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Month: December 2020 (Page 1 of 2)

What is Anxiety

What is Anxiety.

Believe it or not everyone suffers from Anxiety at some point in their lives. It is the most NORMAL psychological feeling anyone can have.

However, when a person regularly feels disproportionate levels of anxiety, it may be due to an underlying condition in which it becomes a mental health disorder.

Anxiety disorders are categorised through medical health diagnoses that can lead to excessive nervousness, fear, apprehension, and worry.

For example I am suffering with anxiety today, the lack of reassurance and with no support system in place to tell me everything will be ok is causing me to over think and worry.

I have no motivation and my concentration levels are easily broken by distracted intrusive thoughts. The persisting feeling of uncertainty and what my landlord is planning to do or not do is making me very ill right now.

Yes I know I can report my landlord for not doing his job properly but with that there is a domino effect, a consequence to an action and I do not want to risk loosing my home. I also do not want court battles etc as I have no energy. I need to stay focused which is the most important thing in my life, my business.

I do take medication but I only take it about an hour before I go to sleep as I do not want to feel zonked out and drowsy during the day.

I live on Monster White Ultra Energy Drinks to keep me awake.

Anxiety Mental Health disorders alter how a person processes thought and emotions. Mild anxiety might be unoticeable to an onlooker yet still might be unsettling to the sufferer, whilst severe anxiety may cause serious psychological problems where the sufferer may show obvious signs which affect their day-to-day living.

Anxiety disorders affects over 40 million people in the United States alone. In 2013, there were 8.2 million cases of anxiety in the UK. In England women are almost twice as likely to be diagnosed with anxiety disorders as to men (Men have difficulty asking for help). However there are many people that fall through the cracks and are left untreated. People who suffer with anxiety are more prone to turning to alcohol or substance abuse such as recreational drugs etc to relieve the build up of tension.

We first need to recognise the difference between normal feelings of anxiety and an anxiety disorder requiring medical attention.

When an sufferer faces potentially harmful or worrying triggers, these feelings of anxiety are not only normal but necessary for survival.

The feeling of anxiety causes a rush of adrenalin, a hormone and chemical messenger in the brain, which in turn triggers these anxious reactions in a process called the “fight-or-flight’ response. These alarms become noticeable in the form of a raised heartbeat (palpitations), sweating, and increased sensitivity to surroundings.

From as early on as stoneage we have adapted a protection mechanism whereby running from large animals and imminent danger caused us to have feelings of anxiety. As humans we have evolved and our surrounding have changed, we may not be in danger from the animal kingdom but more so from a concrete jungle. Anxieties now revolve around work, money, family life, health, and other pressing issues that demand a person’s attention without necessarily requiring the ‘fight-or-flight’ reaction.

People are more aware about the dangers surrounding them yet insecurities do play an active role that allows the sufferer to bring up barriers which is essential to our survival. Anxiety of being involved in a road traffic accident for example will make the sufferer be more vigilant and careful whilst driving.

The sufferer may develop physical symptoms, such as increased blood pressure and nausea and headaches.

The APA The American Psychological Association defines a person with anxiety disorder as “having recurring intrusive thoughts.” Once the sufferer experiences anxiety reaching this stage of a disorder, it can may well interfere with day to day ability to function properly and will need medical attention.

Symptoms

The symptoms of generalized anxiety disorder (GAD) will often include the following:

  • a feeling of restlessness or being “on-edge”
  • a feeling of uncontrollable worry
  • a feeling of insecurities
  • a feeling of agitation
  • a feeling of intense anger
  • a feeling of little or no patience and increased irritability
  • a feeling of little or no concentration
  • a problem sleeping, such as insomnia or the polar opposite of wanting to sleep all day
  • a feeling of hopelessness and that nothing matters any more
  • the lack of motivation
  • the lack of energy
  • stop taking care of themselves and may engage in risky behavior.
  • withdraw or isolate themselves from other people

Whilst these symptoms can manifest with the best of us not all of us can cope as well as we should.

If the symptoms persist and linger, it may be time to talk it over with your GP. No one should suffer in silence.

More Reading: https://www.apa.org/topics/holiday-stress

Final Thoughts.

Whilst I am suffering because of uncertainties in my life, I am grateful I have medication to help me sleep. I do not keep alcohol in my home as that is a recipe for disaster. I have learnt that although I am not an alcoholic and never have been, I do not trust myself when I am not in a controlled state. Sometimes drinking can even influence the anxiety to the extreme.

I would advise anyone experiencing axienty issues to consult their local doctor.

For me I will just have to confront my anxiety head on whenever that time will be and prepare myself for a worst case scenario. The prolonged feeling and uncertainty is the worst of not knowing what is going to happen.

I have only landlord and the pat testing electricians to blame for this, as my landlord should have had made sure the kitchen was safe to use, considering he had pat testing at the beginning part of the year. You would think that the company knew what they were doing but I can find faults in all the work they did and will doing my own report as evidence.

As a foot note from my own personal experience try to occupy your mind with something else other than what is troubling you. Watch a film or a documentary. Do an online course or read a book or take up a hobby like blogging, painting, photography or baking etc.

Although I am fortunate to own several blogs and in a way it is therapy for me, I still am battling my inner demons and can’t wait to confront the one person that is making me feel this way. I am not going to harrass him with endless text messages, he received a message and email from me so I have done my part. Seeing as he chose to ignore me it just says what type of human being he is aswell as what kind of landlord.

AMAZON BOOK STORE

Fear – What is Fear.

What is Fear And How Can we Deal With It.

Fear is an emotion that is natural, powerful, and primitive. It involves a universal biochemical response as well as a high individual emotional response.

Fear notifies us of the perceived presence of danger or the threat of harm, whether that danger is physical or psychological.

Fear is related to Phobia’s and Anxiety.

The difference between fear and a phobia lies in the normality of fear, versus the abnormal features of a phobia. Phobias are characterized by:

  • Persistent fear, despite being presented with evidence that the fear is unfounded
  • Exposure elicits intense fear and anxiety, sometimes even a panic attack
  • Irrational and unreasonable fear
  • The affected individual recognizes that the fear is unfounded and excessive (except in young children)
  • Powerlessness to control the intense fear

The distinction between a fear and a phobia can blur with small children. Childhood fears are a normal part of development. However, unlike phobias, normal childhood fears involve an ordinary fear response, have a minimal effect on daily function and revolves as the child matures.

Treatment is only required for childhood fears if they significantly impair function, cause unduly severe fear and anxiety, or persist despite the child’s development; in other words, if they cross the line and become phobias.

https://www.therecoveryvillage.com/mental-health/phobias/related/fear-vs-phobia/

Top List of Fears

1. Fear that we could loose our job

2. Fear we may loose our life partner (husband, wife, boyfrind, girlfriend)

3. Fear of never being good enough

4. Fear we may get into debt

5. Fear we may loose our homes

6. Fear we may become homeless

7. Fear we may become fat

8. Fear we may never find a job

9. Fear of Getting Fat

10. Fear of not passing an exam

11. Fear of being a failure

12 Fear we may never find a partner, anyone to date or live with

13. Fear of being lonely

14. Fear of not making friends

15. Fear of loosing a baby

16. Fear of loosing your children

17). Fear of being assaulted

18). Fear of being raped

19. Fear of being burgled

20. Fear of loosing everything

21. Fear of never succeeding

22. Fear of change

23. Fear of Contracting a Disease

24. Fear of Dying

25. Fear of not being attractive.

Top 100 Phobia List

These are the top 100 phobias in the world, with the most common ones listed from the top. You can click on each phobia to learn about causes, symptoms and treatments.

