Article Written and Published 9th December 2022 19.45 pm
This is a health update on how I am feeling today. It started off with Evri supposedly delivering two expensive parcels to my property with a photo of what looked like the side of a package and the pavement.
When I received the email I immediately went downstairs because I live in a First Floor Flat only to find nothing in the communal area, so my initial thought was to buzz my neighbor to see if they heard the buzzer go (seeing as I am partially deaf) and the woman said she did not hear anything. I then went outside and could not see anything.
So now I am starting to panic, I could feel my heart pumping faster and I started to shake.
Although this post is not entirely a medical guide I will still include a few links should you need to research further.
The symptoms I had were:
Shortness of breath or hyperventilating
Feeling ill and lightheaded
Feeling out of control or like you’re about to die (a distinctive sign of a panic attack!)
Tingling sensation in your fingers or lips
Shaking and sweating
Feeling out of control
Fear, Anxiety & Panic Attacks
I continued the small talk and asked if they had sorted the problem with British Gas chasing them for £2K even though they have only lived in the property for two months if that. Now, this is the bit that started alarm bells ringing because I am in communication with British Gas who have said my address has been reverted back to Ground Floor on the 8th of November 2022 where the debt is (which has nothing to do with me). I was even told by British Gas that my meter was associated with the building rather than the flat according to the national database. I have not had any problems for 23 years and all of a sudden I am.
I am feeling very anxious over a lot of things right now. My brother and his wife and son are coming to the UK for Christmas and although it would be nice to see them, I am anxious because I do not know how well I can cope with my OCD. Furthermore, they expect me to travel which is a journey of 3 hours and I need to go to the loo every hour. Public toilets are out of the question. I can cope with my disability at home but doing what I do is humiliating and embarrassing when it’s done in front of other people that do not understand.
I feel anxious just in case they make a diversion and want to come to my home, I have anxiety issues when workmen and contractors come in let alone anyone else. If I had more money I would make the place look more liveable but as it stands it’s I place I work and lay my head to sleep.
Although I have agreed to meet with my brother, he does not realize the ordeal I have to go through to get from A to B, It is stressing me because he is not taking my disability seriously. I am already leaving my comfort zone and am testing my OCD thresh-hold. My daughter said if I do this now I won’t have to go through this again for a while. So fingers crossed on how well I cope with my disorder.
So going back to my missing parcels they were wedged between the pavement and the bin where anyone passing by could have swiped. Nice one Evri part of the Hermes group shower of company.
I feel very on edge and feel very tearful. My tolerance levels are nil. I have no patience and am very irritable. Put it this way I found one last valium that I saved in case of emergencies which was prescribed donkey years ago. I still feel my heart racing and the valium pill did jack sh#t 💩 to calm me down.
A few hours have now passed since the fiasco with the courier this afternoon and writing how I feel down has actually helped to a certain extent.
It’s easy to say don’t worry, or things will be ok, but unless you are walking in my shoes it’s hypocritical for someone to judge.
“I will continue carrying on, one step at a time, until one day the universe manifests my desires”.
I believe one day I will have everything I dreamed of. I believe nothing stays in the same place forever. I continue to keep myself busy, to stop myself from thinking about my past. I have set myself goals that I will strive to achieve and from this, I will be able to eradicate my memories. I will be able to help others to also put their past behind them and learn to overcome their fears. Everyone has down days even the richest people on the planet and everyone has a story to tell. The trick is learning to love, respect yourself and learn to forgive. My therapy is called “writing”, this can be a letter, a diary, a blog, or a book.
Writing releases the tension and puts it out to the universe, it is up to God to punish the perpetrators that have hurt you, whilst allowing you to rebuild your life.
“I carry a battlefield of wounds and from my own personal experiences will tell my story”.
My Book Is Coming Out In 2023
“Like a Pheonix, From the ashes, I will rise and God help anyone that stands in my way. I am a survivor warrior and am iRenata”.
My OCD is germ contamination thatstarted 38 years ago but was diagnosed in1992.
In the beginning, I started to adopt unusual habits I did not understand what it was or why I was doing it other than I had to release the impulsive urge otherwise it would torment me. There was no internet back then so could not google it.
Looking back now my mother had similar traits but not as bad as me and some were a little different.
When I tried telling my mother in her later years she was in complete denial. My father was not happy because he did not know what OCD was and did not like me whipping out Dettol Surface Spray every five minutes and simply thought I had a screw loose.
What is OCD
OCD is a common debilitating condition affecting individuals from childhood through adult life. There is good evidence of genetic contribution to its etiology, but environmental risk factors also are likely to be involved. The condition probably has a complex pattern of inheritance. Molecular studies have identified several potentially relevant genes, but much additional research is needed to establish definitive causes of the condition. Genetics of OCD – PMC (nih.gov)
My mother had OCD, for example, when we came home from school my mother would make us stand in a small area in the kitchen to take our shoes off, we would then have to go upstairs immediately and stand on a newspaper to take our uniform off and get changed.
My mother had a habit of checking the soles of our shoes or even guest shoes as no one could come into the house without taking them off in the corridor. I reckon if anyone caught her doing what she did they would be mortified.
All grocery shopping would have to be washed with detergent before it could go in the cupboards. Obviously, some foods such as bakeries would have the outer packaging wiped with a dishcloth.
My mother had problems with newspapers and mail (just like me), she was careful how she opened them, everything had to be in a certain place and could not be touched unless it was in a certain area of the house and we would have to discard the outer envelopes and wash our hands.
My father’s jacket would always be inspected for dirt, especially on the hem and sleeves after he hung it up. I think her OCD put a strain on their marriage, although I think they had problems way before she developed the disorder which I believe was a direct consequence of how my father treated her.
Ongoing studies point to a genetic defect in the way the front area of the brain communicates with deeper areas. These deeper structures use serotonin, a chemical messenger. Images of the brain in some people with OCD show that these defective communication circuits work more normally with serotonin-based medications or cognitive behavior therapy. OCD Causes: Is OCD Genetic, Hereditary? | HealthyPlace
The start of my OCD symptoms.
I was 21 when I started to develop OCD traits, it was whilst I was in a relationship with someone who took advantage of his position in a Bank he worked in, and any attractive-looking female customers he would look for their names, addresses, and phone numbers up and phone them to ask them out for dates (obviously this would never be allowed to happen now because of GDPR but as I got more suspicious that he was playing away I phoned the numbers that he would leave lying around and the women would confirm that they went out with him. It is amazing no one reported him because he is now a regional bank manager thanks to me finding the job in a job center and applying on his behalf somewhat 38 years ago.
The straw that broke the camel’s back.
I think the straw that broke the camel’s back was when out of the blue with no notice at all he said it was over between us. To be honest I was madly in love with him (he looked like a young version of Tom Cruise a spitting image of Top Gun Movie 1 and now looks more like David Cameron MP (Yes I have looked him up and blocked him). I would have taken a bullet for him (my ex not the MP), regardless of what he did.
In my heart, I forgave him as long as we would stay together, but pressure from his parents especially his mother did not approve of me as the daughter of a working-class immigrant who wanted her precious son to have a more upper-class suitor. His sister was also never a fan because it was her boyfriend that arranged a blind date that got us together and at the last minute bailed only to ask her brother to take his place. I was not aware of how much grief this would cause, and I would have been pissed if the roles were reversed and it happened to me, so did not blame her for being angry. She ended up breaking up with her boyfriend after that.
I knew at heart of hearts there was something very seriously wrong in our relationship (with my ex) and that he was a player. I started to wash my hands and body in ‘Dettol Antiseptic Disinfectant’ liquid, which either would be undiluted on my hands or mixed in my shower gels and shampoos because I believed I wanted to wash the other women’s scent off me when he was intimate with me.
To this day I will only use Dettol Brand, I use it when I bathe and also when I wash my clothes. It cannot be any other brand other than Dettol.
I think what escalated my OCD was when I found out he was visiting brothels and he caught an STD, by that time we were not having sex but the thought of him having crabs grossed me out. It’s a long story about how I found out and it will be in my autobiography when I publish it.
I then started to be very vigilant about my surroundings, I started to have the shower curtain outside the bath, which would cause the floor to get wet and also get him angry, which in turn caused arguments. I could not stand the shower curtain clinging to me as I was showering and to this day I have not changed this habit. I now have a glass folding door fitted in my own bathroom.
After we broke up I think I must have had a nervous breakdown. I thought my life was over and I so desperately wanted him back, I realized why he no longer wanted to be with me because he met someone that worked at the bank (I believe everything happens for a reason, had I not found him that job, things would have maybe turned out differently) but looking at it now he did me a favor. I then decided to move away so that I would never bump into him again. I have since blocked him on all social media so if he was ever to look me up he would never have a hope in hell of ever speaking to me.
Coping with OCD over the years.
Over the years and depending on what was going on in my life I have good days and bad days but I learned to cope and adapt.
I did keep my OCD hidden for many years as I was very embarrassed to admit there was something wrong with me.
It was when people in public places bumped into me (busy towns) I started to have an issue with social connection. When using public transport I hated people sitting next to me. It got to the stage I would avoid buses altogether and it really rattled me when someone would push past me or if they bumped into me (say sorry) my argument would be if I was a car and there was a collision they would be doing more than apologizing.
I would find it hard to go to restaurants and cafes and have my own set of cutlery. I became vigilant about how the server served the drinks and how close to the rim of the glass their fingers would be. I ended up drinking from straws. I have been known to clean the seat before sitting down, this would get people to give me funny looks. Imagine sitting on a seat where the previous person has sat who may have tram lines in his or her undergarments.
My OCD is germ contamination. My impulse is not to touch unsanitized objects and my compulsion is to clean and disinfect whatever I am in contact with.
I have now opted out of socializing, it’s embarrassing to wear latex gloves in public. There is a stigma attached to people that behave differently from the rest of the batteries in the matrix. The chances of being judged or ridiculed are too much for me to bear.
I prefer to live behind a computer screen than interact with the outside world.
Don’t get me wrong I would venture out if I had to, but try to avoid it as much as possible. I would take extra precautionary measures and try to overcome my anxiety.
I have all my groceries, prescriptions and shopping delivered. There is nothing I cannot do but it all has to be done online. All statements and invoices are online.
