Emotional Distress is the intentional infliction of emotional discomfort on another person and is a common law tort that allows people to sue organizations and individuals for severe emotional distress caused by another person or entity who intentionally or recklessly inflicted emotional distress by behaving in an “extreme and outrageous” way.
What are the types of emotional distress?
There are two types of emotional distress cases, negligent and intentional.
You can claim monetary compensation for the emotional distressthe discrimination has caused you – this is called ‘injury to feelings.
You’ll need evidence of this and if you have it documented as I have through my “online journal” you can build a case against the perpetrator or entity which needs to show how the discrimination made you feel.
You will need witnesses or evidence of who you are naming and blaming and you need to start asking your family, friends, colleagues, medical professionals, or support workers if they’ll be witnesses to how the discrimination affected you.
An injury to feelings claim is a claim that can be made as part of a judgment, discrimination, humiliation, mental and physical abuse claim but not an unfair dismissal claim. It is a claim for compensation for the upset, distress, or anxiety a person might have suffered as a result of discrimination, humiliation, mental abuse, physical abuse.
Negligence Emotional Distress: As an example, my GP’s surgery has failed in their duty of care and as a consequence has caused me emotional distress.
Intentional Emotional Distress: Another example of an entity(s) that caused a domino effect caused me emotional distress.
The purpose of an injury to feelings award is to compensate the individual for the hurt and distress they have suffered rather than to punish the entity or (person held liable) for the discriminatory conduct. However, the sum awarded should not be so high that it amounts to a windfall nor should it be so low that it diminishes respect for the law.
The lower band which is appropriate for less serious cases such as where the act of discrimination is an isolated or one off occurrence.
The middle band for serious cases which do not merit an award in the highest band.
The top band for the most serious cases such as where there has been a lengthy campaign of discriminatory harassment. In exceptional circumstances, the top band can be exceeded.
Subsequent case law established that a 10% uplift should be applied to any award and that the Vento bands should be increased annually in line with inflation.
For claims brought on or after 6 April 2019 the current bands are:
**Please Note Stress & Anxiety Compensation:
In case of prolonged symptoms, your compensation claims could range between £48,000 to £101,000.
For mild psychiatricdamage, your compensation claims could range between £1,300 to £5,000.
Business Emotional Distress.
Tortious interference, also known as intentional interference with contractual relations (is a business dispute), in the common law of torts, occurs when one person intentionally damages someone else’s contractual or business relationships with a third party, causing economic harm.
As an example, someone could use blackmail to induce a contractor into breaking a contract; they could threaten a supplier to prevent them from supplying goods or services to another party, or they could obstruct someone’s ability to honor a contract with a client by deliberately refusing to deliver necessary goods.
A tort of negligent interference occurs when one party’s negligence damages the contractual or business relationship between others, causing economic harm, such as, by blocking a waterway or causing a blackout that prevents the utility company from being able to uphold its existing contracts with consumers.
Can you sue your ex for emotional distress?
Yes, you can, as a general rule, you can sue for emotional distress, if your ex has caused you mental health issues and as a consequence, you are depressed and have PTSD you can sue this person.
In fact, whether you are filing an insurance claim or pursuing a personal injury action in court, your emotional distress damages are accounted for as a significant part of your financial recovery.
To prove a claim for intentional infliction of emotional distress a plaintiff must prove that:
The defendant’s conduct was outrageous and caused you distress.
The conduct was either reckless or intended to cause emotional distress
As a result of the defendant’s conduct the plaintiff suffered severe emotional distress (depression, PTSD, anxiety, stress, social disconnection, ocd).
Causes of Emotional Distress Include:
Loss of a Job
Medical Malpractice & Negligence
PTSD from witnessing a loved one’s premature death
Insecurity of knowing the unkown, when an entity playing mind games with your financial status and does not respond to you in a quick and timely manner.
Symptoms of Emotional Distress:
Loss of Apetite or Comfort Eating.
Insomnia, finding it hard to sleep.
Social Distancing, pulling away from people and things.
Feeling lethargic, having low or no energy
Having unexplained aches and pains, such as constant stomach aches or headaches
Low Self Esteem. Feeling helpless or hopeless
Excessive smoking, drinking, or using drugs, including prescription medications
Thinking of hurting or killing yourself or someone else.
Often cases such as domestic violence can lead the victim to either criminal or civil proceedings, and he or she will need to decide which option to follow first or which to devote energy to before seeking both options. Emotional distress is usually one aspect of pain and suffering that the judge may award in compensation.
Although the above explains the legal side of things you have to be prepared to name and blame the entities and expect the repercussions of the aftermath of your litigation.
You have two choices and that is you let your negative feeling go and never mention them again (bury your emotions) or you go down the route to seek monetary compensation.
In my lifetime I would have already been a millionaire by now had I chosen to sue everyone that did me wrong.
Feeling Suicidal is when a person is in a very dark place metaphorically speaking when they have lost the will to live and they see no other way of escaping from the nightmare they are in.
The rise in suicides likely to be linked to austerity – but the story behind each suicide is complex.
When a person has lost all hope and the will to live they cannot see anything else other than dying. They believe that once they die their nightmare will be over and they will not feel anguish, sadness, loneliness, or despair. They do believe the grass is greener on the other side but is it though?.. Some people believe if you commit suicide you go to hell. So if life feels like hell right now, the real hell will be far worse.
When a person falls into this state of feeling hopeless when nothing is working out fine for them and no one understands them or cares or bothers with them it is understandable they may sink deeper into the abyss.
Most of our depression is fueled by fear, loss, and grief. “Disabled Entrepreneur UK” covers all topics in all categories (I have linked some of the topics in this article).
There are many factors that can cause a person to feel so low:
They feel like a failure, they have nothing to show for their life, they fear failure.
They have lost their job.
They have lost their home, through evicition or natual disaster, divorce, seperation or money problems such as bankruptcy or not being able to keep up with the mortgage payments.
They have lost their family through death or family fued.
They have or are going through a divorce and are losing their home, their children and their money.
They have been robbed.
Their business is going under.
They have lost their life partner, through seperation, or death.
They have lost their child through miscarrage, illness or accidental death.
They are discriminated, humiliated or made a mockery of. They have people or institutes that judge them.
The have financial burdens that if their money was taken away how would they cope (benefits).
They feel no one cares or understands them and every time they reach out people do not take them seriously.
They are stuck in a physically and mentally abusive relationship.
They are being bullied in school or in the workplace.
Harrassment because of sexual orientation, religion, skin colour, beliefs, ethnicity.
They have no friends.
They feel lonely.
They feel the world has turned against them.
Their family and friends have turned against them because or their sexual orientation, religion or beliefs.
They are the abuser in a domstic viilent relationship and have they gone too far with their actions and feel worried they will get caught.
Many adults will experience feelings of hopelessness or suicidal thoughts at some point in their lives.
This could be because they do not have a close support network that understands them (friends/family/co-workers) and they may feel embarrassed to reach anyone in their network for the fear of being laughed at or for the worries they have to be brushed under the carpet so to speak.
SIGNSTO LOOK OUT FOR.
Crying For No Reason.
Hating Everything and Everyone.
Talking about Death or Suicide.
“If you are feeling suicidal, the most important thing is to talk to someone“.
“If authoritarian institutions try to judge or discriminate against a person for their mental health, remind them no one is perfect and everyone could be in the same shoes as a suicidal person one day feeling life is not worth living”.
When you feel sad and lonely and feel you have no one to turn to there are organizations specifically designed to help people going through what you are going through. They are not discriminating or judgemental they actually care about you as they would not be there otherwise. They are there to lend an ear, you do not even have to say your real name. You just need to take the brave steps to reach out that is all you have to do.
If you are going through a difficult time, you may be feeling isolated and disconnected from your friends, family, or other groups. It might it difficult to start a conversation about your feelings, therefore there are organizations such as the Samaritans that can listen to your problems and perhaps steer you in the right direction. But it’s important that you let the people around you know how you are feeling. It’s important to remember that people in these organizations care and will want to help you.
Saying that, be prepared for the people in your immediate circle that may be oblivious to your sadness and may try to back away because they have their own problems.
The best people to start with are the ones that have been professionally trained, such as a GP or Mental Health Organisation. Not everyone in your close network of friends and family will understand or even want to help you, so keep that in mind.
What to do if you are experiencing suicidal thoughts
Your GP should be the first point of contact for any issues affecting your physical and mental health, including suicidal thoughts. They will also be able to diagnose a state of depression or anything in your lifestyle that may be contributing to how you may be feeling.
If you do not have a GP but need to speak with a doctor urgently, you can call NHS non-emergency number on 111 and they will direct you to the nearest available walk-in centre or doctor’s surgery.
