Month: May 2021

Self Help & Self Hypnosis

Neuroplasticity

SELF HELP & SELF HYPNOSIS

I am a strong believer in never knock it until you have tried it, meaning see if it works before making assumptions or criticizing, and if the CIA (Gateway Process or Project Stargate) has been doing it for over 20 years there has to be something in it. Accessing your subconscious mind and re-wiring your thoughts can benefit our lives, especially if we get stuck with repetitive thoughts that we cannot shift.

I wish in the 30 years I have suffered from OCD, depression, anxiety, stress, and PTSD that my GPs which I have had a few, could have suggested hypnosis.

It is not for me to tell them to do their jobs but no one ever suggested it and like a good little soldier I went on my merry way without questioning it or bringing it up in conversation. It was only by chance I came across some videos through social media did I really start thinking about a way to help myself. If I can find a way of not being dependant on prescribed drugs for the rest of my like, then I obviously have to give it a go.

I think as I am getting older I am getting a little wiser and have decided to explore neuroplasticity and brain training.

I have just started the art of self-hypnosis and have found a braining training motivational speaker ‘Jake Ducey’ as well as the Monroe Institute. I have subscribed to Jakes’s Facebook videos and am on his mailing list. I have found the information he gives is valuable, which I am now implementing into my own life.

For years I have been programmed to think that I was not good enough, that I was a failure, I would not amount to much or have nice things. I was criticized, judged, humiliated, and belittled. I started believing everything anyone said to me.

The emphasis of this multiplied when I got involved with a narcissist that created negative energy and made my life toxic. I knew things had to change and I feel like the world has lifted off my shoulders since he has been gone.

The day I flipped the switch and said enough is enough was the day I started to think differently. Every time anyone would say something derogatory I would have an out-of-body experience. If they were directing their opinions and their judgments at my body, I immediately became numb with a hardened exterior and my body has always felt as it is a vessel and it is protecting what is my inner soul. I felt like they could do what they wanted to my body but they would never get to my soul (sticks and stones will break my bones but words will never hurt me).

Everyone is entitled to their opinion but their opinion is not my belief. They could think what they wanted about me, it was now water off a duck’s back and not significant to me. I have always thought treat people like you would wish to be treated.

I started standing up to my fears and thought “what was the best that can happen to me”, rather than my worst? I turned my negative thoughts into good thoughts and started thinking differently. I started making goals.

Where just over a decade ago I had no direction in the last few years I have started to focus. I have set goals and I know what I want but never found a way to manifest what I wanted until now.

I am paving a path. People’s perceptions and opinions of me no longer matter, I am now in control.

In my lifetime I have come across, some very cruel, rude monstrous people that have had this self-opinionated, self-entitled persona about them that they think they are better than you. I have had people with sarcastic, patronizing, opinionated attitudes try and tell me what to do or who have looked down at me and I now rise above it all, as it is only their opinion and who are they at the end of the day?

I have learned if someone is trying to hurt you, end the conversation and block them. I do not play fire with fire, if someone has an evil tongue, I bite mine. Remember silence speaks a thousand words and the universe will pay them back.

Obviously, I have a long way to go to heal as this is only the start of my journey.

Self-help therapy.

I have now started to delve into brain training and mind control (Neuroplasticity) and will publish my progress over the next few months. I will start a 30-day social experiment on myself starting today 30/05/21 where I will use self-hypnosis and the eye roll technique as well as listening to “Jakes audio” and will document my findings on a daily basis which I will publish at the end of next month.

My goal is to try and stabilize my OCD, my depression, my stress, my anxiety, and my PTSD. Because of all the grief, I have endured over the years, I need to brainwash the mind of my memories. I also want to change my ultimate thinking process to manifest what I want.

Apparantly you need to practice the eye roll technique as in the pdf below:

self-hypnosis-instruction-sheet-eye-roll

Once you have mastered the eye roll technique you should find a quiet space to meditate and play the following audio:

You should also watch some of “Jake Ducey’s” motivational videos, which I have added open below , especially if you are going through a difficult period in your life and you are surrounded by negative or toxic people. You too also need to retrain your brain and your thought process and try these relaxation and thought-provoking techniques.

Do check out “Jake Ducey’s” website and start re-training your brain. Jake has been featured on FOX, TEDx, Entrepreneur, HuffPost, and INC, and Penguin Random House. He is a force to be reckoned with: https://jakeducey.com/

” IAM A POWERFUL CREATOR, I AM POWERFUL BEING MY THOUGHTS CREATE REALITY”
How To NEVER Get Angry or Upset AGAIN
3 Ways to MANIFEST WHILE SLEEPING & Reprogram Your Subconscious Mind
Shocking Law of Attraction SLEEP TECHNIQUE For Attracting What You Want
SAY THIS TO MANIFEST ANYTHING YOU WANT FAST
SAY THIS BLESSING TO MANIFEST ANYTHING
MONEY SPELL CHANT TO MANIFEST MORE MONEY NOW
The LAW of ATTRACTION and What NOBODY Tells You. VERY POWERFUL!!!
Bob Proctor: The Law of Attraction And What Nobody Tells You!! (Must Watch!)

Believe it or not, The Central Intelligence Agency (CIA) and the United States Government have been using mind control and the laws of attraction for years.

The CIA technique dubbed the Gateway Experience was essentially described as a training system to bring enhanced strength, focus, and coherence to the amplitude and frequency of brainwave outputs patterns, according to the CIA report, ranged from converting energy to heal one’s body to traveling across space and time to learn and access new information. The CIA approved testing for this under the eyes of US Army Lieutenant Colonel Wayne M McDonnell. The project was classified by the CIA until 2003. McDonnell was commissioned to work on the Gateway Experience in the 1980s at a time in US history when the nation was taking a deep interest in different varieties of psychic research.

Project MKUltra (or MK-Ultra) is the code name given to a program of experiments on human subjects that were designed and undertaken by the U.S. Central Intelligence Agency (CIA), some of which were illegal. Experiments on humans were intended to develop procedures and identify drugs such as LSD to be used in interrogations in order to weaken the individual and force confessions through brainwashing and psychological torture. The project was organized through the Office of Scientific Intelligence of the CIA and coordinated with the United States Army Biological Warfare Laboratories. Other code names for drug-related experiments were Project Bluebird and Project Artichoke.

Investigative efforts were halted by CIA Director Richard Helms’s who ordered that all MKUltra files be destroyed in 1973; the Church Committee and Rockefeller Commission investigations relied on the sworn testimony of direct participants and on the relatively small number of documents that survived Helms’s destruction order. In 1977, a Freedom of Information Act requests uncovered a cache of 20,000 documents relating to project MKUltra which led to Senate hearings later that year.

Some surviving information regarding MKUltra was declassified in July 2001. In December 2018, declassified documents included a letter to an unidentified doctor discussing work on six dogs made to run, turn and stop via remote control and brain implants.

The above document “Analysis and Assessment of Gateway Process”, that also Jake refers to is downloadable, it is available through the following link below: https://jakeducey.com/CIA/

This makes me believe there is a way to manipulate one’s mind using hypnosis and Neuroplasticity tDCs.

Alternatively if you cannot download the document for some reason, then drop us a line.

Further Reading:

According to the Hebbian theory (Hebbs Law) is a neuroscientific theory claiming that an increase in synaptic efficacy arises from a presynaptic cell’s repeated and persistent stimulation of a postsynaptic cell. It is an attempt to explain synaptic plasticity, the adaptation of brain neurons during the learning process. It was introduced by Donald Hebb in his 1949 book The Organization of Behavior. The theory is also called Hebb’s rule, Hebb’s postulate, and cell assembly theory. Hebb states it as follows:

Let us just think that the persistence or repetition of a reverberatory activity (or “trace”) tends to induce lasting cellular changes that add to its stability. … When an axon of cell A is near enough to excite a cell B and repea cells firing B, is increased.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hebbian_theory

Citations:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Project_MKUltra

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hebbian_theory

https://www.indiatimes.com/technology/science-and-future/cia-secret-program-gateway-experience-534724.html

#neuroplasticity #hypnosis #selfhypnosis #gatewayprogram #tdcs #braintraining #brainrewiring #subconscious #subconsciousmind

Rewiring Our Brains -tDCS

Rewiring Our Brains -tDCS.

New technology has found our brains continue to rewire themselves and never stops changing as we age. The term neuroplasticity can now make it possible to repair our damaged brains.

We have 86 Billion Neurons & Nerve Cells in our Brains, so we need to be able to control how we use them.

Imagine stimulating the brain to stop us feeling physical and mental pain or help us our bodily functions due to some sort of brain damage which has caused us to become physically disabled.

