challenging and can put our mental abilities to the test.
Different Forms of Loss & Trauma.
Loss of a job
Loss of financial stability and support
Loss of Spouse through divorce
A break-up of a relationship
Loss of health
Death of a Pet
Loss of a Business
Loss of a Friend (breakdown of friendship or death)
Loss of a Parent through Death
Loss of a Sibling through Death
Loss of a Child through Death
Loss of an unborn child – Miscarriage
Loss of a Spouse, a wife, or husband through death (from a sudden event as well as a serious illness)
Loss of a family home due to financial issues or divorce
Loss of your assets because of theft (including sentimental belongings)
Loss of your pride and dignity, self-worth due to physical and mental abuse
Loss of a cherished dream, taken away because of an unexpected financial issue
Loss of your safety net through financial difficulties or mental and physical abuse
Loss of a working environment (workmates) due to retirement or changing jobs
Rape. (Loss of virginity or loss of self-worth due to rape)
Loss of self-worth through Physical and Mental Abuse (Domestic Violence)
Loss of dignity and pride, due to racism and discrimination
Loss of confidence due to humiliation, trust issues, belittlement, betrayal, and other insecurities
Loss of freedom due to incarceration
Loss of Mobility
Loss of Limbs
Loss of Sight
Life events not only are to do with death. Life events can cause us to feel the subtle loss that can trigger a sense of grief and other emotions. For example moving away to a different area due to work or other factors, leaving your school/college/uni friends due to graduation causes us to endure the feeling of separation or simply changing jobs, and leaving your workmates can all cause us to experience sadness.
Our loss is personal.
Our loss is individual and very personal to us, not everyone will understand the feeling of emptiness unless they have experienced it for themselves.
Regardless of your loss, it is personal to you. People may experience resentment, anger, or start blaming themselves if they had done things differently the loss could have been avoided.
When you suffer the loss of a person, animal, relationship, or situation which was significant to you, it can cause intense inner emotional pain of heartache. The heaviness of having a broken heart can slowly heal through therapy.
The pain will never go away but will not feel so intense over time and eventually, time will help you move on with your life.
When we grieve our mental strength can be tested to its limit.
Grieving is a very unique experience and no two losses ever feel the same. There is no ideal way to grieve it is very individual to us and we can only cope with the grieving process by how well we can cope mentally.
Not everyone has a strong mindset some people cannot cope with change regardless of how insignificant it is. In order to overcome grief, there must be an element of time and therapy and having the mental strength to move forward.
Overcoming grief depends on many factors, including your mental well-being, if you have mental health issues this can cause the problem to become worse. Your personality and ability to tackle problems and get around obstacles, your life experiences, your faith, and how significant the loss is will determine how well you heal.
Healing cannot be hurried it is a gradual process and cannot be forced. For some people, they can heal relatively quickly but for some, it may take many years. Healing cannot be measured, in weeks, months, or years, it is a persons mental state of mind that will determine how long it will take to heal.
If you try and ignore grief and not think about the ordeal, it will not go away, you need to find a way to deal with your sadness.
Crying does not mean you are a weak person. In fact, it is good to cry and release sadness and despair.
Putting on a brave face to protect your family and friends does not help anyone in the long run especially if they are grieving the same grief as you. Being open and talking about your feelings are the first steps to recovery.
If however, you are unable to show emotion that also is another way of your body copying, some people cannot show how they feel and end up bottling things up. If you cannot cry that does not mean you do not care any less, everyone has their own unique coping mechanisms.
Moving on with your life does not mean you have forgotten it just means you have re-adjusted to life without your loved ones. Moving on does not mean you have accepted the loss it just means that you can live your life without them, but continue to keep the memory alive.
Everyone will experience the loss of a loved one at some point in their lives. It is part of life itself. When our hearts are broken into smithereens it is sometimes very difficult to put them back together again.
Finding the right help, guidance, and therapy can be useful if the loss of a loved one is sudden. You do not have to do it alone and you can find someone to help you and be your support worker, to help you get through the most difficult times.
Time heals but does not forget!
First Steps to Healing.
Admit you feel sad, do not pretend that you are ok.
Talk about your sadness to your family and friends.
Make an online memorial page where others can share their stories. Create either a website or a Group on Facebook rather than a public page, which means people can share their memories and have the posts approved by a group admin member before they can access the memorial.
Start a diary (virtual or physical) or write a biography about their life.