Tips for coping with suicidal feelings:
Try not to think about the future, just focus on the present and getting through the day, start by taking baby steps.
Avoid drugs or alcohol, these will only add fuel to the fire.
Go to a safe place like a friend’s house, family or public area, avoid being stuck at home alone, go somewhere where there are people around.
Start a journal, this could be a physical book or online blog.
Find a reason to help others through your personal story.
Do something you usually enjoy.
If you are about to harm yourself or have already done so, call 999 as soon as possible or go to Accident and Emergency (A&E) at the nearest hospital.
Professional suicide support services
If you’re feeling very low, you can contact any of the professional support services below for free.
Sane Line – call 0300 304 7000 (available 4.30pm – 10.30pm every day)
Papyrus Hopeline – call 0800 068 4141, text 07786209697 or email email@example.com (available 10am – 10pm weekdays, 2pm – 10pm weekends and bank holidays)
The Mental Health Foundation is concerned but not surprised by the latest UK suicide figures. They are in line with other evidence of the distress people are feeling, such as rates of self-harm and self-reported feelings of shame.
Some of the rises in the number of suicides may be due to a change in the rules in England and Wales about how coroners should record suicides. However, it is currently too soon to know what difference the change has made.
Whenever a person takes their own life, there is a complex story behind it.
There is also not a single simple explanation for the increase in the number of people taking their own lives, but it is likely to be linked with economic austerity. We know that suicide rates are linked with people’s uncertainty about their financial futures, unemployment, persistent inequality, loneliness, discrimination, and ill-health.(Citation/Credit).
Asking about suicide does not encourage it, nor does it lead a person to start thinking about it; in fact it may help prevent it, and can start a potentially life-saving conversation
Note From the Editor.
However, I have to agree to disagree, I suffer from Mental Health Issues and on my last PIP assessment I was asked that very question, have I had suicidal thoughts.
Firstly I would not admit to anyone if I had them or not.
Secondly if I did not have those thoughts I basically was given a loaded gun because if I was not thinking about it before, I most certainly was thinking it now and had a seed planted in my head, which I could have easily gone through with it had I have been in that state of mind.
“The difference is I do have everything to live for and can teach people including institutions asking someone directly if they are feeling suicidal can go one of two ways and one has to tread carefully”.
“One needs to be subtle and not cause a person to immediately go on the defense and on guard. No one will admit they feel suicidal especially to a stranger unless they actively are looking to get help and are prepared to get the support they need”.
For me personally, this crossed my mind on the odd occasion, but I was not telling a PIP assessor who I did not know and besides my own personal story is complex, it is not one incident but many incidents with many people’s/entities actions that I can blame over many years that have caused me to feel depressed”.
“As I walked away with a loaded gun that the PIP Assessor had metaphorically given and had I not found the strength to over-ride my thoughts I very much doubt you would be reading my story today”.
I have since learned that one can over-ride one’s thoughts with neuroscience which I am actively researching. I hope to publish my findings in the near future.
What assessors should ask instead is:
Have you been feeling low?
Do you feel you can talk to someone?
How often do you feel low?
Do you have friends or family you can talk to?
Do you feel hopeless?
Do you feel worthless?
Do you feel the world is against you?
Do you know of any support networks you can reach out to?
Do you turn to alcohol or recreational drugs to surpress your thoughts?
Do you feel your thoughts are very intrusive?
Do you isolate yourself from society?
Can you cope with life?
Do you have any hobbies?
Do you feel proud of yourself?
Has anyone tried to hurt you physically or mentally?
World Health Organisation:
According to “WHO” Nearly 800,000 people die by suicide in the world each year, which is roughly one death every 40 seconds.
Suicide is the 2nd leading cause of death in the world for those aged 15-24 years.
Depression is the leading cause of disability worldwide.
FINAL THOUGHTS FROM THE EDITOR.
When someone you know looks or behaves not their usual self, ask them if they are ok and that they can talk to you whenever they want with no pressure. Always be kind to people as you do not know what they are going through or feeling.
Never be judgemental or dictate to them what they should or should not do. Everyone has the ability to make their own decisions for their own reasons. If you have an opinion tell it once, it is up to the person to listen, continue bombarding the person with your opinions will eventually make the person withdraw from you. If people do not want to listen or take on board your advice do not force it on them.
If you say you are going to phone someone, stick to it, and never give empty promises as that person could just be waiting for you (CD) as there are consequences to our actions.
Do not be that family member that only reaches out once a year at Christmas. Phone the person regularly throughout the year. Get the distant relative involved in your life, do not disregard them like leftover meat. Phone them if they are not inclined to meet with you.
If you are a good person you will spread awareness that people do not have to go through things alone, share your story so that people can relate to you.
If you do not have a job and no one wants to employ you, then create a job and be your own boss. I can motivate and inspire anyone.
Nothing is so bad that you cannot overcome the problem(s) you are faced with, believe me, I know, I have been there, done that, and got the t-shirt. In fact, it did cross my mind on the odd occasion but found a way to get through it. Besides, I have a family and a business I am grateful for having a roof over my head and food to eat. Find the things you are grateful for and think there is always someone worse off than you. Where there is a will there is a way. Obstacles are there so that we can learn how to overcome them. Life is a lesson to be learned.
So if I can survive with everything I have gone through over the years, so can you.
Suicide is so very final and there is no guarantee what you will be faced with on the other side. It could be as some believe that people who commit suicide go straight to hell and some countries do not give people proper burials just dump their bodies in mass graves. It’s ironic that the actor who played the character Chris Nielsen (Robin Williams) “What Dreams May Come” in a film about suicide, committed suicide. Even famous people have demons and get depressed. (Rich and Depressed).
I have been pushed to my limits many times including when I lost both my parents and my brother but I have also had to deal with domestic violence not to mention losing someone I loved. This is part of the grieving process.
There will always be people who will try to be judgemental and will think they are better than you. Let it all go over your head, no one on this planet is better than you. Just because they may be more educated, have social status, or are some sort of institution or royalty, behind every company, there is a human being doing exactly the same as you, eating, sleeping, and surviving.
Did you know that rich people get depressed just like the disabled, working-class, and poor? In fact, in our current climate, everyone gets depressed at some point in their lives regardless, of gender, ethnicity, job title, social status, wealth, or physical and mental disabilities?
There is no such thing as a perfect world or perfect lifestyle that most of us try to strive for. The higher we climb the harder we fall and with more wealth, there will be more problems.
Rich people are prone to depression because a lot of money of their net worth exists in untouchable assets such as home equity and retirement accounts, not only pressures of work can take their toll on a person’s mental state. For rich people some of the time their wealth only exists on paper and they cannot spend it and run the risk of disappearing due to market conditions.
Rich people spend less time with their families and more time at work, this then puts strain on relationships.
Where the working class person can allocate time to spend with their families in the evenings and weekends and middle to high-class entrepreneurs will prioritize their business in order to run a tight ship. with no time wasted and every day is one day closer to striking gold and more gold. Not everyone is born privileged.
However, saying this person is born privileged or is famous and in the public arena may find it difficult to live normal lives. They cannot just pop down to a local cafe or supermarket their every move is documented so they live in a secluded place away from prying eyes.
The upper class and born privileged person may not understand about other classes and with money flowing may take their wealth for granted but again a wealthy person may also experience depression as they cannot walk on Gods earth freely without being followed by paparazzi and may have to have an entourage of security guarding them. They cannot walk into a store or go anywhere public. They are imprisoned in their own surroundings. They may not have the freedom to do things randomly unlike the rest of the world.
Most CEOs, founders, the innovators are prone to depression more so than the average person, possessing subtle psychopathic traits and be more prone to addiction.
Their addiction and obsession with work only fuel the fire to not fail. Rich people may also turn to alcohol and recreational drugs to self-medicate. These tendencies may even help the individual rise to such heights through their insecurities.
It is also suggested that even privileged rich kids are, counter-intuitively, more depressed and anxious than their middle- or low-income peers. This could be because a social group trap is so tight-knit that it would be virtually impossible to make friends out of their social circle, giving rich kids less freedom. Rich kids do not mix with poor kids or vice versa.
People on low incomes have lower expectations and working-class families learn to cope with the bare minimums and are truly grateful for what they have, which high class have more expectations and are not grateful of what they have because they always want more and better things than the Jones’s. Low-class families are more humble and can show more empathy and understand that a less privileged person will be eternally grateful for any help that is given to them.
Hence a lower class family will be eternally grateful compared to a wealthy family. Whilst a wealthy family will expect the best of the best and if they do not get what they desire they may experience anxiety and depression. There is currently not enough research about the prevalence of depression in the upper vs. the lower socioeconomic classes within a country.
Psychologists who have treated the very high-functioning C-suite types over the years have collected data consensus that tells them that people of high social status and enormous wealth are prone to major depression for a variety of reasons than people of other socioeconomic strata.
