Category: Motivational Posts

Coping With Life When You Are Disabled.

Copying With life When You Are Disabled.

I have this methology “if life gives you lemons, make lemonade”. I am not the type of person to whinge and moan, I just make the most of what I have and try to get on with it.

I always keep myself busy and set goals. However my physical and mental disabilities are obstacles that daily I have to get round.

My OCD is by far one of my prominent disabilities and have designed a quarantined cocoon area where only I have access to. This area allows me to be free of any anxieties that I would have in the normal environment. I have adopted this practice to save cleaning my whole home from top to bottom day in and day out. Believe me I used to clean from top to bottom every single day until I realised I was wasting valuable time doing something else.

Keeping myself busy does help to block out intrusive thoughts to a certain degree. I am the worlds worse for critising myself. I try to brain train to reason with myself that what I do is ridiculous and out of character to normal people, but it all is related to stress, anxiety and depression. Depending how stress I am under will depend how well my day will be. If I am super stressed, I find that I cannot concentrate and even do minuscule tasks.

My OCD is germ contamination related and I am even more conscious of my surrounding and the things that I touch. I dislike people visting me and visa versa. I prefer not to go out, hence I am not going out any time soon pandemic regulations or not.

I actually wrote an article on my other blog about germ awareness and cross contamination: https://marketingagency.cymrumarketing.com/2021/02/16/saliva-and-mail-cross-contamination-of-germs/

As for my other disabilities:

  • Cerebellar Atrophy (I lose my balance or grip and muddle my words up especially when I write, I also have mental blocks).
  • OCD (I am aware of germ cross contimination and and am careful what I touch).
  • Social Disconnection (I prefer my own company and not go out and socialise, although we can’t anyway but you get my drift).
  • PTSD (I have flashbacks of the physical and mental trauma I endured in the past and certain things trigger my depression).
  • Clinical Depression (This is related to past physical and mental trauma I endured, in which there are days where I go to a dark place).
  • Rheumatoid Arthritis (I cannot bend my knee, again from past physical trauma/abuse).
  • Dysphagia (I sometimes choke of food, I get a painful feeling followed by trouble swallowing and breathing and only when the food is dislodged does the feeling subside, gross I know but what can I do? I have been told I could have surgery but there is no gauarantee that it would work. I am not going to go under the knife for anything, I can tell you that for sure).
  • Epidural Analgesia (Chronic Back Pain, even bending down to feed the cat makes my back spasm, the same goes if I am standing for excessive length of time I have shooting pains from the small of my back to the nape of my neck. Simple taskes like taking out the rubbish or bringing in the grocery shopping has brought tears to my eyes in the past).

So yes I have good days and bad days but I do not dwell on my ailments and try to live the best way I can. I adapt to around my disabilities. Fortuantely for me I offer digital services so I can do 100% of my work online and do not have to venture out.

Stress and worry are contributing factors to my OCD, PTSD, Depression and Social Disconnection.

  • Getting headaches (I have regular headaches)
  • Having stomach cramps (I have a bad stomach most days, but that can be from drinking energy drinks to keep me awake).
  • Not being able to sleep (I find my medication helps me sleep but it takes a few hours for me to wind down, hence I watch a film or play a game, I also read books from time to time).
  • Feeling pains in your chest (I do not get them often but when I do it is scary as I have also experienced jaw ache and shooting pain down my left arm in the past). I have had an ecg scan done and the doctor said there was nothing wrong, yet the same doctor also prescribed antacid ‘Gaviscon’ to my daughter even though she was later diagnosed with MS after I admitted her into A&E.
  • Having constant worring (If I do not keep myself busy I do worry hence I try to keep my mind occupied all the time). Worrying only makes your health deteriorate and although life struggles can get in the way of your happiness, one needs to find a way to tackle the problem we are faced with, rather than sweep them under the carpet. Confronting your inner demons makes you stronger. Sometimes simply writing down your problems is the first step to dealing with whatever is on your mind. Talking to a friend or family member also helps but for me expessing my emotions in the form of a blog is theraputic in itself.
  • Having panic attacks (I only get these if I have to meet negative people). People that judge or critise, you know the people I am talking about or if I have a deadline in work or something that I have seen or heard that has triggered the onset of sheer panic. However for most part I am organised and know to how to avoid trigger warnings, so panic attacks are subdued.
  • Feeling shortness of breath, (I only get this if I cannot swallow due to my Dysphagia or at times when I have in the past been in distress, due to the trauma and abuse I endured).
  • Having mood swings with friends or family (I avoid socialising so no one knows my moods and no one can be on the tail end if I do have a bad day).
  • Finding it hard to feel happy (Continuously reassuring myself and staying positive that what I am doing will eventually change my life for the better, is enough to motivate me to get up and tackle every day tasks).

Although I was going to do a daily/weekly journal of my health, I am not able to do so at present as I have many projects I am working on and simply do not have the time, but I always try to strive to stay focused and optimistic that tomorrow will be a better day.

Obviously adopting a healthy lifestyle can help with coping with life struggles, such as:

  • Regular Exercise
  • Breathing Exercise
  • Meditation
  • Eating Healthily
  • Brain Training
  • Learning New Things
  • Staying Focused
  • Being Organised
  • Setting Goals
  • Time Management
  • Avoiding Negative People
  • Learning to Trust People
  • Motivation
  • Talking to Family and Friends About Your Troubles
  • Discussing your Problems with Professionals, Health, Finance, Relationships etc

Final Thoughts!

I am a disabled entrepreneur and I have created a business round my disabilities. The way I saw it when I first started out, I would not fit in or be accepted in a normal working enviroment and I am the most happiest I have ever been for a long time doing what I do and it works for me. So the way I see it is my disabilities are a blessing in disguise, as I would not be where I am today without them.

I avoid negative judgemental people especially if they have power trips (Trolls especially that have nothing better to do than try an bring a person down, these get immediately blocked).

As for me I will help anyone that genuinely needs my help. I am very good at analysing people and situations and I am very astute.