Create a scrapbook of memories, express your feeling in a creative tangible way. (For me I preserved some leaves from my brother’s oak tree).
Get a park bench with the person’s name (Contact your local council office).
Be creative and make something that will always remind you of them. (put their photo in a locket or charm bracelet or print their image on a keepsake).
Start a foundation or raise awareness, and or give to a charity.
Surround yourself with images of the person or pet you have lost.
Share your memories and celebrate their life through anniversaries.
Understand that the feeling of grief can trigger other emotions (anger, denial, depression, etc).
Take care of yourself even though you find life meaningless (Your body is your temple).
Speak with a GP or Grief Counselor
Know the difference between grief, PTSD, and depression.
Dedicate your life to the person you have lost by public speaking.
The Five Stages of grief
Studies made by psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross in 1969 introduced what would become known as the “five stages of grief.” These stages of grief were based on her research of feelings of patients facing terminal illness. She spoke of:
It must be noted that not everyone who grieves goes through all of these five stages of grief. In some cases, people have been known not to experience any of these emotions and have managed to heal.
Elizabeth Kübler-Ross never intended for these stages to be a rigid framework that applies to everyone who mourns. In her last book before her death in 2004, she said of the five stages of grief: “They were never meant to help tuck messy emotions into neat packages. They are responses to lose that many people have, but there is not a typical response to loss, as there is no typical loss. Our grieving is as individual as our lives.”
Grief can be an ocean tears of emotions.
People in the early stages of grief may feel intense numbness or sadness and as time progresses the ocean of emotions can be high tidal waves and ebbing flowing lows. It takes time to overcome loss, with some people never fully recovering at all. Even years after a loss, especially on anniversaries, special places, special events such as holidays like Christmas and family reunions, and birthdays, the emptiness of not having the person present can be very upsetting.
Symptoms of grief
IntenseDevastating Shock and Disbelief, not being able to accept the loss.
Paralyzing Numbness of what has happened and you feel cold without and emotion or empathy.
Denial, that it is just a bad dream it has not happened and you are still expecting them to show up even in reality that they are gone. You look for them in a crowded place. (I once saw a homeless man that looked the spitting image of my brother and I gave him money and bought him food).
Anger, of why you lost someone as opposed to someone else losing someone.
Blame, Blaming yourself, had you have done things differently that this could have been avoided or not doing enough.
Questioning yourself, questioning your sanity, are you going crazy for feeling so low and questioning your faith and God.
Sadness, emptiness, despair, deep loneliness, and yearning.
Guilt, having said something that you wish you could have unsaid, feeling relieved that the person has gone and is not suffering or the guilt of not doing enough to prevent them from dying.
Fear, of how, will you cope without them emotionally and being alone as well as coping financially, how will you be able to live without them.
Anger, you may feel disdain for everyone around you because they are living and breathing and your loved one is not. Even feeling resentful to the doctors that should have done more to save the person.
Abandonment, feeling angry because the person has abandoned you even though you would have given your life for them.
Robbed, feeling like the person has been stolen from you and an injustice has been done.
Physical & Mental symptoms of grief.
Fatigue, grief can manifest in many ways, some people feel very tired and just want to curl up in a ball and sleep all the time and not do anything else, hoping that life will be different when they wake or sleep because life is pointless to stay awake and do anything.
Insomnia, some people simply cannot sleep, they overthink and may be up all night worrying and obsessing.
Isolation, some people isolate and no longer wish to be sociable. (This is me in a nutshell)
Depression, intense sadness 24/7 that you cannot shake, whilst others are inconsolable and cry all the time.
Weight, grief can also affect your physical health by either make you gain weight or lose weight.
Substance Abuse, some people start smoking, drinking, or take recreational drugs just to numb out the hollowness and loneliness they are feeling.
Lowered Immunity, poor diet, and other physical attributes can cause lowered immunity which in turn causes the person to be susceptible to other illnesses.
Mental Illness, grief can also lead to anxiety, stress, depression, and PTSD, the trauma of losing a loved one can also cause mental illnesses such as OCD.
Coping with grief is always a very delicate matter and it is your own personal preference how to try to deal with it. Talking to your friends and family is always a good idea as well as your GP and Health Professional that are expert in grief counseling. The relief of talking to someone can help lessen the burden of your loss. Listening to other people’s recollections and memories of the person that has died help you to find closure.
However, if you turn to friends they may not be able to help you as you would expect especially if they have never experienced grief themselves.