Imagine having mental health or neurological problem such as OCD and having the possibility to re-wire the circuits to stop you from having intrusive thoughts, anxiety, stress, depression, and PTSD, or physical disabilities.

Imagine being able to fix the issues and go back to running a normal life.

Believe it or not, is no longer science fiction it is real and it can be done through wearable non-evasive (TDCS) Transcranial direct current stimulation. What this means is the brain gets painless low intensity direct electrical currents stimulation treatment. A constant current flow is passed through two electrodes placed over the head which modulates neuronal activity.

CEOs are starting to use the technology to supercharge their brains to be able to memorize things better and to fine-tune their knowledge. As with all trending technology many high-flying executives are jumping at the chance of grabbing these devices. At the SHA Wellness Clinic on the southern coast of Spain, business leaders and high-powered diplomats take the opportunity to unwind and relax with healthy food, spa treatments, and brain zapping. “They’re decision-makers and people who have very stressful lives and are aware that they need to reset themselves,” says SHA vice president Alejandro Bataller. “They come to learn more about themselves so they can enjoy optimal vitality and brain activity, and therefore productivity.”

Obviously, as with anything hi-tech, there are concerns about the effectiveness of tDCS, with fears that in the wrong hand, people could do themselves long-term damage with unlicensed or homemade devices. According to Vincent Walsh, a cognitive neuroscientist at University College London stated that “The field, in general, is plagued by low-quality research and publication bias,” Experiments have had small numbers and poor controls that don’t do a good job of eliminating placebo effects. “When we look at tDCS, people have jumped the gun, they have made claims to sell these things to people that are not based on the literature”.

It is debatable if sending electrical currents to the neurons in the brain, makes them more or less likely to fire and creating the desired effects.

Editors Notes.

If I had the opportunity to have the treatment with a safe no-evasive wearable device, I would certainly give it a try”.

My OCD consumes my life and if I thought that using this device could help with OCD, Depression, Anxiety & PTSD I would jump at the chance to give it a go, obviously, I would wait until after all clinical trials were completed and approved by the MHRA and FDA”.

I have watched some videos which I will add at the end, which I hope will give you a better understanding of the possibilities to help with mental health being and physical disabilities.

However ‘Vincent Walsh’ is concerned about the biased published data not actually showing the negative outcome if any from this treatment. He is worried that only positive results are being published.

In 2014, psychologist Nick Davis at the University of Swansea published a paper calling for “extreme caution” in using tDCS and highlighting a number of problems, including a lack of knowledge about long-term side-effects, a lack of clear dosing guidelines, and a dearth of research about how tDCS might impact children.

Editors Notes.

Obviously, I am all for trying something new and there is already a range of devices one can purchase, but I am personally concerned how effective they are considering how much money you initially need to buy of these things and what adverse reactions can come from using these things”.

Before searching the internet I will throw caution in the wind as some devices may be available to buy but may pose a risk to your health especially if they have not been clinically proven and do not have the CE stamp which would mean they do not have a license.

The trending high tech medical device on the market is the Flow Neuroscience headset made by a Swedish Company, which was launched last year and has CE approval in the EU and in the UK which means it can be sold as a medical device for the treatment of depression and is being sold in the UK and Sweden. The device is attached to two points on the forehead.

The co-founder Daniel Mansson, a clinical psychologist believes that other devices on the market cannot treat depression.

Flow aims to provide a pharmaceutical-free treatment for long-term depression, which is, in some cases, associated with lower neural activity in the left frontal lobe. The company secured a £1.2m investment from private equity firm Khosla Ventures to fund clinical studies and support a rollout in the UK and EU.

A note on the Flow website warns that it should only be used by people with a medical diagnosis of depression, but no prescription is required to purchase the hefty price tag of £399 per headset. There is no guarantee that it will work 100% for everyone, which would make me think twice before buying it.

The EU has a new regulation that came into force in May 2020 which will ban the sale of wearable devices that haven’t gone through the CE marking process.

However, Vincent Walsh argues that although devices being CE approved does not prove that the product isn’t dangerous, it’s not equivalent to NICE or FDA approval.

‘Vincent Walsh’ accuses ‘Flow Neuroscience’ the company of being biased and cherry-picking from the publication to show only the positive side of the product is effective at treating depression, ignoring more measured and negative randomized control trials and meta-analyses, as well as “individual differences, treatment resistance and depth of depression”.

Would I try it if it was available on the NHS or if the company sent it to me to try and review, possibly, but I would want to know all the adverse effects and see other peoples experiences and make sure that putting a contraption on my head would not fry my brain? I think I would have to wait until it was FDA approved before trying it out.

Flow is working towards FDA approval in the US and is starting talks with the NHS to make the headset available on prescription.

This will not stop perfectly healthy people from being attracted to the brain zapping device.

FURTHER READING

https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/scientists-demonstrate-direct-brain-to-brain-communication-in-humans/

https://www.wired.co.uk/article/brain-stimulation-wellness-tdcs

https://bmcpsychiatry.biomedcentral.com/articles/10.1186/s12888-020-02979-1

https://theconversation.com/brain-scans-reveal-why-it-is-so-difficult-to-recover-from-ocd-and-hint-at-ways-forward-74092

https://www.bbc.com/reel/video/p098v92g/neuroplasticity-how-to-rewire-your-brain

https://www.newscientist.com/article/2221743-europes-first-home-brain-zap-device-for-depression-launched-in-uk/

https://www.nhs.uk/apps-library/nhs-app/

VIDEOS

The Tech Helping To Treat Depression
TDCS Neuro Cognitive Enhancement.
The Woman Who Changed Her Brain: Barbara Arrowsmith-Young at TEDxToronto
Dr. Norman Doidge | The Power of Thought

I know technology is evolving fast with Elon Musk and Brain to Brain telepathy and mind control called Neuralink

Neuralink
Neuralink Monkey MindPong
Neuralink Snout Boops
Working on the Neuralink Robot

Final Thoughts From The Editor

There are other ways of retraining your brain without a drastic measure of sending electrical currents to your brain or drilling holes.

Would I try the Neuralink if it was offered to me, well for the right price with certain conditions that I was able to secure my daughter’s future should something bad happen to me, then maybe I would consider it. If it meant that I would be helping other people with mental health and neurological conditions like myself then at least I would be remembered for that.

Non-evasive therapy.

Cognitive Behavioural Therapy is a form of treatment for people with mental health disorders. Cognitive-behavioral therapy is a psycho-social intervention that helps to improve mental health. CBT focuses on challenging tasks and changing cognitive distortions and behaviors, improving emotional regulation, and developing personal coping strategies that target solving current problems.

From what I have learned over the years your mind has to be in the right place you must be at peace with yourself and your demons”.

For years I have struggled with mental health issues mostly as a direct consequence of grief. I have tried cognitive behavioral therapy and found it to be non-effective. I also had a therapist but found talking about remembering things I wanted to forget, not effective either.

I never tried hypnosis and have been curious about its effectiveness. I have seen how patients terrified of flying or spiders were cured using this technique, however, I believe I have fallen between the gaps for the NHS to help me.

In fact, I sent a very private and confidential letter to my GP today and had an autoresponder message to redirect my inquiry to the practice manager.

What happened to data protection and privacy?

I find medication helps to a certain degree, especially with my sleeping, and does keep me from staying calm most of the time, keeping myself busy is also a factor in managing my disability. My mind is always active and I never run out of ideas of doing something new and I can never say I am bored.

Here Are Some Steps to Retrain Your Brain.

  1. Accept your thoughts and obstacles. Admit to yourself what is troubling you, face your fears.
  2. Make a plan for how you will tackle the obstacles and turn your negative thoughts into positives ones.
  3. Organize your day, keep a planner or diary/journal of things to do.
  4. Admit to yourself what triggers you.
  5. Set a plan to move forward, write done what you want to achieve and set goals, create a personal mantra.
  6. Be thankful for what you have got and be kind to people. Practice daily gratitude.
  7. Help other people, helping others by empowering and motivation will make you a leader. Pay it back.
  8. Find mentors or read books on successful people and network with people that inspire you.
  9. Create a Dream board and visualize what you want from life, practice the law of attraction.
  10. Meditate.
  11. Exercise.
  12. Eat Healthily (your body is your temple, treat it with respect).
  13. Keep yourself busy.
  14. Do crosswords and puzzles.
  15. Write down your thoughts, this could be a diary or online journal.
  16. Write a book.
  17. Start a business.
  18. Appreciate your surroundings and Nature.
  19. Be creative, build lego or Airfix models, try art painting with watercolor, oils, and acrylics.
  20. Make a sculpture.
  21. Invent something.
  22. Code Computer Games.
  23. Learn a Language.
  24. Learn a New Skill.
  25. Get a qualification. It is never too late to learn.
  26. Train as an athlete.
  27. Become a Coach and do public speaking.
  28. Make a legacy so that people can remember you.
  29. Brain train by reading books.
  30. Brain train by playing video games, app games, or play chess.

