Category: Emotions (Page 1 of 2)

What is Narcissism

What is Narcisissism.

Narcissism is a PERSONALITY DISORDER, it is defined by the pursuit of POWER wanting other people to see you as IMPORTANT. Seeking gratification for everything you do including ooking for COMPLIMENTS AND ADMIRATION from a personal self-image to being RECOGNISED for the things you may do. It is the feeling that you love yourself so much that you expect others to love you too and in the same way. A Narcissitic person wants to be NO 1 in everything they do and wants CONTROL of his/her surroundings. The term originated from Greek mythology, where a young man named Narcissus fell in love with his own image reflected in a pool of water.

Todays post was prompted by a comment that was made on another post which got me thinking I should write about Narcissism as this has affected me personally and over the years I tried to evaluate this particular individual that essentially tried to control me.

At first this person who will remain nameless for now was introduced to me by a friend. My first impressions was I did not like him, call it a gut feeling if you will. However it was at the time where I was feeling alone and wanting deperately, someone, anyone to comfort me as I had lost both my parents in a short space of time. It was after several meetings through my social circles I had, I met this person again.

The first time I met him he was very drunk and the times after that he was sober but it was a favour for a friend I ended up meeting him alone (Jan 2010 – all will be revealed in my book). Pleasantly surprised, I found him charming and funny and thought perhaps I had read him wrong and gave him another chance.

It was not long after we started dating and being extremely naive at the time it did not cross my mind that he was interested in me as I had inherited a lot of money. However tragedy struck again within a month of me dating him when I lost my brother.

I felt my life was falling apart and needed someone to help me hold it together.

Obviously being fairly well off I was able to fund holidays abroad and it was most probably four months into our relationship I experienced the first outburst. I brushed it off as I thought maybe he was having an off day as most people do not see eye to eye at some point in their relationship and I just thought it was a one off incident.

He showed no signs of being narcissistic until most probably a year later where he would start to question everything I did and who I was with and the first serious incident was when he sprayed an concoction of chemicals in my eyes and temporarily blinded me.

I will be the first person to admit I was very stupid with what played out after, as I refused to press charges against him. I thought I could reason with him, CHANGE HIM and make him learn from his mistakes, I even suggested therapy, how wrong was I, as it was three year after the first major incident he struck again this time kicking my knee seven times until it dislocated and to this day I now have problems with it and will have to have an operation to have it fixed. I even tried analysing his background as I noticed people in his birthplace very abusive to their partners which made think this is their way of life. His mother even admitted to being abusive to her disabled husband when he was alive, so it could even be a trait copied from his mother.

Obviously he did other things in between these incidents, in which it is all now very difficult to recall and buried deep, but I have logged all the evidence as the incidents occurred at the time, just to protect myself.

What did I learn from this:

  1. Never trust anyone implicitly.
  2. Do not believe you can change a person because you can’t.
  3. The first signs of any abuse find a way to end the relationship.
  4. Have an escape plan.
  5. Tell everyone, friends and family about this person.
  6. Isolate yourself from this person. Have an escape plan.
  7. Know the signs especially if the perpetrator shows no empathy.
  8. Do not make excuses for the narcissist, do not make excuses to yourself saying this was a one off incident or the person will change, because they won’t.
  9. Recognise all the traits.
  10. Empower yourself with confidence and start to love yourself again.

For me I have not really reflected on how I have felt as I buried it under tonnes of work and have always kept myself busy in order not to think and dwell on the past. The past is history and if anything it tought me a life lesson in which I can safetly say I will never be in the same situation again and can forewarn others through my own personal experience. I was stupid and naive to put up with all the BS and all the abuse I endured, I was in a viscious cycle everytime time something happened I would say to myself next time it will not happen but next time alway did. Eventually one day I said enough is enough and have not looked back since. Kicking my knee was what broke the camel’s back so to speak and I was lucky as it could have been a totally different story.

The traits to look out for are:

  1. Lack of Empathy. “The inability to identify with or recognise the experiences and feelings of other people. Everything is about them and belongs to them,”. When I asked the perpertrator to explain why he did the things that he did, he could not give me an answer, did not show guilt or remorse and was unapologetic.
  2. Manipulation. The ability to twist the situation to better suit their narrative is a poignant personality trait that all egotistical people possess. The perpertrator managed to always blame me for everything that he was not happy with. He would judge me all the time.
  3. Projection. Projection is a defence or an unconscious pattern that occurs when the person feels psychologically threatened, they will then accuse you of doing something to throw the linelight off themselves, a good example is the person who is cheating accuses his partner of cheating. He used to always accuse me of being unfaithful.
  4. Emotionally cold. I said earlier in a reponse to a comment that I was cold as ice, but what I failed to say I also have empathy, I do have feelings and I know when I am wrong. My life experience has made more thick skinned and if say someone critises me I just take that as their own opinion. Theres a saying “what does not kill you makes you stronger”. An emotionally cold or distant trait normally surfaces during arguments when one person is experiencing and expressing significant emotion and the narcissistic person just lets your emotions go over his/her head and does not respond, giving you a cold shoulder. This essentially makes you feel alone and unloved.
  5. Gaslighting. Doing things deliberately in order to question yourself, whilst taking the onus off themselves. Gaslighting term first arose from the 1930’s play Gas Light, where a husband, in an attempt to drive his wife crazy, kept turning down the gas-powered lights in the house. When the wife asked why he is dimming the lights, he denied it and said they were no dimmer. Over time the wife would start to question herself and eventually found herself going mad. “Gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse that involves denying a person’s experience and making statements, such as ‘that never happened’ or ‘you are too sensitive”,
  6. Never Taking Responsibility. Knowing when you are wrong and admitting to your wrong doings or flaws makes us the bigger person, however with narcissists it is the polar opposite. A narcissist is a master of his/her own illusion and will try to avoid the blame with lying, cheating etc. A narcissist will make up complex excuses and rationalise anything, just so that they are left to blame.
  7. Controlling. The definition of controlling partner means that in most common manifestations of their relationship the narcissist will monitor your whereabouts at all times, checking your emails and text messages, criticising your appearance, and making nearly all important decisions, with little regard for your opinion. In my case not matter have immaculately I dressed and kept my appearance I was always critised and called names. I had my phone taken off me (If I did not give him what he wanted I would get physically abused) and he would post and invite his ex girlfriends onto my Facebook. He would check to see who I was meeting and check my text messages.
  8. Grandiose. Grandiosity is a pattern in which a person tends to exaggerate accomplishments, talents, connections, and experiences. In the case of my abuser he told tails about his past life but I never really believed in anything he said. The narcissist usually do not have to be real experiences, grandiose people tend to maintain over-the-top fantasy worlds. Grandiosity can also be manifested by a sense of self-importance, a belief that their existence is bigger and more important than anyone else’s and certainly more important than yours.
  9. Panic. A narcisist will panic if you threaten to break up or leave them, ss soon as you back away, a narcissist will try that much harder to keep you in their lives. They will do everything and anything to shower you with affection, they will say all the right things to make you think they have changed so that you never leave them and the cycle continues round and round until oneday day you say enough is enough.
  10. Mentally & Physically Abusive. Aswell as playing mind games a narcissist may also become physically violent in order to have control over you. When this happens do not hang around and have an exit plan to get away. In my case I stopped my abuser visiting me and changed the locks, I also showed him all the evidence I have collated and what I will do with it should he ever try to come near me again. So far touch wood it has worked. If you live with your abuser you must make an exit plan where you can grab a bag and run. Make a list of people you can confide in, set up secret codes. Fill your bag with important documents passports, money etc. Just take the essentials so that you can escape to somewhere safe. Or wait for them to leave and change the locks and call the police. For me my abuser is out of my life and I have seen he has moved on as he is in a relationship with someone else, which means he no longer has any use for me.