Todd Essig, a Forbes writer, and psychologist in New York City said “Uber-success can be depressogenic”. “Many C-suite executives are prone to depression, despite their success, maybe even because of it.”
Depression can affect the lives of everyone, in any stratum.
Regardless if you are rich, poor, or with a disability, no one is immune to anxiety and depression.
However, people who have extreme success are more prone to depression because a person who is successful has chased their own dream and is more protective of it causing isolation and the pressures to keep it a success and not to fail can cause a person to isolate.
People of extreme successes are more prone to criticism there will always be competitors and haters and people just watching and waiting for them to fail.
A person in the public eye may not always have people who will believe in their success.
In this not-so-perfect world where most of us want a perfect life, this is virtually impossible as money cannot buy you happiness. It is a constant battle to please people to have people on the same page as you and there will always be people that are jealous and will say things out of context just to hurt you. It is a constant battle to stay on top which triggers depression in those you’d least expect it. People who are successful, wealthy, and with a disability may find even more pressure to not fail and have to work even harder to get around obstacles. In fact, some of the most successful people in history have suffered from relentless, incapacitating depression – some have won their battles, or, at least, continued to battle, yet some, sadly, succumb to them.
Comparing yourself to the Joneses
People who are extremely successful and very wealthy will always want the best of the best and will always compete with one another to have something grander. This could be the best-hosted party in which mingling with other wealthy people only puts more pressure to make their event even more spectacular. Their competitors, neighbor, or friends dripping with jewels then their jewels would have to be bigger and more expensive, this could also be designer clothes, accessories, cars, properties, etc. They constantly compare themselves to the Joneses. Countries that are low-income, on the other hand, have low depression rates. However even countries with low wealth still like to compete, you should see the graves in Poland the bigger and grander reflects the wealth of the family.
Some people habitually measure their self-worth by materialistic items that they own. Even people of low wealth try to portray they are rich by wearing designer clothes and accessories but in reality, they do not have two pennies to rub together. Not everything that glistens is gold.
People of working or low class have time to delegate their free time whilst a person who is an entrepreneur will be more driven in making their business succeed and may neglect family in order to concentrate on making their business a success. Once at the top of the ladder they will constantly be overprotective to make their business stay in the number one spot. This adds further stress and anxiety and eventually depression.
People of the lower class do not have the same expectations and those of the working or middle or higher class. They may be complacent to what they have and will not be driven to improve their lives they will not have the same pressure as working or middle-class people. Entrepreneurs are on the spectrum of the lower, working, middle and upper class but they have a key goal to succeed. They will battle to climb the ladder. To achieve extreme success, a person needs to dedicate an extraordinary amount of time and effort to get there, which can make for a life that feels precipitous and lonely.
People climbing the ladder may find everyday things that people take for granted like spending time with family mundane and not proactive. Going for leisurely walks or taking time out to exercise may be an ordeal and you will be surprised that many successful people have their own Gyms or exercise bikes in their offices. Also engaging in meaningless conversations and socializing with people that do not have the same vision adds even more pressure to socially disconnect.
People who have been born wealthy and do not have to ever worry about putting food on the table may find it hard to cope if they find themselves in uncharted territory. People born into wealth do not understand and may find it harder to cope with life problems as they have always been shielded from it. Arnold Washton, a psychologist at Compass Health Group said that depression may also be more common in people who have only known wealth, since they may not be familiar with bootstrapping themselves through difficult times. However, people who self-made millionaires or billionaires may be more resilient as they have experienced the struggles of getting to the top and they know what to expect. A self-made millionaire, a billionaire has more authority to teach people about wealth than someone who was born with a silver spoon in their mouth.
Thehigher you rise the harder you fall.
To be always vigilant and be prepared for disasters and knowing from all the mistakes and failures you have had will give you a building block to start again. Having a stepping stone if things go belly up and being able to reinvent yourself is one key factor to making sure you succeed. If something is not working quite right create another building block. When business is bad, it goes without saying that depression would be more likely. In good economic times, even if every milestone is hit at exactly the right point, some may find that they feel they have failed. Rather than let everything come tumbling down have strategies in place for every economic disaster.
Just because someone is super-wealthy does not mean you have to be less empathetic towards them. By helping them get through their depression will encourage them to help you. The super-rich also have bills to pay and have obligations just like you and I. Obviously our bills are nothing compared to the magnitude of theirs but it’s bills all the same. Unless a person is a ruler of the land or oil tycoon even then the laws of the land may forbid their relatives to live normal lives. Even princesses have attempted to escape certain countries because they want to live normal lives. Knowing a person is depressed regardless of their stature one can only offer a helping hand this could be just an anonymous talk or perhaps advice and links to organizations.
Rich Person Insecurities.
Keeping up with the Jones
Health Issues, Mental Health, Physical and Mental Disabilities
Wealth/Money cannot buy you health or happiness. Wealth? Money is a tool and a monetary exchange for something you desire. Wealth can satisfy your needs and fill in an empty void, it can help secure your future and your family’s future but it cannot buy you health or happiness. Having material things and assets may make you feel more superior but it will never make you happy.
The key to happiness is knowing that what you do helps others. However to be happy you need to be healthy and you have to treat your body like a temple. If you look after your body it will look after you the spiritual being in the physical body.
If someone is suffering from depression and recognizes they have a problem this does not make them weak. By reaching out to someone is the first step to healing.
Sharing your pain, your worries, and anxieties are the first step to alleviating the problem. A person who is suffering should not suffer alone and needs to reach out to someone or seek professional help.
Regardless of the person’s title or wealth status, we are all human at the end of the day.
Regardless of who you are you can drop us a line you do not have to give your real name and you can set up a Gmail email if you simply feel life is unbearable we are here to lend an ear and we can offer suggestions.
Whatever you are going through you do not have to go through it alone. You are not the first or the last person to suffer and you should not suffer in silence.
The Difference Between Anxiety Attack Vs. Panic Attack.
As most of my readers are aware I suffer from OCD and Anxiety. I have suffered for over 35 years. With this in mind, I have decided to look into alternative therapy (hypnosis) to try and help myself and people like me.
Since the beginning of lockdown 2020, I have not ventured out of my home. All grocery is delivered and the nearest interaction I have with humans physically is when I have to meet and greet couriers or workmen and that suits me fine. I am the happiest and at home in my own environment.
I conduct all my business online and do not need to have face-to-face meetings.
However, this is more complicated and easier said than done. My friends are understanding and are happy to give me the space I need but my family on the other hand is another matter.
First off, someone said to me towards the beginning part of this year, that it was unhealthy of me to stay home 24/7 and that I should go up the road for 10 minutes each day.
I used to train ‘Muay Thai Kickboxing‘ and used to spend an hour at home exercising using DVDs before hitting the gym, so if I wanted to have any exercise I could in the comfort of my home without having to take the mindless waste of time walks as what was suggested. Besides standing outside waiting for delivery drivers gives me all the fresh air I need.
My time is better spent working and learning rather than walking up the road for no reason, I get my ten minutes each day waiting for the couriers as I cannot sprint down the stairs like I used to prior to having a vicious attack on my knee which left me unable to walk very far or down the stairs as easily as I used to be able to do.
However my extended family are the least bit interested in my explanations and are narrow-minded and simply think I am making excuses, how little do they know about my health or my life for that matter.
The other suggestion at the beginning part of this year was that once lockdown was lifted we should all meet up and go to dinner. I explained I have not had the vaccine jabs without going into any details about why I had not and cannot have the vaccine.
The response was if not for myself how about protecting the population to which I replied about herd immunity.
So because of this conversation, it then went on the grapevine that I do not go out, which has raised alarm bells amongst my closest family members.
Most do not bother with me and only talk to me at Christmas (small talk) yet they have my well-being at heart and concern themselves about my health, ironically, and think it is right to be judgemental of my actions.
Just because I have OCD does not make me insane, I am still in control of my faculties and can decide what is good for me and what is not. If I can write this post I am certainly an abled body person, just because my brain works differently does not make me less of a person or pitied upon.
I do not go out for a few reasons:
I do not want to risk catching Covid as I am more susceptible of contracting it without being vaccinated.
I have developed Social Anxiety and simply do not want to interact physically with other people.
My OCD has got worse because I am more paranoid about germ contamination and have dedicated my life to beating this disease by researching neuroplasticity and hypnosis. I have already completed one course and will document my findings on www.ocd.cymru which I happen to own.
I run a business I do not have spare time off to take off work, taking time off work means I have to pay someone to do my job. Since Lockdown I lost a lot of business so I am now trying to get back on my feet again. I have survived unlike businesses like Debenhams, Top Shop etc, so I am fortuante I have got a business.
