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Category: Renata’s Online Journal (Page 1 of 8)

Renata’s online journal of a disabled entrepreneur, is a daily diary of my health conditions, my mental health, my business, my highs, and my lows. My news and reviews and my recommendations. My goals and my achievements. My celebrations as well as my disappointments. My struggles and my accomplishments.

PTSD – Post Traumatic Stress Disorder – Personal Story.

Image Credit www.pexels.com

PTSD – Post Traumatic Stress Disorder – Personal Story.

Over the years I have endured many traumatic events, including domestic violence, the death of close family members, a car accident, and other life-changing incidents.

I have written articles about grief and how I have coped over the years plus I have cited source information on proven ways to help with, depression, anxiety, and stress disorders.

I have moments that trigger memories of past events like the time a criminal investigation officer (CID in 2011) walked into my property with another officer without knocking, being threatening, and taking my 10 yr old daughter into the kitchen, by himself to get her version of events, whilst I had the other officer talking to me in the living room because I would not press charges against the person that assaulted me. I ended up reporting him to the Police Ombudsman and he was demoted as a consequence.

So for anyone that comes into my property unannounced I start to get panic attacks and feel nauseous (28/11/22).

People who do not know my history and have not walked in my shoes have not got a clue what I have gone through, hence I plan to write my autobiography in order for the world to know so that people stop judging me.

Yes, I get judged because of my disabilities but it is because of the trauma that I have endured is why I have the disabilities.

I suffer from cerebellar atrophy, (head trauma). I also suffer from anxiety, panic attacks, and intrusive thoughts. I have a bad knee from it being kicked seven times until it dislocated.

My therapy is to motivate and empower myself and learn about the mind. I am studying for a diploma in neuroplasticity and psychotherapy. I do not plan to change my career path, I just want to understand more about how the brain works and how I can re-wire my mind. This is just a personal goal.

I must admit I was shaken up today when I saw someone on the stairs but have got gradually over it by keeping myself busy as the day has progressed.

I tend to do a lot of research and writing so what happened a few hours ago is now in the past, although it was an unpleasant experience, which triggered my past memories, thus prompting me to write this article.

In hindsight, I should lock my flat door when I am inside but there is an outer door that a visitor must come through before opening my door. I am curious what would have happened if I was not home because obviously this entity must have had keys to get in or the flat below me let them in. However, if I was not home they would have needed keys to enter my flat.

There should be a law that no one should enter the property without the tenant being present because what is to say that a contractor does not help themselves to valuables? You would have no proof they stole anything unless you had CCTV installed”. Yes, I may be accused of being distrusting, but over my lifetime I have been very trusting and people have abused my trust.

Overview – Post-traumatic stress disorder

Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) is an anxiety disorder caused by very stressful, frightening, or distressing past events.

Symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)

Someone with PTSD often relives the traumatic event through nightmares and flashbacks and may experience feelings of isolation, social disconnection, irritability, anger, and guilt. People often have trouble sleeping, such as insomnia, and find concentrating difficult. These symptoms are often severe and persistent enough to have a significant impact on the person’s day-to-day life.

Changes in Physical and Emotional Reactions

Patients are characterized by having:

  • Anger issues, short tempers, jumpiness, and irritability
  • Zero tolerance
  • Short attention span, with no patience
  • Paranoia
  • Panic attacks
  • High blood pressure or hyperventilation
  • Difficulty sleeping
  • Muscle tension
  • Nausea or diarrhea

Cognitive and mood symptoms

  • The negative outlook on life, yourself, and others
  • Loss of hope for the future
  • Lapses in memory about the traumatic experience
  • Self-blame and guilt
  • Losing interest in previously enjoyable activities
  • Detachment from family members

For a PTSD diagnosis, a person must experience one or more re-experiencing symptoms and one or more avoidance symptoms. Also, they will need to display two or more changes in physical and emotional reactions and two or more cognitive and mood symptoms.

Risk and Resilience Factors

According to the National Institute of Mental Health, mental health disorders such as depression, anxiety, stress, and substance abuse often accompany post-traumatic stress disorder. Additionally, there are risk factors that can increase the likelihood of experiencing symptoms of PTSD, such as:

  • Genetics
  • Childhood trauma
  • A history of alcohol and drug abuse
  • No support system or social interaction following traumatic events
  • Experiencing prolonged trauma
  • High levels of stress in everyday life
  • Mental illness in oneself or relatives
  • Careers that have a high risk of exposure to a traumatic event, for example, military servicemembers or first responders
  • Gender: women are more likely to experience certain symptoms of PTSD
  • A domino effect of consequences, such as grief from separation from a partner, not having anyone to turn to, and losing a job, following a traumatic experience

Resilience factors that reduce the risk of having PTSD following traumatic events include:

  • Having a support group
  • Seeking out therapy
  • Keeping busy
  • Having healthy personal relationships
  • Being able to control reactions related to fear and anger
  • Early intervention and PTS treatment, before it develops into a disorder
  • Having social and emotional support from an early age
  • Having positive coping mechanisms

Causes of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)

Any situation that a person finds traumatic can cause PTSD.

These can include:

  • the sudden death of a loved one
  • a breakup with a partner
  • serious road accidents
  • domestic violence, such as sexual assault, rape, mugging or robbery
  • serious health problems
  • childbirth experiences, miscarriages

PTSD can develop immediately after someone experiences a disturbing event. Sufferers of trauma may have symptoms of PTSD for many months or years.

PTSD is estimated to affect about 1 in every 3 people who have a traumatic experience, but it’s not clear exactly why some people develop the condition and others do not.

Complex post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)

People who experience multiple traumatic events in the course of their lifetime from situations such as severe neglect, abuse, or violence, may be diagnosed with complex PTSD. Complex PTSD can cause similar symptoms to PTSD and may not develop until years after the event. It’s often more severe if the trauma was experienced early in life, as this can affect a child’s development.

When to get medical advice

After you have experienced trauma you may feel life unbearable and very overwhelmed with the feeling the whole world is crashing down around you. You must seek professional help as quickly as possible to try and get your mental health under control. It’s normal to be very upset and confused.

The best thing you can do other than to see your doctor is to distract yourself and make yourself busy. Distractions could include, art therapy, going for a walk, meeting people, reading, and learning a new skill. Join support groups online if you feel you cannot interact physically.

You should speak with your GP first who can refer you to mental health specialists and advice you on all your different options for getting therapy.

I have in my time gone to psychiatrists and have also done CBT therapy but for me personally learning how to block out intrusive thoughts through accredited courses helps me to become an expert on how my mind works and what I can do to get better.

Learning is not for everyone, but as long as you write your thoughts down and release them to the universe you are one step closer to recovery.

How post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) is treated

PTSD in many cases can be treated, even when it develops many years after a traumatic event.

A person suffering from anxiety and depression has to want to recover. It cannot be forced. It is a gradual process and it takes time. A person needs to take small steps, a day at a time.

Food for thought -This is more so for people who have done your wrong, abused, and hurt you. If you are a believer in God you may want to get the quote from Mathew 6 in the Bible that is to forgive the person that has done you wrong, thus God will forgive your sins and will take care of the rest. Who is more powerful than you to take revenge on the person that has hurt you, God of course…

Any of the following treatment options may be recommended:

  • watchful waiting – monitoring your symptoms to see whether they improve or get worse without treatment
  • antidepressants – such as paroxetine or sertraline
  • psychological therapies – such as trauma-focused cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) or eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR)

Final Thoughts From The Editor

Do check out our useful links page and if you are suffering from depression please visit: 24/7 Depression Hotline | NationalDepressionHotline.org

#intrusivethoughts #PTSD #anxiety #depression #isolation #grief #trauma #therapy #psychotherapy #cbt

Thoughtlessness, inconsideration, and narcissism.

Earnestness is the path of immortality (Nirvana), and thoughtlessness is the path of death. Those who are in earnest do not die, those who are thoughtless are as if dead already. Gautam, The Buddha.

Thoughtlessness, inconsideration, and narcissism.

I start today with an example of a person (my neighbor) that showed narcissistic traits, not to me may I add but to a ‘Tesco Delivery Driver’ that came to deliver my shopping.

I was in the middle of a business call when my delivery arrived and my daughter came to meet and greet the female driver. The driver was very young (18 to be exact) and happened to say her age and brief bio to my daughter after the incident.

There is a reason for me to point out the gender, bear with me…

My argument would have been would my neighbor have had the balls to come out and rant to a man if they were older than this girl? This was a show of intimidation and disrespect. This was to show that he seems to think he has some authority and looks down at people whilst in the next breath is two-faced and nice to you when it suits him. Ironically he has two daughters both in their twenties and early thirties and this girl is someone’s daughter.

Basically, what had happened the driver pulled up close to my neighbor’s car, (not a supercar but an old saloon banger) and he came out of his house ranting that the van was too close to his car. The van would have been offloading no more than 10 minutes if that but he was having none of it, the van was too close for his comfort. Anyway, he then called the driver a “Stupid B#tch”. The young girl after he had gone burst into tears and said under normal circumstances she may have dismissed the rudeness but the fact she heard that her Grandmother had died as she started her shift her emotions got the better of her.

“You do not know what is going on in a person’s life, so be careful what you say”!

Bearing in mind that this very neighbor was an employee of Tescos and so was his daughter, makes me wonder how he got the job when he speaks to people in this way. It’s a pity that I was not there to see and hear what went on as I would have put in my ten penneth.

My daughter immediately relayed what had happened.

Being a self-centered narcissist will eventually catch up with you.

Forgiveness!

As I keep telling everyone and anyone that listens if you find it in your heart to forgive God or a high Power (The Universe) will forgive you and will punish the person that has done you wrong.

Name-Calling!

I am going to change my name to Morticia Addams – The Addams Family!

Name-calling is my neighbor’s speciality, I can totally believe what has happened, as it is not the first time I have heard this same person name-calling and stating that the house I reside in looks like the Addams Family home. I rent one of the apartments and it is not my responsibility to take care of the exterior. Although he could be referring to us on a more personal note. 🤣😂

Name-calling, being spiteful, and being unkind is wrong on so many levels. You do not know what someone is going through when you open your mouth. It can actually affect someone’s mental health if you do not put your brain in gear before putting your mouth in motion. I am trusting God or the Universe to punish him seeing as I have let it go and have forgiven him.