A narcissist will only move on when they find someone else they can prey on.

That is why narcissists are not loyal and are more likely to play the field. A narcissist can never find love as they are never satisfied with what they have and will always be looking for something better.

Royal Mail VS Other Couriers.

Royal Mail Vs Courier.

This post is a mixture of two posts rolled into one (no pun intended).

  1. The First Being Logistics.
  2. The Second About Disabilities.

History of Royal Mail was originally established in 1516 as a department of the by the Royal Family. The company’s subsidiary company Royal Mail Group Limited which operates the brands Royal Mail (letters) and Parcelforce Worldwide (parcels).

The company provides mail collection and delivery services throughout the UK and is now a private company after it’s shares where floated on the stock exchange in 2015.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Royal_Mail

GRIEVANCE

Now my grievance is that such a big company has no online chat and if one wanted to lodge a complaint this is what they say “We are currently experiencing very high call volumes”, this tells me their service is not up to scratch and they have not employed enough people to deal with the demand and are delivering a poor service. The reponse time is between 10 and 35 days.

For people with mental health an immune disorders this is absoulutely inacceptable.

Employ more staff or give up your yearly bonuses and have a cut in salary meaning salaries from the top and that way you will be able to afford to employ more people.

Just because you are a PLC company there have been many before you which have tried and failed in our current climate with businesses going bust left right and centre.

You have to stay ahead of your competion, you need to dig deep into your pockets to survive.

Furthermore their website is not straight forward to navigate and I should know as I build websites.

“There should be no room for error”.

Any decent company should have online chat.

So this is the domino effect of a company simply not doing their jobs properly as I will explain:

Two parcels were sent on the 12/01/21 from the same Royal Mail Post Office, one to ‘Amazon’ and the other to ‘Pretty Little Thing’. The Amazon notification came within 24 hours and refund within 48 hours but for ‘Pretty Little Thing’ the parcel is still in the sorting office even though ‘Royal Mail’ aim to deliver in one working day.

Now considering there is a time frame for when things can be returned and my daughters return date is bordering on the deadline, you would think they would speed things along.

My daughter who suffers with Multiple Scleroris is on the verge of having a relapse because of ‘Royal Mail’.

Multiple Sclerosis can leave a person wheelchair or bed bound, so as her carer I think it is only right to ruffle a few feathers.

To think before Christmas someone refused to use Royal Mail to send a fragile gift and I tried defending the company I now have egg on my face, so has my daugher.

Unless the company can up with a quick plan of action I will not be saying a good word about this company.

The CEO is Stuart Simpson.

What is Anxiety

What is Anxiety.

Believe it or not everyone suffers from Anxiety at some point in their lives. It is the most NORMAL psychological feeling anyone can have.

However, when a person regularly feels disproportionate levels of anxiety, it may be due to an underlying condition in which it becomes a mental health disorder.

Anxiety disorders are categorised through medical health diagnoses that can lead to excessive nervousness, fear, apprehension, and worry.

For example I am suffering with anxiety today, the lack of reassurance and with no support system in place to tell me everything will be ok is causing me to over think and worry.

I have no motivation and my concentration levels are easily broken by distracted intrusive thoughts. The persisting feeling of uncertainty and what my landlord is planning to do or not do is making me very ill right now.

Yes I know I can report my landlord for not doing his job properly but with that there is a domino effect, a consequence to an action and I do not want to risk loosing my home. I also do not want court battles etc as I have no energy. I need to stay focused which is the most important thing in my life, my business.

I do take medication but I only take it about an hour before I go to sleep as I do not want to feel zonked out and drowsy during the day.

I live on Monster White Ultra Energy Drinks to keep me awake.

Anxiety Mental Health disorders alter how a person processes thought and emotions. Mild anxiety might be unoticeable to an onlooker yet still might be unsettling to the sufferer, whilst severe anxiety may cause serious psychological problems where the sufferer may show obvious signs which affect their day-to-day living.

Anxiety disorders affects over 40 million people in the United States alone. In 2013, there were 8.2 million cases of anxiety in the UK. In England women are almost twice as likely to be diagnosed with anxiety disorders as to men (Men have difficulty asking for help). However there are many people that fall through the cracks and are left untreated. People who suffer with anxiety are more prone to turning to alcohol or substance abuse such as recreational drugs etc to relieve the build up of tension.

We first need to recognise the difference between normal feelings of anxiety and an anxiety disorder requiring medical attention.

When an sufferer faces potentially harmful or worrying triggers, these feelings of anxiety are not only normal but necessary for survival.

The feeling of anxiety causes a rush of adrenalin, a hormone and chemical messenger in the brain, which in turn triggers these anxious reactions in a process called the “fight-or-flight’ response. These alarms become noticeable in the form of a raised heartbeat (palpitations), sweating, and increased sensitivity to surroundings.

From as early on as stoneage we have adapted a protection mechanism whereby running from large animals and imminent danger caused us to have feelings of anxiety. As humans we have evolved and our surrounding have changed, we may not be in danger from the animal kingdom but more so from a concrete jungle. Anxieties now revolve around work, money, family life, health, and other pressing issues that demand a person’s attention without necessarily requiring the ‘fight-or-flight’ reaction.

People are more aware about the dangers surrounding them yet insecurities do play an active role that allows the sufferer to bring up barriers which is essential to our survival. Anxiety of being involved in a road traffic accident for example will make the sufferer be more vigilant and careful whilst driving.

The sufferer may develop physical symptoms, such as increased blood pressure and nausea and headaches.

The APA The American Psychological Association defines a person with anxiety disorder as “having recurring intrusive thoughts.” Once the sufferer experiences anxiety reaching this stage of a disorder, it can may well interfere with day to day ability to function properly and will need medical attention.

Symptoms

The symptoms of generalized anxiety disorder (GAD) will often include the following:

  • a feeling of restlessness or being “on-edge”
  • a feeling of uncontrollable worry
  • a feeling of insecurities
  • a feeling of agitation
  • a feeling of intense anger
  • a feeling of little or no patience and increased irritability
  • a feeling of little or no concentration
  • a problem sleeping, such as insomnia or the polar opposite of wanting to sleep all day
  • a feeling of hopelessness and that nothing matters any more
  • the lack of motivation
  • the lack of energy
  • stop taking care of themselves and may engage in risky behavior.
  • withdraw or isolate themselves from other people

Whilst these symptoms can manifest with the best of us not all of us can cope as well as we should.

If the symptoms persist and linger, it may be time to talk it over with your GP. No one should suffer in silence.

More Reading: https://www.apa.org/topics/holiday-stress

Final Thoughts.

Whilst I am suffering because of uncertainties in my life, I am grateful I have medication to help me sleep. I do not keep alcohol in my home as that is a recipe for disaster. I have learnt that although I am not an alcoholic and never have been, I do not trust myself when I am not in a controlled state. Sometimes drinking can even influence the anxiety to the extreme.