None of this is taken into consideration or matters to my family (extended or otherwise) I feel my disability because it is invisible people make the assumptions that it is not real and they get on the superior high horse casting judgment.
Therefore in anticipation of what is about to transpire in the next week, I have been put on the spot and feel this is a test to see if I am simply making things up, I PREDICT I may have a PANIC ATTACK, seeing as I have ANXIETY ISSUES simply thinking about it.
I am so desperately trying to not work myself up as the day draws near.
So although I feel that some of my family means well in a certain capacity, because they do not know the full picture of my circumstances and some even live abroad and only see me every once in a while they do not fully comprehend my life, my health, or my work and simply do not understand.
I had one family member in South America asked when I was going to visit. The trip is not a taxi cab away and I have a business to run and the response I had was “so you can’t afford to come over then?” ……..automatically judging me.
In my defense, I cannot afford to catch Covid, my business is my baby and I will not let anything happen to it.
The sheer thought of going into the city and meeting my family member, mingling around strangers that may or may not be carrying the virus is causing me a great deal of anxiety and distress and this is in the UK never mind in some foreign country.
If I live to tell the tale unless and unless a miracle happens, Covid is eradicated, my Social Anxiety and OCD subsides, you will not see me venturing out again for a very long time after this unless I am cured of my disabilities and the virus has gone.
Anxiety vs Panic.
The terms anxiety attack vs. panic attack are often used interchangeably, but they have two they have very different meanings.
Anxiety is a prolonged build-up of worry but a panic attack is sudden. Whilst both have similar symptoms, there are definite distinctive differences between the two and the length of time one suffers. They also may differ in how they are triggered, and how they are treated.
Although there are similarities between the two, we need to fully comprehend the difference, as well, such as analyze risk factors, physical symptoms, and how to treat an attack, so that you can accurately document symptoms and problems to your doctor.
Both conditions are treated differently, so it is important to diagnose whether you are having anxiety attacks or panic attacks.
Early Signs and Symptoms
One of the main differences between anxiety attacks vs. panic attacks is how they start.
An anxiety attack usually has a gradual or prolonged onset. Just as I am experiencing now the simple thought of seeing one of my family members is causing me great anxiety and distress.
If I have not hugged or touched my daughter for the last 10 years imagine having to physically interact with a close relative in the midst of the Covid Pandemic, without offending them.
Other symptoms of anxiety usually precede it. It is also usually caused by a specific situation that can be narrowed down as the cause of the anxiety attack.
However, panic attacks are not obvious and come on spontaneously. They have an immediate onset, usually out of the blue, with no gradual build-up.
These types of attacks can come on without warning, regardless of the situation going on around you. Usually, it is a trigger to a response. Similarly, if I had a call out of the blue that I had to go out of my comfort zone I would most probably have a panic attack.
Sometimes an anxiety attack may turn into a panic attack especially if there has been a gradual build-up as in my case. The body is already in defense mode and is simply waiting for a trigger.
There are some similarities in the symptoms between anxiety attack vs. panic attack. While the physical symptoms are remarkably similar, they can vary in intensified intrusive thoughts and feelings between the two types of attacks. Anxiety attacks come with more prolonged thought than panic attacks which are sudden.
Anxieties are gradual feelings of apprehension or worry, distress, restlessness, or fear. These symptoms usually start before the actual attack and persist long after the attack is over.
Panic attacks are sudden, you may have similar symptoms as an anxiety attack but these symptoms are more intensified. With a panic attack, you may feel you are gasping for air or feel light-headed and want to be sick or you may experience a debilitating fear and a feeling of being afraid of losing control and everything is caving in around you. You may even have physical symptoms of the attack that may make you feel as though you are about to die.
Panic attacks also tend to come with a feeling of detachment from the world around you, called derealization, or detachment from yourself, called depersonalization. A panic attack may cause you to distance yourself from everything and everyone.
Physical Symptoms Of Both
The physical symptoms of anxiety attack vs. panic attack are the same. The difference here is in the intensity. One study found that anxiety attacks in which a specific situation or stimuli perpetuated the attack held stronger, more intense physical symptoms than panic attacks that came on out of the blue.
The most common physical symptoms of anxiety and panic attacks are:
Feeling Faint, Dizziness/lightheadedness
Feeling Sick, Nausea
Tightness of the Chest and Chest pain
Feeling Hot and Sweating
Gasping for Air, Shortness of breath
Other symptoms that may occur with anxiety and panic attacks include:
Finding it hard to swallow, tightness in the throat, feeling as though you are choking
Uncontrolable Shuddering and Trembling or Shaking
Pins and Needles, Numbness or tingling
A headache with an onset of a Migraine
Physical symptoms can be similar with both anxiety or panic attacks in equal measure. However, the symptoms could be more intense and last longer with anxiety attacks, because they are situational. If the situation persists, the attack could last quite some time.
Differences In Duration
With Anxiety, the duration can be days, weeks, or months and there are distinct differences between anxiety attacks vs. panic attacks. A panic attack is sudden and comes on out of the blue and lasts only about an average of ten minutes, symptoms quickly dissipate after the attack is over.
With anxiety, the attack is likely to last until the situation changes, or you are removed from the situation. Symptoms of the anxiety attack, such as restlessness, worry, and distress, could last for some time after the anxiety attack is over.
Anxiety is the manifestation of your negative thoughts that fester in your mind. There are also differences in triggers between anxiety attacks vs. panic attacks. The exact causes or triggers of panic attacks depend on what you fear most and what is worrying you. They are sudden and may start with no discernable cause. It could be stage fright or being forced into an uncomfortable situation out of your comfort zone.
Anything can trigger a panic attack based on your fears. It is sometimes hard to determine the cause of panic attacks, although people who have certain fears and worry about certain situations may experience panic attacks when their worries start to materialize.
With anxiety attacks, the triggers depend on the situation someone is in. People with extreme social disconnection disorders may have an anxiety attack when faced with a crowd of people.
Someone who is afraid of spiders may freak out if they see one and will not go back into a room until the spider has gone. People who have a phobia of closed spaces might have an anxiety attack in a small elevator. People afraid of needs may refuse to have a vaccine. Someone who has dental anxiety might have an anxiety attack at the dentist.
People cope with anxiety and fears in different ways. Some smoke, cigarette, drink alcohol, or take prescribed or recreational drugs. So use sex as a way of release and maybe promiscuous.
There are many possible triggers for anxiety attacks. It depends on the person’s tolerance threshold of their fears. Different people have different fears, phobias, and levels of comfort with different situations. The things that trigger one person may be very different from the things that may trigger someone else.
Risk Factors For Both
It is not entirely known what causes anxiety and panic attacks. However fear is a contributing factor. The risk factors of anxiety attack vs. panic attack are the same. If you have these risk factors, you are more likely to have anxiety attacks or panic attacks. Some common denominators have been noted over time in various studies as follows:
Chronic health condition
Mental health disorder
Family history of anxiety or panic disorders
Alcohol and Drug Abuse
Differences In Treatment
Anxiety attacks are often treated as a symptom and can be treated with medication, cognitive-behavioral therapy, and hypnosis. Cognitive-behavioral therapy works in managing anxiety attacks and other mental health disorders and can help stop the gradual onset of the anxiety attack.
Panic attacks must be treated differently. Because they may be less frequent and can often not be predicted.
Therapy can be a helpful way to learn how to manage panic attacks. Therapy can help a person deal with a panic attack a little bit better if they are prepared in advance and know what to do.
What To Do If You Have An Attack
When you feel an attack coming on take slow deep breaths. Focus on your breathing and don’t allow it to quicken. It is also important to stay focus and not panic, try to control the situation with your thoughts and your breathing. Tell yourself the symptoms will pass, but you need to stay calm.
You can also use self-hypnosis relaxation techniques to help you get through the attack. Visualize a tranquil safe place and put all your negative thoughts and burn them in your mind.
Heart racing/palpitations or feeling like the heart is pounding
Difficulty breathing, gasping for air, shortness of breath
Shaking uncontrolably, sweating trembling or hot flashes
Feeling faint, light headed with the room spinning.
Pins and needles, numbness or tingling
Dissociation and disconnection
Tolerance Levels Changing
The sudden, intense panic attack symptoms often mimic the fight or flight response; the brain may perceive a threat even when there isn’t one. I have had such attacks in the past and where I was either out of my comfort zone or was in danger, I started to panic.
Can an anxiety attack turn into a panic attack?
You’ve likely heard the terms anxiety attack and panic attack used interchangeably. Though similar and interconnected in many ways, anxiety attacks and panic attacks are not the same.
Chronic anxiety can lead to anxiety attacks or states of heightened anxiety. Heightened anxiety leaves you feeling more vulnerable, so it’s not uncommon for panic attacks to evolve from this sort of emotional state.