  1. Arachnophobia – The fear of spiders affects women four times more (48% women and 12% men).
  2. Ophidiophobia – The fear of snakes. Phobics avoid certain cities because they have more snakes.
  3. Acrophobia – The fear of heights. Five percent of the general population suffer from this phobia.
  4. Agoraphobia – The fear of open or crowded spaces. People with this fear often wont leave home.
  5. Cynophobia – The fear of dogs. This includes everything from small Poodles to large Great Danes.
  6. Astraphobia – The fear of thunder/lightning AKA Brontophobia, Tonitrophobia, Ceraunophobia.
  7. Claustrophobia – The fear of small spaces like elevators, small rooms and other enclosed spaces.
  8. Mysophobia – The fear of germs. It is also rightly termed as Germophobia or Bacterophobia.
  9. Aerophobia – The fear of flying. 25 million Americans share a fear of flying.
  10. Trypophobia – The fear of holes is an unusual but pretty common phobia.
  11. Carcinophobia – T he fear of cancer. People with this develop extreme diets.
  12. Thanatophobia – The fear of death. Even talking about death can be hard.
  13. Glossophobia – The fear of public speaking. Not being able to do speeches.
  14. Monophobia – The fear of being alone. Even while eating and/or sleeping.
  15. Atychiphobia – The fear of failure. It is the single greatest barrier to success.
  16. Ornithophobia – The fear of birds. Individuals suffering from this may only fear certain species.
  17. Alektorophobia – The fear of chickens. You may have this phobia if chickens make you panic.
  18. Enochlophobia – The fear of crowds is closely related to Ochlophobia and Demophobia.
  19. Aphenphosmphobia – The fear of intimacy. Fear of being touched and love.
  20. Trypanophobia – The fear of needles. I used to fear needles (that and death).
  21. Anthropophobia – The fear of people. Being afraid of people in all situations.
  22. Aquaphobia – The fear of water. Being afraid of water or being near water.
  23. Autophobia – The fear of abandonment and being abandoned by someone.
  24. Hemophobia – The fear of blood. Even the sight of blood can cause fainting.
  25. Gamophobia – The fear of commitment or sticking with someone to the end.
  26. Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia – The fear of long words. Believe it or not, it’s real.
  27. Xenophobia – The fear of the unknown. Fearing anything or anyone that is strange or foreign.
  28. Vehophobia – The fear of driving. This phobia affects personal and work life.
  29. Basiphobia – The fear of falling. Some may even refuse to walk or stand up.
  30. Achievemephobia – The fear of success. The opposite to the fear of failure.
  31. Theophobia – The fear of God causes an irrational fear of God or religion.
  32. Ailurophobia – The fear of cats. This phobia is also known as Gatophobia.
  33. Metathesiophobia – The fear of change. Sometimes change is a good thing.
  34. Globophobia – The fear of balloons. They should be fun, but not for phobics.
  35. Nyctophobia – The fear of darkness. Being afraid of the dark or the night is common for kids.
  36. Androphobia – The fear of men. Usually seen in younger females, but it can also affect adults.
  37. Phobophobia – The fear of fear. The thought of being afraid of objects/situations.
  38. Philophobia – The fear of love. Being scared of falling in love or emotions.
  39. Triskaidekaphobia – The fear of the number 13 or the bad luck that follows.
  40. Emetophobia – The fear of vomiting and the fear of loss of your self control.
  41. Gephyrophobia – The fear of bridges and crossing even the smallest bridge.
  42. Entomophobia – The fear of bugs and insects, also related to Acarophobia.
  43. Lepidopterophobia – The fear of butterflies and often most winged insects.
  44. Panophobia – The fear of everything or fear that terrible things will happen.
  45. Podophobia – The fear of feet. Some people fear touching or looking at feet, even their own.
  46. Paraskevidekatriaphobia – The fear of Friday the 13th. About 8% of Americans have this phobia.
  47. Somniphobia – The fear of sleep. Being terrified of what might happen right after you fall asleep.
  48. Gynophobia – The fear of women. May occur if you have unresolved mother issues.
  49. Apiphobia – The fear of bees. Many people fear being stung by angry bees.
  50. Koumpounophobia – The fear of buttons. Clothes with buttons are avoided.
  51. Anatidaephobia – The fear of ducks. Somewhere, a duck is watching you.
  52. Pyrophobia – The fear of fire. A natural/primal fear that can be debilitating.
  53. Ranidaphobia – The fear of frogs. Often caused by episodes from childhood.
  54. Galeophobia – The fear of sharks in the ocean or even in swimming pools.
  55. Athazagoraphobia – The fear of being forgotten or not remembering things.
  56. Katsaridaphobia – The fear of cockroaches. This can easily lead to an excessive cleaning disorder.
  57. Iatrophobia – The fear of doctors. Do you delay doctor visits? You may have this.
  58. Pediophobia – The fear of dolls. This phobia could well be Chucky-induced.
  59. Ichthyophobia – The fear of fish. Includes small, large, dead and living fish.
  60. Achondroplasiaphobia – The fear of little people. As they look differently.
  61. Mottephobia – The fear of moths. These insects are only beautiful to some.
  62. Zoophobia – The fear of animals. Applies to both vile and harmless animals.
  63. Bananaphobia – The fear of bananas. If you have this phobia, they are scary.
  64. Sidonglobophobia – The fear of cotton balls or plastic foams. Oh that sound.
  65. Scelerophobia – The fear of crime involves being afraid of burglars, attackers or crime in general.
  66. Cibophobia – The fear of food. The phobia may come from a bad episode while eating, like choking.
  67. Phasmophobia – The fear of ghosts. AKA Spectrophobia. Who you gonna call? Ghostbusters!
  68. Equinophobia – The fear of horses. Animal phobias are pretty common, especially for women.
  69. Musophobia – The fear of mice. Some people find mice cute, but phobics don’t.
  70. Catoptrophobia – The fear of mirrors. Being afraid of what you might see.
  71. Agliophobia – The fear of pain. Being afraid something painful will happen.
  72. Tokophobia – The fear of pregnancy involves giving birth or having children.
  73. Telephonophobia – The fear of talking on the phone. Phobics prefer texting.
  74. Pogonophobia – The fear of beards or being scared of/around bearded men.
  75. Omphalophobia – The fear of belly buttons. Touching and looking at navels.
  76. Pseudodysphagia – The fear of choking often after a bad eating experience.
  77. Bathophobia – The fear of depths can be anything associated with depth (lakes, tunnels, caves).
  78. Cacomorphobia – The fear of fat people. Induced by the media. Affects some anorexics/bulimics.
  79. Gerascophobia – The fear of getting old. Aging is the most natural thing, yet many of us fear it.
  80. Chaetophobia – The fear of hair. Phobics tend to be afraid of other peoples hair.
  81. Nosocomephobia – The fear of hospitals. Let’s face it, no one likes hospitals.
  82. Ligyrophobia – The fear of loud noises. More than the instinctive noise fear.
  83. Didaskaleinophobia – The fear of school. This phobia affects kids mostly.
  84. Technophobia – The fear of technology is often induced by culture/religion.
  85. Chronophobia – The fear of the future. A persistent fear of what is to come.
  86. Spheksophobia – The fear of wasps. You panic and fear getting stung by it.
  87. Ergophobia – The fear of work. Often due to social or performance anxiety.
  88. Coulrophobia – The fear of clowns. Some people find clowns funny, coulrophobics certainly don’t.
  89. Allodoxaphobia – The fear of opinions. Being afraid of hearing what others are thinking of you.
  90. Samhainophobia – The fear of Halloween affects children/superstitious people.
  91. Photophobia – The fear of light caused by something medical or traumatic.
  92. Disposophobia – The fear of getting rid of stuff triggers extreme hoarding.
  93. Numerophobia – The fear of numbers and the mere thought of calculations.
  94. Ombrophobia – The fear of rain. Many fear the rain due to stormy weather.
  95. Coasterphobia – The fear of roller coasters. Ever seen Final Destination 3?
  96. Thalassophobia – The fear of the ocean. Water, waves and unknown spaces.
  97. Scoleciphobia – The fear of worms. Often because of unhygienic conditions.
  98. Kinemortophobia – The fear of zombies. Being afraid that zombies attack and turn you into them.
  99. Myrmecophobia – The fear of ants. Not as common as Arachnophobia, but may feel just as intense.
  100. Taphophobia – The fear of being buried alive by mistake and waking up in a coffin underground.