I would advise anyone experiencing axienty issues to consult their local doctor.

For me I will just have to confront my anxiety head on whenever that time will be and prepare myself for a worst case scenario. The prolonged feeling and uncertainty is the worst of not knowing what is going to happen.

I have only landlord and the pat testing electricians to blame for this, as my landlord should have had made sure the kitchen was safe to use, considering he had pat testing at the beginning part of the year. You would think that the company knew what they were doing but I can find faults in all the work they did and will doing my own report as evidence.

As a foot note from my own personal experience try to occupy your mind with something else other than what is troubling you. Watch a film or a documentary. Do an online course or read a book or take up a hobby like blogging, painting, photography or baking etc.

Although I am fortunate to own several blogs and in a way it is therapy for me, I still am battling my inner demons and can’t wait to confront the one person that is making me feel this way. I am not going to harrass him with endless text messages, he received a message and email from me so I have done my part. Seeing as he chose to ignore me it just says what type of human being he is aswell as what kind of landlord.

AMAZON BOOK STORE

Fear – What is Fear.

What is Fear And How Can we Deal With It.

Fear is an emotion that is natural, powerful, and primitive. It involves a universal biochemical response as well as a high individual emotional response.

Fear notifies us of the perceived presence of danger or the threat of harm, whether that danger is physical or psychological.

Fear is related to Phobia’s and Anxiety.

The difference between fear and a phobia lies in the normality of fear, versus the abnormal features of a phobia. Phobias are characterized by:

  • Persistent fear, despite being presented with evidence that the fear is unfounded
  • Exposure elicits intense fear and anxiety, sometimes even a panic attack
  • Irrational and unreasonable fear
  • The affected individual recognizes that the fear is unfounded and excessive (except in young children)
  • Powerlessness to control the intense fear

The distinction between a fear and a phobia can blur with small children. Childhood fears are a normal part of development. However, unlike phobias, normal childhood fears involve an ordinary fear response, have a minimal effect on daily function and revolves as the child matures.

Treatment is only required for childhood fears if they significantly impair function, cause unduly severe fear and anxiety, or persist despite the child’s development; in other words, if they cross the line and become phobias.

https://www.therecoveryvillage.com/mental-health/phobias/related/fear-vs-phobia/

Top List of Fears

1. Fear that we could loose our job

2. Fear we may loose our life partner (husband, wife, boyfrind, girlfriend)

3. Fear of never being good enough

4. Fear we may get into debt

5. Fear we may loose our homes

6. Fear we may become homeless

7. Fear we may become fat

8. Fear we may never find a job

9. Fear of Getting Fat

10. Fear of not passing an exam

11. Fear of being a failure

12 Fear we may never find a partner, anyone to date or live with

13. Fear of being lonely

14. Fear of not making friends

15. Fear of loosing a baby

16. Fear of loosing your children

17). Fear of being assaulted

18). Fear of being raped

19. Fear of being burgled

20. Fear of loosing everything

21. Fear of never succeeding

22. Fear of change

23. Fear of Contracting a Disease

24. Fear of Dying

25. Fear of not being attractive.

Top 100 Phobia List

These are the top 100 phobias in the world, with the most common ones listed from the top. You can click on each phobia to learn about causes, symptoms and treatments.