How long do panic attacks last?
Panic attacks depend from person to person and generally last 5-20 minutes, although it has been known it can last hours or more.
How do you calm a panic attack?
There are several ways of dealing with panic disorder symptoms or a panic attack, these include deep breathing exercises, mind control with positive thoughts.
What works for one person may not work with another. Some people for instance may find that distracting themselves from their thoughts by talking with others or doing something creative is an effective way to calm themselves, whilst others might find it difficult to concentrate on anything other than their symptoms.
Controlling Panic Attacks.
Find something to distract yourself this could be reading a book, baking a cake or talking to someone.
Learn deep breathing techniques.
Practice meditation and muscle relaxation techniques.
Accept that you are having a panic attack and that, while the feeling is uncomforable the symptoms will not last forever.
Focus on positive thoughts.
What triggers a panic attack?
Panic attacks can be set off by specific situations, manifested through a triggered fear.
People who suffer from anxiety disorders, panic disorder, or other mental health conditions are more likely to experience panic attacks than others.
What alternative help other than medicationis available?
Panic attacks and chronic anxiety can be alleviated through meditation and hypnosis. However, if you’re dealing with the symptoms of panic disorder or panic attacks, it’s best to be medically reviewed and receive the diagnosis or treatment of a healthcare professional.
What Natural Remedies are there for Anxiety?
Breathing exercises concentrating on inhalation/exhalation.
Muscle relaxation exercises
Distraction – Find something to do to take your mind off things. For me it is blogging or reading a book or watching a documentary.
Scripting positive thoughts
Keeping a journal, keeping track of thoughts and anxietythis helps to recognise the triggers. Part of conquering anxiety is understanding it!
What to drink to calm nerves?
Avoid caffeinated alcohol, coffee, or tea as sometimes caffeine can sometimes amplify the feelings and sensations you’d like to avoid. Drink herbal teas instead,
Drop us an email or leave a comment below and I will send you a herbal tea book for free.
If your symptoms are chronic or severe, it may be time to seek help.
Note From The Editor.
I have heard that lavender helps to relax you and aromatherapy can help with anxiety and stress. I am trying to be brave meeting my relative and leaving my comfort zone for the first time in one and half years and will update you on how it went on the 9th of this month.
I can feel my heart racing a bit but I am distracting myself with my work and also doing some self-hypnosis sessions on myself.
I have not cured myself of OCD yet and simply interacting with other human beings is going to be very daunting and a big ordeal for me considering I will be out for the majority of the day including going somewhere to eat. I am not sure how I will cope, to be honest, so wish me luck.
If you can follow like and share complete strangers’ content and worship celebrities then why can you not be supportive to your family, friends, and their businesses?
I will give you an example I did a social experiment yesterday to see how many members of my family would, like, comment, share, or even respond to a text message and Facebook post I had made, even though they are active online.
You will be surprised to know that I had ZERO interaction from them, yet they want me to sit at the same table as them and have dinner with them.
If you can gawk at a TV show for half an hour idolizing celebs you have never met or spend time on social media platforms, why can you not be supportive of friends and family that may rely on likes, shares, and comments to generate more traffic to their businesses?
According to the latest statistics an average person spends 145 minutes every day on social media, or 2 hours and 25 minutes every day. One of the most surprising things is that the figure has gone up by almost a full hour since 2012, so if every person with a smartphone checks their phone for messages and emails to then say they are not connected with the main social media platforms may be telling a white lie. Our brains are wired to release a chemical called dopamine which is a neurotransmitter to make us feel happy, it prompts us to connect online and can be addictive.
It is therefore disappointing to know that these members of my family have totally ignored the message I sent yesterday, in fact, total strangers over 9.5K on LinkedIn alone and I have never met before are more supportive of me online than my own family, which basically says a lot.
Therefore I have to analyse why that could be and this is what I have found.
People are so consumed in their own beliefs and lifestyles and may not understand yours, hence will not be supportive of you.
Others may be insecure about their own dead-end lives and may not want you to succeed for the fear that you might actually make something of yourself and leave them standing. This for all intent and purposes it is jealousy, as they can see you are turning your life around whilst they are stuck in their mundane lives, eating, sleeping, and working with no purpose and most cases up to their eyeballs in debt (mortgages, car loans credit cards, etc). Your life is more exciting than theirs, especially if you are debt-free.
Most people are batteries in the matrix and are programmed and will not support or encourage you because they do not know-how.
Sometimes entrepreneurs may act a little crazy, weird, different, outrageous, and maybe dreamers, believers, trailblazers. This is nothing to be shunned upon in fact it should be celebrated. Yet people do not like anything that is different, they like normal and may label you as eccentric and have reservations and fear that your craziness may rub off on them so they do not comment or interact.
They may think very highly of themselves even going as far as believing they are better than you, so will not be supportive of anything you put your hands to, (which I believe is true). A true friend or sincere family member will reach out to you at least once a month and not a couple of times a year.
Often in entrepreneurship CEOs may make decisions that others would not consider doing as they want to play safely in their mundane lives. They may not support you because they see what you do is a gamble.
If your family or friends see no change in your lifestyle, they may think you are not succeeding and without you proving you have assets they will never believe in you until they see it for themselves, hence will not give you the encouragement as they will assume and presume you are failing.
People may not support you because they do not believe in your values.
They may not understand the concept that the more likes, shares, and comments you have the more traffic it will attract as their friends will see your content also and the cycle continues.
I wrote a post on Linkedin asking if a domain broker does not interact with you on your posts, should you like, share and comment on their posts? I believe everyone that wants exposure should interact with one another, a bit like “I will scratch your back if you scratch mine”. It does not have to be business orientated it could be you as an individual wanting more connections, friend requests, and liked to your posts.
“When someone does not support or encourage you, do what you do twice and take pictures”.
My social experiment was a disaster but my family got the message I was advertising, even though they may deny ever receiving anything from me and not realize the aftermath and consequences of their unresponsive reactions.
There is always a domino effect to everything we do in life. If they are not interested in my life, only when it suits them, then why should I be interested in theirs?
“Their beliefs are not your beliefs”.
“Never tell people your problems, 80% don’t care and the other 20% are glad you have them”.
“Don’t feel bad when people reject you. People usually reject things because they can’t afford them”.
“Never ignore someone who cares about you because someday you’ll realize you lost a diamond when you were busy collecting stones”.
For me, I am trying to not be resentful because the members of my family that have not been supportive in what I do could have helped me by spreading awareness which essentially costs nothing. I do not need empowerment from them, they have had plenty of chances, but it would have been nice to have had a like, comment, and share rather than nothing at all.
In turn, they could have inadvertently helped others like myself that suffer from disabilities to encourage them with kind comments. It is not as if they never received my message as I sent them all a text message which was delivered.
Giving support and encouragement can be uplifting and can change a person’s mood and help with mental health issues. Always be kind and considerate and do think twice before scrolling past a post or completely ignoring a text message, especially if they are friends or family.
My family’s time will come when they will learn the truth of how I actually have felt and how their lack of support has affected my mental health.
I do not dwell on things, just record certain memories for reference. I am learning to disassociate myself from negativity and judgemental people, who are just watching and waiting for you to fail. Never let anyone’s negativity alter your mental state it is their opinion it is no the rest of the world’s opinion and who are they at the end of the day if they are judgemental and unsupportive.
I am a strong believer in never knock it until you have tried it, meaning see if it works before making assumptions or criticizing, and if the CIA (Gateway Process or Project Stargate) has been doing it for over 20 years there has to be something in it. Accessing your subconscious mind and re-wiring your thoughts can benefit our lives, especially if we get stuck with repetitive thoughts that we cannot shift.
I wish in the 30 years I have suffered from OCD, depression, anxiety, stress, and PTSD that my GPs which I have had a few, could have suggested hypnosis.
It is not for me to tell them to do their jobs but no one ever suggested it and like a good little soldier I went on my merry way without questioning it or bringing it up in conversation. It was only by chance I came across some videos through social media did I really start thinking about a way to help myself. If I can find a way of not being dependant on prescribed drugs for the rest of my life, then I obviously have to give it a go.
I think as I am getting older I am getting a little wiser and have decided to explore neuroplasticity and brain training.
I have just started the art of self-hypnosis and have found a braining training motivational speaker ‘Jake Ducey’as well as the Monroe Institute. I have subscribed to Jakes’s Facebook videos and am on his mailing list. I have found the information he gives is valuable, which I am now implementing into my own life.
For years I have been programmed to think that I was not good enough, that I was a failure, I would not amount to much or have nice things. I was criticized, judged, humiliated, and belittled. I started believing everything anyone said to me.