Stay safe, stay focused and stay motivated, nothing stays the same forever unless you let it…

What is Narcissism

What is Narcisissism.

Narcissism is a PERSONALITY DISORDER, it is defined by the pursuit of POWER wanting other people to see you as IMPORTANT. Seeking gratification for everything you do including ooking for COMPLIMENTS AND ADMIRATION from a personal self-image to being RECOGNISED for the things you may do. It is the feeling that you love yourself so much that you expect others to love you too and in the same way. A Narcissitic person wants to be NO 1 in everything they do and wants CONTROL of his/her surroundings. The term originated from Greek mythology, where a young man named Narcissus fell in love with his own image reflected in a pool of water.

Todays post was prompted by a comment that was made on another post which got me thinking I should write about Narcissism as this has affected me personally and over the years I tried to evaluate this particular individual that essentially tried to control me.

At first this person who will remain nameless for now was introduced to me by a friend. My first impressions was I did not like him, call it a gut feeling if you will. However it was at the time where I was feeling alone and wanting deperately, someone, anyone to comfort me as I had lost both my parents in a short space of time. It was after several meetings through my social circles I had, I met this person again.

The first time I met him he was very drunk and the times after that he was sober but it was a favour for a friend I ended up meeting him alone (Jan 2010 – all will be revealed in my book). Pleasantly surprised, I found him charming and funny and thought perhaps I had read him wrong and gave him another chance.

It was not long after we started dating and being extremely naive at the time it did not cross my mind that he was interested in me as I had inherited a lot of money. However tragedy struck again within a month of me dating him when I lost my brother.

I felt my life was falling apart and needed someone to help me hold it together.

Obviously being fairly well off I was able to fund holidays abroad and it was most probably four months into our relationship I experienced the first outburst. I brushed it off as I thought maybe he was having an off day as most people do not see eye to eye at some point in their relationship and I just thought it was a one off incident.

He showed no signs of being narcissistic until most probably a year later where he would start to question everything I did and who I was with and the first serious incident was when he sprayed an concoction of chemicals in my eyes and temporarily blinded me.

I will be the first person to admit I was very stupid with what played out after, as I refused to press charges against him. I thought I could reason with him, CHANGE HIM and make him learn from his mistakes, I even suggested therapy, how wrong was I, as it was three year after the first major incident he struck again this time kicking my knee seven times until it dislocated and to this day I now have problems with it and will have to have an operation to have it fixed. I even tried analysing his background as I noticed people in his birthplace very abusive to their partners which made think this is their way of life. His mother even admitted to being abusive to her disabled husband when he was alive, so it could even be a trait copied from his mother.

Obviously he did other things in between these incidents, in which it is all now very difficult to recall and buried deep, but I have logged all the evidence as the incidents occurred at the time, just to protect myself.

What did I learn from this:

  1. Never trust anyone implicitly.
  2. Do not believe you can change a person because you can’t.
  3. The first signs of any abuse find a way to end the relationship.
  4. Have an escape plan.
  5. Tell everyone, friends and family about this person.
  6. Isolate yourself from this person. Have an escape plan.
  7. Know the signs especially if the perpetrator shows no empathy.
  8. Do not make excuses for the narcissist, do not make excuses to yourself saying this was a one off incident or the person will change, because they won’t.
  9. Recognise all the traits.
  10. Empower yourself with confidence and start to love yourself again.

For me I have not really reflected on how I have felt as I buried it under tonnes of work and have always kept myself busy in order not to think and dwell on the past. The past is history and if anything it tought me a life lesson in which I can safetly say I will never be in the same situation again and can forewarn others through my own personal experience. I was stupid and naive to put up with all the BS and all the abuse I endured, I was in a viscious cycle everytime time something happened I would say to myself next time it will not happen but next time alway did. Eventually one day I said enough is enough and have not looked back since. Kicking my knee was what broke the camel’s back so to speak and I was lucky as it could have been a totally different story.

The traits to look out for are:

  1. Lack of Empathy. “The inability to identify with or recognise the experiences and feelings of other people. Everything is about them and belongs to them,”. When I asked the perpertrator to explain why he did the things that he did, he could not give me an answer, did not show guilt or remorse and was unapologetic.
  2. Manipulation. The ability to twist the situation to better suit their narrative is a poignant personality trait that all egotistical people possess. The perpertrator managed to always blame me for everything that he was not happy with. He would judge me all the time.
  3. Projection. Projection is a defence or an unconscious pattern that occurs when the person feels psychologically threatened, they will then accuse you of doing something to throw the linelight off themselves, a good example is the person who is cheating accuses his partner of cheating. He used to always accuse me of being unfaithful.
  4. Emotionally cold. I said earlier in a reponse to a comment that I was cold as ice, but what I failed to say I also have empathy, I do have feelings and I know when I am wrong. My life experience has made more thick skinned and if say someone critises me I just take that as their own opinion. Theres a saying “what does not kill you makes you stronger”. An emotionally cold or distant trait normally surfaces during arguments when one person is experiencing and expressing significant emotion and the narcissistic person just lets your emotions go over his/her head and does not respond, giving you a cold shoulder. This essentially makes you feel alone and unloved.
  5. Gaslighting. Doing things deliberately in order to question yourself, whilst taking the onus off themselves. Gaslighting term first arose from the 1930’s play Gas Light, where a husband, in an attempt to drive his wife crazy, kept turning down the gas-powered lights in the house. When the wife asked why he is dimming the lights, he denied it and said they were no dimmer. Over time the wife would start to question herself and eventually found herself going mad. “Gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse that involves denying a person’s experience and making statements, such as ‘that never happened’ or ‘you are too sensitive”,
  6. Never Taking Responsibility. Knowing when you are wrong and admitting to your wrong doings or flaws makes us the bigger person, however with narcissists it is the polar opposite. A narcissist is a master of his/her own illusion and will try to avoid the blame with lying, cheating etc. A narcissist will make up complex excuses and rationalise anything, just so that they are left to blame.
  7. Controlling. The definition of controlling partner means that in most common manifestations of their relationship the narcissist will monitor your whereabouts at all times, checking your emails and text messages, criticising your appearance, and making nearly all important decisions, with little regard for your opinion. In my case not matter have immaculately I dressed and kept my appearance I was always critised and called names. I had my phone taken off me (If I did not give him what he wanted I would get physically abused) and he would post and invite his ex girlfriends onto my Facebook. He would check to see who I was meeting and check my text messages.
  8. Grandiose. Grandiosity is a pattern in which a person tends to exaggerate accomplishments, talents, connections, and experiences. In the case of my abuser he told tails about his past life but I never really believed in anything he said. The narcissist usually do not have to be real experiences, grandiose people tend to maintain over-the-top fantasy worlds. Grandiosity can also be manifested by a sense of self-importance, a belief that their existence is bigger and more important than anyone else’s and certainly more important than yours.
  9. Panic. A narcisist will panic if you threaten to break up or leave them, ss soon as you back away, a narcissist will try that much harder to keep you in their lives. They will do everything and anything to shower you with affection, they will say all the right things to make you think they have changed so that you never leave them and the cycle continues round and round until oneday day you say enough is enough.
  10. Mentally & Physically Abusive. Aswell as playing mind games a narcissist may also become physically violent in order to have control over you. When this happens do not hang around and have an exit plan to get away. In my case I stopped my abuser visiting me and changed the locks, I also showed him all the evidence I have collated and what I will do with it should he ever try to come near me again. So far touch wood it has worked. If you live with your abuser you must make an exit plan where you can grab a bag and run. Make a list of people you can confide in, set up secret codes. Fill your bag with important documents passports, money etc. Just take the essentials so that you can escape to somewhere safe. Or wait for them to leave and change the locks and call the police. For me my abuser is out of my life and I have seen he has moved on as he is in a relationship with someone else, which means he no longer has any use for me.

