Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD)
Obsessive-compulsive disorder is a neurological mental health anxiety disorder where a person may have irrational compulsive and often debilitating recurring thoughts and behaviors that they cannot control.
The main symptoms of obsessive-compulsive disorder are unpleasant thoughts and repetitive behaviors, which a person cannot control. Obsessive-compulsive disorder is usually treated with therapy and medication.
Different Types of OCD are:
- Contamination / Mental Contamination
- Symmetry and ordering
- Ruminations / Intrusive Thoughts
- Hair Pulling (Trichotillomania)
- Self Harming
For me, I find it difficult to touch things other people have touched before me. I also do not like being touched by anyone, hugs, kisses, shaking hands, and patting on the shoulder back, arm, are all out of the question.
I cannot sit on a chair that someone else has sat on especially in public. I cannot touch door handles.
Since the pandemic, I have not left my home to go out to any public places.
If I have to touch the outer packaging of food for example I use disposable gloves. When I meet and greet couriers and delivery drivers it is with disposable gloves.
“I cannot have anyone touch my personal possessions or contaminate the quarantined area of my home. I cannot bear to be touched”. I cannot stand people standing too close to me and with the Covid Regulations that is a blessing in disguise for me.
I am researching neuroplasticity and hypnosis as this has never been offered to me in the 38 years I have suffered from OCD.
I will use myself as the subject matter (patient). Obviously, my journey is a long one and what I learn will not be overnight but with what I learn I will share to help others like me.
My first experience of personal OCD was when my banker boyfriend’s parents who were middle-classed looked down on me because I came from a working-class and foreign eastern european background and his mother saying and I quote “you can find someone better than my son” when our relationship was breaking down. I remember his mother insisting I ate more and have second helpings in order to fatten me up for the slaughter.
I started to feel if I washed my hands and avoided certain things I could salvage my relationship with my boyfriend. I was afraid I was not pretty, clever, or rich enough for him and his family.
They judged me rather than supported me.
I was on the verge of a mental breakdown and when the relationship ended I started to avoid mentioning his name, this was another OCD trait avoiding certain words or numbers.
What was the icing on the cake which made me realize it was not me it was him was when he invited me over to his house, unaware he was engaged to be married and whilst his fiance was not around and all the engagement cards were on the mantlepiece and he tried to make a sexual move on me and with my head up high I asked him to call a taxi for me and I made sure he never saw me again.
I blame my ex and his family for the start of my OCD somewhat 38 years ago and how I was treated by them all. As life has progressed and more trauma has come into my life the worse my OCD has got to the stage thinking I will never be able to get rid of it…
“Hopefully whilst I do my experiment on myself through self-help therapy I will be able to write a new chapter, I know it will not be an overnight success and I will do it at my own pace without any pressure.”. All I will say is watch this space! I will keep you posted in my online journal.
Below are some thought-provoking videos which I thought maybe useful to someone.