Close friends in particular often do want to help but don’t know-how, if they have not experienced death firsthand.
If you need help with arranging funeral directors, planning a wake, and sorting out finances then appoint someone that can manage all your affairs, they do not necessarily have to be a friend but a funeral planner company that offers the services. Understand that some people may feel awkward about helping so turning to a professional institution can help take some of the stress away.
People who have never experienced death will not understand what you are going through they can second guess but until they experience it for themselves they may not be able to give you the full support you need.
Not having the right support can make things difficult if your friends are unsure how to comfort you and they may feel like they are walking on eggshells in the fear of saying or doing something wrong. This is why it is good to speak with a professional or join a group.
If you are religious try to turn to your faith to find peace, alternatively if you are questioning your faith and God go to your church and arrange a talk with the clergy. People find going to church and praying or spending time at the graveside comfort.
There are many social media support groups that you can join as well as finding physical meeting places. If you want to interact physically or virtually, take the first steps to counsel and sharing your sorrow with people who have experienced similar loss as you. . To find a bereavement support groups in your area, contact local hospices, funeral homes, and counseling centers.
Acknowledging you will never see your loved one again will help you heal and ease some of the pain. Acknowledge your feeling, of sorrow, despair, loneliness, and intense sadness. Understand that this is normal and you have to experience it to move on. Typical denial is trying to avoid or acknowledging and refusing to talk about and hiding away. This can lead to complications such as depression, anxiety, substance abuse, and health problems. The first step is acknowledging you will never see that person again.
Honour their life.
Plan ahead of anniversaries, make a memorial, something people can reflect and remember. Build a celebration of life events your loved one had and allow the people that knew them to join in.
Your Personal Health
Your mental and physical health is paramount. Your body is your temple therefore you should treat it like one. Get enough sleep, maintain a healthy diet, exercise regularly, and avoid substance abuse to numb the pain. If we have a healthy body we will also help to have a healthy mind.
Complicated Grief is like being stuck in an intense paralyzed state of mourning. You may not be able to accept the death and you end up obsessed andpreoccupied with the person who died which in turn disrupts your daily routine and causes problems in your other relationships.
Complicated Grief includes:
An obsessed feeling of intense longing and yearning for the loss of your loved one. Living and breathing just the person you have lost, looking and searching for anything written about them. Talking about them 24/7 in an obsessed way.
Intrusive thoughts or images of your loved one. (I have a problem with anything to do with water, like rivers and whirlpools, and cannot watch anything to do with drowning or look at images).
Panic attacks, reliving the trauma over again.
Nightmares, constant nightmares of the ordeal or the person and the circumstances.
Denial and a sense of disbelief, not coming to terms with the fact the person has actually gone. Refusing to acknowledge they have actually gone.
Avoiding, mentioning their name or the places they once went to or avoiding looking and touching things that remind you of them. (I cannot physically go back to and visit the street where my family home once wasbecause it brings back too many painful memories).
Anger and bitterness, over your loss of your loved one, hating the world and everyone in it. (I personally experienced this especially when my mum passed away, I hated the world but I am over it now, I do have different anger now where my brother is laid to rest, which I was not consulted over).
Feelingthat life is pointless and that there is no reason to carry on. (Suicidal Thoughts).
If your loved one died an unexpected sudden death either a heart attack or something that was an accident, violent or disturbing you may be experiencing complicated grief which can manifest as psychological trauma or PTSD, (my brother died by drowning).
The sudden loss of a loved one where you have had no time to prepare for their passing means you will experience intense crushing shock. It will feel the whole world is falling apart around you and you are sinking. It will make you feel helpless and you will be struggling with upsetting irrational emotions, memories, and anxiety that won’t go away, if this is the case you will have been traumatized.
Knowing the difference between grief and depression
Thinking and obsessing over a person 24/7, week in week out is called depression. If you are consumed by the loss and nothing else matters and no matter what you do you cannot shake the feeling of contestant emptiness and despair you have depression and you need to speak with your GP as soon as possible. Knowing the difference between grief and clinical depression isn’t always easy as they share many similar attributes. When you’re in the middle of the grieving process, you will still have moments of pleasure or happiness, depending on how intense and complicated your grief is. With depression the feelings of emptiness and despair are constantand if it consumes your life 24/7 you need to seek help from a Health Professional.
Symptoms of Depression.
An intense, sinking feeling of hopelessness.
