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Category: Obsessive Compulsive Disorder

Coping With Mental Health As An Entrepreneur

I have not been on this site for a while now as I have been working mainly on my other sites www.ukwebsitedesigners.co.uk and https://marketingagency.cymrumarketing.com/#home I have forwarded the domain name www.cymrumarketing.co.uk to this sub domain but it does not always work with Norton or Firewalls for some reason.

I have also updated the Disclaimer Page & added a Networking Page under the heading Legal Pages, this is to let viewers know that the owner of this site uses a SEO Link Wheels to generate traffic and that all the Websites and Blogs are all under one umbrella belonging to Renata M Barnes (UK Website Designers) You will see the credit in the footer of all the websites I own and also manage for other clients.

Moving on I have also started to intergrate video marketing into my services. This is a useful tool to attract business and I am now offering it to my clients. You can view a the portfolio of Videos here.

As for my health it is starting to deteriorate as the pressures and daily stresses of life can sometimes be overwhelming. I am fighting hard for it not to beat me but when my own health professionals are working against me rather than for me it can be too much to bear…….I will explain.

Not only am I disabled I also have a disabled daughter that I am officially a carer for, so when I see red flags I tend to question things as in the case of my GP who threatens you if you make waves. Read the latest on this Surgery that has brought me to breaking point: https://marketingagency.cymrumarketing.com/category/bayer-pharmaceutical/ All I was doing was voicing my concerns as my daughter is classed as a vulnerable person and I was told I lack respect to the highly qualified pharmacist and clinician at the surgery and was told that seeing there is a breakdown of doctor/patient relationship it would be in my best interest to find another surgery.

I am really struggling with my health and have developed social disconnection disorder and have a fear of venturing out. The less face to face human interaction I have, the happier I feel”. I have been hurt too many times to care to mention and the people I trusted the most betrayed me. In my lifetime I have experienced discrimination, racial attacks, have been abused physically and mentally and have been physically assaulted, disrespected, undermined, critised, judged, belittled, robbed, have felt sadness, dispair and dealt with grief. All these things are contributing factors to my mental disability, which has been caused by other people and entities. There is no denying my mental health is due to a domino effect caused by direct consequences to other peoples actions.

My Richter Mental Health Scale.

It is because of certain individuals and certain events that I am this way. I am 58 yrs old and have met my fair share of people over the years and I can count on my one hand how many people I can trust. I can also name each and every single person and entity responsible for my ill health and the reasons why.

Some cope by turning to drinking alcohol or taking recreational drugs. People smoke cigarettes claiming it calms their nerves, I do not smoke cigarettes, do not drink alcohol or take recreational drugs but depend on the prescription medication that are prescribed for me. Everyone has different ways with coping with stress, trauma and life events, mine is documenting everything (therapeutic) and adapting around my disabilities aswell as trying to help others.

Anaphylaxis Allergy.

I also cancelled my Covid-19 Vaccine appointment as I have a severe anaphylaxis allergy to PEG where I was vaccinated with steriod in the past which had polythylene glycol in fact over the years I have had many anaphlaxis allergies including severe breathing difficulties from penicillin and severe skin allergy where my face looked reptilian and I was in excrutiating pain, all of which is on my medical records. https://marketingagency.cymrumarketing.com/2021/03/19/polyethylene-glycol-peg-allergy-as-a-cause-of-anaphylaxis/ I am not prepared to take any risks with my life or become more ill than I already am. At least with my OCD, Depression I can manage my life to a certain degree and can work around my disabilities. But being off work fully is inconceivable and is something I cannot do as I have obligations to my clients.

I have to be online every single day, imagine being too ill to work what would happen to your business if you had no one to help you? Your clients are not going to say “ok call us when you feel better”, the food chain still has to carry on. I have heard the second vaccine is worse the the first but I am waiting on herd immunity to kick in as I do not plan venturing out any time soon.

I would not describe myself as a hypochondriac as all my disabilities are medically documented. I try not to think about illnesses unless it is affecting me directly and at any given time. I try to actually block out my disabilities and try to live a relatively normal life to a certain degree (although there is nothing normal about me). The world on the internet is not going to know about my disabilities unless they bother to do some research about me, so me sitting in front of a computer screen I am as normal as the next person.

I cannot be critised for having no empathy. I will help people in need but will never make it personal. If someone needs me to lend them my ear or a shoulder I will try and help.

To be frank I have coped better than most during the Covid-19 Lockdown. My business has improved as people have turned to the internet for a second income stream. Where I had issues about people bumping into you and not looking where they where going in the past, it is as if the heavens have opened up and had everyone stay 2 metres apart (not that I go out anywhere though).

Wearing disposable latex gloves is no longer questionable and I do not feel the odd one out anymore.

I do miss going out once a month with my daughter when she and I used to go up to the hospital for her to have her monthly blood done and then we would go to a restaurant in the city centre. I won’t say I will never go again as they say “never say never”, but it is going to take me a long time to adjust to the new surroundings and facing people at the moment is really causing me distress. I am fine with the grocery and courier drivers but that is as far as I am willing to interact physically with other people other than my family.

“I do have a goal and that is to make enough money for me to retire comfortably and for my daughter to have a head start in life. My priority is my family and my business and nothing else”.

I won’t let this general practice surgery beat me. I have a long list of people I can complain to.

Coping With Mental Health in General.