A narcissist will only move on when they find someone else they can prey on.

That is why narcissists are not loyal and are more likely to play the field. A narcissist can never find love as they are never satisfied with what they have and will always be looking for something better.

What is Etiquette (Good Manners).

What is Etiquette (Good Manners).

Etiquette is an ethical code of good manners adapted from personal behaviour. It is a set of conventional rules in high society, that delineates the expected and accepted social behaviors that are observed by polite soicety as conventions and norms within a social class, or a social group.

Etiquette is a form of dencency it differentiates us as humans between people with good manners as opposed to bad.

Etiquette is taught by our parents. If the parent is bad mannered so will their children copy. If a parent uses vulgar language a small child not knowing the difference between right and wrong will follow suit.

Sigmund Freud once said “It is impossible to overlook the extent to which civilization is built upon a renunciation of instinct,”.

Etiquette is a set of rules that tell others how well mannered we are. Phoning or texting someone you hardly know at an hour when people are about to go to sleep is bad manners and is not the done thing to do. Not turning up when promised knowing something needs urgent attention is downright rude. Not letting the person know by txt, email or phone that is counting on you to turn up is a disgrace.

Here are 60 things we should know about being well mannered.

  1. When you enter a room, always say hello do not wait for someone to say hello to you first.
  2. When shaking hands keep direct eye contact with the person in front of you, grasp their hand firmly but not painfully, shake for one or two pumps (no more!), and shine a royal smile (Because of the coronavirus covid-19 regulations shaking hands is forbidden , although fist bumps were accepted ubtil we had to socially distance ourselves from other people).
  3. If you enter a room full of strangers wait untill you are invited to sit down. The same applies if you go to your boss’s office or an interview always wait to be told to sit down.
  4. If you are at a table with a small group of guests, always wait until everyone is seated and served and for the host to begin eating before you start.
  5. Keep all belongings off the table and turn your phone on silent.
  6. If you happen to need to go to the bathroom whilst you are still seated at a dinner table do not just get up and go, do excuse yourself first.
  7. The proper way to hold knives is on the right hand and forks on the left with the tines facing down. Instead of stabbing food, balance the food on back of the fork, then bring it to your mouth and eat small bites and never gulp your food down as if it was some sort of race, savour each mouthful. Enjoy your food.
  8. When finishing your meal put your knife and fork at the 16.20 hrs position. Do not leave your knife and fork open or crossed as this may mean you have not finished your course.
  9. Learn to use your cutlery by working from the outside inwards, accordignto the course being served.
  10. If you are not drinking alcohol put your two fingers over the glass to guard any liquid and politely say “no thank you”.
  11. If you’re eating and want to take a sip from a glass, dab your mouth with your napkin to avoid staining the rim of the glass. No one wants to see the residue imprint of the food you have consumed.
  12. When condiments are not within reach do ask politely to have someone pass them over never lean forward a grab it yourself. Grabbing a bowl of salad or a saltshaker as it’s being passed to someone who asked for it is the equivalent of cutting in line: greedy and rude. The same goes if you want another slice of bread or a roll, ask first never take.
  13. If there is only one slice of bread or one roll left ask if anyone else wants it before you help yourself. This applies to everything, including biscuits, chocolates or a slice of cake. Be the bigger person.
  14. The correct way to drink a cup of tea is to use the thumb and index finger to hold the top of the handle, while the middle finger supporting the bottom. Sip from the same spot so the entire rim doesn’t have lipstick stains. If you’re more of a coffee drinke loop your index finger through the handle. When in doubt, NO pinkies out.
  15. Napkins are not just for catching crumbs they are to wipe excess food off ones mouth. Wiping ones mouth and hands at the table is done on the inside of the fold of the napkin to protect the clothes from getting dirty.
  16. If you are a having a business lunch do not ask for a doggy bag if you cannot finish your meal. However on the other hand if you are out with friends and family it is ok to ask to take your food home especially if you have paid for it. It is more polite to ask for a doggy bag rather than wrap it up to go. People of High Society would often bring treats back for their pooches, however times have changed and it is the norm to ask for your food to be wrapped up without giving the game away that the food in reality is for you.
  17. This is more common sense than etiquette: If a guest at your party is drunk, ask him/her discreetly if they would like to lie down, if you can arrange for a taxi or drive them back yourself then even better, or you could offer for them to sleep it off in a spare room or couch never let them drive back drunk or walk home alone.
  18. If you have been invited to a party and it states on the invitation only you and no guest do not make things awkward and ask to bring someone with you. There must be a reason why you were only invited ( It could be a tight budget).
  19. When you are hosting a party and there are presents involved never ask for cash instead state “no gift wrapped presnts please” (yet there will be the odd one that will bring a toaster not wrapped).
  20. When you are invited as a guest to a dinner party or a birthday or any other social event never show up empty handed. Especially if the host is a woman (all women love flowers and all men love a bottles of amber nectre).
  21. Always thank people for their gifts, the more personal the more thought has gone into it, however if you are eco-firendly and do not want to buy thankyou cards you can send emails but never send them in bulk as it looks spammy and may not even land in the recipients inbox, this will be missed all together.
  22. Office etiquette if you are in the office and on speaker phone alert everyone in the room and on the other end that the phone is on louder speaker.
  23. Always close the door when you are making a phone call this make more sense for privacy and eliminates distracting background noises.
  24. Never user the speakerphone in a public area, you do not know who is listening. Don’t talk on mobile phones in a waiting room, checkout lines, restaurants, trains or public toilets. There is a reasonable time and place for this, consider your surroundings.
  25. When phoning someone always ask them “if it is a good time to talk”, never assume they will drip everything for you, arrangea suitable time to talk.
  26. I still believe in chivalry, however now either gender can open doors. I still believe it is well mannered for someone to open a door for you as is the same as you opening a door for them.