An obsession that you cannot step out of (which could be an obsession about the person who has departed or the obsession about death).
Suicidal Thoughts, or a preoccupation with dying or planning ways how to die.
Hopelessness or worthlessness.
Feeling fatigued and lethargic.
Slow speech and body movements, because you have no need to rush.
Not being able to function properly, (at home, at work, and/or at school/college or University). It could also be not being able to make important decisions or manage finances.
Imagination, Seeing, or hearing things that aren’t there.
Medication is usually prescribed for people who have depression, anxiety, stress disorders, insomnia, and mental health problems as well as physical illnesses. In most cases, grief does not warrant the use of antidepressants unless the grief is intense and complicated. Sometimes people who are inconsolable may be prescribed valium to calm them down or other sedatives. For people who have intense grief that is inconsolable, they may be referred to a counselor for grief therapy.
It is unadvisable to self-medicate or to use recreational substances such as alcohol or drugs as numbing the pain only prolongs the grief process rather than helping the person come to terms and heal. It is like putting a band-aid on a gaping wound and when they sober up the reality of the fact is still there.
Seeking Professional Help.
If the pain is unbearable and you feel your world is crashing down around you you need to seek professional help straight away. If you leave your symptoms untreated, complicated grief and depression can lead to significant mental health issues and emotional damage, life-threatening health problems, and even suicide.
Contact a grief counselor or professional therapist if you:
If you feel you cannot cope and your life is crashing down around you and cannot perform simple tasks or manage to make important or even simple decisions.
If you are obsessing over the person 24/7, week in week out, and your life is consumed with every thought of the person that has died.
If you feel like life isn’t worth living anymore because the person is no longer in your life.
If you wish you had died with your loved one.
If you are having suicidal thoughts.
If you blame yourself for the loss or not doing enough to prevent them from dying.
If you feel total numbness to society and prefer to disconnect from people and isolate yourself.
Note From The Editor.
In my lifetime I have experienced death many times from when I was little I paid my respects to a boy in an open upright coffin, who had fallen from a cherry tree in Poland, I think I was 10 at the time. Then a family friend died approximately 12 hours before his wedding from a heart attack something like eleven years later and I had to console his fiance. When I came to Wales and worked at the Holiday Resort in Barry Island (Majestic Centre) in 1992, I had to console a holidaymaker’s wife and son because the husband had a heart attack and died.
Then in 1992 a close friend of mine, a very beautiful successful singer who toured Europe and was famous in a band in Germany but came back to live in Wales, committed suicide in Dinas Powys.
Years later I then experienced personal grief where my father passed away in 2004 and then my mother in 2007 and then the most crushing and devasting blow was when my brother in 2010 died in a freak accident and most recently my ex-husband only last week 16/05/21
For me, the coping process is to surround myself with photos and memories of the people I have lost and to keep their memory alive by talking and writing about them.
This is my way of coping as even after the passing of both my parents and my brother I am still grieving in my own way and occasionally when I have time to reflect I am consumed with intense sadness but find keeping myself busy and not having time to think helps me to carry on.
Most recently my ex-husband passed away and again I feel sadness as I always cared about him and never stopped. (I wrote a memorial post expressing my feelings it was my way of coping with the sad news, I do not think I needed permission for that as it is part and parcel of the grieving process and everyone’s grief is differentand how you cope is entirely your choice).
The news was shocking to me that he had died. I thought I had time to make amends as that was my ultimate goal. I am now consumed with guilt and regret that I should have reached out when I had the opportunity, I just took him for granted he would always be around and that I had plenty of time.
I have learned you do not know what is around the corner waiting for us and building bridges is a must if you do not want to have regrets. Finding forgiveness and putting all indifferences aside are the first steps to healing and moving on.
There is no time like the present to say “sorry”, what is done is done you cannot turn back the clock but you can move forward, saying “I love you” can mean a lot and may make a difference, also remember to create memories.
For me, I have experienced complicated sudden death five times and I have also experienced one particular emotion of anger.
My anger still manifests inside of me eleven years on, because of the circumstances where my brother was laid to rest. I was not consulted on the location other than it was the Woodland Trust and where his ashes are it is no longer ‘Woodland Trust Land’ but private land as I believe the land changed hands within the last few years.
Not only that my anger festers inside over something someone once said to me about six months after my mother’s passing “so how long are you going to expect to grieve for?” I never forgot those words and never have forgotten the person that said them to me (J.M). The words were cutting and heartless and it was like rubbing salt into a gaping wound.