#tdcs #neurolink #flowneuroscience #neuroscience #neuroplasticity #cognitivebehaviouraltherapy #braintraining #braintobrain #elonmusk #ocd #depression #stress #anxiety #mentalhealth #neurologicaldisorders #disabilities #mentaldisabilities #physicaldisabilities

How To Deal With Grief.

How to Deal With Grief.

Grief is a debilitating devastating emotion and it can crush you. Only you will deal with the grief in your own way, there is no right or wrong way and no one can tell you otherwise.

What is grief?

Grief is a natural process that we experience when it comes to the loss of a loved one. Grief is our body’s way of coping with the emotional suffering when someone we love is taken away. We will often have an overwhelming emotion of heart-wrenching heartache.

The initial feeling of coming to terms with such an emotion can be a shock, horror, anger, disbelief, guilt, and profound sadness. Our emotions of grief can cause devasting mental health issues and can also disrupt our physical health.

Dealing with grief may make sleeping more difficult, taking care of our well-being and eating habits even going as far as loss of appetite. It can even cause us to not think properly or clearly and cause us not to be able to perform mundane tasks, let alone more complex actions.

Dealing with grief are natural responses and emotions which are normal reactions and the more important and significant the loss, the more intense the grief will be.

Different types of Loss.

There are many ways of experiencing grief, it may not necessarily be through death but could be something that causes us to feel helpless and not in control.

Having to lose someone near and dear to you can be a life-changing event and emotion and very debilitating.

Having to learn to cope and to start life over again, not having something or someone around can be challenging and can put our mental abilities to the test.

Different Forms of Loss & Trauma.

  1. Loss of a job
  2. Loss of financial stability and support
  3. Loss of Spouse through divorce
  4. A break-up of a relationship
  5. Loss of health
  6. Death of a Pet
  7. Loss of a Business
  8. Loss of a Friend (breakdown of friendship or death)
  9. Loss of a Parent through Death
  10. Loss of a Sibling through Death
  11. Loss of a Child through Death
  12. Loss of an unborn child – Miscarriage
  13. Loss of a Spouse, a wife, or husband through death (from a sudden event as well as a serious illness)
  14. Loss of a family home due to financial issues or divorce
  15. Loss of your assets because of theft (including sentimental belongings)
  16. Loss of your pride and dignity, self-worth due to physical and mental abuse
  17. Loss of a cherished dream, taken away because of an unexpected financial issue
  18. Loss of your safety net through financial difficulties or mental and physical abuse
  19. Loss of a working environment (workmates) due to retirement or changing jobs
  20. Rape. (Loss of virginity or loss of self-worth due to rape)
  21. Loss of self-worth through Physical and Mental Abuse (Domestic Violence)
  22. Loss of dignity and pride, due to racism and discrimination
  23. Loss of confidence due to humiliation, trust issues, belittlement, betrayal, and other insecurities
  24. Loss of freedom due to incarceration
  25. Loss of Mobility
  26. Loss of Limbs
  27. Loss of Sight

Life events not only are to do with death. Life events can cause us to feel the subtle loss that can trigger a sense of grief and other emotions. For example moving away to a different area due to work or other factors, leaving your school/college/uni friends due to graduation causes us to endure the feeling of separation or simply changing jobs, and leaving your workmates can all cause us to experience sadness.

Our loss is personal.

Our loss is individual and very personal to us, not everyone will understand the feeling of emptiness unless they have experienced it for themselves.

Regardless of your loss, it is personal to you. People may experience resentment, anger, or start blaming themselves if they had done things differently the loss could have been avoided.

When you suffer the loss of a person, animal, relationship, or situation which was significant to you, it can cause intense inner emotional pain of heartache. The heaviness of having a broken heart can slowly heal through therapy.

The pain will never go away but will not feel so intense over time and eventually, time will help you move on with your life.

Grieving Process.

When we grieve our mental strength can be tested to its limit.

Grieving is a very unique experience and no two losses ever feel the same. There is no ideal way to grieve it is very individual to us and we can only cope with the grieving process by how well we can cope mentally.

Not everyone has a strong mindset some people cannot cope with change regardless of how insignificant it is. In order to overcome grief, there must be an element of time and therapy and having the mental strength to move forward.

Overcoming grief depends on many factors, including your mental well-being, if you have mental health issues this can cause the problem to become worse. Your personality and ability to tackle problems and get around obstacles, your life experiences, your faith, and how significant the loss is will determine how well you heal.

Healing.

Healing cannot be hurried it is a gradual process and cannot be forced. For some people, they can heal relatively quickly but for some, it may take many years. Healing cannot be measured, in weeks, months, or years, it is a persons mental state of mind that will determine how long it will take to heal.

Grief De-bunked.

  1. If you try and ignore grief and not think about the ordeal, it will not go away, you need to find a way to deal with your sadness.
  2. Crying does not mean you are a weak person. In fact, it is good to cry and release sadness and despair.
  3. Putting on a brave face to protect your family and friends does not help anyone in the long run especially if they are grieving the same grief as you. Being open and talking about your feelings are the first steps to recovery.
  4. If however, you are unable to show emotion that also is another way of your body copying, some people cannot show how they feel and end up bottling things up. If you cannot cry that does not mean you do not care any less, everyone has their own unique coping mechanisms.
  5. Moving on with your life does not mean you have forgotten it just means you have re-adjusted to life without your loved ones. Moving on does not mean you have accepted the loss it just means that you can live your life without them, but continue to keep the memory alive.

Therapy

Everyone will experience the loss of a loved one at some point in their lives. It is part of life itself. When our hearts are broken into smithereens it is sometimes very difficult to put them back together again.

Finding the right help, guidance, and therapy can be useful if the loss of a loved one is sudden. You do not have to do it alone and you can find someone to help you and be your support worker, to help you get through the most difficult times.

Time heals but does not forget!

First Steps to Healing.

  1. Admit you feel sad, do not pretend that you are ok.
  2. Talk about your sadness to your family and friends.
  3. Make an online memorial page where others can share their stories. Create either a website or a Group on Facebook rather than a public page, which means people can share their memories and have the posts approved by a group admin member before they can access the memorial.
  4. Start a diary (virtual or physical) or write a biography about their life.
  5. Create a scrapbook of memories, express your feeling in a creative tangible way. (For me I preserved some leaves from my brother’s oak tree).
  6. Dedicate a tree or forest in their name (Woodland Trust)
  7. Get a park bench with the person’s name (Contact your local council office).
  8. Be creative and make something that will always remind you of them. (put their photo in a locket or charm bracelet or print their image on a keepsake).
  9. Start a foundation or raise awareness, and or give to a charity.
  10. Surround yourself with images of the person or pet you have lost.
  11. Share your memories and celebrate their life through anniversaries.
  12. Understand that the feeling of grief can trigger other emotions (anger, denial, depression, etc).
  13. Take care of yourself even though you find life meaningless (Your body is your temple).
  14. Speak with a GP or Grief Counselor
  15. Know the difference between grief, PTSD, and depression.
  16. Dedicate your life to the person you have lost by public speaking.

The Five Stages of grief

Studies made by psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross in 1969 introduced what would become known as the “five stages of grief.” These stages of grief were based on her research of feelings of patients facing terminal illness. She spoke of:

  1. Denial
  2. Anger
  3. Bargaining
  4. Depression
  5. Acceptance.

It must be noted that not everyone who grieves goes through all of these five stages of grief. In some cases, people have been known not to experience any of these emotions and have managed to heal.

Elizabeth Kübler-Ross never intended for these stages to be a rigid framework that applies to everyone who mourns. In her last book before her death in 2004, she said of the five stages of grief: “They were never meant to help tuck messy emotions into neat packages. They are responses to lose that many people have, but there is not a typical response to loss, as there is no typical loss. Our grieving is as individual as our lives.”

Grief can be an ocean tears of emotions.

People in the early stages of grief may feel intense numbness or sadness and as time progresses the ocean of emotions can be high tidal waves and ebbing flowing lows. It takes time to overcome loss, with some people never fully recovering at all. Even years after a loss, especially on anniversaries, special places, special events such as holidays like Christmas and family reunions, and birthdays, the emptiness of not having the person present can be very upsetting.