  1. Take time out to have some TLC. Do something that will make you happy and relaxed. Try to occupy you mond with something else other than what is worrying you.
  2. If you work for a company see if they have an HR department that deals with mental health. If not suggest that they do have a department and volunteer to be a spokesperson, you will no longer be seen as a follower and more so as a leader. Every business no matter how big or small should have some sort of department to air your worries and anxieties and perhaps meet up once a week to just chat. However if you find that there is no such option and you have had no alternative to tell your employer, he/she has a responsibility under Equalities Act to be obliging and to accommodate you and your condition if it is considered a long term affliction. You may not be the only one that is suffering so considering starting a club even after work can make all the difference.
  3. Stay focused it is easy to just to clock watch until the hour hand hits 5 o’clock but that does not help you or your employer hence you need to set goals and try to make some progress on a daily basis. You should concentrate on the work in hand but at the same time consider starting a second income stream and do research and learn. Reading helps people to stay motivated and empowers them to learn a new skill. This skill could help your employer or can help you to break away and go it alone.
  4. Do not over critisie yourself, if things are not going your way, tomorrow is another day. Accepting the fact that we all experience good days and bad days is just a way of life and we need to learn to overcome obstacles that come our way. For me venting my anxiety, anger and frustration online is therapeutical. I know some one will read it and will relate. I also think that what I write could actually help someone other than myself.
  5. The impact of problems such as depression and anxiety are unique and individual to each and every one of us and how we cope with them and different situations of life is equally as individual. Above I have merely mentioned some advice on dealing with issues of mental health in the workplace, but speaking to your GP and building a network of support are arguably the most important steps you can take in your recovery. For me I personally will not be relating my anxieties any time soon to my GP if I still have one, as it is practice management that you tell the reception first what is wrong with you, what ever happend to GDPR and not sharing the information with anyone other than your doctor. According to an inspection report that I downloaded on another post I made https://marketingagency.cymrumarketing.com/2021/03/30/gp-surgeries-are-small-businesses/ the receptionists have to sign a non disclosure agreement. This is hog wash if they wish to talk about you without actually mentioning you name.

Super Power.

Disabled Entrepreneur Super Power!

Just because I have a mental health disability does not make me less of a person. My disability does not define me and make me less intelligent, in fact on the contrary my disability is my ‘Super Power’ and although it comes with challenges it gives me strength and purpose to carry on and help motivate and empower others that having a disability is not the end of the world and you can still achieve your aspirations and all you need is a gentle push. Never let some tell you it cannot be done or it is impossible for you to achieve, listen to your heart and not what others tell you. Do not listen to naysayers.

My Super Power is everytime anyone disrespects me, tries to undermined me or do other atrocities I will write about them. Anyone throwing obstactles in my way, making my life difficult or miserable, I will document. Everytime anyone tries to do anything to hurt me I will hit the keyboard. The same goes if I see anyone being treated unfairly, the perpetrator will feel my Super Power.

Whats your super power? Mine is exercising my journalist skills!

Reaching Out.

If you want to talk to just drop me a line, I am happy to chat to you online or send emails. Although I do not do face to face meetings I am happy to help anyone who is feeling distressed. Just because I have difficulty interacting physically does not mean I have a problem interacting virtually. Remember a problem shared is a problem halved. If you have a network of people you can rely on then that is fine, but if you don’t there are many organisation out there that can help and I also can lend an ear or shoulder to cry on or send virtual hugs.

Coping With Life When You Are Disabled.

Copying With life When You Are Disabled.

I have this methology “if life gives you lemons, make lemonade”. I am not the type of person to whinge and moan, I just make the most of what I have and try to get on with it.

I always keep myself busy and set goals. However my physical and mental disabilities are obstacles that daily I have to get round.

My OCD is by far one of my prominent disabilities and have designed a quarantined cocoon area where only I have access to. This area allows me to be free of any anxieties that I would have in the normal environment. I have adopted this practice to save cleaning my whole home from top to bottom day in and day out. Believe me I used to clean from top to bottom every single day until I realised I was wasting valuable time doing something else.

Keeping myself busy does help to block out intrusive thoughts to a certain degree. I am the worlds worse for critising myself. I try to brain train to reason with myself that what I do is ridiculous and out of character to normal people, but it all is related to stress, anxiety and depression. Depending how stress I am under will depend how well my day will be. If I am super stressed, I find that I cannot concentrate and even do minuscule tasks.

My OCD is germ contamination related and I am even more conscious of my surrounding and the things that I touch. I dislike people visting me and visa versa. I prefer not to go out, hence I am not going out any time soon pandemic regulations or not.

I actually wrote an article on my other blog about germ awareness and cross contamination: https://marketingagency.cymrumarketing.com/2021/02/16/saliva-and-mail-cross-contamination-of-germs/

As for my other disabilities:

  • Cerebellar Atrophy (I lose my balance or grip and muddle my words up especially when I write, I also have mental blocks).
  • OCD (I am aware of germ cross contimination and and am careful what I touch).
  • Social Disconnection (I prefer my own company and not go out and socialise, although we can’t anyway but you get my drift).
  • PTSD (I have flashbacks of the physical and mental trauma I endured in the past and certain things trigger my depression).
  • Clinical Depression (This is related to past physical and mental trauma I endured, in which there are days where I go to a dark place).
  • Rheumatoid Arthritis (I cannot bend my knee, again from past physical trauma/abuse).
  • Dysphagia (I sometimes choke of food, I get a painful feeling followed by trouble swallowing and breathing and only when the food is dislodged does the feeling subside, gross I know but what can I do? I have been told I could have surgery but there is no gauarantee that it would work. I am not going to go under the knife for anything, I can tell you that for sure).
  • Epidural Analgesia (Chronic Back Pain, even bending down to feed the cat makes my back spasm, the same goes if I am standing for excessive length of time I have shooting pains from the small of my back to the nape of my neck. Simple taskes like taking out the rubbish or bringing in the grocery shopping has brought tears to my eyes in the past).