Wouldn’t it be cool if I could buy the property I live in and see their mortified faces that I am here to stay? They would no longer be able to report me to my landlord, and not being picked on would be one for the books. Imagine parking my brand spanking new 4×4 Porsche Carerra or my GMC Hummer SUV and then telling him that he has parked too close. 🤣😂.

If you have positive thoughts, you can manifest anything, as it says in the bible “Matthew 13:12 Whoever has will be given more, and he will have an abundance. Whoever does not have, even what he has will be taken away from him.”. Meaning if you think negatively only negative things will continuously come into your life, but if you think positively and imagine you already have what you want it will one day manifest itself but you have to believe.

Why People Do Not Care.

People only care if they are directly affected by something or someone. They only care about themselves and their close network of friends and family. Yes you see activists rebelling for the sake of the world, yet you have world leaders b#mbing and k#lling innocent people. You have poverty, famine, homelessness (not every homeless person is a crackhead), and third-world countries. People do not care.

In fact whilst I was in an abusive relationship instead of this neighbor calling the Police, where I could have been saved from a beating when he heard a commotion, reported me to the landlord. This just shows that people simply do not care other than about themselves and their family and friends, but that is it.

My neighbor will one day realize without me mentioning his name that he has done wrong when I publish my book.

My neighbor is the type of person that will chat 💩 about you to my landlord and the community and people would believe it. So I hear you say if I am so unhappy where I live, why don’t I move, well the answer is simple I will when the time is right, or I could just stay put and buy the house as an investment and rattle my neighbors even more.

Social Disconnection.

It really rattles me when people are not kind and considerate and put some thought into what they say before opening their mouths. No wonder I have social disconnection issues.

#mentalhealth #emotions #thoughlessness #narcissism #narcisistic #bullying #empathy #lackofempathy #caring #nastyneighbours

My OCD, My Story!

My OCD the Story of Renata Entrepreneur

My OCD is germ contamination that started 38 years ago but was diagnosed in1992.

This surgery has moved and DR Dolben has retired. My medical records including this letter would be on the system. My medical records are now held at Meddygfa Albany Surgery 219-221 City Road Roath Cardiff CF24 3JD and the head Doctor is Dr. Capatana.

Symptoms

In the beginning, I started to adopt unusual habits I did not understand what it was or why I was doing it other than I had to release the impulsive urge otherwise it would torment me. There was no internet back then so could not google it.

Looking back now my mother had similar traits but not as bad as me and some were a little different.

When I tried telling my mother in her later years she was in complete denial. My father was not happy because he did not know what OCD was and did not like me whipping out Dettol Surface Spray every five minutes and simply thought I had a screw loose.

What is OCD

OCD is a common debilitating condition affecting individuals from childhood through adult life. There is good evidence of genetic contribution to its etiology, but environmental risk factors also are likely to be involved. The condition probably has a complex pattern of inheritance. Molecular studies have identified several potentially relevant genes, but much additional research is needed to establish definitive causes of the condition. Genetics of OCD – PMC (nih.gov)

Hereditary OCD.

My mother had OCD, for example, when we came home from school my mother would make us stand in a small area in the kitchen to take our shoes off, we would then have to go upstairs immediately and stand on a newspaper to take our uniform off and get changed.

My mother had a habit of checking the soles of our shoes or even guest shoes as no one could come into the house without taking them off in the corridor. I reckon if anyone caught her doing what she did they would be mortified.

All grocery shopping would have to be washed with detergent before it could go in the cupboards. Obviously, some foods such as bakeries would have the outer packaging wiped with a dishcloth.

My mother had problems with newspapers and mail (just like me), she was careful how she opened them, everything had to be in a certain place and could not be touched unless it was in a certain area of the house and we would have to discard the outer envelopes and wash our hands.

My father’s jacket would always be inspected for dirt, especially on the hem and sleeves after he hung it up. I think her OCD put a strain on their marriage, although I think they had problems way before she developed the disorder which I believe was a direct consequence of how my father treated her.

Ongoing studies point to a genetic defect in the way the front area of the brain communicates with deeper areas. These deeper structures use serotonin, a chemical messenger. Images of the brain in some people with OCD show that these defective communication circuits work more normally with serotonin-based medications or cognitive behavior therapy. OCD Causes: Is OCD Genetic, Hereditary? | HealthyPlace

The start of my OCD symptoms.

I was 21 when I started to develop OCD traits, it was whilst I was in a relationship with someone who took advantage of his position in a Bank he worked in, and any attractive-looking female customers he would look for their names, addresses, and phone numbers up and phone them to ask them out for dates (obviously this would never be allowed to happen now because of GDPR but as I got more suspicious that he was playing away I phoned the numbers that he would leave lying around and the women would confirm that they went out with him. It is amazing no one reported him because he is now a regional bank manager thanks to me finding the job in a job center and applying on his behalf somewhat 38 years ago.

The straw that broke the camel’s back.

I think the straw that broke the camel’s back was when out of the blue with no notice at all he said it was over between us. To be honest I was madly in love with him (he looked like a young version of Tom Cruise a spitting image of Top Gun Movie 1 and now looks more like David Cameron MP (Yes I have looked him up and blocked him). I would have taken a bullet for him (my ex not the MP), regardless of what he did.

In my heart, I forgave him as long as we would stay together, but pressure from his parents especially his mother did not approve of me as the daughter of a working-class immigrant who wanted her precious son to have a more upper-class suitor. His sister was also never a fan because it was her boyfriend that arranged a blind date that got us together and at the last minute bailed only to ask her brother to take his place. I was not aware of how much grief this would cause, and I would have been pissed if the roles were reversed and it happened to me, so did not blame her for being angry. She ended up breaking up with her boyfriend after that.

I knew at heart of hearts there was something very seriously wrong in our relationship (with my ex) and that he was a player. I started to wash my hands and body in ‘Dettol Antiseptic Disinfectant’ liquid, which either would be undiluted on my hands or mixed in my shower gels and shampoos because I believed I wanted to wash the other women’s scent off me when he was intimate with me.

To this day I will only use Dettol Brand, I use it when I bathe and also when I wash my clothes. It cannot be any other brand other than Dettol.

I think what escalated my OCD was when I found out he was visiting brothels and he caught an STD, by that time we were not having sex but the thought of him having crabs grossed me out. It’s a long story about how I found out and it will be in my autobiography when I publish it.

I then started to be very vigilant about my surroundings, I started to have the shower curtain outside the bath, which would cause the floor to get wet and also get him angry, which in turn caused arguments. I could not stand the shower curtain clinging to me as I was showering and to this day I have not changed this habit. I now have a glass folding door fitted in my own bathroom.

After we broke up I think I must have had a nervous breakdown. I thought my life was over and I so desperately wanted him back, I realized why he no longer wanted to be with me because he met someone that worked at the bank (I believe everything happens for a reason, had I not found him that job, things would have maybe turned out differently) but looking at it now he did me a favor. I then decided to move away so that I would never bump into him again. I have since blocked him on all social media so if he was ever to look me up he would never have a hope in hell of ever speaking to me.

Coping with OCD over the years.

Over the years and depending on what was going on in my life I have good days and bad days but I learned to cope and adapt.

I did keep my OCD hidden for many years as I was very embarrassed to admit there was something wrong with me.

It was when people in public places bumped into me (busy towns) I started to have an issue with social connection. When using public transport I hated people sitting next to me. It got to the stage I would avoid buses altogether and it really rattled me when someone would push past me or if they bumped into me (say sorry) my argument would be if I was a car and there was a collision they would be doing more than apologizing.

I would find it hard to go to restaurants and cafes and have my own set of cutlery. I became vigilant about how the server served the drinks and how close to the rim of the glass their fingers would be. I ended up drinking from straws. I have been known to clean the seat before sitting down, this would get people to give me funny looks. Imagine sitting on a seat where the previous person has sat who may have tram lines in his or her undergarments.

My OCD is germ contamination. My impulse is not to touch unsanitized objects and my compulsion is to clean and disinfect whatever I am in contact with.

I have now opted out of socializing, it’s embarrassing to wear latex gloves in public. There is a stigma attached to people that behave differently from the rest of the batteries in the matrix. The chances of being judged or ridiculed are too much for me to bear.

I prefer to live behind a computer screen than interact with the outside world.

Don’t get me wrong I would venture out if I had to, but try to avoid it as much as possible. I would take extra precautionary measures and try to overcome my anxiety.

I have all my groceries, prescriptions and shopping delivered. There is nothing I cannot do but it all has to be done online. All statements and invoices are online.

I also have a problem with flies (fruit flies in particular) but flies in general that sits on dog poo and then sit on your surfaces really turn my stomach. In the summer months, I am armed with fly spray by the dozen.

My Compulsions

My compulsions, I do try and fight as much as I can, say, for instance, if I have touched something by accident, I will go and change my clothes. However, there have been instances where I have not been able to sanitize expensive things and have had to through them away. I remember when my daughter was little and she stepped in dog poo, I ended up throwing out her shoes.

I cannot share my bath with anyone else other than my daughter. I cannot let anyone touch anything that belongs to me such as a laptop, books, or that kind of thing.

I cannot have someone sit next to me or touch me. Even my daughter’s cat knows not to jump on my seating area, although if he has brushed himself by accident against me I immediately have to take my leggings off to be washed.

I go through about 1000 pairs of gloves per month and use two bottles of 750 ml antiseptic disinfectant a week. I spent about £800 on this alone last year (I know this from doing my tax return).

The more stressed I am the worse my OCD gets. If people put pressure on me and cause me stress and anxiety the more it flares up.

My Triggers

  • Stress
  • Anxiety
  • Reminders of the trauma and grief I endured
  • Intrusive Thoughts
  • My Personal Belonging Being Touched
  • Germ Contamination
  • Being Touched (Hugs)
  • Flies (Insects)
  • Dog Poo (cat poo or bird poo is not so bad, it is dog poo that is a trigger for me)
  • Animal Hair (especially dog hair)
  • Shaking Hands (how many people actually wash their hands when they go to the toilet)
  • Kissing
  • Sharing Plates of Food
  • Public Places that are not sanitized
  • Half-finished projects or errors that need correcting (I cannot leave an error for another day I have to correct it there and then)

Different Kinds Of OCD

As the internet evolved I started learning more and more about the different kinds of OCD. https://disabledentrepreneur.uk/different-types-of-ocd/

I was also surprised by how many famous people have OCD (alive and dead)

https://disabledentrepreneur.uk/category/famous-people-with-ocd/

MPs Charles Walker and Kevan Jones tell of mental health issues – BBC News

Social Disconnection

It is not that unusual for entrepreneurs to socially disconnect: https://disabledentrepreneur.uk/social-disconnection-entrepreneurs/

Keeping grief hidden can be a survival strategy after suffering a bereavement. New research shows that the social disconnection caused by concealing feelings of loss can increase psychological distress.