Symptoms of grief

  1. Intense Devastating Shock and Disbelief, not being able to accept the loss.
  2. Paralyzing Numbness of what has happened and you feel cold without and emotion or empathy.
  3. Denial, that it is just a bad dream it has not happened and you are still expecting them to show up even in reality that they are gone. You look for them in a crowded place. (I once saw a homeless man that looked the spitting image of my brother and I gave him money and bought him food).
  4. Anger, of why you lost someone as opposed to someone else losing someone.
  5. Blame, Blaming yourself, had you have done things differently that this could have been avoided or not doing enough.
  6. Questioning yourself, questioning your sanity, are you going crazy for feeling so low and questioning your faith and God.
  7. Sadness, emptiness, despair, deep loneliness, and yearning.
  8. Guilt, having said something that you wish you could have unsaid, feeling relieved that the person has gone and is not suffering or the guilt of not doing enough to prevent them from dying.
  9. Fear, of how, will you cope without them emotionally and being alone as well as coping financially, how will you be able to live without them.
  10. Anger, you may feel disdain for everyone around you because they are living and breathing and your loved one is not. Even feeling resentful to the doctors that should have done more to save the person.
  11. Abandonment, feeling angry because the person has abandoned you even though you would have given your life for them.
  12. Robbed, feeling like the person has been stolen from you and an injustice has been done.

Physical & Mental symptoms of grief.

  1. Fatigue, grief can manifest in many ways, some people feel very tired and just want to curl up in a ball and sleep all the time and not do anything else, hoping that life will be different when they wake or sleep because life is pointless to stay awake and do anything.
  2. Insomnia, some people simply cannot sleep, they overthink and may be up all night worrying and obsessing.
  3. Isolation, some people isolate and no longer wish to be sociable. (This is me in a nutshell)
  4. Depression, intense sadness 24/7 that you cannot shake, whilst others are inconsolable and cry all the time.
  5. Weight, grief can also affect your physical health by either make you gain weight or lose weight.
  6. Substance Abuse, some people start smoking, drinking, or take recreational drugs just to numb out the hollowness and loneliness they are feeling.
  7. Lowered Immunity, poor diet, and other physical attributes can cause lowered immunity which in turn causes the person to be susceptible to other illnesses.
  8. Mental Illness, grief can also lead to anxiety, stress, depression, and PTSD, the trauma of losing a loved one can also cause mental illnesses such as OCD.

Complications

Coping with grief is always a very delicate matter and it is your own personal preference how to try to deal with it. Talking to your friends and family is always a good idea as well as your GP and Health Professional that are expert in grief counseling. The relief of talking to someone can help lessen the burden of your loss. Listening to other people’s recollections and memories of the person that has died help you to find closure.

However, if you turn to friends they may not be able to help you as you would expect especially if they have never experienced grief themselves.

Close friends in particular often do want to help but don’t know-how, if they have not experienced death firsthand.

If you need help with arranging funeral directors, planning a wake, and sorting out finances then appoint someone that can manage all your affairs, they do not necessarily have to be a friend but a funeral planner company that offers the services. Understand that some people may feel awkward about helping so turning to a professional institution can help take some of the stress away.

People who have never experienced death will not understand what you are going through they can second guess but until they experience it for themselves they may not be able to give you the full support you need.

Not having the right support can make things difficult if your friends are unsure how to comfort you and they may feel like they are walking on eggshells in the fear of saying or doing something wrong. This is why it is good to speak with a professional or join a group.

Faith

If you are religious try to turn to your faith to find peace, alternatively if you are questioning your faith and God go to your church and arrange a talk with the clergy. People find going to church and praying or spending time at the graveside comfort.

Support Groups

There are many social media support groups that you can join as well as finding physical meeting places. If you want to interact physically or virtually, take the first steps to counsel and sharing your sorrow with people who have experienced similar loss as you. . To find a bereavement support groups in your area, contact local hospices, funeral homes, and counseling centers.

Acknowledgement.

Acknowledging you will never see your loved one again will help you heal and ease some of the pain. Acknowledge your feeling, of sorrow, despair, loneliness, and intense sadness. Understand that this is normal and you have to experience it to move on. Typical denial is trying to avoid or acknowledging and refusing to talk about and hiding away. This can lead to complications such as depression, anxiety, substance abuse, and health problems. The first step is acknowledging you will never see that person again.

Honour their life.

Plan ahead of anniversaries, make a memorial, something people can reflect and remember. Build a celebration of life events your loved one had and allow the people that knew them to join in.

Your Personal Health

Your mental and physical health is paramount. Your body is your temple therefore you should treat it like one. Get enough sleep, maintain a healthy diet, exercise regularly, and avoid substance abuse to numb the pain. If we have a healthy body we will also help to have a healthy mind.

Complicated grief

Complicated Grief is like being stuck in an intense paralyzed state of mourning. You may not be able to accept the death and you end up obsessed and preoccupied with the person who died which in turn disrupts your daily routine and causes problems in your other relationships.

Complicated Grief includes:

  1. An obsessed feeling of intense longing and yearning for the loss of your loved one. Living and breathing just the person you have lost, looking and searching for anything written about them. Talking about them 24/7 in an obsessed way.
  2. Intrusive thoughts or images of your loved one. (I have a problem with anything to do with water, like rivers and whirlpools, and cannot watch anything to do with drowning or look at images).
  3. Panic attacks, reliving the trauma over again.
  4. Nightmares, constant nightmares of the ordeal or the person and the circumstances.
  5. Denial and a sense of disbelief, not coming to terms with the fact the person has actually gone. Refusing to acknowledge they have actually gone.
  6. Avoiding, mentioning their name or the places they once went to or avoiding looking and touching things that remind you of them. (I cannot physically go back to and visit the street where my family home once was because it brings back too many painful memories).
  7. Anger and bitterness, over your loss of your loved one, hating the world and everyone in it. (I personally experienced this especially when my mum passed away, I hated the world but I am over it now, I do have different anger now where my brother is laid to rest, which I was not consulted over).
  8. Feeling that life is pointless and that there is no reason to carry on. (Suicidal Thoughts).

Traumatized.

If your loved one died an unexpected sudden death either a heart attack or something that was an accident, violent or disturbing you may be experiencing complicated grief which can manifest as psychological trauma or PTSD, (my brother died by drowning).

The sudden loss of a loved one where you have had no time to prepare for their passing means you will experience intense crushing shock. It will feel the whole world is falling apart around you and you are sinking. It will make you feel helpless and you will be struggling with upsetting irrational emotions, memories, and anxiety that won’t go away, if this is the case you will have been traumatized.

Knowing the difference between grief and depression

Thinking and obsessing over a person 24/7, week in week out is called depression. If you are consumed by the loss and nothing else matters and no matter what you do you cannot shake the feeling of contestant emptiness and despair you have depression and you need to speak with your GP as soon as possible. Knowing the difference between grief and clinical depression isn’t always easy as they share many similar attributes. When you’re in the middle of the grieving process, you will still have moments of pleasure or happiness, depending on how intense and complicated your grief is. With depression the feelings of emptiness and despair are constant and if it consumes your life 24/7 you need to seek help from a Health Professional.

Symptoms of Depression.

  1. An intense, sinking feeling of hopelessness.
  2. An obsession that you cannot step out of (which could be an obsession about the person who has departed or the obsession about death).
  3. Suicidal Thoughts, or a preoccupation with dying or planning ways how to die.
  4. Hopelessness or worthlessness.
  5. Feeling fatigued and lethargic.
  6. Slow speech and body movements, because you have no need to rush.
  7. Not being able to function properly, (at home, at work, and/or at school/college or University). It could also be not being able to make important decisions or manage finances.
  8. Imagination, Seeing, or hearing things that aren’t there.

Medication

Medication is usually prescribed for people who have depression, anxiety, stress disorders, insomnia, and mental health problems as well as physical illnesses. In most cases, grief does not warrant the use of antidepressants unless the grief is intense and complicated. Sometimes people who are inconsolable may be prescribed valium to calm them down or other sedatives. For people who have intense grief that is inconsolable, they may be referred to a counselor for grief therapy.

It is unadvisable to self-medicate or to use recreational substances such as alcohol or drugs as numbing the pain only prolongs the grief process rather than helping the person come to terms and heal. It is like putting a band-aid on a gaping wound and when they sober up the reality of the fact is still there.

Seeking Professional Help.

If the pain is unbearable and you feel your world is crashing down around you you need to seek professional help straight away. If you leave your symptoms untreated, complicated grief and depression can lead to significant mental health issues and emotional damage, life-threatening health problems, and even suicide.