  27. If you are in an office environment (ie, Boss’s Office ) only speak when you are spoken to. Always wait for your boss to speak to you first.
  28. If you make plans at home or at work always confirm with the other party and set reminders.
  29. If you are running late, let the other person know (do not leave it to the last minute).
  30. If you say you will be turning up on a certain day give a timescale so that the other party can make adjustments to their day. Do not let leave them wondering what time you will be turning up. (people have lives to lead and are not there at your beckon call).
  31. If you have to cancel a meeting do let the other party know well in advance and not leave it to the very last minute or leave them in the lurch.
  32. When intoducing people for the first time you must address the host first for example “Mrs. CEO, I’d like you to meet the mail guy, Steven.”
  33. If you have to have your private mobile at work set it on airplane mode or silent. That way if you are needed in an emergency you still can be contacted. Never send privaye texts or emails whilst at work or browse the internet on social media platforms. There is a time and place for everything.
  34. When you see someone struggling carrying or lifting something, offer to help.
  35. If you see an older person on a bus offer them your seat.
  36. Always reply to emails of importance especially if someone is asking you something. If you are too buy set an autoresponder and message them when it s more convenient never blank them.
  37. If you have made eye contact with someone and are speaking to them face to face do not break contact to glance to your phone if somone has messaged you or look at your watch.
  38. Keep your personal phone seperate from meetings, work and social events. There is a time and place for gossip and chit chat, choose your options carefully. It is rude to be on a date whilst also looking at your phone, it’s either one or the other it cannot be both unless you are a couple.
  39. When emailing decide who it is you are writing to, if it is to do with work do not send emojis, gifs or colourful fonts or clipart. Be professional.
  40. Never use your private email to send messages relating to work always use an office email.
  41. Always have a signature in the email with your contact details and disclaimer.
  42. Never use capital letters in an email as this is deemed as shouting.
  43. Keep business mesaging text and email within office hours.
  44. If the business is abroad, work out their office hours by GEO Location.
  45. When answering the phone at work the best practice is to say the name of the company followed by your name, such “Good Morning or Good Afternoon Disabled Entrepreneur Renata speaking”.
  46. When leaving voice mails, keep it brief and to the point, state your name, place of business, and number. State why you are calling and then say goodbye.
  47. Whether it is a bus, train, elevator or escalator always allow for people to leave. If you are waiting to enter, queue in an orderly fashion and never push your way in.
  48. If you are walking on a path with someone always have them walk on the inner of the path to you.
  49. If you are walking alone watch out for buiding entrances and crowded areas and do not stop to phone or text in direct line to foot traffic.
  50. If you are in an area that says be quiet respect the rules and if you happen to use head phones make sure no one else can hear the music coming out of them.
  51. When you meet someone for the first time or of importance always take your sun glasses off if you are wearing them do not wear them continuously in front of them as its rude.
  52. If someone offers to buy you a drink offer to buy one back.
  53. If someone keeps buying you takeouts, the least you can do is offer to to chip in (no pun intended) or offer to pay next time. Never continue taking because eventually people will see through you.
  54. Social Media Platforms, you can follow and friend your co-workers but when it comes to busness connections with bosses and potential clients connect via LinkedIn unless you are doing SEO and you want to add their profiles to a SEO Link Wheel, where you happen to manage their pages and market their products and services.
  55. If you own a pet and you take it for walks always clean up their mess. Consider your surroundings and how children may play in the grass your pooch has just pooped in.
  56. Babies this is a sensitive subject and being a mother myself I looked how the Royal Family behave after having newborns in public. You will never see a Royal feed their child in public or change their nappies. So when I witnessed in a restaurant right opposite and in full view of my table a woman breast feeding I somehow was put off. I know breast feeding is the most natural thing in the the world but you won’t see the Royals do it in public, so why should you.? There is a time an place for everything and if your baby needs feeding there are breast pumps on the market for just this event of you having to feed your child out of your comfort zone. Nobody want to see swollen breasts with buldging nipples whilst eating an à la carte dinner, especially if they are entertaining business aassociates. You will never see A-Listers doing it so be respectful in your surorundings
  57. Years ago only blind dogs were allowed in restaurants, but I have noticed that dog owners are alloweed to bring their dogs into these establishements. However one has to think from another perspective some people are allergic to dogs or have ocd flare ups when dogs go near them never mind the smell of a wet dog whilst you are trying to have your meal or pint in peace is off putting to say the least.
  58. If you have dog on a leash keep it short when you are getting too close to people and never say “he/she won’t bite” not everyone is a dog lover so don’t be selfish.
  59. How you sit says all about you, The right way to sit is with a ladies legs crossed at the knee. Legs and knees must be kept together, although crossing at the ankle is fine. A popular pose is called “the duchess slant,” named for the Duchess of Cambridge, Kate Middleton. The position involves keeping keeping knees and ankles tightly together and slanting the legs to the side.
  60. When going for an interview or going to the office one has to look smart and professional, the same goes if you are going to a social gathering like a wedding one has to scrub up well and look a million dollars. People can access you by the clothes you wear. If you wear cheap clothes and do not care about your appearnce people will make their on assumptions about that your are not successful. You need to treat your body like a business and choose your outfits carefully. It used to be said that if a man wore trainers he was not worth much money but nowaday some trainers cost more than designer shoes. Technically speaking you should not judge a book by its cover (Steve Jobs wore a black polo and jeans all his time in Apple). Not everything is as it seems, on the other hand not everything that glitters is gold. When attending formal events the done thing is for women to wear hats although fascinators are also perfectly acceptable.

