Challenging Ableist Beliefs: The Misconception That Disabled Individuals Can ‘Cure’ Themselves

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How To Deal With Entitled People

Living with a disability is challenging enough without facing ignorant assumptions from people who believe that with enough effort, exercise, or willpower, one can simply overcome their condition. This mindset not only undermines the lived experiences of disabled individuals but also perpetuates ableism and discrimination.

The Reality of Living with a Disability

People with disabilities do not choose their conditions. Many would love nothing more than to live without the physical, cognitive, and emotional barriers that limit their daily lives. However, disabilities are not something that can be wished away, ‘pushed through,’ or magically fixed with exercise and lifestyle changes. Many conditions are chronic, progressive, and have no known cure.

Despite this, some individuals—often lacking medical knowledge or personal experience with disabilities—believe that with enough effort, disabled individuals could dramatically improve their health or even recover completely. While some lifestyle adjustments may help manage symptoms, they do not erase the underlying condition.

Who Are These People?

People who promote the idea that disabled individuals can simply ‘fix’ themselves often exhibit the following mentalities:

1. The Dismissive Optimist – This person believes that positivity and perseverance can solve any problem. They assume that disabilities are just a mindset issue rather than a legitimate medical condition.
2. The Ignorant Fixer – They believe they have the answer to everything, often suggesting exercise, dietary changes, or alternative therapies without understanding the complexity of the condition.
3. The Judgmental Observer – This individual assumes that if a disabled person can do one thing, they must be capable of doing everything. They fail to grasp the fluctuating nature of many disabilities.
4. The Health Privileged – Having never faced a severe health condition themselves, they lack perspective and assume that what works for them must work for everyone.
5. The Ableist Enforcer – This person actively discriminates, believing that disabled individuals are lazy, exaggerating their conditions, or looking for sympathy. Their perspective reinforces systemic discrimination and exclusion.

Entitlement and Superiority in Unwanted Advice

People who insist that disabled individuals can ‘fix’ themselves through sheer effort often come from a place of entitlement or superiority. They believe that their personal experiences or general health knowledge make them experts on someone else’s condition. This condescending attitude implies that they think they are better, more disciplined, or more knowledgeable, even when they lack medical expertise. Their unsolicited advice is not about genuine concern but rather about reinforcing their own self-importance. This behavior is dismissive, patronizing, and deeply rooted in ableism, as it invalidates the struggles of disabled individuals while centering their own uninformed opinions.

Understanding Ableism and Discrimination

Ableism is the discrimination and social prejudice against people with disabilities, based on the belief that typical abilities are superior. It manifests in various ways, from workplace discrimination to dismissive comments about how disabled people should be ‘doing more’ to help themselves. This type of thinking is damaging and fosters an environment where disabled individuals feel misunderstood, isolated, and invalidated.

Discrimination occurs when these ableist attitudes translate into actions. Examples include denying reasonable accommodations, questioning the legitimacy of someone’s disability, or assuming incompetence based on physical limitations. By constantly implying that disabled individuals can ‘do more,’ society shifts the blame onto them rather than addressing the real barriers they face.

How to Respond to These Assumptions

When faced with someone who insists that you could ‘do more’ to improve your condition, consider the following responses:

• Educate with Facts: Explain the medical reality of your condition and why exercise or a positive attitude alone cannot cure it.
• Set Boundaries: If someone repeatedly disrespects your lived experience, let them know their comments are unhelpful and unwelcome.
• Highlight Privilege: Point out that they are speaking from a place of health privilege and may not fully understand the struggles of living with a disability.
• Redirect the Conversation: Ask them to focus on how society can be more inclusive rather than what they think you should be doing.
• Call Out Ableism: If their comments are outright discriminatory, don’t hesitate to address the ableist nature of their thinking.

The Emotional Toll of Dismissive and Judgmental People

Individuals facing disabilities, grief, or personal struggles often encounter people who are dismissive, judgmental, and even condescending. These individuals project a sense of superiority, belittling others’ experiences while invalidating their emotions. Over time, such behavior can contribute to emotional distress and a decline in mental health.

How Dismissiveness and Judgment Contribute to Emotional Harm

When people minimize your struggles, ignore your pain, or respond with indifference, it sends a message: Your experiences are not valid. Whether dealing with a chronic illness, a disability, or grief, the lack of acknowledgment can be as damaging as the struggle itself.

People with dismissive attitudes often:

• Undermine the severity of disabilities by suggesting that one should “just push through.”
• Offer unsolicited and simplistic advice instead of listening.
• Compare struggles in an attempt to minimize yours (“I know someone with the same condition who doesn’t struggle as much”).
• Use toxic positivity to silence real emotions (“Everything happens for a reason”).
• Completely ignore or stonewall you after you’ve opened up about your difficulties.

This lack of validation not only exacerbates feelings of isolation but also creates self-doubt, as individuals begin questioning whether their pain and emotions are justified.

Insensitive Questions and Their Impact

Insensitive and judgmental individuals often phrase their words in a way that dismisses the reality of your struggles.

Consider these examples:

• “How long do you intend to grieve after hearing about your loss?” (This question was once put to the Editor about six months after her mother died). This question suggests an expiration date on grief, dismissing the deeply personal and unpredictable nature of mourning. The Editor has not fully recovered from her loss some 15-plus years later or the insensitive question that consequently made her mental health decline even further.
• “Aren’t you exaggerating your condition a bit?”
  This invalidates the struggles of someone with a disability, implying that their experiences are either exaggerated or self-inflicted.
• “Why don’t you just try harder to get better?”
  This assumes that effort alone can cure chronic illnesses, disregarding the complexity of medical conditions.
• Silence after sharing your struggles.
  When someone stonewalls you—offering no response after you’ve shared something deeply personal—it creates a feeling of rejection and abandonment. It sends the message that your reality is too uncomfortable for them to acknowledge, making their own comfort more important than your pain.