So yes I have good days and bad days but I do not dwell on my ailments and try to live the best way I can. I adapt to around my disabilities. Fortuantely for me I offer digital services so I can do 100% of my work online and do not have to venture out.

Stress and worry are contributing factors to my OCD, PTSD, Depression and Social Disconnection.

  • Getting headaches (I have regular headaches)
  • Having stomach cramps (I have a bad stomach most days, but that can be from drinking energy drinks to keep me awake).
  • Not being able to sleep (I find my medication helps me sleep but it takes a few hours for me to wind down, hence I watch a film or play a game, I also read books from time to time).
  • Feeling pains in your chest (I do not get them often but when I do it is scary as I have also experienced jaw ache and shooting pain down my left arm in the past). I have had an ecg scan done and the doctor said there was nothing wrong, yet the same doctor also prescribed antacid ‘Gaviscon’ to my daughter even though she was later diagnosed with MS after I admitted her into A&E.
  • Having constant worring (If I do not keep myself busy I do worry hence I try to keep my mind occupied all the time). Worrying only makes your health deteriorate and although life struggles can get in the way of your happiness, one needs to find a way to tackle the problem we are faced with, rather than sweep them under the carpet. Confronting your inner demons makes you stronger. Sometimes simply writing down your problems is the first step to dealing with whatever is on your mind. Talking to a friend or family member also helps but for me expessing my emotions in the form of a blog is theraputic in itself.
  • Having panic attacks (I only get these if I have to meet negative people). People that judge or critise, you know the people I am talking about or if I have a deadline in work or something that I have seen or heard that has triggered the onset of sheer panic. However for most part I am organised and know to how to avoid trigger warnings, so panic attacks are subdued.
  • Feeling shortness of breath, (I only get this if I cannot swallow due to my Dysphagia or at times when I have in the past been in distress, due to the trauma and abuse I endured).
  • Having mood swings with friends or family (I avoid socialising so no one knows my moods and no one can be on the tail end if I do have a bad day).
  • Finding it hard to feel happy (Continuously reassuring myself and staying positive that what I am doing will eventually change my life for the better, is enough to motivate me to get up and tackle every day tasks).

Although I was going to do a daily/weekly journal of my health, I am not able to do so at present as I have many projects I am working on and simply do not have the time, but I always try to strive to stay focused and optimistic that tomorrow will be a better day.

Obviously adopting a healthy lifestyle can help with coping with life struggles, such as:

  • Regular Exercise
  • Breathing Exercise
  • Meditation
  • Eating Healthily
  • Brain Training
  • Learning New Things
  • Staying Focused
  • Being Organised
  • Setting Goals
  • Time Management
  • Avoiding Negative People
  • Learning to Trust People
  • Motivation
  • Talking to Family and Friends About Your Troubles
  • Discussing your Problems with Professionals, Health, Finance, Relationships etc

Final Thoughts!

I am a disabled entrepreneur and I have created a business round my disabilities. The way I saw it when I first started out, I would not fit in or be accepted in a normal working enviroment and I am the most happiest I have ever been for a long time doing what I do and it works for me. So the way I see it is my disabilities are a blessing in disguise, as I would not be where I am today without them.

I avoid negative judgemental people especially if they have power trips (Trolls especially that have nothing better to do than try an bring a person down, these get immediately blocked).

As for me I will help anyone that genuinely needs my help. I am very good at analysing people and situations and I am very astute.

Stay safe, stay focused and stay motivated, nothing stays the same forever unless you let it…

Christmas Stress Due to Depression & OCD

Christmas Stress Due to Depression and OCD.

As most of you know I suffer with Depression and OCD. I have good days and bad days and this last week has made my illnesses sky rocket.

Had the electricians that did Pat Testing the begining part of the year done their jobs properly and seen that the cooker sockets where inside the hot zone that they should have corrected it.

However because they did not do this, this has created a domino effect when one thing happens after another due to consequences of peoples actions. Now as you know my cooker arrived which I paid for (more fool me) seeing as I have never had a cooker change in the last 24 years of living at my rented residence, you would have thought the landlord would be happy. I told him I was buying a cooker months ago but conveniently he has forgotten.

So to add insult to injury it has been a week since the cooker was delivered and it is still not been installed.

I was told my landlord would turn up on Saturday then at near enough Midnight he text me to say he would be coming Monday or Tuesday (No Show) so I text him yesterday and asked if he was coming today this was a hours ago and so far he has ignored me.

You have to also know what type of landlord he is, I reported another fault in March of this year and he only had it fixed in December so you can imagine the pace he goes.

The chain reaction of events has caused me to to go into severe depression and I am in a very dark place at the moment (This is now my landlords fault for making me feel like this as he was the last straw, the straw that broke the camels back to speak).

This is the main factor of my depression at the moment.

But there are additional factors whereby because I am disabled I have a disabled sticker on my wheelie refuse bin, so all the wheelie bins on the street were emptied apart from mine and I checked with the council and there was no reason why my bin was not emptied so my rubbish will pile up for another two weeks in which keeping rubbish in my home is against health and safety and I do not want to attract mice.

I have had problems with mice before and when my neighbour lived down stairs with her cats we had no mice but the moment she left we ended having a mice problems.

I took it upon myself to allow my daughter to have a kitten who is now 1 yr 6 months years old it was supposed to be also good for her Multiple Sclerosis therapy and is an eco friendly mice deterrent.

Now when my landlord came about 6 months ago just before the first lockdown to inspect the property he mentioned nothing about the cat but because I have essentially caused him to loose money because of this cooker installation he has now said he can smell cat urine on the entrance of the flat and up our staircase and that he will need to buy a new carpet.

This is his way to scamming me as he will buy a cheap carpet and charge me through the roof for changing it. He will have to pay me back for the cooker in that case…..touché.