  1. Arachnophobia – The fear of spiders affects women four times more (48% women and 12% men).
  2. Ophidiophobia – The fear of snakes. Phobics avoid certain cities because they have more snakes.
  3. Acrophobia – The fear of heights. Five percent of the general population suffer from this phobia.
  4. Agoraphobia – The fear of open or crowded spaces. People with this fear often wont leave home.
  5. Cynophobia – The fear of dogs. This includes everything from small Poodles to large Great Danes.
  6. Astraphobia – The fear of thunder/lightning AKA Brontophobia, Tonitrophobia, Ceraunophobia.
  7. Claustrophobia – The fear of small spaces like elevators, small rooms and other enclosed spaces.
  8. Mysophobia – The fear of germs. It is also rightly termed as Germophobia or Bacterophobia.
  9. Aerophobia – The fear of flying. 25 million Americans share a fear of flying.
  10. Trypophobia – The fear of holes is an unusual but pretty common phobia.
  11. Carcinophobia – T he fear of cancer. People with this develop extreme diets.
  12. Thanatophobia – The fear of death. Even talking about death can be hard.
  13. Glossophobia – The fear of public speaking. Not being able to do speeches.
  14. Monophobia – The fear of being alone. Even while eating and/or sleeping.
  15. Atychiphobia – The fear of failure. It is the single greatest barrier to success.
  16. Ornithophobia – The fear of birds. Individuals suffering from this may only fear certain species.
  17. Alektorophobia – The fear of chickens. You may have this phobia if chickens make you panic.
  18. Enochlophobia – The fear of crowds is closely related to Ochlophobia and Demophobia.
  19. Aphenphosmphobia – The fear of intimacy. Fear of being touched and love.
  20. Trypanophobia – The fear of needles. I used to fear needles (that and death).
  21. Anthropophobia – The fear of people. Being afraid of people in all situations.
  22. Aquaphobia – The fear of water. Being afraid of water or being near water.
  23. Autophobia – The fear of abandonment and being abandoned by someone.
  24. Hemophobia – The fear of blood. Even the sight of blood can cause fainting.
  25. Gamophobia – The fear of commitment or sticking with someone to the end.
  26. Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia – The fear of long words. Believe it or not, it’s real.
  27. Xenophobia – The fear of the unknown. Fearing anything or anyone that is strange or foreign.
  28. Vehophobia – The fear of driving. This phobia affects personal and work life.
  29. Basiphobia – The fear of falling. Some may even refuse to walk or stand up.
  30. Achievemephobia – The fear of success. The opposite to the fear of failure.
  31. Theophobia – The fear of God causes an irrational fear of God or religion.
  32. Ailurophobia – The fear of cats. This phobia is also known as Gatophobia.
  33. Metathesiophobia – The fear of change. Sometimes change is a good thing.
  34. Globophobia – The fear of balloons. They should be fun, but not for phobics.
  35. Nyctophobia – The fear of darkness. Being afraid of the dark or the night is common for kids.
  36. Androphobia – The fear of men. Usually seen in younger females, but it can also affect adults.
  37. Phobophobia – The fear of fear. The thought of being afraid of objects/situations.
  38. Philophobia – The fear of love. Being scared of falling in love or emotions.
  39. Triskaidekaphobia – The fear of the number 13 or the bad luck that follows.
  40. Emetophobia – The fear of vomiting and the fear of loss of your self control.
  41. Gephyrophobia – The fear of bridges and crossing even the smallest bridge.
  42. Entomophobia – The fear of bugs and insects, also related to Acarophobia.
  43. Lepidopterophobia – The fear of butterflies and often most winged insects.
  44. Panophobia – The fear of everything or fear that terrible things will happen.
  45. Podophobia – The fear of feet. Some people fear touching or looking at feet, even their own.
  46. Paraskevidekatriaphobia – The fear of Friday the 13th. About 8% of Americans have this phobia.
  47. Somniphobia – The fear of sleep. Being terrified of what might happen right after you fall asleep.
  48. Gynophobia – The fear of women. May occur if you have unresolved mother issues.
  49. Apiphobia – The fear of bees. Many people fear being stung by angry bees.
  50. Koumpounophobia – The fear of buttons. Clothes with buttons are avoided.
  51. Anatidaephobia – The fear of ducks. Somewhere, a duck is watching you.
  52. Pyrophobia – The fear of fire. A natural/primal fear that can be debilitating.
  53. Ranidaphobia – The fear of frogs. Often caused by episodes from childhood.
  54. Galeophobia – The fear of sharks in the ocean or even in swimming pools.
  55. Athazagoraphobia – The fear of being forgotten or not remembering things.
  56. Katsaridaphobia – The fear of cockroaches. This can easily lead to an excessive cleaning disorder.
  57. Iatrophobia – The fear of doctors. Do you delay doctor visits? You may have this.
  58. Pediophobia – The fear of dolls. This phobia could well be Chucky-induced.
  59. Ichthyophobia – The fear of fish. Includes small, large, dead and living fish.
  60. Achondroplasiaphobia – The fear of little people. As they look differently.
  61. Mottephobia – The fear of moths. These insects are only beautiful to some.
  62. Zoophobia – The fear of animals. Applies to both vile and harmless animals.
  63. Bananaphobia – The fear of bananas. If you have this phobia, they are scary.
  64. Sidonglobophobia – The fear of cotton balls or plastic foams. Oh that sound.
  65. Scelerophobia – The fear of crime involves being afraid of burglars, attackers or crime in general.
  66. Cibophobia – The fear of food. The phobia may come from a bad episode while eating, like choking.
  67. Phasmophobia – The fear of ghosts. AKA Spectrophobia. Who you gonna call? Ghostbusters!
  68. Equinophobia – The fear of horses. Animal phobias are pretty common, especially for women.
  69. Musophobia – The fear of mice. Some people find mice cute, but phobics don’t.
  70. Catoptrophobia – The fear of mirrors. Being afraid of what you might see.
  71. Agliophobia – The fear of pain. Being afraid something painful will happen.
  72. Tokophobia – The fear of pregnancy involves giving birth or having children.
  73. Telephonophobia – The fear of talking on the phone. Phobics prefer texting.
  74. Pogonophobia – The fear of beards or being scared of/around bearded men.
  75. Omphalophobia – The fear of belly buttons. Touching and looking at navels.
  76. Pseudodysphagia – The fear of choking often after a bad eating experience.
  77. Bathophobia – The fear of depths can be anything associated with depth (lakes, tunnels, caves).
  78. Cacomorphobia – The fear of fat people. Induced by the media. Affects some anorexics/bulimics.
  79. Gerascophobia – The fear of getting old. Aging is the most natural thing, yet many of us fear it.
  80. Chaetophobia – The fear of hair. Phobics tend to be afraid of other peoples hair.
  81. Nosocomephobia – The fear of hospitals. Let’s face it, no one likes hospitals.
  82. Ligyrophobia – The fear of loud noises. More than the instinctive noise fear.
  83. Didaskaleinophobia – The fear of school. This phobia affects kids mostly.
  84. Technophobia – The fear of technology is often induced by culture/religion.
  85. Chronophobia – The fear of the future. A persistent fear of what is to come.
  86. Spheksophobia – The fear of wasps. You panic and fear getting stung by it.
  87. Ergophobia – The fear of work. Often due to social or performance anxiety.
  88. Coulrophobia – The fear of clowns. Some people find clowns funny, coulrophobics certainly don’t.
  89. Allodoxaphobia – The fear of opinions. Being afraid of hearing what others are thinking of you.
  90. Samhainophobia – The fear of Halloween affects children/superstitious people.
  91. Photophobia – The fear of light caused by something medical or traumatic.
  92. Disposophobia – The fear of getting rid of stuff triggers extreme hoarding.
  93. Numerophobia – The fear of numbers and the mere thought of calculations.
  94. Ombrophobia – The fear of rain. Many fear the rain due to stormy weather.
  95. Coasterphobia – The fear of roller coasters. Ever seen Final Destination 3?
  96. Thalassophobia – The fear of the ocean. Water, waves and unknown spaces.
  97. Scoleciphobia – The fear of worms. Often because of unhygienic conditions.
  98. Kinemortophobia – The fear of zombies. Being afraid that zombies attack and turn you into them.
  99. Myrmecophobia – The fear of ants. Not as common as Arachnophobia, but may feel just as intense.
  100. Taphophobia – The fear of being buried alive by mistake and waking up in a coffin underground.

Fear is an intrusive thought that we battle within our heads when we feel insecure. Fear is the figment of our imagination. If we can visualise a traumatic event we may start to believe it may happen and our brain sends signals for us to be on guard.

Fear is related to anxiety and is a psychological, physiological, and behavioral state induced in animals and humans by a threat to well-being or survival, either actual or potential. Fear is characterized by increased arousal, expectancy, autonomic and neuroendocrine activation, and specific behavior patterns. Our behavioural patterns to changes is the facilitation of a coping mechanism where we are in a situation whereby it may be adverse or unexpected. Pathological anxiety interferes with our ability to cope successfully with life challenges. Vulnerability to psychopathology appears to be a consequence of predisposing factors (or traits), which result from numerous gene-environment interactions during development (particularly during the perinatal period) and experience (life events), in this review, the biology of fear and anxiety will be examined from systemic (brain-behavior relationships, neuronal circuitry, and functional neuroanatomy) and cellular/molecular (neurotransmitters, hormones, and other biochemical factors) points of view, with particular reference to animal models. These models have been instrumental in establishing the biological correlates of fear and anxiety, although the recent development of noninvasive investigation methods in humans, such as the various neuroimaging techniques, certainly opens new avenues of research in this field. Our current knowledge of the biological bases of fear and anxiety is already impressive, and further progress toward models or theories integrating contributions from the medical, biological, and psychological sciences can be expected.

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3181681/

FINAL NOTES

I have my own fears and anxieties and even if i shared them with you it would not help me. I need to find the strength within me to overcome my anxiety, fear and vulnerabilities. Everyone at some point in their lives feels insecure and scared.

I am working on overcoming my fears by writing my thoughts. I also within my writing am building a portfolio of ammunition that I can use if my fears actually materialise.

Do try to face your fears, write them down if you have to or tell someone. Do not keep your fears festering inside as nothing good will come out of it if you.

I try to stay positive as best I can even if the world is throwing boulders at me. I know I will overcome my obstacles and try not to digress on the the bad things that have happened and try to move on at best I can when i am not at my lowest.

On a scale of 1 being fine and 20 being really bad I am 20 plus.

In the last seven days my emotions have taken a battering, and I am anxious and depressed, so it may take me some time to get myself out of this dark place that I am in, no thanks to three entities that have ruined Christmas for me.

Stay safe and speak soon.

Christmas Stress Due to Depression & OCD

Christmas Stress Due to Depression and OCD.

As most of you know I suffer with Depression and OCD. I have good days and bad days and this last week has made my illnesses sky rocket.

Had the electricians that did Pat Testing the begining part of the year done their jobs properly and seen that the cooker sockets where inside the hot zone that they should have corrected it.

However because they did not do this, this has created a domino effect when one thing happens after another due to consequences of peoples actions. Now as you know my cooker arrived which I paid for (more fool me) seeing as I have never had a cooker change in the last 24 years of living at my rented residence, you would have thought the landlord would be happy. I told him I was buying a cooker months ago but conveniently he has forgotten.