I also have a problem with flies (fruit flies in particular) but flies in general that sits on dog poo and then sit on your surfaces really turn my stomach. In the summer months, I am armed with fly spray by the dozen.
My compulsions, I do try and fight as much as I can, say, for instance, if I have touched something by accident, I will go and change my clothes. However, there have been instances where I have not been able to sanitize expensive things and have had to through them away. I remember when my daughter was little and she stepped in dog poo, I ended up throwing out her shoes.
I cannot share my bath with anyone else other than my daughter. I cannot let anyone touch anything that belongs to me such as a laptop, books, or that kind of thing.
I cannot have someone sit next to me or touch me. Even my daughter’s cat knows not to jump on my seating area, although if he has brushed himself by accident against me I immediately have to take my leggings off to be washed.
I go through about 1000 pairs of gloves per month and use two bottles of 750 ml antiseptic disinfectant a week. I spent about £800 on this alone last year (I know this from doing my tax return).
The more stressed I am the worse my OCD gets. If people put pressure on me and cause me stress and anxiety the more it flares up.
Reminders of the trauma and grief I endured
My Personal Belonging Being Touched
Being Touched (Hugs)
Dog Poo (cat poo or bird poo is not so bad, it is dog poo that is a trigger for me)
Animal Hair (especially dog hair)
Shaking Hands (how many people actually wash their hands when they go to the toilet)
Sharing Plates of Food
Public Places that are not sanitized
Half-finished projects or errors that need correcting (I cannot leave an error for another day I have to correct it there and then)
Keeping grief hidden can be a survival strategy after suffering a bereavement. New research shows that the social disconnection caused by concealing feelings of loss can increase psychological distress.
Social Disconnection is not always about OCD it could relate to other psychological distress disorders.
Every person on this planet will endure grief at some point in their lives. It will depend on how they cope which will determine the final outcome.
I find that scripting in a journal helps (I do it online but you can do it in a book, it’s down to personal preference at the end of the day) to get whatever off my chest. I have also tried meditation and hypnosis and you need to stick to it and do it religiously for it to work.
I have tried psychotherapy and CBT therapy and it only works in the short term. Speaking to shrink every week having to talk about the things you would rather forget is counterproductive. As for CBT, it is a therapy to change your thought process and resist the urge of the compulsion, the only way this kind of therapy works is under hypnosis which the NHS does not provide, and if you try and do it yourself you have to religiously work at it (miracles do not happen overnight).
I have self-hypnotized myself successfully although it is short-lived because I have to do it every day or a few times a week, in which I do not have the time for, considering I am working all day I am too tired and just want to go to sleep.
I also take prescribed medication, not that it helps my OCD in fact all it does is help me fall asleep. I would not mind doing clinical trials of magic mushrooms (Psilocybin) which I have heard can help sufferers with OCD. It is illegal to harvest or use them, without medical supervision. They are considered Class A drugs.
I keep myself busy and I am constantly learning about my disease so that I can not only help myself but help others like me.
I try to resist my urges as much as I can.
I am very vigilant about germ awareness and cross-contamination.
Motivating & Empowering & Advocate of OCD
I am an advocate for people with OCD. This is one of the reasons why I built this site to help people not only with mental but physical disabilities.
My daughter has Multiple Sclerosisand there are certain things she finds difficult to do so I arrange her appointments and respond to her every whim at least five hours a day. I am her personal assistant and care for her needs. I support her not only as her mother but also as her carer. Just because I have OCD does not stop me from doing things inside my home, with PPE. I can help her with getting in and out of the bath, just like any nurse wearing PPE clothing, such as disposable gloves and disposable hygiene coats. I can also cook and clean for her and help with anything she needs. Because of her immunosuppression, it is an added bonus that I keep our home sanitized and germ-free.
She is the assistant editor of this site. She suffers from excruciating pain which is one of the symptoms of (MS). and she is on the highest dosage of medication possible to be prescribed on a monthly basis.
In fact, altered functional connectivity between the cerebellum and cerebral networks involved in cognitive-affective processing in patients with OCD provides further evidence for the involvement of the cerebellum in the pathophysiology of OCD & MS and is consistent with impairment in executive control and emotion.
My daughter has a problem with symmetry and even numbers.
Just because you have a disability you still can strive to follow your dream even though you may have limitations there is usually a solution to every problem and you can overcome obstacles. There is nothing you cannot do if you put your mind to it.
Many neurodevelopmental conditions can often co-exist together, although can be treated in different ways.
OCD rears its ugly head when you find it difficult to cope with life, OCD can be the onset of trauma and grief.
Stress, Anxiety, and everyday struggles can cause your OCD to get worse especially when people try to undermine, humiliate, and judge you. Try to not let anything get to you and if you want your own space to write your own personal story, just drop me a line below and I will create a landing page, free of charge. Whatever your disability may be mental or physical you can write to your heart’s content about yourself and your daily struggles. People love reading stories they can relate to.
Since coming out as an OCD sufferer I have been made to feel as if I am bonkers by Personal Independence Payments (PIP). They have made me feel like I have no authority to speak on disabilities even though I am the Editor of this website and have a Diploma in OCD hypnotherapy. I do not practice hypnotherapy and only took the course to help me. As I mentioned previously for hypnotherapy to work it is a process that has to be done religiously on a regular basis. You cannot just hypnotize yourself in one session and expect miracles.
Whilst practicing hypnosis I have got myself into a very relaxed state.
It has helped me to a certain degree to resist my compulsions but has not eradicated my germ contamination obsession problem.
Furthermore, another day comes with more added stress and anxiety and I feel all my hard work has been a waste of time whereby I have just gone back to square one. I really should practice hypnotherapy every day for it to make some difference, yet never seem to find the time. My business comes first, as that is what pays the bills and brings food to the table.
Procrastination is the act of delaying or putting off tasks until the last minute, or past their deadline. Some researchers define procrastination as a “form of self-regulation failure characterized by the irrational delay of tasks despite potentially negative consequences.” According to Joseph Ferrari, a professor of psychology at DePaul University in Chicago and author of “Still Procrastinating: The No Regret Guide to Getting It Done,” around 20% of U.S. adults are chronic procrastinators.
Normally I am a well-organized individual and keep a business journal of things to do which I tick off once completed. But lately, even the to-do lists just lie there collecting dust.
I would much rather surf the net, watch movies and documentaries, and daydream rather than tackle more important issues. I find I can waste my whole day away simply doing nothing.
I lack motivation and enthusiasm and what once interested me no longer has the same appeal.
I think the only way I can get out of the rut I am in is to set goals because if I carry on like a robot I will not reap my rewards.
I have to stop worrying and think where there is an obstacle there is a solution to each problem and rather than avoid it tackle it head-on, with the attitude whatever will be will be. I am fortunate I can write so if there is a problem I can communicate in writing. My writing skills are my superpower.
If something is too hard to complete in one go, break it down into smaller modules.
As an example, I have a client that wants some articles written, and although I have semi-written them they go over the word count quota in which I am finding it difficult to make it shorter, hence am avoiding this person. I should by rights just say the articles will cost more than what he is prepared to pay or just accept his offer and not do any more work for him.
I am guilty of this, I may do everything than the task at hand. I may spend more time watching Netflix than doing my work. I sometimes lack motivation especially when I have things on my mind which are worrying me. People tend to procrastinate and waste countless hours on trivial pursuits (watching TV, updating their Facebook statuses, shopping online) rather than doing actual work or focusing on more important things.
Regardless if you have deadlines to meet and are putting off finishing a project for work, avoiding homework assignments, or ignoring household chores, procrastination can cause significant repercussions and have a major impact on your job, your grades, and your life.
Sometimes people have mental blocks and sometimes if something is troubling them they may avoid doing what urgently needs to be done.
Rather than run away from the problem tackle it head-on. There is no use trying to sweep it under the carpet because it will always be in the back of your mind.
You need to find the strength to deal with it.
Never leave things to the last minute, because if you do you will make things worse for yourself, you will make errors because you are hurrying and may not put all your thought into whatever you are trying to achieve. Students especially should give plenty of time to research, study, and understand.
Putting things off to the last minute may not give you ample time to finish the job.
You essentially will get yourself more worked up and stressed whereas if you had done it sooner you would not be in a fluster.
Don’t assume that projects won’t take as long to finish, this can lead to a false sense of security when you believe that you still have plenty of time to complete the tasks.
Staying focused and tackling undesirable jobs can help the job to be done quickly even though you may not always feel motivated. The reality is that if you wait until you’re in the right frame of mind to do certain tasks (especially ones you are not particularly looking forward to), you will probably find that the right time may never come and the task will never be completed.
A report published in 2007 on a meta-analysis in the Psychological Bulletin found that an outstanding 80% to 95% of college students procrastinated on a regular basis, especially when it came to completing assignments and coursework. According to researchers, there are some major cognitive distortions that lead to academic procrastination.
Students tend to:
Be bad at time management and may overestimate or underestimate how much time they have left to perform tasks and
Assume that they need to be in the right frame of mind to work
What Is Cognitive Bias?
Stress and depression can cause procrastination. It is the ability to avoid doing something that may urgently need doing and preoccupying one’s mind with something else that may be trivial. Feelings of hopelessness, helplessness, and a lack of energy can make it difficult to start (and finish) the simplest task. As an example, I have so many projects waiting to be written and I keep putting them off. I find I am a daydreamer and somehow am willing the projects to miraculously get written by themselves. I have decided to get this post published otherwise it would have lingered in my drafts. Depression can also lead to self-doubt. When you can’t figure out how to tackle a project or feel insecure about your abilities, you might find it easier to put it off.
Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD)
MY OCD is germ contamination, but I do have traits of perfectionism to make sure my articles are well-written and proofread before publication.
OCD is often linked with maladaptive perfectionism, which causes fears and anxieties about not messing things up or making new mistakes. It can also lead to doubts about whether you are doing something properly and worrying about what others may think of you or their expectations of you.
I am usually very organized and decisive although it is said that people with OCD also often have a propensity toward indecision, causing them to procrastinate rather than make an active decision. (This is true to a certain degree for me, because if I am anxious about a certain task I may avoid doing it or postpone it to the very last minute).
Research has found many adults with attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) find it hard to concentrate and thus struggle with procrastination.
A person who is not focused and is distracted with intrusive thoughts can find it hard to get started on a task, especially if that task is difficult or not interesting to them.