Social Disconnection is not always about OCD it could relate to other psychological distress disorders.

Every person on this planet will endure grief at some point in their lives. It will depend on how they cope which will determine the final outcome.

My Therapy.

I find that scripting in a journal helps (I do it online but you can do it in a book, it’s down to personal preference at the end of the day) to get whatever off my chest. I have also tried meditation and hypnosis and you need to stick to it and do it religiously for it to work.

I have tried psychotherapy and CBT therapy and it only works in the short term. Speaking to shrink every week having to talk about the things you would rather forget is counterproductive. As for CBT, it is a therapy to change your thought process and resist the urge of the compulsion, the only way this kind of therapy works is under hypnosis which the NHS does not provide, and if you try and do it yourself you have to religiously work at it (miracles do not happen overnight).

I have self-hypnotized myself successfully although it is short-lived because I have to do it every day or a few times a week, in which I do not have the time for, considering I am working all day I am too tired and just want to go to sleep.

I also take prescribed medication, not that it helps my OCD in fact all it does is help me fall asleep. I would not mind doing clinical trials of magic mushrooms (Psilocybin) which I have heard can help sufferers with OCD. It is illegal to harvest or use them, without medical supervision. They are considered Class A drugs.

Magic-mushroom drug can treat severe depression, trial suggests – BBC News

How Magic Mushrooms Can Resolve OCD – Happy Herb Company

The campaign to use magic mushrooms in OCD treatment | Psychonaut Care

How Psilocybin Mushrooms Can Treat Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) (sagebrains.com)

Magic mushroom compound performs as well as antidepressant in small study | Imperial News | Imperial College London

I keep myself busy and I am constantly learning about my disease so that I can not only help myself but help others like me.

I try to resist my urges as much as I can.

Germ Contamination

I am very vigilant about germ awareness and cross-contamination.

Motivating & Empowering & Advocate of OCD

I am an advocate for people with OCD. This is one of the reasons why I built this site to help people not only with mental but physical disabilities.

My daughter has Multiple Sclerosis and there are certain things she finds difficult to do so I arrange her appointments and respond to her every whim at least five hours a day. I am her personal assistant and care for her needs. I support her not only as her mother but also as her carer. Just because I have OCD does not stop me from doing things inside my home, with PPE. I can help her with getting in and out of the bath, just like any nurse wearing PPE clothing, such as disposable gloves and disposable hygiene coats. I can also cook and clean for her and help with anything she needs. Because of her immunosuppression, it is an added bonus that I keep our home sanitized and germ-free.

She is the assistant editor of this site. She suffers from excruciating pain which is one of the symptoms of (MS). and she is on the highest dosage of medication possible to be prescribed on a monthly basis.

In fact, altered functional connectivity between the cerebellum and cerebral networks involved in cognitive-affective processing in patients with OCD provides further evidence for the involvement of the cerebellum in the pathophysiology of OCD & MS and is consistent with impairment in executive control and emotion.

Stress & Cognitive Function. | DISABLED ENTREPRENEUR – DISABILITY UK

My daughter has a problem with symmetry and even numbers.

Just because you have a disability you still can strive to follow your dream even though you may have limitations there is usually a solution to every problem and you can overcome obstacles. There is nothing you cannot do if you put your mind to it.

Final Thoughts

Many neurodevelopmental conditions can often co-exist together, although can be treated in different ways.  

https://www.lanc.org.uk/related-conditions/obsessive-compulsive-disorder/

OCD rears its ugly head when you find it difficult to cope with life, OCD can be the onset of trauma and grief.

Stress, Anxiety, and everyday struggles can cause your OCD to get worse especially when people try to undermine, humiliate, and judge you. Try to not let anything get to you and if you want your own space to write your own personal story, just drop me a line below and I will create a landing page, free of charge. Whatever your disability may be mental or physical you can write to your heart’s content about yourself and your daily struggles. People love reading stories they can relate to.

Since coming out as an OCD sufferer I have been made to feel as if I am bonkers by Personal Independence Payments (PIP). They have made me feel like I have no authority to speak on disabilities even though I am the Editor of this website and have a Diploma in OCD hypnotherapy. I do not practice hypnotherapy and only took the course to help me. As I mentioned previously for hypnotherapy to work it is a process that has to be done religiously on a regular basis. You cannot just hypnotize yourself in one session and expect miracles.

Whilst practicing hypnosis I have got myself into a very relaxed state.

It has helped me to a certain degree to resist my compulsions but has not eradicated my germ contamination obsession problem.

Furthermore, another day comes with more added stress and anxiety and I feel all my hard work has been a waste of time whereby I have just gone back to square one. I really should practice hypnotherapy every day for it to make some difference, yet never seem to find the time. My business comes first, as that is what pays the bills and brings food to the table.

I am not going to let PIP get to me, as a lot of the assessors have fewer qualifications than ‘Greta Thunberg’ who also happens to suffer from OCD. Discussion of Greta Thunberg, OCD, & Polarization | Dave Armstrong (patheos.com)

Renata Hypnotherapy Diploma

Use the contact form below to drop me a line:

#obsessivecompulsivedisorder #ocd #mentalhealth #intrusivethoughts #germawareness #germcontamination #ocdcymru

PIP Review Digital Form

Disclaimer – Although I phoned PIP last week I have since written other articles which would have pushed this article to the bottom of the pile so I have changed the publishing date to today for easy access even though the article was originally published last week.

PIP Review Digital Form.

It is my turn to have a review for my personal independence payment and they do not make it easy to renew. The system is designed for you to not have the energy to argue. But arguing is what I am good at among my other many talents.

I can honestly say my OCD and stress levels have got so bad all because of the emotional distress PIP has caused.

I have phoned three times and had one call back.

Today (14/11/22) I tried to do the review over the phone and the person who said he would phone me put me through to someone who was not helping. I ended up not confirming the callback, so I guess no one will phone me unless I phone back again and wait another 30 mins to get through.

This PIP review process has caused my OCD to flare up more because they cannot access my website, or so it seems (so they are not human) to read my article even though I repeated my domain name umpteen times.

I was told I would have to have an assessment, I turned around and said I would want to know the qualifications of the person before assessing me, although I would not have any proof. Anyone can say they have a Ph.D. over the phone.

This website and my medical records should be sufficient evidence in order to be able to access my information. I am not going to jump through hoops to prove I am disabled.

What are Personal Independence Payments For?

Personal Independence Payment (PIP) can help with extra living costs if you have both:

  • a long-term physical or mental health condition or disability
  • difficulty doing certain everyday tasks or getting around because of your condition

You can get PIP even if you’re working, have savings, or are getting most other benefits.

Personal Independence Payment (PIP): What PIP is for – GOV.UK (www.gov.uk)

“I AM IN EMOTIONAL DISTRESS AS A DIRECT CONSEQUENCE OF PIP”

I cannot handle stress, hence hate making phone calls or talking to people who cause me stress”.

I phoned last week 10th & 11th of November 2022 and today 14th of November 2022 and explained I needed a digital form to send to them and their response was sorry we currently do not have the form”.

Why make it difficult? all documents are on a database and all are stored on servers somewhere.

I explained I do not have a social worker (I felt this comment degrading, I am not that mentally disabled that I would need a social worker), and I stated I have many sensitive documents to send (which I cannot send in the post) which not only would cost me a fortune in printing and postal fees but could also jeopardize my privacy.

I am anxious about the humiliation I will have to endure with the assessment like my medical records are not enough evidence.

In fact, I found a letter that was archived confirming my article and health condition.

This surgery has moved and DR Dolben has retired. My medical records including this letter would be on the system. My medical records are now held at Meddygfa Albany Surgery 219-221 City Road Roath Cardiff CF24 3JD and the head Doctor is Dr. Capatana.

My Background

  • I am the Editor of Disability UK – Disabled Entrepreneur Online Journal which I own, I am also the Editor of other online publications, which are all under the www.ukwebsitedesigners.co.uk umbrella.
  • I am a web developer.
  • Internet Marketer.
  • Content Writer.

Famous people with OCD:

https://disabledentrepreneur.uk/category/famous-people-with-ocd/

MPs Charles Walker and Kevan Jones tell of mental health issues – BBC News

There is nothing wrong with my intellectual brain (Nikola Tesla had OCD). I am an abled-bodied person although I have physical and mental problems as referenced in my letters sent to my GP, which can be confirmed on my medical records. I just have issues dealing with people who stress me out, I cannot cope very well with stress and anxiety, and have a problem dealing with germ contamination. My mental health is an issue to include:

  • OCD
  • Intrusive Thoughts
  • Depression
  • Stress
  • Anxiety
  • Emotional Distress
  • Procrastination

My Daily Life Routine

I have everything delivered, my grocery, my prescription, and take-outs. I have a business and do everything online, there is nothing I cannot do, other than send PIP Review forms back. 🤣😂

“I can adapt my life around my disability”.

I am able to cook and clean and do all the usual things anyone else can do with the aid of disposable latex gloves and sanitizing products”.

“I can give support to people that need me, which is why I developed this website to help people with disabilities. Did you there are Politicians in the UK with OCD”?

“I just find it difficult to interact with the outside physical world.

(Wearing latex gloves in public is embarrassing)”.

Although this is tongue-in-cheek humor, (Obviously, this video is a joke, someone with OCD would not allow anything to touch the floor (the spray bottle and backpack touched the floor). However, there is a serious side to OCD where I have been known in the past to sanitize public seating before sitting down. I once cleaned a window sill at a hospital before putting down my laptop and showed the dirt to the doctor, who turned around and said and I quote “I am not a cleaner, take it up with the ward manager”. It got to the stage where I refused to sit in the GP waiting area or in the office. I now avoid public humiliation, germ cross-contamination, and social interaction as much as possible. I now live in a sanitized quarantined home and do everything online. I am happy to keep my own company!

“I can manage my finances and run a business and can give support to anyone that needs me”.