So to add insult to injury it has been a week since the cooker was delivered and it is still not been installed.

I was told my landlord would turn up on Saturday then at near enough Midnight he text me to say he would be coming Monday or Tuesday (No Show) so I text him yesterday and asked if he was coming today this was a hours ago and so far he has ignored me.

You have to also know what type of landlord he is, I reported another fault in March of this year and he only had it fixed in December so you can imagine the pace he goes.

The chain reaction of events has caused me to to go into severe depression and I am in a very dark place at the moment (This is now my landlords fault for making me feel like this as he was the last straw, the straw that broke the camels back to speak).

This is the main factor of my depression at the moment.

But there are additional factors whereby because I am disabled I have a disabled sticker on my wheelie refuse bin, so all the wheelie bins on the street were emptied apart from mine and I checked with the council and there was no reason why my bin was not emptied so my rubbish will pile up for another two weeks in which keeping rubbish in my home is against health and safety and I do not want to attract mice.

I have had problems with mice before and when my neighbour lived down stairs with her cats we had no mice but the moment she left we ended having a mice problems.

I took it upon myself to allow my daughter to have a kitten who is now 1 yr 6 months years old it was supposed to be also good for her Multiple Sclerosis therapy and is an eco friendly mice deterrent.

Now when my landlord came about 6 months ago just before the first lockdown to inspect the property he mentioned nothing about the cat but because I have essentially caused him to loose money because of this cooker installation he has now said he can smell cat urine on the entrance of the flat and up our staircase and that he will need to buy a new carpet.

This is his way to scamming me as he will buy a cheap carpet and charge me through the roof for changing it. He will have to pay me back for the cooker in that case…..touché.

He scammed me once before by changing the dates of when the rent was due by asking for the rent two weeks after I paid my monthly rent and then moved the rent forward by a month essentially got 6 weeks rent in one month.

“Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me fool me three times I will publically shame you”, (although he fooled me once he won’t be fooling me again).

These are very challenging times for me and only I can get through this, but I still can blame people for making me feel the way I do.

To top it all I phoned the retailer yesterday to see where my refund was seeing as I had waited five working days and they said there was a ‘system error’ and I have to wait a further five working days.

If I treated my customers the way Blue Chip Companies treat theirs, I would most certainlynot have any business left.

No consideration for peoples mental health.

Famous People Suffer With Mental Health.

It just shows even famous A-Listers have demons that they fight with in their heads.

I wrote a post why people do not care and now I can prove the point.

FINAL THOUGHTS!

For me to be treated by my landlord like a third rate citizen is unforgivable and down right, ignorant and rude with no apology absolutely nothing.

If he was too ill he could have got his assistant to message me, rather than blank me altogether.

Out of courtesy I would have if I were in his shoes been more transparent, just shows the difference in class of people we are.

My landlord has now caused me to sink into a deep well of depression”.

Because he owns the property he thinks he is better than me.

I on the other hand see it as cheap rent and somewhere to sleep.

I certainly would not call it home.

One day the tables will be turned and he will wish he treated me differently.

“Show respect and you will earn respect”

Sorry if I have ranted on about myself but I find writing my thoughts is a bit like therapy, I am releasing the tension and the anger and sharing it with you.

I am not bothering to contact my landlord again and will see how long it takes him to show his face.

As a paying tenant I have a right to have a cooker and if I was trying to do him a favour I can essentially insist he re-imburses me including all the takeouts and persished food, not to mention PTSD and compensation for work I could essentially loose because I am too ill to work because of his antics and his cowboy contractors.

“On a scale of 1 feeling fine and 20 feeling really low I am 20 plus at the moment and am feeling extremely anxoious as to my Landlords next move. I personally do not know how he can face me again seeing he ruined my Christmas and I am subjected to takeout every day at an average cost of £30 per day as I have no other means of cooking”.

https://www.jmw.co.uk/services-for-you/personal-injury/compensation-calculator/head-injury/post-traumatic-stress-disorder

Christmas Stress.

CHRISTMAS STRESS!

I wrote yesterday on my other blog about appliance retailers not mentioning anything about ‘Hot Spots’, hence this is the reason for my post today. I am ‘Extremely Stressed’ to the point I want to curl up into a ball and cry.

Curl Up In a Ball and Cry.

My brand new cooker was delivered last Thursday, to to date it has not been installed.

Who can I blame, the retailer, the landlord or the incompetent electricians that did pat testing at the beginning of the year or perhaps all three?

My OCD is so guarded I cannot face another soul at the moment and it does not help that I have to wait on my landlord who does not give you a time just turns up whenever he feels like it, with no consideration for my disability or my business.

I am getting extremely anxious as Christmas is only a few days away and it looks at the moment I will be toasting marshmallows over a candle at this rate rather than tucking into a Christmas Dinner.

I am not joking when I say all I will have for Christmas dinner is Cheese & Biscuits at this rate followed by marshmallows for desert.

My landlord has his own illnesses and has not come round because he is unwell. He texts messages me near enough Midnight most days, which I find very rude. Some people do not know about etiquette. You would think he would phone or text at a decent hour.

I could try to find someone to re-wire the electrics and a gas engineer but we are on Lockdown so this is going to be virtually impossible. I could not make this up if I tried.

I am not going to say anything at the moment but if my Christmas is going to be ruined I will shout from the roof tops the incompetent pat testing electricians and make sure they loose business.

How am I going to even be compensated for this?

I really have had enough of everything right now and if I did have any Christmas Spirit it has diminished.

The pat testing electricians never mentioned or did anything about the plug socket which was in the middle of the hot zone at the beginning part of the year.

My landlord should sue the electricians.

They also installed a smoke alarm in every room yet I live in a flat with one floor (so all I needed was one alarm). They ruined the artex ceiling in the living room and when my landlord asked them the other day Thursday to be exact to come out rather than move the socket they covered it up 🤬😡🤬 They even did not check my chandalier which in my opinion is a hazard along with the dimmer switch. Total cowboys…..

My Hot Zone With Sockets Covered Up (Against Safety Regulations) 🙂

I could give a long list of things wrong in my flat, from the black mold on my walls clothing and furniture to the electrics that were never checked and my landlord was invoiced for.

These incompetent electricians which I will make internet famous all for the wrong reasons, will feel my wrath when the time is right. They have caused me a lot of uneccessary stress, which I certainly could do without.

The domino effect has started for every domino that gets knocked over there will be a consequence.

Will I ever market this company (hell no) and will make sure they know it aswell. It is wrong to write about someone behind their back just like it’s the same as talking about them behind their back, so once Christmas is over I will shoot them an email and will forward my posts.

The uncertainty of not knowing if my landlord will turn up or if my cooker will be installed before Christmas is causing my OCD to sky rocket.

Every person I am dealing with including the Amazon delivery drivers who are so laid back as if they have no care in the world are irratating me. Clearly seeing me on a foot path outside my home with my t-shirt and leggings on and my passport in my hand as I had ordered something of 18 years verification, you would think they would hurry things along. Why does Amazon insist on the drivers to put your passport number onto Amazon system to deliver a bottle of alcohol, I am 57 years of age I clearly look over 18 so what is the need to collect this data? It is the middle of winter not a hot summers day, so for the driver to look at me and take his time is beyond a joke. I also have a business to run I have to be near my computer as I am managing my clients online chat support so I cannot put my status as ‘away’, as that is not what I am paid for and I cannot loose a sale.

