Never Take Your Parents for Granted, A Personal Story and a Reminder

Disclaimer: This article is written from personal experience and is intended for informational and awareness purposes only. It is not a substitute for medical, mental health, or professional advice. If you have concerns about an elderly parent or loved one, always seek professional medical guidance and consider reaching out to local support services for additional help.

Cherishing the Time We Have

Parents are the backbone of our lives. They nurture us, support us, and love us unconditionally. Yet, as we grow older and build our own lives, it is easy to forget that our parents will not be with us forever. When one partner passes away, the other is often left behind to navigate loneliness—something many parents will never openly admit. As children, it is our duty to recognise the signs, take action, and ensure they do not feel abandoned.

My Personal Story

Both of my parents have passed, and their loss still feels like yesterday. When my father died, my mother was left living alone while I lived nearly 200 miles away. Though I phoned her every day, one week stood out as different. Our normally long conversations were unusually short. Something in my heart told me she wasn’t herself.

The last time I spoke to her was a Thursday evening. When I tried to call again on Friday, the phone rang endlessly. My gut told me something was wrong. I contacted her friend, then her neighbours, and even my brother, who brushed it off, saying she was probably out. But I knew she wasn’t.

By evening, a neighbour confirmed the house was in darkness and the morning papers were still in the letterbox. I called the police for a welfare check. Later, a woman answered my mother’s phone; it was a WPC. They had forced entry, and paramedics were working on her. She was alive, but unconscious.

At the hospital, I learned she had suffered a stroke and a brain haemorrhage. She was in a coma, her brain covered in blood. Even if she survived, the doctors said, she would never be the same.

In those last days, I tried to keep her comfortable, cooling her down with cold towels, praying by her side, and watching tears roll down her face. It was the last connection I had with her.

If I could turn back time, I would never have left her alone. But she wanted me to focus on giving my daughter a better future, which she has now achieved with a Master’s degree. I know my parents and my late brother would be proud. Still, their loss left a void in my heart that has never healed.

Why We Should Not Take Parents for Granted

This experience taught me the hardest of lessons: never assume our parents will always be there. Time is fragile, and when it is gone, regrets weigh heavily on us. We must be present, proactive, and compassionate while we still can.

Recognising Loneliness in Parents

Loneliness is often hidden behind small talk or silence. Parents may not admit they are struggling, but there are subtle signs: shorter conversations, a lack of enthusiasm, avoidance of discussing how they feel, or changes in routine.

Telltale Signs of a Lonely Elderly Person

Withdrawal from conversations: They speak less on the phone or cut conversations short.
Loss of interest: Hobbies, social activities, or TV shows they once enjoyed no longer appeal to them.
Changes in routine: Skipping meals, irregular sleeping patterns, or neglecting daily habits.
Neglected appearance: Wearing the same clothes repeatedly or not paying attention to personal hygiene.
Home environment decline: Housework, bills, or general upkeep may start to slip.
Increased health complaints: More frequent mentions of aches, pains, or feeling unwell without medical explanation.
Overemphasis on small ailments: A minor issue may feel magnified, signalling they want attention or care.
Unusual irritability or mood swings: Loneliness can sometimes show as frustration, anger, or sudden sadness.
Reluctance to admit loneliness: They may insist they’re “fine” but their tone feels flat or defensive.
Reduced communication: Phone calls, texts, or letters become less frequent, or they wait for you to initiate contact.
Reliance on TV or radio for company: Devices may be left on all day just to fill the silence.
Frequent reminiscing: Talking often about the past, sometimes with longing, as a way of filling present gaps.
Declining physical health: Loneliness can lead to poor nutrition, lack of exercise, or worsening conditions.
Increased dependence on neighbours or strangers: Reaching out more to casual acquaintances for small tasks.
Gut instinct: As someone close, you may just feel something isn’t right, even if they say otherwise.

Practical Ways to Support Parents

Here are some ways you can ease the burden and help parents feel less alone:

Call regularly and with intent: Don’t rush conversations. Ask meaningful questions.
Visit often: Even a short visit can brighten their day.
Encourage social connections: Help them reconnect with old friends or join local clubs.
Set up technology: Teach them how to use video calls, smart devices, or social apps.
Check in with neighbours: Build a local support network so someone nearby can keep an eye out.
Help with daily tasks: Groceries, doctor’s appointments, and chores can be difficult when alone.
Celebrate milestones: Don’t wait for holidays. Create small moments of joy often.
Listen without distraction: Sometimes they just want to be heard.
Share your life with them: Photos, updates, and stories help them feel included.
Encourage legacy building: Suggest that your parents write their life story to leave behind for future generations. If they cannot write, record your phone calls (with their permission) and later transcribe them. This becomes a family treasure.
Trust your instincts: If something feels wrong, act on it immediately.

Final Thoughts

Life is fragile. Parents are not eternal, though their love feels like it. My story is a painful reminder that loneliness can creep silently into our parents’ lives, and sometimes, we only realise when it’s too late. Let us honour them while they are still here, by being present, listening deeply, encouraging them to share their legacy, and never taking them for granted.

You could try transcribing your parents’ life story yourself, turning their memories into a written narrative. If that feels overwhelming, you can hire a professional writer to help capture their voice and experiences. Some families even choose to go a step further by publishing the story, creating a lasting book that future generations can hold in their hands as a tribute and legacy.