Fear is an intrusive thought that we battle within our heads when we feel insecure. Fear is the figment of our imagination. If we can visualise a traumatic event we may start to believe it may happen and our brain sends signals for us to be on guard.

Fear is related to anxiety and is a psychological, physiological, and behavioral state induced in animals and humans by a threat to well-being or survival, either actual or potential. Fear is characterized by increased arousal, expectancy, autonomic and neuroendocrine activation, and specific behavior patterns. Our behavioural patterns to changes is the facilitation of a coping mechanism where we are in a situation whereby it may be adverse or unexpected. Pathological anxiety interferes with our ability to cope successfully with life challenges. Vulnerability to psychopathology appears to be a consequence of predisposing factors (or traits), which result from numerous gene-environment interactions during development (particularly during the perinatal period) and experience (life events), in this review, the biology of fear and anxiety will be examined from systemic (brain-behavior relationships, neuronal circuitry, and functional neuroanatomy) and cellular/molecular (neurotransmitters, hormones, and other biochemical factors) points of view, with particular reference to animal models. These models have been instrumental in establishing the biological correlates of fear and anxiety, although the recent development of noninvasive investigation methods in humans, such as the various neuroimaging techniques, certainly opens new avenues of research in this field. Our current knowledge of the biological bases of fear and anxiety is already impressive, and further progress toward models or theories integrating contributions from the medical, biological, and psychological sciences can be expected.

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3181681/

FINAL NOTES

I have my own fears and anxieties and even if i shared them with you it would not help me. I need to find the strength within me to overcome my anxiety, fear and vulnerabilities. Everyone at some point in their lives feels insecure and scared.

I am working on overcoming my fears by writing my thoughts. I also within my writing am building a portfolio of ammunition that I can use if my fears actually materialise.

Do try to face your fears, write them down if you have to or tell someone. Do not keep your fears festering inside as nothing good will come out of it if you.

I try to stay positive as best I can even if the world is throwing boulders at me. I know I will overcome my obstacles and try not to digress on the the bad things that have happened and try to move on at best I can when i am not at my lowest.

On a scale of 1 being fine and 20 being really bad I am 20 plus.

In the last seven days my emotions have taken a battering, and I am anxious and depressed, so it may take me some time to get myself out of this dark place that I am in, no thanks to three entities that have ruined Christmas for me.

Stay safe and speak soon.

Domino Effect.

THE DOMINO EFFECT.

A domino effect is a sequence of events that you have no control over and by setting off one thing you will set off a series of events caused by the consequences of your actions known as a chain reaction.

The term is best known as a mechanical movement and is used as an analogy to a falling row of dominoes. It is best described as to a linked sequence of events where the scenario plays out and is caused from one direct incident causing another incident in a short space of time.

It can be used literally or metaphorically. The term domino effect is used both to imply that an event is inevitable or highly likely (as it has already started to happen), and conversely to imply that an event is impossible or highly unlikely (the one domino left standing).

Demonstration of the effect

The domino effect can easily be visualized by placing a row of dominoes upright, each separated by a small distance. Upon pushing the first domino, the next domino in line will be knocked over, and so on, thus firing a linear chain in which each domino’s fall is triggered by the domino immediately preceding it.

The effect is the same regardless of the length of the chain. The energy used in this chain reaction is the potential energy of the dominoes due to them being in a meta-stable state; when the first domino is toppled, the energy transferred by the fall is greater than the energy needed to knock over the following domino, and so on.

The domino effect is exploited in Rube Goldberg machines.

The domino effect amongst people who suffer with fear, anxiety, depression and mental health can make the individual spiral out of control. This can in some case be life threatening. A consequence to someone elses reaction of a decision one person made can lead to mental health problems.

The domino effect regardless of the circumstances is the direct cause of one person.

One person can cause catastrophic chain of events just by their actions.

Seeing as Covid-19 is soaring out of control we need to break things down. If everything was sterile and sanitised before person (a) gave something to person (b) this would start to slow down the virus. But people like sharing. People lick envelopes and stamps and spread their saliva dna from their fingers to the paper which then gets handled by several people before it reaches its final destination.

But imagine the scenario person (a) unawre they are the carrier of the virus touched something and then passed it on to person (b) you have potentially started a domino effect.

Not every one is going to sterilise their homes before connecting with another person.

Here is another scenario and you cannot drum this enough into young people that they will not listen or take note, just because you have a set of rules there is an element of risk that these rules will be broken. Just because you say do not socialise or meet other people from outside your household does not mean this is set in concrete. People who want to meet other will, “catch me if you can” will be their excuse.

If on the other hand you showed something that would shock the world only then would they start sterilising and staying at home. If you showed people dying from the virus people would be less likely to taking risks. However people take risks all the time and unless you tagged everyone there is no way of keeping people in if they do not want to stay in.

In my post I mention the domino effect from personal experiences.

Consider the consequences of your actions next time you offend or upset someone.

Christmas Stress Due to Depression & OCD

Christmas Stress Due to Depression and OCD.

As most of you know I suffer with Depression and OCD. I have good days and bad days and this last week has made my illnesses sky rocket.

Had the electricians that did Pat Testing the begining part of the year done their jobs properly and seen that the cooker sockets where inside the hot zone that they should have corrected it.

However because they did not do this, this has created a domino effect when one thing happens after another due to consequences of peoples actions. Now as you know my cooker arrived which I paid for (more fool me) seeing as I have never had a cooker change in the last 24 years of living at my rented residence, you would have thought the landlord would be happy. I told him I was buying a cooker months ago but conveniently he has forgotten.

So to add insult to injury it has been a week since the cooker was delivered and it is still not been installed.

I was told my landlord would turn up on Saturday then at near enough Midnight he text me to say he would be coming Monday or Tuesday (No Show) so I text him yesterday and asked if he was coming today this was a hours ago and so far he has ignored me.

You have to also know what type of landlord he is, I reported another fault in March of this year and he only had it fixed in December so you can imagine the pace he goes.

The chain reaction of events has caused me to to go into severe depression and I am in a very dark place at the moment (This is now my landlords fault for making me feel like this as he was the last straw, the straw that broke the camels back to speak).

This is the main factor of my depression at the moment.

But there are additional factors whereby because I am disabled I have a disabled sticker on my wheelie refuse bin, so all the wheelie bins on the street were emptied apart from mine and I checked with the council and there was no reason why my bin was not emptied so my rubbish will pile up for another two weeks in which keeping rubbish in my home is against health and safety and I do not want to attract mice.

I have had problems with mice before and when my neighbour lived down stairs with her cats we had no mice but the moment she left we ended having a mice problems.

I took it upon myself to allow my daughter to have a kitten who is now 1 yr 6 months years old it was supposed to be also good for her Multiple Sclerosis therapy and is an eco friendly mice deterrent.

Now when my landlord came about 6 months ago just before the first lockdown to inspect the property he mentioned nothing about the cat but because I have essentially caused him to loose money because of this cooker installation he has now said he can smell cat urine on the entrance of the flat and up our staircase and that he will need to buy a new carpet.

This is his way to scamming me as he will buy a cheap carpet and charge me through the roof for changing it. He will have to pay me back for the cooker in that case…..touché.

He scammed me once before by changing the dates of when the rent was due by asking for the rent two weeks after I paid my monthly rent and then moved the rent forward by a month essentially got 6 weeks rent in one month.

“Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me fool me three times I will publically shame you”, (although he fooled me once he won’t be fooling me again).

These are very challenging times for me and only I can get through this, but I still can blame people for making me feel the way I do.

To top it all I phoned the retailer yesterday to see where my refund was seeing as I had waited five working days and they said there was a ‘system error’ and I have to wait a further five working days.

If I treated my customers the way Blue Chip Companies treat theirs, I would most certainlynot have any business left.