Me With Two Heads Apparantly.

So it is amazing to see people’s reactions when I say anything, its is as if I have two heads by the looks I get, what is wrong with people?

I am at war with the world right now and just want to hibernate away from the human race.

Still no sign of my landlord, he is irratating me to high heaven.

Watch this space for updates…..

Wishing Everyone

Happy Holidays

&

a Happy, Healthy & Prosperous

New Year 2021

Animated GIF

Indimidation & Mental Health Issues.

INTIMIDATION.

Intimidation is intentional behavior performed by someone in which it causes another person (the victim) fear either by physical or psychological injury or harm.

A perpetrator knows what they are doing and will want to gain control of a situation by making their victim feel insecure.

Intimidation can cause psychological damage which will make the victim question themselves, which may lead to depression or suicide.

Intimidation in the workplace can make your office environment to be a toxic place to work in.

When your boss or coworker is subjecting you to intimidation in the workplace your mental health will be affected and you may even find you have no choice but to quit your job if the constant bullying becomes unbearable.

What does Intimidation in the Workplace Look Like?

Workplace intimidation, which is also called workplace bullying, happens when someone superior to you or a coworker uses psychological threats, blackmail or verbal abuse to manipulate an employee to do things in order to feel superior over that person (the victim).

Intimidation may become apparant from the start by the superior showing they are above you. It does not have to be gradual as you may be told by your co-workers that the boss is on the prowl and that you have to jump through hoops to please him or her.

In some cases it may be made apparant over time, where the perpetrator accesses the victims weakness and plays on their insecurities. This does not have to be in the workplace it could be a friend, neighbour, partner or landlord. Basically anyone that has control over you in some way and feels they are superior to you can potentially intimidate you if you let them.

Intimidation can be:

  • Physical violence or threats
  • Raising Voices
  • Ignoring you and your requests
  • Being Hostile physical posturing
  • Humiliating, ridiculing or insulting you in front of coworkers or customers
  • Intentionally dicing you work outside your expertise
  • Purposely finding faults with your work or assigning errors to you that are not your responsibility
  • Copying your ideas and taking credit for your work
  • Sabotaging your work or setting you up to fail
  • Raising the bar for success or setting up different standards for the targeted employee
  • Interfering with your ability to work
  • Highlighting the fact that your are dispensable, that you could loose your job if your work is not up to scratch
  • Showing superiority so that you feel insecure and putting the victim in their place, reminding the victim why they are where they are and how things could eaily change, playing on the victims insecurities.
  • Intimidation that can cause your mental health to change, such as spreading lies.
  • Making the employee feel unwelcome or singled out in social events.

Illegal Workplace Discrimination.

When there is intimidation in workplace it can easily cross the line into illegal workplace discrimination.

This applies to conduct based on:

  • Race
  • Color
  • National origin
  • Sex or gender
  • Pregnancy
  • Religion
  • Disability
  • Age

If an employer makes employment decisions that hinders your job role and assignments or allows its employees to create a hostile work environment, you may be able to make a discrimiantion claim against the employer. If your employer doesn’t live up to its promises or comply with its anti-harassment policies, you may be able to sue based on a breach of contract claim.

Regarless if intimidation is made in the workplace or in another environment such as a landlord intimidating a tenant for example you do have rights and you can find the relevant help in order that you are no longer intimidated and can live a life without feeling insecure. Nobody should live in fear.

**If you have problems at home with your landlord you should contact your local council office.

Your council should have a tenancy relations officer or a housing team who can help.

The council could:

Form N16A: Application for injunction (General form)

Use this general injunction form to ask the court to order a person, company or organisation to do something or not to do something.

n16a-eng

Mental Health At Christmas – My Personal Expeiences.

Mental Health At Christmas – My Personal Experiences.

For me personally speaking it is not my favourite time of year.

I miss my parents and my bother that passed away and Christmas is not Christmas anymore, I just want Christmas over and done with.

Not just that, I have a few personal problems at home and I get it I know I am not the only one going through things especially with another iminent lockdown on the horizon and businesses struggling to pay their bills.

How can I charge my clients if they are having financial issues? This becomes a catalytic reaction a so called domino effect.

I can underatand that I should be thankful that I have somewhere to sleep and have a roof over my head. However I alway live in fear for lots of different reasons, mainly the constant worry that certain people have an element control over me. I am sad that I cannot free myself no matter how hard I try. I am being told never give up so that is what I am doing, slowly plugging away until I hit the jackpot. It is hard work but I am determined to succeed no matter what. If only I could build my own Rose Island.

“In order to start a new life one needs a lot of money and if one does not have a support network it is difficult to make the change”.

However I am struggling at the moment with my mental health really badly at the moment especially since I had a delivery from ‘Argos’ on Thursday things have just escalated to the point I just want to cry, lock myself away, turn my phone off and not see or speak to anyone until the nightmare is over.

It does not help when ‘Argos’ do not put on their website anything about ‘Hot Zones’ prior to a consumer buying a cooker.

This has started a domino effect as I have had to get my landlord involved in which I really wanted to avoid doing that.

On top of all that because I have not been able to install my cooker all my food with ‘use by dates’ has perished. I have had to order takeouts for my family and at a cost of £30 per day and have not had a refund for my installation which I paid for upfront.

Who is going to compensate me for all the money I have wasted and am still wasting?

I have phoned Argos Customer Service and they have said I will get a refund and I should wait and trust them, but they said they do not send out confirmation emails. I have even emailed the CEO ‘Simon Roberts’ and messaged him on LinkedIn pointing him to a post I made about his website…..Obviously this has been ignored as I am a nobody to this person and insignificant.

I really cannot face work right now because of a series of events, which I do not want to go into, but today on a scale of 1 to 20 with 1 being happy and 20 being really bad, I can safetly say I have gone off the richter scale and I am 20 plus.

I cannot deal with the feeling of: Fear, Doubt, Anxiety and Worry and Intrusive Thoughts”.

These feeling I usually can supress but I am concerned as some people can be intimidating and I simply cannot handle that right now. I need reassurance that everything will be ok but there is no one backing my corner.

My problem, I lack a personal support system and have no one to turn to when I am at my lowest.

I am getting intrusive thoughts in my head and I am battling my demons.

I will see if I can sleep ok over the next few nights or not and if my anxiety and fear subsides or get worse, I have sleeping tablets but when I feel my heart pounding, it is hard to relax.

My heart is in my mouth right now pounding away and I am on the verge of crying.

There are consequences to peoples actions.

I wish something would go right for me right now, but everything I touch seems to go belly up and to pot. I am trying so hard for the situation not to defeat me.

Someone said to me recently “A problem halved is a problem solved”, in most case it is good to talk to someone else I totally agree, but if all that person is a lending of an ear and cannot give you advice as they don know how, then from my own personal experiences there is no point to even speak to them. You need someone who is professional, be it a counsellor, a GP or a Consultant. Who ever you turn to they must have some knowledge and are familiar with the problem you are experiencing and should never remind you about what is upsetting you. For me I miss my parents and brother so to be reminded about them not being here especially at Christmas is the wrong thing to do.