Is Procrastination a Mental Illness?
Although procrastination is not defined as a mental illness, in some cases, it may be symptomatic of an underlying mental health condition such as depression, OCD, or ADHD.
Why Do You Procrastinate?
When it comes to procrastination we often come up with a number of excuses to justify why we avoid doing things. According to researchers, there are 15 key reasons why people say they procrastinate:
Being unsure of what needs to be done
Being unsure of how to do something
Avoiding wanting to do something
Not bothered if it gets done or not
Not bothered when something gets done
Not being in the mood
Leaving things till the last minute
Thinking that you work better under pressure
Believing that you can finish it at the last minute
Lacking the motivation to get started
Not remembering to start something
Using sickness or poor health as an excuse
Believing that the best time to start is at the right moment
Thinking you need time to plan the task
Postponing one task in favor of working on another
Types of Procrastination
Some researchers classify two types of procrastinators: passive and active procrastinators.
Passive procrastinators: Postpone tasks because they have trouble making decisions and acting on them
Active procrastinators: Postpone tasks deliberately because working under pressure allows them motivated
Perfectionist: Avoiding tasks out of the fear of not being able to complete the job perfectly
Dreamer: Postpones or avoids tasks because they cannot complete the job thoroughly
Defier: Someone that believes their time cannot be dictated and they are in full control
Worrier: Postpones or Avoids tasks out of fear of change or leaving the comfort zone.
Crisis-maker: Postpones or avoids tasks because they like working under pressure and cannot deal with the stress
Overdoer: Someone that takes on too many jobs which may become overwhelming and may struggle to find time to start and complete one job never may several
Procrastinators vs. Non-Procrastinators
“Non-procrastinators do not have a care in the world they are very focused individuals that have good time management and can work under pressure and to deadlines. Non-procrastinators are assertive with strong personal identity do not care what others think about them. According to psychologist Piers Steel, people who don’t procrastinate tend to be high in the personality trait known as conscientiousness, one of the broad dispositions identified by the Big Five theory of personality. People who are high in conscientiousness also tend to be high in other areas including self-discipline, persistence, and personal responsibility.
When procrastination becomes chronic, it may begin to have a serious impact on a person’s daily life and this can become a serious issue. In such instances, it’s not just a matter of having poor time management skills, it’s a major part of their lifestyle.
Procrastinators may avoid paying their bills on time, may come into work late, or delay starting assignments until the night before the deadline, this could include delaying gift shopping until the day before a birthday, and even filing their income tax returns late.
Procrastination can have a serious impact on a person’s daily life routine, this, in turn, can cause serious health issues including mental health. Social, professional, and financial well-being can be affected including:
Significant higher levels of stress and illness
The increased burden placed on social relationships
People not understanding which leads to resentment from friends, family, co-workers, and fellow students
Financial Difficulty from the consequences of late bills and late payment charges.
Re-wire your mind, control your thoughts and stay focused.
Create a critical time path and map out each task in a journal or calendar, and set reminders.
Create a to-do list: To help keep you on track, consider placing a due date next to each item.
Take each step at a time, do not rush, and tick off each completed task. Take baby steps: Consider breaking down the items on your list into small, manageable steps.
Have time to meditate for 5 mins in the morning and 5 minutes before you go to bed.
Recognize intrusive thoughts and the warning signs, pay attention to any thoughts of procrastination and do your best to resist the urge. When you have a negative thought quickly put that thought into your imaginary bin and quickly replace it with a positive thought.
Create a tranquil setting where you cannot be disturbed. Eliminate all distractions including social media if you do not use them for business use.
Be self-disciplined, be assertive, and try to work slowly and take one task at a time.
Reward yourself with a self-gift for every task completed, it could be a simple bar of chocolate to a more expensive present you have been meaning to buy yourself. Knowing that once you have completed your task and looking forward to receiving your well-deserved purchase makes the job even more worthwhile.
Up to ½ million people in the UK have work-related stress often resulting in illness. Up to 5 million people in the UK are ‘very’ or ‘extremely’ stressed through work. ‘Stress, depression, and anxiety are the second most commonly reported work-related illnesses. https://www.stressuless.com/stress.html
Stress & Depression are the root cause of OCD.
Depression may be related to the personal stress developed at home or work. Depression may result after the onset of OCD as in the article below but Depression can also be the result of traumatic events in a person’s life such as Grief which causes a Domino Effect.
I will talk about 5 things relating to me and how they are impacting my life and what I am doing in terms of therapy.
I am under a tremendous amount of stress for the following reasons:
I have an ongoing dispute with British Gas and it is currently being investigated by the ombudsman.
I have clients dropping like flies because they no longer can afford to pay for their websites due to the price rises of the cost of living.
I am concerned about the stability of a brand new computer that the manufacturer refused to replace or give a refund for. (I am tired of all the arguing I am having to do).
The uncertainty of what the future holds,
I wrote a letter 15 pages long to my GP (Doctor) after I received a letter to make an appointment for my annual medication review, but they could not send me a letter when I wrote to them (9 pages long) in May 2021. I sent both letters via email and both letters were acknowledged and put on the system with a response that a clinician will contact me…I am still waiting for a reply to my letter.
There is a clue in the 4 points I mentioned that can narrow down to the underlying root of how I am feeling, albeit I am also suffering from the aftermath of the domestic violence I endured on top of the daily stresses.
SYMPTOMS OF ANXIETY
Anxiety may present with any of the following symptoms:
Nervousness (I do get nervous when I have to do things I am unfamiliar with relating to work or have to start a dispute to the point I actually feel sick).
Being overly and constantly worried(I try to keep myself busy so that I do not have to think too much about my problems).
Restlessness (I cannot sit and do nothing, I have to do something, I cannot do idle chitter chatter, I think sitting at a table talking nonsense whilst socializing is a waste of time, I would much rather learn something or turn the wheel to generate business than attend social gatherings -although I cannot at the moment because of my social disconnection issues).
Feeling a lump in your throat (If I recall experiencing fear or being in fight or flight mode I have experienced an uncomfortable feeling of finding it hard to swallow).
Difficulty concentrating (I have noticed that I cannot concentrate on reading books, it’s as if my mind wanders).
Fatigue (I am tired usually when I wake from the interrupted sleeping pattern and a combination of taking my med, so I counteract this by drinking energy drinks that are high in caffeine).
Irritability (I am only irritable if things do not go my way).
Impatience (I have a short fuse, I do not have patience and I can be rude at times although I usually do apologize I get irritable of people play me to be a fool. people should be careful to insult my intelligence).
Muscle tension (Not that I have noticed other than back pain or electricity shooting in the back of my neck but that could be related to Epidural Analgesia).
Insomnia (I take medication to send me to sleep otherwise my mind would be racing all night long and I would not be able to sleep).
Excessive sweating (Not that I have noticed personally)
Shortness of breath (If I have a panic attack, if I am extremely anxious, or if something has really upset me to the point I am becoming a nervous wreck I have been known to have a shortness of breath especially if I have been in a fight or flight mode due to domestic violence).
Stomachache (My mother suffered from stomach problems I always thought she was intolerant to certain foods but as I reflect my stomach is normally fine).
Diarrhea (Energy drinks do that but the way I relate to this it helps to flush all the toxins out and helps with weight gain).
Headache (If I get really stressed my head will thump).
Appetite changes (I have not noticed an increase or decrease in appetite but sometimes crave chocolate, but don’t we all).
OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder)
Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) is a mental health disorder that causes distress to the sufferer, it may be a recurrent pattern of unwanted thoughts (obsessions) such as germ contamination that lead to repetitive behaviors (compulsions) such as to disinfect and quarantine. Obsessive thoughts are uncontrollable fears, ideas, sensations, or impulses that trigger extreme distress.
Because I am stressed my OCD is more visible. I may have to change my clothes multiple times in the day if I think I have brushed past something by accident. I am unstable in keeping my balance(cerebellar atrophy).
I go through about 500 pairs of disposable gloves a day and find it hard to touch things with my bare hand without disinfecting them straight after with Dettol. It has to be Dettol as the other brands I cannot get my head around that they will do the same job even though they claim they do, maybe it is my OCD that makes me think this way.
I have a quarantined area where no one can step foot apart from me, not even my daughter can touch anything that I deemed to be sanitized. I am really sad that I cannot give my daughter a hug, I really wish I could but something stops me. I know it is not her it is me and one day I will be in a better place because in the 30 years I have suffered with OCD I have managed to control it to the point it was not so prominent until I had an onset of traumatic events that caused it to come back again with a vengeance.
I am 100% convinced if I did not have stress, did not endure traumatic events, and if I did not have depression because of the stress and I was in a HAPPY PLACE my OCD would be under control. I would not say it would be 100 % cured because depending on my stress levels it would never be totally eradicated. Some people can deal with stress better than others. Some people, smoke cigarettes, drink alcohol and take recreational or prescribed drugs. I only take prescribed drugs for my OCD and they do not work other than sending me to sleep.
I am always on the lookout for different ways I can control my OCD but I have only found hypnosis and meditation to help with the healing process. I am studying neuroplasticity and how to rewire our brains.
In order forhypnosis to work, it has to be done consistently, you will not be cured in a day, week, or month. This has to be a daily occurrence until you start noticing a change. I have completed my diploma for hypnosis and yes I did hypnotize myself successfully but I need to do it every day and with work commitments and everything else that is going on in my life I am too tired and end up falling asleep. You should do hypnosis just before you do to sleep or when you wake up. Other times you can do it during the day without distractions and religiously around the same time of the day.
Although I can do hypnotherapy I do not practice it and have never tried to do it on anyone else.
I live in rented accommodation and have lived in the same property for 24 years. Although I have had money in the past to buy a property I was never focused and did not understand the consequences of my actions in planning for the future. I lived in the moment and never planned my life ahead.
My intrusive thoughts are:
Will my abuser return to the UK to pay me a visit? (That is part of the reason why I have not left my home because I am scared he may be lurking around.
Will I crash and burn and lose everything? ( I got robbed a few years ago and all my valuables were stolen. I have replaced the majority of things and do not want to lose them again.
Will my daughter’s health deteriorate (she suffers from multiple sclerosis)?
Will my health ever improve?
Will I ever be happy and in a happy place?