No consideration for peoples mental health.

Famous People Suffer With Mental Health.

It just shows even famous A-Listers have demons that they fight with in their heads.

I wrote a post why people do not care and now I can prove the point.

FINAL THOUGHTS!

For me to be treated by my landlord like a third rate citizen is unforgivable and down right, ignorant and rude with no apology absolutely nothing.

If he was too ill he could have got his assistant to message me, rather than blank me altogether.

Out of courtesy I would have if I were in his shoes been more transparent, just shows the difference in class of people we are.

My landlord has now caused me to sink into a deep well of depression”.

Because he owns the property he thinks he is better than me.

I on the other hand see it as cheap rent and somewhere to sleep.

I certainly would not call it home.

One day the tables will be turned and he will wish he treated me differently.

“Show respect and you will earn respect”

Sorry if I have ranted on about myself but I find writing my thoughts is a bit like therapy, I am releasing the tension and the anger and sharing it with you.

I am not bothering to contact my landlord again and will see how long it takes him to show his face.

As a paying tenant I have a right to have a cooker and if I was trying to do him a favour I can essentially insist he re-imburses me including all the takeouts and persished food, not to mention PTSD and compensation for work I could essentially loose because I am too ill to work because of his antics and his cowboy contractors.

“On a scale of 1 feeling fine and 20 feeling really low I am 20 plus at the moment and am feeling extremely anxoious as to my Landlords next move. I personally do not know how he can face me again seeing he ruined my Christmas and I am subjected to takeout every day at an average cost of £30 per day as I have no other means of cooking”.

https://www.jmw.co.uk/services-for-you/personal-injury/compensation-calculator/head-injury/post-traumatic-stress-disorder

What is Etiquette (Good Manners).

What is Etiquette (Good Manners).

Etiquette is an ethical code of good manners adapted from personal behaviour. It is a set of conventional rules in high society, that delineates the expected and accepted social behaviors that are observed by polite soicety as conventions and norms within a social class, or a social group.

Etiquette is a form of dencency it differentiates us as humans between people with good manners as opposed to bad.

Etiquette is taught by our parents. If the parent is bad mannered so will their children copy. If a parent uses vulgar language a small child not knowing the difference between right and wrong will follow suit.

Sigmund Freud once said “It is impossible to overlook the extent to which civilization is built upon a renunciation of instinct,”.

Etiquette is a set of rules that tell others how well mannered we are. Phoning or texting someone you hardly know at an hour when people are about to go to sleep is bad manners and is not the done thing to do. Not turning up when promised knowing something needs urgent attention is downright rude. Not letting the person know by txt, email or phone that is counting on you to turn up is a disgrace.

Here are 60 things we should know about being well mannered.

  1. When you enter a room, always say hello do not wait for someone to say hello to you first.
  2. When shaking hands keep direct eye contact with the person in front of you, grasp their hand firmly but not painfully, shake for one or two pumps (no more!), and shine a royal smile (Because of the coronavirus covid-19 regulations shaking hands is forbidden , although fist bumps were accepted ubtil we had to socially distance ourselves from other people).
  3. If you enter a room full of strangers wait untill you are invited to sit down. The same applies if you go to your boss’s office or an interview always wait to be told to sit down.
  4. If you are at a table with a small group of guests, always wait until everyone is seated and served and for the host to begin eating before you start.
  5. Keep all belongings off the table and turn your phone on silent.
  6. If you happen to need to go to the bathroom whilst you are still seated at a dinner table do not just get up and go, do excuse yourself first.
  7. The proper way to hold knives is on the right hand and forks on the left with the tines facing down. Instead of stabbing food, balance the food on back of the fork, then bring it to your mouth and eat small bites and never gulp your food down as if it was some sort of race, savour each mouthful. Enjoy your food.
  8. When finishing your meal put your knife and fork at the 16.20 hrs position. Do not leave your knife and fork open or crossed as this may mean you have not finished your course.
  9. Learn to use your cutlery by working from the outside inwards, accordignto the course being served.
  10. If you are not drinking alcohol put your two fingers over the glass to guard any liquid and politely say “no thank you”.
  11. If you’re eating and want to take a sip from a glass, dab your mouth with your napkin to avoid staining the rim of the glass. No one wants to see the residue imprint of the food you have consumed.
  12. When condiments are not within reach do ask politely to have someone pass them over never lean forward a grab it yourself. Grabbing a bowl of salad or a saltshaker as it’s being passed to someone who asked for it is the equivalent of cutting in line: greedy and rude. The same goes if you want another slice of bread or a roll, ask first never take.
  13. If there is only one slice of bread or one roll left ask if anyone else wants it before you help yourself. This applies to everything, including biscuits, chocolates or a slice of cake. Be the bigger person.
  14. The correct way to drink a cup of tea is to use the thumb and index finger to hold the top of the handle, while the middle finger supporting the bottom. Sip from the same spot so the entire rim doesn’t have lipstick stains. If you’re more of a coffee drinke loop your index finger through the handle. When in doubt, NO pinkies out.
  15. Napkins are not just for catching crumbs they are to wipe excess food off ones mouth. Wiping ones mouth and hands at the table is done on the inside of the fold of the napkin to protect the clothes from getting dirty.
  16. If you are a having a business lunch do not ask for a doggy bag if you cannot finish your meal. However on the other hand if you are out with friends and family it is ok to ask to take your food home especially if you have paid for it. It is more polite to ask for a doggy bag rather than wrap it up to go. People of High Society would often bring treats back for their pooches, however times have changed and it is the norm to ask for your food to be wrapped up without giving the game away that the food in reality is for you.
  17. This is more common sense than etiquette: If a guest at your party is drunk, ask him/her discreetly if they would like to lie down, if you can arrange for a taxi or drive them back yourself then even better, or you could offer for them to sleep it off in a spare room or couch never let them drive back drunk or walk home alone.
  18. If you have been invited to a party and it states on the invitation only you and no guest do not make things awkward and ask to bring someone with you. There must be a reason why you were only invited ( It could be a tight budget).
  19. When you are hosting a party and there are presents involved never ask for cash instead state “no gift wrapped presnts please” (yet there will be the odd one that will bring a toaster not wrapped).
  20. When you are invited as a guest to a dinner party or a birthday or any other social event never show up empty handed. Especially if the host is a woman (all women love flowers and all men love a bottles of amber nectre).
  21. Always thank people for their gifts, the more personal the more thought has gone into it, however if you are eco-firendly and do not want to buy thankyou cards you can send emails but never send them in bulk as it looks spammy and may not even land in the recipients inbox, this will be missed all together.
  22. Office etiquette if you are in the office and on speaker phone alert everyone in the room and on the other end that the phone is on louder speaker.
  23. Always close the door when you are making a phone call this make more sense for privacy and eliminates distracting background noises.
  24. Never user the speakerphone in a public area, you do not know who is listening. Don’t talk on mobile phones in a waiting room, checkout lines, restaurants, trains or public toilets. There is a reasonable time and place for this, consider your surroundings.
  25. When phoning someone always ask them “if it is a good time to talk”, never assume they will drip everything for you, arrangea suitable time to talk.
  26. I still believe in chivalry, however now either gender can open doors. I still believe it is well mannered for someone to open a door for you as is the same as you opening a door for them.
  27. If you are in an office environment (ie, Boss’s Office ) only speak when you are spoken to. Always wait for your boss to speak to you first.
  28. If you make plans at home or at work always confirm with the other party and set reminders.
  29. If you are running late, let the other person know (do not leave it to the last minute).
  30. If you say you will be turning up on a certain day give a timescale so that the other party can make adjustments to their day. Do not let leave them wondering what time you will be turning up. (people have lives to lead and are not there at your beckon call).
  31. If you have to cancel a meeting do let the other party know well in advance and not leave it to the very last minute or leave them in the lurch.
  32. When intoducing people for the first time you must address the host first for example “Mrs. CEO, I’d like you to meet the mail guy, Steven.”
  33. If you have to have your private mobile at work set it on airplane mode or silent. That way if you are needed in an emergency you still can be contacted. Never send privaye texts or emails whilst at work or browse the internet on social media platforms. There is a time and place for everything.
  34. When you see someone struggling carrying or lifting something, offer to help.
  35. If you see an older person on a bus offer them your seat.
  36. Always reply to emails of importance especially if someone is asking you something. If you are too buy set an autoresponder and message them when it s more convenient never blank them.
  37. If you have made eye contact with someone and are speaking to them face to face do not break contact to glance to your phone if somone has messaged you or look at your watch.
  38. Keep your personal phone seperate from meetings, work and social events. There is a time and place for gossip and chit chat, choose your options carefully. It is rude to be on a date whilst also looking at your phone, it’s either one or the other it cannot be both unless you are a couple.
  39. When emailing decide who it is you are writing to, if it is to do with work do not send emojis, gifs or colourful fonts or clipart. Be professional.
  40. Never use your private email to send messages relating to work always use an office email.
  41. Always have a signature in the email with your contact details and disclaimer.
  42. Never use capital letters in an email as this is deemed as shouting.
  43. Keep business mesaging text and email within office hours.
  44. If the business is abroad, work out their office hours by GEO Location.
  45. When answering the phone at work the best practice is to say the name of the company followed by your name, such “Good Morning or Good Afternoon Disabled Entrepreneur Renata speaking”.
  46. When leaving voice mails, keep it brief and to the point, state your name, place of business, and number. State why you are calling and then say goodbye.
  47. Whether it is a bus, train, elevator or escalator always allow for people to leave. If you are waiting to enter, queue in an orderly fashion and never push your way in.
  48. If you are walking on a path with someone always have them walk on the inner of the path to you.
  49. If you are walking alone watch out for buiding entrances and crowded areas and do not stop to phone or text in direct line to foot traffic.
  50. If you are in an area that says be quiet respect the rules and if you happen to use head phones make sure no one else can hear the music coming out of them.
  51. When you meet someone for the first time or of importance always take your sun glasses off if you are wearing them do not wear them continuously in front of them as its rude.
  52. If someone offers to buy you a drink offer to buy one back.
  53. If someone keeps buying you takeouts, the least you can do is offer to to chip in (no pun intended) or offer to pay next time. Never continue taking because eventually people will see through you.
  54. Social Media Platforms, you can follow and friend your co-workers but when it comes to busness connections with bosses and potential clients connect via LinkedIn unless you are doing SEO and you want to add their profiles to a SEO Link Wheel, where you happen to manage their pages and market their products and services.
  55. If you own a pet and you take it for walks always clean up their mess. Consider your surroundings and how children may play in the grass your pooch has just pooped in.
  56. Babies this is a sensitive subject and being a mother myself I looked how the Royal Family behave after having newborns in public. You will never see a Royal feed their child in public or change their nappies. So when I witnessed in a restaurant right opposite and in full view of my table a woman breast feeding I somehow was put off. I know breast feeding is the most natural thing in the the world but you won’t see the Royals do it in public, so why should you.? There is a time an place for everything and if your baby needs feeding there are breast pumps on the market for just this event of you having to feed your child out of your comfort zone. Nobody want to see swollen breasts with buldging nipples whilst eating an à la carte dinner, especially if they are entertaining business aassociates. You will never see A-Listers doing it so be respectful in your surorundings
  57. Years ago only blind dogs were allowed in restaurants, but I have noticed that dog owners are alloweed to bring their dogs into these establishements. However one has to think from another perspective some people are allergic to dogs or have ocd flare ups when dogs go near them never mind the smell of a wet dog whilst you are trying to have your meal or pint in peace is off putting to say the least.
  58. If you have dog on a leash keep it short when you are getting too close to people and never say “he/she won’t bite” not everyone is a dog lover so don’t be selfish.
  59. How you sit says all about you, The right way to sit is with a ladies legs crossed at the knee. Legs and knees must be kept together, although crossing at the ankle is fine. A popular pose is called “the duchess slant,” named for the Duchess of Cambridge, Kate Middleton. The position involves keeping keeping knees and ankles tightly together and slanting the legs to the side.
  60. When going for an interview or going to the office one has to look smart and professional, the same goes if you are going to a social gathering like a wedding one has to scrub up well and look a million dollars. People can access you by the clothes you wear. If you wear cheap clothes and do not care about your appearnce people will make their on assumptions about that your are not successful. You need to treat your body like a business and choose your outfits carefully. It used to be said that if a man wore trainers he was not worth much money but nowaday some trainers cost more than designer shoes. Technically speaking you should not judge a book by its cover (Steve Jobs wore a black polo and jeans all his time in Apple). Not everything is as it seems, on the other hand not everything that glitters is gold. When attending formal events the done thing is for women to wear hats although fascinators are also perfectly acceptable.