The emphasis of this multiplied when I got involved with a narcissist that created negative energy and made my life toxic. I knew things had to change and I feel like the world has lifted off my shoulders since he has been gone.
The day I flipped the switch and said enough is enough was the day I started to think differently. Every time anyone would say something derogatory I would have an out-of-body experience. If they were directing their opinions and their judgments at my body, I immediately became numb with a hardened exterior and my body has always felt as it is a vessel and it is protecting what is my inner soul. I felt like they could do what they wanted to my body but they would never get to my soul (sticks and stones will break my bones but words will never hurt me).
Everyone is entitled to their opinion but their opinion is not my belief. They could think what they wanted about me, it was now water off a duck’s back and not significant to me. I have always thought treat people like you would wish to be treated.
I started standing up to my fears and thought “what was the best that can happen to me”, rather than my worst? I turned my negative thoughts into good thoughts and started thinking differently. I started making goals.
Where just over a decade ago I had no direction in the last few years I have started to focus. I have set goals and I know what I want but never found a way to manifest what I wanted until now.
I am paving a path. People’s perceptions and opinions of me no longer matter, I am now in control.
In my lifetime I have come across, some very cruel, rude monstrous people that have had this self-opinionated, self-entitled persona about them that they think they are better than you. I have had people with sarcastic, patronizing, opinionated attitudes try and tell me what to do or who have looked down at me and I now rise above it all, as it is only their opinion and who are they at the end of the day?
I have learned if someone is trying to hurt you, end the conversation and block them. I do not play fire with fire, if someone has an evil tongue, I bite mine. Remember silence speaks a thousand words and the universe will pay them back.
Obviously, I have a long way to go to heal as this is only the start of my journey.
I have now started to delve into brain training and mind control(Neuroplasticity) and will publish my progress over the next few months. I will start a 30-day social experiment on myself starting today 30/05/21 where I will use self-hypnosis and the eye roll technique as well as listening to “Jakes audio” and will document my findings on a daily basis which I will publish at the end of next month.
My goal is to try and stabilize my OCD, my depression, my stress, my anxiety, and my PTSD. Because of all the grief, I have endured over the years, I need to brainwash the mind of my memories. I also want to change my ultimate thinking process to manifest what I want.
Apparantly you need to practice the eye roll technique as in the pdf below:
Once you have mastered the eye roll technique you should find a quiet space to meditate and play the following audio:
You should also watch some of “Jake Ducey’s” motivational videos, which I have added open below , especially if you are going through a difficult period in your life and you are surrounded by negative or toxic people.You too also need to retrain your brain and your thought process and try these relaxation and thought-provoking techniques.
Do check out “Jake Ducey’s” website and start re-training your brain. Jake has been featured on FOX, TEDx, Entrepreneur, HuffPost, and INC, and Penguin Random House. He is a force to be reckoned with: https://jakeducey.com/
Believe it or not, The Central Intelligence Agency (CIA) and the United States Government have been using mind control and the laws of attraction for years.
The CIA technique dubbed the Gateway Experience was essentially described as a training system to bring enhanced strength, focus, and coherence to the amplitude and frequency of brainwave outputs patterns, according to the CIA report, ranged from converting energy to heal one’s body to traveling across space and time to learn and access new information. The CIA approved testing for this under the eyes of US Army Lieutenant Colonel Wayne M McDonnell. The project was classified by the CIA until 2003. McDonnell was commissioned to work on the Gateway Experience in the 1980s at a time in US history when the nation was taking a deep interest in different varieties of psychic research.
Project MKUltra (or MK-Ultra) is the code name given to a program of experiments on human subjects that were designed and undertaken by the U.S. Central Intelligence Agency (CIA), some of which were illegal. Experiments on humans were intended to develop procedures and identify drugs such as LSD to be used in interrogations in order to weaken the individual and force confessions through brainwashing and psychological torture. The project was organized through the Office of Scientific Intelligence of the CIA and coordinated with the United States Army Biological Warfare Laboratories. Other code names for drug-related experiments were Project Bluebird and Project Artichoke.
Investigative efforts were halted by CIA Director Richard Helms’s who ordered that all MKUltra files be destroyed in 1973; the Church Committee and Rockefeller Commission investigations relied on the sworn testimony of direct participants and on the relatively small number of documents that survived Helms’s destruction order. In 1977, a Freedom of Information Act requests uncovered a cache of 20,000 documents relating to project MKUltra which led to Senate hearings later that year.
Some surviving information regarding MKUltra was declassified in July 2001. In December 2018, declassified documents included a letter to an unidentified doctor discussing work on six dogs made to run, turn and stop via remote control and brain implants.
The above document “Analysis and Assessment of Gateway Process”, that also Jake refers to is downloadable, it is available through the following link below: https://jakeducey.com/CIA/
This makes me believe there is a way to manipulate one’s mind using hypnosis and Neuroplasticity tDCs.
Alternatively, if you cannot download the document for some reason, then drop us a line.
According to the Hebbian theory(Hebbs Law) is a neuroscientific theory claiming that an increase in synaptic efficacy arises from a presynaptic cell’s repeated and persistent stimulation of a postsynaptic cell. It is an attempt to explain synaptic plasticity, the adaptation of brain neurons during the learning process. It was introduced by Donald Hebb in his 1949 book The Organization of Behavior. The theory is also called Hebb’s rule, Hebb’s postulate, and cell assembly theory. Hebb states it as follows:
Let us just think that the persistence or repetition of a reverberatory activity (or “trace”) tends to induce lasting cellular changes that add to its stability. … When an axon of cell A is near enough to excite a cell B and repea cells firing B, is increased.
This is a sad post but it is my way of coming to terms with my mentor, someone I looked up to and respected and someone I learned a lot from.
Dealing with death the fifth time round should be a walk in the park for me but I can tell you it is not.
To think that I lost a good friend to suicide, lost both my parents and my brother and now my ex-husband feels like I have been robbed all over again. The feeling is so very final, you cannot pick the phone and talk to them you cannot say sorry or that you love them. The feeling is sheer cold, dark, hollow emptiness.
The feeling is like no other it is of great sadness and despair. The feeling is also very angry and hostile one and it makes you question life and all of life’s trivialities.
The feeling is of guilt and regrets and for me not being able to speak to my ex-husband again is heartbreaking the second time around the first when we split up and the second time is now. Perhaps it was never meant to be, perhaps this was destiny’s way of saying this was how it ends?
The last time I spoke to my ex-husband was 14 years ago where he came to tell me his son had died in a car accident. He was not alone and the person he was with was not welcome but it was the right thing to do to accommodate her under the circumstances.
You take people for granted and you expect them to be around forever and I thought I had time to finish my autobiography and tell him and the world what actually happened and how I actually felt and am still feeling.
In truth, he was my knight in shining armor and things could have been different, but I guess things happen for a reason.
I wanted to tell him I was sorry for hurting him and although we have social media I wanted to tell him to his face.
I knew I had hurt him because of his behavior straight after, but he had also hurt me too. Two wrongs do not make a right but I wanted closure on something I thought I had plenty of time to say. We never had the opportunity then to talk because of all the animosity surrounding our break-up.
I did not know he was termininally ill until recently. I knew nothing.
Prior to his passing, I left a voice message on his phone, I guess he never got to listen to it 🙁 Perhaps he had even changed his number, again I do not know that either.
After our divorce, he did not want me to carry his name. I changed my name by Deed Poll from (MRS) to (MS) but still kept his name. After our divorce he got want he wanted briefly I was a ‘Maziak’ again but then decided to revert back to what would have been my married name. I will use his name with honor and pride. My name is the double barrel and although one is foreign and difficult to remember, pronounce and spell I use his surname for business. People know how to spell ‘Barnes’ as opposed to ‘Maziak’ and that is how it will stay.
So yesterday evening 16th May 2021 I was informed my ex-husband had passed away peacefully in the afternoon. At first I was stunned as if I had been winded and tried to hold enough composure not to break down.
I then decided I was going to have an early night (which is unusual for me) at around 9 pm and took my sleeping tablet and what would normally knock me out within half an hour, I found I was still wide awake 6 hours later, thinking about him and listening to ‘Stevie Wonder’ his favorite recording artist with tears streaming down my face.
I played a few songs he used to play to me “I Just Called To Say I Love You” whenever he was out on the road in the early days of our relationship, and “Yester Me -Yester You”. Plus one other song I had dedicated to him and played it to him as it reminded me of him (Heaven Must Have Sent You -The Elgins). I will add the songs to the end of this post.
He was a true gentleman through and through and at the beginning of our relationship up until we got married in 1998 for the first five years (1993 to 1998), he would give me flowers week in week out without fail.
After we got married. things changed and our marriage went pear-shaped, I will always remember and blame the phone call I received 2 days after we got married from a female security guard who wrecked our marriage. Not everyone knows the full story of our breakup and people blame me even though the truth is this woman single handily was to blame. Everyone will know the truth.