So in order for me to ever pay my respects to my brother or visit the oak tree is no longer possible. Some will say his spirit has left and is now just energy surrounding us and in a way, I do agree but it also nice to have a place to go to remember the person and to reflect. Maybe in time, I may find the strength to forgive but as it stands I still have the anger embedded in my soul.
My brother in his will said he wanted his ashes buried in woodland but never said exactly where. I am sure there is a ‘Woodland Trust’ where my parents are buried. I was told the reason for the location was it was my brother and his partner’s special place they visited often. What about his family that obviously did not matter? The location is nowhere near ‘Lake Windermere’ but in the middle of a field on the outskirts.
His partner at the time took it upon herself to make the arrangements without consulting me. Having his ashes in the middle of a field approximately 257 mi (413 km) is not ideal and now is virtually impossible to visit. I have other grievances but will focus on the subject of grief.
I am now carrying the emotion of guilt and regret that I should have reached out to my ex-husband sooner and told him how I really felt.
I have also experienced other types of grief not to do with death, such as relationship breakups, divorce, losing a business, loss of self worth due to physical and emotional abuse, loss of dignity, loss of assets. I won’t go into everything individually but I have carry many war wounds.
I suffer from clinical depression and OCD it is manageable with the medication I take. I have been on my medication for many years now, I am now looking into neuroplasticity as a form of treatment.
This is a sad post but it is my way of coming to terms with my mentor, someone I looked up to and respected and someone I learned a lot from.
Dealing with death the fifth time round should be a walk in the park for me but I can tell you it is not.
To think that I lost a good friend to suicide, lost both my parents and my brother and now my ex-husband feels like I have been robbed all over again. The feeling is so very final, you cannot pick the phone and talk to them you cannot say sorry or that you love them. The feeling is sheer cold, dark, hollow emptiness.
The feeling is like no other it is of great sadness and despair. The feeling is also very angry and hostile one and it makes you question life and all of life’s trivialities.
The feeling is of guilt and regrets and for me not being able to speak to my ex-husband again is heartbreaking the second time around the first when we split up and the second time is now. Perhaps it was never meant to be, perhaps this was destiny’s way of saying this was how it ends?
The last time I spoke to my ex-husband was 14 years ago where he came to tell me his son had died in a car accident. He was not alone and the person he was with was not welcome but it was the right thing to do to accommodate her under the circumstances.
You take people for granted and you expect them to be around forever and I thought I had time to finish my autobiography and tell him and the world what actually happened and how I actually felt and am still feeling.
In truth, he was my knight in shining armor and things could have been different, but I guess things happen for a reason.
I wanted to tell him I was sorry for hurting him and although we have social media I wanted to tell him to his face.
I knew I had hurt him because of his behavior straight after, but he had also hurt me too. Two wrongs do not make a right but I wanted closure on something I thought I had plenty of time to say. We never had the opportunity then to talk because of all the animosity surrounding our break-up.
I did not know he was termininally ill until recently. I knew nothing.
Prior to his passing, I left a voice message on his phone, I guess he never got to listen to it 🙁 Perhaps he had even changed his number, again I do not know that either.
After our divorce, he did not want me to carry his name. I changed my name by Deed Poll from (MRS) to (MS) but still kept his name. After our divorce he got want he wanted briefly I was a ‘Maziak’ again but then decided to revert back to what would have been my married name. I will use his name with honor and pride. My name is the double barrel and although one is foreign and difficult to remember, pronounce and spell I use his surname for business. People know how to spell ‘Barnes’ as opposed to ‘Maziak’ and that is how it will stay.
So yesterday evening 16th May 2021 I was informed my ex-husband had passed away peacefully in the afternoon. At first I was stunned as if I had been winded and tried to hold enough composure not to break down.
I then decided I was going to have an early night (which is unusual for me) at around 9 pm and took my sleeping tablet and what would normally knock me out within half an hour, I found I was still wide awake 6 hours later, thinking about him and listening to ‘Stevie Wonder’ his favorite recording artist with tears streaming down my face.
I played a few songs he used to play to me “I Just Called To Say I Love You” whenever he was out on the road in the early days of our relationship, and “Yester Me -Yester You”. Plus one other song I had dedicated to him and played it to him as it reminded me of him (Heaven Must Have Sent You -The Elgins). I will add the songs to the end of this post.