One needs to find a mentor or a person that can support you and give you solid helpful advice. You need to find a person that can be your rock.

For me right now, I really want to sob my heart out and cannot get to sleep. My mind is racing and I am getting heart palpitations. I feel physically sick.

Mental Health Amongst Entrepreneurs

Mental Health Amogst Entrepreneurs.

Starting a business can be stressful, no one said it would be easy. One has to plan ahead and manage finances so that you can live. Nothing happens overnight, there has to be a lot of planning to lift your business to the next level and none if it comes without stress.

According to Michael A. Freeman a researcher from the University of San Francisco states that entrepreneurs are twice as likely to develop depression and three times more likely to engage in substance use and abuse than the general population.

Entrepreneurship is often looked up to as a status symbol that the individual has found the courage to be independant and in control of his/her own careers. Entrepreneurs are also admired for their creativity and initiative. Yet their personal struggles are often not acknowledged because people think being an entrepreneur you are an automatic success which sometimes can be further from the truth. Entrepreneurship comes with challenges in which can add unnecessary stress.

Entrepreneurs tend to be seen as high achievers, driven and motivated. However having these fine qualities does come with some disadvantages. Most entrepreneurs are perfectionists and tend to put aside their personal needs over the needs of their business sometimes foregoing personal family outings or general socialising events in the name of making their business a success. Many marriages have fallen apart because of the entrepreneurs protecting their business with the business coming first place and the marriage coming last.

Because being an entrepreneur nothing is guaranteed there is a lot of scope for failure and uncertainties especially if they are not well established and cannot guarantee a steady income. These uncertainties increase proneness to anxiety disorders, depression, substance use/abuse, and eating disorders.

How many entrepreneurs you know are heavy drinkers?

Reasons entrepreneurs get depressed include:

1). History of Anxiety and Depression

2). Lack of Motivation and Inspiration

2). Feeling Unsuccessful and Fear of Failure

3). Problems maintaining control of your business, perhalps lack of funds or problems with staff or late paying customers.

4). Large numbers of investor rejections

5). Stress and long working hours leading to burnout

6). Being sabotaged by partners

7). Problems with Staff or Recruitment

8). Struggles gaining and maintaining traction

9). Problems with Branding

10). Problems with Marketing

11). Financial Difficulties

12). Lack of Support from your martital partner

13) Feeling Lonely

14) Suffering From othe Mental Health Disorders

15). Lack of Sleep

Growing your business does not come without setbacks, such as securing leads, losing clients, customers disputes or not seeing eye to eye with your business partner(s). It could also be increased competition, staffing problems, whilst struggling to pay the wages and having enough money to pay yourself. Psychiatrist and former entrepreneur Michael A. Freeman, who researches mental health and entrepreneurship says that being an entrepreneur can be very traumatic and can lead to mental health issues.

If you already have mental health problems this can increase your anxieties. No one wants to admit to their vulnerabilities, but the more support there is the more we can be open about our struggles. It is no good bottling it all up inside. Business Men and Women have practiced what is called by social psychiatrists ‘impression management’, also known as “fake it till you make it.” We should never pretend to be something we are not, but at the same time you do not want the whole world knowing your problems as this can be damaging to your business. However the more transparent you are and even being an advocate for mental health, people will quickly start to trust you.

There are also organisations that can allow you to stay anomymous. if you are struggling to find somone to talk to you can reach out here to us or contact the following organisations:

Support Links.

MENTAL HEALTH LINKS

What is Obsessive Compulsive Disorder

What is Anxiety

What is Stress

What is Depression

Suicide Healthline

SAMARITANS.org

OCDUK.org

MIND.org.uk

YoungMinds.org.uk

PHYSICAL HEALTH USEFUL LINKS

https://www.who.int/health-topics/disability#tab=tab_1

GOVERNMENT LINKS

https://www.gov.uk/browse/disabilities

BUSINESS RESOURCES FOR PEOPLE WITH DISABILITIES

https://www.aabrs.com/business-resources-for-people-with-disabilities/

Showing Your Success.

Some people want to show the world instantaneously how successful they are before actually being successful so they max out their loans and cards to the hilt and drive flashy cars and wear high end designer clothes just to look the part and fake their image.

Being not true to yourself will eventually catch up with you. Do not pretend to be someone your not, people will soon see when cracks start to appear.

Honesty is the Best Policy.

If you are having finacial difficulties and for example you can not pay bonuses tell your staff and give them a reason why, never leave things to the last minute. If you tell your staff in advance they are more likely to be more understanding. Always be transparent.

You do not have to air your dirty laundry in public but can adapt a monthly or weekly mental health event where people can network and get support. Simply be listening to other peoples problems and relating to similarities can be make people think they are not alone with their struggles.

We need to find a way where we can express our problems without it having a detrimental effect on our business or our health.

Mental Health is still classed as taboo and people find it hard to talk about what they are going through.

No one should feel they are all alone and there is no one that could possibly undersatnd their struggles as did the successful entrepreneurs that came to their demise even though they seemed to be in control, one being ‘Ilya Zhitomirskiy’ founder of Diaspora, a social networking site and the other ‘Jody Sherman’ founder of the e-commerce site Ecomo. The list continues with Fashion Designers ‘Alexander McQueen’, ‘Kate Spade’ and A-List Actors such as ‘Robin Williams’ to name just a few.

Mental Health statistics show according to research done by the National Institute of Mental Health that an astonishing 49% of entrepreneurs are directly effected and 32 % are indirectly affected by mental health problems compared to just 48% of non entrepreneurs. The statistics are far greater because the pressure of success.

The study showed that 23% of entrepreneurs are affected because some family members may be experiencing mental health issues.

The biggest challenges entrepreneurs have, especially with their mental health is asking for help. Not only so but working all the hours God sends can be very lonely. It is hard to juggle a home life with a entrepreneurial life, often making sacrifices that can cause our personal relationships to crumble.

Furthermore when you see companies securing multi million dollar deals and you are bearly getting by, the feeling can sometimes be deflating. But one has to think that even these companies started out most probaby somewhere just like you and with staying focused and perserverance they have managed to climb the ladder. However even companies that are a success struggle with being No1 and continue to push themselves to perfectionism.

Good Leadership.

It is all about being honest and addressing the problems you have. By being in denial and sweeping your problems under the carpet won’t make your problems go away. If you are a successful business the pressure to maintain the status can be even far greater than starting out. There are organisation you can reach out to for help.

You do not have to announce to the world you have mental health issues but there is always someone you can talk to. If it is problem solving there is tonnes of information on the internet and companies that do business consulting. You could even have monthly employee mental health days where you get someone to talk about mental health in general. Not only will it be therapy for you it will also help your staff dealing with problems themselves. Your employees will see you are a compassionate leader which will gain you a lot of respect.

Retraining Your Brain.

Outsmarting your way of thinking can set you on the road ot recovery.

