Category: Resentment

Support & Encouragement

Support & Encouragement

If you can follow like and share complete strangers’ content and worship celebrities then why can you not be supportive to your family, friends, and their businesses?

I will give you an example I did a social experiment yesterday to see how many members of my family would, like, comment, share, or even respond to a text message and Facebook post I had made, even though they are active online.

You will be surprised to know that I had ZERO interaction from them, yet they want me to sit at the same table as them and have dinner with them.

If you can gawk at a TV show for half an hour idolizing celebs you have never met or spend time on social media platforms, why can you not be supportive of friends and family that may rely on likes, shares, and comments to generate more traffic to their businesses?

According to the latest statistics an average person spends 145 minutes every day on social media, or 2 hours and 25 minutes every day. One of the most surprising things is that the figure has gone up by almost a full hour since 2012, so if every person with a smartphone checks their phone for messages and emails to then say they are not connected with the main social media platforms may be telling a white lie. Our brains are wired to release a chemical called dopamine which is a neurotransmitter to make us feel happy, it prompts us to connect online and can be addictive.

It is therefore disappointing to know that these members of my family have totally ignored the message I sent yesterday, in fact, total strangers over 9.5K on LinkedIn alone and I have never met before are more supportive of me online than my own family, which basically says a lot.

Therefore I have to analyse why that could be and this is what I have found.

  1. People are so consumed in their own beliefs and lifestyles and may not understand yours, hence will not be supportive of you.
  2. Others may be insecure about their own dead-end lives and may not want you to succeed for the fear that you might actually make something of yourself and leave them standing. This for all intent and purposes it is jealousy, as they can see you are turning your life around whilst they are stuck in their mundane lives, eating, sleeping, and working with no purpose and most cases up to their eyeballs in debt (mortgages, car loans credit cards, etc). Your life is more exciting than theirs, especially if you are debt-free.
  3. Most people are batteries in the matrix and are programmed and will not support or encourage you because they do not know-how.
  4. Sometimes entrepreneurs may act a little crazy, weird, different, outrageous, and maybe dreamers, believers, trailblazers. This is nothing to be shunned upon in fact it should be celebrated. Yet people do not like anything that is different, they like normal and may label you as eccentric and have reservations and fear that your craziness may rub off on them so they do not comment or interact.
  5. They may think very highly of themselves even going as far as believing they are better than you, so will not be supportive of anything you put your hands to, (which I believe is true). A true friend or sincere family member will reach out to you at least once a month and not a couple of times a year.
  6. Often in entrepreneurship CEOs may make decisions that others would not consider doing as they want to play safely in their mundane lives. They may not support you because they see what you do is a gamble.
  7. If your family or friends see no change in your lifestyle, they may think you are not succeeding and without you proving you have assets they will never believe in you until they see it for themselves, hence will not give you the encouragement as they will assume and presume you are failing.
  8. People may not support you because they do not believe in your values.
  9. They may not understand the concept that the more likes, shares, and comments you have the more traffic it will attract as their friends will see your content also and the cycle continues.

I wrote a post on Linkedin asking if a domain broker does not interact with you on your posts, should you like, share and comment on their posts? I believe everyone that wants exposure should interact with one another, a bit like “I will scratch your back if you scratch mine”. It does not have to be business orientated it could be you as an individual wanting more connections, friend requests, and liked to your posts.

“When someone does not support or encourage you, do what you do twice and take pictures”.

My social experiment was a disaster but my family got the message I was advertising, even though they may deny ever receiving anything from me and not realize the aftermath and consequences of their unresponsive reactions.

There is always a domino effect to everything we do in life. If they are not interested in my life, only when it suits them, then why should I be interested in theirs?

“Their beliefs are not your beliefs”.

“Never tell people your problems, 80% don’t care and the other 20% are glad you have them”.

“Don’t feel bad when people reject you. People usually reject things because they can’t afford them”.

“Never ignore someone who cares about you because someday you’ll realize you lost a diamond when you were busy collecting stones”.

For me, I am trying to not be resentful because the members of my family that have not been supportive in what I do could have helped me by spreading awareness which essentially costs nothing. I do not need empowerment from them, they have had plenty of chances, but it would have been nice to have had a like, comment, and share rather than nothing at all.

In turn, they could have inadvertently helped others like myself that suffer from disabilities to encourage them with kind comments. It is not as if they never received my message as I sent them all a text message which was delivered.