Contact a grief counselor or professional therapist if you:

  1. If you feel you cannot cope and your life is crashing down around you and cannot perform simple tasks or manage to make important or even simple decisions.
  2. If you are obsessing over the person 24/7, week in week out, and your life is consumed with every thought of the person that has died.
  3. If you feel like life isn’t worth living anymore because the person is no longer in your life.
  4. If you wish you had died with your loved one.
  5. If you are having suicidal thoughts.
  6. If you blame yourself for the loss or not doing enough to prevent them from dying.
  7. If you feel total numbness to society and prefer to disconnect from people and isolate yourself.

Note From The Editor.

In my lifetime I have experienced death many times from when I was little I paid my respects to a boy in an open upright coffin, who had fallen from a cherry tree in Poland, I think I was 10 at the time. Then a family friend died approximately 12 hours before his wedding from a heart attack something like eleven years later and I had to console his fiance. When I came to Wales and worked at the Holiday Resort in Barry Island (Majestic Centre) in 1992, I had to console a holidaymaker’s wife and son because the husband had a heart attack and died.

Then in 1992 a close friend of mine, a very beautiful successful singer who toured Europe and was famous in a band in Germany but came back to live in Wales, committed suicide in Dinas Powys.

Years later I then experienced personal grief where my father passed away in 2004 and then my mother in 2007 and then the most crushing and devasting blow was when my brother in 2010 died in a freak accident and most recently my ex-husband only last week 16/05/21

For me, the coping process is to surround myself with photos and memories of the people I have lost and to keep their memory alive by talking and writing about them.

This is my way of coping as even after the passing of both my parents and my brother I am still grieving in my own way and occasionally when I have time to reflect I am consumed with intense sadness but find keeping myself busy and not having time to think helps me to carry on.

Most recently my ex-husband passed away and again I feel sadness as I always cared about him and never stopped. (I wrote a memorial post expressing my feelings it was my way of coping with the sad news, I do not think I needed permission for that as it is part and parcel of the grieving process and everyone’s grief is different and how you cope is entirely your choice).

The news was shocking to me that he had died. I thought I had time to make amends as that was my ultimate goal. I am now consumed with guilt and regret that I should have reached out when I had the opportunity, I just took him for granted he would always be around and that I had plenty of time.

I have learned you do not know what is around the corner waiting for us and building bridges is a must if you do not want to have regrets. Finding forgiveness and putting all indifferences aside are the first steps to healing and moving on.

There is no time like the present to say “sorry”, what is done is done you cannot turn back the clock but you can move forward, saying “I love you” can mean a lot and may make a difference, also remember to create memories.

For me, I have experienced complicated sudden death five times and I have also experienced one particular emotion of anger.

My anger still manifests inside of me eleven years on, because of the circumstances where my brother was laid to rest. I was not consulted on the location other than it was the Woodland Trust and where his ashes are it is no longer ‘Woodland Trust Land’ but private land as I believe the land changed hands within the last few years.

Not only that my anger festers inside over something someone once said to me about six months after my mother’s passing “so how long are you going to expect to grieve for?” I never forgot those words and never have forgotten the person that said them to me (J.M). The words were cutting and heartless and it was like rubbing salt into a gaping wound.

So in order for me to ever pay my respects to my brother or visit the oak tree is no longer possible. Some will say his spirit has left and is now just energy surrounding us and in a way, I do agree but it also nice to have a place to go to remember the person and to reflect. Maybe in time, I may find the strength to forgive but as it stands I still have the anger embedded in my soul.

My brother in his will said he wanted his ashes buried in woodland but never said exactly where. I am sure there is a ‘Woodland Trust’ where my parents are buried. I was told the reason for the location was it was my brother and his partner’s special place they visited often. What about his family that obviously did not matter? The location is nowhere near ‘Lake Windermere’ but in the middle of a field on the outskirts.

His partner at the time took it upon herself to make the arrangements without consulting me. Having his ashes in the middle of a field approximately 257 mi (413 km) is not ideal and now is virtually impossible to visit. I have other grievances but will focus on the subject of grief.

I am now carrying the emotion of guilt and regret that I should have reached out to my ex-husband sooner and told him how I really felt.

I have also experienced other types of grief not to do with death, such as relationship breakups, divorce, losing a business, loss of self worth due to physical and emotional abuse, loss of dignity, loss of assets. I won’t go into everything individually but I have carry many war wounds.

I suffer from clinical depression and OCD it is manageable with the medication I take. I have been on my medication for many years now, I am now looking into neuroplasticity as a form of treatment.

I have written about grief in the past:

https://disabledentrepreneur.uk/dealing-with-death-grief-the-4th-time-round

Useful Links:

https://www.cruse.org.uk

https://www.mariecurie.org.uk/help/support/bereaved-family-friends/dealing-grief/bereavement-or-grief-counselling

https://www.sueryder.org/how-we-can-help

https://www.bacp.co.uk/

https://www.betterhelp.com

What is Obsessive Compulsive Disorder

What is Anxiety

What is Stress

What is Depression

Suicide Healthline

SAMARITANS.org

OCDUK.org

MIND.org.uk

YoungMinds.org.uk

#grief #grieving #grievingprocess #healing #lossofalovedone #loss #dying #departed #death #suddendeath #complicatedgrief

Dealing With Death, Grief the 5th Time Round.

1957 – 2021

Tribute to my ex-husband Alan Barnes.

This is a sad post but it is my way of coming to terms with my mentor, someone I looked up to and respected and someone I learned a lot from.

Dealing with death the fifth time round should be a walk in the park for me but I can tell you it is not.

To think that I lost a good friend to suicide, lost both my parents and my brother and now my ex-husband feels like I have been robbed all over again. The feeling is so very final, you cannot pick the phone and talk to them you cannot say sorry or that you love them. The feeling is sheer cold, dark, hollow emptiness.

The feeling is like no other it is of great sadness and despair. The feeling is also very angry and hostile one and it makes you question life and all of life’s trivialities.

The feeling is of guilt and regrets and for me not being able to speak to my ex-husband again is heartbreaking the second time around the first when we split up and the second time is now. Perhaps it was never meant to be, perhaps this was destiny’s way of saying this was how it ends?

The last time I spoke to my ex-husband was 14 years ago where he came to tell me his son had died in a car accident. He was not alone and the person he was with was not welcome but it was the right thing to do to accommodate her under the circumstances.

You take people for granted and you expect them to be around forever and I thought I had time to finish my autobiography and tell him and the world what actually happened and how I actually felt and am still feeling.

In truth, he was my knight in shining armor and things could have been different, but I guess things happen for a reason.

I wanted to tell him I was sorry for hurting him and although we have social media I wanted to tell him to his face.

I knew I had hurt him because of his behavior straight after, but he had also hurt me too. Two wrongs do not make a right but I wanted closure on something I thought I had plenty of time to say. We never had the opportunity then to talk because of all the animosity surrounding our break-up.

I did not know he was termininally ill until recently. I knew nothing.

Prior to his passing, I left a voice message on his phone, I guess he never got to listen to it 🙁 Perhaps he had even changed his number, again I do not know that either.

After our divorce, he did not want me to carry his name. I changed my name by Deed Poll from (MRS) to (MS) but still kept his name. After our divorce he got want he wanted briefly I was a ‘Maziak’ again but then decided to revert back to what would have been my married name. I will use his name with honor and pride. My name is the double barrel and although one is foreign and difficult to remember, pronounce and spell I use his surname for business. People know how to spell ‘Barnes’ as opposed to ‘Maziak’ and that is how it will stay.

So yesterday evening 16th May 2021 I was informed my ex-husband had passed away peacefully in the afternoon. At first I was stunned as if I had been winded and tried to hold enough composure not to break down.

I then decided I was going to have an early night (which is unusual for me) at around 9 pm and took my sleeping tablet and what would normally knock me out within half an hour, I found I was still wide awake 6 hours later, thinking about him and listening to ‘Stevie Wonder’ his favorite recording artist with tears streaming down my face.

I played a few songs he used to play to me “I Just Called To Say I Love You” whenever he was out on the road in the early days of our relationship, and “Yester Me -Yester You”. Plus one other song I had dedicated to him and played it to him as it reminded me of him (Heaven Must Have Sent You -The Elgins). I will add the songs to the end of this post.

He was a true gentleman through and through and at the beginning of our relationship up until we got married in 1998 for the first five years (1993 to 1998), he would give me flowers week in week out without fail.

