Category: Social Disconnection

Coping With Life When You Are Disabled.

Copying With life When You Are Disabled.

I have this methology “if life gives you lemons, make lemonade”. I am not the type of person to whinge and moan, I just make the most of what I have and try to get on with it.

I always keep myself busy and set goals. However my physical and mental disabilities are obstacles that daily I have to get round.

My OCD is by far one of my prominent disabilities and have designed a quarantined cocoon area where only I have access to. This area allows me to be free of any anxieties that I would have in the normal environment. I have adopted this practice to save cleaning my whole home from top to bottom day in and day out. Believe me I used to clean from top to bottom every single day until I realised I was wasting valuable time doing something else.

Keeping myself busy does help to block out intrusive thoughts to a certain degree. I am the worlds worse for critising myself. I try to brain train to reason with myself that what I do is ridiculous and out of character to normal people, but it all is related to stress, anxiety and depression. Depending how stress I am under will depend how well my day will be. If I am super stressed, I find that I cannot concentrate and even do minuscule tasks.

My OCD is germ contamination related and I am even more conscious of my surrounding and the things that I touch. I dislike people visting me and visa versa. I prefer not to go out, hence I am not going out any time soon pandemic regulations or not.

I actually wrote an article on my other blog about germ awareness and cross contamination: https://marketingagency.cymrumarketing.com/2021/02/16/saliva-and-mail-cross-contamination-of-germs/

As for my other disabilities:

  • Cerebellar Atrophy (I lose my balance or grip and muddle my words up especially when I write, I also have mental blocks).
  • OCD (I am aware of germ cross contimination and and am careful what I touch).
  • Social Disconnection (I prefer my own company and not go out and socialise, although we can’t anyway but you get my drift).
  • PTSD (I have flashbacks of the physical and mental trauma I endured in the past and certain things trigger my depression).
  • Clinical Depression (This is related to past physical and mental trauma I endured, in which there are days where I go to a dark place).
  • Rheumatoid Arthritis (I cannot bend my knee, again from past physical trauma/abuse).
  • Dysphagia (I sometimes choke of food, I get a painful feeling followed by trouble swallowing and breathing and only when the food is dislodged does the feeling subside, gross I know but what can I do? I have been told I could have surgery but there is no gauarantee that it would work. I am not going to go under the knife for anything, I can tell you that for sure).
  • Epidural Analgesia (Chronic Back Pain, even bending down to feed the cat makes my back spasm, the same goes if I am standing for excessive length of time I have shooting pains from the small of my back to the nape of my neck. Simple taskes like taking out the rubbish or bringing in the grocery shopping has brought tears to my eyes in the past).

So yes I have good days and bad days but I do not dwell on my ailments and try to live the best way I can. I adapt to around my disabilities. Fortuantely for me I offer digital services so I can do 100% of my work online and do not have to venture out.

Stress and worry are contributing factors to my OCD, PTSD, Depression and Social Disconnection.

  • Getting headaches (I have regular headaches)
  • Having stomach cramps (I have a bad stomach most days, but that can be from drinking energy drinks to keep me awake).
  • Not being able to sleep (I find my medication helps me sleep but it takes a few hours for me to wind down, hence I watch a film or play a game, I also read books from time to time).
  • Feeling pains in your chest (I do not get them often but when I do it is scary as I have also experienced jaw ache and shooting pain down my left arm in the past). I have had an ecg scan done and the doctor said there was nothing wrong, yet the same doctor also prescribed antacid ‘Gaviscon’ to my daughter even though she was later diagnosed with MS after I admitted her into A&E.
  • Having constant worring (If I do not keep myself busy I do worry hence I try to keep my mind occupied all the time). Worrying only makes your health deteriorate and although life struggles can get in the way of your happiness, one needs to find a way to tackle the problem we are faced with, rather than sweep them under the carpet. Confronting your inner demons makes you stronger. Sometimes simply writing down your problems is the first step to dealing with whatever is on your mind. Talking to a friend or family member also helps but for me expessing my emotions in the form of a blog is theraputic in itself.
  • Having panic attacks (I only get these if I have to meet negative people). People that judge or critise, you know the people I am talking about or if I have a deadline in work or something that I have seen or heard that has triggered the onset of sheer panic. However for most part I am organised and know to how to avoid trigger warnings, so panic attacks are subdued.
  • Feeling shortness of breath, (I only get this if I cannot swallow due to my Dysphagia or at times when I have in the past been in distress, due to the trauma and abuse I endured).
  • Having mood swings with friends or family (I avoid socialising so no one knows my moods and no one can be on the tail end if I do have a bad day).
  • Finding it hard to feel happy (Continuously reassuring myself and staying positive that what I am doing will eventually change my life for the better, is enough to motivate me to get up and tackle every day tasks).