Final thoughts

Etiquette is not just about table manners it is about how we portray ourselves to others. If our persona is that we think highly of ourselves with no thought to the other person, we in turn will be judged by our actions. If we purposely blank people or do not turn up with not even a text or call to let the other person know, we are then portrayed to be prententious and rude.

Well manner people will have the courtesy to acknowledge another person that have either reached out to them or are waiting on them to act. They simply will not ignore the individual. This has happened to me a few times and certain people who obviously think they are better than me have acted like I do not matter.

It is rude and there is no sugar coating it.

To all the people that have acted like I do not matter well at least I have dignity. I take pride in value peoples feelings and opinions.

‘Don’t do unto others what you don’t want done unto you.’ Confuscious.

I suppose being brought up from a strict background with my father being a Soldier in WWII who fought in the battle of Monte Cassino and later with the British Army, I had it drummed into me from an early age about time keeping and doing things by the book.

I still practice good manners as it is in my nature and do not respect people that have little regard for other people’s feeling.

Do good and God will reward you.

Stay Safe and Happy Holidays.

How to React When Someone Blanks You.

How to Deal With Someone Who has Blanked You.

So how do you deal with people who blank you?

Being ignored hurts.

Deciding how to react can be difficult especially if you are not bosom pals.

  1. Try to evaluate the situation and consider the implications if you do confront the person and their reaction. They may be false and give you a half hearted apology. Try to think back to the last time you spoke to them (which in my case apart from the text was most probaby at the beginning of the year for my daughters birthday dinner). The situation was strained as I always think there is an ulterior motive to meeting up once a year when you do not bother with that person for the rest of the 364 days. Think of a time perhaps where they have been angry or hostile toward you? Did you say something to offend them? If so, they are probably still stewing over whatever it was set them off in the first place. On the other hand, if you had a great time with them last time, there’s probably a vey good reason they have blanked you. They could have been busy and not had the time to reply or simply forgotten. In my case and I have many people that contact with me on a daily basis I always find time for them and will not blank them as it does not say much about me if I did. Blanking is simply being rude.
  2. Ask another person that knows the two of you, why you’re being ignored. In some cases if you know the persons friends or realtives you could ask them. If the person ignoring you is a friend or coworker, ask a mutual friend or coworker who may know why you’re being ignored. Perhaps you have upset the person inadevtently and they have decided to just ignore you to avoid escalting any conflict. A third party might be able to assess the situation more objectively and help you figure out why you’re being ignored. In my case I could possibly ask me ex-sister in law from my other brothers marriage as this person does speak to her more often than I do. I personally think Madam has got too big for her boots.
  3. Confront the Bull by the Horns. Ask the person ignoring you directly why they are behaving this way. Confront the person ignoring you directly face to face and ask them what is upsetting them. If they are true they will give you an honest answer but if they are false they will be cowardly and say there is nothing wrong just to get you off the scent. Contront the person in a private and quiet place away from any distractions or send them an email or letter and calmly ask why they have chosen to ignore you. Express your feelings in a calm and courteous manner. Present evidence that they’ve been ignoring you, such as not returning your calls or emails, or not responding when you speak to them. Listen attentively to their explanation.

Final Thoughts.

Depending on the circumstances and situation it may be easier said than done and may prove to be awkward to tackle. If you are in a work place and you are being ignored during work time, confront the person or persons individually. Confronting them as a group may cause them to gang up on you. If that does not work then go to your superiors. If however it is during break times, again you can confront the person or persons one by one but tread with caution. You need to find the instigator and get to the bottom of why this is happening to you.

This is simple advice to be a better person, do no blank people, make time for people and consider peoples feelings.

Lack of Motivation.

Lack of Motivation.

Lack of Motivation.

I do not know about you but I have days sometimes where I feel so deflated. I was talking about this with my daughter who said some days she feels she does not want to get out of bed. Or she wants to go to the Bahamas on her own. Not all of us can go to the Bahamas at a drop of a hat and some of us have obligations and commitments, so although the idea sounds appealing I am staying put for the time being.

Today is one of those days, I feel I just want to waste my time watching Amazon Prime Videos all day.

I do not drink alcohol, only on social occasions and this year there is nothing social about it. My OCD will not permit me going to Pubs which are open in Wales. Its unfortunate that our neighbour England is on lockdown again, but it is what it is and has to be done.

This got me thinking as I am very active on LinkedIn and a top recruiting firm in the UK, the CEO announced he was feeling not so motivated. He also said he was living alone which got me thinking how many other people are in the same boat and are contemplating their navals.

Life is full of obstacles and we need to find ways to train our brains that what ever is happening to us is just temporary and we have the power to change the situation.

If you have recently lost your job and are struggling to find work, what you do is create a job and be your own boss.

If your good with writing look for copy writing or data entry jobs. They are self employed positions.

You must promote yourself and your brand, no one will know you exist unless you tell them.