After we got married. things changed and our marriage went pear-shaped, I will always remember and blame the phone call I received 2 days after we got married from a female security guard who wrecked our marriage. Not everyone knows the full story of our breakup and people blame me even though the truth is this woman single handily was to blame. Everyone will know the truth.

I will try not to say too much on here right now but he was my best friend and he was my knight in shining armor.

I never imagined I would never have the opportunity to speak to him again. I had hidden away from him and did not want to be found because I thought why should he know about my life when he was not in it and now my master plan backfired as I have come to realize it is now too late to turn back the clock.

Things could have turned out so differently had we have tried to salvage our marriage, although the health issues that he had, the ending would have still been the same.

With grief, it is good to keep the memory going and keep talking about the person as if they have never left.

For me writing down fond memories will be a constant reminder of people who have gone away.

My book makes reference to everyone that I lost through death and from relationship breakups. It also mentions everyone that has caused me grief. Grief is not just about death it could be a broken-down marriage. Grief is the feeling of having no control and that nothing you can do or say can change things. Grief is the end of life or the end of a relationship it is final.

I have so many unanswered questions and hopefully, one day I may get to learn the answers to them. I hope if his family read this they will know I did care. In fact, I never stopped.

Alan R. Barnes

27-01-53 to 16-05-21

Nos da!

via GIPHY

” I just called to say I love you” Stevie Wonder
“Yester Me -Yester You” Stevie Wonder
“Heaven Must have Sent You” The Elgins

Remembering the good times rather than the bad and eating sirloin steak, blueberry and chocolate muffins and remembering what we once had”.

My thoughts are with his family and friends at this sad and difficult time!

RIP My Dear Friend.

Useful Links

https://www.cruse.org.uk/

https://www.mariecurie.org.uk/help/support/bereaved-family-friends/dealing-grief/bereavement-or-grief-counselling

https://www.sueryder.org/how-we-can-help

https://www.bacp.co.uk/

The Anxiety of Waiting is Torture

ANXIETY & FRUSTRATION OF WAITING!

The Anxiety of Waiting is Torture.

One of the most frustrating experiences is having to wait. We wait to catch a bus or train. We wait in traffic jams. We wait at the doctor’s surgeries or job interviews. We wait at the car mechanic garages. We wait, and wait and wait some more.

However, people who have anxiety find waiting to be very overwhelming. An example of this is waiting for the phone to ring, waiting for a text message, or waiting for someone to arrive.

One needs patience to wait. One need s to have a high tolerance threshold and people who suffer from anxiety and depression do experience short fuses. Waiting for an answer, feeling uncertain and insecure, and not having any confidence are all contributing factors to having anxiety that can feel like torture.

For me as an example on the 1st of this month gone, I get a text message from my landlord that he wants to call round to sign a new tenancy agreement, even though I had already told him I was feeling unwell and was not up to visitors, even going as far as sending him to free digital signature software to sign documents online. Anyway, he insists he wants to do this face to face, even though I want as little human interaction as possible in which he is oblivious to my request and it has simply gone over his head. So the text message said he will be calling around and I replied he needed to give me some notice and now everything has gone silent….

I just want it over and done with and do not want it hanging over my head. I do not want to see him and the anxiety of the anticipation of his arrival is driving me crazy, not only that he is bringing someone with him as a witness, so even more human interaction.

Many people lose their patience, become bored, anxious, and angry. I personally am fuming. Not only has he increased my rent he also wants to be demanding and turn up even though I have told him I am unwell.

The amount of time that passes while waiting is often a matter of perception. One of the factors that can make a wait feel endless is awareness of time. A minute can feel like a second or vice versa if you are anxious it can feel like an eternity. If you have ever watched the clock timer on a microwave count down, you can see how time drags.

If waiting is partly a matter of perception, there are things you can do to make the time go faster.

1. If you know you have to wait at a bus or train station bring something with you to occupy your mind. This can be a book and iPad or knitting. This type of distraction will help and make you feel less likely to feel bored and restless and agitated.

2. If you are stuck in a traffic jam, listen to music or the news while keeping an eye on the road. Music helps to calm you down and soothe your emotions.

3. Standing in line in a queue before social distancing one could start small talk and chat with the next person, but with the pandemic regulations it has become more difficult and one needs to have patience in slow-moving lines at the post office or bank. The best way now to pass the time is to go on your phone (providing you have a smartphone).

4. Practicing deep breathing and muscle relaxation exercises, (these can be done without attracting attention), can relieve a lot of anxiety and stress and improve self-control. This can be done indoors and outdoors and I am finding I am taking a leaf out of my book with this as I really want to pick up the phone to my landlord and yell profanities.

Obviously, in the ideal world, you should not become enraged. However, people who have mental health issues such as I find it hard to control their anger. Getting mad only makes matters worse and I have no choice but to ride the tide. Getting angry will not speed up time and will only result in raised blood pressure, ulcers, and, ultimately, heart disease and even worse a heart attack.

For me venting my anger out via my blogs helps to ground me and get things off my chest.

What is your way of dealing with waiting and do you have patience and how do you cope?

#anxiety #patience #tolerrance #anger #angermanagement #timemanagement

Leave your comments below.

Feeling of Resentment

What is Resentment.

Resentment (also called ranklement or bitterness) is a multilayered complex of emotions that collectively are the feeling of disappointment, disgust, anger, and fear. Psychologists have come to the conclusion that it is a mood or a secondary emotion (including cognitive elements) that can be elicited in the face of insult and/or injury. It is a generalized defense mechanism against unfair situations or incidents.

Resentment is a festering feeling of bitterness and anger. Have you ever had the feeling that lingers in the back of your mind how something or someone has done you wrong and you cannot forgive or forget?

In my lifetime especially in the last 30 years, I have had a build-up of resentment to individuals and institutions that has manifested in bulk. As time goes on and more incidents happen because of a domino effect the more rage I have which then festers.

The fire is not full-blown flames but more a smoldering ember that remains hot and could reignite at any time.

I won’t bore you with all the details but I have had one particular person asked me about six months after my mother’s death where I was not thinking properly “how long do I expect to grieve“? Fifteen years later I am still grieving and the said individual who said this I hope they rot in hell for being so uncaring and shallow. Granted the circumstances of this particular incident could have been handled better by me but I was not in the right frame of mind to execute any plans as I was trying to cope with grief. Then two years ago I was traumatized by another person (no relation to me but someone of authority trying to mock my disability (PIP) again this will all be revealed in my book.

Moving on to the present time another person is on my radar that is a leech stuck to my daughter. I disapprove of him and no matter if he jumped through hoops I would still resent him because I believe the feeling is mutual and he is doing everything to drive a wedge between my daughter and I.

I believe the only way you can hurt a person is through their pocket. There is a saying “he who laughs last, laughs the longest”. Watch how I do not support my daughter financially if she chooses this person. Why should he benefit from my hard-earned money? Why should he get a penny from me?

The same goes for my deceased brother’s partner who inherited the whole of his estate after he passed away. Why should I give her the time of day when the sheer greed of her wealth has made her think she is another league to me.

I have a lot of resentment towards her for dumping my brother’s ashes out in the middle of nowhere which once belonged to the Woodland Trust but now is private land with no way of paying my respects even if I wanted to as I could be done for trespassing, not only that it is virtually impossible to reach and for claiming every last penny of a pension that a company reached out to me initially for. I have resentment towards her when I was in a very abusive relationship and asked her if I could come and stay at hers and she then went off the radar never to phone or text to see how I was.

Sure some people find it is awkward if someone asks them for help but if they are decent human beings they will help and not turn their back on a person.

I have no respect for her and I hope that her wealth is short-lived and only brings her more unhappiness. The domino effect is she has moved another man into what was my brother’s house and this man is living off the aftermath of my brother’s death.

The domino effect was my brother having his contract not renewed by a luxury car manufacturer which caused my brother to go to Ecuador to save the rain forest but unfortunately could not save himself. Had the car manufacturer kept him on he would most probably be alive today.

The other domino effect was if my brother’s partner had helped out when I went to her for help I would not have had my ribs broken, my knee dislocated and chemicals sprayed into my eyes, never mind the long list of other things that I have suppressed.

The domino effect for my daughter not being offered a place in her first choice of University because of the stress can cause her to have an MS relapse.

There should be a domino effect law with consequences if things go wrong.

The domino effect of my landlord not hardwiring his electrical points causing me to cook with Gas rather than Electric. The domino effect of my landlord does not double glazing my flat causing my money to filter through the single glazed windows allowing draughts and me to feel extremely cold in the winter months. The domino effect of me feeling extremely stressed because of his actions.