Final thoughts

Etiquette is not just about table manners it is about how we portray ourselves to others. If our persona is that we think highly of ourselves with no thought to the other person, we in turn will be judged by our actions. If we purposely blank people or do not turn up with not even a text or call to let the other person know, we are then portrayed to be prententious and rude.

Well manner people will have the courtesy to acknowledge another person that have either reached out to them or are waiting on them to act. They simply will not ignore the individual. This has happened to me a few times and certain people who obviously think they are better than me have acted like I do not matter.

It is rude and there is no sugar coating it.

To all the people that have acted like I do not matter well at least I have dignity. I take pride in value peoples feelings and opinions.

‘Don’t do unto others what you don’t want done unto you.’ Confuscious.

I suppose being brought up from a strict background with my father being a Soldier in WWII who fought in the battle of Monte Cassino and later with the British Army, I had it drummed into me from an early age about time keeping and doing things by the book.

I still practice good manners as it is in my nature and do not respect people that have little regard for other people’s feeling.

Do good and God will reward you.

Stay Safe and Happy Holidays.

Christmas Stress.

CHRISTMAS STRESS!

I wrote yesterday on my other blog about appliance retailers not mentioning anything about ‘Hot Spots’, hence this is the reason for my post today. I am ‘Extremely Stressed’ to the point I want to curl up into a ball and cry.

Curl Up In a Ball and Cry.

My brand new cooker was delivered last Thursday, to to date it has not been installed.

Who can I blame, the retailer, the landlord or the incompetent electricians that did pat testing at the beginning of the year or perhaps all three?

My OCD is so guarded I cannot face another soul at the moment and it does not help that I have to wait on my landlord who does not give you a time just turns up whenever he feels like it, with no consideration for my disability or my business.

I am getting extremely anxious as Christmas is only a few days away and it looks at the moment I will be toasting marshmallows over a candle at this rate rather than tucking into a Christmas Dinner.

I am not joking when I say all I will have for Christmas dinner is Cheese & Biscuits at this rate followed by marshmallows for desert.

My landlord has his own illnesses and has not come round because he is unwell. He texts messages me near enough Midnight most days, which I find very rude. Some people do not know about etiquette. You would think he would phone or text at a decent hour.

I could try to find someone to re-wire the electrics and a gas engineer but we are on Lockdown so this is going to be virtually impossible. I could not make this up if I tried.

I am not going to say anything at the moment but if my Christmas is going to be ruined I will shout from the roof tops the incompetent pat testing electricians and make sure they loose business.

How am I going to even be compensated for this?

I really have had enough of everything right now and if I did have any Christmas Spirit it has diminished.

The pat testing electricians never mentioned or did anything about the plug socket which was in the middle of the hot zone at the beginning part of the year.

My landlord should sue the electricians.

They also installed a smoke alarm in every room yet I live in a flat with one floor (so all I needed was one alarm). They ruined the artex ceiling in the living room and when my landlord asked them the other day Thursday to be exact to come out rather than move the socket they covered it up 🤬😡🤬 They even did not check my chandalier which in my opinion is a hazard along with the dimmer switch. Total cowboys…..