Although I was going to do a daily/weekly journal of my health, I am not able to do so at present as I have many projects I am working on and simply do not have the time, but I always try to strive to stay focused and optimistic that tomorrow will be a better day.

Obviously adopting a healthy lifestyle can help with coping with life struggles, such as:

  • Regular Exercise
  • Breathing Exercise
  • Meditation
  • Eating Healthily
  • Brain Training
  • Learning New Things
  • Staying Focused
  • Being Organised
  • Setting Goals
  • Time Management
  • Avoiding Negative People
  • Learning to Trust People
  • Motivation
  • Talking to Family and Friends About Your Troubles
  • Discussing your Problems with Professionals, Health, Finance, Relationships etc

Final Thoughts!

I am a disabled entrepreneur and I have created a business round my disabilities. The way I saw it when I first started out, I would not fit in or be accepted in a normal working enviroment and I am the most happiest I have ever been for a long time doing what I do and it works for me. So the way I see it is my disabilities are a blessing in disguise, as I would not be where I am today without them.

I avoid negative judgemental people especially if they have power trips (Trolls especially that have nothing better to do than try an bring a person down, these get immediately blocked).

As for me I will help anyone that genuinely needs my help. I am very good at analysing people and situations and I am very astute.

Stay safe, stay focused and stay motivated, nothing stays the same forever unless you let it…

Indimidation & Mental Health Issues.

INTIMIDATION.

Intimidation is intentional behavior performed by someone in which it causes another person (the victim) fear either by physical or psychological injury or harm.

A perpetrator knows what they are doing and will want to gain control of a situation by making their victim feel insecure.

Intimidation can cause psychological damage which will make the victim question themselves, which may lead to depression or suicide.

Intimidation in the workplace can make your office environment to be a toxic place to work in.

When your boss or coworker is subjecting you to intimidation in the workplace your mental health will be affected and you may even find you have no choice but to quit your job if the constant bullying becomes unbearable.

What does Intimidation in the Workplace Look Like?

Workplace intimidation, which is also called workplace bullying, happens when someone superior to you or a coworker uses psychological threats, blackmail or verbal abuse to manipulate an employee to do things in order to feel superior over that person (the victim).

Intimidation may become apparant from the start by the superior showing they are above you. It does not have to be gradual as you may be told by your co-workers that the boss is on the prowl and that you have to jump through hoops to please him or her.

In some cases it may be made apparant over time, where the perpetrator accesses the victims weakness and plays on their insecurities. This does not have to be in the workplace it could be a friend, neighbour, partner or landlord. Basically anyone that has control over you in some way and feels they are superior to you can potentially intimidate you if you let them.

Intimidation can be:

  • Physical violence or threats
  • Raising Voices
  • Ignoring you and your requests
  • Being Hostile physical posturing
  • Humiliating, ridiculing or insulting you in front of coworkers or customers
  • Intentionally dicing you work outside your expertise
  • Purposely finding faults with your work or assigning errors to you that are not your responsibility
  • Copying your ideas and taking credit for your work
  • Sabotaging your work or setting you up to fail
  • Raising the bar for success or setting up different standards for the targeted employee
  • Interfering with your ability to work
  • Highlighting the fact that your are dispensable, that you could loose your job if your work is not up to scratch
  • Showing superiority so that you feel insecure and putting the victim in their place, reminding the victim why they are where they are and how things could eaily change, playing on the victims insecurities.
  • Intimidation that can cause your mental health to change, such as spreading lies.
  • Making the employee feel unwelcome or singled out in social events.

Illegal Workplace Discrimination.

When there is intimidation in workplace it can easily cross the line into illegal workplace discrimination.