I will try not to say too much on here right now but he was my best friend and he was my knight in shining armor.
I never imagined I would never have the opportunity to speak to him again. I had hidden away from him and did not want to be found because I thought why should he know about my life when he was not in it and now my master plan backfired as I have come to realize it is now too late to turn back the clock.
Things could have turned out so differently had we have tried to salvage our marriage, although the health issues that he had, the ending would have still been the same.
With grief, it is good to keep the memory going and keep talking about the person as if they have never left.
For me writing down fond memories will be a constant reminder of people who have gone away.
My book makes reference to everyone that I lost through death and from relationship breakups. It also mentions everyone that has caused me grief. Grief is not just about death it could be a broken-down marriage. Grief is the feeling of having no control and that nothing you can do or say can change things. Grief is the end of life or the end of a relationship it is final.
I have so many unanswered questions and hopefully, one day I may get to learn the answers to them. I hope if his family read this they will know I did care. In fact, I never stopped.
It has been 17 years since my father passed away and 14 years since my mother departed. On top of losing my parents, I lost my brother 11 years ago.
The grieving process has left me bitter and angry inside. Why did half my family die? Why could it not have been someone else’s family instead?
The grieving process is no just about people dying it could be a relationship breakup that can leave devasting effects on a person’s mental state of mind.
I have had my fair share of heartaches but nothing beats the death of a relative or partner. With death you cannot check a social media platform to see what the person is up to, you cannot pick up the phone and have a chat. Death is final, there is no communication beyond the grave. You end up feeling robbed and cheated, you feel empty and life feels pointless. You may even become angry and hostile. People move on from grief by re-adapting their lives and filling the empty void with other routines. People may find meeting new people can help.
For me I do not socialize, I do not want to for several reasons, one is because I am busy with work and do not have the time and secondly my OCD is another significant factor. The way I see it spending a couple of hours socializing I could be using that time more pro-actively. Guaranteed every one you socialize with if you asked them to give you, not lend you £20, I bet none of them would, but they would be happy to squander your precious time. Not everyone thinks like me and my time is the difference between bringing food to the table and making something of my life to which my dearly departed would be proud of me for.
Do I believe in life after death? I have mixed emotions, I think our souls depart and manifest their energy in another form. Do I believe in the paranormal? I believe possibly that our souls can get trapped and cling to things and do not like letting go, hence people see apparitions.
They say time is a healer. Time may ease the grief and it will not get rid of the memories or the feelings of the inner pain you have in your soul.
I was once asked by a government official how long will it take me to stop grieving. He challenged my grief and I felt his remark cold and cutting it was like him driving a knife through a fresh open wound. I immediately had intense hatred towards this person and to this day I have never forgotten his name (J.M), and one day when I am ready for what it is worth I will send him my book and he will never be able to erase the words he said. One day he too will suffer loss and grieve and it will be my turn to ask him what does it feel like when the shoe is on the other foot. If he or anyone else asked me the same question 14 years later I would still be saying it is as fresh in my mind as it ever was and I am still grieving and have never stopped.
The heaviness in your heart lessens to a certain degree over time but it will never go away. You still have the feeling that you have been robbed and violated because you cannot ever see that person again or speak or touch them. You end up feeling angry and may no longer feel empathetic as you once did. Your tolerance levels are put to the test and you have to learn over again that you still have to be there for the people that matter, so your feelings have the be re-adjusted.
In my opinion, it is good to keep the memory alive of the loss of your loved one by reminiscing about the good old day and setting anniversaries. It is wrong to never mention the person again. I have all my departed souls in photos around me and when I am really sad I can look at them and tell them how I am feeling through my inner thoughts.
Time allows us to learn to cope. Everyone’s routine consumes our lives with challenges in different ways and we have to deal with problems that can override the feelings we have of dispair.
As our lives get busier and we do not have time to wallow in our self-pity, therefore what was the only thing that was on our mind of the loss of a loved one is no longer the number one priority and our thoughts end up on the back burner to re-surface when we have time to reflect on times gone by.
For me, I have learned to cope, I have my own unique routine and always keep myself busy so that I do not have time to dwell on what has happened in my life. I cannot allow that feeling to control me and although my anguish and dispair could easily rear its ugly head at any time I am able to suppress my thoughts, with my medication, and also my mission in life. I have set myself goals and I intend to achieve them with determination, with nothing standing in my way.
If you were to ask me how I feel towards people and life without my loved ones around, I can say hand on heart the only thing that is keeping me going is the goals I am trying to achieve and seeing my daughter graduate and make a good start in her life. Nothing else matters, no person and no materialistic object. I am on a mission to fulfill my legacy and my inner thoughts will be hidden until one day when I am ready to reveal them all in my autobiography I am writing.
I tolerate life. I know I have to secure my daughter’s future as she too will grieve my loss of losing me one day, so I have a master plan to leave her a legacy she will be proud and honored to remember. My way of coping is to not give up on life but to carry on even though it may increase my Anxiety, Stress & OCD levels more, I still muster the courage to plod on.
My family and my work are the only things that drives me.
Grief can lead to Trauma, PTSD, depression, anxiety, and other mental health issues such as OCD. It is nature’s way of coping.
I do not give medical advice and if you are experiencing grief and other symptoms you must seek help from a professional, e.g. first stop, your local GP.
Narcissism is a PERSONALITY DISORDER, it is defined by the pursuit of POWER wanting other people to see you as IMPORTANT. Seeking gratification for everything you do including ooking for COMPLIMENTS AND ADMIRATION from a personal self-image to being RECOGNISED for the things you may do. It is the feeling that you love yourself so much that you expect others to love you too and in the same way. A Narcissitic person wants to be NO 1 in everything they do and wants CONTROL of his/her surroundings. The term originated from Greek mythology, where a young man named Narcissus fell in love with his own image reflected in a pool of water.
Todays post was prompted by a comment that was made on another post which got me thinking I should write about Narcissism as this has affected me personally and over the years I tried to evaluate this particular individual that essentially tried to control me.
At first this person who will remain nameless for now was introduced to me by a friend. My first impressions was I did not like him, call it a gut feeling if you will. However it was at the time where I was feeling alone and wanting deperately, someone, anyone to comfort me as I had lost both my parents in a short space of time. It was after several meetings through my social circles I had, I met this person again.
The first time I met him he was very drunk and the times after that he was sober but it was a favour for a friend I ended up meeting him alone (Jan 2010 – all will be revealed in my book). Pleasantly surprised, I found him charming and funny and thought perhaps I had read him wrong and gave him another chance.
It was not long after we started dating and being extremely naive at the time it did not cross my mind that he was interested in me as I had inherited a lot of money. However tragedy struck again within a month of me dating him when I lost my brother.
I felt my life was falling apart and needed someone to help me hold it together.
Obviously being fairly well off I was able to fund holidays abroad and it was most probably four months into our relationship I experienced the first outburst. I brushed it off as I thought maybe he was having an off day as most people do not see eye to eye at some point in their relationship and I just thought it was a one off incident.
He showed no signs of being narcissistic until most probably a year later where he would start to question everything I did and who I was with and the first serious incident was when he sprayed an concoction of chemicals in my eyes and temporarily blinded me.
I will be the first person to admit I was very stupid with what played out after, as I refused to press charges against him. I thought I could reason with him, CHANGE HIM and make him learn from his mistakes, I even suggested therapy, how wrong was I, as it was three year after the first major incident he struck again this time kicking my knee seven times until it dislocated and to this day I now have problems with it and will have to have an operation to have it fixed. I even tried analysing his background as I noticed people in his birthplace very abusive to their partners which made think this is their way of life. His mother even admitted to being abusive to her disabled husband when he was alive, so it could even be a trait copied from his mother.
Obviously he did other things in between these incidents, in which it is all now very difficult to recall and buried deep, but I have logged all the evidence as the incidents occurred at the time, just to protect myself.
What did I learn from this:
Never trust anyone implicitly.
Do not believe you can change a person because you can’t.
The first signs of any abuse find a way to end the relationship.
Have an escape plan.
Tell everyone, friends and family about this person.
Isolate yourself from this person. Have an escape plan.
Know the signs especially if the perpetrator shows no empathy.
Do not make excuses for the narcissist, do not make excuses to yourself saying this was a one off incident or the person will change, because they won’t.
Recognise all the traits.
Empower yourself with confidence and start to love yourself again.
For me I have not really reflected on how I have felt as I buried it under tonnes of work and have always kept myself busy in order not to think and dwell on the past. The past is history and if anything it tought me a life lesson in which I can safetly say I will never be in the same situation again and can forewarn others through my own personal experience. I was stupid and naive to put up with all the BS and all the abuse I endured, I was in a viscious cycle everytime time something happened I would say to myself next time it will not happen but next time alway did. Eventually one day I said enough is enough and have not looked back since. Kicking my knee was what broke the camel’s back so to speak and I was lucky as it could have been a totally different story.