What Does It Say About Those Who Behave This Way?

When people react dismissively or stonewall you after discussing your disabilities or struggles, it often says more about them than it does about you.

It may indicate:

• A lack of emotional intelligence – They are uncomfortable dealing with emotions and prefer avoidance over meaningful conversations.
• Superiority complex – They believe they are stronger or more capable, dismissing others’ difficulties as weakness.
• Self-centeredness – They cannot relate unless the situation affects them directly, making them unwilling to show empathy.
• Internalized ableism or bias – They may unconsciously believe that those with disabilities or mental health struggles are lesser or not trying hard enough.

This type of behavior is not only invalidating but also deeply harmful, especially when experienced repeatedly. Over time, it can lead to increased stress, anxiety, depression, and even self-isolation.

How to Protect Yourself Emotionally

When faced with dismissive and judgmental individuals, consider the following strategies:

1. Recognize Their Limitations – Understand that their response is a reflection of their own emotional shortcomings, not about you.
2. Set Boundaries – If someone consistently belittles or ignores your struggles, limit interactions or address their behavior directly.
3. Find Supportive People – Surround yourself with individuals who listen, validate, and uplift you.
4. Prioritize Your Mental Health – Seek professional support if dismissive interactions are affecting your well-being.
5. Call Out Stonewalling – If someone goes silent after you share something personal, ask them directly why they are responding that way. It forces them to confront their behavior.

No one should have to justify their pain, grief, or disabilities to others—especially to those who lack the capacity for empathy. Dismissive and judgmental individuals often harm others under the guise of ‘tough love’ or indifference, but their actions can lead to real emotional damage. Recognizing and calling out these behaviors is the first step toward protecting your mental health and surrounding yourself with the understanding and support you deserve.

Case Study: Living with Multiple Disabilities and Responding to Misguided Advice

Meet Sarah: A Journey Through Chronic Conditions and Ableism

Sarah is a 45-year-old woman navigating life with multiple chronic conditions, including dysphagia (difficulty swallowing), overactive bladder, rheumatoid arthritis, cerebellar atrophy, and obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) related to germ contamination. Despite these challenges, she works hard to manage her conditions and maintain a fulfilling life. However, she frequently encounters individuals who question her health management, often asking, “What are you doing to make your health better?”—implying that she could overcome her disabilities with enough effort.

Understanding Sarah’s Conditions

Sarah’s disabilities are complex and require careful medical management:

• Dysphagia makes eating and drinking difficult, requiring modifications such as thickened liquids and specialized diets.
• Overactive bladder leads to frequent, urgent trips to the bathroom, limiting her ability to engage in daily activities without worry.
• Rheumatoid arthritis causes joint pain, inflammation, and fatigue, making mobility unpredictable.
• Cerebellar atrophy affects balance, coordination, and motor skills, adding another layer of physical difficulty.
• OCD related to germ contamination means she experiences distress over hygiene, requiring structured coping mechanisms to manage her anxiety.

Each of these conditions is lifelong, medically recognized, and beyond simple “self-improvement” strategies like exercise or positive thinking.

Responding to Misguided Advice

When someone asks Sarah how she plans to improve her health—implying that she is not doing enough—she has several ways to respond:

1. Educate with Facts:
   “My conditions are medically recognized and require specialist care. There’s no simple fix, but I work closely with doctors to manage them.”
2. Set Boundaries:
   “I appreciate your concern, but my health is not something that can be solved with basic lifestyle changes.”
3. Challenge Their Assumptions:
   “Would you ask someone with a broken leg to just ‘walk it off’? Chronic conditions don’t work that way.”
4. Highlight Ableism:
   “It’s ableist to assume that disabled people can cure themselves if they just try hard enough. My energy is better spent managing my condition, not proving myself to others.”
5. Redirect the Conversation:
   “Instead of focusing on what I ‘should’ do, let’s talk about how society can be more inclusive and supportive of people with disabilities.”

Sarah, like many individuals with disabilities, faces not only physical and mental health challenges but also social misconceptions. The burden should not be on her to prove she is “trying hard enough” to be healthier. Instead, people should focus on understanding, supporting, and advocating for a more inclusive society that respects the lived experiences of disabled individuals.

This case study highlights the need for awareness, respect, and the rejection of ableist assumptions when discussing chronic health conditions.

Final Thoughts

Disabled individuals should not have to justify their conditions or prove their limitations to those who refuse to understand. The assumption that disability can be ‘cured’ through sheer effort is not only ignorant but also harmful. Instead of placing the burden on disabled individuals to ‘fix’ themselves, society should focus on breaking down barriers, promoting accessibility, and ensuring that those with disabilities are supported, respected, and valued. If people truly wish to help, they should start by listening, learning, and advocating for real change rather than offering simplistic solutions based on misconceptions.

After the editor restored her faith, she now prays for everyone and asks for the Lord’s forgiveness, as in the Lord’s Prayer. She has chosen to leave it to the Lord to deal with these people, even if she does not know their names. By entrusting these situations to faith, she finds peace and removes the burden of anger and frustration from her heart.

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