(I prefer not to have incoming calls unscheduled as I could be working and do not want to be disturbed), plus the fact I prefer to communicate online rather than talk over the phone, phone calls cause me stress – phone phobia.

Phone calls cause me anxiety”.

What happened to being eco-friendly and saving the planet?

I carried on saying, I do not go out, I run a business and the easiest way is to send a digital copy, (every organization on this planet has online or digital downloadable forms, but PIP doesn’t). Even the gov website has online forms inclusive of tax returns and renewals of working tax & child credits.

PIP has made me emotionally distressed.

I also confirmed the email address (contactus@capita-pip.co.uk) I would send the information to and was told sorry this is not the email address it is for appeals and renewals, not reviews“. Quick thinking I replied that in the subject line I would say please forward this to the relevant person to which the agent replied “you cannot send it there because it may never be seen”.

I also stated this was causing me anxiety, so the agent said she would phone me back in an hour, which she did, and said she could send someone over. I replied because of my OCD I do not have people coming over, besides I run a business and cannot stop my business to stop and chat or fill out forms. How on earth am I supposed to forward sensitive data to a complete stranger?

Telephone Confusion!

(Which has caused me anxiety)!

The agent also gave me the option to get my daughter to send in the form but again I do not want the sensitive data sent in the post, she then asked when my daughter was coming back from UNI.

I did not clock on what the assessor meant until we ended the call. (I suffer from cognitive impairment due to my cerebellar atrophy), all I remember the assessor saying was “so you do not know when your daughter finishes uni” repeating it twice.

My daughter lives with me and goes to a local university I do not know her timetable so do not know when she finishes uni on any given day. But I guess the assessor thought my daughter travels or lives away.

I guess where the confusion came from when the assessor said do I have anyone to fill in the form or post it on my behalf, I said I only have my daughter but she goes to uni and what I should have continued to say is too busy to do errands for me.

It’s usually the other way around, I do all the writing, and phone calls (virtual landline) if I really need to. (I spoke to PIP 4 times over this review), and chasing on my daughter’s behalf but strictly online.

I am Super Stressed by this Review! “This is why I hate talking over the phone”!

Can of Worms.

This personal independence payment review is going to open up a can of worms because not only with my GP not responding to my letters other confirmation that they were received and put on the system but the breach in GDPR by having a cluster pharmacist tell me she had read my letter which was not addressed to her and was marked private and confidential.

My Online Journal

https://disabledentrepreneur.uk/category/renatas-online-journal/

Dilemma

I am now stuck between a rock and a hard place. I will send the form to the email I have regardless and see what happens but I will also contact pip again on Monday 14th to see if they can access this article to download, (I did that and the person said due to security reasons he could not access my site), even though I said I had embedded a PDF, including screenshots of the form to view online or download. No one then can argue they cannot access my review. I hate all the stress, I do not need it in my life.

“There is no cure for OCD”!

My OCD is not curable, so why does PIP think my OCD has miraculously got better? considering I have suffered with it for the best part of 30 years, in fact, the more stressed I am the worse my OCD gets. I use on average 200 pairs of latex gloves a week and do not interact with the outside world other than online. I will also send proof of invoices from Amazon on how much I spend.

Is OCD Curable: Know Why It’s Not, And Your Best Case Scenario (mantracare.org)

I do not see why I have to have a review, the day my health improves DWP will be the first to know.

“My overview letter is below, inclusive of the review form, ready for download”.

PIP-OVERVIEW-ONLINE-PDF-USE-2

I actually noticed an error in my letter on page 3, this is my cognitive impairment playing up because within the same sentence I said I use 200 pairs of gloves (I should have said (200 pairs per week ) which would be 1000 pairs, not 500 as stated. I jumble up words when I get stressed. I have not amended this error just to prove a point. Normally when I do content writing I read the article 20 times or more and get a second set of eyes.

Final Thoughts

No one can argue I never submitted or published my PIP review on time.

In fact, with the stress I have had to endure with my attempted communication, I have filled in the form which has caused my OCD to flare up and it is being sent this Wednesday recorded and signed for. The whole process could have been dealt with differently without it being degrading and humiliating.

But what I stated in the form which caused me a lot of distress filling it in, is that I will be contacting the health secretary Rt Hon Steve Barclay, and will be asking the Politicians who have OCD to comment on their disabilities and see if they are treated the same way and how they cope with the disorder.

I should not have to feel like I am bonkers. It does not help when I am trying to heal and have people question me even after I have attempted to show proof.

I have shown evidence of one of my disabilities online (OCD). I know there is a protocol that PIP needs to adhere, to assess people but at least treat people with dignity and not degrade them, make life easier by doing online forms, saving the government money, printing and sending out paper forms (This in itself costs the government money), thus also helping to save the planet from carbon emissions and it would be less stressful for people with disabilities that perhaps have problems filling out physical forms like myself.

I read that the NHS wastes £100m a year sending out letters so how much does it cost the government to send out PIP forms by post?

NHS ‘wastes £100m a year sending letters’ | News | The Times

MPs with OCD

MPs Charles Walker and Kevan Jones tell of mental health issues – BBC News

Just because I am disabled does not stop me from doing things, I just have to adapt to my surrounding to fit in with my disabilities”.

“My disabilities do not define me or stop me from following my dream”.

“Go Digital, Save Money & the Planet”

One final last thing I would have had an assessment sooner with my GP over my mental health had they bothered to contact me, seeing as I wrote two very detailed letters which were confirmed by the practice manager that they had been received and had been put on the system, but no clinician contacted me regarding my most recent letter, even though it stated in the email someone would.

Email Confirmation 27/05/22
Email Confirmation 08/09/22

#pip #pipreviews #personalindependancepayments #digitalforms #dwp

How To Stop Procrastinating

How to stop Procrastinating

What Is Procrastination?

Procrastination is the act of delaying or putting off tasks until the last minute, or past their deadline. Some researchers define procrastination as a “form of self-regulation failure characterized by the irrational delay of tasks despite potentially negative consequences.” According to Joseph Ferrari, a professor of psychology at DePaul University in Chicago and author of “Still Procrastinating: The No Regret Guide to Getting It Done,” around 20% of U.S. adults are chronic procrastinators.

Procrastination: Why It Happens and How to Overcome It (verywellmind.com)

Normally I am a well-organized individual and keep a business journal of things to do which I tick off once completed. But lately, even the to-do lists just lie there collecting dust.

I would much rather surf the net, watch movies and documentaries, and daydream rather than tackle more important issues. I find I can waste my whole day away simply doing nothing.

I lack motivation and enthusiasm and what once interested me no longer has the same appeal.

I think the only way I can get out of the rut I am in is to set goals because if I carry on like a robot I will not reap my rewards.

I have to stop worrying and think where there is an obstacle there is a solution to each problem and rather than avoid it tackle it head-on, with the attitude whatever will be will be. I am fortunate I can write so if there is a problem I can communicate in writing. My writing skills are my superpower.

If something is too hard to complete in one go, break it down into smaller modules.

As an example, I have a client that wants some articles written, and although I have semi-written them they go over the word count quota in which I am finding it difficult to make it shorter, hence am avoiding this person. I should by rights just say the articles will cost more than what he is prepared to pay or just accept his offer and not do any more work for him.

I am guilty of this, I may do everything than the task at hand. I may spend more time watching Netflix than doing my work. I sometimes lack motivation especially when I have things on my mind which are worrying me. People tend to procrastinate and waste countless hours on trivial pursuits (watching TV, updating their Facebook statuses, shopping online) rather than doing actual work or focusing on more important things.

Regardless if you have deadlines to meet and are putting off finishing a project for work, avoiding homework assignments, or ignoring household chores, procrastination can cause significant repercussions and have a major impact on your job, your grades, and your life.

Sometimes people have mental blocks and sometimes if something is troubling them they may avoid doing what urgently needs to be done.

Rather than run away from the problem tackle it head-on. There is no use trying to sweep it under the carpet because it will always be in the back of your mind.

You need to find the strength to deal with it.

Causes

Never leave things to the last minute, because if you do you will make things worse for yourself, you will make errors because you are hurrying and may not put all your thought into whatever you are trying to achieve. Students especially should give plenty of time to research, study, and understand.

Putting things off to the last minute may not give you ample time to finish the job.

You essentially will get yourself more worked up and stressed whereas if you had done it sooner you would not be in a fluster.

Don’t assume that projects won’t take as long to finish, this can lead to a false sense of security when you believe that you still have plenty of time to complete the tasks.

Staying focused and tackling undesirable jobs can help the job to be done quickly even though you may not always feel motivated. The reality is that if you wait until you’re in the right frame of mind to do certain tasks (especially ones you are not particularly looking forward to), you will probably find that the right time may never come and the task will never be completed.

Academics

A report published in 2007 on a meta-analysis in the Psychological Bulletin found that an outstanding 80% to 95% of college students procrastinated on a regular basis, especially when it came to completing assignments and coursework. According to researchers, there are some major cognitive distortions that lead to academic procrastination.

Students tend to:

  • Be bad at time management and may overestimate or underestimate how much time they have left to perform tasks and
  • Lack motivation
  • Assume that they need to be in the right frame of mind to work

What Is Cognitive Bias?

Depression

Stress and depression can cause procrastination. It is the ability to avoid doing something that may urgently need doing and preoccupying one’s mind with something else that may be trivial. Feelings of hopelessness, helplessness, and a lack of energy can make it difficult to start (and finish) the simplest task. As an example, I have so many projects waiting to be written and I keep putting them off. I find I am a daydreamer and somehow am willing the projects to miraculously get written by themselves. I have decided to get this post published otherwise it would have lingered in my drafts. Depression can also lead to self-doubt. When you can’t figure out how to tackle a project or feel insecure about your abilities, you might find it easier to put it off.

Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD)

MY OCD is germ contamination, but I do have traits of perfectionism to make sure my articles are well-written and proofread before publication.

OCD is often linked with maladaptive perfectionism, which causes fears and anxieties about not messing things up or making new mistakes. It can also lead to doubts about whether you are doing something properly and worrying about what others may think of you or their expectations of you.

I am usually very organized and decisive although it is said that people with OCD also often have a propensity toward indecision, causing them to procrastinate rather than make an active decision. (This is true to a certain degree for me, because if I am anxious about a certain task I may avoid doing it or postpone it to the very last minute).