The traits to look out for are:
Lack of Empathy. “The inability to identify with or recognise the experiences and feelings of other people. Everything is about them and belongs to them,”. When I asked the perpertrator to explain why he did the things that he did, he could not give me an answer, did not show guilt or remorse and was unapologetic.
Manipulation. The ability to twist the situation to better suit their narrative is a poignant personality trait that all egotistical people possess. The perpertrator managed to always blame me for everything that he was not happy with. He would judge me all the time.
Projection. Projection is a defence or an unconscious pattern that occurs when the person feels psychologically threatened, they will then accuse you of doing something to throw the linelight off themselves, a good example is the person who is cheating accuses his partner of cheating. He used to always accuse me of being unfaithful.
Emotionally cold. I said earlier in a reponse to a comment that I was cold as ice, but what I failed to say I also have empathy, I do have feelings and I know when I am wrong. My life experience has made more thick skinned and if say someone critises me I just take that as their own opinion. Theres a saying “what does not kill you makes you stronger”. An emotionally cold or distant trait normally surfaces during arguments when one person is experiencing and expressing significant emotion and the narcissistic person just lets your emotions go over his/her head and does not respond, giving you a cold shoulder. This essentially makes you feel alone and unloved.
Gaslighting. Doing things deliberately in order to question yourself, whilst taking the onus off themselves. Gaslighting term first arose from the 1930’s play Gas Light, where a husband, in an attempt to drive his wife crazy, kept turning down the gas-powered lights in the house. When the wife asked why he is dimming the lights, he denied it and said they were no dimmer. Over time the wife would start to question herself and eventually found herself going mad. “Gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse that involves denying a person’s experience and making statements, such as ‘that never happened’ or ‘you are too sensitive”,
Never Taking Responsibility. Knowing when you are wrong and admitting to your wrong doings or flaws makes us the bigger person, however with narcissists it is the polar opposite. A narcissist is a master of his/her own illusion and will try to avoid the blame with lying, cheating etc. A narcissist will make up complex excuses and rationalise anything, just so that they are left to blame.
Controlling. The definition of controlling partner means that in most common manifestations of their relationship the narcissist will monitor your whereabouts at all times, checking your emails and text messages, criticising your appearance, and making nearly all important decisions, with little regard for your opinion. In my case not matter have immaculately I dressed and kept my appearance I was always critised and called names. I had my phone taken off me (If I did not give him what he wanted I would get physically abused) and he would post and invite his ex girlfriends onto my Facebook. He would check to see who I was meeting and check my text messages.
Grandiose. Grandiosity is a pattern in which a person tends to exaggerate accomplishments, talents, connections, and experiences. In the case of my abuser he told tails about his past life but I never really believed in anything he said. The narcissist usually do not have to be real experiences, grandiose people tend to maintain over-the-top fantasy worlds. Grandiosity can also be manifested by a sense of self-importance, a belief that their existence is bigger and more important than anyone else’s and certainly more important than yours.
Panic. A narcisist will panic if you threaten to break up or leave them, ss soon as you back away, a narcissist will try that much harder to keep you in their lives. They will do everything and anything to shower you with affection, they will say all the right things to make you think they have changed so that you never leave them and the cycle continues round and round until oneday day you say enough is enough.
Mentally & Physically Abusive. Aswell as playing mind games a narcissist may also become physically violent in order to have control over you. When this happens do not hang around and have an exit plan to get away. In my case I stopped my abuser visiting me and changed the locks, I also showed him all the evidence I have collated and what I will do with it should he ever try to come near me again. So far touch wood it has worked. If you live with your abuser you must make an exit plan where you can grab a bag and run. Make a list of people you can confide in, set up secret codes. Fill your bag with important documents passports, money etc. Just take the essentials so that you can escape to somewhere safe. Or wait for them to leave and change the locks and call the police. For me my abuser is out of my life and I have seen he has moved on as he is in a relationship with someone else, which means he no longer has any use for me.
A narcissist will only move on when they find someone else they can prey on.
That is why narcissists are not loyal and are more likely to play the field. A narcissist can never find love as they are never satisfied with what they have and will always be looking for something better.
Believe it or not everyone suffers from Anxiety at some point in their lives. It is the most NORMAL psychological feeling anyone can have.
However, when a person regularly feels disproportionate levels of anxiety, it may be due to an underlying condition in which it becomes a mental health disorder.
Anxiety disorders are categorised through medical health diagnoses that can lead to excessive nervousness, fear, apprehension, and worry.
For example I am suffering with anxiety today, the lack of reassurance and with no support system in place to tell me everything will be ok is causing me to over think and worry.
I have no motivation and my concentration levels are easily broken by distracted intrusive thoughts. The persisting feeling of uncertainty and what my landlord is planning to do or not do is making me very ill right now.
Yes I know I can report my landlord for not doing his job properly but with that there is a domino effect, a consequence to an action and I do not want to risk loosing my home. I also do not want court battles etc as I have no energy. I need to stay focused which is the most important thing in my life, my business.
I do take medication but I only take it about an hour before I go to sleep as I do not want to feel zonked out and drowsy during the day.
I live on Monster White Ultra Energy Drinks to keep me awake.
Anxiety Mental Health disorders alter how a person processes thought and emotions. Mild anxiety might be unoticeable to an onlooker yet still might be unsettling to the sufferer, whilst severe anxiety may cause serious psychological problems where the sufferer may show obvious signs which affect their day-to-day living.
Anxiety disorders affects over 40 million people in the United States alone. In 2013, there were 8.2 millioncases of anxiety in the UK. In England women are almost twice as likely to be diagnosed with anxiety disorders as to men (Men have difficulty asking for help). However there are many people that fall through the cracks and are left untreated. People who suffer with anxiety are more prone to turning to alcohol or substance abuse such as recreational drugs etc to relieve the build up of tension.
We first need to recognise the difference between normal feelings of anxiety and an anxiety disorder requiring medical attention.
When an sufferer faces potentially harmful or worrying triggers, these feelings of anxiety are not only normal but necessary for survival.
The feeling of anxiety causes a rush of adrenalin, a hormone and chemical messenger in the brain, which in turn triggers these anxious reactions in a process called the “fight-or-flight’ response. These alarms become noticeable in the form of a raised heartbeat (palpitations), sweating, and increased sensitivity to surroundings.
From as early on as stoneage we have adapted a protection mechanism whereby running from large animals and imminent danger caused us to have feelings of anxiety. As humans we have evolved and our surrounding have changed, we may not be in danger from the animal kingdom but more so from a concrete jungle. Anxieties now revolve around work, money, family life, health, and other pressing issues that demand a person’s attention without necessarily requiring the ‘fight-or-flight’ reaction.
People are more aware about the dangers surrounding them yet insecurities do play an active role that allows the sufferer to bring up barriers which is essential to our survival. Anxiety of being involved in a road traffic accident for example will make the sufferer be more vigilant and careful whilst driving.
The sufferer may develop physical symptoms, such as increased blood pressure and nausea and headaches.
The APAThe American Psychological Association defines a person with anxiety disorder as “having recurring intrusive thoughts.” Once the sufferer experiences anxiety reaching this stage of a disorder, it can may well interfere with day to day ability to function properly and will need medical attention.
Whilst I am suffering because of uncertainties in my life, I am grateful I have medication to help me sleep. I do not keep alcohol in my home as that is a recipe for disaster. I have learnt that although I am not an alcoholic and never have been, I do not trust myself when I am not in a controlled state. Sometimes drinking can even influence the anxiety to the extreme.
I would advise anyone experiencing axienty issues to consult their local doctor.
For me I will just have to confront my anxiety head on whenever that time will be and prepare myself for a worst case scenario. The prolonged feeling and uncertainty is the worst of not knowing what is going to happen.
I have only landlord and the pat testing electricians to blame for this, as my landlord should have had made sure the kitchen was safe to use, considering he had pat testing at the beginning part of the year. You would think that the company knew what they were doing but I can find faults in all the work they did and will doing my own report as evidence.
As a foot note from my own personal experience try to occupy your mind with something else other than what is troubling you. Watch a film or a documentary. Do an online course or read a book or take up a hobby like blogging, painting, photography or baking etc.
Although I am fortunate to own several blogs and in a way it is therapy for me, I still am battling my inner demons and can’t wait to confront the one person that is making me feel this way. I am not going to harrass him with endless text messages, he received a message and email from me so I have done my part. Seeing as he chose to ignore me it just says what type of human being he is aswell as what kind of landlord.
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