Giving support and encouragement can be uplifting and can change a person’s mood and help with mental health issues. Always be kind and considerate and do think twice before scrolling past a post or completely ignoring a text message, especially if they are friends or family.

My family’s time will come when they will learn the truth of how I actually have felt and how their lack of support has affected my mental health.

I do not dwell on things, just record certain memories for reference. I am learning to disassociate myself from negativity and judgemental people, who are just watching and waiting for you to fail. Never let anyone’s negativity alter your mental state it is their opinion it is no the rest of the world’s opinion and who are they at the end of the day if they are judgemental and unsupportive.

I suppose you live and learn and you carry on.

https://www.thedailypositive.com/32-facts-to-remember-when-people-are-unsupportive/

Why Do People Assume or Presume?

Why Do People Assume or Presume?

Taking People For Granted, Assuming, Presuming and Mental Health.

People make assumptions as an efficient way to process the world. It is a shortcut to knowing the facts. As one Yale neurobiology professor explained, the brain’s vast neural network requires huge amounts of energy to keep it running: … One way our brain saves energy is by making assumptions. Making assumptions can ruin people’s lives.

Assume vs Presume

Presume is a verb that means to suppose, to take for granted, or to dare. Assume is a verb that means to suppose, to take for granted, to take upon, to do, or to undertake.

Assume and presume both mean “to take something for granted” or “to take something as true.” The difference between the words lies in the degree of confidence held by the speaker or writer. … ‘Presume‘ is the word to use if you’re making an informed guess based on reasonable evidence.

Therefore as an example I ask you some questions.

These are all hypothetical questions.

  1. Would you assume for example someone could find nearly $100 per month only by giving them one month’s notice for an increase in rent? Would you presume they could afford to find the $100?
  2. The second question would you assume someone who is self-employed to drop everything because you were arriving without even asking them if the date of your arrival was suitable for them? or would you presume they would just find the time because you snapped your fingers?
  3. The third question would you message a VIP and assume they have time to chat with you or that they will phone you when what you could say could have been written in an email that would take a minute or two to read, or would you expect that person to take time out of their busy schedule to hear you waffle on about something that could have been put in writing? or would you presume they would drop what they are doing to casually chat with you?
  4. Would you assume or presume that whoever you asked to call you or meet you could afford to do so? Would you assume or presume that their finances can meet the budget of an excursion for example or meeting up to go to a fancy restaurant? A self-employed person has more commitments than the average person, they have to pay the overheads of their business not just their own personal expenses.

These are all hypothetical questions that a disabled entrepreneur is faced with and I want to teach people to consider others before making rash decisions. It is unfair to put anyone on the spot regardless of their status, disability or situation.

Always discuss things and be very understanding and be respectful of someone’s wishes. Never judge based on a person’s choices.

Always find out the facts first and understand people’s circumstances before making plans or assumptions.

A self-employed person may not have the time to meet and maybe 100% dedicated to their work. Just because you have free time or work for someone else, there is a difference. If you work for someone else your wage is guaranteed, however, if you work for yourself your income is not”.

Do take off your rose-colored tinted glasses before making plans. There is a saying “put your brain in gear before putting your mouth in motion”.

People with Rosecolored tinted glasses tend to be optimistic and have a cheerful way of looking at life. … Someone who looks at things through rose-colored tinted glasses looks on the bright side, sees the glass half full, and looks for a silver lining in all things. So their way of thinking maybe if you lose work because of a casual meet-up to not to worry as another job will come along, having a go-lucky attitude. They also may think that life is too short to worry about finances and just go with the flow and live for the moment. Their excuses will always override your thinking and you cannot win.

NEVER ASSUME OR PRESUME ANYTHING!

  1. Do not assume or presume that people can talk to you when they are working 24/7.
  2. Do not assume or presume people can meet you even for five minutes if they have a busy schedule or a critical time path and manage other people’s businesses.
  3. Do not assume or presume people can pull money out of their a##es just because you are demanding. Think about what this will do to a person’s mental state of mind if you go on your high horse and be expectant.
  4. You would not expect, assume or presume the likes of say, someone like “Elon Musk” to drop everything for you so do not think you are so special that anyone will drop everything for you.
  5. Consider the other person’s circumstances before assuming or presuming they can travel. They may have health issues and may find it difficult to travel. Do not assume or presume that someone with a physical or mental disability will recover miraculously within a short space of time of your arrival, never assume or presume anything.
  6. Never assume or presume that within a month someone can find an extra $100 per month for a rent increase when they could have lost business because of the pandemic or their job.
  7. Never invite yourself to anyone’s home without asking them first if it is convenient, do not assume or presume that you turning up someone will drop everything for you.