Thoughts that cause triggers like the death of Queen II, and although the news is sad and I know a family is grieving, it has however revived memories of my parents and my brother passing which has made me have thoughts such as if our loved ones are watching over usare they disappointed in me or are they happy that I am doing everything I can to turn my life around?
Symptoms of Depression are:
Continuous feelings of low mood and/or sadness (I try to keep myself busy so that I do not have time to dwell too much on all the things that have gone wrong in my life).
Feeling hopeless and helpless (Yes I do feel hopeless at times but I always try to find the energy to fight until I reach my goals -yes I have set goals, you have to, you need to have a plan).
Having low self-esteem (When I wake it is like one of those movies where the person dies and comes back again and nothing has changed, well it is like that for me, I eat, sleep and repeat and nothing changes).
Feeling tearful constantly (I cannot say I am tearful it takes a lot to push my buttons although British Gas (Energy Supplier) did drive me to tears, so I reported them).
Feelings of guilt (I feel guilty for squandering my money. Had I been focused and taught how to manage my money I would be in a different place now, but you learn the hard way I have many regrets and if I could turn back time with what I know I would have done things differently knowing what I know now. I feel guilty for being stupid with my finances and the people that I trusted). I also feel guilty for distancing myself and perhaps not contacting people sooner that have now passed away (old people).
Feeling irritable (I only get irritable if things do not go my way or if I have to deal with stupid people)
Having no motivation or interest in hobbies and interests (I have plenty of things to keep me occupied, the websites that I own and manage for my clients keep me busy, never mind my content writing. I am motivated because I have gotten this far so I am not going to give up even though when I wake it takes me a minute or two to tell myself that today may be the day that things change for the better, so I carry on).
Being indecisive (I sometimes procrastinate over things such as whether should I start a certain project or not, or if can it wait and I end up putting it off again and again).
No real enjoyment in life(I live on the internet my physical self is just a vessel that keeps me going. I do not think of my life in the physical sense I have socially disconnected from the outside world other than for the couriers and workmen that come to the property and I am happy this way. Would I do things differently if I did not have OCD or feared ever crossing paths with the people that caused me harm, I don’t think so. I am happy in my own company)
Feeling anxious and/or worried (My mother was a worrier and I must take after her, she also had undiagnosed OCD. Yes my intrusive thoughts do sometimes get in the way, hence I keep myself busy so that I do not have time to think).
Thoughts of harming yourself or suicidal feelings (This is furthest from my mind. I was at my lowest and for a millisecond it did cross my mind when I endured all the physical and mental abuse from my abuser but I told myself if I quit he would win so I turned my thoughts around to show him that everything he said was wrong and that I would be successful and he would live to regret treating me the way he did).
Loss of appetite – although sometimes can see an increase in appetite (I see food as energy when I am hungry I will eat, I do not watch my calories and try to eat healthy most of the time, I have no problem with my appetite, in fact, I should really lose a bit of weight considering I do not exercise because (a) I do not venture out (b) My knee pain would be too excruciating to walk very far).
A general lack of energy (Because of my medication, I feel so tired when I wake so I counteract that by drinking energy drinks that are high in caffeine which causes a domino effect and causes me to have an overactive bladder)
Low sex drive.
Trouble sleeping (I do have trouble sleeping but that is alleviated with the prescribed medication, however with the interruptions to my sleep because of my overactive bladder I find when I wake I am very tired so have to drink energy drinks to keep me awake).
Avoiding social interaction (I have social disconnection issues and I prefer my own company)
Difficulty maintaining family relationships (I do not have any close relatives living in the UK other than my daughter and we have a close bond, my brother and all his children live in the USA, I guess it must be very hard for their mother who lives in the UK).
My Dreams, Aspirations & Goals
My dreams, aspirations, and goals are one day to be in a happy place living a happy life, be financially free and most of all not suffering from OCD, Stress, Anxiety, or Depression. I want to one day when I retire travel the world and photograph everything I see. I want to one day be able to document my journey and leave a legacy.
I want to motivate and inspire people so that they can be led on the right path.
I will continue to do what I am doing because I sense where I am supposed to be, is the right place to be. By continuing writing and researching I not only help myself I also help others. This online journal is my therapy because it gives me a platform to voice my knowledge, thought and opinions.
I have always known that large corporations do not care about people. If you look at the bigger picture, if you or I murdered someone we would go to jail regardless if we did it ourselves or hired someone to do it for us. So why is it that world leaders can start wars and get away with murder?
The whole point of wars is to raise inflation, people tend to panic buy, by worrying about price rises. But for organizations such as utility providers that are on a gravy train getting compensated by the federal reserve, they do not care about your well-being either.
It is all about the sheer greed for money and power.
OFGEM the ombudsman for energy suppliers is the government. The energy suppliers and the governments work hand in hand. Ofgem is supposed to work with people and not against them: However, Samantha Allen, chief executive of the NHS in the North East and Cumbria, hit out at Ofgem for halting energy supplies for vulnerable people who haven’t paid. Risks to clinically vulnerable people (northeastnorthcumbria.nhs.uk)Do you see that OFGEM is on the side of the energy supplier and not the people?
It will be interesting to see if what I say is true, because I have reported British Gas to OFGEM and I have until October 14th, 2022 to get a response.
The MPs are getting richer and the rest of us are getting poorer.
So it is no surprise there is an investigation going on how MPs have claimed taxpayer’s money to pay for the energy bills.
Ministers’ claims for gas, electricity, and water came to just over £195,000 in 2021–’22, according to an analysis of data from IPSA.
It also showed since 2019 that MPs have claimed just over £692,000 to cover these utility costs, with £538,000 alone going on heating bills.
Suella Braverman, favorite to be named home secretary if Ms. Truss wins the leadership contest, has claimed £7,160 for household utilities since the 2019-’ 20 financial period.
Education secretary James Cleverly, predicted to become foreign secretary, billed taxpayers £4,142 in energy and water bills at the same time.
Among senior Labour MPs making the claims was the party’s deputy leader Angela Rayner, who has been handed £2,318 to cover energy and water bills since 2019.
You have to bear in mind that these people in power have never experienced poverty for themselves, they have never had to worry about keeping a roof over their heads or putting food on the table let alone finding money to pay bills.
It is ironic that the same people go around preaching how someone should budget their money and send you to places like stepchange .org when you already have a clear picture that you do not have enough money coming in to cover your bills. So how can these charities help other than to give donations?
It really rattles me that the people at the top preach to the rest of us about money yet they are the ones causing us to get into debt.
Note From The Editor
Think of it this way the world is overpopulated, and the governments are forking a shed load for vulnerable people and people with disabilities. The governments (UK are in trillions of debt to the EU for Brexit, so where is the money going to come from to clear the UK debt?
I am now on par with managing my money after months of sheer heartache with British Gas. This cost of living, British Gas, and my creditors have caused me to dive into a deep state of depression and some days find it hard to function properly. If Covid was not bad enough and I lost a lot of business now I am having clients dropping like flies because they cannot afford to run their websites any longer. I do not see the government helping small businesses, do you?
I do try to keep myself busy and I try to learn something new every day. Talking to people does not help (not for me anyway), what advice can someone give, if they are not more qualified than me, or know my personal circumstances?
“Knowledge is Power“.
I am not saying do not talk to someone, in fact, I advise you to talk to a friend, family, or colleague, especially if life is becoming unbearable. Even go as far as talking to your GP (Doctor) but if it can’t wait phone A&E or ER.
What I find is venting my thoughts on this site helps. It not only helps me but can help someone else like me.
You do not have to use your real name just set up a Gmail email and register on here to also vent. In fact, I have even got categories called “Online Journal General” and “I Need To Vent”.
My final recommendation is not to stop paying your bills altogether, but instead, pay what you can afford while at the same time reducing your energy usage. This will hurt the energy suppliers’ profits. I have elected to pay monthly by bank transfer rather than direct debit, this gives me greater control over my bank and does not give energy suppliers a license to help themselves.
How To Reduce Your Energy Usage Home & Business – CYMRU DIGITAL MARKETING BUSINESS JOURNAL (cymrumarketing.com)
I have been a sufferer of mental health for the best part of 30 years diagnosed to include depression and OCD. During this time I have tried CBT Therapy, seen a therapist, and have been given medication that has altered over the years from Prozac, Sertraline, and Mirtazapine. These drugs have literally done nothing for me other than make me feel zombified.I am now researching neuroplasticity and how hypnosis and meditation can help me heal through my own self-help therapy. So learning that some mental health disorders have nothing to do with a chemical imbalance does not surprise me. If anything dopamine the happy feeling we have when we are engaged in something we like may help us overcome disorders. “Although I joke around, if I was happy living on cloud nine, I reckon I would not have as many issues as I have now (the reason I say this is I have hit highs and lows and when I am happy without a care in the world my symptoms start to subside“).
Dopamine is a medication form of a substance that occurs naturally in the body. It works by improving the pumping strength of the heart and improving blood flow to the kidneys. Dopamine injection (Intropin) is used to treat certain conditions that occur when you are in shock, which may be caused by a heart attack, trauma, surgery, heart failure, kidney failure, and other serious medical conditions. Dopamine is a type of neurotransmitter. Your body makes it, and your nervous system uses it to send messages between nerve cells. That’s why it’s sometimes called a chemical messenger. Dopamine plays a role in how we feel pleasure. It’s a big part of our uniquely human ability to think and plan. It helps us strive, focus, and find things interesting.
Doctors are starting to rethink that ‘chemical imbalance’ does not cause depression. Psychiatry has known for some time that the “serotonin theory” of depression, the notion that too little of the brain chemical can be a cause of depression, is a decades-old hypothesis and deeply entrenched trope in society that helped promote a class of antidepressants taken by millions is wrong, says Montreal psychiatristDr. Joel Paris.
Two months after a major review found no support for the hypothesis that depression is caused by lowered serotonin activity or concentrations, and no convincing evidence of a “chemical imbalance,” the paper is still stirring controversy. Its authors say they have been ridiculed and attacked and accused of dog whistling far-right commentators who have groundlessly linked antidepressants to mass shootings. Responses from psychiatrists have been oddly contradictory, ranging from “nothing new here, of course, we knew it was never serotonin, it was never that simple” to criticisms that it’s premature to toss out the serotonin theory outright and that the authors missed some studies and interpreted others incorrectly.