ADHD

Research has found many adults with attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) find it hard to concentrate and thus struggle with procrastination.

A person who is not focused and is distracted with intrusive thoughts can find it hard to get started on a task, especially if that task is difficult or not interesting to them.

Is Procrastination a Mental Illness?

Although procrastination is not defined as a mental illness, in some cases, it may be symptomatic of an underlying mental health condition such as depression, OCD, or ADHD.

Why Do You Procrastinate?

When it comes to procrastination we often come up with a number of excuses to justify why we avoid doing things. According to researchers, there are 15 key reasons why people say they procrastinate:

  1. Being unsure of what needs to be done
  2. Being unsure of how to do something
  3. Avoiding wanting to do something
  4. Not bothered if it gets done or not
  5. Not bothered when something gets done
  6. Not being in the mood
  7. Leaving things till the last minute
  8. Thinking that you work better under pressure
  9. Believing that you can finish it at the last minute
  10. Lacking the motivation to get started
  11. Not remembering to start something
  12. Using sickness or poor health as an excuse
  13. Believing that the best time to start is at the right moment
  14. Thinking you need time to plan the task
  15. Postponing one task in favor of working on another

Types of Procrastination

Some researchers classify two types of procrastinators: passive and active procrastinators.

  • Passive procrastinators: Postpone tasks because they have trouble making decisions and acting on them
  • Active procrastinators: Postpone tasks deliberately because working under pressure allows them motivated
  • Perfectionist: Avoiding tasks out of the fear of not being able to complete the job perfectly
  • Dreamer: Postpones or avoids tasks because they cannot complete the job thoroughly
  • Defier: Someone that believes their time cannot be dictated and they are in full control
  • Worrier: Postpones or Avoids tasks out of fear of change or leaving the comfort zone.
  • Crisis-maker: Postpones or avoids tasks because they like working under pressure and cannot deal with the stress
  • Overdoer: Someone that takes on too many jobs which may become overwhelming and may struggle to find time to start and complete one job never may several

Procrastinators vs. Non-Procrastinators

“Non-procrastinators do not have a care in the world they are very focused individuals that have good time management and can work under pressure and to deadlines. Non-procrastinators are assertive with strong personal identity do not care what others think about them. According to psychologist Piers Steel, people who don’t procrastinate tend to be high in the personality trait known as conscientiousness, one of the broad dispositions identified by the Big Five theory of personality. People who are high in conscientiousness also tend to be high in other areas including self-discipline, persistence, and personal responsibility.

Procrastination

When procrastination becomes chronic, it may begin to have a serious impact on a person’s daily life and this can become a serious issue. In such instances, it’s not just a matter of having poor time management skills, it’s a major part of their lifestyle.

Procrastinators may avoid paying their bills on time, may come into work late, or delay starting assignments until the night before the deadline, this could include delaying gift shopping until the day before a birthday, and even filing their income tax returns late.

Procrastination can have a serious impact on a person’s daily life routine, this, in turn, can cause serious health issues including mental health. Social, professional, and financial well-being can be affected including:

  • Significant higher levels of stress and illness
  • The increased burden placed on social relationships
  • People not understanding which leads to resentment from friends, family, co-workers, and fellow students
  • Financial Difficulty from the consequences of late bills and late payment charges.

Overcoming Procrastination

  • Re-wire your mind, control your thoughts and stay focused.
  • Create a critical time path and map out each task in a journal or calendar, and set reminders.
  • Create a to-do list: To help keep you on track, consider placing a due date next to each item.
  • Take each step at a time, do not rush, and tick off each completed task. Take baby steps: Consider breaking down the items on your list into small, manageable steps.
  • Have time to meditate for 5 mins in the morning and 5 minutes before you go to bed.
  • Recognize intrusive thoughts and the warning signs, pay attention to any thoughts of procrastination and do your best to resist the urge. When you have a negative thought quickly put that thought into your imaginary bin and quickly replace it with a positive thought.
  • Create a tranquil setting where you cannot be disturbed. Eliminate all distractions including social media if you do not use them for business use.
  • Be self-disciplined, be assertive, and try to work slowly and take one task at a time.
  • Reward yourself with a self-gift for every task completed, it could be a simple bar of chocolate to a more expensive present you have been meaning to buy yourself. Knowing that once you have completed your task and looking forward to receiving your well-deserved purchase makes the job even more worthwhile.

#procrastination #selfdiscipline #intrusivethoughts #assertiveness #selfesteem #avoidance #distractions #meditation #stress #mentalillness #ocd #adhd #fear

British Gas treating people unfairly and getting away with it.

British Gas treating people unfairly and getting away with it. Ombudsman’s Response To My Complaint. KICK IN THE TEETH!

After reporting British Gas to the Ombudsman over my first incident, I had the final decision and they asked me to fill in a survey today to see how well they did. My argument was the British are treating people unfairly and getting away with this with no concern for people’s mental health.

My Original Complaint

My first complaint is for the duration of February 2022 and August 2022 and has been ongoing with the Ombudsman since September 2022.

You can read the entire thread of my articles here from the most recent which does not apply to this article to the oldest relating to everything I have gone through and the mental health that this has caused me.

You can also read my complaint overview below:

BRITISH-GAS-OVERVIEW-OF-COMMENTS

Here was my response:

Random Charges!

On top of months’ worth of distress from British Gas, the Ombudsman who does not care about Mental Health has kicked me in the teeth. I regret not accepting the first decision, at least I would have had an apology from someone but now I do not get an apology at all. It is absolutely disgusting that an organization such as yourselves have basically let British Gas off with a gesture of goodwill of £75 (It was never about the money, it was however most importantly about the emotional distress, I endured and how they pushed me to nearly breaking point) How many people have they pushed to breaking point? To think they then carried on their antics further by scamming me £86 (https://disabledentrepreneur.uk/arguing-with-british-gas-is-exhausing-cancelling-accounts-in-error/) never mind the two times before which you were aware of £9 .64 + £3.84 random charges, NOTHING HAS BEEN RESOLVED. British Gas is now LAUGHING because they can do pretty much anything to a consumer with their BULLYING and you as an organization let them. Will I be reporting British Gas again to the Ombudsman with my recent incident, what is the point, I highly doubt it, but instead I will let mainstream media know because you do nothing to help the consumer. Furthermore, I said they damaged my credit score which I sent in my appeal and that was not addressed either by you. So in all thanks for “KICKING ME IN THE TEETH”!

The response from them is in the PDF below, which tells me that British Gas is part of the Government and they work hand in hand, hence that is why they have taken no action.

The whole appeal I have copied and pasted from their website and part of it is mentioned in the PDF below:

Appeal – Original Decision Maintained

The consumer has appealed the decision

Reason: incorrect decision

What was the factual error?

1) You state that I said that I am on direct debit (this is incorrect, I am not on a direct debt). 

I was on direct debit in February. Had you read my letter properly and also cross-referenced the online publications you would have read I was put on a direct debt in February which I then canceled and tried to then get on a payment plan, which is now been set up but it took 6 months of arguing to get to this stage. 

2) I also stated in order for the energy cap British Gas insists only people on Direct Debits will have that privilege (photo of letter attached).

3) You failed to mention that I was asked to advertise British Gas Trust on my website https://disabledentrepreneur.uk/useful-links-2/ Under the heading 'Charities' & Energy & Utility Support (I am not a charity even though I have been advertising them from the time I was asked to do so). 

4) You have played done the seriousness of the emotional distress I have endured. By stating you will not enforce companies such as British Gas to change the ways how they handle vulnerable people with mental health disorders, you are essentially giving these companies a  license to basically treat people the same way I have been treated or worse. I wonder what mind.org.uk would have to say about that? How would you like it if a company treated you or someone close to you the same way? My point was I was close to breaking point that day and British Gas did push my buttons. I was fortunate to have found the strength to retaliate, maybe the next person that has to deal with companies like British Gas may not be so lucky. Had I not found the strength and the Police arrived 5 hours later things could have turned out differently. British Gas caused me a lot of anguish and despair and caused me to have intrusive thoughts that day. If I owned a company like British Gas and I found out that my staff caused my customers so much distress I would fire them on the spot. 

4) You failed to mention I was overcharged for a fictitious meter reading in one of my articles and screenshots, which I have attached again, so your gesture of goodwill has now been reduced to £55. 

5) You state you do not give monetary compensation, but you give gestures of goodwill.

6) I want a personal apology from Chris O'Shea, I was not worried ever about not paying off the debt, I just need more time which British Gas refused to give me even though in February I was a plan on the pretense I set up a direct debit and the moment I canceled that's when everything went haywire. I needed more time because I am a small business and cannot magically get money out of thin air. I have not had a problem with my electricity and water just British Gas. I was very anxious and concerned that the "computer was saying no" (Little Britain) and that I had to pay £190 pm when my usage is about £40 per month and then was threatened to have my debt passed to a debt collection agency. I have clients that owe me much more than what I owed British Gas at the time and I do not hound them or behave the way British Gas treats their customers.

7) I reiterate when did I ever mention that British Gas would not give me phone recordings?, what I said was I had half a phone recording in February and British Gas's response was they do not always record the full length of the calls. 

8) I have attached a recent letter Brish Gas sent me recently estimating my past usage again. But my past usage is nowhere near my present or future usage and should NOT be based on my past because I am using as little gas as possible. So they are still intimidating with the past usage (BS). Granted my usage was high up until April because I had the central heating on day and night as I have a daughter that suffers from multiple sclerosis. I do not plan to turn my central heating on at all this winter. I will be using electric heaters, so once again I am back to the same argument again and will NOT be intimidated into paying British Gas a penny more than what I use. I will not be paying for their estimated calculations. I know how much I use it. In fact, seeing as I am in credit I will be looking for another provider, providing I can access the British Gas website, perhaps they could do some help from www.ukwebsitedesigners.co.uk which I happen to own. 

9) I have attached my credit score proof of marker put on my credit file, with an incorrect balance I could not access  British Gas to do a screenshot of my balance, which by coincidence the website is down. 

10) I need you to look at the attachments I am submitting now to see where  I am coming from.

Yours Truly
Renata Maziak Barnes


Why does the factual error make a difference?

The factual error proves that my complaint was not thoroughly addressed. I argued with British Gas that my past usage will not reflect my future or present usage but they are insistent to make as much money as they can by intimidating people to pay based on past usage. (What I used last winter is not going to be anywhere near how much I going to use this winter). Vulnerable people will be afraid to turn their heating on and the elderly will die. I want an apology from Chris O'Shea himself. I will not be intimidated. 