It really rattles me when people are so narrow-minded and do not care about anything apart from themselves”.

People simply do not care: https://disabledentrepreneur.uk/why-people-do-not-care

I am venting my anger because not only do I have time wasters trying to waste my precious time, attempting me to do work but refusing to sign contracts, I also have those that think they can waste my precious money.

If you cannot support me, why bother talking to me? If you are just wanting to meet up to be nosey and judgemental, you can read about me online and do not have to see me? https://renataentrepreneur.com/irenata-my-sites

Do take people’s circumstances into consideration especially if they are running a business and have health issues.

If you want to see someone but they are not comfortable meeting you consider Facetime, Skype, Zoom, Teams to name a few, I personally do not have to see you in person.

Do not assume or presume that I for one will drop everything for you because you are arriving, you should never put anyone on the spot and expect to meet if you know they have health issues.

Do not assume or presume that my health issues will miraculously go away within a short space of time when I personally have battled my illness for 30 years. Do not put people on the spot and force them into a situation they do not want to be in.

Do not be selfish.

Do not assume or presume because you are turning up on a weekend that someone such as myself does not work weekends. Always find out the facts and give the other person plenty of time to make adjustments if at all possible and discuss a happy medium where both parties can agree to something, consider the person’s disabilities, and do not expect too much from that person if you care about them.

Ask in advance if that particular date is suitable for both parties concerned, do not assume or presume that they can take time off work, and be aware that may lose business because of your selfish, careless thinking.

Life lesson does not matter how old you are, if you want something from someone be prepared to compensate them for their time, service, and resources.

Never assume or presume people’s financial circumstances or their health and never assume or presume to take up people’s time.

Assumption can lead to resentment and animosity. Always communicate properly and understand that people that run small businesses may not have free time especially if they are trying to build their empires. Always consider other people’s circumstances first before being selfish.

There are so many self-centered people in this world, that simply only care about themselves but live a lie pretending they care about others, do not be one of them!

Note From the Editor.

Putting my health issues aside for a moment, I run several businesses www.irenata.com, and manage over 100 websites. I support startups that may not have the money to pay for a website upfront but want a helping hand to get them started. In return, they recommend me to other businesses. Just because I have over 100 websites they may not all be payable until the end of the trial period. Where I have to dedicate at least 2-4 hours of work a month to each website, so do the maths, that is 2-4 x hours per website x 100 websites = 200 – 400 hours per month divided by 4 weeks is 50 -100 hours a week which divided by 7 days is 7-14 hours per day without me doing anything else, so where have I find the time to meet up for a casual chit chat? I don’t and I can’t. I am not going to jeopardize my business for anyone.

This Is How My Critical Time Path Should Look Like below:

However I cannot keep to my plan and most certainly cannot take time off work.

This is just an example CTP.

“So before assuming or presuming I can take time off work, take into consideration that I run several businesses of my own and manage other people’s businesses also”, so do the maths.

So before being judgemental and labeling me, I will protect my business with my life and will put it before anyone and anything else. I know there are people who are just watching and waiting for me to fail but I will not let that happen.

“Just because I have a disability does not make me crazy”.

If I choose not to waste my time walking around a park aimlessly for 10 minutes a day that’s my business. If I want fresh air I can step outside or if I want to do exercise I can do it in the comfort of my home.

I can manage my disabilities using my own methodology and do not like people trying to change my way of thinking unless I specifically ask them to.

If you have not walked in my shoes you have no right to make opinions, assumptions, or presumptions.

#assume #assuming #presume #presuming #takingforgranted

Feeling of Resentment

What is Resentment.

Resentment (also called ranklement or bitterness) is a multilayered complex of emotions that collectively are the feeling of disappointment, disgust, anger, and fear. Psychologists have come to the conclusion that it is a mood or a secondary emotion (including cognitive elements) that can be elicited in the face of insult and/or injury. It is a generalized defense mechanism against unfair situations or incidents.

Resentment is a festering feeling of bitterness and anger. Have you ever had the feeling that lingers in the back of your mind how something or someone has done you wrong and you cannot forgive or forget?