I believe in helping people, if you cannot help because you don’t want to, you are not a decent human being. Helping does not have to be materialistic or physical it could be guidance, advice, and support.

I also resent people in power demanding extortionate amounts of money to survive whilst the rest of the world has to struggle to make ends meet.

https://www.mirror.co.uk/news/politics/tory-donor-asked-fund-nanny-24022098

Do people that think they are better than you s@#t gold or p@# champagne? Is their blood any different from ours? They still have to do all the same things we do, like eat, sleep, go to the bathroom, work and breathe the same air. Just because you have a high-powered job or have a title does not make you any better, you are still a human being at the end of the day.

Here are 5 steps to release and let go of resentment:

  1. Recognize resentment
  2. Confront your resentment
  3. Find ways to overcome your resentment
  4. Try to forgive
  5. Be grateful for what you have and not what you have lost

Note From the Editor

For me, I might find peace to a certain degree but I will never forgive and will never forget. There is a saying “hell hath no fury as a woman scorned“.

People may say I hold grudges, my answer to that is I move on from the ordeal and do not dwell or hold grudges, but learn from them and will never forget and will not forgive. If someone is looking for forgiveness they should turn to the lord (if you believe) and not to me. People only have one chance to redeem themselves. One cannot repeat the same mistakes over and over. You are either a Hollywood friend or a true friend and I am now an expert at reading people, hence I keep my distance.

#mentalhealth #depression #anxiety #discrimination #clinical depression #ptsd

Emotional Distress.

Emotional Distress. Keeping a diary of your medical condition.

By logging down your good days and bad will give your GP or Specialist a more indepth understanding of your day to day problems.

For me most days are the same but some days are severe.

Today is one of those days.

I actually started this post a few days ago and left it as a draft but my mental health is really taking its toll. For example, I heard my ex-husband is in hospital after suffering a heart attack and has other complications such as lupus and cancer. The last time we spoke was 14 years ago and I felt I had been hit by a truck receiving the news today that he was in ICU in an induced coma and is now in a high dependency ward.

To say that this is a shock is an understatement and there are some people in the family I have reached out to.

I know that our divorce was nasty but there is an element of me that still cares.

I hope he recovers and I will get an update on the weekend but for now my mental health is on another level.

Emotional Distress By One of the Culprits (My Landlord)

Not only that my landlord is playing mind games with me. He sends me an email saying he is extending my contract for another 3 years and has drawn up an agreement (by coincidence on the same day I paid him the increased amount of money), for me to sign but he will not do a digital signature and is insisting he needs to see me. A week after his email I get a text that he will be visiting me today and so far he has not called round or text me. This is causing me no end of anxiety as I need him calling round like I need a hole in my head.

I have a problem with social disconnection and do not want to be around people.

I have explained this in my email and told him due to Covid my business has suffered plus other factors which I said etcetera but what I really meant was him increasing my rent causing me to have severe depression and stress. Yet he seems to be oblivious to the fact I am unwell.

If there are any monsters in this world its the people that show no empathy and only think about themselves.

I have recently found out you can sue people that have caused you distress. You obviously need proof of the distress, anxiety, stress, and depression this person has bestowed on you. My evidence is me publically documenting everyone that has caused me harm. You will have to show medical evidence and have witnesses to prove your case. You can claim for the emotional distress the discrimination has caused you – this is called ‘injury to feelings. You‘ll need to say how the discrimination made you feel.

https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/housing/discrimination-in-housing/taking-action/work-out-how-much-compensation-you-could-get-for-discrimination/

The courts recognize emotional distress as a type of damage that can be recovered through a civil lawsuit. This means you can sue someone for emotional trauma or distress if you can provide evidence to support your claims.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/so-sue-me/201408/suing-emotional-distress-outrageous

#mentalhealth #depression #anxiety #discrimination #clinicaldepression #ptsd

Personal Experience with claiming (PIP)

PERSONAL INDEPENDANCE PAYMENT

When does reform become dangerous?

Over three years ago the Conservatives began to roll out personal independence payments (PIP) – in essence, the mandatory, mass re-testing of disabled and chronically ill people – and the answer is getting stark.

Are you entitled to Personal Independance Payment?

You can appeal by writing an in-depth letter and collecting all the evidence to help with your claim. My evidence is my online journal on this site which I own.


Personal independence payments assessment is designed to punish the poor and ill, regardless if it is a legitimate claim or not. Everyone is thrown into one basket.

A report released by the Muscular Dystrophy UK is the latest piece of evidence to expose an administrative catastrophe: appointments canceled at the last minute, lost applications, year-long delays.

Two in five respondents report being sent to an assessment centre that wasn’t accessible for disabled people. This is designed purposely to save the government money as the people that genuinely want help may give up in the process of fighting back. Not everyone knows how to appeal and if the government makes it hard for them to claim and appeal, the disabled person will just simply just give up. The assement is designed to break you down.

Since the pandemic interviews have been suspended but prior to the lockdown and my own personal experience once you manage to make it inside the building, the picture is as dire: widespread reports of assessors – employed by private firms hired by the Department for Work and Pensions – who showed no respect for disabled people, (this is especially true in my case and the humiliation I personally felt and the length of time I had to stand ), while some didn’t even understand the condition they were testing (one man, with muscular dystrophy, pointed out that the word “progressive” means “muscles don’t come back”).

Once you are at the interview you will be asked to answer a series of questions and perform endurance manoeuvers to see if you can balance on your feet, walk or how mobile you are etc. My daughter’s neurologist wrote in his report my daughter has a spastic gate and the assessor undermined the neurologist report saying my daughter could walk fine.

You will also be asked questions about your finances and if you are coping or if you are in rent arrears and credit card debt to mental health issues. I was asked what I do for a living and did not elaborate on it other than to say I do web design.

I think this form of questioning is to intimidate and degrade you.

Just because one can manage finances does not make you a healthy person. Even if you spend 60 hours or more on the internet working as some entrepreneurs do will not make that person any less disabled.

Even if the person who is an entrepreneur but disabled could successfully trade online would not mean that because they are successful at what they do that there is nothing wrong with them.

I just have a problem with interacting physically and germ contamination, I have no problem being online.

I was personally asked about my toilet hygiene and routine and if I sat on the toilet and how I wiped my you know what and how I maneuvered around in the bathroom. I felt humiliated and felt the whole ordeal very upsetting and I still have anxiety about it to this day. So you can imagine my fear and anxiety of another assessment next year.

One woman, with a muscle-wasting disease, said that she developed panic attacks after her assessment. She is now under the care of a mental health team and doesn’t leave her house.

That the government deliberately built PIP with tightened criteria – and is sitting by as the system descends into disarray – becomes grimmer still when you consider that this is being done to a benefit tied to other essential disability services that people cannot live without.

Without PIP a disabled person can’t access anything from carer’s allowance to severe disability premium. If that isn’t enough, anyone who is rejected – or bumped down to the standard rate – is also barred from the Motability scheme for an accessible car or powered wheelchair.

Sarah, a nurse with progressive muscle wasting and weakness, was seven months pregnant – and was forced to hand back her Motability car. The 29-year-old had been receiving the higher rate of disability living allowance (the predecessor to PIP), but after being reassessed she was knocked down to the standard rate – despite her condition deteriorating.

Sarah could not take her fatigue medicine without affecting her pregnancy, and her disability meant she was at risk of falling when she walksed, and permanent damage. “That vehicle was a lifeline to me,” she says. “I’ve lost my independence.”

Sarah appealed and was due at a tribunal but found it was canceled with just two days’ notice – and no explanation.


The government is skewing benefits appeals against disabled people.

It took the resignation of Iain Duncan Smith and a budget hole of billions to get the mainstream media to shine a light on the disaster of PIP – or many politicians to find a conscience. One cut to the benefit is stopped. A new secretary of state is hired. And the news cycle moves on. The disabled can’t. For many, things are only getting worse.

Between 400 and 500 adapted cars, powered wheelchairs, and scooters are being taken away from disabled people every week. Independence went – with a maximum of seven weeks to hand your lifeline back. As an insight into the logic, let alone empathy, in this system, that’s notably less time than it takes to go to appeal or even to get the results of mandatory reconsideration – meaning the DWP’s ruling can be overturned, but the disabled person’s car or wheelchair will already have been taken. (At the last count, 60% of appeals against PIP were successful).

Darran uses a wheelchair – and has a degenerative muscle wasting disease – but last year was downgraded on PIP and lost his car. In his own words, it left him “housebound and isolated”, and he scraped together the deposit for another accessible vehicle. The DWP later informed Darran that its decision had been “mistaken”, and his old car would be returned. “My £2,000 deposit is non-refundable,” he says. “I’ve lost that money.”