Appeal rejection reason

Good afternoon 

Thank you for your appeal to our decision 

i can confirm that after reviewing the points you have made, this would not warrant a change to our previous decision. We appreciate that the issues with British gas have caused you a great deal of upset and distress. I am satisfied that this has been addressed, however if you feel that you need to take this further, you will need to contact a further third party such as Citizen's advice.

you have advised that you require an apology from a named person at British gas, unfortunately we can't require this as this is outside of our remit.

Therefore, after revisiting your complaint, I have maintained our original decision, however as advised you are able to pursue other avenues should you wish to take this further.

Kind regards

xxxxxxxxxxxxx 

Investigation officer
OMBUDSMAN-REDACTED-2

CONCLUSION – NAME, SHAME & TAKE LEGAL ACTION

I have come to the conclusion reporting British Gas to the Ombudsman can add some weight to your litigation claim should you go down the route of taking them to court. This applies to every organization. By reporting them, you are creating a carbon footprint of evidence that can work in your favor. Writing about the entity online also creates bad press. Naming and shaming a company especially if they rely on investors does not look good. However, it just shows that mental health is not a priority, and organizations can do practically what they want and get away with it. To think I will not even get an apology is utterly shameful.

The ombudsman has advised me to take them to court.

The apology was redacted by the appeal officer, name redacted.

“I feel very disappointed with the outcome of the Ombudsman’s decision but I should not have expected anything different. I WON’T EVEN GET AN APOLOGY!, which is disgusting in my eyes. This is not how organizations should treat people, especially if they have mental health issues. I am mentally exhausted from it all and I still have another issue to contend with over the closed account (which I did not close) which has now been reinstated. I am just waiting for British Gas to get back in touch with me, although I am not holding my breath”.

Meet the 77-year-old ‘sleuth’ who’s taken British Gas, BT and even her council to court… and WON: ‘They thought I was a little old lady they could squash into the ground’ (msn.com)

#britishgas #ombudsman #ofgem #utilityproviders #gesturesofgoodwill #monetarycompensation #emotionaldistress

Arguing With British Gas is Exhausting

Arguing With British Gas Is Exhausting – I Do Not Have The Energy To Fight With British Gas – Cancelling Accounts in Error.

I have had enough of British Gas and its antics.

British Gas is most definitely affecting my mental health!

I reported British Gas to the Ombudsman over another matter which is still ongoing and was recently notified my account has been closed by British Gas.

I never closed my account, and they are insinuating that I moved out of my property in September of this year.

I have since been given a complaint reference number and a task number. Complaint Reference Number: 8014408673
Task Number: 7023097367

My Complaint 26/10/22.

I phoned on 26/10/22 and spoke to someone for 1.5 hours (screenshot below). I asked her to send me an email which the agent tried to do 3 times and each time it bounced. I asked her for a copy of the audio recording and she said that was impossible. She then told me that the Move Home Team would contact me in 12 days (deadline 7th November 2022).

Phone calls totaling 3 hours and 29 minutes.

27/10/22

Not trusting British Gas as far as I can throw them I phoned back again on 27/10/22 and spoke to a woman that said she would put me through to the Moving Home Team and that is when the call got disconnected. She did not phone me back.

So I phoned again (screenshot above) and this time had to update the agent again as there were no notes in relation to my complaint that my account had been closed in error because another tenant from the (Ground Floor Flat) said I had moved out (This is according to the first agent I spoke to).

I have never resided in a Ground Floor Flat. I have lived since 1998 in Flat 2, (First Floor Flat). According to British Gas, there is no property listed on the national database for a “First Floor Flat” yet there is a “Ground Floor Flat”, strange don’t you think?

I have since been given a reference number but have been told British Gas has closed the complaint as there is nothing they can do. We will see about them when I invoice them for my time.

I am going to be invoicing British Gas for all my time wasted when I could have been working but instead had to make 3 phone calls which disrupted my business and lasted nearly 3.5 hours. I am self-employed and my time costs money.

But I am not stopping there I will also be sending an invoice for my previous complaint that the Ombudsman advised I should take British Gas to court.

I WILL NOT BE INTIMIDATED!

I read that someone took them to court and won.

https://www.standard.co.uk/business/how-british-gas-ended-up-in-court-for-being-too-heavyhanded-with-customers-6878749.html

https://www.pinsentmasons.com/out-law/news/debt-collection-can-be-harassment-british-gas-ruling-sends-warning-to-all-suppliers#:~:text=Lisa%20Ferguson%20took%20the%20energy,British%20Gas%20for%20eight%20months.

Not Adding Up.

According to the text message from British Gas and the final bill with a meter reading I never submitted there is something definitely fishy going on. I have since spoken to the new tenant that confirmed they never submitted a meter reading, so who did?

Previous Tenant Text Message To Me!

I have redacted the previous tenant’s name for the privacy of the Ground Floor Flat which she sent me on the 2nd June 2022.

Upon further investigation, I had a text from the previous tenant prior to the new tenants moving in stating they were handing in their keys beginning on 2nd June 2022.

So from the time June to September, the property downstairs was empty, with contractors coming in and out whilst it was being refurbished.

So the text message from British Gas has the dates wrong because the tenant moved out on 02/06/22 and not 18/09/22 as they claim I did even though I never resided in the Ground Floor Flat. The mind boggles. For legal reasons, I will not publish the previous tenant’s name.

British Gas Text Message To Me!

I have redacted the new tenant’s name of the Ground Floor Flat, as quoted in the text message from British Gas and I actually moved into the First Floor Flat in 1998 and not 2007 as British Gas claims. I believe the old tenant that moved out on 02/06/22 moved in on 13/01/07.

Move Home Team

I have been told to wait for the Move Home Team to contact me in the next 12 days. (Deadline 07/11/22). I am not holding my breath. I also spoke with the new people that moved in and they have not submitted a meter reading on my behalf.

If I do not hear from them by the 7th of November 2022 let the fireworks begin.

The last meter reading I did was on the 29th of September 2022.

My Last Meter Reading 29/09/22.

Meter Reading After I moved out presumingly (according to British Gas)!

According to my final bill, the last meter reading was 2860 (24/10/22) which I never submitted. How could I submit a meter reading after moving out? If I moved out presumingly on the 18th of September 2022 how could I then possibly submit a meter reading on the 29th of September 2022 and then another on the 24th of October 2022? Explain that to me.

Questionable Meter Reading 2860

So whoever submitted a meter reading was not me, and was not for my meter. Because how could the usage be fewer units on the 29th (2837) and more units on the 18th September 2022 (2860) when I supposedly moved out?, it just does not make sense and I have a witness when I had my meter reading read because I asked a friend who sent me the photo of my meter via text.

A text message from my friend and images of my meter on 29/09/22
Photographic Evidence, I have redacted the sender’s name.

Refund

Not only did I receive money back into my bank account today (03/11/22), which I was under the impression they are not allowed to store your bank details but as I have proven again they obviously do, considering I canceled my direct debit in February I have obviously caught them out red-handed again because how else would they have refunded me if I did not give them my bank details?

According to my last bill, it clearly says Ground Floor Flat but every letter and bill previously has never mentioned the ground floor or first floor. I have never resided in a ground-floor flat. I do not want to say it out loud but reading between the lines someone has purposely thrown a spanner in the works at my expense.

BRITISH-GAS-FINAL-BILL

So had I not intervened, would I have had free gas?

It is as if history is repeating itself. It is not the first time this has ever happened.

When I first moved in 24 years ago I tried to set up an account with British Gas and when no bills arrived I phoned them and for a year they were adamant they were not supplying my gas. Finally, they realized the error and ended up sending me a bill for £900. I do not want to be in the same position again. I will take this to mainstream media if I have to.

British Gas Muppets!

I have evidence and date stamp screenshots of text messages above redacting the sender’s name when I last submitted a meter reading (29/09/22).

How could I have submitted a meter reading on 29/09/22 when I supposedly had moved out on 18/09/22?

I am going to report this to the ombudsman again.

Companies like British Gas cannot go around playing God and messing with people’s mental health.

If I was in charge I would fire the people responsible. This should never have happened.

I even have a screenshot of my past meter readings to show I submitted a meter reading on the 29th of September 2022

Past Readings

Ironically when I tried to access this information again it no longer is appearing on the dashboard.

I suspect my account will disappear any day now, seeing as my account is closed and I have had a refund, which means British Gas has tampered with past readings to cover their backs as there is obviously an error in plain sight.

Therefore if I submitted a meter reading on the 29th of September 2022 where I was billed followed by a mysterious reading on 24/10/22 if I supposedly had moved out of the property on the 18th (Muppets). I should not have been billed again after that date seeing I supposedly had moved out on the 18th.

British Gas then generated another meter reading on the 24th of October 2022 (unknown person) according to my payment history. How could this amount be applied after they claim I moved out on the 18th?

Either way, there is something definitely wrong!

Payment History

There is no reversal of the bank charge on the 24th of £86.32 which would have made the balance £107.13, not £53.68 which was refunded which means I got scammed £53.45

Payment Reversal

If my balance was £107.13 in credit on the 4th of October 2022 and they refunded me £53.68 that would leave a balance of £53.45 in credit. They then charged me £86.32 for a meter reading I did not submit and then reversed it which would still leave a balance of £53.45 in credit but the same charge of £86.32 has been reapplied again on the 8th November 2022 (what for may I ask and I need proof of the charges, such as meter readings). British Gas is cooking the books.

Complaint Procedure.

  • First phone British Gas and ask for a complaint reference number, do not trust them to log anything on the system.
  • With the complaint reference number write a formal complaint to British Gas via email with all the evidence you have collated.
  • Take screenshots of the duration of the phone calls and the dates.
  • Take screenshots of text messages and any other correspondence.
  • Give British Gas 14 days to respond and if you hear nothing report them to the ombudsman, link below.

Useful Links:

British Gas emails:

customerservice@britishgas.co.uk

customercomplaints@britishgas.co.uk

(send to both just copy and paste your original or cc the second email address).