Dr. Joanna Moncrieff, a consultant psychiatrist, and professor of critical and social psychiatry at University College London told the National Post. Specifically, drugs known as SSRIs, or selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors have been said to work by correcting abnormally low serotonin, a neurotransmitter that helps move messages between brain cells and that’s thought to play a role in how our brains process emotions. Moncrieff’s study didn’t look at the efficacy of SSRIs, just how likely they are to do what people have been told they do, and she’s been accused of seriously over-stepping the data. “It seems the main criticism is that antidepressants work,” Moncrieff said. “It doesn’t matter how they work. It doesn’t matter that the original idea, the original theory for how they work is unproven. They work, and that’s all that matters.”
“Contrary to any arguments or beliefs and being a sufferer for more than 30 years I know that anti-depressants make you feel zonked out, they do not allow you to function properly and make you tired and lethargic. So although I take Mirtazapine and although it is meant to be for depression, and OCD, all it does is send me to sleep, and when I wake I have to drink energy drinks to help me function during the day”.
To Moncrieff, it matters. “Because whether they work or not depends on how we understand what they are doing.” And if they are not correcting a serotonin imbalance, or reversing some underlying mechanism of depression, what are they doing? “We have to consider other possible ways that they may be ‘working,’ inverted commas, which include the fact they are drugs that change normal brain chemistry.”
The serotonin “bombshell” caused an international media frenzy, though was largely ignored in Canada, with many headlines along the lines of, “How were so many duped?” Some psychiatric opinion leaders dismissed the study as “old wine in new bottles,” arguing that no serious psychiatrist today believes depressions are due to a tidy, simple imbalance in brain chemicals or “serotonergic deficit.” Apparently, no one told the public. One survey of Australian adults found that 88 percent believe in the “chemical imbalance” hypothesis of depression. A British Columbia government website says the SSRI escitalopram “works by helping to restore the balance of a certain natural substance (serotonin) in the brain.” Forbes Health quoted a Vanderbilt University psychiatrist explaining that SSRIs like Prozac, Paxil, Zoloft, and their generic equivalents work by boosting serotonin activity in the brain. “The idea is that if you have more serotonin in your synapses (regions in the brain where nerve impulses are sent and received) the better your mood will be.”
“Here is my take on this, if someone was to give me £1m and said it was mine to do what I want and never have to pay it back, my mood would change. Serotonin also found in chocolate has done nothing for my health other than make me gain weight” If you could erase all my bad memories and heal by starting a new life so would my mental health become better. I have known for years the medication I take does nothing for me other than send me to sleep or make me really drowsy and I have been on a fair few in my time. I know if I was happy, I would see an improvement in my mental well-being without a shadow of a doubt, because I have seen for myself how my moods change.
“It may well be the case that psychiatrists have a more ‘sophisticated’ understanding of the role of serotonin than the lay public,” Moncrieff and one of her co-authors, Dr. Mark Horowitz later wrote for Mad in America, “but psychiatrists have failed to correct this misunderstanding.”
“I, therefore, challenge anyone and want to prove my theory. I know when I was happy my OCD was less noticeable (if anything it was 95 % eradicated, I still had the odd intrusive thought here and there, and tried to fight the uncomfortable feeling with CBT). Through traumatic events over the last two decades, I am back to feeling unhappy and have had to start healing. Only a drastic intervention can cure me now”.
“I did not have depression, because I was happy”.
The serotonin theory seemed promising when first introduced 60 years ago, “but was soon discarded,” said Dr. Allen Frances, a professor emeritus of psychiatry at Duke University who led the task force that created the fourth edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders in 1994.
The association was weak and often didn’t replicate. “Depressions are so remarkably heterogenous, there can’t possibly be any unitary cause,” Frances said. “Further study revealed just how ridiculously complicated in brain structure and function.”
But the “chemical imbalance” theory was a marketing godsend for drug companies, following the benzodiazepine crisis in the 60s and 70s when the highly addictive tranquilizers were “doled out by the bucketload” to people, particularly women, who were unhappy “just to numb their unhappiness,” Moncrieff said.
In the 1980s, when the first SSRI, Prozac, was launched, “the pharmaceutical industry knew it couldn’t market them in the same way (as benzos) because numbing someone’s unhappiness had got a bad rep with the benzodiazepines, Moncrieff said. “So, it had to convince people that they had an underlying disease and needed to take the drugs for an underlying disease.”
“If you think something is wrong with your brain and a drug is going to put it right, of course, you’re going to take it.”
For their “umbrella” review published in Nature’s Molecular Psychiatry, Moncrieff and her co-authors reviewed high-level studies in six major areas of research spanning 56 years that together involved tens of thousands of people. While there’s no such thing as a “normal level” of serotonin, Moncrieff said, the studies involved indirect measures of serotonin activity, looking at, for example, serotonin and its breakdown products in people’s blood or cerebral spinal fluid, and comparing those levels between people diagnosed with depression, and people not diagnosed with depression, the healthy “controls.”
The researchers found no overall difference in levels of serotonin between the two groups. Serotonin is made from tryptophan, an essential amino acid that comes from the diet. When healthy people were put on diets lacking tryptophan, it didn’t make them depressed. When the researchers looked at studies of genes involved in the brain’s serotonin system, again there was no consistent difference between depressed and healthy volunteers.
“I think people need to think carefully about why they are taking (SSRIs) and what they think the drug is doing for them,” Moncrieff said. “If they are taking the drug because they think it’s correcting an imbalance in their brain, I would suggest that they could re-evaluate whether they need to take it,” she said. “They should, of course, not stop it suddenly,” she said. “They should do that slowly and gradually,” under a prescriber’s care.
What’s often lost in the loaded and polarized controversy over chemical imbalance and depression, Frances said, is that mild depressions are usually triggered by stresses in our lives and don’t require medications. “Instead, they improve with time, support, reduced stress and/or psychotherapy,” he said. Severe depressions do require meds and rarely respond to anything else, he said. “No one size fits all.”
However, “Continued attacks on the ‘chemical imbalance theory’ by anti-psychiatrists are beating a long dead horse and have the harmful unintended consequence of discouraging people with severe depression from taking the meds they desperately need and won’t get well without,” Frances said.
But if psychiatry knew the chemical imbalance theory isn’t real, they had a professional duty to tell people, said Marnie Wedlake, a psychotherapist and assistant professor in the School of Health Studies at Western University.
“If they knew this was a false narrative, as the self-proclaimed and publicly recognized primary experts, they should have been out there saying, ‘No, no, no. Correction.’ But they did not. They just let it go.’”
Still, while it would be easy to pile all blame on psychiatry and the drug industry, “that’s too tidy,” Wedlake said.
We’ve allowed a “pathologizing” of our human condition, she said. “If I’m feeling happy and peaceful, that’s great, but anything else has become a symptom.” When high school kids talk about their emotions today, “they use language that medicalizes their thoughts and feelings,” she said. “It’s just my OCD,” obsessive-compulsive disorder. “I was a shy kid. Kids in my class now in university, they’ve got social anxiety disorder.”
It’s hard to sit with despair she said, even though our human condition includes a heavy dose of it.
“As a species, we don’t know what to do with despair anymore. Ideally, we would say, ‘Okay, I’m feeling somewhat despairing, it’s just part of my life, the full colour spectrum of who I am. Sometimes I’m angry, sometimes I’m sad…. But it has been pathologized, and we don’t know what to do with it.’”
And SSRIs are being prescribed not just for depression, but for social anxiety disorder, panic disorder, OCD, phobias, and the list ever expands.
Meanwhile, the mental health system is failing, “miserably,” Wedlake said. “We’ve got Apps and 10 sessions of group CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) you might have to wait for a year-and-a-half for. If you’ve got someone living with extraordinary internal distress, 10 sessions of group CBT are like a band-aid on someone who has been in a car wreck.
“We don’t have the psychotherapeutic resources we need to meet the needs of those who need to deal with their distress.”
If people can’t afford private psychotherapy, if they can’t function or work, “the only option that’s available to them is the Paxil, Prozac, Zoloft, or Celexa that their GP is handing out,” she said. “People are stuck.”
Moncrieff, the co-founder of the Critical Psychiatry Network and author of The Myth of the Chemical Cure and other books, said she is “definitely not anti-drug. I see myself as being a very cautious person in relation to drugs.” She uses them in her own practice for people with severe illnesses like schizophrenia. Sedatives like benzodiazepines can be helpful in a crisis, short term, she said. “But I think that drugs that affect the brain, we should be cautious about.”
There’s no evidence they’re reversing an underlying brain abnormality, she said, but “they are doing something to the brain. And by doing that they change our normal mental states.”
SSRIs have been widely reported to cause an emotional blunting effect, a blunting of both positive and negative emotions. “Maybe there are some people who feel that is a useful effect for them. Some people will just decide they want to carry on taking antidepressants. That’s fine. I just think people need to have this information.”
That doesn’t mean there’s not something going on in the brain, she said. “Of course, there is.” Serotonin is just one chemical that’s been implicated. “But that doesn’t help explain the situation. And we probably never will be able to quite pin down what it is, anyway.”
Paris, of McGill, agrees that SSRIs are overused. “The old adage is that if you have a hammer, everything looks like a nail. Clinicians want to do something for their patient, and these days that will usually be a prescription, given that psychotherapy is so poorly insured in Canada.”
The result is over-prescribing, and “polypharmacy,” giving people multiple medications, “but you can’t blame that on an incorrect theory.” Even though we don’t know how antidepressants work — some have suggested neurogenesis, the formation of new neurons, might be at play — “they do work for a lot of people,” Paris said. “Like so many treatments in psychiatry, and in medicine as a whole, to be fair, the effects are entirely empirical,” said Paris, who offers antidepressants if there are good reasons to suspect they will help.
Note From The Editor.
I am starting one course at a time and have already completed my diploma in OCD & Hoarding Hypnosis and I am starting to research and study neuroplasticity.