This is starting to look like a game played by the ‘Dr. Evil’s’ of this world with repercussions on ordinary disabled people’s lives. Take away benefits and the sick become destitute. Remove a car or wheelchair and disabled people become housebound. It’s happening right now – and what’s worse, most of the public won’t even know it, not unless people fight for their rights and have advocates speaking on their behalf.

Note From the Editor.

For me I have severe OCD I cannot be around people and my symptoms have only got worse since the pandemic.

I am paranoid about germs“.

I even registered a domain name www.germawareness.co.uk as I think Saliva, Postal System, and Cross Contamination play an important role in spreading germs.

I also have severe depression and the only way I manage is if I self isolate. The only person I can be around is my daughter and she too is disabled with MS.

I can understand why the government has put a tight reign on the benefit and that is to stop people scamming the system. I know of one person personally, that would walk with a walking stick for show but when he was drunk he could walk perfectly normally. The government needs to send out spies on scammers that claim to have bad backs but go grocery shopping when they think no one is looking.

I am the modern-day female version of ‘Howard Hughes’ he suffered from severe OCD and self-isolated.

“I can function to a certain degree, but only in my own quarantined environment and if I have surplus disposable gloves and litres of Dettol Disinfectant on hand if I have intrusive thoughts and my OCD is playing up. I also have a designated area no one can enter or touch”.

I used to be able to venture out but now I have anxiety and panic attacks at the sheer thought of seeing other people. I am fine online but physically is a no-no for me. I used to enjoy going out with my daughter once a month when she had her monthly blood and urine tests done but that all stopped not only because my OCD has worsened but because the hospital has strict rules and that the patient should come in on their own unless they are severely disabled.

Obviously, if my daughter needed urgent emergency assistance outside of my home I would have to bite the bullet and no doubt in my mind burn all my clothing when I came home. My daughter’s being is a high priority to me so I would have to sacrifice my own just to help her, knowing I had a counteracting measure in place to ease my anxiety but that would be in exceptional circumstances.

I remember when I had my last assessment and the assessor claimed there was nothing wrong with me. She insisted on touching my photo ID even though I told her I had OCD and I had to stand for one and half hours as I did not want to sit down on public seating (This is humiliation, discrimination and if it causes harm under duress is also against the human rights act).

She also asked me if I had any suicidal thoughts, well in my opinion that is like handing someone a loaded gun. You simply do not put those thoughts into someone’s head if they say they have severe depression. Whatever is in the medical notes should suffice and some unqualified assessor should not plant a seed into someone’s head. Even if I had suicidal thoughts I would not admit to them, not that I have had, just saying.

(I have a reason to live and hopefully, there may be a cure for my OCD someday). I have set goals and am doing my best to achieve them.

But for someone more vulnerable than myself this is highly unprofessional to ask about suicide.

(I should have recorded the interview).

Imagine the applicant going home after the interview and then attempting their own life all because the assessor gave them the idea.

My assessment is up for renewal next year and there is no way I am going to go as I cannot venture out because of my mental health. I also found out that the DWP Agency Capita employs school leavers who have no professional qualifications. I know this as a fact as my daughter as it happens, knows one of them and they are really good friends. The other thing is this particular person actually spoke about people she had assessed to my daughter.

One can obviously see I am stressing about it a year ahead of my time but if I had enough money and I would not depend on PIP to help me buy disposable gloves and disinfectant at alarming levels.

https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2016/jun/07/pip-disaster-disabled-access-report-benefits

https://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/home-news/philippa-day-inquest-dwp-overdose-benefits-b1793424.html

#personalindependancepayment #pip #disabilityallowance #mobilityallowance #tribunals #pipassessment #pipassessor #capita

Coping With Grief Personal Experience.

Coping With Grief.

It has been 17 years since my father passed away and 14 years since my mother departed. On top of losing my parents, I lost my brother 11 years ago.

The grieving process has left me bitter and angry inside. Why did half my family die? Why could it not have been someone else’s family instead?

The grieving process is no just about people dying it could be a relationship breakup that can leave devasting effects on a person’s mental state of mind.

I have had my fair share of heartaches but nothing beats the death of a relative or partner. With death you cannot check a social media platform to see what the person is up to, you cannot pick up the phone and have a chat. Death is final, there is no communication beyond the grave. You end up feeling robbed and cheated, you feel empty and life feels pointless. You may even become angry and hostile. People move on from grief by re-adapting their lives and filling the empty void with other routines. People may find meeting new people can help.

For me I do not socialize, I do not want to for several reasons, one is because I am busy with work and do not have the time and secondly my OCD is another significant factor. The way I see it spending a couple of hours socializing I could be using that time more pro-actively. Guaranteed every one you socialize with if you asked them to give you, not lend you £20, I bet none of them would, but they would be happy to squander your precious time. Not everyone thinks like me and my time is the difference between bringing food to the table and making something of my life to which my dearly departed would be proud of me for.

Beliefs.

Do I believe in life after death? I have mixed emotions, I think our souls depart and manifest their energy in another form. Do I believe in the paranormal? I believe possibly that our souls can get trapped and cling to things and do not like letting go, hence people see apparitions.

Time.

They say time is a healer. Time may ease the grief and it will not get rid of the memories or the feelings of the inner pain you have in your soul.

I was once asked by a government official how long will it take me to stop grieving. He challenged my grief and I felt his remark cold and cutting it was like him driving a knife through a fresh open wound. I immediately had intense hatred towards this person and to this day I have never forgotten his name (J.M), and one day when I am ready for what it is worth I will send him my book and he will never be able to erase the words he said. One day he too will suffer loss and grieve and it will be my turn to ask him what does it feel like when the shoe is on the other foot. If he or anyone else asked me the same question 14 years later I would still be saying it is as fresh in my mind as it ever was and I am still grieving and have never stopped.

The heaviness in your heart lessens to a certain degree over time but it will never go away. You still have the feeling that you have been robbed and violated because you cannot ever see that person again or speak or touch them. You end up feeling angry and may no longer feel empathetic as you once did. Your tolerance levels are put to the test and you have to learn over again that you still have to be there for the people that matter, so your feelings have the be re-adjusted.

In my opinion, it is good to keep the memory alive of the loss of your loved one by reminiscing about the good old day and setting anniversaries. It is wrong to never mention the person again. I have all my departed souls in photos around me and when I am really sad I can look at them and tell them how I am feeling through my inner thoughts.

Time allows us to learn to cope. Everyone’s routine consumes our lives with challenges in different ways and we have to deal with problems that can override the feelings we have of dispair.

As our lives get busier and we do not have time to wallow in our self-pity, therefore what was the only thing that was on our mind of the loss of a loved one is no longer the number one priority and our thoughts end up on the back burner to re-surface when we have time to reflect on times gone by.

Setting Goals.

For me, I have learned to cope, I have my own unique routine and always keep myself busy so that I do not have time to dwell on what has happened in my life. I cannot allow that feeling to control me and although my anguish and dispair could easily rear its ugly head at any time I am able to suppress my thoughts, with my medication, and also my mission in life. I have set myself goals and I intend to achieve them with determination, with nothing standing in my way.

If you were to ask me how I feel towards people and life without my loved ones around, I can say hand on heart the only thing that is keeping me going is the goals I am trying to achieve and seeing my daughter graduate and make a good start in her life. Nothing else matters, no person and no materialistic object. I am on a mission to fulfill my legacy and my inner thoughts will be hidden until one day when I am ready to reveal them all in my autobiography I am writing.

Life.

I tolerate life. I know I have to secure my daughter’s future as she too will grieve my loss of losing me one day, so I have a master plan to leave her a legacy she will be proud and honored to remember. My way of coping is to not give up on life but to carry on even though it may increase my Anxiety, Stress & OCD levels more, I still muster the courage to plod on.

My family and my work are the only things that drives me.

Grief can lead to Trauma, PTSD, depression, anxiety, and other mental health issues such as OCD. It is nature’s way of coping.

I do not give medical advice and if you are experiencing grief and other symptoms you must seek help from a professional, e.g. first stop, your local GP.

https://www.sueryder.org/how-we-can-help/someone-close-to-me-has-died/advice-and-support/how-can-i-cope-with-bereavement?gclid=EAIaIQobChMIy6_di9ej8AIVj9eyCh2BEAb1EAAYAiAAEgLC8vD_BwE

Final Thoughts

No one can judge me without having walked in my shoes”.

#grief #grieving #grievingprocess #healing #lossofalovedone #loss #dying #departed #death

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