Practice the following Steps:

  1. Setup an action plan. Do your research and but your actions into motion. Set up a business plan, speak with people in your industry, speak to your business bank manager who can put you in touch with people. Consider Business Consultants and do networking.
  2. Setup a Support Network. Find people that will support you from friends, family, coaches and mentors. There are business social media platforms that you can exapnd your network and engage with like minded people.
  3. Allocate some quality time (me time). Take time off to reflect and relax so that when you return you are set to go. Even having a day off or even an afternoon off is better than nothing at all. In your free time do nothingat all or doing sometime you love.
  4. Have a dream board. Stick down all the goals you want to acheive and give yourself a deadline. Every day for five minutes before you start work look at your dream board and focus on why you are about to start the day and that you are one day closer to acheiving your dream. You could have a board you stick on your office wall or have one on your desktop home screen or in your diary (I keep one in my diary and it goes evrywhere with me).
  5. Keep a journal. Write down all your dreams and aspirations and take a daily note of your highs and your lows. (For me blogging is my therapy).
  6. Maintain a Good Diet. We are what we eat. Eating unhealthily will cause damage to our bodies. Treat your body like your office. You don’t store junk in your office so do not fill your body with junk food. Take vitamin supplements and trat your body like a temple.
  7. Maintain a Level of Excercise. Even if you find it difficult leaving your home, do some workouts at home. There are pleanty of YouTube videos you can adapt your exercise routine to.
  8. Reward Yourself. At the end of the week or month once you reach your daily or weekly goals give yourself a pat on the back and trat yourself. You don’t need to go overboard but give yourself something that will motivate you to complete another task, as in the suggestions below if your a woman.
  9. Help Others. By helping others you are also helping yourself. If you focus only on yourself you will fall into a spiral of loneliness and depression but if you help others and put your worries aside you ar not longer making yourself the centre spot. Remember there is always someone out there you can help.
  10. Consider Getting Medical Advice. The first port of call is your GP. If your are constantly worrying and are feeling anxious and depressed visit your GP who can prescribe you some antidepressants and something to help you sleep.

Final Thoughts.

“There is a solution to every problem and you are never alone as there is always someone that you can talk to. If you can not face speaking to someone directly over the phone you can send an email or contact form”.

Do also visit the Useful Links Page.

RECOMMENDATIONS.

Further Reading:

https://www.forbes.com/sites/danmurrayserter/2020/10/04/why-entrepreneurs-need-to-talk-about-their-mental-health/?sh=2de354b137d0

https://www.inc.com/magazine/201309/jessica-bruder/psychological-price-of-entrepreneurship.html

https://medium.com/amp/p/a0d62a3ed389

Why People Do Not Care.

Why do people not care?

There are various reasons why someone does not care.

  1. The person has had parents that have not showed any love or affection
  2. This applies to men, where their social upbringing tells them that crying makes them weak and to man up if they are hurting and not to be a big girls blouse. Hence men may not show emotion.
  3. A person may have built a defence mechanism to shield themselves from harm.
  4. A person maybe brainwashed by political or religious groups.
  5. The person has been abused, physically, mentally or both (domestic violence).
  6. The person was raped.
  7. The person was traumatised by grief of losing a loved one.

People only care if they are directly affected by something or someone. This could be their beliefs in which they would be advocates or for people that they know such as family, friends and sometimes even co-workers. It the social connection people have with one another that allows them to show emotion to another person.

The only other times people will care is they are on the job and must, i.e. Doctors & Nurses, Firefighters, Care-workers (who are doing good for society as a whole rather than getting personal) or if a person randomly witnesses someone that needs their help like for example if someone was injured or dying. Volunteering is an act of kindness but does not mean necessarily you care about an individual but more so about a cause.

However if you are doing good does not always mean you care it is how you want to be perceived by others. Doing good for soiciety can only be praised and its out acts of kindness without getting personal that helps us be a better person and make a difference in the world. By helping with a cause, one could be passionate about something and may want to make a mark in society that they have tried to do good, call it a legacy if you will. Our emotitions should not be confused with our acts of kindness (we do not have to care to be kind, it could be our moral duty to be kind). Kindness is an act of compassion which relates to wisdom, confidence, and courage. Kindness is a strength we have to help others. Being compassionate is an attitude we have to dealing with a problem.

People that show no emotion at all or are controlling are called narcissists. However not everyone is without empathy.

Most people care about their family and friends but will not extend to strangers. That is why there are so many homeless people because if society cared they would try to help or take them in. Not all homeless people are junkies and even if they were, there are rehab centres and shelters they can go to if people took a moment to help them out of their busy life rather than walk on by.

How many of us have thrown a penny or two at a homeless person or thought “get a job”? (Before you say anything this has never crossed my mind but I bet you bottom dollar it has to so many people). How many of us have stopped to ask if that person is ok or bought them hot food or a drink ( I know I have) or even given them something warm to wear.

Small acts of kindness will go a long way.

“I for one will show empathy to someone less fortunate than myself rather than an abled bodied person. The reason for this is I have built a barrier round myself and an extremely careful who I am associated with. I have trusted so many people in th past that have betrayed me and caused me harm. I am now extremely cautious who I let in. I find keeping myself to myself is the best form of practice”. I will sooner help a vulnerable person because they need my help not because I care but because it is my moral duty as a human being to help someone less fortuante than myself.

It does not say much about a person that walks on by and does nothing.

Mother Theresa once said “If I look at the mass I will never act. If I look at the one, I will.” These are the words of a woman whose acts of charity and kindness earned her sainthood.

For some people a single death can seem like a tragedy, however we cannot connect to amass loss of life unless we are somehow associated with that loss. Most often than not, the deaths of many simply becomes a statistic, something that happened to someone else, elsewhere.

For me I have be stricken by grief 3 times, never mind all other bad things that have happened to me, which I will be writing in my book”.

Seeing millions of lives lost through natural disasters, wars or to famine is just news that happened somewhere else and did not affect us directly hence we cannot associate ourselves with it.

We can become numb to the news that we hear, and our compassion can be consumed by our day to day living.

Paul Slovic, a psychologist at the University of Oregon who has studied psychic numbing for decades said “One is that it doesn’t deal with numbers in magnitude very well. If we’re talking about lives, one life is tremendously important and valuable and we’ll do anything to protect that life, save that life, rescue that person. But as the numbers increase, our feelings don’t commensurately increase as well.”

Paul Slovic’s research suggests that as statistical numbers associated with a tragedy get larger and larger, we become desensitised show less empathy. Therefore, this can make is less likely to act. Global disasters make people disassociate themselves from the atrocities and they start to become complacent that because it did not affect them there is little they can do and simply carry on with their lives like as if it never happened, even going on to say that they “feel bad” about what has happened but what can they do. Feeling bad which is showing sympathy is different to showing empathy.

Empathy is the ability to understand other people’s feelings just as we have experienced ourselves. Sympathy on the other hand is the ability to take part in someone else’s feelings, mostly by feeling sorrowful about their misfortune, in which we can dissociate.

The same goes with the Coronavirus Covid-19 Pandemic, because we have not been affected by it directly only indirectly some people will have a blasé attitude and may not take it as seriously as it is meant to be. This leads to a kind of apathy that is makes people complacent about hand washing or wearing masks.

People who say they care in one breathe but do nothing to help a person in need in another breathe are false. The ones that say “I would if I could, but I can’t” are simply making excuses, because everyone can help if they tried.

If say someone has financial problems and the other person cannot help them out as they too have financial problems of their own, one still can help the person out by problem solving and researching the best options available.

I wonder next time you ask someone to help you how many will come forward….

Further reading: https://www.bbc.com/future/article/20200630-what-makes-people-stop-caring

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