He scammed me once before by changing the dates of when the rent was due by asking for the rent two weeks after I paid my monthly rent and then moved the rent forward by a month essentially got 6 weeks rent in one month.

“Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me fool me three times I will publically shame you”, (although he fooled me once he won’t be fooling me again).

These are very challenging times for me and only I can get through this, but I still can blame people for making me feel the way I do.

To top it all I phoned the retailer yesterday to see where my refund was seeing as I had waited five working days and they said there was a ‘system error’ and I have to wait a further five working days.

If I treated my customers the way Blue Chip Companies treat theirs, I would most certainlynot have any business left.

No consideration for peoples mental health.

Famous People Suffer With Mental Health.

It just shows even famous A-Listers have demons that they fight with in their heads.

I wrote a post why people do not care and now I can prove the point.

FINAL THOUGHTS!

For me to be treated by my landlord like a third rate citizen is unforgivable and down right, ignorant and rude with no apology absolutely nothing.

If he was too ill he could have got his assistant to message me, rather than blank me altogether.

Out of courtesy I would have if I were in his shoes been more transparent, just shows the difference in class of people we are.

My landlord has now caused me to sink into a deep well of depression”.

Because he owns the property he thinks he is better than me.

I on the other hand see it as cheap rent and somewhere to sleep.

I certainly would not call it home.

One day the tables will be turned and he will wish he treated me differently.

“Show respect and you will earn respect”

Sorry if I have ranted on about myself but I find writing my thoughts is a bit like therapy, I am releasing the tension and the anger and sharing it with you.

I am not bothering to contact my landlord again and will see how long it takes him to show his face.

As a paying tenant I have a right to have a cooker and if I was trying to do him a favour I can essentially insist he re-imburses me including all the takeouts and persished food, not to mention PTSD and compensation for work I could essentially loose because I am too ill to work because of his antics and his cowboy contractors.

“On a scale of 1 feeling fine and 20 feeling really low I am 20 plus at the moment and am feeling extremely anxoious as to my Landlords next move. I personally do not know how he can face me again seeing he ruined my Christmas and I am subjected to takeout every day at an average cost of £30 per day as I have no other means of cooking”.

https://www.jmw.co.uk/services-for-you/personal-injury/compensation-calculator/head-injury/post-traumatic-stress-disorder

Mental Health At Christmas – My Personal Expeiences.

Mental Health At Christmas – My Personal Experiences.

For me personally speaking it is not my favourite time of year.

I miss my parents and my bother that passed away and Christmas is not Christmas anymore, I just want Christmas over and done with.

Not just that, I have a few personal problems at home and I get it I know I am not the only one going through things especially with another iminent lockdown on the horizon and businesses struggling to pay their bills.

How can I charge my clients if they are having financial issues? This becomes a catalytic reaction a so called domino effect.

I can underatand that I should be thankful that I have somewhere to sleep and have a roof over my head. However I alway live in fear for lots of different reasons, mainly the constant worry that certain people have an element control over me. I am sad that I cannot free myself no matter how hard I try. I am being told never give up so that is what I am doing, slowly plugging away until I hit the jackpot. It is hard work but I am determined to succeed no matter what. If only I could build my own Rose Island.

“In order to start a new life one needs a lot of money and if one does not have a support network it is difficult to make the change”.

However I am struggling at the moment with my mental health really badly at the moment especially since I had a delivery from ‘Argos’ on Thursday things have just escalated to the point I just want to cry, lock myself away, turn my phone off and not see or speak to anyone until the nightmare is over.

It does not help when ‘Argos’ do not put on their website anything about ‘Hot Zones’ prior to a consumer buying a cooker.

This has started a domino effect as I have had to get my landlord involved in which I really wanted to avoid doing that.

On top of all that because I have not been able to install my cooker all my food with ‘use by dates’ has perished. I have had to order takeouts for my family and at a cost of £30 per day and have not had a refund for my installation which I paid for upfront.

Who is going to compensate me for all the money I have wasted and am still wasting?

I have phoned Argos Customer Service and they have said I will get a refund and I should wait and trust them, but they said they do not send out confirmation emails. I have even emailed the CEO ‘Simon Roberts’ and messaged him on LinkedIn pointing him to a post I made about his website…..Obviously this has been ignored as I am a nobody to this person and insignificant.

I really cannot face work right now because of a series of events, which I do not want to go into, but today on a scale of 1 to 20 with 1 being happy and 20 being really bad, I can safetly say I have gone off the richter scale and I am 20 plus.

I cannot deal with the feeling of: Fear, Doubt, Anxiety and Worry and Intrusive Thoughts”.

These feeling I usually can supress but I am concerned as some people can be intimidating and I simply cannot handle that right now. I need reassurance that everything will be ok but there is no one backing my corner.

My problem, I lack a personal support system and have no one to turn to when I am at my lowest.

I am getting intrusive thoughts in my head and I am battling my demons.

I will see if I can sleep ok over the next few nights or not and if my anxiety and fear subsides or get worse, I have sleeping tablets but when I feel my heart pounding, it is hard to relax.

My heart is in my mouth right now pounding away and I am on the verge of crying.

There are consequences to peoples actions.

I wish something would go right for me right now, but everything I touch seems to go belly up and to pot. I am trying so hard for the situation not to defeat me.

Someone said to me recently “A problem halved is a problem solved”, in most case it is good to talk to someone else I totally agree, but if all that person is a lending of an ear and cannot give you advice as they don know how, then from my own personal experiences there is no point to even speak to them. You need someone who is professional, be it a counsellor, a GP or a Consultant. Who ever you turn to they must have some knowledge and are familiar with the problem you are experiencing and should never remind you about what is upsetting you. For me I miss my parents and brother so to be reminded about them not being here especially at Christmas is the wrong thing to do.