From what I have learned so far, always think in the present tense, when you are thinking about your dream job, dream, home, or dream vacation. Always be grateful for what you have and always say thank you to your God or the Universe. Believe you already have this and meditate just as you are falling asleep or when you have just woken. Visualize you already have what you desire. Never say (if (if I had it) when (when I get it), or any negative thoughts out loud). Our mind has five states beta, alpha, theta, delta, and gamma. They are distinguished by brain activity and predominant brain wave signals. This speed and frequency are measured in ‘Hertz’ and the figures are obtained using an Electrocardiogram (EEG) machine. Your 5 Brainwaves: Delta, Theta, Alpha, Beta and Gamma | Lucid We have the ability to rewire our minds, through hypnotherapy, meditation, and positive thinking.
Chris O’Shea CEO of Centrica & British Gas Earns £775K Whilst The Vulnerable Suffer.
Centrica CEO Chris O’Shea has a salary of £775,000 per year and waives a £1.1 Million Bonus. His decision came as gas and electricity prices are set to soar by more than 50% for 22 million households across the UK in April.
Centrica said British Gas Energy saw a 44% jump in profits to £118 million last year.Citation.
** (The following is just my opinion and not fact). However one needs to look at the bigger picture if there is a board of directors for argument’s sake there are 12 as the pdf below suggests, and some not all are on a payroll (Non-executive directors are not directly employed), but that is not to say they do not get commissions or donations) and if each one has received £250K (hypothesis) per annum, that would be £2.75M, you have to ask yourself this question who works for nothing... https://boardappointments.co.uk/uk-non-executive-director-remuneration/
How can you pay for increased prices if you do not have the money, to begin with?
I first would like to add I actually give this company free advertising space on my useful links page under the heading charities and on this page. (Backlinks Cost Money)!! Advertising was requested by British Gas in May.
I would like to introduce myself, I am the Editor of ‘Disability UK -Disabled Entrepreneur Journal’. I am a Businesswoman and Author. I suffer from Cerebellar Atrophy Cognitive Impairment, Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD), and Depression. My Disabilities do not define me and I am not afraid to say I have them. I am also a carer for my daughter who has ‘Multiple Sclerosis’.
I have indeed contacted ‘TheBritish GasCharity’ which is a joke (application Number 1035904). I filled in the form and submitted my meter reading and documentation. They said it would take 10 days for someone to approve my application (that was on the 31st of May 2022) and it did not surprise me that they never responded.
It is all smoke and mirrors because if the majority of people in Britain with British Gas are in turmoil, I do not think they have endless amounts of money to give away. So their charity is not worth the web space.
I am a genuine case and for them to not even respond says a lot about them. (Try them out for yourself if you are a British Gas Customer, but do not get your hopes up).
Now if a company has profits into the millions then they should take into account vulnerable people which they do not.
After being prompted to phone British Gas because I was being spammed 6 times by this number: 03332029470, (this is harassment)I took it upon myself to phone and complain. The phone call today lasted 2hrs 18 mins (see screenshot).
The original number that phoned me was (03332029470) to set up a smart meter and I had to justify why I do not want one which I have written previously about: https://disabledentrepreneur.uk/how-safe-are-smart-meters-for-your-health/ The customer representative technical department went on to say they would send someone to my home to ask me why I do not want one. Good Luck to anyone visiting as I am not allowing anyone over my threshold. The woman I spoke to said that because I had submitted a meter reading my monthly bill which was at the beginning of the year £65 rose to £90 in April, then rose again to £138 in May, and wait for this rose again today to £190 per month.
£190 Per Month GasPayments!
I started crying (no word of a lie), I told the operative that the most I can afford is £100 per month and she point blank refused to help spread the costs over 36 months.
She continued to say that my usage is a prediction….well before the meter reading I had my central heating on 24/7 as I have black mold and my daughter who has multiple sclerosis cannot be around the spores, so I need to keep the house warm.
I said my life is not important whilst my daughter is and I said it was unreasonable and unfair to make me pay £190 when I cannot afford to do so right now.
(Obviously, the woman does not know how to count because if I paid £100 already this month and I still owe £333 (1st quarter) and each quarter after that was £400 for argument’s sake that would be £1,600 per annum divided by 12 months = £133 per month and not £190). I am going to bring this up when I submit my new meter reading.
This woman simply did not care what I was saying.
I also said if I cannot afford to heat my home and the black mold spreads I can then sue British Gas if my daughter relapses again. She did not like what I said.
She gave me a complaint reference number: 8013807386
I said,“if I killed myselfBritish Gas would not get a single penny from me”... My point was, do not push people over the edge, not that I was actually going to do it, there is a difference!
My Mental Health.
In my defense, I am NOT feeling suicidal just emotionally distressed, this is why I have an online journal where I can vent my anger and make my opinions known. I have a lot going for me and I feel for people who do not have a strong mind as I have, I see myself as their voice if they cannot defend themselves.
I use this platform to speak on behalf of people like myself or people worse off than me.
With social media, you may be restricted to what you can and can’t say. But on your own platform, you are in full control. Although I use social media to spread the articles I write.
I have a lot to live for, unbeknown to thepeople that are too ignorant to find out but are too quick to judge.
I mentioned this website multiple times “www.disabilityuk.co.uk” which forwards to “www.disabledentrepreneur.uk” in the phone call as I knew it was being recorded. I did it purposely so that people realize who I am. I will not stand for intimidation from anyone of any kind.
What made me laugh was at the end of the call she said it was a duty of care for her to report me to the authorities because I mentioned the dreaded “If I kill myself”. She did not want any repercussions. It was not that she cared. People do not care unless it directly affects them.She did not want ‘British Gas’ to be in the news and I guess they are told if a customer says anything that is a red flag to report it. In other words, she has kicked the can down the road, so nothing happened on her watch.
Bring it on is all I can say because this will cause a domino effect and open up a can of worms.
In fact, I reached out to my GP in a letter over my mental health that was put on the system last year but was never actioned by any doctor.
According to the practice manager, Doctors are too busy to respond to emails or letters even though my daughter’s Neurologist who is also a Professor at Oxford University has the time and decency to respond to my daughter’s emails.
My time does not matter to anyone.
I have another day wasted rather than working, I have had to fart around having to waste nearly two and half hours of my precious time to get nowhere.
Let’s see what the media will say when I send this to every corner of the planet.
British Gas Has Caused Me Emotional & Psychological Distress!
Let the fun begin because if ‘British Gas’ decide to try and come after me and they use harassment tactics I am fully armed. Besides I plan to pay them off next month.
This would not be the first time they have been sued and I doubt it will be the last.
I mentioned the National Debt Line: https://www.nationaldebtline.org/fact-sheet-library/gas-and-electricity-arrears-ew/ and said that Utility Companies have to adhere to rules such as and the woman said my circumstances do not apply and it would be impossible to give me breathing space:
People can be vulnerable for a wide range of reasons. Vulnerability can be linked to age, physical health, mental health, or going through a difficult time in life. A vulnerability could be temporary or ongoing. You should let your supplier know if there is anything about your circumstances that makes you vulnerable as they may offer you more support if they know this.
You should also check if your supplier has signed up for the Energy UK Vulnerability Commitment. Energy UK is a trade association. Suppliers signed up to the Vulnerability Commitment have said they will provide extra support to vulnerable customers. This includes:
Make sure staff have an understanding of vulnerability and can identify that you might be in vulnerable circumstances;
Give you an alternative way of contacting them in addition to phone contact;
Provide a freephone number if you are in financial difficulty and they think it is appropriate; and
Make sure you have paper versions of your bill if this is what you need.
This is a B#ll Sh#t because the woman today did not provide any of the above.
Furthermore, she refused to co-operate by turning the onus on me that I am not co-operating by not agreeing to pay £190 per month.
British Gas is having a laugh.
I said if it means I do not use hot water to bathe and not cook as well as not heating my home although I cannot see it being cold for a few months then that is what I will have to do. (This is degrading and affecting one’s quality of life).
I reiterated that I would be writing about British Gas on this websiteand “I quote the woman saying “we do not have anything to do with disabilities”.
I had zero support for my daughter and me who both have mental and physical disabilities.
The moment I can pay this company off I am going to switch providers and will never recommend this company to anyone. They have an affiliate program which means they want help with marketing, so any affiliate marketers should avoid this company. By coincidence ‘British Gas’ are advertisers on Awin who I use for my affiliate marketing projects. Saying this I will never promote this company actively even though I have them listed on my useful links page and mentioned them in my article indirectly.
May I add that they never responded to my letter attachment in the email which had an auto-responder come back that they had in fact received my correspondence on the 28th of May 2022but chose to ignore it?
Condenscending and Intimidating.
People working for these large blue-chip companies should keep their tone neutral, and opinions to themselves they should not be biased.
The woman (Valencia) I spoke to said I should look at stepchange.org I explained I am fully aware of my rights and she became condescending demanding I tell her what they said.
I am not going to allow you to browbeat me as this woman was trying to do.
My gut feeling is they have calculated my meter reading of what I owed prior to the price hike to the new prices to make more money.
I will be posting my new meter reading on here tomorrow including the one on the 31st and will see if my reading goes up again.
**I have published this page but may update it with more information, as when I get any updates from British Gas who emailed me today and said they had deadlocked my complaint, according to ‘Valencia’. As far as I am concerned it is not over until ‘the fat lady sings, in other words,it is a colloquialism that is often used as a proverb. It means that one should not presume to know the outcome of an event that is still in progress. More specifically, the phrase is used when a situation is nearing its conclusion.
So please come back for more updates.
I am now going to be a thorn in British Gas’s side and every month I will be doing a meter reading.
Will I be pursuing “Emotional Distress Compensation” of course I will, and this is what you should do if you too feel you have become unwell because of any company.
Did yesterday’s (14/06/22) fiasco cause me emotional distress, and did British Gas treat me badly of course they did and this is not over until I say it is regardless of their deadlock narcissistic letter.
If you are in a similar position to me, it is not the end of the world and there is a solution to every problem.
If you feel suicidal call the Samaritans116 123 (UK) or visit A&E – (UK) / ER– (USA) or call the Emergency Services 999 (UK) / 911 (USA).
On that note, I did get a welfare check from the Police albeit it was seven hours after my initial phone call to British Gas had ended and guess what the Police said they were on my side and agreed that the CEO needs to be aware of this as they are getting a lot of calls like the one they received about me.
Stay safe and do not let these companies bully you.
It is not your fault that the greedy people blue-chip companies, at the top of the food chain like P#tin, and the Banks, Governments, and Large Corporations want to milk every last penny out of you.