Ofgem:

www.ofgem.gov.uk

https://www.ombudsman-services.org/complain-now

#britishgas #meterreadings #britishgascomplaints #britishgasaccounts #ofgem #ombudsman

Final Thoughts & My Health

I simply have not got the energy to fight any longer with anyone. I feel so deflated. I will be so grateful when the universe helps me out. I am tired and lack motivation, I struggle with work and everything is just getting to me, especially when companies play GOD with your mental health. I persevere because I have to. I am done with people testing me, pushing my buttons, and getting away with it. I need to find the strength to fight back, I am just taking each day as it comes. I cannot deal with stress and anxiety. I am trying to stay focused but it’s hard. I will be grateful when tomorrow comes with positive news.

UPDATE 08/11/2022

I decided to have a go one last time and phoned them again. I raised the points:

  • How are they storing bank details without the customer’s permission? I never gave permission for them to store my bank details. This is a breach of GDPR. The agent could not or would not answer me.
  • I asked for the audio recording and the agent said I would have to send a postal letter to the ‘Privacy Team in Centrica. Why was this not done on my previous phone calls on the 26th and 27th of October 2022.? I turned around and said if the agent did not sort this out here and now I would report it to the Ombudsman.
  • I asked for another complaint reference number: 8014474220 and was told the task would take 12 working days for someone to get back in touch with me. The Move Home Team never came back to me previously which also took 12 days, so for me to expect any response is going to be slim, hence I am sending them an email today.

Seeing as I have been a loyal customer for 24 years at the property and have not moved out, it is absolutely shocking to have been treated this way”.

What I believe has happened is that between 02/06/2022 to 19/09/2022 someone stated that the previous tenant moved in on 13/01/07 and moved out on 18/09/22 when in reality the property for the ground floor was empty between 02/06/22 and 18/09/22.

The entity whoever they may be, falsified information stating I moved in on 13th January 2007 when in reality the old tenant moved in (13/01/07) and moved out (02/06/22) and the entity used my name causing me to have my account closed.

It would be interesting to know who submitted the meter reading on the 24th of October 2022. However they could have used the new tenants’ name that recently moved in, rather than giving their real name, so I cannot prove who did this, although I can second guess. This is a low blow by any means. There is only one ENTITY that would have known the moving-in date of both tenants, that’s all I am saying.

My phone call today (08/11/22) took two hours and twenty-two minutes.

Call Date 08/11/22

SIX HOURS TOTAL TIME SPENT ON PHONE CALLS

I told the agent that I have spent nearly six hours in total trying to resolve this issue and that I would expect to be compensated for my time. As published on my website terms and conditions in the footer of www.ukwebsitedesigners.co.uk there is a section on page 20 that says anyone disrupting me from doing my work will be invoiced for my time:

Terms & Conditions

UKWD-TERMS-AND-CONDITIONS-2022-UPDATED

Arguing With British Gas Is Exhausting.

I am glad my account has been reinstated and a payment plan put in place, but with the amount of distress, I have endured no one should go through what I have had to go through.

Impact on your health from someone who has COVID -19.

Impact on your health from someone who has COVID -19.

Patient A – My Daughter who is Fully Vaccinated

Patent B – Myself who has not had one Vaccination

I write two examples of two people living under the same roof with two different immune systems.

Just before Covid became world news I remember the Christmas before going to a restaurant on Christmas Eve with my daughter for a pre-booked Christmas Dinner, feeling like I had been hit by a bus with a very high temperature. I remember not having an appetite and could not wait to come home.

I decided after that not to venture out and not come into contact with anyone with the illness. I did not even go for my vaccinations. Because I suffer from OCD I am more vigilant and am an expert on germ awareness.

Germ awareness and cross-contamination should be taught everywhere and it should be in social media advertising and on television, radio, and in periodicals. It should be emphasized until we are sick of hearing about it. People who deliberately go out spreading their germs should be punished by law.

I obviously dodged a bullet until last week, when before my daughter could even speak I blurted out “Don’t tell me so you have COVID”?

She has had all the latest boosters and was due her fifth until she confirmed the dreaded news. She reckons she caught it from someone in university and by coincidence one of her tutors has just emailed her saying they too have become ill and all seminars will be online.

There is absolutely no excuse the moment you feel you are unwell to do a test and if you have Covid do not come to work or school, university, etc, or any public place for that matter. Do not be selfish. Obviously, people who only think about themselves and do not care about people around them would spread germs.

God will punish people who do not care about others. Do not go out without testing yourself first especially if you start to develop any of the symptoms below or on the NHS site.

Literally the same day she told me I started having the symptoms:

  • High Temperature
  • Feeling Freezing Cold even though I had to put the central heating on full blast.
  • Light headiness
  • Pounding Headache
  • A Cough
  • Feeling lethargic without energy
  • Aching Body
  • Loss of Appetite
  • Loss of Taste
  • Loss of Smell.

Coronavirus (COVID-19) symptoms in adults – NHS (www.nhs.uk)

My daughter who has had nearly all her boosters would be entitled to medication as she would be classed as a priority whilst me being the bad egg would not. I am just riding the tide and believe with willpower I can beat this. In fact, she told me last Tuesday, it is Sunday now, and I am feeling 75% better already.

Mind you I felt like I was hit by a truck and dragged down the road backward. I have little energy and am only now slowly coming back online which is unusual for me and it has only happened twice with the Christmas before the Covid announcement and now.

My daughter’s immune system has been suppressed because she finished her multiple sclerosis treatment earlier this year (www.lemtrada.com) and her body would not be reset until January of next year. Suppressed Immune System: What Is It, Causes, and More | Osmosis I was also concerned for her because she is vulnerable. However, we both experienced the same symptoms and we are both on the road to recovery.

I asked her on a scale of 1 being bad and 10 being good how she was feeling and she said 5 whereas I am feeling 7 or 8.

If any of our symptoms change I will document it here.

Am I angry, of course, I am, I have been off work because of the selfish person that decided to come to a public place to spread germs.

#covid #covid19 #germawareness #bacteria #crosscontamination

Stress & Depression are the root cause of OCD.

Up to ½ million people in the UK have work-related stress often resulting in illness. Up to 5 million people in the UK are ‘very’ or ‘extremely’ stressed through work. ‘Stress, depression, and anxiety are the second most commonly reported work-related illnesses. https://www.stressuless.com/stress.html

Stress & Depression are the root cause of OCD.

Depression may be related to the personal stress developed at home or work. Depression may result after the onset of OCD as in the article below but Depression can also be the result of traumatic events in a person’s life such as Grief which causes a Domino Effect.

Depression | OCD-UK (ocduk.org)

The Link Between OCD and Major Depressive Disorder (verywellmind.com)

Renata’s Online Journal Health Update.

I will talk about 5 things relating to me and how they are impacting my life and what I am doing in terms of therapy.

  • Stress
  • Anxiety
  • OCD
  • Intrusive Thoughts
  • Depression

Stress

I am under a tremendous amount of stress for the following reasons:

  1. I have an ongoing dispute with British Gas and it is currently being investigated by the ombudsman.
  2. I have clients dropping like flies because they no longer can afford to pay for their websites due to the price rises of the cost of living.
  3. I am concerned about the stability of a brand new computer that the manufacturer refused to replace or give a refund for. (I am tired of all the arguing I am having to do).
  4. The uncertainty of what the future holds,

I wrote a letter 15 pages long to my GP (Doctor) after I received a letter to make an appointment for my annual medication review, but they could not send me a letter when I wrote to them (9 pages long) in May 2021. I sent both letters via email and both letters were acknowledged and put on the system with a response that a clinician will contact me…I am still waiting for a reply to my letter.

There is a clue in the 4 points I mentioned that can narrow down to the underlying root of how I am feeling, albeit I am also suffering from the aftermath of the domestic violence I endured on top of the daily stresses.

Anxiety

SYMPTOMS OF ANXIETY 

Anxiety may present with any of the following symptoms:

  • Nervousness (I do get nervous when I have to do things I am unfamiliar with relating to work or have to start a dispute to the point I actually feel sick).
  • Being overly and constantly worried (I try to keep myself busy so that I do not have to think too much about my problems).
  • Restlessness (I cannot sit and do nothing, I have to do something, I cannot do idle chitter chatter, I think sitting at a table talking nonsense whilst socializing is a waste of time, I would much rather learn something or turn the wheel to generate business than attend social gatherings -although I cannot at the moment because of my social disconnection issues).
  • Feeling a lump in your throat (If I recall experiencing fear or being in fight or flight mode I have experienced an uncomfortable feeling of finding it hard to swallow).
  • Difficulty concentrating (I have noticed that I cannot concentrate on reading books, it’s as if my mind wanders).
  • Fatigue (I am tired usually when I wake from the interrupted sleeping pattern and a combination of taking my med, so I counteract this by drinking energy drinks that are high in caffeine).
  • Irritability (I am only irritable if things do not go my way).
  • Impatience (I have a short fuse, I do not have patience and I can be rude at times although I usually do apologize I get irritable of people play me to be a fool. people should be careful to insult my intelligence).
  • Muscle tension (Not that I have noticed other than back pain or electricity shooting in the back of my neck but that could be related to Epidural Analgesia).
  • Insomnia (I take medication to send me to sleep otherwise my mind would be racing all night long and I would not be able to sleep).
  • Excessive sweating (Not that I have noticed personally)
  • Shortness of breath (If I have a panic attack, if I am extremely anxious, or if something has really upset me to the point I am becoming a nervous wreck I have been known to have a shortness of breath especially if I have been in a fight or flight mode due to domestic violence).
  • Stomachache (My mother suffered from stomach problems I always thought she was intolerant to certain foods but as I reflect my stomach is normally fine).
  • Diarrhea (Energy drinks do that but the way I relate to this it helps to flush all the toxins out and helps with weight gain).
  • Headache (If I get really stressed my head will thump).
  • Appetite changes (I have not noticed an increase or decrease in appetite but sometimes crave chocolate, but don’t we all).

OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder)

Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) is a mental health disorder that causes distress to the sufferer, it may be a recurrent pattern of unwanted thoughts (obsessions) such as germ contamination that lead to repetitive behaviors (compulsions) such as to disinfect and quarantine. Obsessive thoughts are uncontrollable fears, ideas, sensations, or impulses that trigger extreme distress.

Because I am stressed my OCD is more visible. I may have to change my clothes multiple times in the day if I think I have brushed past something by accident. I am unstable in keeping my balance (cerebellar atrophy).