If you have a craft and are creative put your creativity online.

How about setting up your own ecommerce store and start dropshipping. With the current situation we are in, most people shop online.

Start a blog and do affiliate marketing. You need to create your blog first though before being approved for these programs.

What ever is going on with your life start being creative and start writng things down including all the pros and cons.

Start a dream board and focus on your goals.

Meditate and manifest your dream into reality.

My lack of motivation would disappoint my readers because if I did not write a post or two I would be letting people down.

I have gone too far now to give up.

I manage my clients blogs as well as my own so I have plenty of work to keep me busy.

But some days I feel sad because everything I do is not happening fast enough my goals seem so distant, but I know if I persevere I will get there in the end.

Motivation is the process that makes us initiates an action, whether it is getting up to go to the kitchen to researching and gaining knowledge online.

Our time is precious and should not be wasted. By learning something new, we are gaining knowlege which is more valuable than money or gold.

Motivation is defined by biological, emotional, social, and cognitive factors that activate our behavior.

Types of Motivation

There are two different types of motivation which are frequently described as being either extrinsic or intrinsic:

Extrinsic motivations are those that arise from outside our control and may involve rewards such as trophies, money, social recognition, or praise.

Intrinsic motivations are motivations that are from someone doing something off their own back like playing a game or completing a crossword puzzle purely for the personal gratification of problem solving.

Persistance.

When you set goals unless you follow them through you will not successed. You need to stay focused and need to be persistant.

Impact

Simply having the desire to accomplish something is not always enough. In order to achieve such a goal requires uou to follow it thorugh and not give up, the ability to persist through obstacles and endurance to keep going in spite of difficulties.

There are three major factors to motivation: activation, persistence, and intensity.

Activation involves the decision to start a specific task.

Persistence is the persisting effort towards a goal even though there may be obstacles.

Intensity is the ability to stay focused and concentrate into pursuing a goal.

You need to remember when you set your goals daily that you reward yourself for completing the task. You could do this at the end of the day, week or month. If you do not know how to reward yourself pay yoursef some money or treat yourself to something. By paying yourself and putting it into a seperate bank account you will be suprised how much money you make if your are persistant.

My downfall ten years ago was I did not know how to train my brain and was reckless with money. I was spiralling out of control was not fouced about my life and was living in cloud cuckoo land. I had no goals and felt my life had ended. It is only in the last five years I have done a lot of soul searching and gained a lot of knowledge online and its if the starter gun had been triggered because there is no stopping me now other than my mental health issues. But if I keep myself busy I have less time to think and less time to feel sorry for myself.

As for my financial habits I have now found a way to budget my money for everything and do not spend more that I need to. There ar plenty of money budget tools online but I use a simple word table and make it colourful. You could also do an excel spreadsheet.

So by doing this blog I am not just helping my readers I am also helping myself.

Tips

Everyone experience fluctuations in their motivation and willpower.

Sometimes we may feel highly driven and other times we may feel listless or unsure of what they want or how to achieve it.

If you feel low and simply have no energy, there are steps you can take that will keep you moving forward.

Some things you can do include:

  1. Take baby steps, just so one thing as I have done today with this post.
  2. If you have a big project that is too overwhelming, break it up into smaller projects.
  3. Have plenty of exercise and sleep.
  4. Change your diet and eat healthy
  5. Find Mentors.
  6. Do some networking.
  7. Remind yourself about your achievements in the past and what where your strengths lie.
  8. If there is something worrying you write it down do some reseach how to combat it.
  9. Talk to a friend or family member or on a group or forum, anywhere where someone is willing to listen and give advice.
  10. Take a bit of time out to do something else, knowing you always have your goal to come back to.
  11. Do not procrastinate, you have to believe in yourself even sometimes when no one else does.
  12. Create a Dream Board of all the goals you want to acheive in the next 5 year to 10 years.
  13. Meditate and envisge your goals manifesting.
  14. Reward yourself.
  15. Pamper yourself or if your a guy groom yourself.

Final Thoughts.

Do little things to make you life better and eventually you will make your confidence grow. Sometimes we have to start with ourselves and do a bit of soul searching and learn to love ourselves before we can find the power to prosper.

A seedling needs to be cared for on a daily basis before it gows into an oak tree!

Imposter Syndrome

Have you ever doubted yourself and felt you are not good enough?

Have you ever had some one call you a fake or looked at you like your unreal?

Sometimes we have an element of self doubt and may actually believe we are not good enough because of other people perceptions of us.

Have you ever felt like you don’t belong or had someone point the finger?

Our world is surrounded by people pleasing. If people believe in you it gives you a feeling of euphoria and gives you encouragement.

However there will always be people for what ever their reasons may troll you, say negaitive things about you or simply make you feel less confident about yourself.

https://www.linkedin.com/posts/robmoore1979_instead-of-hating-the-critics-the-trolls-activity-6726845120483729409-zb5B

It could be you are a student and the popular kids gang up on you as you feel you cannot fit in, its their perception not yours or it could be people at work may say sarcastic comments or derogatory remarks in which you then start to doubt yourself.

We all try to do our best but if our best is not always good enough we may get judged.

People are very competitive and want to be like the Jones’s. So if you look like you do not fit in people tend to judge. It s the judging that can make you question your abilities. Just because your neighbour has a nice house lovely garden and top of the range car, they could be in deed very deep in debt and faking it and have no money in the bank, yet you who on the other hand may have less materialistic things to show but may have gold bullion or hundreds of thousands stock market shares.

Peoples ability to analyse a person on their looks or what they own could be so further from the truth and people should not judge a book by its cover. Just because your neighbour goes to work all dressed up in their flashy suit whilst you go to work in a jeans and t-shirt does not make you a lesser of a person. It’s the achievements you have succeeded in that will tell you apart.

Do not listen to what other people say. If you are a success no one can take that away from you.

Imposter syndrome depends on the strength of your mind, if enough people call you a fake or a fraud you start believing it, yet you have the ability to overturn those intrusive thoughts.