I have received two emails from British Gas and a letter regarding my complaint despite me saying I do not want letters in the post. (How to kill the planet with carbon emissions).
So they have disregarded my new meter reading which is calculated as follows and are not supporting people with mental health or disabilities, let the fun begin because I am going to be messaging the CEO directly:
Below is the email that was sent to me:
Here are the calculations per unit as per the British Gas Website:
Ironically ‘British Gas’ will report you as “Duty of Care” if you happen to say something out of turn to make them look better but in the next breath disregard your disabilities and worst-case scenario cut off your supply.
People who are vulnerable especially old people may not turn on the heating or cook a hot meal in order to make sure their energy bills do not increase.
So although ‘British Gas’ may come across as they are helping it is all smoke and mirrors and they do not care about your well-being and would much rather pass the buck.
The other joke is why not reach out to organizations that specialize in financial difficulty. If you already know your financial circumstances and do not have the extra money, to begin with, no amount of juggling will pay off your debt and all you will be left with is to sell your assets if you have any or go bankrupt.
Maybe if everyone were to go bankrupt nationwide the Government would do something about it or maybe this is the end goal where no one owns anything (the great reset)?
I am not sure what the hidden agenda is but if vulnerable people do not get the help then unfortunately there is going to become a bigger problem.
Nobody should live in poverty, not in the 21st Century, and not have a good quality of life. People should NOT be killed because of W#rs. W#ars are big business to the people on top of the food chain. If world leaders have no regard for human life by starting w#ars, what chances have the rest of us got?I am sorry but if any country starts a w#r where people will be killed it just shows they do not care about humans in general. Nobody should die to help the 1% richer.
If the cost of living is the cause of the increase in mental health then powers that be that are responsible for the demise need to be made accountable.
My Online Journal is my safe space where I can share my stories and vent. I do not always write negatively but of late I have noticed blue-chip corporations treating people badly so not only is this my online therapy it also is a voice for people who cannot or do not know how to stand up for themselves.
I have not made an entry here for a while and yesterday was the ideal time to do some journaling and spill the beans.
The morning started out with me phoning all my insurance providers as I had deleted some direct debits in error. I suffer from cognitive impairment caused by cerebellum atrophy and sometimes muddle my words up. The words can be very overwhelming for me at times. Being stressed does not help and where I should have canceled one insurance policy, I actually canceled three. As it turns out the other two direct debits were obsolete, but still having to phone all nine companies was challenging.
The other problem I have is dreading talking over the phoneso when I tried to rectify the problem via email I was point-blank declined and was told to call. The calling is not so bad but it listening to the prompts Press #1 for what you had for breakfast Press #2 what you had for lunch and #Press #3 just to annoy you more (just kidding) although I have been subjected to up to 4 minutes of this from various companies before the annoying music starts playing. God forbid if your call drops and you have to start all the BS all over again.
Insurers do not make it easy, so although you may take out insurance by a said insurer the underwriters a separate company collect payment. So there could be the same underwriter for multiple insurers which can make it difficult when trying to find out who is who. I have done a spreadsheet so that I do not get caught out again, but by the 9th insurer I had enough, yet my day was only starting.
What rattled me was, that I was paying £65 at the beginning of the year then it went up to £90, and yesterday she wanted £138 per month. I was told I use more gas than the average household. The way I see it regardless if I did not use any gas at all, I still would have to pay for the service. I am not going to reduce the quality of my life and sit at home freezing cold. or only cook once a week. If a person is struggling to pay £90 then how the hell are they supposed to find the money to pay £138?
“A little bit of maths and common sense would not go a miss“.
“What are people supposed to do, do they have to rob banks or starve”?
Someone on LinkedIn commented “that charity starts a home”, but what she failed to comprehend was the support in the event of a military attack on these countries will be money in BJs / Chancellor of the Exchequers Pockets so to speak. W#ar is big business at the expense of the people. How do you accumulate wealth if you do not lend money or charge interest on the money you lend out? This is how the money system works. If you lone out jets, sell ballistic and nuclear missiles you have to get paid and its one big game of the winner takes it all.
I do not support the funding of the lavish lifestyles of the 1%that think they own us and rob us blind. I never agreed to slaving away, did you?
No one owns me. I have a voice and I am not afraid to use it!
I am a spiritual being in a physical body and we are here for a reason and it is to teach others, empower and motivate and not steal, abuse, or kill, we are supposed to be intelligent human beings, not animals.
We should be able to distinguish right from wrong and if the likes of P#tin who orders the mass killings then he is no better than something that has just crawled out of a sewer. These people are vermin.
In fact, any person in power that has done wrong should be punished the same way as a member of public and should also be kicked out of office, I refer to certain politicians, that got a slap on the wrist and fines, for their publicised antics.
There is a Scottish MP trending at the moment that allegedly had £25 Million in Funding For PPE that supposedly ended up being used due to it not being of high quality and was returned. This MP is now being investigated.
Just imagine if this was the average entrepreneur that had done this, they would be facing a custodial sentence for fraud, but I guess if you own 6 houses (one in Belgravia in London) you have enough money to pay for a jail-free card on the monopoly board.
I spoke about a previous post about why people do not care and the customer representative said that people do care and that she cared (no they don’t unless it directly affects them). She then asked could she help me with anything else and I said “help me bring in more clients”, the call then ended without any feedback on my remark…I rest my case!
Reference the money she expected me to agree to I said I will pay, but will not be able to eat and the CEO of British Gaswill certainly not have a problem bringing food to the table whilst I will and this is where she started to be sympathetic.
I got my frustration out, if nothing else, and told her she was professional and had a calming voice, I just did not mention the fact she made me feel bad at the beginning of the conversation as what would have been the point. I felt had I not mentioned I am self-employed the conversation would have been slightly different.
Do you think it is by chance this P#tin W#ar has broken out or is it something to do with the deficit spending and all the price rises? Have you forgotten about Brexit and how much money UK is in debt by and how much money they have to pay back, never mind the trade w#ar in China and the USA. Putting the jigsaw pieces together can you not see a picture emerging?
These blue-chip companies get a 6% commission for our sweat, labor, and hardship. Do you think that the dictator started the w#ar himself or was it pre-arranged at the round table, by a selected few?
People at the top of the food chain seem to think they own and control you and in a way they do.
An example of a battery in the matrix was Virgin Media which I have for months had an ongoing dispute again I have communicated by email and have told them not to phone me and what do they do? they only phone even though I specifically requested not to. What was interesting though my phone was on “do not disturb” but they managed to get through and the phone rang. I re-iterated how much emotional distress they put me through and I am still no closer to a resolution as the email I was promised I would have, never materialized.
So you can imagine the poor sod on the other end of the line receiving my wrath and me saying “if you read my email do you not understand English”, his reply was he was ordered by someone above him to phone me and my final reply was that he obviously did not have the balls to stand up to the person. Most people are afraid of speaking up in the workplace for the fear of being fired. People go to work like sheep to get their paychecks the majority do not go to work because they love the company that employs them they are solely there to do a job and get paid. They are human robots being told what to do. Their “VOICE” in the metaphorical sense of the word is taken away, they are slaves to the employer for the hours they work.
Anxiety& Panic Attack.
The day continued with my brother telling me that he is coming over to the UK at Christmas. Under normal circumstances, I should be ecstatic but I am having a panic attack simply thinking about it.
I have not left my home for three years due to social disconnection and OCD, actually, tell a lie I went out once to meet him last year for the day and I felt so ill after that but he was oblivious to my disability. He told me that I have to arrange my schedule and my work around him. He told me we will be talking this weekend coming.
Notice how my disability and my work are of no significance to him and I have to just get over myself.
The icing on the cake was the final straw that broke the camel’s back so to speak with my neighbor announcing she is moving within the month. she without a doubt had to be the nicest neighbor I have ever had, she was always kind, and caring and never did me wrong. I will miss her.
I do believe nothing standstills and when one door closes another one opens so although I felt very depressed yesterday with low self-esteem. That was yesterday though and your mood can change if you stay occupied and not dwell on what is bothering you. I am hopeful about tomorrow and about brighter things to come. I am fortunate I have an online journal to vent my anger which I can share with whoever wants to read my challenges. I did come across a website called (www.storiboard.co.uk) not mine may I add but a portal to share your stories.
Telling Your Story.
Anyone reading this who wants a platform to share their stories is more than welcome to subscribe here and I will make you a contributor or will manually upload your stories for you. It won’t cost you a penny only your time, it is completely free.
I have gone through a lot over the last two decades (I won’t go into it all here but I am a ‘survivor of domestic violence‘ and and this is what drives me to tell my story) I won’t say I am strong all the time. I have good days and bad days and yesterday was a bad day for me but I know I will get over it. I am still standing and I won’t let anyone break me, sure they can try but when they knock me down and I get back up again so help me God.
I will be writing my biography soon and I will be calling out all the people that have done me wrong. Don’t misunderstand me, I am not awkward or vengeful, I just think some people deserve their five minutes of fame.
No one on this planet is better than you, we all do the same things, we eat, sleep and go to the bathroom, and we all cannot survive without water or air. We all have red blood and if Adam and Eve were the first people, then their children would have been inbred so we are all brothers and sisters. The world is an evil place with evil people living in it trying to suck the last ounce of happiness out of you. They should be very worried about what happens to them after they die. Just because some use 24kt Gold WCs does not make them any better than you. We all have the right to live on this planet in harmony and without having to worry about where the next paycheck is going to come from and if we can put food on the table. No one should fear for their lives or be killed for some political agenda. No one should lose their life for the sake of debt ceilings and deficit spending.
“The Hidden Secrets of Money” By Mile Maloney.
I have an invisible disability and I expect to be acknowledged as a human being and not be judged, I expect people to give me the respect I deserve. I do not need anyone giving me advice, or being patronizing, after all when it comes to mental health I specialize in the subject hence why I built this site.
Never assume anything with me without asking me first.
I know if my finances improved so would my mental health. My cerebellum atrophy is incurable but with new drugs coming on the market anything is possible. I am staying positive and hopefully, someone reading this will invest in me.
One day soon you will learn what one particular “evil animal” did to me and how I am recovering.
I have audio recordings of all the death threats he made to me.
He is no longer residing in the UK, he left last December for Germany however within a month of him starting work he was fired due to an altercation with a woman at his place of work, why does that not surprise me.