One needs to find a mentor or a person that can support you and give you solid helpful advice. You need to find a person that can be your rock.

For me right now, I really want to sob my heart out and cannot get to sleep. My mind is racing and I am getting heart palpitations. I feel physically sick.

Different Types of OCD

Different Types OF OCD.

About the Author – I want to first start by saying I have suffered with OCD for the best part of 30 years.

I first noticed I had issues whilst I was encountering a relationship breakdown which was very traumatic. The feeling of grief was just as debilitating as having someone pass away. You no longer can be with that person, see them or hear them.

However I would also like to say that my mother had OCD although it was undiagnosed and she refused to admit there was anything wrong with her.

Throughout my childhood for as long as I remember my mother would wash her hands to the extent she could empty a whole tank of hot water. She also would check the soles of the family shoes and any visitors shoes insisting the shoes had to be taken off before coming into the house. Our school uniforms had to be taken off in designated areas and all food packaging had to be cleaned before it could be safetly put away.

I was never allowed to invite friends over and if they called round we would just chat in the porch.

My mother was in denial and not knowing what OCD was at the time, I could not help her.

I could not relate until I was in my early 20’s and by that time my mother simply said I was talking nonsense and that she did not have a problem yet I clearly could see she did and so did I.

From talking to my extended family, I also found out my grandmother had OCD and so did my Uncle who would not sit down unless be put his hankerchief on a chair.

My OCD is related to germ contamination, mental contamination, rumination, intrusive thoughts and avoiding physical contact with anyone.

This has flactuated over the years and depending how trusting I was towards a person would determine my OCD levels.

Trusting.

If I do not trust someone now, I cannot physically touch them or touch anything that they have touched. I feel if I do, bad things will happen to me of which I have had my fair share of traumatic events.

Avoidance.

I rather avoid contact than risk something bad happening to me again.

I have been known to make several clothing changes in a day and had to wash myself with ‘Dettol Antiseptic Disinfectant’ before my intrusive thoughts subsided.

I find it hard communicating with the outside world, I am far happier sitting behind a computer screen than actually dealing with people face to face.

If things go well for me and I am less stressed I can venture out, but mostly I avoid people and social distancing is a God send to me as before I would get extremely frustrated when people were careless and walked into me or brushed past me and simply said “Sorry”. If I were a car and you bumped into me you would not be saying “Sorry”, instead you would be giving me your insurance details.

Since the Pandemic outbreak I have not left the house. I have everything delivered and can run my business remotely. I also have no visitors other than my daughters boyfriend who knows what he can and can’t do.

It is amazing how many people do suffer with OCD but do not talk about it and try to hide it. Even my daughters boyfriend has OCD and does not like touching things without having to wash his finger tips. He also has a tendency of checking to see if his car is locked several times before he is happy. I am not a therapist so I am not going to ask questions. It is up to him to seek medical help and not for me to interfere. If he wants my help I can simply advise.

There are Nineteen Characteristics of OCD.

  1. Checking (I have witness a chap a couple doors away from me going round his car serveral times checking to see if his doors are locked).
  2. Germ Contamination (This can be cleaning or disinfecting).
  3. Mental Contamination (The feeling of self worth when a person has been treated badily)
  4. Hoarding (My mothers friend is a hoarder and has suffered several traumatic events in her life). People who hoard find comfort surrounded by materialistic things which may be of no value to the outside world but is an asset to them.
  5. Ruminations (Rumination is the focused attention on the symptoms of one’s distress, and on its possible causes and consequences) This including avoidance go hand in hand.
  6. Intrusive Thoughts Intrusive Thoughts (Intrusive thoughts are thoughts that seem to become stuck in your mind) and everyone experiences them).
  7. Symmetry & Orderliness (having all the tins in the cupboard the right way round and in order and not having odd numbers or having everything lined up and in order).
  8. Self Harming (A compulsion to physically hurt oneself to stop the mental pain)
  9. Pulling Out Hair (Trichotillomania) My ex sister in law had a compulsion to pull her hair out when she was going through a divorce with my brother.
  10. Repetitive Questioning & Reassuance. (The need to make sure something or someone will be ok).
  11. Trigger (An obsessional intrusive thought triggered by seeing an object such as a knife that may harm someone).
  12. Avoidance (When I experience my forst traumatic event I avoided mentioning my ex boyfriend name).
  13. Ritual (compulsive behaviour (physical or mental)
  14. Homosexual OCD (A straight person that fears being gay)
  15. Paedophile OCD (Unwanted harmful or sexual thoughts about children).
  16. Religious OCD (Engaging in excessive prayer).
  17. Pure ‘O’ OCD (Hidden Mental Rituals, such as counting or saying or thinking a repeating the word over and over)
  18. Counting money, counting how many times you switched the light off or closed the door handle, turning the door handle.
  19. Numbers (A fixation of certain numbers)

More Links:

https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/intrusive-thoughts

OCD Is Not Only About Cleaning.

Shot of a woman doing her daily chores at home

On the contrary OCD is not just about cleaning it could be polar opposites. I cannot manage to keep a whole flat super germ free but can quarantine my bubble, my space so to speak and make sure it is not contaminated.

Over the years my OCD has been a combination of germ contamination, mental contamination, ruminations, rituals, reassurance, trigger, avoidance, intrusive thoughts, numbers and counting. I would either avoid saying the number 13 or count something 21 times, (I was born on the 13th ironically and once on my 21st birthday I placed a £1.00 bet on the roulette table and won £21.00).

I occassionaly have had irrational thoughts and try to rationalise with myself that my thoughts are just that, stupid thoughts and totally absurd.

