What To Do If You Suspect Domestic Violence

Disclaimer: This article is for informational purposes only and does not replace professional legal or safeguarding advice. If you are in immediate danger, always dial 999.

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Approaching a Sensitive and Potentially Dangerous Situation

Hearing arguments, violence, or coercive behaviour through the walls can be distressing, and many people struggle with the question: Should I get involved? On one hand, ignoring the situation feels wrong, especially when a child may be in the home. On the other hand, reporting it could escalate the violence or even put you, as a neighbour, at risk.

Here, I explore how to handle the situation responsibly, the risks to both victim and bystander, and what steps you can take if you suspect domestic violence.

Why Caution Is Necessary

Experts on domestic violence often stress that calling the police is not always straightforward. While emergency services may perform a “wellfare check,” survivors are sometimes blamed or punished by their abuser after authorities leave. In fact, research shows that the period when a victim is leaving or seeking help is the most dangerous time:

• Women are at four times higher risk of physical or sexual assault and stalking after leaving an abuser than when they remain in the home.
• According to the Office for National Statistics (ONS), in the year ending March 2023, an estimated 2.1 million people in the UK experienced domestic abuse (1.4 million women and 751,000 men).
• Tragically, women are most likely to be killed by a partner or ex-partner in the first weeks after separation.

This is why each case must be judged individually, and why survivors themselves are best placed to decide what course of action is safest for them.

Signs You Might Be Hearing Domestic Abuse

From my own experience, you may overhear disturbing comments such as, “You Said You Would OBEY Me.” Such language can indicate coercive control, a criminal offence in the UK since 2015.

Other warning signs include:

• Repeated yelling, belittling, or threats
• Sounds of physical violence (slaps, thuds, crashes)
• A partner exerting control over movements, finances, or daily routines
• Children in the home appear fearful or withdrawn

In some cases, neighbours may also engage in dismissive or mocking behaviour towards you, as was my experience when my condition (OCD) was ridiculed, after I tried to set boundaries. This can deepen the sense of unease in your living environment.

Steps You Can Take Safely

1. Document Concerns
   • Keep a private record (date, time, what was heard/observed).
   • Note concerning behaviours like leaving the front door on the latch, particularly if this triggers safety concerns linked to your own past abuse.
2. Speak With Your Landlord or Housing Association
   • You’ve already taken this step, which is important for accountability.
   • Landlords and housing providers can flag safety risks and raise concerns formally.
3. Call for Immediate Help if You Believe Lives Are in Danger
   • If you ever believe there is an imminent threat to someone’s safety, call 999.
   • You can request anonymity when making a report.
4. Provide Resources Without Pressure
   • If you feel able and it’s safe, pass on a discreet note with domestic abuse helplines.
   • Avoid large leaflets or anything obvious. A small card or piece of paper is best.
5. Protect Your Own Safety
   • Never confront the alleged abuser directly.
   • Consider whether social services should be contacted due to the presence of a child, children exposed to domestic abuse are considered at risk of harm under UK safeguarding laws.

The Role of Social Services

If children are involved, local safeguarding boards, such as social services would be required to step in if abuse is reported. Domestic abuse is not only harmful to the adult victim but is also legally recognised as a form of child abuse, given the emotional trauma and potential physical danger children face when living in such environments.

Balancing Concern With Self-Protection

It is understandable for me to feel apprehensive, especially when I’ve survived abuse myself and feel unsafe in my home. My fear of retaliation is valid; research shows that abusers often target anyone they perceive as “interfering.”

If someone else has already reported the situation, you should not feel guilty for hesitating. Protecting your own well-being must also remain a priority.

Statistics at a Glance

• 2.1 million adults in the UK experienced domestic abuse in 2023.
• One in five children has lived with an abusive parent.
• Domestic abuse-related crimes account for 17% of all recorded crime.
• On average, two women a week are killed by a partner or ex-partner in England and Wales.

(Source: ONS, Women’s Aid, Refuge UK)

Final Thoughts

If you suspect your neighbours are experiencing domestic violence, the best approach is cautious compassion. Document what you hear, report to your landlord, and if the situation seems life-threatening, contact the police without hesitation. Remember, however, that the victim is the one who must decide when and how to seek help. For safety reasons, maintain your own safety, set boundaries, and seek advice from domestic abuse hotlines. You are not responsible for the violence, but by staying aware and prepared, you can play a role in ensuring that help reaches those who need it, without placing yourself at unnecessary danger.

UK Domestic Abuse Resources

• Refuge: www.refuge.org.uk
• Women’s Aid: https://www.womensaid.org.uk/information-support/the-survivors-handbook/im-worried-about-someone-else/
• https://www.brickunderground.com/live/how_do_I_help_my_neighbor_whos_being_abused
• https://disabledentrepreneur.uk/category/domestic-violence/ (30 articles).
• GOV: https://www.gov.uk/guidance/domestic-abuse-how-to-get-help
• NHS UK: https://www.nhs.uk/live-well/getting-help-for-domestic-violence/
• Crime Prevention: https://www.ourwatch.org.uk/crime-prevention/crime-types/domestic-abuse/how-help
• In England, call the Freephone 24-hour National Domestic Violence Helpline run by Refuge on 0808 2000 247.
• In Wales, call the All-Wales 24 Hour Domestic Violence Helpline 0808 80 10 800 or visit the Welsh Women’s Aid website.
• In Northern Ireland, call the Freephone 24 Hour Domestic Violence Helpline 0808 802 1414 or the NI Women’s Aid website.
• In Scotland, call the Freephone 24 Hour Domestic Violence Helpline 0800 027 1234 or visit the Scottish Women’s Aid website.
• Karma Nirvana is the specialist helpline for forced marriage and honour-based abuse. It is open 9-5 Monday to Friday. 0800 5999 247. Or email them at info@karmanirvana.org.uk https://karmanirvana.org.uk/
• Galop is the LGBT+ anti-violence charity which runs the National LGBT+ Domestic Abuse Helpline 0800 999 5428 or email help@galop.org.uk https://www.galop.org.uk/
• Men’s Advice Line 0808 801 0327 https://mensadviceline.org.uk/
• Crimestoppers 0800 555 111 https://crimestoppers-uk.org/
• Victim Support 0808 16 89 111 https://www.victimsupport.org.uk/
• National Stalking Helpline 0808 802 0300 https://uksaysnomore.org/learn/domestic-abuse/stalking/ and https://www.suzylamplugh.org/Pages/Category/national-stalking-helpline
• Respect Phoneline 0808 802 4040 https://respectphoneline.org.uk/contact-us/
• https://disabledentrepreneur.uk/useful-links-2/ More Charities & Support Groups.
• Serious Crime Act, Coecive Control: Serious Crime Act 2015
• First4Lawyers: www.first4lawyers.com