He was a true gentleman through and through and at the beginning of our relationship up until we got married in 1998 for the first five years (1993 to 1998), he would give me flowers week in week out without fail.
After we got married. things changed and our marriage went pear-shaped, I will always remember and blame the phone call I received 2 days after we got married from a female security guard who wrecked our marriage. Not everyone knows the full story of our breakup and people blame me even though the truth is this woman single handily was to blame. Everyone will know the truth.
I will try not to say too much on here right now but he was my best friend and he was my knight in shining armor.
I never imagined I would never have the opportunity to speak to him again. I had hidden away from him and did not want to be found because I thought why should he know about my life when he was not in it and now my master plan backfired as I have come to realize it is now too late to turn back the clock.
Things could have turned out so differently had we have tried to salvage our marriage, although the health issues that he had, the ending would have still been the same.
With grief, it is good to keep the memory going and keep talking about the person as if they have never left.
For me writing down fond memories will be a constant reminder of people who have gone away.
My book makes reference to everyone that I lost through death and from relationship breakups. It also mentions everyone that has caused me grief. Grief is not just about death it could be a broken-down marriage. Grief is the feeling of having no control and that nothing you can do or say can change things. Grief is the end of life or the end of a relationship it is final.
I have so many unanswered questions and hopefully, one day I may get to learn the answers to them. I hope if his family read this they will know I did care. In fact, I never stopped.
One of the most frustrating experiences is having to wait. We wait to catch a bus or train. We wait in traffic jams. We wait at the doctor’s surgeries or job interviews. We wait at the car mechanic garages. We wait, and wait and wait some more.
However, people who have anxiety find waiting to be very overwhelming. An example of this is waiting for the phone to ring, waiting for a text message, or waiting for someone to arrive.
One needs patience to wait. One need s to have a high tolerance threshold and people who suffer from anxiety and depression do experience short fuses. Waiting for an answer, feeling uncertain and insecure, and not having any confidence are all contributing factors to having anxiety that can feel like torture.
For me as an example on the 1st of this month gone, I get a text message from my landlord that he wants to call round to sign a new tenancy agreement, even though I had already told him I was feeling unwell and was not up to visitors, even going as far as sending him to free digital signature software to sign documents online. Anyway, he insists he wants to do this face to face, even though I want as little human interaction as possible in which he is oblivious to my request and it has simply gone over his head. So the text message said he will be calling around and I replied he needed to give me some notice and now everything has gone silent….
I just want it over and done with and do not want it hanging over my head. I do not want to see him and the anxiety of the anticipation of his arrival is driving me crazy, not only that he is bringing someone with him as a witness, so even more human interaction.
Many people lose their patience, become bored, anxious, and angry. I personally am fuming. Not only has he increased my rent he also wants to be demanding and turn up even though I have told him I am unwell.
The amount of time that passes while waiting is often a matter of perception. One of the factors that can make a wait feel endless is awareness of time. A minute can feel like a second or vice versa if you are anxious it can feel like an eternity. If you have ever watched the clock timer on a microwave count down, you can see how time drags.
If waiting is partly a matter of perception, there are things you can do to make the time go faster.
1. If you know you have to wait at a bus or train station bring something with you to occupy your mind. This can be a book and iPad or knitting. This type of distraction will help and make you feel less likely to feel bored and restless and agitated.
2. If you are stuck in a traffic jam, listen to music or the news while keeping an eye on the road. Music helps to calm you down and soothe your emotions.
3. Standing in line in a queue before social distancing one could start small talk and chat with the next person, but with the pandemic regulations it has become more difficult and one needs to have patience in slow-moving lines at the post office or bank. The best way now to pass the time is to go on your phone (providing you have a smartphone).
4. Practicing deep breathing and muscle relaxation exercises, (these can be done without attracting attention), can relieve a lot of anxiety and stress and improve self-control. This can be done indoors and outdoors and I am finding I am taking a leaf out of my book with this as I really want to pick up the phone to my landlord and yell profanities.
Obviously, in the ideal world, you should not become enraged. However, people who have mental health issues such as I find it hard to control their anger. Getting mad only makes matters worse and I have no choice but to ride the tide. Getting angry will not speed up time and will only result in raised blood pressure, ulcers, and, ultimately, heart disease and even worse a heart attack.
For me venting my anger out via my blogs helps to ground me and get things off my chest.
What is your way of dealing with waiting and do you have patience and how do you cope?
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