I go through about 500 pairs of disposable gloves a day and find it hard to touch things with my bare hand without disinfecting them straight after with Dettol. It has to be Dettol as the other brands I cannot get my head around that they will do the same job even though they claim they do, maybe it is my OCD that makes me think this way.

I have a quarantined area where no one can step foot apart from me, not even my daughter can touch anything that I deemed to be sanitized. I am really sad that I cannot give my daughter a hug, I really wish I could but something stops me. I know it is not her it is me and one day I will be in a better place because in the 30 years I have suffered with OCD I have managed to control it to the point it was not so prominent until I had an onset of traumatic events that caused it to come back again with a vengeance.

I am 100% convinced if I did not have stress, did not endure traumatic events, and if I did not have depression because of the stress and I was in a HAPPY PLACE my OCD would be under control. I would not say it would be 100 % cured because depending on my stress levels it would never be totally eradicated. Some people can deal with stress better than others. Some people, smoke cigarettes, drink alcohol and take recreational or prescribed drugs. I only take prescribed drugs for my OCD and they do not work other than sending me to sleep.

I am always on the lookout for different ways I can control my OCD but I have only found hypnosis and meditation to help with the healing process. I am studying neuroplasticity and how to rewire our brains.

In order for hypnosis to work, it has to be done consistently, you will not be cured in a day, week, or month. This has to be a daily occurrence until you start noticing a change. I have completed my diploma for hypnosis and yes I did hypnotize myself successfully but I need to do it every day and with work commitments and everything else that is going on in my life I am too tired and end up falling asleep. You should do hypnosis just before you do to sleep or when you wake up. Other times you can do it during the day without distractions and religiously around the same time of the day.

Although I can do hypnotherapy I do not practice it and have never tried to do it on anyone else.

Renata Hypnotherapy Diploma
Certificate of Completion.

https://disabledentrepreneur.uk/category/obsessive-compulsive-disorder/

Intrusive Thoughts

I live in rented accommodation and have lived in the same property for 24 years. Although I have had money in the past to buy a property I was never focused and did not understand the consequences of my actions in planning for the future. I lived in the moment and never planned my life ahead.

My intrusive thoughts are:

  1. Will my abuser return to the UK to pay me a visit? (That is part of the reason why I have not left my home because I am scared he may be lurking around.
  2. Will I crash and burn and lose everything? ( I got robbed a few years ago and all my valuables were stolen. I have replaced the majority of things and do not want to lose them again.
  3. Will my daughter’s health deteriorate (she suffers from multiple sclerosis)?
  4. Will my health ever improve?
  5. Will I ever be happy and in a happy place?
  6. Thoughts that cause triggers like the death of Queen II, and although the news is sad and I know a family is grieving, it has however revived memories of my parents and my brother passing which has made me have thoughts such as if our loved ones are watching over us are they disappointed in me or are they happy that I am doing everything I can to turn my life around?

Depression

Symptoms of Depression are:

  • Continuous feelings of low mood and/or sadness (I try to keep myself busy so that I do not have time to dwell too much on all the things that have gone wrong in my life).
  • Feeling hopeless and helpless (Yes I do feel hopeless at times but I always try to find the energy to fight until I reach my goals -yes I have set goals, you have to, you need to have a plan).
  • Having low self-esteem (When I wake it is like one of those movies where the person dies and comes back again and nothing has changed, well it is like that for me, I eat, sleep and repeat and nothing changes).
  • Feeling tearful constantly (I cannot say I am tearful it takes a lot to push my buttons although British Gas (Energy Supplier) did drive me to tears, so I reported them).
  • Feelings of guilt (I feel guilty for squandering my money. Had I been focused and taught how to manage my money I would be in a different place now, but you learn the hard way I have many regrets and if I could turn back time with what I know I would have done things differently knowing what I know now. I feel guilty for being stupid with my finances and the people that I trusted). I also feel guilty for distancing myself and perhaps not contacting people sooner that have now passed away (old people).
  • Feeling irritable (I only get irritable if things do not go my way or if I have to deal with stupid people)
  • Having no motivation or interest in hobbies and interests (I have plenty of things to keep me occupied, the websites that I own and manage for my clients keep me busy, never mind my content writing. I am motivated because I have gotten this far so I am not going to give up even though when I wake it takes me a minute or two to tell myself that today may be the day that things change for the better, so I carry on).
  • Being indecisive (I sometimes procrastinate over things such as whether should I start a certain project or not, or if can it wait and I end up putting it off again and again).
  • No real enjoyment in life (I live on the internet my physical self is just a vessel that keeps me going. I do not think of my life in the physical sense I have socially disconnected from the outside world other than for the couriers and workmen that come to the property and I am happy this way. Would I do things differently if I did not have OCD or feared ever crossing paths with the people that caused me harm, I don’t think so. I am happy in my own company)
  • Feeling anxious and/or worried (My mother was a worrier and I must take after her, she also had undiagnosed OCD. Yes my intrusive thoughts do sometimes get in the way, hence I keep myself busy so that I do not have time to think).
  • Thoughts of harming yourself or suicidal feelings (This is furthest from my mind. I was at my lowest and for a millisecond it did cross my mind when I endured all the physical and mental abuse from my abuser but I told myself if I quit he would win so I turned my thoughts around to show him that everything he said was wrong and that I would be successful and he would live to regret treating me the way he did).
  • Loss of appetite – although sometimes can see an increase in appetite (I see food as energy when I am hungry I will eat, I do not watch my calories and try to eat healthy most of the time, I have no problem with my appetite, in fact, I should really lose a bit of weight considering I do not exercise because (a) I do not venture out (b) My knee pain would be too excruciating to walk very far).
  • A general lack of energy (Because of my medication, I feel so tired when I wake so I counteract that by drinking energy drinks that are high in caffeine which causes a domino effect and causes me to have an overactive bladder)
  • Low sex drive.
  • Trouble sleeping (I do have trouble sleeping but that is alleviated with the prescribed medication, however with the interruptions to my sleep because of my overactive bladder I find when I wake I am very tired so have to drink energy drinks to keep me awake).
  • Avoiding social interaction (I have social disconnection issues and I prefer my own company)
  • Difficulty maintaining family relationships (I do not have any close relatives living in the UK other than my daughter and we have a close bond, my brother and all his children live in the USA, I guess it must be very hard for their mother who lives in the UK).

Further Reading:

My Dreams, Aspirations & Goals

My dreams, aspirations, and goals are one day to be in a happy place living a happy life, be financially free and most of all not suffering from OCD, Stress, Anxiety, or Depression. I want to one day when I retire travel the world and photograph everything I see. I want to one day be able to document my journey and leave a legacy.

I want to motivate and inspire people so that they can be led on the right path.

I will continue to do what I am doing because I sense where I am supposed to be, is the right place to be. By continuing writing and researching I not only help myself I also help others. This online journal is my therapy because it gives me a platform to voice my knowledge, thought and opinions.

My dreams are to reach my goals.

#stress #anxiety #intrusivethoughts #ocd #obsessivecompulsivedisorder #depression

British Gas Inaccurate Estimated Usage Forecast.

Meter Reading 29th September 2022

British Gas Meter Estimated Usage Forcast.

I have recently received a letter from British Gas about the new prices on the 1st of October 2022 with their incorrect estimated usage of £2015.92 Again they are basing their calculations on past usage. My past usage is going to be nothing like my present or future. Whereby I had the central heating on full blast last year I would rather freeze than put the central heating on this time round.

I have today submitted a meter reading and it showed I had used £37 pounds worth since my last reading. More is a pity I did not screenshot the price even though I have proof I submitted a reading online (screenshot below) which should reflect the current prices and anyone reading this would be able to agree on the current price of Gas as of the 29th of September 2022. Under the current energy price cap of £1,971, a typical UK household pays 7p per kilowatt hour for gas and 28p per kWh for electricity

Energy price cap: How much is electricity and gas per kwh? | Metro News

So if they try to scam me as they have done before, (Yes I have documented evidence of that) I will report them once again to the ombudsman where my case is still ongoing. I do not trust British Gas as far as I can through them and will NEVER RECOMMEND them to anyone.

Here is their estimated usage forecast which equates to a 45% increase:

Now let’s do the maths if my current usage as of 29/09/22 is about £40 per month x 12 months = £480 x 45% increase (£216) = £696 per annum, not £2015.92

I will be damned if they try to bully me into increasing my monthly payment plan and as I spoke to someone today advised me to contact my local MP Jo. Stevens.

Accenture Billing System

There is obviously a fault with the billing system: “Accenture system could have performed at 101 percent efficiency. “British Gas uses bullying and is a threatening company whose call center staff is among the most unpleasant and downright offensive, not to mention seemingly willfully ignorant and obtuse, in the market, and who wouldn’t know the meaning of customer management if you were to spell it out on their reply prompt screens“. Citation – https://www.mycustomer.com/marketing/technology/british-gas-what-difference-would-a-working-billing-system-have-made

2008

https://www.computerweekly.com/news/2240085992/British-Gas-sues-Accenture-over-problems-with-billing-system

2017

https://www.standard.co.uk/business/british-gas-fined-ps9-5m-for-failures-in-billing-system-a3448451.html

2022

https://www.thisismoney.co.uk/money/bills/article-10390767/Energy-bill-woes-pile-Complaints-overcharging-soar.html

https://www.moneysavingexpert.com/news/2022/04/british-gas-app-usage/

https://www.chroniclelive.co.uk/news/cost-of-living/warning-british-gas-glitch-leaves-23759085

https://www.mycustomer.com/marketing/technology/british-gas-what-difference-would-a-working-billing-system-have-made

DIRECT DEBITS

I feel for the people on direct debit who will be paying for over-estimated prices. Imagine how much interest the British Gas bank account will accumulate from their inaccurate estimations. It will be interesting how quickly they will refund you the money when they realize their error. Will they refund the interest they have earned and you have lost where the money could have been in your bank account, rather than in theirs? You will not see a penny extra mark my words.

There is another post coming shortly regarding the ombudsman which I have appealed their decision. How they responded will shock you and I plan to share my proof and findings with mind.org.uk

I will interlink once the article has been published here.

Final Notes From the Editor.

The billing system should not be based on the previous usage, the world is changing and so is our energy usage, with most of us using as little energy as we can. Companies should be fined for being heavy-handed with customers.

#britishgas #costofliving #energyprices #pricehikes #directdebits #stress #intimidation #directdebits

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