In my lifetime especially in the last 30 years, I have had a build-up of resentment to individuals and institutions that has manifested in bulk. As time goes on and more incidents happen because of a domino effect the more rage I have which then festers.

The fire is not full-blown flames but more a smoldering ember that remains hot and could reignite at any time.

I won’t bore you with all the details but I have had one particular person asked me about six months after my mother’s death where I was not thinking properly “how long do I expect to grieve“? Fifteen years later I am still grieving and the said individual who said this I hope they rot in hell for being so uncaring and shallow. Granted the circumstances of this particular incident could have been handled better by me but I was not in the right frame of mind to execute any plans as I was trying to cope with grief. Then two years ago I was traumatized by another person (no relation to me but someone of authority trying to mock my disability (PIP) again this will all be revealed in my book.

Moving on to the present time another person is on my radar that is a leech stuck to my daughter. I disapprove of him and no matter if he jumped through hoops I would still resent him because I believe the feeling is mutual and he is doing everything to drive a wedge between my daughter and I.

I believe the only way you can hurt a person is through their pocket. There is a saying “he who laughs last, laughs the longest”. Watch how I do not support my daughter financially if she chooses this person. Why should he benefit from my hard-earned money? Why should he get a penny from me?

The same goes for my deceased brother’s partner who inherited the whole of his estate after he passed away. Why should I give her the time of day when the sheer greed of her wealth has made her think she is another league to me.

I have a lot of resentment towards her for dumping my brother’s ashes out in the middle of nowhere which once belonged to the Woodland Trust but now is private land with no way of paying my respects even if I wanted to as I could be done for trespassing, not only that it is virtually impossible to reach and for claiming every last penny of a pension that a company reached out to me initially for. I have resentment towards her when I was in a very abusive relationship and asked her if I could come and stay at hers and she then went off the radar never to phone or text to see how I was.

Sure some people find it is awkward if someone asks them for help but if they are decent human beings they will help and not turn their back on a person.

I have no respect for her and I hope that her wealth is short-lived and only brings her more unhappiness. The domino effect is she has moved another man into what was my brother’s house and this man is living off the aftermath of my brother’s death.

The domino effect was my brother having his contract not renewed by a luxury car manufacturer which caused my brother to go to Ecuador to save the rain forest but unfortunately could not save himself. Had the car manufacturer kept him on he would most probably be alive today.

The other domino effect was if my brother’s partner had helped out when I went to her for help I would not have had my ribs broken, my knee dislocated and chemicals sprayed into my eyes, never mind the long list of other things that I have suppressed.

The domino effect for my daughter not being offered a place in her first choice of University because of the stress can cause her to have an MS relapse.

There should be a domino effect law with consequences if things go wrong.

The domino effect of my landlord not hardwiring his electrical points causing me to cook with Gas rather than Electric. The domino effect of my landlord does not double glazing my flat causing my money to filter through the single glazed windows allowing draughts and me to feel extremely cold in the winter months. The domino effect of me feeling extremely stressed because of his actions.

I believe in helping people, if you cannot help because you don’t want to, you are not a decent human being. Helping does not have to be materialistic or physical it could be guidance, advice, and support.

I also resent people in power demanding extortionate amounts of money to survive whilst the rest of the world has to struggle to make ends meet.

https://www.mirror.co.uk/news/politics/tory-donor-asked-fund-nanny-24022098

Do people that think they are better than you s@#t gold or p@# champagne? Is their blood any different from ours? They still have to do all the same things we do, like eat, sleep, go to the bathroom, work and breathe the same air. Just because you have a high-powered job or have a title does not make you any better, you are still a human being at the end of the day.

Here are 5 steps to release and let go of resentment:

  1. Recognize resentment
  2. Confront your resentment
  3. Find ways to overcome your resentment
  4. Try to forgive
  5. Be grateful for what you have and not what you have lost

Note From the Editor

For me, I might find peace to a certain degree but I will never forgive and will never forget. There is a saying “hell hath no fury as a woman scorned“.

People may say I hold grudges, my answer to that is I move on from the ordeal and do not dwell or hold grudges, but learn from them and will never forget and will not forgive. If someone is looking for forgiveness they should turn to the lord (if you believe) and not to me. People only have one chance to redeem themselves. One cannot repeat the same mistakes over and over. You are either a Hollywood friend or a true friend and I am now an expert at reading people, hence I keep my distance.

#mentalhealth #depression #anxiety #discrimination #clinical depression #ptsd