My Hot Zone With Sockets Covered Up (Against Safety Regulations) 🙂

I could give a long list of things wrong in my flat, from the black mold on my walls clothing and furniture to the electrics that were never checked and my landlord was invoiced for.

These incompetent electricians which I will make internet famous all for the wrong reasons, will feel my wrath when the time is right. They have caused me a lot of uneccessary stress, which I certainly could do without.

The domino effect has started for every domino that gets knocked over there will be a consequence.

Will I ever market this company (hell no) and will make sure they know it aswell. It is wrong to write about someone behind their back just like it’s the same as talking about them behind their back, so once Christmas is over I will shoot them an email and will forward my posts.

The uncertainty of not knowing if my landlord will turn up or if my cooker will be installed before Christmas is causing my OCD to sky rocket.

Every person I am dealing with including the Amazon delivery drivers who are so laid back as if they have no care in the world are irratating me. Clearly seeing me on a foot path outside my home with my t-shirt and leggings on and my passport in my hand as I had ordered something of 18 years verification, you would think they would hurry things along. Why does Amazon insist on the drivers to put your passport number onto Amazon system to deliver a bottle of alcohol, I am 57 years of age I clearly look over 18 so what is the need to collect this data? It is the middle of winter not a hot summers day, so for the driver to look at me and take his time is beyond a joke. I also have a business to run I have to be near my computer as I am managing my clients online chat support so I cannot put my status as ‘away’, as that is not what I am paid for and I cannot loose a sale.

Me With Two Heads Apparantly.

So it is amazing to see people’s reactions when I say anything, its is as if I have two heads by the looks I get, what is wrong with people?

I am at war with the world right now and just want to hibernate away from the human race.

Still no sign of my landlord, he is irratating me to high heaven.

Watch this space for updates…..

Wishing Everyone

Happy Holidays

&

a Happy, Healthy & Prosperous

New Year 2021

Animated GIF

Indimidation & Mental Health Issues.

INTIMIDATION.

Intimidation is intentional behavior performed by someone in which it causes another person (the victim) fear either by physical or psychological injury or harm.

A perpetrator knows what they are doing and will want to gain control of a situation by making their victim feel insecure.

Intimidation can cause psychological damage which will make the victim question themselves, which may lead to depression or suicide.

Intimidation in the workplace can make your office environment to be a toxic place to work in.

When your boss or coworker is subjecting you to intimidation in the workplace your mental health will be affected and you may even find you have no choice but to quit your job if the constant bullying becomes unbearable.

What does Intimidation in the Workplace Look Like?

Workplace intimidation, which is also called workplace bullying, happens when someone superior to you or a coworker uses psychological threats, blackmail or verbal abuse to manipulate an employee to do things in order to feel superior over that person (the victim).

Intimidation may become apparant from the start by the superior showing they are above you. It does not have to be gradual as you may be told by your co-workers that the boss is on the prowl and that you have to jump through hoops to please him or her.

In some cases it may be made apparant over time, where the perpetrator accesses the victims weakness and plays on their insecurities. This does not have to be in the workplace it could be a friend, neighbour, partner or landlord. Basically anyone that has control over you in some way and feels they are superior to you can potentially intimidate you if you let them.

Intimidation can be:

  • Physical violence or threats
  • Raising Voices
  • Ignoring you and your requests
  • Being Hostile physical posturing
  • Humiliating, ridiculing or insulting you in front of coworkers or customers
  • Intentionally dicing you work outside your expertise
  • Purposely finding faults with your work or assigning errors to you that are not your responsibility
  • Copying your ideas and taking credit for your work
  • Sabotaging your work or setting you up to fail
  • Raising the bar for success or setting up different standards for the targeted employee
  • Interfering with your ability to work
  • Highlighting the fact that your are dispensable, that you could loose your job if your work is not up to scratch
  • Showing superiority so that you feel insecure and putting the victim in their place, reminding the victim why they are where they are and how things could eaily change, playing on the victims insecurities.
  • Intimidation that can cause your mental health to change, such as spreading lies.
  • Making the employee feel unwelcome or singled out in social events.

Illegal Workplace Discrimination.

When there is intimidation in workplace it can easily cross the line into illegal workplace discrimination.

This applies to conduct based on:

  • Race
  • Color
  • National origin
  • Sex or gender
  • Pregnancy
  • Religion
  • Disability
  • Age

If an employer makes employment decisions that hinders your job role and assignments or allows its employees to create a hostile work environment, you may be able to make a discrimiantion claim against the employer. If your employer doesn’t live up to its promises or comply with its anti-harassment policies, you may be able to sue based on a breach of contract claim.

Regarless if intimidation is made in the workplace or in another environment such as a landlord intimidating a tenant for example you do have rights and you can find the relevant help in order that you are no longer intimidated and can live a life without feeling insecure. Nobody should live in fear.

**If you have problems at home with your landlord you should contact your local council office.

Your council should have a tenancy relations officer or a housing team who can help.

The council could:

Form N16A: Application for injunction (General form)

Use this general injunction form to ask the court to order a person, company or organisation to do something or not to do something.

n16a-eng

Mental Health At Christmas – My Personal Expeiences.

Mental Health At Christmas – My Personal Experiences.

For me personally speaking it is not my favourite time of year.

I miss my parents and my bother that passed away and Christmas is not Christmas anymore, I just want Christmas over and done with.

Not just that, I have a few personal problems at home and I get it I know I am not the only one going through things especially with another iminent lockdown on the horizon and businesses struggling to pay their bills.

How can I charge my clients if they are having financial issues? This becomes a catalytic reaction a so called domino effect.

I can underatand that I should be thankful that I have somewhere to sleep and have a roof over my head. However I alway live in fear for lots of different reasons, mainly the constant worry that certain people have an element control over me. I am sad that I cannot free myself no matter how hard I try. I am being told never give up so that is what I am doing, slowly plugging away until I hit the jackpot. It is hard work but I am determined to succeed no matter what. If only I could build my own Rose Island.

“In order to start a new life one needs a lot of money and if one does not have a support network it is difficult to make the change”.

However I am struggling at the moment with my mental health really badly at the moment especially since I had a delivery from ‘Argos’ on Thursday things have just escalated to the point I just want to cry, lock myself away, turn my phone off and not see or speak to anyone until the nightmare is over.

It does not help when ‘Argos’ do not put on their website anything about ‘Hot Zones’ prior to a consumer buying a cooker.

This has started a domino effect as I have had to get my landlord involved in which I really wanted to avoid doing that.

On top of all that because I have not been able to install my cooker all my food with ‘use by dates’ has perished. I have had to order takeouts for my family and at a cost of £30 per day and have not had a refund for my installation which I paid for upfront.

Who is going to compensate me for all the money I have wasted and am still wasting?

I have phoned Argos Customer Service and they have said I will get a refund and I should wait and trust them, but they said they do not send out confirmation emails. I have even emailed the CEO ‘Simon Roberts’ and messaged him on LinkedIn pointing him to a post I made about his website…..Obviously this has been ignored as I am a nobody to this person and insignificant.

I really cannot face work right now because of a series of events, which I do not want to go into, but today on a scale of 1 to 20 with 1 being happy and 20 being really bad, I can safetly say I have gone off the richter scale and I am 20 plus.

I cannot deal with the feeling of: Fear, Doubt, Anxiety and Worry and Intrusive Thoughts”.

These feeling I usually can supress but I am concerned as some people can be intimidating and I simply cannot handle that right now. I need reassurance that everything will be ok but there is no one backing my corner.

My problem, I lack a personal support system and have no one to turn to when I am at my lowest.

I am getting intrusive thoughts in my head and I am battling my demons.

I will see if I can sleep ok over the next few nights or not and if my anxiety and fear subsides or get worse, I have sleeping tablets but when I feel my heart pounding, it is hard to relax.

My heart is in my mouth right now pounding away and I am on the verge of crying.

There are consequences to peoples actions.

I wish something would go right for me right now, but everything I touch seems to go belly up and to pot. I am trying so hard for the situation not to defeat me.