The same goes in abusive relationships when the narcissist tries to brain wash you into thinking you are not good enough and that you will not amount to much. The feeling you are loosing control of your own beliefs because of someone elses opinion can actually make you feel very insecure.

The feeling you experience is known as imposter syndrome. Psychologists often call it impostor phenomenon. It is estimated that 70% of people experience these feelings of lack of confidence at some point in their lives. According to a review article published in the International Journal of Behavioral Science, imposter syndrome affects all people from all walks of life.

The thought you are a failure and not good enough manifests in our minds and makes us feel like we are a fraud especially if you hear it from people that try to discredit us.

What is impostor syndrome?

If someone tries to discredit you, you start to have self doubt and only believe you will succeed because of luck, rather than talent or knowledge, experience or qualifications, this can be problematic. If you believe that you are unlucky your chances of succeeding are decreased because of your own beliefs.

We need to re-wire our brains that we are good enough and that someone elses opinion is their opinion and not yours or the rest of the worlds. People are far too often very judgemental and speak their minds which could cause the victim to feel less confindent about themeselves.

I was once was called a fraud by someone who tried discrediting me in court because I was called in as a ‘expert witness’ and he had a lot to loose due to a divorce hearing. I started to feel insecure (not because I did not know what I was talking about or the knowledge I had of my profession) but the fear of what people would think of me, based on the defendants outbursts. I remember I had stage fright and my cerebellar atrophy blocked out certain words which on the spot I could not answer (that did not mean that I did not know them). I am an author on the subject and manage several blogs and my report was prepared meticulously yet the defendant tried to discredit me and to make himself look better. If anything he was the fake and fraudster for claiming he was an expert registering crap domain names that had no SEO value, but I digress. He then contradicted himself and asked me to help him sell them, so if I was so useless and unprofessional at my job why would he have even bothered asking me?, as you can imagine I refused his offer and as soon as I got home blocked him from every social media platform. This was my way of regaining control of the situation. Enough said let sleeping dogs lie.

Impostor syndrome was first identified in 1978 by psychologists Pauline Rose Clance and Suzanne Imes. In their finding and their paper they wrote, their theory was that only women were uniquely affected by impostor syndrome.

https://paulineroseclance.com/impostor_phenomenon.html

However since then and with more research, studies have found that both men and women experience impostor feelings, and Clance published a later paper acknowledging that impostor syndrome is not limited to women. (She also created an impostor syndrome test.) Today, impostor syndrome can apply to anyone “who isn’t able to internalize and own their successes,” says psychologist Audrey Ervin.

Impostor syndrome expert Valerie Young, who is the author of a book on the subject, The Secret Thoughts of Successful Women, has also found patterns in people who experience impostor feelings:

“Perfectionists” set extremely high standards for themselves and others, and even if they meet 99% of their goals, they’re going to feel like failures. Any small mistake will make them question their own competence.


“Experts” feel the need to know to devour every piece of information on a subject before they start a project and constantly look for new certifications or trainings to improve their skills. They won’t apply for a job if they don’t meet all the criteria in the posting, and they might be hesitant to ask a question in class or speak up in a meeting at work because they’re afraid of looking stupid if they don’t already know the answer.


“Independant people also known as Soloists” feel they have to accomplish tasks on their own, and are reluctant to ask for help. Asking for help gives the perception that you are in someway weak, that you cannot figure it out on your own. This then may make people think they are a fake or fraud which in turn makes them think less of you.

People such as narcissists need to feel the need to success in all aspects of life regardless if it is at work, or as parents, or partners. The feeling they need to be in constant full control can cause them to feel anxiety if their goals are not met which could lead them to being abusive and belittling just to regain some power.

Learning abilities and Auto Immune Disorders.

People who have learning disabilites or auto immune disorders may have hidden talents and people cannot be characterised as fake or frauds if there are underlining issues. The person in question may actually be capable of completing assignments but in their unique ways. We cannot judge some one by their disabilities. A prime example would be Stephen William Hawking CH CBE FRS FRSA who was an English theoretical physicist, cosmologist, and author who was director of research at the Centre for Theoretical Cosmology at the University of Cambridge at the time of his death, yet he suffered with Amyotrophic lateral sclerosis or ALS is one of several types of motor neurone diseases. This did not make him into a lesser person and he persevered against all odds and was a world renowned genius, whom is recognised in his field for his accomplishments all over the world.

People who tend to struggle to recite things or work hard to accomplish things tend to makes themselves feel they aren’t ever good enough that they are failures. Their brain tells them that’s proof they’re an impostor. This is psychological and has nothing to do with other peoples perceptions of you.

Have you heard the expression “fake it till you make it”?, that is such bad advise as you should never portray to be someone you are not. If for example you are a web designers but cannot code if your life dependend on it do not go saying you are one. The same goes for any industry you cannot fake your way to becoming a doctor or dentist you need qualifications for that. Never fake it till you make it, as people will soon see the cracks when you fail to do your job properly. You also stand to give your industry a bad name if you pretend to be a professional but in reality you are a cowboy. Not only will you be seen in bad light and bad reviews spread like wildfire you could also potentially cause someone to loose money because of your incompetence. “Never fake it till you make it”.

Why do people experience impostor syndrome?

People experience imposter syndrome because of uncertainties and insecurities in their lives, although there is no single definative answer. Some experts believe it has to do with personality traits—like anxiety or neuroticism—while others focus on family or behavioral causes. Sometimes childhood memories can cause a person to suffer with imposter syndrome because of experiencing low grades in school and being judged or scolded by parents and peers. Favouritism also can play a crucial role where the parents favour a more brighter sibling over them, which could inevitably impact the childs behavourial patterns later on in life. The thought of being praised and appreciated and the longing of success is a viscious circle because if people are contastantly critisied eventually they start doubting themselves and start believing they are not good enough and therefore they believe they are fakes or frauds.

Re-Wiring Our Minds.