This applies to conduct based on:

  • Race
  • Color
  • National origin
  • Sex or gender
  • Pregnancy
  • Religion
  • Disability
  • Age

If an employer makes employment decisions that hinders your job role and assignments or allows its employees to create a hostile work environment, you may be able to make a discrimiantion claim against the employer. If your employer doesn’t live up to its promises or comply with its anti-harassment policies, you may be able to sue based on a breach of contract claim.

Regarless if intimidation is made in the workplace or in another environment such as a landlord intimidating a tenant for example you do have rights and you can find the relevant help in order that you are no longer intimidated and can live a life without feeling insecure. Nobody should live in fear.

**If you have problems at home with your landlord you should contact your local council office.

Your council should have a tenancy relations officer or a housing team who can help.

The council could:

Form N16A: Application for injunction (General form)

Use this general injunction form to ask the court to order a person, company or organisation to do something or not to do something.

n16a-eng

Why People Do Not Care.

Why do people not care?

There are various reasons why someone does not care.

  1. The person has had parents that have not showed any love or affection
  2. This applies to men, where their social upbringing tells them that crying makes them weak and to man up if they are hurting and not to be a big girls blouse. Hence men may not show emotion.
  3. A person may have built a defence mechanism to shield themselves from harm.
  4. A person maybe brainwashed by political or religious groups.
  5. The person has been abused, physically, mentally or both (domestic violence).
  6. The person was raped.
  7. The person was traumatised by grief of losing a loved one.

People only care if they are directly affected by something or someone. This could be their beliefs in which they would be advocates or for people that they know such as family, friends and sometimes even co-workers. It the social connection people have with one another that allows them to show emotion to another person.

The only other times people will care is they are on the job and must, i.e. Doctors & Nurses, Firefighters, Care-workers (who are doing good for society as a whole rather than getting personal) or if a person randomly witnesses someone that needs their help like for example if someone was injured or dying. Volunteering is an act of kindness but does not mean necessarily you care about an individual but more so about a cause.

However if you are doing good does not always mean you care it is how you want to be perceived by others. Doing good for soiciety can only be praised and its out acts of kindness without getting personal that helps us be a better person and make a difference in the world. By helping with a cause, one could be passionate about something and may want to make a mark in society that they have tried to do good, call it a legacy if you will. Our emotitions should not be confused with our acts of kindness (we do not have to care to be kind, it could be our moral duty to be kind). Kindness is an act of compassion which relates to wisdom, confidence, and courage. Kindness is a strength we have to help others. Being compassionate is an attitude we have to dealing with a problem.

People that show no emotion at all or are controlling are called narcissists. However not everyone is without empathy.

Most people care about their family and friends but will not extend to strangers. That is why there are so many homeless people because if society cared they would try to help or take them in. Not all homeless people are junkies and even if they were, there are rehab centres and shelters they can go to if people took a moment to help them out of their busy life rather than walk on by.

How many of us have thrown a penny or two at a homeless person or thought “get a job”? (Before you say anything this has never crossed my mind but I bet you bottom dollar it has to so many people). How many of us have stopped to ask if that person is ok or bought them hot food or a drink ( I know I have) or even given them something warm to wear.

Small acts of kindness will go a long way.

“I for one will show empathy to someone less fortunate than myself rather than an abled bodied person. The reason for this is I have built a barrier round myself and an extremely careful who I am associated with. I have trusted so many people in th past that have betrayed me and caused me harm. I am now extremely cautious who I let in. I find keeping myself to myself is the best form of practice”. I will sooner help a vulnerable person because they need my help not because I care but because it is my moral duty as a human being to help someone less fortuante than myself.

It does not say much about a person that walks on by and does nothing.

Mother Theresa once said “If I look at the mass I will never act. If I look at the one, I will.” These are the words of a woman whose acts of charity and kindness earned her sainthood.

For some people a single death can seem like a tragedy, however we cannot connect to amass loss of life unless we are somehow associated with that loss. Most often than not, the deaths of many simply becomes a statistic, something that happened to someone else, elsewhere.

For me I have be stricken by grief 3 times, never mind all other bad things that have happened to me, which I will be writing in my book”.