I have managed to cope with my OCD and having everything under control. Obviously it is not ideal but life is not perfect. “If you are dealt lemons, make lemonade”

I have tried therapy in the past and find it difficult to go over the same old things over and over again I would much rather forget.

Funnily enough I spoke to my mothers friend the other day and where I tried to be support for her as she had breast cancer and had her breast removed, I found it more and more difficult to phone her every week because without fail she would mention my ex which I want to forget but she won’t let me. She is old she is in her 80s so she forgets things as I have noticed each time I give her my telephone numberm so for me to say please do not mention my ex again would simply go over her head.

I have also tried cognitive therapy forcing you to touch something and resisting you from washing your hands. This did not work for me as I have to be in the right state of mind for it to work.

Give me £1M to start my life over again and I will see if my OCD gets better 🤔. This could be a social experiment which I could write if changing ones life for the better helps to change ones mental state.

Like I said I am no expert but I have lived with this disability for a number of years and have witnessed people’s behaviour in terms of their own OCD, aswell as reactions when you say you have OCD.

People still think mental illness as taboo and look at you as if you are ‘CRAZY’.

I most certainly do not belong in an asylum but just have a defense mechanism to protect myself from harm when I am threatened or feel insecure.

The way I see it I can mock myself but no one has the right to mock me.

I wish I could live a normal life without worry or stress and brain wash all the bad things that have ever happened to me away. But the chance of that happening are slim as I will always be reminded about my parents and bother passing away aswell as the abusive relationship and other bad incidents that happened to me over the years.

Trigger.

I still have episodes where I look at something and it brings back bad memories. Looking at photographs of people that have passed away and the feeling of sadness and emptyness or seeing something that was used to harm me. My home is full of very expensive memories that I cannot simply get rid of because of their materialistic value and have been damaged in some way. As an example looking at the bristles of a kitchen broom today brought memories flooding back.

I try my best to block out things and put them away where I cannot see them.

My home is full of bad memories which I would rather forget.

One day I hope to put the past behind me and start a new life somewhere else in a happier environment and I know what is holding me back, hence my plan will not happen overnight.

All I can do is try my hardest to move on and make a negative into a positive.

What Causes OCD.

There are many theories what causes OCD.

Scientists however have not been able to identify a definitive cause for why a person develops  Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD).

The potential causes of OCD can involve one of or a combination of either; neurobiological, genetic (my mother and my grandmother), learned behaviours (seeing my mother perform her rituals although I do not copy any), pregnancy, environmental factors or specific events that trigger the disorder in a specific individual at a particular point in time.

For me it have been a catalyst of a series of traumatic events that have caused me to cocoon myself, although cereabellar atrophy is also linked to OCD which I was diagnosed with about 11 years ago, which makes no sense as I have had OCD for about 30 years now.

The way I see it although there may be other factors that have caused me to have OCD including it being hereditory, I stongly believe PTSD is a leading source to why I have OCD and how people have treated me in the past that has made me the person I am today. Obviously some of the trauma is the loss of my parents and my brother but I also was subjected to physical and mental abuse. So my story is colourful to say the least.

Moving Forward.

I am passionate about the cause becasue I have been a life long sufferer and always keep up to date with ways to alleviate the symptoms aswell as helping others with motivation and inspiration, at the same time as helping myself.

OCD Is An Invisible Disability.

OCD Is An Invisible Disability and if you ask anyone who has got OCD would they want to trade for a normal life you will find everyone would agree including myself that OCD can be a living hell and would want the nightmare to end.

People who do not understand about OCD may be judgemental or may even mock a person. It is why its is so important to not let peoples opinions influence your way of thinking. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion and at the end of the day it is their opinion not yours. It is your opinion that matters the most not someone elses.

One needs to be in right frame of mind to make changes to ones life and also to conquer OCD.

You have to retrain your brain that what happened, happened and that there is nothing you can do about it apart from move on.

You need to set goals and take each day as it comes.

Take each day day by day and make small steps, behavioural therapy teaches you that anyway.

OCD changes with our lives.

Once we find we are happy within ourselves, confident and secure our OCD will eventually subside. In the mean time talk with you GP about what types of medication they can prescribe to make the journey a bit easier.

For me one thing I have noticed is by experssing my thoughts in my online journal, I somehow can get whatever is ailing me at the time off my chest, so although I am not physically speaking with anyone, my readers who find value in the content I write will appreciate my comments.

You too can have your own journal it does not have to be online but a diary where you can monitor your good days and your bad and even compare your days with your GP or consultant.

For me my therapy is writing, it is like letting go of a demon. Obviously I have brainwashed myself that I have to perform things in a certain way otherwise it will play on my mind but can honestly say I do try to resist my compulsive urges as much as I can. It does not work all the time as I find I do cave in, but I cannot be criticised for not trying.

I know once I am in my happier place my OCD will be a thing of the past but its only been 30 years later that I have actually started to do something about it, before I was not in a position to but now I have an opportunity to learn, teach and heal.

Once you can admit to yourself what your insecurities are you are one step closer to battling your illness.

Fear.

For me it is a constant battle but I know where I am going with this and I may never be completly cured but once I am in a happier place I now I will be on the road to recovery.

At the moment I prefer to be a recluse and not allow anyone to enter my world. I am not ready to make that step especially with the FEAR Coronavirus Covid-19 Pandemic and I do not want to contract the virus as it could potentially kill my daughter who has a very low immune system, secondly she will not be able to even take the vaccine as it is a live virus including myself.

I Am Staying In My Bubble, For the Forseeable Future!

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Germ Awareness

Germ Awareness.

Germ Awareness.