Someone said to me recently “A problem halved is a problem solved”, in most case it is good to talk to someone else I totally agree, but if all that person is a lending of an ear and cannot give you advice as they don know how, then from my own personal experiences there is no point to even speak to them. You need someone who is professional, be it a counsellor, a GP or a Consultant. Who ever you turn to they must have some knowledge and are familiar with the problem you are experiencing and should never remind you about what is upsetting you. For me I miss my parents and brother so to be reminded about them not being here especially at Christmas is the wrong thing to do.

One needs to find a mentor or a person that can support you and give you solid helpful advice. You need to find a person that can be your rock.

For me right now, I really want to sob my heart out and cannot get to sleep. My mind is racing and I am getting heart palpitations. I feel physically sick.

Age Discrimination at Work

Age Discrimination at Work.

We don’t need to be disabled to be discriminated upon.

Age Discrimination (Ageism) in the Workplace is the discrimination by an employer and HR management because of the person’s age. The person could be either to young or too old.

What is age discrimination?

The Equality Act covers the following types of discrimination:direct discrimination

  1. indirect discrimination
  2. harassment
  3. victimisation

Direct discrimination

This is where a decision is made because of a person’s age

  1. a person’s perceived age
  2. the age of someone a person is associated with (such as a partner, husband wife, friend or family member). This may not be because of age but could be because of other factors such as race, religion, gender, secual orientation.
  3. Direct discrimination is not always, and does not need to be, intentional.

We have to explore all spectrums of the scale if the person is not hired because they are too young it could be they do not have enough experience. However a person who is too old may take more time off work more often than a young person due to having hospital appointments etc or illnesses. An older person may not have the same stamina as their younger counterpart. They may not be able to do physical work due to heavy lifting etc.

A younger person is more sellable if they have to represent a company a young person is the face of the brand.

They are various discrimination factors which I will go into in a moment.

However I want to add that there is a law protecting people being discriminated which was passed in 1967 The Age Discrimination Employment Act (ADEA) what this means is that employers cannot discriminate based on a persons age.

But wait for this you have heard “age is just a number” in the case of small businesses it is just that, a number as, companies with less than 20 employees are exempt from the ADEA. This makes no sense at all as this law should be the same regarless if you have one employee or a thousand. (Grey Area).

Discrimation in the workplace is not just about age it is also to do with prejudices that occur when an employee is treated unfavourably because of gender, sexuality, race, religion, pregnancy and maternity or disability.

Examples of Ageism and how employers signal you are as follows:

  1. An employer discrimates and older person as they may not be up to speed with technology or may have adapted bad habits such as checking their personal phone whilst working.
  2. An employer refuses to hire a young person on construction as they are not experienced enough and insurance companies may not pay out if there was an accident.
  3. An employer may not hire an older person because they may be more prone to taking time off work due to illnesses.
  4. An employer may take on a younger person as they do not have to pay more money for an older person to do the same job.
  5. An employer may reject a candidate for a job application because they over a certain age the employer thinks the canidate will not portray the youthful image they want for their business.
  6. An employee maybe overlooked for promotion because they may be retiring soon.
  7. An employee may be excluded from business social gathering because the employee’s partner is much older than her and would not ‘fit in’ with the other employees.
  8. An employer may reject a job application because they need a minimum of 10 years experience (A bit difficult if you are a graduate who may be over qualified, but with no experience).
  9. A company having to make job cuts may have a policy where ‘Last In, First Out’. This can be indirectly discriminatory.
  10. An employer may reject a job application on the assumption that an older person may be too set in their ways to make changes and may be too complacent. ( I am now going to show my age I will be 58 in January and I going strong).
  11. A younger person may want to chat more rather than get on with their work.
  12. An employer may reject a candidtes job application if they are older, if the candidate is more qualified and has nore experience and network contacts than the employer.

” So AGE is meerly a number” it should not make a difference and by employers making excuses that a younger person may be on their personal phone too much, my answer to that is ban all personal mobile phones in the work place and put all phones in a safe under lock and key. Any emergencies can then be dealt with by the thirdparty calling the office number.

As for employment in general, candidates should be assessed on their experience and motivation, not on their age or their looks. If a candidate has more qualification and more experience than the employer, the employer should use that as an asset not as a hindrance.

NLW and NMW rates from 1 April 2020

National Minimum WagePrevious rateCurrent rate from 1 April 2020Increase
National Living Wage£8.21£8.726.2%
21-24 Year Old Rate£7.70£8.206.5%
18-20 Year Old Rate£6.15£6.454.9%
16-17 Year Old Rate£4.35£4.554.6%
Apprentice Rate£3.90£4.156.4%
Accommodation Offset£7.55£8.206.4%

Citations:

http://www.agediscrimination.info/practical-guide

https://www.equalityhumanrights.com/en/advice-and-guidance/age-discrimination

https://www.topresume.com/career-advice/signs-of-ageism-in-the-workplace

AGEISM & THE LAW.

If you feel you have been unfairly mistreated at work because of your age contact ‘ACAS’:

https://archive.acas.org.uk/agediscrimination

Different Types of OCD

Different Types OF OCD.

About the Author – I want to first start by saying I have suffered with OCD for the best part of 30 years.

I first noticed I had issues whilst I was encountering a relationship breakdown which was very traumatic. The feeling of grief was just as debilitating as having someone pass away. You no longer can be with that person, see them or hear them.

However I would also like to say that my mother had OCD although it was undiagnosed and she refused to admit there was anything wrong with her.

Throughout my childhood for as long as I remember my mother would wash her hands to the extent she could empty a whole tank of hot water. She also would check the soles of the family shoes and any visitors shoes insisting the shoes had to be taken off before coming into the house. Our school uniforms had to be taken off in designated areas and all food packaging had to be cleaned before it could be safetly put away.

I was never allowed to invite friends over and if they called round we would just chat in the porch.

My mother was in denial and not knowing what OCD was at the time, I could not help her.

I could not relate until I was in my early 20’s and by that time my mother simply said I was talking nonsense and that she did not have a problem yet I clearly could see she did and so did I.

From talking to my extended family, I also found out my grandmother had OCD and so did my Uncle who would not sit down unless be put his hankerchief on a chair.

My OCD is related to germ contamination, mental contamination, rumination, intrusive thoughts and avoiding physical contact with anyone.

This has flactuated over the years and depending how trusting I was towards a person would determine my OCD levels.

Trusting.

If I do not trust someone now, I cannot physically touch them or touch anything that they have touched. I feel if I do, bad things will happen to me of which I have had my fair share of traumatic events.

Avoidance.

I rather avoid contact than risk something bad happening to me again.

I have been known to make several clothing changes in a day and had to wash myself with ‘Dettol Antiseptic Disinfectant’ before my intrusive thoughts subsided.

I find it hard communicating with the outside world, I am far happier sitting behind a computer screen than actually dealing with people face to face.

If things go well for me and I am less stressed I can venture out, but mostly I avoid people and social distancing is a God send to me as before I would get extremely frustrated when people were careless and walked into me or brushed past me and simply said “Sorry”. If I were a car and you bumped into me you would not be saying “Sorry”, instead you would be giving me your insurance details.

Since the Pandemic outbreak I have not left the house. I have everything delivered and can run my business remotely. I also have no visitors other than my daughters boyfriend who knows what he can and can’t do.

It is amazing how many people do suffer with OCD but do not talk about it and try to hide it. Even my daughters boyfriend has OCD and does not like touching things without having to wash his finger tips. He also has a tendency of checking to see if his car is locked several times before he is happy. I am not a therapist so I am not going to ask questions. It is up to him to seek medical help and not for me to interfere. If he wants my help I can simply advise.

There are Nineteen Characteristics of OCD.

