We all go through moments in our live where we feel sad but for me I find it hard sometimes to deal with sadness, hence I consume myself with tons and tons of work so that I do not have to feel the pain.
However 99% of the time I can bury my sadness under a mountain of paperwork and on the rare occasions sadness rears its ugly head.
Today is one of those day I wrote a post on another blog about the implications of not maintaining social distancing and also that someone known to my family could be exposed to the virus through his works. https://marketingagency.cymrumarketing.com/2020/11/02/breaking-covid-regulations/
Unfortunately I cannot stop my daughter being in a relationship with this person and my daughter and I ended up in a heated argument where I said if this person does not get tested and is found to have contracted the virus and then it is passed to my daughter and I, I could potentially sue him and the company he works for because they have not sent home the bubble to quarantine.
My daughter immediatey went on his defence and said she was planning on moving out to live with this person and that she was washing my hands of me. I told her if she was to do that I would not support her, she would be on her own and she would not be able to come back. My father told me the same over 30 years ago hence that is why I ended up in Wales. It is not the first time my daughter has chosen her muppet boyfriends over me and told untrue tales to their parents to get some sort of sympathy. My daughter telling me she would wash her hands of me was like being stabbed in my heart.
Granted I told her “you make your bed and you lie in it, but do not think you can come back, you are an adult and you can make your own decisions, I have my own life in which you cannot come in and out of when you please”.
She knows about my depression and she knows that I do not talk to anyone about my problems I generally keep myself to myself, so you can imagine the sadness I am feeling right now.
Don’t get me wrong I will find other things to occupy my mind so that I do not have to think how much distain my daughter has towards me.
If I have coped with loss of my parents and my brother what is one more to the list, afterall I should be getting used to it by now.
I have a survival mechanism that takes time to kick but when it does I can block the feeling inside of me and anyone around me. I essentially am thick skinned and the more times I get hurt the colder I become.
With everything we do there are consequences with our actions, her boyfriend will feel my wrath if and when the time comes. I will tell him he was to blame for splitting my daughter and I up and he can take that to his grave.
In the course of the pandemic I not only have supported by daughter I have supported him also and has he even thanked me, of course he hasn’t, he is a very selfish individual.
I know what you must all be thinking and that is it will blow over and that my daughter will be different tomorrow, trust me he is influencing her to be independant of me. He does not like me and the feeling is mutual.
If you are feeling sad and have no one to talk to you can phone the Samaritans they are open 24/7 on 116 123 and they will not ask you any personal details like your name or where you live, you can stay anonymous, you can even withhold your telephone number, they are just there to listen and that is all. You can also email them at: firstname.lastname@example.org https://www.samaritans.org/?nation=wales