OCD Germ Cross Contamination.

www.germawareness.co.uk

The Domain Name www.germawareness.co.uk is for sale, anyone wishing to acquire this name should contact us in the first instance. The domain name is not developed and is simply pointing to this post. This domain could easily be made into a teaching website.

Germs are all around us and we would not be able to live without them.

But for sufferers of contamination OCD the thought that germs can potentially harm people, OCD sufferers are more vigilant and will avoid germ contamination to safeguard themselves and others.

The wording ‘Germs’ refers to the microscopic bacteria, viruses, fungi, and protozoa that can cause disease. There are good germs and bad germs. The germs also know as (bacteria) help keep our digestive system in working order and keep harmful bad bacteria from moving in. Some bacteria are used to make medicines and vaccines. We also have good bacteria in our bodies to help fight bad bacteria. Scientists from the University of Georgia estimate the number of bacteria on our planet to be five million trillion. Most People Encounter Roughly 60,000 Germs per day and germs live all around us in the air, in soil and water, and on food, plants, and animals (including on and in our bodies).

With an OCD germ contamination sufferer, it is not always about washing and about keeping things clean, it may be more to do with the intrusive thought and the prevention of germ cross-contamination and the spread of germs.

An OCD germ contamination sufferer may avoid touching things that have not been disinfected or sterile, as everything that has been touched by someone else and not disinfected could possibly carry harmful germs.

An OCD germ contamination sufferer will avoid touching things that have been touched by someone else without taking measures to eliminate the possibility of cross-contamination. This may include touching door handles with tissue, elbow, or gloves which could also include toilet seats, handles, and sink taps.

Anything that has been touched by another person potentially could have harmful bacteria including Door Handles, Public Chairs, ATM machines, Petrol Station filling up Nozzles and Card Machines,

When shopping several people may have handled a product before you, these people may be the ones that stack shelves with products that have been shipped from warehouses where other people have touched the same item before it ends up in your shopping basket and then in your home.

Imagine from the factory the item has come from may have been packed by the person (1) and then shipped by another person (2), collected by another person (3) and then stacked by another person (4), with a total of four or more people handling the same item you have just purchased. This is just an example but once a product leaves a factory and goes on its journey it will be handled by multiple people.

Let’s face it people are not doing as they are told and are not maintaining social distancing and are basically spreading germs.

If we all did as we were told and we all disinfected everything and stayed our distance the virus would be under control but it’s not.

For people especially teenagers who won’t be told, try keeping two teenagers madly in love apart. Intermingling is happening under the radar and until a vaccine is found this virus will continue to persist. Imagine two people living apart who are in a relationship, teenagers and adults alike how do you stop them from meeting up, you can’t and you won’t? Also, try keeping bored teenagers under lockdown. You would literally have to tag everybody. Maybe that is their master plan but I am not going to go into conspiracy theories on here right now. 🙂

For me, social distancing is second nature me, and especially now my social anxiety is increased, and am even reluctant to even meet and greet the delivery drivers let alone anyone else. I am at arm’s length when I have to collect a parcel and make them put it down on a wall until they are at a safe distance away from me.

I suffer from germ contamination OCD and the fear of touching things that have been touched by someone else without being disinfected is not incomprehensible to me. Hence I will avoid touching things and will handle items in a safe manner including removing all outer packaging carefully. The same goes for envelopes imagine how many people have touched that envelope before you and the saliva that stuck it down. How many letters have you opened that could be licked by someone. Imagine the tons of post that is being mailed worldwide on a daily basis. How come no one has thought about this other than me? Licking envelopes and stamps is the equivalent to sending anthrax in the post.

Nothing gets touched with my bare hands that have not to be made sterile or disinfected. I get it I cannot disinfect everything around me and would have to live in a sterile bubble if that was the case, but I try to maintain a sterile environment as much as possible.

I use over 1000 pairs of disposable gloves per month and about 6 litres of Dettol Antiseptic Disinfectant Liquid. That’s a small penance to pay if you want to keep your family safe.

Not everything can be disinfected so be careful how you sanitize things and remember if you have been out in public the chance of cross-contamination on your garments is slightly higher hence garments need to be washed at high temperatures to kill germs, as most professionals are suggesting for facemasks. However washing clothes at high temperatures potentially can damage the garments, such as shrinkage, color bleed so an alternative method of using Dettol Antibacterial Laundry Cleanser helps to kill 99.9%% of germs at low temperature in your washing machine. I personally use the traditional Dettol Antiseptic Disinfectant (brown colored liquid), the downside to this my clothes do not come out smelling of flowers but I do believe Dettol has a Lavender and Orange oil Disinfectant that you can use for laundry use.

**Always read the small print on the back of the packaging to see if it suits your purpose.

Due to the coronavirus pandemic, I am even more careful what I touch and am more vigilant especially after I had intrusive thoughts about a takeout that was made up by someone else. I fought my thoughts but started to feel uneasy when I developed a mild sore throat which has now eased off thankfully. But the paranoia started to set in and it took some doing to overcome these unwanted thoughts.

Being labeled a germaphobe is not a laughing matter and one should not put labels on people. OCD is a mental health disorder and in my case, it has fluctuated since this Covid-19 Pandemic.

If you are to use disposable gloves only use them once and then immediately replace them with a fresh pair (They are for one use only).

Always get rid of disposable masks carefully and never wear any mask twice, even if it is a washable cloth mask, as the pathogens could have landed on your masks whilst you were out (if you can’t see them how do you know they are not there).

Never share anything with another person, such as pens, keyboards, etc without disinfecting them first.

Don’t worry about what people think, they should be more understandable especially in this present climate.

Always maintain social distancing and in the case of people you work with where you cannot maintain social distancing do not shake hands with them, especially if you do not want to whip out the hand sanitizer straight after, as not to offend the individual and always wear your masks wherever possible and disinfect everything prior to using.