Unfortunately, because he does not speak fluent English he was unable to set up an email address so I did it for him and forwarded all his emails to me for translation purposes with his consent, however, I have no access to his settings anymore, and cannot un-forward myself hence I get his emails and all the antics he is getting up to.
I use outlook and have blocked his email but people sending emails to him still come into my inbox. I have started marking them as spam as I have no other way of stopping any communication.
Remember not all that glitters is gold and that was my mistake and I have learned the hard way.
One day I will rise from the ashes and tell my full story.
Tomorrow is another dayand I aim for a brighter future!
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I tried downloading the NHS app the other day to make an appointment with a doctor. I did not want to phone my own surgery as they have the policy to phone 8 am on the dot to essentially jam the phone lines on a first-come-first-served basis.
I wrote to my GP in May 2021 and spoke with the practice manager in December and got nowhere.
The NHS app (not the Covid App) checked my postcode and said sorry but the app was not available in Wales and prompted me to the website NHS Wales website to phone 111.
So I let my failed attempt go on the back burner until today where I surprisingly get a call from my GP.
You can imagine I am excited at the prospect of speaking with my GP at long last and promptly answering the call. The person on the other did not introduce herself asked if they were speaking with me without actually saying who they were.
A thought crossed my mind perhaps they had read my previous posts and were going to demand I take them down, but no, it was over another matter altogether.
The woman proceeded to ask do I want to book an appointment for the flu jab. I replied “no thank you” and the woman grunted something inaudible. I continued to ask “are you a Doctor” and she said “no”, that she was a practice nurse.
So they can phone you at random times when they feel like it, but cannot reply to a letter?
I continued to say I wrote a letter in May 2021 and also spoke with the practice manager and the response from the practice nurse was “yes I know”. I said “WOW, so I am a topic of conversation” and she said that she was reading off my notes. If you believe that you believe anything. She said if I want to book a consultation with the doctor, I should phone at 8 am.
I replied but I have 5 things that need addressing and she said they can only discuss one thing because of their time.
I have written previous articles about my experiences and also doctor-patient confidentiality and anxiety phoning GP’s.
I have given plenty of opportunities for the GP to address the issues in the letter and have spoken five times over this letter and still, the GP will not respond.
Even today the practice manager said the GP is too busy to respond to letters.
Imagine if in the letter it said I was feeling suicidal, I’m not, but just imagine if I was and the letter was ignored?
I am trying to make a point that my letter was read by multiple people and they admitted to it and I suspect I am the highlight of their tea/coffee breaks and jolly good banter.
My Mental Health Today.
MY MENTAL HEALTH.
I won’t say that I feel ok today because I am not.
My mental health is being tested and I am doing everything I can not blow a gasket.
My birthday is in two days’ time, it’s another day for me and nothing to celebrate.
If I had my parents and brother around then that would be a different story. My other brother lives in the USA, so what have I got to celebrate?
SAVING THE PLANET.
I do not mean to sound ungrateful but Birthday cards sent in the post cause carbon emissions transporting from A-B never mind chopping down trees to make the cards and paper envelopes and is absolute sacrilege to the environment… I would much rather have had a Facebook like to my Business page and share, which I have hinted on multiple occasions and tested social experiments to see if my close network would support me and they don’t, yet they send me birthday cards which I find very strange.
Am I supposed to get excited over a piece of card and half-hearted thought? it is going to go in the bin anyway, yet you want to save the planet save the rainforests, but you are happy to buy a card and send it in the post causing more pollution. I would much rather prefer an e-book. In fact, some e-books are free, so I am saving you money.
It has also been brought to my attention that a meetup is being planned for springtime. Good luck with that…
I have multiple businesses to take care of and am not taking a day off to chit-chat at a restaurant somewhere and most certainly do not want people visiting me.
In fact, some countries are banning unvaccinated people from all eating establishments. No skin off my nose I am happy being a recluse until what I desire manifests into my life.
I have issues intermingling with physical beings. I have no problem online but do not wish to interact physically. This is my choice and people should not take it personally.
Just because I do not want to see someone face to face, that is my own personal preference, obviously, I have to let workmen in and engineers but I stay well away from them, do not socialize and if I could I would make sure they showed a lateral flow test before coming in but that would not go down well with some people and I do not want to be seen as making waves.
Why do people not respect my wishes?
If they wish to support me give me, like to my business page and share my business with their connections. Helping my business prosper will be something I would be very grateful for, not a card that will get binned.
You can read all the articles I write from a personal perspective here:
As well as waiting for the gas engineer which was a no-show.
I find it very disrespectful if a person or company says they will turn up on a certain day and do not update you or apologize for not turning up.
I do not believe that everyone I know, knows about my websites or my illnesses, hence may be oblivious of what I do. Who’s to say I never took time off work to meet and greet these engineers which did not have the audacity to even phone or text me or who is to say I never re-arranged my scheduled meetings online to align with the appointment.
I think this is very disrespectful. I am not going to chase them, seeing as I am not paying for their callout. Had they bothered to check the pressure gauge last time they visited they would have seen the pressure was low and should have adjusted it but didn’t. They are the same engineers that did not know what a hotspot in the kitchen was until I sent them a link,and people wonder why my mental health is not good?
It is nearly this time of year again that I dread. I miss the hustle and bustle of my parents preparing a Christmas Eve dinner where all the family congregated to celebrate Christmas. I miss my parents and my brother.I miss the house we once lived in and I miss the atmosphere and preparations leading up to Christmas and buying presents, wrapping them, and feasting around a twelve-course dinner a Polish Tradition of twelve courses representing the twelve disciples.
Now I am left with just my daughter who has a boyfriend that is not my biggest fan, doing everything he can to avoid talking to me let alone being in the same room as me.
My only surviving close relative is my brother that lives in the USA with his wife and children.
My niece and nephew who are grown-up will fly home to visit their biological mother, but because of my social disconnection disorder, I am finding it hard to leave my house never mind travel to visit them.
Furthermore, Wales is going into lockdown just after Christmas, and no way I am going to go out with sickly people around.
I was once told I was selfish for not having the vaccine, yet what I failed to mention was I have a peg allergy and was advised by the hospital not to have one and have been removed from their list. Sometimes not saying anything is much easier than having to explain yourself.
If there is an ‘Omicron Pandemic’ then all the people that go around spreading germs should be called selfish not me.
No way am I going out until herd immunity has kicked in. This is my choice to work from home and not meet people and am happy just doing Zoom and Skype calls.
Certain people in my network have also asked me what about exercise? advising me to get up early to walk around the lake and back again.
I cannot walk very far because of my bad knee because of the consequences of one person’s actions, a person that kicked my knee 7 times to cause it to dislocate on purpose. Even if I had a good knee I do not have the time to take off (please view an example of my Critical Time Path below).
I have since that unfortunate day had problems walking and am in excruciating pain if I walk or try to bend. Just in case no one has noticed my bad knee it is because I do not whinge or cry like a baby when I am in pain.
My Distant Relatives.
My family in Poland might as well be dead to me as I have no respect for them after a massive family disagreement that involved my abusive ex-partner. I tried being the bigger person and offered an olive branch and not one of them has bothered to reach out to me, which is really sad. This is another story that I will write in my autobiography someday.
I do have family in Mexico but because I am not vaccinated it is going to be virtually impossible for me to visit them (I have a Peg Allergy and Social Disconnection Disorder).
I did try speaking with my GP a few weeks ago but was met by the rottweiler of a practice manager that tried to intimidate me and refused to pass my message on that I needed to speak with the head GP over a complaint where I had written a letter in May 2021 as it had not been answered. She told me GP’s are too busy to correspond, I wrote about GP Negligence in the article here.
So the naysayers will say so why do I not find another GP, well that would mean me going out of my comfort zone and being among sickly people. OCD and GP waiting rooms do not work well.
Don’t get me wrong I am ok, I do find Christmas rather depressing but how I see it, it is just another day with no meaning anymore.
I try to avoid talking to people on a social scale because why should I pretend to be happy this time of year when I am not. Nobody can possibly understand how I feel if they have not walked in my shoes.
No one has a right to judge me or give their advice if they are not professionals or experts in the field of psychology.
I have tried getting more help perhaps upping my medication but my GP surgery is as helpful as a chocolate fireguard. My email snippet can be viewed below, which was ignored:
Will I sue them for the negligence, of course, I will but first I have to get Christmas out of the way.
I won’t say I hate my life, it could be better with my mental health and I believe it will be with my self-help therapy no thanks to the NHS may I add.
I have found a purpose in life and am on my way to getting everything I desire. Once I achieve all my goals God help anyone that tried to stand in my way.
I find writing my thoughts down is therapeutic as well as scripting positive thoughts.
If anything I will treat myself to a fancy Christmas Dinner delivered by “Deliveroo” and maybe watch a film or two, no point cooking for one.
I stay away from alcohol as it got me into a lot of trouble no end of times when I got drunk in the past and now I want to preserve my precious brain cells rather than suffer from a thumping headache the day after. I do not see the sense of drinking and getting drunk and wasting money on something my body will dispense down the toilet.
Currently, I am feeling a little low, I have my worries and anxieties, just like most people this time of year, and am trying to work through them.
I also have a demonic cat that does nothing for my mental health and keeps me up all night long. He does not belong to me and is my daughters’. I am extremely tired because he constantly meows or tries to break the door down if I lock him in a room. God Only Knows what the neighbors must think?
I am doing my best to not give in or give up, although I have been very close to hanging up my apron strings on more than one occasion in the past, I know if I persevere I will get to where I am going.
At the moment I am like a modern-day Howard Huges(I may not be as bad as him, I certainly do not sit naked in front of my computer 🤣😂 but I do have a problem with germs, may I add OCD is not a laughing matter) it does not stop me fromworking, and following my dreams but on my own terms.
I will just like last year have my chat open throughout the Christmas period just in case anyone is feeling low and wants someone to talk to. I will also announce it on my front and on all my social media networks.
Yes, life can be a shit show but if you find something positive to do and can focus on, you can start to create a better life for yourself. There are plenty of opportunities if you know where to look.
Everyone has a story to tell, and am eager to hear yours…
Drop Me A Message Using the Form Below or Start A Chat.
I will have Chat Open Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, Boxing Day, New Year’s Eve, and News Day, just in case someone is feeling low.
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