  1. Checking (I have witness a chap a couple doors away from me going round his car serveral times checking to see if his doors are locked).
  2. Germ Contamination (This can be cleaning or disinfecting).
  3. Mental Contamination (The feeling of self worth when a person has been treated badily)
  4. Hoarding (My mothers friend is a hoarder and has suffered several traumatic events in her life). People who hoard find comfort surrounded by materialistic things which may be of no value to the outside world but is an asset to them.
  5. Ruminations (Rumination is the focused attention on the symptoms of one’s distress, and on its possible causes and consequences) This including avoidance go hand in hand.
  6. Intrusive Thoughts Intrusive Thoughts (Intrusive thoughts are thoughts that seem to become stuck in your mind) and everyone experiences them).
  7. Symmetry & Orderliness (having all the tins in the cupboard the right way round and in order and not having odd numbers or having everything lined up and in order).
  8. Self Harming (A compulsion to physically hurt oneself to stop the mental pain)
  9. Pulling Out Hair (Trichotillomania) My ex sister in law had a compulsion to pull her hair out when she was going through a divorce with my brother.
  10. Repetitive Questioning & Reassuance. (The need to make sure something or someone will be ok).
  11. Trigger (An obsessional intrusive thought triggered by seeing an object such as a knife that may harm someone).
  12. Avoidance (When I experience my forst traumatic event I avoided mentioning my ex boyfriend name).
  13. Ritual (compulsive behaviour (physical or mental)
  14. Homosexual OCD (A straight person that fears being gay)
  15. Paedophile OCD (Unwanted harmful or sexual thoughts about children).
  16. Religious OCD (Engaging in excessive prayer).
  17. Pure ‘O’ OCD (Hidden Mental Rituals, such as counting or saying or thinking a repeating the word over and over)
  18. Counting money, counting how many times you switched the light off or closed the door handle, turning the door handle.
  19. Numbers (A fixation of certain numbers)

More Links:

https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/intrusive-thoughts

OCD Is Not Only About Cleaning.

Shot of a woman doing her daily chores at home

On the contrary OCD is not just about cleaning it could be polar opposites. I cannot manage to keep a whole flat super germ free but can quarantine my bubble, my space so to speak and make sure it is not contaminated.

Over the years my OCD has been a combination of germ contamination, mental contamination, ruminations, rituals, reassurance, trigger, avoidance, intrusive thoughts, numbers and counting. I would either avoid saying the number 13 or count something 21 times, (I was born on the 13th ironically and once on my 21st birthday I placed a £1.00 bet on the roulette table and won £21.00).

I occassionaly have had irrational thoughts and try to rationalise with myself that my thoughts are just that, stupid thoughts and totally absurd.

I have managed to cope with my OCD and having everything under control. Obviously it is not ideal but life is not perfect. “If you are dealt lemons, make lemonade”

I have tried therapy in the past and find it difficult to go over the same old things over and over again I would much rather forget.

Funnily enough I spoke to my mothers friend the other day and where I tried to be support for her as she had breast cancer and had her breast removed, I found it more and more difficult to phone her every week because without fail she would mention my ex which I want to forget but she won’t let me. She is old she is in her 80s so she forgets things as I have noticed each time I give her my telephone numberm so for me to say please do not mention my ex again would simply go over her head.

I have also tried cognitive therapy forcing you to touch something and resisting you from washing your hands. This did not work for me as I have to be in the right state of mind for it to work.

Give me £1M to start my life over again and I will see if my OCD gets better 🤔. This could be a social experiment which I could write if changing ones life for the better helps to change ones mental state.

Like I said I am no expert but I have lived with this disability for a number of years and have witnessed people’s behaviour in terms of their own OCD, aswell as reactions when you say you have OCD.

People still think mental illness as taboo and look at you as if you are ‘CRAZY’.

I most certainly do not belong in an asylum but just have a defense mechanism to protect myself from harm when I am threatened or feel insecure.

The way I see it I can mock myself but no one has the right to mock me.

I wish I could live a normal life without worry or stress and brain wash all the bad things that have ever happened to me away. But the chance of that happening are slim as I will always be reminded about my parents and bother passing away aswell as the abusive relationship and other bad incidents that happened to me over the years.

Trigger.

I still have episodes where I look at something and it brings back bad memories. Looking at photographs of people that have passed away and the feeling of sadness and emptyness or seeing something that was used to harm me. My home is full of very expensive memories that I cannot simply get rid of because of their materialistic value and have been damaged in some way. As an example looking at the bristles of a kitchen broom today brought memories flooding back.

I try my best to block out things and put them away where I cannot see them.

My home is full of bad memories which I would rather forget.

One day I hope to put the past behind me and start a new life somewhere else in a happier environment and I know what is holding me back, hence my plan will not happen overnight.

All I can do is try my hardest to move on and make a negative into a positive.

What Causes OCD.

There are many theories what causes OCD.

Scientists however have not been able to identify a definitive cause for why a person develops  Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD).

The potential causes of OCD can involve one of or a combination of either; neurobiological, genetic (my mother and my grandmother), learned behaviours (seeing my mother perform her rituals although I do not copy any), pregnancy, environmental factors or specific events that trigger the disorder in a specific individual at a particular point in time.

For me it have been a catalyst of a series of traumatic events that have caused me to cocoon myself, although cereabellar atrophy is also linked to OCD which I was diagnosed with about 11 years ago, which makes no sense as I have had OCD for about 30 years now.

The way I see it although there may be other factors that have caused me to have OCD including it being hereditory, I stongly believe PTSD is a leading source to why I have OCD and how people have treated me in the past that has made me the person I am today. Obviously some of the trauma is the loss of my parents and my brother but I also was subjected to physical and mental abuse. So my story is colourful to say the least.

Moving Forward.

I am passionate about the cause becasue I have been a life long sufferer and always keep up to date with ways to alleviate the symptoms aswell as helping others with motivation and inspiration, at the same time as helping myself.

OCD Is An Invisible Disability.

OCD Is An Invisible Disability and if you ask anyone who has got OCD would they want to trade for a normal life you will find everyone would agree including myself that OCD can be a living hell and would want the nightmare to end.

People who do not understand about OCD may be judgemental or may even mock a person. It is why its is so important to not let peoples opinions influence your way of thinking. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion and at the end of the day it is their opinion not yours. It is your opinion that matters the most not someone elses.

One needs to be in right frame of mind to make changes to ones life and also to conquer OCD.

You have to retrain your brain that what happened, happened and that there is nothing you can do about it apart from move on.

You need to set goals and take each day as it comes.

Take each day day by day and make small steps, behavioural therapy teaches you that anyway.

OCD changes with our lives.

Once we find we are happy within ourselves, confident and secure our OCD will eventually subside. In the mean time talk with you GP about what types of medication they can prescribe to make the journey a bit easier.

For me one thing I have noticed is by experssing my thoughts in my online journal, I somehow can get whatever is ailing me at the time off my chest, so although I am not physically speaking with anyone, my readers who find value in the content I write will appreciate my comments.

You too can have your own journal it does not have to be online but a diary where you can monitor your good days and your bad and even compare your days with your GP or consultant.

For me my therapy is writing, it is like letting go of a demon. Obviously I have brainwashed myself that I have to perform things in a certain way otherwise it will play on my mind but can honestly say I do try to resist my compulsive urges as much as I can. It does not work all the time as I find I do cave in, but I cannot be criticised for not trying.

I know once I am in my happier place my OCD will be a thing of the past but its only been 30 years later that I have actually started to do something about it, before I was not in a position to but now I have an opportunity to learn, teach and heal.

Once you can admit to yourself what your insecurities are you are one step closer to battling your illness.

Fear.

For me it is a constant battle but I know where I am going with this and I may never be completly cured but once I am in a happier place I now I will be on the road to recovery.

At the moment I prefer to be a recluse and not allow anyone to enter my world. I am not ready to make that step especially with the FEAR Coronavirus Covid-19 Pandemic and I do not want to contract the virus as it could potentially kill my daughter who has a very low immune system, secondly she will not be able to even take the vaccine as it is a live virus including myself.

I Am Staying In My Bubble, For the Forseeable Future!

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