We should believe in ourselves and not be bothered what others think of us. We should stop worrying and procrastinating. Who cares about some other person’s opinion of you. You owe nothing to them. If someone judges you it is because they want to make them feel better about themselves. We know what we have achieved and what we can accomplish and just because others do not agree with you, thats their problem not yours. A person is not defined by someone elses opinion, a person is defind at what they have achieved.

” A seed grows with no sound but a tree falls with huge noise. destruction has noise, but creation is quiet. The power of silence. Grow Silently. Confucious.

Do not let anyone stand in your way. Embrace constructive critisism and learn from critique. No one can take away your knowledge. Other people’s personal opinions of you do not matter when they try to break you down. Build an invisibible wall and let the noise deafen their ears and not yours.


Knowing Your Boundaries

Former Secret Service Agent Reveals How to Adopt a Commanding Presence | Evy Poumpouras

KNOWING YOUR BOUNDARIES

Knowing your boundaries and the lines that people can cross will help you understand about trust.

Trust is conditional or unconditional.

Conditional Trust: is where you enter an agreement with the car sales person or a business partner. These types of agreements have an element of risk and can be broken.

Unconditional Trust: is where by you have a life partner or family member and find that if this trust gets broken it could potentially crush you.

I have linked an excellent video about learning about setting boundaries and learning to trust people.

I would also recommend reading Evy Poumpouras book:

Becoming Bulletproof: Protect Yourself, Read People, Influence Situations, and Live Fearlessly Hardcover – Illustrated.

by: Evy Poumpouras Author- Ex Secret Service Agent.

Disabled Entrepreneur

Being a self employed disabled entrepreneur comes with many challenges. One first needs to walk before you can run so starting up as a sole trader and expanding is the most sensible strategy to take. When expanding a business it can be a huge psychological boost to be able to share some of the pressures and the risks with someone else.

Masterting the art of coping under pressure is very important and is a required attribute for any entrepreneur, but for someone who are disabled and have impairment issues that are continuous, or indeed sporadic and unpredictable can effect their health long term. Not being able to manage those pressures and can effect your business and can cause challenges in relation to workflow, planning and client relationships.

Being disabled can affect your emotions and psychological feelings of confidence and motivation.

Finding strategies to overcome obstacles specific to each individual disabled entrepreneur is vital to sustaining your business. Some disabilities are invisible to most people but requires heavy medication and constant management, this can make a person lethargic and react slowly.

When starting out as a sole trader and finding you have too much work to cope with single handily you have to put your health first and off set the work load either by outsourcing or employing people that can help you. Trying to do everything yourself will eventually effect your health even more. Rather than turn away business, decided to expand instead.

Whilst being in demand is flattering, clients who want you one on one as an individual working on their project can pose problems for a disabled entrepreneur. You have to have a critical time path (ctp) and plan your hours carefully. Be transparent from the start and make your clients aware of your disabilities. CEO’s are human after all and they all started out from somewhere once so they should be able to compromise meetings face to face. With working from home being the norm because of ‘Coronvirus Lockdowns’ having virtual meetings via ‘Zoom’ is becoming very popular now a days.

Depending on your circumstances and what type of job you do will depend if you need a public office/shop or not. Most businesses are now transitioning online saving them money in renting office space and business rates.

Some disabilities are unpredictable, one day you may be feeling fine and the next day you are not. Knowing how to work under pressure and to deadlines can be challenging but if for what ever reason you were not feeling up to it one day you can always re-schedule. CEO’s are not Ogre’s, they do understand. Furthermore if you have someone that can help you out and step in can also be beneficial to running a successful business. There are positives as well as negatives to being a self employed disabled entrepreneur.

Having a disability is hugely varied, and so are entrepreneurs’ ambitions. Some might simply want to work for themselves as a one-man-band’s offering a service that makes use of their particular skill, and managing their work hours to accommodate their impairment.

Even with modest goals, the challenges facing a person with a learning disability who wants to set up in business can feel insurmountable without support, there are “too many” barriers that are “distressing and challenging to get the right support needed.”

Getting financial help can be difficult especially if you are a startup and want to get a loan to buy equipment. Most loan companies including banks need to see a business plan and will also need you to show your previous earnings. Some disabled people may have very low or no previous earned income and simply want to be off the unemployed scale. In these cases there are Tax Credits you can claim aswell as Housing Benefit and Council Tax Reductions (Visit your Local Council Website For Help). By setting up a budget for your expenditure you can relatively easily get overdrafts and pay for things using credit cards. Do avoid loan sharks. Also look at grants on the Government website to see if your eligible for a financial scheme.

It is fundemental you have access to a computer and internet to get the relevant help you need in running a business. In order to succeed, having the right information and support, at the right time, is critical for any disabled entrepreneur.

Transportation – Having transport if you have to deliver goods or meet clients is essential. There are private hire cars and logistic companies available including concierge services. There a re plenty of options available that can meet your budget.

By learining how to be confident and brushing up with your communication skills will give your clients and customers a reason to trust you and the product or service you are selling.

If you’re a disabled person running a business, you probably need that extra bit of empowerment and motivation. There is nothing stopping you following your dreams and your dreams will stay dreams unless you find the strength to make your dreams into reality.

SUPPORT LINKS.

***Business Funding:

https://businesswales.gov.wales/coronavirus-advice/support/financial-support-and-grants

***Workplace guidance. Return to work safely. Guidance for employers in Wales.

https://businesswales.gov.wales/coronavirus-advice/workplace-guidance?utm_source=LinkedIn&utm_medium=CPC&utm_campaign=KeepWalesSafeAtWorkGS-LinkedIn-Ad1-English-Square

***Check if you can claim for your employees’ wages through the Coronavirus Job Retention Scheme.

https://www.gov.uk/guidance/claim-for-wage-costs-through-the-coronavirus-job-retention-scheme

***Calculate how much you can claim using the Coronavirus Job Retention Scheme.

https://www.gov.uk/guidance/calculate-how-much-you-can-claim-using-the-coronavirus-job-retention-scheme

Tax Credits.

https://www.gov.uk/browse/benefits/tax-credits

Personal Independance Payments.

https://www.gov.uk/pip