If anything do fist bumps, air hugs & kisses.

Germs could be on surfaces avoid touching public surfaces wherever possible and disinfect things before touching them.

Be vigilant of your environment and where pathogens can land on surfaces if they are airborne.

My recommendations for protecting yourselves and the products I use are as follows:

Do take a moment to watch the videos and the link I have attached to give you a better understanding of Germ Contamination.

https://mytherapist.ie/contamination-ocd/
https://mytherapist.ie/contamination-ocd/
https://upstatephysicianssc.com/general-health/germs-are-here-to-stay/

If you found this post helpful please share and leave a comment. If you are finding things overwhelming right now and simply want to chat just send me a message.

Stay Safe and Stay Strong.

#germawareness #germs #germcrosscontamination #crosscontamination #ocd #ocdgermcontamination

Online Journal 21st October 2020 – Germ Cross Contamination.

CROSS CONTAMINATION

As you are all aware we are all in Lockdown again in Wales as of Friday with the ‘Fire Break’, I’m sure the government make up words and phrases as they go along.

Anyway because of my OCD I have not ventured out and am concerned about eating things that have been prepared by hand eg. from bakeries. I am also concerned about flies especially fruit flies that are in fact dangerous to humans as they carry pathogens.

https://www.webmd.com/food-recipes/how-get-rid-fruit-flies#1

I am also concerned about cross contamination and how there is not enough being said about how a virus can land on surfaces and spread from one person to another. This not just about washing your hands frequently or staying your distance it is about: ‘cross contamination’.

Here are a couple of scenario’s someone who is a carrier (unaware they are infected) who does not wear a mask at home has cross contaminated their belongings, so these germs can be cross contaminated and transferred to other people, by sharing. The same with anything anyone else has touched before you could be riddled with germs.

No one is talking about this and its alarming.

Here is a video of how easily germs can spread:

So to end this short entry, I am feeling under the weather so to speak and just want to sleep. I want to bury my head in the sand and wait for this pandemic to go away.

I am also paranoid about my fruit fly infestation I seem to have in my home and am spending a fortune on fly spray. These flies are stressing me out.

So not only do I have to worry about the pandemic and how to keep my family safe I have to contend with these parasites. Like I have nothing better to do with my life…..

Anyway I digress, I may be in need to take time out to just chill and re-charge my batteries. I am better at taking breaks than I used to be, as before I would not switch off.

The things I cannot live without at the moment are fly spray for sure and I will list all the things I use to try and combat my OCD. The other thing is disposable gloves and Dettol, it has to be Dettol as no other brand will do, well not in my eyes. I am sure other brands do the job just as well but my brain is wired to use Dettol products.

OCD – Tongue in Cheek Humour

In light of what is happening right now with Coronavirus Covid-19 Pandemic, we have to look on the bright side of things whilst also being serious about what we are going through globally as well appreciating that some people with mental health and OCD may be terrified of venturing out.

I suffer with OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder – Contamination of Germs) I have suffered with this for about 35 years now and have coped to a certain degree, but always found that if I was in a public place where I was not comfortable being in, especially if I had to sit down or touch elevator buttons or door handles I always made sure I was equipped with tissue paper and a small spray bottle of disinfectant.

So even though I have this disability I am still approachable and am not a ‘freak’ or a ‘ car crash’ as I have been called in the past. People can be very cruel.

I am normal to certain extent I still do everything other people do but with limitations, the only difference is when I feel insecure my barriers come up and I try to protect myself from harm by social distancing myself from the outside world.

People deal with stress and anxiety differently, some smoke cigarettes, drink alcohol or take drugs recreational or prescribed.

I must admit I am on medication but all it does is mellow me out and I usually take it on a night time before I go to sleep to stop me feeling zombified during the day. I have trouble sleeping, so if anything it does its job. If anyone is wondering I am on ‘Mirtazapine’ 30 mg tablets.

So even though as an OCD sufferer the following video made me laugh and I would not go to these lengths, there is an element of seriousness involved as some people may take it to the extreme. Always try to understand a person if they are doing something that you may not necessarily do, they have their reasons for doing things like cleaning the seat before sitting down. Worst case scenario for me if I was not able to disinfect the seating would be to wash my clothes as soon as I got in.

Obviously this video is a joke as someone with OCD would not allow for anything to touch the floor (the spray bottle and back pack touched the floor).

Since Lockdown back in March I have not ventured out other than to meet and greet Amazon drivers, the postman or grocery delivery drivers.

I find staying away gives me some sense of security and I prefer it that way until I am confident to venture into the big bad world again.

I even bought myself a set of my own cutlery which is stainless steel and also good for camping and kids lunch boxes.

Mine came with two cases a soft a case and a hard case.

For all intents and purposes I have recommended a similar one to the one I bought which I think may have sold out.

Do use the radio buttons to scroll from low prices to high and don’t forget to use Amazon Prime if you are subscribed, which I am.

The things I will never leave home without is hand sanitiser, travel spray bottle of decanted Dettol. A quick burst of this on surfaces kills germs instantaneously. Because Dettol has been hard to source I usually buy it bulk on Amazon along with disposable gloves. I prefer the Nitrile or Vinyl gloves rather than the latex versions which are like party balloons and rip easier. In fact I just bought the very same box of gloves I am advertising only today as a matter of fact. They used to be readily available at the beginning of the year and they did cost £49.99 for ten boxes but as you can see they have increased in value to £79.99 it is still better than paying £12.00 plus for a box of 100 gloves. It is was it is and it will take care of my needs for about a month.

Here are my recommendations.

Do stay safe and be germ aware!