Seeing millions of lives lost through natural disasters, wars or to famine is just news that happened somewhere else and did not affect us directly hence we cannot associate ourselves with it.

We can become numb to the news that we hear, and our compassion can be consumed by our day to day living.

Paul Slovic, a psychologist at the University of Oregon who has studied psychic numbing for decades said “One is that it doesn’t deal with numbers in magnitude very well. If we’re talking about lives, one life is tremendously important and valuable and we’ll do anything to protect that life, save that life, rescue that person. But as the numbers increase, our feelings don’t commensurately increase as well.”

Paul Slovic’s research suggests that as statistical numbers associated with a tragedy get larger and larger, we become desensitised show less empathy. Therefore, this can make is less likely to act. Global disasters make people disassociate themselves from the atrocities and they start to become complacent that because it did not affect them there is little they can do and simply carry on with their lives like as if it never happened, even going on to say that they “feel bad” about what has happened but what can they do. Feeling bad which is showing sympathy is different to showing empathy.

Empathy is the ability to understand other people’s feelings just as we have experienced ourselves. Sympathy on the other hand is the ability to take part in someone else’s feelings, mostly by feeling sorrowful about their misfortune, in which we can dissociate.

The same goes with the Coronavirus Covid-19 Pandemic, because we have not been affected by it directly only indirectly some people will have a blasé attitude and may not take it as seriously as it is meant to be. This leads to a kind of apathy that is makes people complacent about hand washing or wearing masks.

People who say they care in one breathe but do nothing to help a person in need in another breathe are false. The ones that say “I would if I could, but I can’t” are simply making excuses, because everyone can help if they tried.

If say someone has financial problems and the other person cannot help them out as they too have financial problems of their own, one still can help the person out by problem solving and researching the best options available.

I wonder next time you ask someone to help you how many will come forward….

Further reading: https://www.bbc.com/future/article/20200630-what-makes-people-stop-caring

Clinical Depression.

What is depression.

Depression is a feeling we have which sets our emotions and our moods to be become very low. This feeling can that last for weeks or many months.

Depression is not about feeling sad for a few days it is about the prolonged feeling we cannot shake. Depression is not about being weak. It is a real illness. Depression is feeling persistently sad for weeks or months, rather than just a few days.

Symptoms of depression include the feeling of unhappiness or feeling hopelessness. Our emotions at low levels cause us to have low self-esteem, loose confidence and general interest in every day life. At this level we no longer care about ourselves and what is going on around us. We no longer can focus properly and need to be steered in the right direction.

What is clinical depression.

Clinical depression is the more-severe form of depression, also known as major depression or major depressive disorder. It isn’t the same as depression caused by a loss of a loved one or a medical condition. It is a deep state of a very low self esteem, where you may have thoughts of suicide. This type of depression makes a person feel there is no way out and they simply want to stop themselves from feeling so miserable.

Clinical Depression is a like being in a very deep dark tunnel with no light at the end of it.

What would have made us happy once is no longer enjoyable. Clinical Depression can cause people to go into isolation away from other people. Facing people can be difficult and the avoidance of admitting there is something wrong is lessoned if a person with depression goes into solitary confinement.

People with depression are less likey to answer their phone or socialise. However this can lead to loneliness which can turn into a viscious circle which sometimes a person cannot get out of.

Some people with depression turn to drinking alcohol excessively or using recreational drugs. Some become dependant on prescription drugs that they may abuse.

Depression can be set off by stressful or traumatic events at home or at work or even at School, College or University. Stress could be caused by being put under pressure and the fear of failing or loosing or having lost something or someone.

Self employed people who have jobs that require fast results may under pressure have an overwhelming feeling of fear, sadness and hopelessness. Entrepreneurs have to work even harder to put food on the table unlike a job with a regular wage. An entrepreneur may have the added pressure of paying for all his business overheads, staffs wages and getting more business in before paying him/herself. Some people simply cannot cope and crack under the strain.

Depression could also be caused by the emotion of feeling sad from problems in your personal life with a partner or it could be because of your personality or family history, it could even be from giving birth (Post Natal Depression). Depression could be simply accepted into society or having to be under tremedous amount of strain to pass a test or find your next job. It could be that you have been made redundant and feel your life is crumbling right in front of you. The pressure of paying your bills and your mortgage can sometimes drive a person to breaking point.

There are many reasons why people become depressed it could be financial problems and the fear of your life spiralling out of control. The feeling that perhaps you have no one to turn to.

I have listed useful links below including Samaritans.

Whatever the cause believe it or not, there is a light at the end of the tunnel and there is always someone you can talk to.

It’s amazing how many people are suffering with depression but simply do not know where to turn to or that there are others experiencing exactly the same emotions as you.

Talking to someone always helps and there are may support groups around to help you. Samaritans will talk to you confidentially any time of the day or night 7 days a week. They won’t ask you personal questions or even your name. You can even block your telephone number if it makes you feel better. They will give you ideas and options of how you can get out of the dark spell your under. Remember there is a prblem to every solution, you just need to know where to look.

Nothing can be so bad that cannot be fixed.

Useful Links:

What is Anxiety

What is Stress

What is Depression

Suicide Healthline

SAMARITANS.org

MIND.org.uk

YoungMinds.org.uk

Further reading:

https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/clinical-depression/#overview

https://www.nhs.uk/oneyou/every-mind-matters/coronavirus-covid-19-staying-at-home-tips/

https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/coronavirus/coronavirus-and-your-wellbeing/

OCD – Tongue in Cheek Humour

In light of what is happening right now with Coronavirus Covid-19 Pandemic, we have to look on the bright side of things whilst also being serious about what we are going through globally as well appreciating that some people with mental health and OCD may be terrified of venturing out.

I suffer with OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder – Contamination of Germs) I have suffered with this for about 35 years now and have coped to a certain degree, but always found that if I was in a public place where I was not comfortable being in, especially if I had to sit down or touch elevator buttons or door handles I always made sure I was equipped with tissue paper and a small spray bottle of disinfectant.

So even though I have this disability I am still approachable and am not a ‘freak’ or a ‘ car crash’ as I have been called in the past. People can be very cruel.

I am normal to certain extent I still do everything other people do but with limitations, the only difference is when I feel insecure my barriers come up and I try to protect myself from harm by social distancing myself from the outside world.

People deal with stress and anxiety differently, some smoke cigarettes, drink alcohol or take drugs recreational or prescribed.

I must admit I am on medication but all it does is mellow me out and I usually take it on a night time before I go to sleep to stop me feeling zombified during the day. I have trouble sleeping, so if anything it does its job. If anyone is wondering I am on ‘Mirtazapine’ 30 mg tablets.

So even though as an OCD sufferer the following video made me laugh and I would not go to these lengths, there is an element of seriousness involved as some people may take it to the extreme. Always try to understand a person if they are doing something that you may not necessarily do, they have their reasons for doing things like cleaning the seat before sitting down. Worst case scenario for me if I was not able to disinfect the seating would be to wash my clothes as soon as I got in.

Obviously this video is a joke as someone with OCD would not allow for anything to touch the floor (the spray bottle and back pack touched the floor).

Since Lockdown back in March I have not ventured out other than to meet and greet Amazon drivers, the postman or grocery delivery drivers.

I find staying away gives me some sense of security and I prefer it that way until I am confident to venture into the big bad world again.

I even bought myself a set of my own cutlery which is stainless steel and also good for camping and kids lunch boxes.

Mine came with two cases a soft a case and a hard case.

For all intents and purposes I have recommended a similar one to the one I bought which I think may have sold out.

Do use the radio buttons to scroll from low prices to high and don’t forget to use Amazon Prime if you are subscribed, which I am.

The things I will never leave home without is hand sanitiser, travel spray bottle of decanted Dettol. A quick burst of this on surfaces kills germs instantaneously. Because Dettol has been hard to source I usually buy it bulk on Amazon along with disposable gloves. I prefer the Nitrile or Vinyl gloves rather than the latex versions which are like party balloons and rip easier. In fact I just bought the very same box of gloves I am advertising only today as a matter of fact. They used to be readily available at the beginning of the year and they did cost £49.99 for ten boxes but as you can see they have increased in value to £79.99 it is still better than paying £12.00 plus for a box of 100 gloves. It is was it is and it will take care of my needs for about a month.

Here are my recommendations.

Do stay safe and be germ aware!